So, third chapter up. Like before, I'm gonna post this to FF and AO3 first just in case. Last chapter didn't get taken down on SB, so it's probably safe, but I'm fairly careful about everything.

This one will, at least in one part, show some things that pertain to the plot, at least in terms of what is supposed to show up further down the line. No devils or angels or the like yet, unfortunately, but it'll show one of the factions/forces that I think are a little overlooked, at least in terms of the original story of DxD. I'll probably explain more in some more ANs here and some Informational threadmarks on SB, if anybody gets curious enough.

Disclaimer: Godzilla and all related trademarks are owned and licensed by Toho Co., Ltd, Legendary Entertainment, and Warner Bros. Pictures. High School DxD is owned and licensed by Ichiei Ishibumi and Fujimi Shobo. I own neither series, please support official releases.

My name is Hyoudou Isashi. I'm nearly ten years old. I died in my last life, and then a bunch of guys sealed a giant monster in my soul as they reincarnated me into a new universe, because they want to protect the multiverse. I was 100% sure that my life was going to get crazy, so I thought I was prepared for the worst.

I didn't think it would turn out to be this kind of weird.

My brother has been an unrepentant pervert for the past year and a half. He wants to have his own harem and 'enjoy the most amazing breasts possible'. He has been caught peeping on women in public saunas and has recently been found to regularly sneak porn into school.

Our parents are already bemoaning the fact that they 'aren't getting grandchildren'.

…I honestly don't understand what they're all fussing about.

See, upon realizing that I was reincarnated into an Ecchi Anime, I decided that I too would become the 'perverted comedic relief' character in order to prevent my death. To this order, I decided that one of my main goals would be to acquire a harem so that I could fix the Japanese birth rate, no matter the costs.

Yeah, see, it's not a goal I can achieve, but if I put all my effort into it, the laws of my current universe will basically give me plot armor. So long as I act perverted, so long as I live and breathe sex, then nothing can kill me. It's the perfect game plan.

So really, my parents should be grateful that my brother and I aren't going to die anytime soon. There are some parents who can't say that-including my old ones-so they shouldn't be complaining so much.

That said, I knew for a fact that just being a pervert was never gonna be enough to ensure my survival. Even Sanji could kick ass in spite of being a perv. If I wanted to survive, I needed more than just perverted plot armor.

No, I needed to get swole. I needed to be able to thrash fuckers with only a handful of moves. I needed to be the most cracked up fighter I could possibly be.

After all, who knows what extra genre I've been jammed into. While I knew 'Harem Anime' was the most likely, I was also 100% sure that there was some Shounen shit that would go down. And I couldn't be left unprepared for that. If I couldn't pull off shit that gets made into AMVs, I'd be screwed.

Right now, I was in a nearby library looking over different self-defense books. Nearby, my twin brother and his friends were looking at porn.

…How do they have porn, you may be asking?

Matsuda apparently had 'connections'. I don't know what these so-called 'connections' were, but somehow they can get, as he said himself, 'high-quality stuff'. I didn't ask about his 'connections', because something told me knowing would be worse than not knowing.

Back to self-defense…well, so far all I've been reading were books that show the basic stances and movements for different styles. Everything else was just autobiographies of various Martial-Arts masters who I learned, with a quick google search, were all talk and couldn't back it up. The only really useful books were some 'verbal self-defense' books.

They weren't for anything physical, but they let you recognize stuff like subtle insults and backhanded compliments. All that shit. They also gave you different tips on how to counter all that. So while they couldn't help me physically fight, they could help me brush up on smack-talk and fixing condescending assholes.

Still, I would have appreciated a book that actually taught me some real martial arts. Unfortunately, this library didn't have anything that was too advanced. The best I had were some books that gave different workout advice. I could still get swole, but that was the best I could hope for.

"Amazing! This is some real good stuff!" I heard Issei giggling.

"90/58/86…" Motohama muttered after several moments of silence.

"How can you even tell, dude?" Matsuda asked the bespectacled boy in awe.

"It's a special power that I've begun to develop! With this ability, in theory I could get the three-sizes of any girl~!" the boy said as he adjusted his glasses, a smug grin tugging at his lips. "I will perfect it! And when I've done so, I'll acquire the data of every babe we meet!"

"Really?! Motohama, you're incredible!" my twin brother leaned towards the other boy with stars in his eyes. "You have to teach me, too! I wanna be able to measure up the best breasts on this glorious earth!"

"Ah, patience, my friend! If you really wish to acquire this ability yourself, you will need to learn discipline," the bespectacled boy chuckled at his friends' whining. "This skill requires mathematical prowess, the likes of which you may not fathom. To gain it will be a road of boredom that no man could possibly comprehend…but in the end, it will all be worth it~!"

…Honestly, that sounds pretty useful, actually.

And no, I don't just mean to measure the size of tits…okay, that is a really good use of it, hehe~!

…Shut up, don't judge me.

Ishigami Senku could, with ten-billion percent accuracy, measure how fast a wave of energy was moving just so that he could counter its effects. Lelouch had to pull off all sorts of mathematical shit while piloting his mech suits. And if I started on the stuff in 'A Certain Magical Index', we'd be here all day.

That shit could actually be useful for martial arts-if you could make measurements and movement calculations on the fly like that, you could easily anticipate an opponent's movements. It'd be like a cheat code in an RPG that gives you hints on what technique your enemy is about to do next so that you can bring out a move to counter it. Mastering that kind of power would be broken as fuck.

"Then I'll learn it too…" I said quietly as I closed my book. The other three gave me confused looks, to which I stood up and gave them a fierce expression. "In order to achieve my goals, I will copy your ability, Motohama! The birth rate will be saved, no matter what!"

"Ah, sugoi! Nii-san, you're so inspiring! I'll do everything to achieve my goal as well!" Issei suddenly cried out as he too jumped to his feet, a fist pumping into the air as a wide grin tugged at his lips. "I'll go above and beyond! I'll fall in love with as many women as possible! I will become the Harem King~!"

"I'll follow my dreams!" Matsuda cheered. "I'll get myself a legal loli girlfriend-and maybe wife-if it's the last thing I do!"

Motohama tilted his head. "What's a 'loli'?"

"It's short girls who have small chests," I told the bespectacled boy. "Anything below a C-cup."

"Oh~! Yeah, I get it now," he nodded.

"IBTC!" Issie grabbed the bald boy by the shoulder and cheered with him. "Flat justice! The meat rises for all sizes!"

"Size doesn't matter, only matters if she's a Baddie," I nodded.

"Hell yeah!" the other three cheered.

"Ahem!" a voice called out from behind us.

Standing at the end of the table was a girl in her mid-teens, who was giving us an unimpressed look. Her dark purple hair was done in pigtails, her brown eyes were hidden behind glasses, and she was wearing a school uniform. On her arm was a red band with the word 'morals' on it.

"...Can we help you?" Issei asked worriedly.

"You realize that you're being disruptive and engaging in inappropriate behavior, correct? Do you understand that such things aren't allowed?"

"Uh, wait, I think there's been a misunderstanding!" my twin brother said worriedly as he held up his hands. "This isn't a school library, is it? Nobody stopped us from coming in-"

"It is a public library, young man, you are correct. But regardless of the time or place, I am to uphold the ideals of public safety and morals," the schoolgirl narrowed her eyes at Issei and leaned towards him. "Now, what do you have to say for yourself?!"

…Ah, so she's a junior high-schooler on a power trip? Lovely~! Then again, she wasn't wrong, per se.

I quickly stood up to face her and clasped my hands together while ducking my head. "I'm very sorry that we've caused you any concern. We'll do our best to curb our behavior!"

"We will?"

I jabbed my brother in the side with my elbow while ignoring his protests. "Again, I'm very sorry. Thank you for pointing this out."

Right, the best idea is to just de-escalate the situation. So, here I hoped that apologizing and showing deference would get her to stop bothering us and we could avoid a scene. If everything went according to plan-

"Hah~! Awesome~!" Motohama adjusted his glasses as a goofy, drool-filled grin tugged at his lips. "88/54/89~! They're incredible! I think I'm in love~!"

"...Wait, those were…my measurements? Hey, what are you up to, brat?!"

…Fucking damn it!

Okay, wait, I had that 'Verbal Self-Defense' book out before! I can just skim through that and see if there's a conflict-resolution page for a quick and easy solution. And if I can't, I'll call her out for being on a power-trip and make her back off.

Except…the book I just picked up was not the verbal self-defense book. It was…'Pickup lines for Dummies'.

Fuck it, this'll probably have no consequences.

"Ahem!" I called out to the girl before she could strangle the bespectacled boy to death. "Excuse me!"

"What?!" she growled angrily.

"Do you have GPS?"

"...Eh? Why are-"

"Because I'm lost in your eyes~!" I said with a wink.

The girl dropped Motohama and turned fully towards me, mouth agape. I took the slow reddening of her face as a sign that something was working, so I rolled with it.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9, and I'm the 1 you need~!"

"B-Bwuh?!"

I put up finger guns and winked. "Good thing I have a library card, because I'm checking you out~!"

"Y-You! What do you think you're-"

"I'm not an organ donor, but I'm ready to give you my heart~!"

A few moments later, my tactics had borne fruit.

That was a lie. They'd borne nothing. The four of us had been smacked upside the head so hard that comically goose eggs had emerged. The girl had sat us in a corner and stood over us-particularly me-with an incensed look, all while bristling with intense emotion. Next to her, a much older woman was delicately chastising her but not outright punishing her.

"I'm certain they didn't mean much, dear. Boys get older, they get curious, and they aren't harming anybody specifically."

"Ma'am, this is a matter of public decency!" the girl hissed. "These lechers could corrupt other children! Do you really think they're harmless as they accost women like that?"

"You could have said 'no'?" I mumbled. "I would have apologized. I think I did apologize for us before-"

"Shut it!" the teen screeched angrily as she turned to me, red-faced with (what I think was) anger. "I don't want to hear another word out of you, you…you…lech! How somebody could be so vile is beyond me!"

"Vile?" I just shook my head.

Yeah, either I've misread my knowledge on microaggressions, or I said something she didn't like. Either way, she seemed less like an arbiter of public morals and more like a looney on a power trip.

"All four of you should be ashamed of yourselves! Assaulting women like this!"

"Wait, what's assault? Isn't that a condiment?" Issei asked.

"I thought it was a spice?" Motohama chimed in.

"Stop playing stupid!" the girl shrieked.

"I don't know. I feel really stupid right now, because this is confusing," I mumbled.

"What's going on here?"

…Oh, hey, I knew that voice.

"K-Kaa-san!" Issei called out.

Sure enough, mine and Issei's mother stood only a handful of feet away. She had a small stack of books beneath her arm, held just above her purse. She was also giving my brother and I a very unimpressed look.

"You're the one who's raised these vile beasts?!" the schoolgirl hissed while motioning to the two of us specifically.

"...Beg your pardon?" Miki said icily.

"I-w-well, that is-"

Several moments later, our mother had ripped the girl a new one so ferociously that I almost pitied her. After that, the nice old librarian who had been hanging around had also helped us with checking out a bunch of our books, while also lightly insinuating for us to 'behave' in public. She mostly seemed amused, but clearly she wasn't looking for a repeat incident.

"What am I gonna do with you two?" Miki whined after we dropped Motohama and Matsuda off at their respective families. "One of these days, you're going to get into serious trouble."

"The glory of oppai is worth the risk!" Issei cheered.

"No trouble is too great when you're saving the birth-rate!" I agreed.

Our mother simply sighed and shook her head. "One day I hope you'll understand that there's more to live than…ugh, breasts. Why?!"

I mean, I wasn't gonna tell her I preferred living in general, and being a pervert was a necessity to keep that going. If I did tell her that, there was no way to know how terribly she'd react.

"So…" Miki clasped her hands together and gave us both a curious look. "What books did you check out?"

The look in her eyes was a desperate 'please, please, just tell me you have an interest in anything else'.

"I got a bunch of books on drawing~!" Issei said cheerfully.

Our mother looked relieved to hear that. "Oh, is that so? Are you interested in drawing?"

"Yeah! I bet I could make some cool manga once I get older-they always look amazing~!"

"Oh, that sounds lovely~!"

"And I bet I'd make a killing off drawing for Erotic manga~!" Issei finished.

Miki's face instantly fell at that. "Oh…that sounds…lovely…" my mother slowly turned to me with a strained smile. "And what about you, Isashi? What books did you get?"

Seeing how desperate she looked, I cleared my throat. "I, uh, got a bunch of stuff. I got a cookbook because I was thinking about cooking. I also got a bunch of books on martial arts…"

"Eh? W-Why would you want a book on martial arts?" the woman asked nervously.

"Uh, exercise, mostly. I also think it'd be neat to go through a tournament-I could get prize money that way. But I'd have to learn first…" I pulled out one of the books I'd gotten, a frown tugging at my lips. "Most of these aren't good for actually learning, though. They just give advice."

"Isn't there a place you could learn, Nii-san?" my brother chimed in. "We saw a bunch of movies a while back, remember? The guys got to go through those cool training montages~!"

"I'm not sure I'm important enough for a montage…" I said flatly.

"Don't think like that!" Issei said seriously as he grabbed me by the shoulders. "If you believe in yourself, you can get a training montage just like in the movies! I know you're dedicated enough to get one, so don't give up!"

Despite the ridiculous topic, Issei's grin was determined, and he had a serious look in his eyes. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Y-You're right, nii-san! I'll work hard, no matter what it takes!" I pumped a fist in the air and cheered along with my brother. "To get on the path to fixing the birthrate, I'll work hard. I'll even put my body on the line! I will get a training montage, no matter what!"

"Is that really why you want this?" my mother half-groaned.

"Absolutely~!"

"Ah, well, maybe we could find a dojo nearby, one of these days. But I don't want you to get hurt, so we'll need to be careful about this," Miki said sweetly. "Now then, let's get going! We have to grab lunch, after all~!"

That night, my goal of finding a martial arts dojo came up. My father seemed more worried than my mother, surprisingly. The poor man looked like he might have a heart attack when I talked about it.

Still, Gorou at least heard me out. I was careful to not tell him the actual reasons I'd wanted to learn martial arts, but he seemed pretty satisfied with my-mostly-trumped up excuses. Despite his hesitancy, he agreed to take me around to see some of the dojos around town.

The first one he brought me to was…

Okay, it was less of a dojo, more of a children's exercise center. There appeared to be judo and kung-fu classes, but with the way the other kids were moving, it didn't look like much. Plus, everybody was wearing way too much protective gear for it to be reasonable.

"Well, this looks nice and safe. And fun as well~!" Gorou said with a cheerful, closed-eyes smile.

Evidently, my father and I had differing views on 'fun'.

"The courses we offer are top-notch in terms of safety," one of the teachers for the 'dojo' said cheerfully as she led us around. "But most importantly, we want our students to have fun~! We offer a variety of exercises that are conducive to both the mental and physical growth of the young mind…"

As the woman rattled off on my father, I eyed the other kids as they 'performed' martial arts.

…The thing was, it didn't look like any martial arts I'd seen before. I'd browsed through youtube-which somehow still existed here-for different videos in order to find a style I might like. Sure, I might not know much, but I'd seen plenty of movements.

At best, the teachers were sorta teaching the students tai chi…not good tai chi, though. It looked more like glorified yoga with some tai chi movements interspersed in. And the movements were, courtesy of their unwieldy protective gear, stiff and inelegant.

"Well, do you have any more questions?" the teacher asked after finishing her spiel.

"So far, I think I'm satisfied. This looks really fun~!" my father chuckled. "W-Where do we sign up-"

"What katas do you guys teach?" I asked quickly.

One of the other teachers joined the one who was giving us a tour. The two of them gave me extremely confused looks. Like they had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, not in the slightest.

"Umm…I think that katas are a bit too advanced for your age, don't you think, sweetie? It'll take years before we'll get to that…"

I gave Gorou a look that I was hoping told him everything. He seemed conflicted, eyeing the teachers and the students in protective gear. He looked back at me, and I shook my head discreetly while looking him in the eye.

"W-Well, it looks intriguing, yes. But I'll have to talk it over with the wife," my father said sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head. "She seemed a bit nervous when she heard he wanted to get into martial arts. I figure I'll help her settle her nerves before we do anything drastic."

I almost coughed out the words 'bullshit', but thought better of it. My father and I said our polite goodbyes before heading home. On the drive there, I began explaining exactly why that so-called 'dojo' was, in fact, bullshit.

And when we got home, I pulled up the youtube videos to prove it.

"And that's why they're full of it! The entire point of practicing a kata is to memorize the movements, with the end-goal being to perfect the style," I motioned to the martial artists on screen as they practiced proper, well-choreographed movements. "There is an old proverb, Tou-san~! It goes 'fear not the man who has practiced ten thousand kicks, but the man who practiced one kick ten thousand times'~!"

"That's not an old proverb!" Issei called out from the living room. "That's just a Bruce Lee quote!"

"It's still pretty significant!" I called back before turning to face my father again. "A bunch of those kids looked like they 'trained' at that place for years, and they weren't practicing katas. You start that after maybe 3-6 months!"

"But…it looked safe…and fun…" my father whined.

"...Tou-san, I'm gonna level with ya'. If I get mugged in an alleyway, and I find out that the 'self-defense' classes that I'd been taking were useless…I would not be safe," I leaned forward with a deadpan expression, fighting back a grin as my 'dead fish eyes look' caused my father to grow visibly nervous. "And I certainly would not be having 'fun' in that situation."

"W-Well, that is-"

"I agree~!" a sickly sweet voice suddenly echoed from the kitchen. Miki entered the room, eyes closed as a smile stretched across her lips. This did nothing to hide the dark and foreboding energy that seemed to surround her. "If I were to hear about any of my dear children getting mugged, I would not be pleased. And I would especially not be pleased if the self-defense training we paid for which was supposed to prevent that turned out to be a sham~!"

My mother quickly approached my father and pressed a finger against his forehead. The man let out a low, submissive whine as a dark shape loomed over him. Miki's smile seemed to widen as her husband stared in fear.

"So try to do better research, okay dear?" my mother said while pressing her finger forward.

"Y-Yes, darling…" Gorou said dejectedly.

"Of course, we don't have to focus on kung-fu and all that~!" Miki said cheerfully while making 'ninja motions' with her hands. "Didn't you say you want to learn how to cook? I think that sounds lovely, sweetie~!"

I swallowed nervously at her shift in personality. "Well, yeah, girls like guys who cook, right?"

"I bet they'd drop all their clothes if we gave them five-star meals~!" Issei said excitedly.

"Eh? Oh, so you're both telling me that the only reason you want to learn to cook…" my mother's eyes slowly grew shadowed as a dejected voice escaped her lips. "Is because…you want to see naked women? Is that it?"

"Isn't that why most guys get into cooking?" my father asked offhandedly.

"Gorou…"

"Ah! I mean; oh no, why would you focus on that? There's so many better reasons to get into cooking~!" the man said desperately.

"You're correct. So, Isashi, sweetie~! Is that the only reason you wanna learn how to cook?" my mother asked dangerously.

"...I mean, I also wanna make really good food? I saw a bunch of cooking shows, and they were really good."

"There was this one guy cutting up beef and serving it as sushi cakes. He wrapped it up in some thinly sliced vegetables while adding a drop of concentrated stock~!" My brother had a dreamy look on his face, and he was suddenly drooling for an entirely different reason. "The people judging the dish were talking about how the stock just washed over the meat at the right time just as they took a bite, which made the flavor-"

"Okay, hold on, stop! Now you two are making me hungry!" Miki said worriedly as she wiped away drool herself before turning to me with a kind look. "Why don't I show you how to help around the kitchen? We'll see about looking for another dojo tomorrow…"

My mother took me to find a dojo the next day. And, fortunately, we found one that actually teaches real martial arts.

The problem was-

"Learning any martial art requires discipline! An unruly child cannot master such skills if they cannot focus!" the master of the dojo said firmly.

He was, in some ways, a stereotypical and strict 'old master'. The man wore a slightly loose-fitting gi with an embroidered red belt. Trailing from his face was a wispy beard, flowing white hair, and thick and long eyebrows. The man calmly held his hands together in his sleeves, but he had a very serious face.

A lot of the children in the room next door were doing actual katas, with proper karate stances. Many of them looked like they'd practiced the forms for a long time…perhaps even too long. Some of them looked tired, pained, and even terrified as several of the teachers eyed them with strict gazes.

But a few of the students looked…worrying. There were terrifyingly deranged grins upon their faces as they kicked and punched at the air. A few of them noticed me, and I swore there was a vicious glint flashing through each of their eyes.

"Competition is important to the development of martial skills!" the master continued, his eyes growing hard. "In a competition, one must do whatever it takes to come out on top. Only those without mercy will come out alive!"

My mother and I both shared a look of worry. If the old man noticed, he didn't show it, instead humming loudly before continuing.

"In the real world, others will not be merciful. If a student is taught to show mercy, they will never survive!" the master turned away while motioning for us to follow him. "Survival is key. It is an important aspect, if not the most important aspect, of developing martial skills."

I had to stop myself from making a sucked in breath as the man continued his spiel. Miki gave him a sweet smile, but she was clearly giving me worried looks whenever he wasn't looking. And I wasn't disagreeing with her in the slightest.

You know that western film series? The one from the 80s? The good ol' 80s, where bullies would commit prosecutable felonies like it was normal.

The Karate Kid, that was the name of the series. That's also what this dojo reminded me of. It reeked of Karate Kid antagonist energy. Even if I could become a suitable badass here, I also didn't want to become a raging asshole-that would lead to me becoming the antagonist, which meant my life would be fucked.

Yeah, no, this place wasn't good.

…Save for the Ofuda interspersed across the dojo, one for every room.

Come to think of it, the 'dojo' Gorou brought me to also had those charms. Maybe they both followed the same religion? I mean, I guess even if you're teaching your students to show no mercy, you still wanna wish them 'good luck', right? Maybe I was just nitpicking, but the detail of the charms stood out to me for some reason.

Eventually, my mother and I were brought into a room by the master, along with one other teacher. The old man directed us to sit in seiza position while taking a seat behind a low table across from us. While the other teacher eyed us curiously, the master continued giving us an unreadable, hard-faced expression.

"So, the sign-up process isn't difficult," the other teacher started. "We just need some basic stuff. Height, weight, blood-type, just to make sure-"

"A moment!" the old man held a hand up, silencing the other man. "I wish to ask the boy a question."

…Was I just 'the boy' now?

Lovely~!

The master leaned forward, narrowing his eyes at me scrutinizingly. "Child! What do you think your greatest virtue is? What is it that you stand by?"

"E-Eh? Is that a question a ten-year-old can even answer?!" my mother whined.

Fuck, I had to dig deep to find the answer for this, huh…

Uh, let's see, the best thing I'm good at is-

"...Patience," I said, after a few moments.

"Elaborate, please?" the old man hummed curiously.

"The best option to prepare yourself is always to watch and listen, right? For instance, an army general would watch his enemy first in order to best figure out how to counter his movements, wouldn't he?" I clasped my hands together and swallowed nervously, but continued on regardless. "If I were to start learning, one of the things I'd do is always watch my prospective opponents. If I see how they fight, I can plan the best way to counter them when we confront each other."

The master stared at me for several long moments, breathing through his nose almost fearsomely. Then he leaned back and closed his eyes, a small noise escaping his lips as a frown spread across his face.

"...I do not think my teaching style would be compatible with you, child."

"Eh?! Wait, what does that mean?!" my mother asked worriedly.

I simply gave the old man a respectful bow. "I am very sorry if I insulted you, sensei-"

"You have done nothing of the sort. If anything, your words are intriguingly thought-provoking. I am simply stating a fact." The master looked almost displeased, though I could see he wasn't directing it at anyone in particular. "My school, my teachings, are not for those who keep patience as their greatest virtue. Our creed is to strike first and never show mercy. If you were to begin learning here, you would be expected to throw that virtue away. I cannot ask that of you."

…Huh, so, suddenly getting less Karate Kid antagonist vibes from the guy. I'm not sure how I should feel about that, honestly.

Afterwards, we were all but kicked out of the dojo. Oh, sure, the receptionist and one of the assistant teachers did give us some recommendations for other dojos nearby. But they were practically telling us to 'just leave already'.

"I really feel like we insulted them in some way…" I grumbled nervously.

"Oh, don't worry about that~!" my mother hummed sweetly as she led me down the street. "They seemed so serious, but they were also putting on a bit of a show. Did you see that 'old man'? He was wearing makeup and a fake beard~!"

"...How-"

"Did I know? Please, I know when somebody has drawn on fake wrinkles." Miki let out a small chuckle at my incredulous look. "That beard looked like it was made of animal fur. I think the only real hair on his face was his mustache."

I let out a snort. "That seems like a lot of effort."

As we were walking, I saw it. There was an older kid on a bike riding at top speeds. Thing is, the front was wobbling and shifting so much because the kid had turned to check out some girls. For the next several moments, I watched as the kid sped towards a busy intersection. I heard several people on the sidewalk, my mother included, gasping and shouting in worry.

A single hand grabbed the stem of the bike and stopped it in its tracks. I felt a shudder going down my spine when I saw who'd done it.

For a split second, I was looking at a tall black shadow. I could see a pale-skinned, long face hidden partially in darkness. Trailing behind them was a long black cloak that seemed to blend into the shadows beneath it. Its hand was covered by a white glove adorned with a five-pointed star.

When I blinked, the only person standing there was a nondescript old man. He removed his hand from the bike and gave its rider a curt nod while saying something I couldn't hear. A few people cheered while some others ran over to the boy to check on him.

As the old man walked away, he turned. And I felt like a dagger was pressed against my neck. Those eyes glared at me, flashing a golden glow that seemed to pin me in place. I could see shadows swimming across my vision. I could hear twisted whispers tickling the back of my mind.

My vision grew dark. I felt like something was grabbing at me, trying to pull me away and down. In the darkness, those glowing eyes flashed as the tall shadow stretched forward and loomed over me.

A single gloved hand reached towards me. I felt so small, so helpless, as the shadow approached. As the hand drew closer, I felt a pressure in my chest-I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't fight.

I was doomed. That was it. I had no way to escape. There was no chance I could get out of this. I'm done for, I'm done for, I'm done for, I'm done for-

Darkness pressed forward. It swirled around, pressing against everything in sight and attempting to devour. It pushed as it grasped at its prey, as the command rang out to take and take and take-

Until the dark, grasping limbs touched water.

The ocean rumbled. Crackling noises echoed from the depths. A low growl ripped through the seas, causing the water to churn. A blue glow flashed through the deep.

A single, fiery eye opened, rage building as it stared at the intrusive force.

The darkness shuddered and pulled back, terror flashing through it as it fled. All the while, the growling in its ears never subsided, even as it vacated the sea…

I felt the pressure dissipate, and the darkness left my vision. Further away, I saw the old man giving me a curious expression before walking away. But I saw those eyes flash gold as he stalked away.

When I blinked, he was just…gone.

I pressed my hand to my chest in confusion. For a split second, I had a vision of a furious, fire-colored eye glaring at me before closing. I let out a shocked gasp as the vision passed before looking down.

Guess I have that guy, whatever or whoever he is, to thank…

"I know, right? That looked terrifying," my mother muttered while turning to me. "That old man saved that poor boy in the nick of time. And he's just ran off? Reminds me of Shidou-chan. Remember how they talked about guardian angels?"

I realized she must have seen me gasp, meaning she probably thought I was reacting to the kid that nearly crashed. I rolled with it, nodding at her words while eyeing the space where the 'old man' had been standing.

I don't know what Miki was on…but I certainly didn't see a guardian, or an angel.

All I could hope was that I'd seen the last of him.

For the next few days, I saw three more dojos. Two out of three of them taught the same stuff as the 'safe and fun' one Gorou had brought me to. So, completely useless stuff.

The third just had more 'Karate Kid Antagonist' energy going on. And I did not wanna hang around with some of the kids in those.

But at the end of the week, I finally had a breakthrough.

See, Issei had practically dragged our father out of the house so he could hang out with Matsuda and Motohama. He'd also dragged me out of my room while I was practicing light stances. Gorou was simply laughing as my brother simply charged like a linebacker with me in tow.

We met our two friends in a nearby park. Issei ended up sitting along with Motohama as he discreetly measured up whichever girl passed by. Behind us, Matsuda was running around a public track field. Meanwhile, I was busy doing a basic workout routine. Further away, my father was doing some light reading.

While my brother and Motohama were busy checking out older women, Matsuda would occasionally stop to chat with me. The bald boy was the only other one in the group who had an attitude for any physical activity, so it was relieving that he could actually tune into a conversation I'd started without getting bored.

I was telling him of my woes while he was on a water break. For several moments, Matsuda simply listened to me and nodded along while taking sips from a water bottle. After I finished, the bald boy turned away with a thoughtful expression.

"Huh, they don't sound anything like the dojo my cousin trains at," Matsuda hummed.

"...Wut?"

"Yeah, my cousin goes to this other martial arts dojo. Actually, she doesn't really talk about it much, though."

I turned to him with a dark look. "Matsuda…your cousin…trains at a martial arts dojo?"

"Uh, y-yeah."

I grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him up slightly while giving him a manic look. "And you didn't think to tell me?!"

"Eh?! Hey, p-please don't kill me, man! It just slipped my mind, alright!"

"...Where?"

"Uh, w-what?"

"Where?! Where is this dojo your cousin trains at?!" I asked darkly.

About an hour later, Gorou was driving the four of us towards the dojo while making smalltalk. More specifically, he was asking Matsuda about his cousin and the dojo. The bald boy couldn't give much-in his words, his cousin was dodgy about what training she got.

My brother and Motohama, on the other hand-

"I can't believe you're dragging us away from the park for this!" the bespectacled boy whined.

"There were so many babes~! There was even a bathhouse nearby!" my brother continued.

"Okay, and?" I asked them, raising a brow at their enraged looks. "We're all too young and short to be in those girls' leagues. And just because I'm a pervert who wants to fix our country's failing birth rate, doesn't mean I wanna peep."

"How can you not wanna sneak a peek at some great tits?!" Motohama shouted angrily.

I noticed my father wincing at that and sighed as I addressed the other boy. "Let me ask you something, okay? Why would you set the goalpost so low?"

"...Eh? W-What is that supposed to mean?"

"What I'm asking is; how can you be satisfied with just looking?" I gave my brother a disappointed look. "That's why I want a harem! No guy could be satisfied with just looking. So I'm gonna marry a bunch of girls, and with their help, I'll do everything to fix the birthrate! Even if I have to put my body on the line, I'll do it! I will never give up!"

For several long moments, there was silence.

"Hah~! Nii-san, you're always so incredible!" Issei suddenly shouted. "But I'm not gonna get left behind! I'll fall in love with lots of women! I will become a Harem King! I won't let any obstacles stand in my way!"

I swear I saw my father both laughing and crying as he drove. Thankfully, it wasn't so bad that we might crash. But it almost looked like he was…proud? I can't describe the look on his face, since I could barely see it, but I knew he wasn't simply disappointed.

Eventually we reached the dojo…or, at least, what Matsuda said was the dojo.

The area was a spot in Kuoh that often catered to tourists or people passing through to get to either Kyoto or Tokyo. The dojo itself was nestled in an out-of-the-way spot near a few restaurants, a few gift shops for tourists, and-oddly enough-a mix between a magic/occult shop and a 'fortune teller'.

When we exited the car, Gorou stood still and stared at the building. I could tell his expression, while restrained, looked almost hopeless.

"Hey, that first place is still open today, right? It looked fun and safe~!"

"Tou-san, I'm gonna go in with or without you," I deadpanned.

"Alright, alright! But if something happens, your mother is gonna get a big 'I told you so', you know that?"

"No, she's not," Issei said offhandedly.

"You're right, she's not…" our father whined flatly.

When we entered the dojo…well, I'm not gonna mince words. The place was practically empty. To the point I swore a tumbleweed might fly through it. The only things in the building were some training equipment, some display cases, and-oddly enough-a couple of ofuda.

…Maybe all of these different dojos followed some martial artist religion. The charms weren't like any that I'd seen at festivals-those were just blanket good luck charms. No, for some reason, these seemed like they had some more significant purpose.

Before I could think further, I heard a loud noise echoing from further in the building. If you've ever seen some of those cheesy martial arts movies where the training montage has the main character shouting out, it was that. Not loud or angry, but forceful shouts, followed by the sound of rhythmic impacts against a surface.

As I listened, I noticed a dark shape moving about a nearby hallway. I heard both my father, my brother, and my friends make choked whimpers as a large figure entered the room. The figure slammed a tall, oblong object onto the floor before turning to us.

I'm gonna be honest, he looked like a character from Street Fighter. The guy was a dead ringer for Sagat, minus the eyepatch or scars. When the giant turned to us, he had this intense look about him, and I could practically hear a low rumble building up.

"...Hello. How can I help you?"

Yeah, even the way he spoke seemed to make things shake. The dude was just all around intimidating. I could see Gorou shying away from the tall man the moment he'd spoken.

"U-Uh, w-well, see, m-my son! He, uh, wanted to sign up for the dojo!" my father stuttered out, giving the man a nervous grin and a small chuckle. "D-Do you have any spots open, or-"

The tall man turned away and cupped a hand to his mouth. "Oi, Kai! We've got somebody who wants to sign up for the dojo! You gonna come out?"

"In a minute!" a laidback voice called out.

A couple of minutes later, a man slunk into the dojo. I say 'slunk' because, rather than move like a normal person, this man entered the room, went past the tall bald man, and slammed into a nearby wall. He practically bounced off the wall before falling across the floor before our feet, his arms and legs twisted behind his back.

When the man looked up, I got a better look at him. His hair was spiky and blonde, though I could tell it was dyed due to the brown locks and roots. His gi looked somewhat tattered and dirty, in fact, his general appearance looked unkempt. When he looked our way, I noticed the bags under his dark eyes.

"...Oi, Syu! I think I'm like, seeing double and stuff," the blonde man tilted his head to look at his friend. "You mind takin' over?"

"Uhm, Kai? I see 'em too. Pretty sure those kids are twins," the bald man deadpanned.

"...Oh? Oh, yeah, that probably makes sense," the blonde stood to his feet and stretched tiredly before facing us. "Yo! My name is Sago Kuukai! I haven't slept in two days!" There was a short silence as the man stared at us with an almost flat, wall-eyed gaze before his eyes snapped back into place. "So, how are you guys? Or, better yet…w-who are you guys?"

"Hmm? Oh, uh, right! My name is Hyoudou Gorou, and one of my sons wants to sign up for martial arts classes."

"...Like, which one?"

My father pointed to me. "That son, right there. Isashi, go ahead and-"

"No, I mean, which martial art? We're an MMA gym, we like…we teach a bunch of different styles. You lookin' for, like, Karate? We teach a bit of Judo, maybe some Akido?" the blonde let out a small grunt as he stood to his feet. "I honestly don't know! What was your little dude planning on learning?"

"Uh…Isashi? Was there a specific style you wanted to learn?" my father muttered.

"I was just gonna mix and match different styles," I said loudly while rummaging through my pockets. "I have a journal here, actually! I think I decided to focus on Muay Thai, Karate, and Bajiquan. But Judo and Jujitsu sound useful, and I looked up some Wing Chun and Silat matches that looked impressive."

"...Ah, so you wanna know the best ways to punch people in the face, huh?" Kuukai giggled.

"W-Well, it's not like I wanna go around punching people in the face," I mumbled.

"Ay! That makes you a lot better than anybody else who showed up here," the blonde said as he slouched slightly, giving my father a curious look. "So, let me guess, you took a while to find this place? All the other places were…"

"Well, the three I saw looked fun! And they seemed so safe~!" Gorou whined.

"Glorified yoga, got it! And the other two?"

"You know the bad guys from the Karate Kid?" at the surprised look he gave me, I hummed. "And not just OG Karate Kid, either. Like, one of the dojos Kaa-san took me to gave off 'Karate Kid III' bad guy vibes."

"80's movies were wild~!" the tall bald man mumbled.

"Well, I think I can teach your kid. Just gotta ask you and him a few questions," Kuukai hummed while eyeing me curiously. "I don't know any Silat, unfortunately. You should also know that mixing styles up like that takes a while to learn, you know that?"

"I'm not worried! I'll train as hard as I can!" I said firmly.

"Huh, you're determined. Well, Syuga can probably help you with Muay Thai and Bajiquan."

"...Eh?"

"Oh, right, forgot! So, by the way~!" the blonde grabbed the taller man and pulled him down in a bear hug until he was closer to the same height. Despite the bald man whining, he didn't fight it, even seemingly fighting a small grin, as Kuukai chuckled. "This is my assistant sensei, Nitani Syuga. I know he looks scary, but he's like a giant teddy bear. Honestly, he's probably more nervous about you guys~!"

"W-Well, new people make me nervous!" the tall man whined while twiddling his fingers.

I suddenly realized that all that rumbling and shaking from before was not building anger and power. With a second glance, I could see the bald man's nervous gaze, the sweat running down the sides of his face, and I could hear a tiny half-whimper.

…Well, that flips that cliche on its head.

"DId you guys hear about us from the newspaper ad? I mean, it was pretty small," the blonde released Syuga and rubbed the back of his head, a curious expression spreading across his face. "Or maybe it was the flyer? I know I put a bunch up."

"You only put one up," the tall man deadpanned.

"Well, yeah, but that's a flyer, right? They'd have seen it."

"You put it up a year ago. That thing probably washed into a storm drain," the bald man mumbled.

"Well, it had to be somewhere."

"Oh, well, my son's friend here apparently has a relative that trains here~!" my father said cheerfully while motioning to Matsuda. "He's the one who told us where to find you."

"Agh! Issei, tell your old man not to put me on the spot like that!" the bald boy whined to my brother.

"Relative? Oi, which relative?" the blonde asked.

"...U-Uh, my cousin, Sousei. She talked about this place a few weeks ago," Matsuda said sheepishly.

"Wait, you're Sousei-chan's cousin? She doesn't like talking about you. I barely knew you existed."

"...Jee, wonder why?" the boy asked sarcastically.

"Oi, Konkou! Take a break real quick! Come on out here!" Kuukai shouted towards the back of the building.

"WHY?!" a voice shouted from further back in the building.

"Just get out here, Sousei-chan~!" Syuga called cheerfully.

There was a bit of grumbling as somebody practically stomped their ways through the halls. Barely a minute later, a girl had walked into the room, giving both men an annoyed glare and a pout.

She was about the same age as mine and my brother's friends. She was dressed in a standard-looking gi that looked slightly worn. Her hair was dark blue, and her fierce looking eyes were a much lighter powder blue shade.

The moment she spotted Matsuda, she let out a groan. "Oh, what the fresh hell is this?!"

"Oh, so you know these guys?" the blonde man giggled.

"Yeah, that's my idiot pervert cousin! And these are probably his idiot pervert friends!" the girl, Sousei, grumbled.

"...Perverts?" both martial arts teachers gaped.

"Idiot?! How dare you!" Motohama suddenly shouted. "I'll have you know that I'm the smartest person in this room! My skill with math is unmatched!"

Kuukai slouched worriedly at those words. "Uh, I don't think having a skill in math automatically makes you the smartest-"

"My Three-Sizes Scouter is perfect! No mere idiot could possibly comprehend the intricate calculations that allow it to work!"

"...T-Three what now?!" the blonde man wheezed out.

"With one look, I can calculate the three sizes of any woman with 98% accuracy~! And with cultivation, my power will only grow!" the bespectacled boy giggled lecherously while cupping his hands to his cheeks. "I want to measure up and see the most perfect breasts~! I wanna lay and grab at those pillows as much as I can~! That's the greatest pleasure I can imagine~!"

"...Wut?" the tall man squeaked out.

"Hah! I'm gonna follow my dreams too!" Matsuda said loudly. "I…love flat-chested babes! The meat rises for all sizes! Flat is justice! And when I get older, I'm gonna marry a legal lolicon girl~!"

"...Are you real?!" Kuukai whined while turning to my father in shock. "Is…is this real? Am I on drugs or something?"

Gorou had a look of despair on his face as he turned to the other man. "Yes, this is all very much real. You are in reality. Unfortunately…"

My brother suddenly ran past our father and gave the blonde man a determined look. "Hey, listen up! My name is Hyoudou Issei! And I…love oppai~!"

"H-Huh?!"

"My goal in life is to be surrounded and loved by lots of gorgeous women~! I wanna enjoy their oppai~! I…will become the Harem King~!" Issei pumped a fist into the air while shouting loudly. "I won't fail! Nothing will stop me from reaching my goal!"

The next noise that came out of the two martial arts teachers surprised me. They were loud wheezes that slowly evolved into wild cackles. The two of them looked at my brother and our friends in between chuckles, with the confused expressions they got in response only making them laugh harder. Their laughter got so wild that I could see tears flashing at the corner of their eyes.

Eventually, Kuukai turned towards my father with a loud cackle. "This is…this is a joke, right? You're punking us, is that it?" he looked around the room while breaking into a fit of giggles. "You…you put in cameras while we weren't looking. This cannot be real~!"

"It is!" I said loudly while striding forward. "My name is Hyoudou Isashi! My goal in life is to marry lots of women! And with their help, I will fix our country's birthrate!"

"W-What?!" the blonde laughed out.

"By getting my own harem, I will save our country! No matter what, in this I won't fail!" I stopped in front of the man and looked at him fiercely. "I will do this, even if it kills me! That is my goal, and I won't let anything stop me!"

"HAHAHAHAHA! No freakin' way!" Kuukai cried out in between loud cackles. "This…this is…this is the greatest day of my life! I can't believe this is actually happening!"

"This is…so…stupid~!" Syuga cried between chuckles. "I love it! How the hell is this even possible?!"

The blonde man managed to settle himself slightly before giving my father a kind smile. "Hyoudou, was it? Hyoudou-san, I would like to train both of your sons~!"

Issei balked at this. "Eh? Wait, me too? But why?!"

"Because of your determination! That look in your eyes, it makes me believe you can achieve your goal!"

"Really?!" Issei cried out excitedly.

"Really?!" Gorou whined in despair.

"That fierce look in your eyes was like that of a Dragon's, ready to take what is rightfully his. How could I not want to help cultivate the strength of a heart filled with so much resolve?!" the blonde man turned to me and gave me a kind smile. "And you! You speak of fixing our country's birthrate like a man who is fighting for his very life! Even when you say you're ready to die, behind your words, I feel the willpower of a man wishing to live, who has every intention to overcome every hurdle he can!" Kuukai clapped his hands together while shouting rapturously. "I…want to see that strength of will blossom! I want to see you grow into that resolve! I believe you can reach your goals!"

I smiled while patting my twin brother on the shoulder. Issei flashed me a radiant smile in response.

"What?! You're gonna just let these perverts in?" Sousei shouted loudly.

"Yeah, sure!" the blonde said simply.

"What is wrong with you?!" the girl cried out.

"You just don't understand!" Kuukai said tiredly before facing my father. "Alright, I still gotta ask some questions real quick. But I think your sons will benefit from what I have to teach," the man tilted his head thoughtfully. "The other two, I'll see what I can do."

"Wait, us?!" both of the other two boys cried out.

"Well, yeah! You two have a fierceness about you as well~!" the blonde chuckled. "I think I can help you grow~! That determination you both have is something that deserves to blossom!"

"Wow~! You really think that? So cool~!" Matsuda said.

"Now, I'll just need your parents' permission, and to ask them and you a bunch of questions. Come back here with them when you're ready, alright~!"

"You can't invite them like this! Kai-sensei, they're perverts!" Sousei cried out.

"Oi, you said this one's your cousin, right?" Kuukai asked, while motioning to Matsuda. "You got his parents' number? I can just call them up."

"Like hell I'm going to give you that information!" the girl cried out.

I watched the two of them arguing before shaking my head. Internally, I was pumping my fist while cheering. Because now, regardless of whatever kind of side-genre this Ecchi Anime world had, I know I can survive it.

Badass training montage get!

Next chapter should give you more detail on some things, but also it's a bit of an introductory chapter towards some more characters (canon or otherwise). Every chapter after the next two will be set in Kuoh Academy after a time skip-because, you know, the series is called 'High School DxD'. It'd be dumb to not get the high school setting up soon enough.

Now then, onto the reviews~

Some1call4MR-E: I'm not sure where it got lost there, but this is IsseiXcanonharem. Issei getting cucked or replaced actually annoys the hell out of me for many reasons, not in the least because it's very rare that any of the replacement OCs people end up using are any interesting. MC isn't gonna be stealing any of Issei's girls. As for the whole 'fanon' thing about the old man in the park-it's been brought up in a bunch of fics and on Reddit, but I've had a couple of DMs on SB and AO3 and apparently nobody even remembers whether it's canon or not, and I'd already had it in the outline anyway. And I'm mostly going by the Manga rather than simply the anime, because the LNs are hard to get online without pirating, so I'm seriously not worried about following the anime plot's consistently when it was very much the opposite.

Tyrant-King-Xenomorph: Like I said, cucking Issei is the last thing I wanna do. If a canon girl joins MC's harem, it's gonna be one that isn't canonically attracted to Issei in a romantic way. Plus, I'm basing a bunch of the OCs off of other anime/VN/LN girls (I've seen other fics do it, I'm not ashamed). NTR is trash and I will not facilitate it.

For anybody whose interested, you can check out my P a treon. Unfortunately, FF. Net doesn't do the links well, so you'll have to close the spaces below/rewrite it slightly on your browser.

P a treon. com(slash) Locksoli

As always, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive criticism in your reviews. And thank you for reading.