My vision was blurred as the bright light from the computer's monitor burned my retina, my fingers trailing across the keyboard relentlessly. Dark circles marked the bottom of my eyes. Heh, if my parents saw me in this state they'd be extremely concerned, but none of that mattered to me.

''Nao, how about we go for some ice cream tomorrow after school?"

''Do you want to go to the amusement park? I know you're afraid of heights, so don't worry, we don't have to go on rollercoasters or any other extreme attractions, we'll go on the ones you want to."

"You look gorgeous in that outfit! It suits you perfectly!"

My ears had been hearing these same words for hours. I was unable to stop doing it. Listening to these old audios of our conversations had become a daily ritual. It was as if the soft voice of my trash golden-haired sweetheart worked wonders on me. It felt like a sedative and a motivator at the same time, urging me to continue my endless search for him on social media and newspapers.

4 years.

4 freaking years since he went missing from my life.

I never considered that he would really have the courage to leave his old life behind and never come back. Was it naivety on my part?

With each passing day, I felt the ache and emptiness inside me grow, consuming me whole.

Why? Why didn't you stay, Hiroki? Even though you suffered emotional damage by our hands, here you could at least be sure of having a home to live in, a comfy bed to sleep on and good food to eat. You could have been my precious puppy, I would take good care of you, I would let you sleep cuddled up with me once Kokujin had left after the sex, I could stroke your head softly, letting you feel my still warm and horny body. If you were obedient, I would suck your dick till you came and then gently kiss you before we went to sleep. I would be such a loving girlfriend to you. I'd make you forget about your family, who don't even seem to remember your existence anymore, and I'd make you turn your love all over to me. Maybe it would be difficult for you at first, but I'm sure you'd adapt quickly.

Wasn't that a much better option than wandering the streets until you found someone to help you? Good Samaritans are hard to find, and even if by a miracle you did find one, wouldn't it be much more painful to live alone and friendless?

Here at least you'd still have me. I'm the only person who really cares about you, the others don't give a damn. Even if I could not allow you to fuck me, I would be willing to hand over my heart to you. My love would be yours.

Was it too much to ask for your comprehension, Hiroki? It's due to your actions that even Kokujin can't bring me any satisfaction, you should take responsibilty! While the others are still crazy about his cock, I've gradually drifted away, until I've stopped having sex with him altogether.

After all, there was no point in continuing if the enjoyment sex brought me was long gone.

Unconsciously, I looked at my bed, where a huge body pillow lay. Attached to it was a thick dildo, while at the top was a picture of my charming and weak boyfriend.

My search for sexual satisfaction led me down some strange paths.

Initially, after I stopped having physical intimacy with Kokujin, I started roaming around the city, chasing after blond boys for some naughty fun. I thought that since they were similar to Hiroki, I could experience orgasms with another human being once again.

But it was just a delusion on my part.

They might look a bit like Hiroki, but only superficially. The facial features, the voice, the shade of the eyes or even the softness of the skin. Everything was drastically different.

So the last option left to me was to create this thing.

I have to admit that at first I was ashamed of myself, but when I felt the dildo poking at the entrance of my pussy, plunging into me inch by inch as I kept looking at Hiroki's photo while turning o the volume of his audios repeatin my name, the shame faded away and sensations almost otherworldly overtook me.

Recently, when I used my handmade toy, I didn't envision another man fucking me in front of Hiroki as I used to. Rather than that, it would be me teasing him, driving him mad with lust until I could not hold back any longer and raped him myself.

It was these more recent fantasies that always gave me the strongest orgasms, far superior to any I'd felt in the past, whether from my own hands, from a man or from one of the other three girls during our past orgies.

Until not long ago, that was enough for me while Hiroki didn't return. But deep down, I knew that there would come a time when this poorly made copy would no longer be enough. Nowadays, just like I feared, I could feel myself beginning to long hungrily for the real Hiroki. To touch his thin, but fit body and have him under me, subdued, begging me to keep going as I rode him hard.

Having realized that Hiroki was an essential factor in my life, I never gave up on him and to this day, even after all this time, I'm still looking for him.

I have to confess that I've occasionally wondered if I'd never find him, feeling scared when I thought he might have found a new woman. But I always dismissed the notion.

Taking into account the extent of his trauma, I'm sure he can't even get close to a woman anymore, and if he tried, of course the first thing that would pop into his mind would be memories of all of us, especially me since this whole chain of events began as a result of my actions, so it's obvious that I was the one who left the biggest mark on him.

Thinking about it for a moment... Isn't it as if wherever he goes, he's carrying a part of me inside him? Even if he dared to try to have sex with someone, I know that an imagnary version of me would appear in the far reaches of his mind, making him lose his will to do it.

And that's the way his love life must be going, alone or unsure about having sex, which in turn keeps him as a virgin.

And may it remain that way, Hiroki.

Your virginity can only be taken by me~❤️

I started to giggle pervertedly, which was cut short when the ringtone of my cell phone rang out. I quickly picked it up, just to find out that it was a call from Kaede.

"Tsk, I hope it's not her trying to convince me to take part in their orgies again."

Both Kokujin and these sluts hadn't taken my decision of stopping having sex with them too well, so sometimes they would contact me to try to influence me into engaging in a sexual relationship with them again.

Accepting the call, I left my cell phone on speaker and put it on the table. Not long after, a gentle, mature female voice could be heard.

"Hi Nao-chan, how are you?"

"Cut the crap, Kaede. Go straight to the point and tell me what you want. I'm busy." - I cut her off with vexation seeping out of me.

"'O-okay. So, remember your request to let me know if anything involving my worthless son came up? I think I might have a lead." - My heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I heard what that bitch said.

Am I dreaming? After all these years, I might have a clue to Hiroki's whereabouts? Yes, yes, yes! God really is benevolent to those who don't give up.

"I'll be at your house in 20 minutes."

"Eh? Wait, Nao-!"

I ended the call and quickly changed my clothes. Hurrying down the stairs, I ignored my parents' surprised voices in the background, asking what had happened, but their questions fell in deaf ears. Running down the street, I felt the chilly wind ruffle my hair wildly and the night air rush into my lungs. My dark eyes, once crestfallen, sprang to life.

I can't believe I might get some information at last! Even if said information is not particularly spectacular, that's okay. Seemingly insignificant clues can lead to great discoveries too.

Just wait for me Hiroki! I'll find you as soon as possible, and when I do...

I'll claim you as mine.