(A/N) Heavy inspired by Deadpool and Wolverine. It isn't an exact copy and paste, but I will be following a similar storyline. If you don't want spoilers leave and come back.

"Now I know what you're thinking. Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own story? Well, tell you the truth, it's all thanks to the newest Marvel movie. Yeah, I know, shocking, a writer taking advantage of a popular IP at the time of its release. Never heard that before! Anyway, this story is much bigger than you realize. Ironically that's what Scout Master Kelvin told me. Am I getting ahead of myself? I'm sorry, I'm just so excited! Deadpool: Savior of the What If Universe. That just feels right! If you don't recall... My journey to this moment started many, many years ago. All the way back to the very beginning of the What If Universe. Even before it was officially renamed the What If Universe. And you would not believe that our story starts off..."

EARTH-Z:

"Where it all fucking started!" Deadpool cried.

Wade was standing in a graveyard with a shovel in his hand. He has been traveling around for something while he then started to search for a specific grave.

"You see, the last time I was here, it was during Crisis. The original Crisis. The one where Cable was more of a supporting character and not a side plot."

Wade then stopped when he found the grave he was looking for:

Here lies

Peter Parker

And his loving wife

Michelle Parker

"Earth-Z was the first world to introduce me." Wade narrated. "Back when I was a throw away joke. A quick cameo to see if I could boost the ratings for the story."

Wade then began to dig up the grave, wondering how deep that he needed to dig.

"Oh, how times have changed. Yeah, I remember everything. I am those kind of beings who can remember everything that happened after Crisis. How? Do I really have to answer that? Well, right now, I am currently trying to dig up an old friend. I know what you're thinking. But he has a healing factor, and he also was brought back from the dead once before."

Wade then slammed into something and sighed. He then opened the casket and froze at the sight of what he was seeing.

"Fuck!"

"And that's how I got here." Wade said with a sigh as he was now leaning on the gravestone. He looked over next to him and saw he dug up the corpse of Spider-Man. "I know it is weird catching up after all the years. But hey, I can't keep these timelines straight. One universe, one year is five decades, the other five weeks is five weeks."

Then he gave the corpse a small pat on the back that caused Peter's corpse to fall over onto Wade. Wade caressed his decomposing corpse by the skull.

"Yeah, it's been a long time since I came back here." Wade said with a sigh. "But I made a name for myself. I'm even besties with one of your doppelgängers. We even have matching friendship bracelets and everything."

Wade then reached up and started to mess with the jaw of the corpse. "Wished we had a relationship by that. Everyone said we were the peak stories."

"Yeah, don't go lying like that." Wade said as he sighed and leaned on the gravestone. "Well, sorry for ruining your eternal rest. But I have a feeling your work isn't done yet."

Then strangely shaped portals formed and exited revealed to be similar TVA Agents that once kidnapped the Warriors of the Multiverse. They took out their continuity prunes and were preparing to strike against Wade.

"Wade Wilson!" The lead TVA Agent cried as he approached. "You are under arrest for messing with the continuity of the What If Universe."

"Yeah?" Wade asked as he ducked under the gravestone. He then yanked Peter down with him in worry. "Okay, looks like me and you get to do one last dance together. Hope your bones are still durable." He then grabbed the skeleton and leaped over the gravestone, preparing for a fight. "Maximum effort!"

But before we can get to the ass kicking of Deadpool versus the TVA, time freezes.

"Now... before we get to our little beat down where I use a beloved characters corpse to decimate a whole legion of faceless people, let's wind the clock back to how I got into this mess...five years after Weirdmageddon..."

FIVE YEARS AFTER WEIRDMAGEDDON: A MONTH BEFORE THE EVENTS OF BOOK 5:

Wade was currently standing over a building in Hong Kong as he looked over and saw the target was in the building across from him. And inside the building, a man at a bar gets a phone call. He walked over to the window and answers it.

"Hey, it's Gail calling. Love the shiny suit. Really brings out the sex trafficker in your eyes." Wade said, revealing why he was after this guy.

In Cantonese, the man began to try and bargain with him. "Whatever they're paying you, I'll double it."

"I don't speak Cantonese, Mister…" Wade looks at a business card with some cantonese written on it. "Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that." He scoffed, throwing the card away. "But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so..." he then spoke in Spanish, "Where is the library?" Then he went back to English. "Which literally translates to, I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker."

Deadpool throws his phone away. He then ran and leaps off the building through the window of another building, kicking the man he was on the phone with. A number of men at a nearby table get up and point their guns at Deadpool. He begins counting them down to see how many their were.

"Uno, dos, tres, cuatro…"

The men all shoot him. Wade is shot several times as he then falls over the counter of the bar. He appears dead for a moment and the frightened bartender begins to move. She jumps when he sits up, and he shushes her. He takes her cigarette from her and puts it out.

"I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka." Wade tells her. "I know it's called a Sea Breeze. Don't make me say it. Hit it, Dolly."

Deadpool jumps back over the counter and pulls out his sword. He takes the men by surprise, killing them one by one. He swings his swords around and allowed him to strike the men as he then stabbed one through the chest. He quickly sliced off another one of their hands, and watched as all of the hands slid down using the gun trigger to slip down his sword and landed.

"Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals!"

There was a funeral for a mob boss family member and they came to pay respects. Deadpool sits up from the coffin and fires at the men in the audience.

"Whoo! Do not go in there!"

Then he opened fire on the mob boss family. Some tried to escape while Wade only chased after them, shooting them the whole way.

Deadpool sword fights with some men in a sauna, killing many of them as he could. Some blood sprays in his eyes.

"Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. Oh, that's so gross. Fuck." Wade cried as he then wipes his mask using the water of the sauna. He looks up to see he's using the towel of a man standing next to him. "Scoutmaster Kevin?"

Then at a strip club, there was a stripper who was grabbing the wad of cash on the stage as she strutted back and a new one came. The hooker started to swing on the pole and revealed that it was Wade.

"Too exotic?" Wade asked, showing that he had a card on the men before him.

Deadpool throws a business card on a table. All the nearby men get up and begin firing at Deadpool. He jumps down and begins killing them.

"My journey to my new self discovery lead me back home. Well, my new home since Book 4."

Wade sighed as he has been using Cable's watch to create breaches to travel from all over the world. This helped him use as little money as possible travel out and gave him infinite opportunities. He sighed as he placed his blade back in and strolled up to the door. He opened the door and saw the lights were off.

"Hey, Pete, you still here?" Wade asked as he sighed. "Anybody home?"

Then the lights came on, revealing most of the Central City's heroes were in the apartment and cheered out "surprise!" to Wade. Wade jumped back and aimed his guns, but luckily for them, he had no more bullets left.

"Oh, you're lucky I ran out of bullets otherwise, you'd all be so dead!" Wade joked as he saw that they planned a surprise party. "How'd you guys know when my birthday was?"

"You kidding? You talk in your sleep constantly." Ronnie admitted.

As the evening progressed, everyone was catching up on recent events that have been going on. Tommy was absent as he seemed to be out on a business meeting on behalf of Parker Industries. Tina and April were discussing the soon grand opening of Frankie-May Foundation.

Then the team brought out a cake to celebrate Wade's birthday. They sang the birthday song and Wade laughed when he saw that they even added a little photo of the group. They were all here and were all happy to call him their friend.

"Wow. Look at that," Wade laughed.

"Speech!" Tommy called out.

"Alright, alright." Wade said with a sigh. "Well, it's been a rough couple of years for me. But seeing all of you here, seeing the friends before me, I'm...I'm happy."

Then Wade blew out the candle and made his wish.

As things calmed down, Wade was watching everything and sighed. Peter saw something was wrong with his friend and followed as he walked out to the balcony attached to their home.

"You okay?" Peter asked his friend.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." Wade said with a sigh. "Just...seeing your ally family, it's making me feel a little... like I don't belong here."

"Wade, you're a friend. Sure, you're not exactly a good friend at times, but everyone here knows that you try your best." Peter said as he pat Wade on the shoulder. "But I get it if you don't feel like you don't belong here. I've been feeling useless since I lost my powers to Ghost Rider. But I find a new way to do what I do best. You've been focusing on Deadpool for a while now. Maybe it's time to give Wade Wilson time to shine."

Wade nodded and sighed. "Thanks for being my friend, Peter."

Peter nodded as he headed back inside. Wade looked off into the distance and sighed as he wondered what there was for Wade Wilson. Then he remembered he still had the watch and knew thanks to the advancements, he could travel the multiverse. He could maybe find a new universe to be happy in. He could go anywhere in the multiverse. Find somewhere he could be happy.

And cause some chaos on the way.

Twisting the dials, Wade Wilson began his journey through the multiverse. He searched for a universe wheee he could be happy, and made a few small cameos across the cosmos. One where he had to kill a certain someone who was about to steal his spotlight in a galaxy far far away (oh, we'll get there). And another quick one where he needed to help a whole world save their universe from the timeline collapsing (more on that on the way). But then he finally found a place where he could be happy.

Walking into the apartment where he had once blown up with several barrels of gasoline, he saw it was still in pristine condition. He was worried on what he would find on the opposite side, seeing that there weren't that many variants of himself out there if you don't count the one he killed. He didn't kill the Wade in this dimension however, he was dead when he arrived. Seemed it had to do with an all powerful being.

Opening the door, instead of seeking Vanessa, like he was mostly hoping, he saw a young girl. She seemed just as upset as Vanessa used to be when he was late for something. Wade took a quick glance around the room and took notice that the girl seems to be his daughter in this world. Eleanor Camacho.

"Sorry I'm late. There was a bunch of handicapable children stuck in a tree, and I had to, uh..."

"Uh-uh." Eleanor seemed to have seen through it.

"You're right. I was fighting a caped badass." Wade tells her as he removed his gloves. "But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too."

"No." Eleanor said.

Wade didn't know what else to say. "Traffic? Hmm?"

Eleanor jumped off the counter and ran over and clung to Wade's leg. Wade chuckled and felt like this was what it felt to be a father. He held onto her and wanted to see if he could make this work.

"And it all worked out...for about two months."

TWO MONTHS LATER:

There was a knock at the door while wade was sitting down with Eleanor. Walking up to answer the door, Wade was surprised to see a group of men at his door.

"Mr Wilson?" One asked.

"Who's asking?" Wade wonders.

The TVA Agents then drew their continuity sticks, ready to strike Wade. Wade was a little concerned as he then closed the door behind him.

"Is that supposed to scare me?" Wade asked with again. "Pegging isn't new for me, buddy. But it is for the writer."

Then all of a sudden, a portal opened behind Wade, and he was dragged in by several agents. The other agents follow and brought Wade to their headquarters.