Thank you Hollie for your review! Hope you're enjoying your Scottish break! I think Callum also wishes he could punch Dan...again. Enjoy!
The following day, Sally came into the hospital to see Jess. She opened the curtain to Jess' cubicle, seeing Dan there. She paused, not knowing whether to go in or not. She set down the flowers on the locker next to the bed, and handed Jess the pack of mince pies she'd bought.
Jess' face lit up as she saw her best friend, taking the mince pies with a thanks, "Sal! Come sit down."
Sally's eyes flicked to Dan and then back to Jess. She moved into the cubicle, sitting on the edge of the bed and laying down the rest of the goodies she bought with her. "Hey! How're you doing?" she asked.
Jess looked at Dan, "Dan, can you give us a minute to catch up?" Jess asked her husband.
Dan looked like he was going to shake his head, but he nodded and bent down to kiss Jess' forehead, "I'll go home and shower while she's here. I'll be back soon to take you home, ok?"
Jess nodded and waited for him to leave the cubicle before she spoke, "Oh Sal, thanks for all these."
Sally placed all the magazines in the little cupboard next to the bed. She handed Jess an envelope which had a "Get Well Soon" card in it. She took up Dan's seat next to Jess, "So, how are you?"
"I feel better today. I just feel really drained, and my stomach is quite sore. How about you? How's your head?" Jess asked, pushing herself into a sitting position.
"Yeah my head is fine. The FME said I have a really mild concussion." Sally replied, pausing before talking again, "What did he say when he found out you didn't have an abortion?"
"He was pissed as hell. He did start to threaten me, but then remembered his domestic abuse classes and stopped. Since then he's tried to be kind of supportive. But he hasn't told me that he's sorry that we've lost our baby. He hasn't seemed to care that our baby died. But I'm past caring now. Because this is it, I'm going to leave him as soon as I'm strong enough. The case with Tiah made me see that that could be me laying in my house murdered, and I don't deserve that. I've got to be strong now. I'd already started moving money, and I've got some bags packed with some important bits already." Jess said with a nod, her eyes welling up but a determined look on her face. She swiped the tears away and Sally smiled at the renewed sense of purpose Jess seemed to have. Her eyes were sparkling with determination, and for the first time in months she looked like the old Jess.
"I feel like I made this happen. What I said to you before we went on the shout." Sal said slowly, glancing at Jess.
Jess took Sally's hand, "You were right though weren't you. I should have said something. Maybe if I had then this wouldn't have happened. I really thought it would be ok. The baby had survived the kicking he gave me, I guess I thought everything would be ok."
"This wasn't your fault ok? Now, I'm going to help you get away from Dan once and for all, and I'm sure Sergeant Stone and the others will help as well." Sally said with a quick nod.
"Thank you Sal. Your support has meant everything to me, I don't think I could have done it without you." Jess said, reaching out to give Sally a hug, tears streaming down her face. The women embraced tightly.
Dan drove Jess home later that evening. Jess had been given the all clear from the doctors, but was told to rest and not do anything too strenuous for a few days at the least. Jess had decided that she would tell Dan tonight that she was leaving him. She couldn't stay with him any longer, she knew that now. He wasn't good for her, hadn't been good for her children. Sally had said that she could stay with her until she could get the money to get her own plan. Because of Dan's previous salary, he had quite a lot of money saved up in the joint account, and Jess was going to transfer half of it to her own account, meaning that with all the money she could put a down payment on a flat and pay the rent for a few months all upfront.
Dan helped Jess take all the gifts inside, finally helping his wife up the steps to their house. He sat her in the living room, getting her a hot drink.
"Listen, I'm going to go out and get us some dinner. I want you to stay right here, do not move! I'll be back soon ok? I love you." Dan whispered, kissing her on the temple. She smiled at him, but it wasn't her normal smile.
"Ok, take as long as you like, I'm going to have a bath." Jess said, slowly getting to her feet and heading to the bathroom. As soon as she heard the front door close, she locked it before hurrying upstairs and pulling her suitcase from under the bed. It already contained some items she had been collecting such as her passport and important documents.
Now she added in the pictures of Luke; she took the one off her side cabinet, the ones from his room, the ones in the study, and then one from the living room. She left the rest for Dan. Then she grabbed Luke's second favourite cuddly toy, his baby book with all the scans and baby pictures in, and the mouldings of his feet and hands. Once that was all in, half the suitcase had been filled up. She opened the wardrobe, taking out all her favourite clothes and hurriedly folding them and adding them to the suitcase. Next came her make up bag with all her toiletries in, her underwear, her shoes. Last to go in was some of her favourite books and photo albums.
She zipped the suitcase up and gingerly lifted it off the bed. The strain pulled at her abdominal muscles, causing her to wince. She froze as she heard the front door open, and the smell of Chinese wafted up the stairs. She heard Dan place his keys in the dish and then walk into the kitchen, obviously realising that Jess wasn't in the bath.
"Jess? Where are you honey?" he shouted into the house.
"I'll be down in a minute." she shouted back, starting to panic. How was she supposed to get out of the house with him here? She pulled out her phone, hastily typing an SOS message to Sally to come and pick her up. Once that was sent, she was ready to go downstairs and tell Dan she was leaving, but Dan had already come up. He looked at the suitcase, at the half empty wardrobe, at the missing photos.
"Going somewhere?" he asked softly, a menacing glint in his eye.
"Yes. I'm leaving." Jess said clearly, standing straighter and raising her chin.
"Leaving?" Dan repeated.
"Yes. I can't live with you anymore, I can't do this anymore. I've seen who you really are and I can't rationalise it anymore. You're no good for me. You were no good for my children. That's it. The abuse I could tolerate to a degree, but everything that's happened with the baby, that's it Dan. I'm finally seeing the light and getting out while I can." Jess said honestly.
"I'm no good for you? Look what I gave you! Look at Luke! I loved him with all of me, a part of me died when he died. I told you I didn't want the baby because it would set back all my progress." Dan paused, "And was it even my baby? Sergeant Stone seemed very concerned about you; he always seems to be lingering around and is the first one to come to your aid, a real knight in shining armour. Is that because you've been shagging him behind my back?" Dan sneered.
Jess' face was one of shock and disgust, "I cannot believe you are accusing me of cheating on you, with my superior no less?! That baby was yours Dan, I have been with no one but you. More fool me. Sergeant Stone being the one to come to most of the shouts is coincidental, don't be so bloody paranoid."
"It's not being paranoid when I see the way he looks at you. It's no wonder I can't get any better with you shoving that in my face all the time. Is that what you want? For me to be a violent husband forever, so you can keep playing the victim and making people feel sorry for you?" Dan said, his forehead creasing up with apparent disbelief.
"You think I enjoyed playing the victim? I hid the abuse, I covered for you, I rationalised it! Everything that I told the people whose cases I worked on not to do! I just couldn't do it myself for some reason. But now I will. As for Luke, maybe he'd still be here if you hadn't been drinking that night." Jess said, trying not to cry. She had never vocally suggested that Dan could have partly been responsible for Luke's death.
"You think I could have stopped him climbing the bookcase?" Dan asked softly.
"Yes! You're his dad, you were supposed to be looking after him. I told you time and time again to fix that bloody bookshelf to the wall! And you kept saying yeah yeah and never did it!" Jess retaliated.
"And what about you? You were never here to tuck him in at night, he used to cry because he wanted to say goodnight and tell you that he loved you. You barely spent any time with him because you were too tired from work." Dan shouted.
"Oh no don't you dare. I always tried to be here for him. On my days off I took him out, we spent time together playing and having fun. You didn't though. You just got angry with him and then hit me. He knew, you know. He asked me once why you hit me, and if you were a bad man because you hit me. And you know what I said? I said that you weren't a bad man, that your hand slipped. I let him believe you were the perfect father, even when I knew you weren't. So please Dan, just let me leave. We are no good for each other anymore." Jess said, all of a sudden tired of fighting.
"No." Dan said simply, standing in the way of the door.
"Get out of my way, or so help me..." Jess began.
"What? What will you do Jess? You're in no fit state to try and fight me." Dan sneered, glancing at her stomach.
Jess shook her head sadly, grabbed her suitcase and walked to stand in front of Dan. She pushed him with all her strength, pushing him off balance and getting him out the way of the door. She hurried through it, dragging the suitcase behind her then pushing it down the stairs. She was about to take the first step down the stairs when she felt herself move backwards. Dan had pulled her back towards him.
"No Jess. I told you, you're not leaving." he said calmly, pulling her arm back.
"Get the hell off of me." she hissed, flinging her arm back until it collided with his eye. He snapped, dragging her onto the top landing. Jess rolled out of the way before he could hit her, but he was too quick. He pulled her to her feet and slammed her head back against the wall. Jess fought against the stars that burst in her vision. She used her energy to bring her leg upwards, hitting Dan square in the groin. He immediately dropped her shoulders as if he had been scalded. She ducked past him, pushing through the pain in her head and stomach.
Her foot had just landed on the top step when she felt pulling at her other leg. She looked behind her to see Dan's arm around her calf. He looked directly into her eyes; cold, calculating grey eyes meeting angry, scared green eyes. He blinked, and then pulled her leg backwards. Her other leg that was on the top step gave way, and she could feel her body twisting and falling to the side, the side that would make her fall down the stairs. As Dan let go, she fumbled in thin air for something to grab onto, to stop the inevitable fall, but it was no use. Her body twisted and tumbled as it hit the stairs, and she collapsed in a heap at the bottom, some of the cuts from the glass reopening.
Jess placed a hand on the floor, trying to steady herself and get her bearings. Nothing seemed to be broken, everything just hurt a lot. Jess took a deep breath, picked herself up surprisingly feeling quite steady on her feet. She stumbled to the front door, scooping her keys out the bowl, and then left her home, with Dan standing at the top of the stairs, not believing that she was really leaving him. She locked the door from the outside, and got into Sally's waiting car.
"Ok?" Sally asked.
"Ok." Jess replied resolutely.
Jess woke the next morning with a smile on her face, something that she hadn't done in ages. For the first time in a while, she felt safe. She knew Dan wouldn't be able to get to her, not for a while anyway. She turned on her side, looking at the picture of Luke she had put on the nightstand; the first thing she had unpacked. Her pain pills were there as well, and she popped two before sliding out of bed.
"Sal?" Jess called as she shuffled into the kitchen.
"Yeah in here!" Sally called back, placing a big cup of coffee on the bar.
"Oh thanks, lifesaver!" Jess said with a smile.
Sally laughed, "Wow."
"What?" Jess asked.
"You're different already. You're smiling again." Sally said with a wide smile.
"Do you know what? I feel like I did before I met Dan. Let's go out tonight, to celebrate." Jess suggested, suddenly wanting to go out, to lose herself in the music. To forget that she had just lost her second child, her marriage and everything she had known.
"Good idea. I'll let the others know today when I'm at work. What are you going to do all day?" Sally asked, sipping her coffee.
"Well I'm gonna finish sorting the money out, then look at flats. Hopefully I'll be out of your hair within a week." Jess said, sitting on the bar stool.
"Seriously, you can stay as long as you want. I like having you here." Sally replied, sitting on the bar stool next to Jess.
"Sure?" Jess asked.
"Positive." Sally replied.
Jess had been sitting at the bar for over an hour with her laptop. First she had gone onto her bank online, and transferred some funds over. Technically, the money she was transferring was her own anyway, as it was her wages. She took a bit extra as well, knowing that there would still be plenty left for Dan. Then she rang the Inspector, making sure that from now on all her wages would go into her own account. She spent a while on the phone with Gina, filling her in on the whole situation. Gina was so proud that Jess finally left Dan, and made sure that Jess would come in soon to see about coming back to work.
The afternoon had found Jess busy flat hunting. She hadn't found any she liked, they were either too far away from work, too small, or too expensive. She was just about to give up for the day when she found the perfect flat. She laughed when she read its location. She checked her watch, picked up her phone and dialled Sally's number.
"Hello?" Sally answered.
"Sal, I think I've just found the perfect flat." Jess said with a smile.
"Oh yeah? Where is it?" Sally asked.
"Directly above yours." Jess said, laughing.
"Seriously? That's brilliant! Is it good price wise?" Sally asked excitedly.
"Yeah, I could actually get a mortgage on it, let alone rent it. It's smaller than yours, cause it's only got one bedroom, but it's perfect for me. I'm going to go talk to the estate agents now to find out when I can put the payment on it." Jess said, beaming.
"Oh that's so good! I'll keep my fingers crossed. Let me know if you get it." Sally said, calling off.
Jess sat printing off the details for the flat. Finally, she was doing something on her own, she didn't need Dan. She was getting her independence back.
Jess had just returned from the estate agents. The occupants of the flat she was hoping to buy had moved out last week, so the flat was all ready to move into. Jess started off the events to enable her to buy the flat, and as the flat was chain free things should be plain sailing and hopefully she would be in by Christmas, in three weeks time.
Jess had never lived on her own before. She lived with her parents until she was nearly 19, and then she moved in with Dan. Since then she had been with Dan, so it was a strange feeling for her to have something that was just hers. She walked back into Sally's flat after putting down the deposit for hers and started thinking about what furniture she'd need to buy, and of course some Christmas decorations! She pulled out her phone, once again dialling Sally's number.
"Guess what." she said down the phone as soon as Sally answered.
"What?" Sally asked.
"I put down a deposit on the flat! Hopefully I can be in before Christmas." Jess said, and she couldn't help but smile at the thought of her new home.
"What? Wow that was quick! Is it ok? Is there furniture and everything? Have you got internet? How much money have you got left?" Sally said, firing off all these questions.
"Calm down! I've just got to finish all the documents with the solicitors and wait for the monies to be released, but then it's officially mine! It's got all the basic furniture but I'll want to buy my own, and yeah internet is in and working. I need to get a landline but that's all I really need right now. I've got enough money to last me until the next paycheck, but I'm going to go out food shopping now, and I'll make us dinner tonight before we go out." Jess reeled off all the information.
"Yep. Do you want me to give the Inspector your new address?" Sally asked.
"Sure, if you don't mind. So who's coming tonight?" Jess asked curiously.
"Beth, Will, Nate, Millie, Callum and Smithy so far." Sally said, "Listen I've got to go, Smithy is staring at me. I'll talk to you later. Bye!"
Jess hung up and proceeded to order a food shop, feeling a glimmer of excitement for the future.
After having dinner cooked by Jess, Sally and Jess were getting ready for their evening of celebrations. They were going to a cocktail bar about five minutes away which also had a dancefloor for when Nate and Will had reached that sweet spot of drunkenness.
Jess' stomach was still slightly bloated, so she chose a loose black top which covered it up, with her wide leg black trousers and a hot pink oversized blazer. Platform gold heels and gold jewellry completed her look. Sally chose her dark red midi dress with black platforms. Jess left her hair loose while Sally put hers up in a sleek updo, both putting on minimal make-up.
"Are you sure you want to go out tonight Jess? I would completely understand if you just want to watch a romcom and drink some wine. After what happened yesterday, you've done so much today and I don't know…have you processed what's happened?" Sal asked slowly as she fiddled with her hair, risking a glance at Jess while she finished applying lipgloss.
Jess knew what Sally was saying, and deep down she knew she was right. If she stopped for too long to think about what had happened in the last 48 hours she knew that she would be done for. She needed to keep going and keep distracted for now, until she had the mental capacity to deal with the miscarriage and with leaving Dan for good. Was going out with the aim to get drunk, helped along by her pain pills, the best idea? Probably not. But for once she didn't want to be sensible. She wanted to be a bit irresponsible- she never really had considering she was married and a mum in her early twenties.
"I'm sure Sal, promise. I just want to enjoy myself for tonight. I'll deal with everything else when I can, but for now I just can't." Jess said softly. She felt Sally gently touch her shoulder before pulling her into a sideways hug.
"You are the bravest person I know Jess. And whenever you want to offload I'm ready for it. You've been through so much recently I don't know how you haven't had a breakdown." she said honestly.
"Denial mainly. Why do you think I want to get drunk tonight?" Jess said with a laugh. Sally looked at her, a hint of concern on her face, "Sal, I see you looking at me like that. I will be ok, really I will, but for tonight I just need to put it all to the back of my mind."
"Ok if you're sure. Whenever you want to leave you just tell me and we'll come back, no questions asked. Ok?" Sal questioned.
"Ok." Jess replied with a nod. They were having a quick drink before they left for the bar when the doorbell rang.
"Are any of them coming here before we go?" Jess asked as Sally tottered out to the hall to open the door.
"Not that I know of." Sally shouted back. Jess heard her open the door, and then the low voice of a man. She walked into the hall and her face collapsed. There at the door was Dan.
"It's ok Sal, let me talk to him." Jess said gratefully to her friend.
"Are you sure?" Sally asked, looking over her shoulder before letting Jess see Dan.
"Sure." Jess said positively.
"Right, well I'm going to tell the others to come here and then we can all walk together." Sally said, pulling her phone out. It would also be better if the others came, so then they could help her get rid of Dan if needed. Sally stayed in the corridor, where she could see Jess and Dan, not chancing leaving her with him. He noticed, nodding slightly at Sally in understanding of why she wasn't moving. Jess stood with her hands on her hips, looking at him defiantly.
"You look beautiful." he said quietly.
"Thanks." she said shortly, "What did you want?"
"I just wanted to talk to you." Dan said, not quite sure what to say next.
"Ok then, talk." Jess said; she didn't have the patience to be nice to him.
"I...I want you back. The house isn't the same without you there. I don't just want you back, I need you back. I'm nothing without you. I know that I haven't been the best husband for you." Dan said, ashamed.
"Dan, you've been a violent husband. And the thing is, I knew that, but I don't know why I still stayed with you. But I know now that it's not good for either of us to stay together." Jess replied, leaning against the door frame.
"I want you to come home. It's where you belong. We can get through this like we've got through everything else. I've even got the Christmas decorations down so you can put them up." Dan said, straightening up.
"No." Jess replied, shaking her head.
"Why?" Dan asked, confused.
"How can you even ask me why? Have you not just listened to what I said?" Jess asked incredulously.
"But you love me!" Dan cried, as if that was all it took.
"I did." Jess said quietly.
"You've loved me once, I can make you love me again! We can work through it!" Dan said quickly.
"Dan. I've just bought a flat, that's it. I'm going to see a solicitor this week about a divorce. I'm sorry, I'm done. We lost our baby and you showed no emotion, none, besides accusing me of cheating. That's it, that's the final straw. I'm not in denial anymore Dan. I'm done playing the victim." And the thing is, she truly was. She had gone through so much with him; they had a son together and had built a life. She felt like a huge important chapter of her life had just slammed shut, and although she would never forget the good things, she would try hard to erase the bad things.
"You've bought a flat?! But you only left yesterday! Where did you get the money from?" Dan asked, suspicious.
"I've been planning this for weeks Dan. I took all my wages out of the joint account and I had a savings account. I'll be over sometime this week to pick up the rest of my things. Now please, I'm going out in a minute. You should leave." Jess said, trying to shut the door. Dan pushed it hard, causing it to fly back against the wall. Jess instinctively shrunk back from him.
"You're going out are you? What, to celebrate the fact that you left your husband? Are you just going to throw yourself at the first bloke who notices you? Is Callum going out with you by any chance? You're pathetic. You say that I was unaffected by losing the baby, it clearly looks like you were." Dan said spitefully.
"Don't you dare say that. I'm not celebrating the fact that I'm getting divorced, or that I lost my children. I'm celebrating the fact that I'm not going to be beaten up by my husband anymore and that I'm finally going to be living my life. Now go, before I force you out." Jess said, stopping her voice from quivering.
Dan moved forward, his hands curling into fists ready to hit Jess, but before Jess could comprehend what was happening, Dan was on the floor with Callum on top of him, Will and Nate right behind him.
"Don't you dare hit her." Callum hissed at him, pinning him to the floor.
"Get the hell off me! It's got nothing to do with you!" Dan yelled.
"Nate, Will, Beth, Millie, go inside. We'll be ready in a minute." Callum ordered. The four officers, although off duty, listened to Callum and went inside. "Jess, do you want him arrested?"
"No, just let him go." Jess said, still shocked at how Callum had come out of nowhere to tackle Dan to the ground.
"Now you listen to me, if you come near her again, I will have you. She doesn't need you to keep popping up in her life like some demented Jack-in-the-box." Callum threatened.
"Are you threatening me Sergeant?" Dan asked, his face pushed into the floor.
"No, think of it as friendly advice. Now get out of here, I don't want to see your smarmy face again." Callum said, hauling Dan to his feet and pushing him to the lifts. As soon as Callum was sure Dan had left, he walked back to the flat. Jess stood outside, watching carefully. "Hopefully he won't bother you for a while."
"Thanks. I don't know whether to be mad or grateful to you." Jess said with a small smile.
"Why would you be mad? I stopped him from hitting you!" Callum said, his brow furrowed with confusion.
"I guess so. But just once I want to tell him to leave and for him to listen to me, rather than someone else stepping in." Jess said, "Maybe that's wishful thinking."
"Maybe. Are you still on for going out?" Callum asked, leading Jess back to the flat.
"Oh yes, probably more than before. Let me buy you a drink, as thanks." Jess said, smiling as she walked into the living room.
"You don't have to, honestly." Callum said, as bashful as he could get.
"No really. I want to. Now then, who's ready to go!" Jess called to all her friends.
"I don't want you showing me up Jess!" Nate said as he walked past.
"What? Why would I show you up!" Jess asked, following him out the flat and down the stairs.
"Don't you remember the last time you came out with us? You got absolutely wasted and was sick right next to the girl Nate was trying to take home." Will said, laughing as he remembered.
"No! When was that?" Jess said, shocked. She couldn't remember that!
"It was quite a while ago." Beth said, walking in step with Jess.
Jess thought back. The last time she could remember going out with everyone was nearly a year ago, just after New Years. She couldn't believe she had left it that long to go out and be with her friends. Not anymore though, it would change from now on.
It was nearing midnight, and Nate and Will were absolutely hammered. Beth and Millie weren't too far behind, although they had started drinking soft drinks about half an hour ago. Smithy and Callum were sitting at the bar, their drinks in front of them, just watching everyone else. Sally and Jess were the last ones dancing, and they were going for it with everything they had. Jess felt such a sense of release, dancing with her best friend, socialising with those she cared about, without having to worry about what Dan thought, or what he'd say when she got home. It felt like freedom.
Three men had come up to Jess wanting to dance, but as soon as they saw her wedding ring they cleared off. Jess and Beth were interested to see Nate was giving Sally the eye all night, and they had been dancing together a lot. A good looking guy had just come up asking Sally to dance, and Jess took the opportunity to go and sit down and get a drink while Millie went to dance with Beth. She took the free stool next to Callum, resting her feet on the pole that ran around the bar.
"Do you two want a drink?" Jess asked, leaning round so she could see them both.
"Nah you're alright Jess. I'm off in a minute." Smithy said.
"Why? It's not even midnight yet!" Jess complained, nearly falling off her stool as she leant too far forward.
Smithy tried not to laugh, "I'm working tomorrow, that's why."
"Party pooper." Jess muttered, turning her attention to Callum, "What about you? I owe you a drink from earlier, what'll it be?"
"Just a pint thanks." Callum said with a smile.
Jess signalled the bartender, ordering Callum's pint and her own vodka orange. She handed the pint to Callum, taking a sip of her own drink. She watched as Beth nearly fell over trying to get into the toilets, and Will and Nate were surrounding a group of girls, trying to woo them. She noticed that Nate kept looking at the guy dancing with Sally, giving him evils.
Jess suddenly felt really hot. She slipped off the barstool, trying hard not to fall over, and walked up the steps that led to the outside of the bar. She walked down the road a little, before sitting down on a bench, shutting her eyes and letting the cool air wash over her. She felt, rather than heard, someone standing next to her. She turned and saw Callum.
"It's a bit hot in there." she offered an explanation, "I think my painkillers have something to do with it, and maybe the vodka."
"Yeah, it's a bit crowded as well." Callum said, sitting down next to her.
"That's only because you're pretty sober and everyone else is drunk so we don't notice how crowded it is. I think I might have a hangover tomorrow." Jess said, slurring slightly.
Callum laughed, "I think you could be right."
Jess looked up at him, at his dark eyes which looked black in the night, at his thick brown hair, artfully messed up, at his broad shoulders and strong arms. She caught him staring at her with the same intensity she was staring at him, and she looked away, embarrassed.
"You look lovely tonight." Callum said quietly. Jess wasn't quite sure if she had just heard him right.
"Thanks, but I feel fat and generally a bit shit." she said truthfully, feeling the tears threaten to come to the surface but batting them down. She didn't want to cry, just for one night. Her stomach was still bloated, and she did feel sore all over from her tumble down the stairs…and through the window.
"Well you don't look it, honestly. How are you doing, after…after the miscarriage?" he asked, and he seemed to be sincere.
"I don't want to think about it too much, I can't. Maybe if I'd have told you, you would have stopped me going, it wouldn't have happened. Maybe someone up there is telling me that I shouldn't be a mum again." she said with a bitter laugh, the tears breaking through this time. "Great, I wasn't supposed to cry tonight. I was supposed to drink so much I didn't remember my name just for one night. I didn't want to feel anything tonight."
"Jess." Callum said softly, his face saddened for her, "I know you don't want to feel anything but, not feeling anything is worse I think."
She didn't say anything, just sat there letting the cool air dry the tears on her face. After a minute of silence she felt a hand cup her cheek, a thumb slowly stroking her jaw. Jess felt suddenly sober. She turned towards Callum, their eyes meeting.
"Sorry, that was wrong of me." he said apologetically, pulling his hand away.
"No, it's ok." Jess said carefully, scooting closer to him. He opened his arms up, Jess leaning in close to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her, his cheek resting on the top of her head.
"You can't run from what's happened, as much as you want to. I can only imagine how you feel; so much has happened in the last six months. Too much for one person to bear. But I never want you to feel like you need to drink yourself into oblivion to forget. There's a lot of us who want to help get you through this Jess." Callum murmured against her hair.
Just earlier that day he had been telling Roger and Nate that the whole marriage, mortgage, kids thing wasn't for him- although deep down he knew what he was saying was bull. He absolutely wanted it, with the right person, someone who lit that spark in him and who he could be his complete self with. Sitting in the cold night with Christmas lights twinkling merrily in the street, he knew Jess would be that person. He wanted it with her, had wanted it with her since the moment he saw her. But it had never been appropriate. But now; now maybe they would have the opportunity to see if this could be something.
He needed to take it slow, needed to give her the time to heal and grieve and put herself back together, but he'd be there every step of the way if she wanted him to be. Jess slowly pulled away, looking into Callum's eyes.
"Thank you." she said softly.
"You don't need to thank me Jess. You need me, you call me. Whatever you need, I'll be there." he said sincerely.
Jess felt emboldened by the alcohol she had drank tonight, "Did you know that as soon as I started at the station I thought you were good looking. Obviously I was married and had Luke so never would have acted on it. But, things change. I thought you'd like to know."
Callum raised his eyebrows. He hadn't realised she felt that way, not since the beginning. Whatever was said now had the potential to change the course of everything, and not in a bad way. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't fancy you from the moment I saw you. But you weren't available so that was that. Although, did you ever wonder why you were paired with me so often?"
Jess looked up at him, her mouth dropped open, "What? I thought you were punishing me for something."
"If anything I was punishing myself." Callum said with a small laugh.
Jess never knew, never thought Callum saw her in that way. "Well, I guess for police officers we need to work on our observation skills!"
"Clearly." Callum said with a smirk.
"If I'd have known…" Jess started before Callum interrupted.
"Nothing would have changed Jess. You were married with a child. You loved Dan."
"I'm not married anymore."
"No, you're not."
"Callum." she said seriously.
"Nothing needs to change. I'll be led by you Jess. I don't want you to ever not feel in control again." he said seriously, looking her straight in the eye. She was taken aback by how freely he had shared his feelings, at what his words were conveying. She briefly saw a flash of the future that involved them, together and happy. And she smiled.