SHARP
Izuku ran a whetstone along the length of a knife. At his feet sat a growing pile of steel dust. Ojiro asked, "How long are you going to keep sharpening that knife?"
"Until it is the sharpest knife in the drawer."
"I think you're well past that already."
"I heard someone say that they were not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I was curious what was the sharpest knife in the drawer, but they did not know, stating they would be the sharpest knife if they did. So, I decided to make myself the sharpest knife to know the answer. However, I do not know which drawer to be the sharpest knife of, but if I make the sharpest knife in existence, then I will know I am the sharpest knife in the drawer."
Ojiro scratched his head with his tail. "Midoriya, it's a metaphor."
"Oh." Izuku looked down at his knife. "Then I better make it even sharper."
As the scraping sounds continued, Ojiro asked, "Could you maybe take it somewhere else? I think Jirou knocked herself out cold."
"I cannot comply."
"Why not?"
"Because the sharpening is done." Izuku touched the whetstone to the side of the knife. It fell apart in two neatly sliced halves. "See?"
Ojiro looked closer. "Huh, that does look really-" He cut off with a yelp as a deep gash appeared between his eyes.
"Please be careful. The blade is sharp enough to cut you just by looking at it."
"You don't say," Ojiro grumbled as he staunched the bleeding with his tail.
Izuku wandered off to see what else he could cut. A block of cheese sat out on the counter. Izuku held the knife near it. A crack split the cheese, and a malodorous cloud spurted from it.
"Eww, who cut the cheese?" Kaminari wailed.
On the television, a soap opera played with characters all dancing around their feelings. Izuku swung the knife, the television blurred, and everyone paired up and started kissing.
"Aww, they cut right to the chase!" Hagakure moaned. "Now how am I supposed to ship Antonio and Valerie?"
In the principal's office, Nezu hummed merrily as he signed off on another shipment of tea, only for the money to spontaneously disappear. Nezu canceled the teachers' raise, dusted his hands, and opened the window for a box of tea to crash inside.
As Izuku went over to where Sero was shuffling cards, he tripped on a piece of cheese. The knife went spinning from his grasp. Time trickled by like molasses as the knife sliced a slow-motion cut of the universe. Everyone turned, horrified, as the sharpest blade in existence plunged towards the planet.
Kirishima hardened his skin and dove. He slid into place, and the knife tapped his chest. The blade shattered into a million glimmering shards, leaving the handle to clatter onto the floor.
Kirishima picked himself up and grinned. "Wow Midoriya, thanks! Now I cut the most manly figure in all of existence!"
499
In another universe, Kirishima was too slow, and the whole planet got sliced in half. Then Sero fixed it with his tape.