There's gonna be a lot of POV shifts. For this chapter only, I will use names as to whose POV it is because it'll get a tiny bit confusing otherwise.
Chapter 19: Self doubt
"This is a good spot," Kai said. suddenly while walking beside Clive and Nemona. Quaxly was nowhere to be found, for he was in his Pokeball. His two companions turned as Kai sat on the grassy floor.
"...What're you doing?" Nemona asked. "You can't train while sitting down!"
"It doesn't matter how much skill I gain," Kai said, "If I'm not confident enough in myself, I'll never be able to do it."
"So what're you doing right now?"
"I'm… gonna meditate."
"What? Why?"
"I saw in a book I read once that meditation can help with anxiety and stress. My issue's purely a mental one... I just don't believe in myself." Kai clenched his fists.
"But- I don't see how-"
"Nemona," Clive said. "You have your methods of becoming stronger, and so does Kai. He doesn't have to do everything your way."
Nemona sighed, lowering her head in disappointment. "But I wanted to fight with hiiiimm…"
"Why don't you find something else to do?" Kai asked.
"Hmm… Y'know what, I'll do just that," Nemona said, nodding to herself. "I'll go for a run or something!" The vibrant trainer tossed her Pokéball, and out of it came Fuecoco, who raised his tiny little arms in excitement. "Let's go for a run, Fuecoco!" Nemona said, jogging in place. Fuecoco hopped with excitement.
"Yeah! Let's-" Nemona's eyes widened as something suddenly came to her mind. "Wait- where's Tinkatuff?"
"Eh, that thing'll show up sooner or later," Kai said. "She'll probably come back to greet me with a bonk to my head or something."
"You sure?" Nemona said. "What if she's lost?"
"Trust me. She's not lost."
"Wonder what she's up to…" Nemona said. "Well- while we're on our run maybe we'll find her, right Fuecoco!?"
Fuecoco cried out happily.
"Let's go!"
Kai watched as the pair ran off together. Clive sighed and sat down next to Kai.
"Interesting choice, deciding to meditate instead of train."
"It's purely a mental thing with me," Kai said, turning to Clive and pointing a finger to his forehead. "I have to stop doubting myself… but I have no idea how."
"Take this time to have a conversation with yourself while meditating," Clive said. "I'll try to help you."
"Thanks, Clive. You're a really nice guy."
"I just enjoy seeing people grow." Clive said. "Anywho- let's begin."
Tinkatuff's POV
Tinkatuff was hiding behind a tree, spying on the Pawmo she had a crush on. As Pawmo moved, Tinkatuff moved onto the next closest tree so she could follow him. As her tiny feet touched the grassy floor and moved through bushes, the Pawmo looked around, and Tinkatuff froze in place inside of a bush. Pawmo looked around for a moment, before shrugging and moving on. Then, after the electric type went far enough, Tinkatuff popped her head out of the bush.
She was only going to check where Pawmo lived so the next time she would wander away from her trainer she'd find him again. That's it- nothing nefarious, the tiny Pokémon thought. She just needed to make sure she wasn't caught. As Pawmo continued to walk, Tinkatuff went from bush to bush, then hid behind a tree. Suddenly, Pawmo's nose began to move as he sniffed the air, then he turned to the tree that Tinkatuff was hiding. Tinkatuff's eyes widened in horror as Pawmo charged straight for the tree she hid behind-
And proceeded climbed up it.
Tinkatuff sighed in relief and looked up, seeing the Pawmo falling her way, and quickly darted to the other side of the tree. Pawmo landed on the ground with an Oran Berry in its mouth. Then, the mouse Pokémon started moving on. Tinkatuff followed.
Soon, the Pawmo kept walking until it reached a nest that looked to be made of leaves.
"I'm here!" Pawmo cried.
Tinkatuff watched as Pawmo pulled some of the leaves away to reveal a Smoliv, who was lying on his back. There was a tiny crack on the front of its head, and it had tears falling from its beady eyes.
Pawmo leaned toward the floor and dropped the Oran berry in his mouth for the Smoliv to inch toward and then start eating. "There you go," Pawmo said, caressing Smoliv's head as it ate and smiling. "You'll need your strength."
He was a caretaker!
Tinkatuff's eyes widened with extreme excitement. She began leaping with joy from behind a tree, and squealing in glee, even wondering if he'd be like that for the children she'd have with him.
Wait, How could she think like that!? Tinkatuff began blushing even harder. She hadn't even met the Pokemon, and now she was thinking about having kids with him!? But she couldn't help herself, she was absolutely enamored. She leaned against the tree she hid behind and breathed a long sigh.
Pawmo's ears twitched. He turned his head.
"Who's there?!" Pawmo cried. Tinkatuff's eyes widened in terror, and for a moment, she thought that she was compromised. She thought about showing herself for a bit, only to hear the sounds of leaves moving ahead of her. Suddenly, several Grafaiai fell from the trees and landed in front of Smoliv and Pawmo. The electric/fighting type stood protectively in front of the injured Smoliv.
"Hmm…" One Grafaiai said. "Easy Prey."
"Yes," Another said. "Very."
"Quite," Another said. "Very, very easy."
The rest of the Grafaiai all nodded, agreeing with each other one by one.
A bead of sweat fell down Pawmo's head. If it were only one or two of these Toxic Monkey Pokémon that appeared, he could probably take them.
But 7? No way. But he had to try.
"I won't let you guys touch my friend!" Pawmo exclaimed.
"It's okay.." Smoliv said. "You can leave me here.."
"No, shut up!" Pawmo cried. "You're gonna be fine, everything's going to be alright- I'm going to protect you, and-..!"
The Grafaiai surrounded the Electric type and inched closer to him and Smoliv.
"Yes. Very easy." One Grafaiai said.
"Very, very easy prey."
"Can take prey with hands tied behind back. Yes."
"Very easy."
"Leave those two alone!" Pawmo's eyes widened in shock as a new voice came to his ears.
The entire crowd of Grafaiai along with Pawmo himself all spun their heads. Behind them was Tinkatuff with an angry expression.
"Who is this?" A Grafaiai said.
"Never seen this one." Another said.
"No one knows who this one is?" Another said.
The Grafaiai all pondered, tilting their heads and putting their long pointer fingers over their chins as Tinkatuff came closer.
Tinkatuff roared as she ran to the closest Grafaiai and whacked it, sending it flying into a tree. The struck Poison/Normal Pokémon slid off the Tree and onto the ground head-first. The crowd of Grafaiai leapt in terror. Pawmo's eyes widened as he gasped.
"N-No way..! With just one hit..!" Pawmo exclaimed.
"Attack!" One Grafaiai cried. Two Grafiaiai leapt to Tinkatuff- one landed in front of her, and the other landed behind her. The both of them started running after the small hammer-wielding Pokémon.
Tinkatuff slammed her hammer to the ground with enough force to bounce both of her attacker's feet off the ground.
"Brutal swing!" Tinkatuff's hammer glowed with dark-type energy as she swung around her, smacking and catching both Grafaiai on her hammer and sending them flying with one fell swoop.
Both Grafaiai flew to distant trees and crashed into them, before falling on their heads like her first attacker.
"Tough one, this one is," Grafaiai said.
"Retreat, we should," Another said.
"We must, we must," a third cried.
The rest of the still conscious Grafaiai turned and ran off.
"Yeah, and stay out!" Tinkatuff cried out. "Don't ever show your faces here again!"
Pawmo watched as all the Poison/Normal type Pokémon ran off, and then finally sighed in relief.
"T-Thank goodness you came," Pawmo said, approaching Tinkatuff. "Thank you so much."
Tinkatuff's eyes widened in shock as she began to blush.
"U-Uh… It's-... Uh… no…proble-.." Tinkatuff shook her head. "I- I mean..! I wasn't trying to protect you! Why would I protect you!? I was just trying to protect my new territory! Yeah!" Tinkatuff nodded. "Of course! Wh-Why would I protect you?!" She started chuckling nervously.
Pawmo raised his eyebrows. "Either way, you saved me and Smoliv. I'm in your debt."
"Pfft-" Tinkatuff said, blushing even harder. "N-Not like I-...c-care."
"P-Pawmo…" Smoliv spoke up, and both Tinkatuff and Pawmo rushed to him.
"Hey- you okay?" Pawmo asked.
"I-... I appreciate you taking care of me…" Smoliv said. "But… I'm in your way. You didn't have to do all of this.. I'm just a stranger."
Pawmo shook his head. "I had to help you. You're still injured, and you need to heal."
Tinkatuff's heart raced as Pawmo crouched and extended a hand to Smoliv's forehead to caress him.
For a moment, Tinkatuff imagined Pawmo doing that to an egg that the two of them would create and saying the words 'I will always protect you'... to them.
Tinkatuff shook her head quickly to snap herself out of her daze and came back to reality.
"But that was the third time other Pokémon came to try and eat me…" Smolive said. "and you're still protecting me. We can't run away from them forever. I think it's better that-"
"Don't even think about it," Pawmo said. "I'm not leaving you."
"Why..? Why are you doing this?"
"Because I want to. I don't like seeing people hurting, so I just want to do my best to help out. That's it."
He's so caring, Tinkatuff thought. She was smiling like an idiot.
"...Urgh… if only I hadn't fallen and hurt myself.." Smoliv said.
Wait.
This was perfect! This was her chance to seamlessly talk about her human, Kai, and mention it to the two of them without sounding like she was bragging!
"Wait- wait, I've got an idea!" Tinkatuff said. "I- uh, I have a human!"
"...You have a human?" Pawmo turned to Tinkatuff.
"Yeah! It caught me, but I whacked him, so now It's more like I captured him!"
Both Smoliv and Pawmo exchanged glances.
"Anyway-" Tinkatuff said, "This human of mine will definitely know how to fix Smoliv!"
"Really!?" Pawmo's eyes widened with excitement. "Do you know where it is?!"
"...Uhhhhhhhhhh…"
Pawmo frowned. "Y-You don't know where your human is?"
"I do! I do- it's.. Uh… I think…In…this…forest?"
Pawmo narrowed his eyes. "You seem unsure."
"I don't have a human-finder-device or anything! How am I supposed to know?!"
"I thought Pokémon that are captured always stay around their human. Besides, didn't you say earlier that this was your territory? Wouldn't that mean you're not captured?"
"Wait- no- I can explai-"
Smoliv sighed. "...You know," The grass type said, "it's okay if you don't actually have a human…."
"I DO!" Tinkatuff hopped up and down in frustration. "I swear, I do! It caught me while I was trying to beat up a Pokémon that was THIIIS BIG!" Tinkatuff put her hammer down and put her hands up as high as she could. "Bigger than that tree!" She pointed at the trees, and both Smoliv and Pawmo looked up at the tree.
Then, the two Pokémon gasped in fear.
"Yeah, I know, scary right?"
Pawmo pointed over the fairy-type's shoulder. Tinkatuff stared at him with a confused look, then turned to look up herself, then gasped in terror.
There was an entire Flock of Kilowattrel staring down at them, all of their eyes zeroed in on Smoliv.
The three Pokémon all screamed at the same time.
"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Tinkatuff cried, shivering as she took several steps back.
"W-We can take them..!" Pawmo said, stepping back, toward Smoliv. "We- We just need a strategy!"
"Is the strategy to run!? Because I like that strategy!" Tinkatuff cried.
"I- uh, I think that's a good idea.. Lemme just grab Smoliv, and-"
"No- Just...L-Leave me here… let them take me.." Smoliv said. "They just want me.. Not you guys!"
"Don't even think about it!" Pawmo said.
"It's my time, not yours, you guys have to live a long life, okay?!"
"No! Shut up! Stop talking like that!" Pawmo exclaimed.
The Kilowattrel flock flew down and surrounded the trio of Pokémon.
"Well- S-So much for running away…!" Tinkatuff cried.
"Whoaa- is that Kai's Tinkatuff?!"
A voice Tinkatuff recognized came as all of the electric bird Pokémon flew away in fright as Nemona came rushing in along with Fuecoco, who looked like he was out of breath. The Fire type took the time to lay down as Nemona walked closer to the trio, bent her upper body and put her hands on her hips. "Huh, and it looks like you made friends."
"I-Is that your human?" Pawmo asked.
"No, my human's a male- uh, this one's his friend, I think? Or girlfriend? I don't know."
"W-Well… now's a good time to ask her to catch Smoliv!"
"Uh-... Okay, yeah! Good idea," Tinkatuff said. Tinkatuff pointed at Smoliv. "Hey! You! Human! Catch Smoliv and heal him or something! He needs your help! Please!"
Nemona's POV
"Tinka- Tinkatuff! Tinkatuff! TIINKAAA!" Nemona smiled to herself as she heard Tinkatuff cry out her own name again and again.
"Aww," Nemona said, "You're getting along well with your friends, huh? Well, unfortunately, it's time you went back with Kai." Nemona raised her upper body and kept her hands on her hips. "C'mon, Tinkatuff, let's go."
"TIINKAAA! TINKATUFF!" Tinkatuff cried out even louder, pointing again at Smoliv.
"Aw, you don't want to leave just yet, do you?" Nemona said. "I'd be sad too if I were to leave my friends. Too bad you guys don't have a way to share phone numbers. Huh. Would Pokémon even be able to use phones? Hey, Fuecoco?" Nemona turned to Fuecoco. "Do you think you could use a phone?"
"Fueeeeeeeee…" Fuecoco sighed in exhaustion.
"Eh, to be fair, you have really small arms. I'd probably have to help you out with your phone if you were to ever have one," Nemona turned her head again to the trio of Pokémon. Both Pawmo and Tinkatuff were gesturing at Smoliv together.
"PAWMO! PAWWMOOO!"
"Tinkaaa!" Tinka cried.
"Are you introducing me to Smoliv? Yeah, he's really cute! Heh." Nemona said. "Although I wonder why you guys sound all panicked. Is there something wrong wi-" She blinked as she finally saw it: a crack on Smoliv's head. "Oh jeez- that's not good. You definitely need to go to the PokCcenter to fix that." Nemona pulled a Pokéball from her pocket. "I hope you don't mind if I catch you. I can get you to a Pokecenter and get you all patched up!"
Smoliv nodded very furiously.
Nemona's pokéball opened, and a bright white light flew and consumed it like a Froakie using its tongue to catch a fly. After it rolled for a couple of seconds, the Pokéball made an affirming sound indicating that Smoliv was caught. Nemona picked up the Pokéball and put it in her pocket.
"Smoliv's gonna be just fine while he's in the pokéball! He won't be in pain at all until I let him out of the ball! Aren't Pokéballs neat?" Nemona grinned.
Tinkatuff's POV
"YAAAY!" Pawmo jumped for joy as Tinkatuff smiled and did the same.
"We did it!" They both cried.
Pawmo quickly turned to the Fairy/Steel type. "Thank you so much," Pawmo said. "It's thanks to you that Smolive's going to be okay!"
Tinkatuff's face became red as she blinked. "You're- uh… wel-..." Tinkatuff shook her head quickly. "Oh- uh, I mean... Pffft- it's nothing!" Tinkatuff continued. "I- uh, I was just doing it because I didn't want that Smoliv on my territory!"
Pawmo narrowed his eyes.
"I thought we established that there's no way you'd have a territory if you have a human?" Pawmo said.
"I- this was- this used to be my territory!" Tinkatink cried.
"I've lived here my entire life. How come I haven't seen you?"
"T-That's because I only just recently made this my territory!"
"...Right." Pawmo said. "Anyway, regardless, you helped me. I appreciate it."
Tinkatuff's face became even more red as Pawmo smiled genuinely her way.
"I- Uh. I-... it's… uhhh…..I… Uh…" Tinkatuff scratched the back of her head. "It's uh… I- again, I did it because…my-t-territory.."
Pawmo's smile became bigger.
"Oooh- Now that I think of it, " Nemona suddenly said, "I want to catch the Pawmo, too!"
As soon as Nemona said this, Tinkatuff's eyes widened in shock. She spun around and saw Nemona about to throw a Pokéball. Nemona tossed it, and Tinkatuff moved, jumping and swatting the Pokeball away with her hammer.
"Wha-?!" Both Pawmo and Nemona cried out at the same time as Tinkatuff landed with a crouch.
"RUN!" Tinkatuff cried. She spun, grabbed the still surprised Pawmo and ran off along with him. Pawmo was like a flag flying in the wind as he held onto Tinkatuff's hand.
Nemona's POV
"H-Hey!" Nemona cried. "You can't just do that! Gah…! It's like she's challenging me to catch that Pawmo..!" Nemona turned her head to Fuecoco, and saw he was still resting. "Sorry, Fuecoco, we've gotta go now, ready or not!"
"Fuee…." Fuecoco grumbled.
"Dang it, I'll just return you to your ball!" Nemona did just that she returned Fuecoco to his ball and then turned and started sprinting after Tinkatuff and Pawmo. "If it's a chase you want, it's a chase you'll get! I love it when things get challenging..!"
Kai's POV
Clive and Kai both remained sitting on the grass together, breathing in and out as winds brushed by them and tickled them. Kai opened his eyes, and sighed.
"Ughhhhh…" Kai moaned. "This feels like I'm getting nowhere… maybe I should call Nemona over and train anyway."
"That's because you're trying to relax." Clive responded, keeping his eyes closed. "Relaxation during meditation is supposed to come to you naturally."
"What if It doesn't? Goodness, this feels like a waste of time…"
"Perhaps it'll help if I were to help you meditate. Let my voice guide you this time."
"Are you sure it'll work?"
"Yes. I'm certain. Now close your eyes and listen only to my voice."
Kai took in a frustrated breath of air through his nose before closing his eyes.
"This meditation is about talking to your inner self." Clive said, talking very calmly and soothingly. "As you take in your breath, I want you to think…" Clive said. "Think about what would happen if you undid the shackles of your self-doubt. What would you become if you truly believed in yourself?"
What would he become if he truly believed in himself?
Kai knew this answer very well. He thought of the instance of when he was being cocky toward Aeon, even teasing for a kiss. That was something that he'd never have done if he hadn't temporarily forgotten about how worthless he truly believed himself to be. The joy of achieving something made him feel like he was on top of the world… made him feel like nothing could stop him…
Who would he become if he had no self-doubt?
As that thought entered his mind, Kai could feel his surroundings become dark. A loud ringing noise rang in his mind as Clive's voice was drowned out.
It suddenly felt like he was inside the depths of his own mind. All around him was darkness, no sign of the forest or Clive.
"Well look at that,"
Kai heard a voice. He stood up, knowing full well whose voice it was.
"It's you." Kai said. Kai turned around, prepared to come face to face with the worst enemy that he had ever faced in his life…
Himself.
Kai saw a person that looked to be a clone of himself, except this other Kai had glowing yellow eyes, and a radiating red aura around him. There were golden chains that were holding the second Kai, wrapped around his ankles, wrists, and neck. The clone hung like a poster on a wall.
"Nice to see you, me." The other Kai said, looking at the original.
Kai glared with furious hatred.
"What's wrong?" The other Kai spoke, and a deep, monstrous voice trailed behind the clone's voice. "We're finally face to face, you and I, and you're not going to say a word to me? Huh?"
Kai said nothing.
"How long are you going to suppress me?" The clone asked. "Why are you so afraid of me?"
"Shut up."
"You've got to let me out sometime, y'know."
"SHUT UP!"
The chains around the clone of Kai became tighter as Kai cried out.
"You have to stay chained…" Original Kai said. "I can't afford to let you out."
"What'd happen if you did…?" The other Kai said.
"I don't know. And that's what scares me. I know if I suppress you, then everything'll stay the same. I know that I won't be cocky, I won't say things that'll make me look stupid… it's better this way."
"C'mon, buddy. You know you can't do this forever. Didn't you hear what Clive said? What would happen… if you just let me loose?"
"I'm not used to confidence. It'll take over my mind, I'll become someone I don't want to become.."
"I remember that time when you let me out briefly, after you beat that Klawf. You were on top of the world. You felt like you could do anything. That's when my chains were gone. Then, you said something that you thought you'd regret. What was it?"
"I said that I wanted a kiss from-"
"That's right! a kiss. From Aeon. That's right. Then when you realized it- my chains came back. Why do you do this? What- Are you afraid of being a winner? You and I both know that I'm not some sort of separate personality! I'm the real you, and you can't escape that. I'm trapped behind the inner recesses of your mind! I'm the you that would come out if your confidence was real!"
The original Kai gritted his teeth in response to his true self's claim.
"That's right," The other Kai said. "I'm the real one, and you're the fake. You're afraid of letting out your true self…because you think of me as a monster..! How long… How long are you going to turn your head and run? If you let me out… you'll crush any foe. You know this. So just let me out..!"
The original Kai gritted his teeth and lowered his head as the chains that held his other self pulled him deeper into the shadows. "LET ME OUT!" The clone cried. "DON'T HOLD ME BACK!" Kai turned around as the other Kai began to disappear into the shadows.
The original Kai took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. He then opened his eyes, seeing that he was back in the forest that he and Clive were sitting in the middle of. Kai could finally hear Clive's voice again.
"C-Clive?!" Kai cried.
"Yes?"
"I- uh.. I actually managed to have a conversation with myself." Kai said.
"Really?"
"Yeah.." Kai said, nodding and putting his hand on his face. "I… I'm scared…"
"Scared of what?"
"...Don't worry about it." Kai stood up. "I'm going to… ugh. I'm going to start training, or something."
"Before you do, let me give you a peice of advice," Clive said. "The journey to stop doubting yourself isn't one that you can do overnight. It's a slow arduous process."
Kai thought back to the chains that he was putting on his true self. He knew what he had to do- he had to free that other self of his, little by little, chain by chain. Then, no one would be able to stop him. Not even Nemona.
Probably.