STAIN

As Izuku continued his search for more people in mortal peril to cocoon in bubble wrap, he detected a large puddle of blood in an alleyway. Then he noticed the slumped body, whose temperature readings when he swapped over to infrared vision read dipped towards the corpse and skeleton end of the spectrum. A second body had more promising temperature readings, but the very pointy blade in close proximity to his jugular vein boded just as poorly for the victim's well-being.

"Excuse me," Izuku said. "That blade is sharp, and a human body bleeds out in about three minutes if punctured in the neck. We should cover it in bubble wrap before someone gets hurt."

Stain froze and gawked at the new arrival. "Don't tell me you're another wannabe hero in need of purging."

Izuku stared at his face. "Did you have nose cancer? You may wish to see a doctor to ensure the cancer has not metastasized to another part of your body."

Stain snarled. "Scram, kid. I won't let you interfere with my work."

"Oh, you are administering first aid? Please allow me to assist."

As Izuku approached, Stain lunged forward. Izuku raised an arm to block the sword, and the chipped blade cut clean through his appendage.

"Wow, that is very sharp," Izuku said as he examined his stump of an arm. He picked up his dismembered hand, stuck it back in place, and wriggled his fingers.

"An annoying Quirk," Stain mused, "But no matter. This battle is already over."

Stain licked at the red liquid coating his sword. His eyes bulged out, and he hastily scrubbed his tongue on his sleeve.

"Eugh! It tastes like motor oil! What kind of Quirk gives you motor oil for blood?"

"Your tongue appears to have tumorous growths on it. That, or it is a physiological adaptation for your blood-based paralysis Quirk. Medical analysis recommends immediate amputation, followed by a full course of chemotherapy."

Stain gawked at the still-standing Izuku. He wiped the fluid off his blade and rubbed it between his fingers. "This isn't blood. Why do you not have blood?"

"I don't understand. Do you need some blood for a transfusion?"

"Forget it. I can do this without my Quirk."

"Oh, good. Let me know if you need anything."

Quick as lightning, Stain lunged forward, sliced off both of Izuku's arms, and kicked them well out of reach.

Izuku blinked. "Oh. I just realized that you are Stain, a wanted criminal."

Stain would've facepalmed if he wasn't holding blades in both hands. "Yes. I'll say it one last time. Stay out of my way."

"Nope." Izuku's leapt forward at blinding speed. Stain barely sidestepped Izuku's kick and sliced off both his legs.

"Too reckless," Stain said. "You're no better than the other fakes."

Now limbless, Izuku hopped forward with his torso and bit Stain's ankle, crunching through bone. Stain was still busy hacking Izuku into smaller but still biting pieces when Todoroki arrived and froze him whole.

499

Stain tries the world's worst popsicle and Izuku reenacts a Monty Python scene.