Thank you once again to Hollie! This is one of my favourite chapters of the story, enjoy!
Don't keep yourself away
Don't live your life that way
Of course he's gonna say anything you want
Then leave quicker than he came now you got yourself to blame
Don't put yourself back in the fire again
All through the night and into dawn Dan was outside their bedroom, begging Jess to let him in and apologise again. But she was sick of his empty apologies, she knew she had to keep her son safe from him. He had finally gone quiet around 3am; she presumed he had fallen asleep.
Luke had woken up just after 5am as the sun started to peek through the curtains. "Mummy?" he asked questioningly, burrowing under the covers with her. She pulled the duvet over their heads, trying to shield from the sun.
"Hey sleepy." Jess smiled at her son, a piercing sensation through her lip where it had been split and was now being stretched. Luke reached out cautiously, placing his finger on the cut.
"Mummy's hurt." he stated simply.
Jess held back the tears and nodded. She took a deep breath so that her voice wouldn't shake when she spoke, "Yeah I am, but it's ok, we're going to be ok. I'm going to keep you away from him. I promise." Jess kissed her son's downy hair, pressing him to her.
"Where's daddy?" Luke asked, his body turning to the door.
"He's not here. But don't worry, we're safe here. Let's go back to sleep, it's very early and mummy is very tired." Jess said, stroking Luke's hair.
"Daddy! Where are you!" Luke shouted. Luke scrambled off the bed, trying to open the door.
"Luke! Luke open the door for daddy!" Dan shouted frantically pounding harder on the door.
"No! Luke, don't listen to him, come on honey, come back to bed. You need to go back to sleep. Daddy's ok out there, he doesn't need to come in." Jess said, nearly tripping in her haste to get Luke away from the door, wincing as her bruises throbbed.
"I want daddy!" Luke wailed, pulling at the door.
"Jess, come on, let me in, he wants me!" Dan shouted through the door.
"No, you stay away from us!" Jess screamed, sweeping Luke into her arms and placing him back on the bed. Luke jumped up again, wanting to get to the door, but Jess held him still. He started to hit her, his little fists connecting with her chest, not understanding why he couldn't see Dan. "Ow, Luke, stop it, please!" Jess broke down into tears; her son was mimicking her husband's behaviour already.
It's the same damn things you're so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it's the same mistakes that I'm watching you make
You do it over and over again
By 7am, the banging and shouting through the door had stopped again. Luke had finally fallen asleep, exhausted. Jess however was sitting on the corner of the bed, staring out the window. There was no way she could get herself and Luke out of the house without Dan getting in the way. She crept over to the bedroom door, pressing her ear against it, trying to hear if Dan was still there. She couldn't hear anything, so she opened the door quietly. Dan was nowhere to be seen. She shut the door and locked it again.
Jess started pulling her clothes out the drawers, stuffing them into her hand luggage bag. Once that was done she pulled off her pyjamas, putting on a light long sleeved shirt and some shorts which would cover any bruising. She pulled on her trainers and ran a brush through her hair and tied it up, wincing as it pulled at the wound at the back of her head. She hurried into the ensuite, grabbing her toothbrush and some toiletries. She walked back into the bedroom, hauling the bag over her shoulder.
She gently picked Luke up, carrying him in her free arm against her body. She ran out her room and into Luke's, adding some of his clothes to the bag. She quickly undressed him, then put on his shorts and a t-shirt. She slid on his sandals and they were ready to go. She picked both her bag and Luke back up and proceeded out his room and quietly down the stairs. She was nearly at the door when the voice behind her made her stop.
"Where are you going?" Dan asked quietly.
"Away from you. Somewhere safe." Jess replied, picking up her keys from the dish by the door and trying to open the door. It was locked. She fumbled for a while, trying to get it to open while holding Luke and her bag. Luke was starting to stir.
"You're safe here. You're not leaving me Jess. I love you, I love Luke. You love me too, you do. I know I hurt you, but I did apologise for that didn't I. Now come on, don't be silly, stay with me. Luke wants to stay here with both of us." Dan reasoned, slowly walking to Jess. Before she knew it she felt his warm hand on the back of her neck, his other hand stroking Luke's hair. "Please Jess, I need you. I really do. And I won't lay a finger on you from now on, I promise."
Jess could feel her defences weakening. She willed herself to be strong and to leave, but this situation had happened before, and she had stayed. And the time before that she had stayed, and before that too. She lost count of the amount of times she had tried to leave, and couldn't quite cross the threshold. "Dan I can't let you hurt me like that again. Before you know it Luke will be your punch bag as well."
"I would never lay a finger on our son, never. When I saw you last night, saw what I had done to you, I felt physically sick. I couldn't believe that I was capable of that, and all I wanted to do was turn back time so it would never have happened." Dan said, and he said it with such emotion and conviction that Jess couldn't help but look at him. He cupped her cheek in his hand, rubbing gently, before taking Luke from her arms. Jess stared into his now calm grey eyes, and her bag fell to the floor.
So before they bring you down
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Jess was sitting in her bedroom the day after the attack, having just dropped Luke off at nursery. She hated herself for even considering staying with her husband, but until she thought of a better and safe plan to escape, there was no other choice. The thing was, she loved Dan so much that it hurt to think of herself without him. They had been through so much together, made a life together, a beautiful son. But then she thought of the things he'd done to her, and she couldn't believe she was with him still. If she had gone to a shout where the woman was in her position, she would be urging the woman to leave, to press charges, to get away. So why did she hesitate. She shut her eyes, her head bent. She needed to get away, she needed to do what was best for Luke- and that wasn't staying here and remaining as Dan's punch bag.
Jess applied foundation to the bruises on her neck and face, trying to cover them before she went to work. The arnica had worked fairly well, and the swelling and bruising had improved slightly. There was no way she wanted anyone to know about the abuse. Sally knew bits, but that was because she had guessed things and Jess wasn't going to deny the truth, although she didn't confirm anything outright. As she was thinking all this, Jess felt hands on her waist. She looked in the mirror, seeing Dan standing there. She smiled weakly, but he didn't smile back.
"I think we should talk." he said quietly. Jess looked at him in the mirror, not being able to read what mood he was in. Dan could see her stalling, and his face crumbled. He sank to his knees, his head in his hands. Jess spun around on the chair, then slid off so she was on the floor in front of him. She placed her hands on the side of his face, forcing him to look at her.
"Dan?" she asked questioningly.
"Jess, I am an animal. How could I hurt you like that? I sicken myself, I really do. You and Luke are the best things that have ever happened to me, without you I am nothing. I just can't believe that I did this to you, that I keep doing this to you." Dan said softly. His fingers traced her neck where he had hit her. "Why are you still with me?"
Jess looked into his eyes, knowing he wanted forgiveness, "Because I love you, still, and when you love someone you make allowances. But I can't keep going through this Dan, I really can't."
Dan pushed himself off the floor, pacing the room, "I know you can't Jess, I just don't know where it comes from, the anger! I don't want to hurt you but it's like something takes over and before I know it you're hurt. You were right to try and get away from me, but I was too selfish and knew that if I said the right things you'd stay. I want to leave, get away from you both so that I won't hurt you anymore, but I know that I won't be able to stay away. And I wish that I could wake up one day and you would both be gone, but the sad thing is, after everything I do to you, I know you won't leave me."
"Dan please, it's ok. It was my fault for provoking you, and I'm sorry, I know that you never truly mean it. Our son needs his mum and dad together, doesn't he." Jess said quietly, getting up and standing in front of Dan, her hand over his heart, "I know you Dan. If you're willing to change and get help, we can find a counsellor or a therapist, someone to help with the anger and how to manage it."
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked, a small smile on his face. He bent down, kissing Jess lightly on her bruises. "I will make this better. I promise."
Jess just nodded, "I'm going to work soon ok? I'll try not to be late."
"Ok, but if anyone asks about your bruises, don't lie, tell them that I did it." Dan said, his head hung in shame.
Jess brought his hand to her face, looking at his cut knuckles where he had hit her. She pressed her lips to them, "I fell down the stairs."
Oh, please don't be so naïve
Don't wait 'till your heart bleeds
Love wasn't built for speed, listen to me girl
He keeps fuckin' with your head, tryna get you into bed
And in the morning you'll just hate yourself
Jess arrived at work, her neck and face covered in foundation. She thought she had done a pretty good job, and she could barely see the bruises. She walked into the changing room, checking if there was anyone else in there before she changed. Luckily there was no-one in there, and she managed to get her uniform on without anyone seeing the patchwork of bruises that was her stomach and ribs. She had just placed her warrant card in her pocket when Sally walked in.
"Afternoon." Sally said with a smile.
"Hey you, you alright?" Jess asked, straightening her neck tie.
"Yeah good, not looking forward to all the paperwork I've got to get done though." Sally said with a grimace. "What's happened to your lip?"
"Just where it's got dry and split, it happens quite often." Jess said, lightly touching her lip and hoping Sally was happy with that answer,, "i'll drop by later with a coffee, sound good?"
"Sounds like bliss. I'll see you later." Sally said, waving as Jess left the changing room.
It's the same damn things you're so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it's the same mistakes that I'm watching you make
You do it over and over again
Jess was just sitting in the canteen grabbing a quick cold drink. She had been on patrol in the sun with Callum for most of the afternoon, and was taking a quick break before they went back out. She had just emptied her cup when Nate came in and headed over to her.
"Alright Jess. I've got someone in reception wanting to report a missing child. Sergeant Stone said that you could take it with him, you need to meet him at reception." Nate said, getting himself a drink.
"Oh ok then, thanks Nate." Jess said, walking out the canteen and heading to reception. She walked into reception, seeing Callum standing waiting for her. "What have we got?"
"A man has just come in, saying that his six year old daughter is missing. He's in there." Callum said, hooking a thumb to the room just off reception.
"You don't think it's Rosie's dad do you?" Jess wondered, walking into the room followed by Callum. She froze when she saw who it was.
"PC Waite?" Callum asked questioningly.
Jess turned and quietly said to Callum, "Sarge, that's Rosie's dad."
Callum took a proper look at the man. His eyes widened as he recognised Lloyd from his mug shot. He nodded and said quietly, "Let's let him lead and see what his story is."
Jess nodded, "Hello, I'm PC Waite and this is Sergeant Stone. My colleague has told me that your daughter is missing. Could you tell us more Mr...?"
"Lawrence, Lloyd Lawrence. My daughter Rosie, she's only six. I came back from the shops, I was getting her some ice creams, and she wasn't there anymore. I'm really worried, she's never run off or anything before." Lloyd said, wringing his hands together, looking every inch the worried father.
"Did you leave her in your house on her own? How long has she been gone?" Callum asked, writing down notes.
Lloyd looked a bit shifty, "Yes I did, I admit that I left her alone. But I was only going to be gone for ten minutes. When I came back, she wasn't there. I checked around with the neighbours and they hadn't seen her. I checked everywhere: the park, the shops, everywhere we go together."
"Where's her mother?" Jess asked, "Anywhere else she may have gone?"
"Dead. She died when Rosie was tiny, I'm the only family she has. Please help me find her, we haven't got any other family locally." Lloyd begged.
"Ok Mr Lawrence. We know where your daughter is." Callum said, watching Lloyd closely. Lloyd stood up quickly, ready to go and get his daughter.
"Really? Where is she? Is she ok?" Lloyd asked quickly.
Jess stood up too, "She's fine, now. The thing is, we found her a few days ago being chased by a man. When we questioned her, she said that the man was after a key that her dad had given to her which opens a treasure chest. Do you know what she meant by that?"
The colour drained from Lloyd's face, "What?"
"Yeah, she was in a right state. We got the man, but then she was struggling to breathe and had to be taken to hospital. After that we brought her back here to ask her some questions and try to locate you." Callum said.
"But is she ok?" Lloyd asked, his face pleading for an answer.
"Yes she was fine. But in your flat, at the back of your wardrobe we found a safe full of heroin. Could you tell us how that got there?" Jess asked.
"I deal it, so I can get money for me and Rosie. Now please can I see my daughter?" Lloyd pleaded. Jess and Callum were taken aback that he had so readily admitted to being a dealer of a class A drug.
"You admit that you deal drugs?" Callum pressed.
"Yes, I do. I know that you'll have my fingerprints on it and you know my history I'm sure, so it seems stupid to deny it. Now please! Hurry up and charge me, I need to see Rosie!" Lloyd said, growing agitated.
"Sorry Mr Lawrence, but Rosie is staying with an emergency foster family while somewhere more permanent is found." Jess said. In the blink of an eye Lloyd had Jess pushed against the wall, pinning her by the tops of her arms.
"YOU PUT MY DAUGHTER INTO CARE?!" Lloyd shouted in her face.
"GET OFF HER RIGHT NOW!" Callum shouted, pushing the emergency alarm while he pulled at Lloyd to get him off Jess. Lloyd struggled, trying to hit out at Jess.
"You stupid, stupid woman! You took her away from me! My little girl!" Lloyd said, tears streaming down his face as Callum pulled him away. Jess took deep breaths, determined to keep the tears and panic away. Will and Nate ran into the room, taking Lloyd from Callum and getting him in handcuffs, leading him out of the room towards custody.
So before they bring you down
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
Fall for anything
"Jess? Jess, are you ok?" Callum asked, coming to stand in front of Jess and looking into her eyes.
Jess tried to say something, tried to nod, but her throat was too tight. She ran out of the room, down the corridor to the toilet. She threw up, flashbacks of Dan beating her senseless just a day ago flashing in front of her eyes. Was she a magnet for violent men? What was it about her that made men think it was ok to hit her?
Once she had finished being sick, she slumped against the side of the cubicle, her head on her knees, her arms wrapped around her, eyes shut. Every single bruise she had received from Dan started to throb, feeling like they were getting bigger and bigger. Jess cried and cried until there was nothing left. She hadn't cried in front of Dan when he had beat her; she hadn't cried in front of Luke when Dan was banging outside the bedroom; she hadn't cried in front of Callum when Lloyd had pinned her against the wall. But now she was crying, feeling like she'd never be able to stop. The heaving cries made her stomach and ribs hurt even more, but that just made her cry more in pain; it was a deadly cycle.
Jess tried to calm herself down, eventually stopping. She slowly raised her head, looking to the ceiling as if she could see God. Jess laughed bitterly, swiping the tears from her face; there couldn't be a God, otherwise They wouldn't let this happen to her surely. She slowly pulled herself up, sitting on the seat of the toilet. She wiped at her face again, getting some tissue to dry the remaining tears. As she wiped them, her foundation came off with it. "Oh brilliant, just what I need."
There was a knock at the door of the toilets and then "Jess?" a gruff male voice said. "Jess, are you in there? It's Sergeant Stone." Callum said, calling into the toilets. He quickly looked in the toilets, checking if anyone else was in there. He stepped back out of the toilets, putting an out of order sign on the door so no-one interrupted them. Jess sat stock still on the toilet, wanting him to just go away. "Jess, come on, come out. I want to see if you're ok. Did he hurt you?"
"No, please just go. I'll be out in a minute, I'm fine." Jess said, trying to stop the shake in her voice.
"Not going to happen. Come on, please, let me just check you're alright." Callum asked, and Jess could hear him getting closer to the cubicle she was in.
"Sarge I am fine, really. It just shocked me, that's all." Jess said, surprised at how steady her voice was.
"I've seen you handle more than that before. And you should know that I'm good at opening these doors from the outside." Callum said, and a small smile pricked the corner of Jess' mouth. She took a deep breath, deciding that she would just have to come out cause he sure as hell wasn't going to leave.
"Fine, I'll come out." Jess said quietly, unlatching the door and stepping into the harsh glare of the lights. She quickly turned so she could see what her face looked like in the mirror. The bruises had faded slightly, but not enough.
Callum took a step toward her, and Jess automatically took a step back. He raised his hands, showing he wasn't a threat, "What happened to your face?" he asked quietly, his eyes cataloguing the injuries on her face and neck.
"I fell down the stairs, the night before last." Jess replied, not looking him in the eye as she moved over to the sink.
Callum raised his eyebrows, "What, and landed on your face and neck? You expect me to believe that? You know I'm a police officer don't you?"
"I don't expect you to believe anything. But that's the truth." Jess said with a noncommittal shrug.
"I've seen enough domestic abuse cases to know when a victim is giving me an excuse Jess. Why did you take a step back from me just then?" Callum asked, cocking his head.
"I didn't." Jess replied, shaking her head.
"Yes you did. Stop lying to me. What happened to your face?" Callum asked again, a steely note to his voice.
Before they bring you down
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for everything
Fall for anything
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You've gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Jess closed her eyes, wishing that patience came easily to her, "I told you, I fell down the stairs, I hit my face on the balustrade at the bottom. Now, I'm going to go out there and fill in the paperwork, ok? And get ready to interview Lawrence." Jess made to move past Callum, but his hand wrapped around her wrist lightly, stopping her.
"No, you're staying here until you tell me the truth. Did your husband take you to hospital?" Callum asked, keeping a light hold of Jess' wrist.
"He didn't need to. Painkillers and an ice pack sorted it. Now let go of me." Jess said quietly, looking down at his hand round her wrist, trying not to panic.
"If he was a good husband, he would have made sure there was no lasting damage, especially looking at the state of your eye. Or maybe he didn't push it because he was the one who did this to you." Callum suggested.
"Please, let go of me." Jess pleaded, the panic rising.
"Why? Is this what he does to you?" Callum asked, his face a mask of disgust. Jess turned her head away from him, and that's when Callum spotted the small area of blood on the back of Jess' head. "What the hell is that on the back of your head?"
Jess raised her left hand along the back of her head where she knew the hole where Dan had pushed her against the wall was. It had started bleeding again when Lawrence pushed her against the wall, "I don't know, it must have been from where Lawrence pushed me."
"Show me your arms." Callum demanded.
"No." Jess said simply.
"Right, fine, we're going to the FME. They need to look at your head and your arms, make sure there's no concussion and get a report to add to Lawrence's charges. Let's see what other injuries they may find from where you fell down the stairs." Callum said, making as if to escort Jess towards the door.
"No, no, please don't." Jess begged, turning to him. The rims of her green eyes were wet, more tears threatening to fall.
"Jess, I can't help you if I don't know what's going on." Callum pleaded, his dark brown eyes softening.
"Ok, I'll go to FME and they can catalogue what Lawrence did to me, but that's all I'll be telling them. If I tell you something now, it's off record, no-one else knows, and you never mention it again." Jess said, turning slightly away from him. She knew he would keep at her until she finally broke down.
"I can't, come on Jess you know I can't." Callum said, shaking his head.
"Ok then, I'll be on my way." Jess said with a shrug, wrenching her wrist free. Callum stood in front of the door before she could leave. He looked at her and sighed, rubbing his hands over his eyes.
"Fine. I won't say anything." Callum said with a nod.
"Promise?" Jess pressed.
Callum took a deep breath, knowing that dependant on what she said, he would not be able to keep it to himself. "Promise."
Before they break you down, down, down
Cause girl they'll bring you down, down, down
Cause they'll bring you down, down, down
Cause they'll bring you down, down, down
Jess walked into the middle of the toilets, undoing her top. All the buttons were undone, but she held the shirt so that Callum couldn't see anything. She couldn't believe she was showing him, surely it would just make things ten times worse. But then Dan had said to her to tell people it was him, but he didn't mean it, he just wanted to make himself feel better. And Callum had promised not to say anything to anyone.
"Jess?" Callum asked softly, encouraging. Jess nodded, looking anywhere but at Callum as she slowly peeled her shirt back, showing Callum the purple, black and blue bruises which covered her stomach and ribs. Callum's eyes widened and his mouth set in a hard line. He looked at her shoulder where the bruise met up with one on her neck. Jess turned around, showing him the slightly faded bruises on her spine.
"Happy now?" she asked bitterly, pulling her shirt back around her, doing up the buttons with shaking hands.
"What the hell did he do to you?" Callum asked, barely able to control his rage.
"I made him angry, I provoked him. It wasn't his fault. He's going to see a counsellor" Jess said, automatically coming to Dan's defence.
Callum laughed incredulously, "Are you listening to yourself? You sound like all the other domestic abuse victims. You didn't deserve that. He can't use you as his personal punch bag just because you stand up for yourself! How can you live with him? How long has this been going on for?"
"I love him, he's my husband, he's Luke's father." Jess said, her voice rising as she hastily finished buttoning her shirt up, ignoring half of his questions.
"I'm going to have to tell the Inspector." Callum said. "This is a safeguarding issue Jess and you know it. There's also the fact that he's a CPS lawyer!"
"You tell her what you want. I'll tell her that it was from Lawrence attacking me, it's on CCTV. I'll tell her that you're out for my husband. I won't give a statement. I'll quit" Jess threatened.
Callum just stared at her, his eyes wide, his mouth open, "What about your son?"
"Everything I do is for my son. Everything I do, everything I endure, is to protect him." Jess shouted, her eyes glinting.
"Does Dan...?" Callum started before Jess interrupted him.
"Don't you dare say it. Dan would never touch Luke, never." Jess said angrily.
"How do you know? He punches you quite happily, maybe if you're not there when he needs to vent his anger but Luke is..." Callum was stopped by the stinging sensation that suddenly sprung up on his cheek. Jess had slapped him.
"How dare you." she spat at him, looking at him with such fire and anger in her eyes that Callum recoiled slightly.
"Jess, it's my duty to keep my officers safe. And it's my duty to safeguard children." Callum said.
"I don't care. My home life has nothing to do with you. Don't mention this conversation again, don't talk to me about anything but work. I'm going to the changing rooms to take some pain killers, don't follow me." Jess said, spinning on her heel and hurrying out the toilets.
Song: Fall For Anything- The Script