HEDGEHOG

"Hold up, boys," Skipper told the impromptu team of penguins and turtles. This feels like-"

The moment they entered the empty, spacious room, a metal door slammed shut behind them.

"A trap," Skipper finished.

"Sonic!" a voice boomed. "You've finally arrived."

A spherical flying vehicle floated down towards them. The rotund, balding scientist riding it peered through his goggles at him and said, "Wait a minute. You're not Sonic." He shrugged. "No matter. Guess this'll do for a test run. Behold, the Quirk Removinator!"

Robotnik pulled out a giant gun with Aizawa strapped to it, his eyes forced open with tiny mechanical arms. Aizawa wriggled and said, "Do you really need all of me? It would be more logical to just take my eyes."

"But the added torture makes the device extra evil!" Robotnik told Aizawa. "And I'm an evil scientist! It's in the job description and everything."

"Well, your evil deeds end here," Skipper called up. "Boys? Get him."

Robotnik rolled his eyes and fired the gun. Rico, midway through vomiting a baseball bat, horked up a half-eaten fish instead. He gobbled it back up and said, "Mmm… lunch…"

Kowalski froze, clipboard raised, and stared blankly at it. "Why am I holding this? And where am I? Who am I? Why do I even exist?"

While Kowalski had a mental breakdown, Private charged fearlessly into the beam. The beam itself didn't stop him, but a giant wrecking ball did. As he hit the wall, he groaned and said, "That hurt more than usual."

With the turtles likewise incapacitated, Robotnik brought the hovercar down towards Skipper, who struggled to rise. Robotnik sauntered over and said, "What's wrong, little penguin? Too tired to fly?"

"So… weak…" Skipper moaned. "My Quirk… I… I…"

"Yes?" Robotnik leaned over, cupping an ear towards Skipper.

Skipper leapt up and landed an uppercut on Robotnik's chin. "Don't have one, you ignoramus!"

The gun clattered to the floor. Once he recovered, Robotnik lunged for it, but Skipper beat him to it.

"Let's see how you like the taste of your own medicine."

Skipper fired at Robotnik. Robotnik's bald pate suddenly sprouted hair.

"Bad move, you flightless twit." The hovercar sprouted laser cannons that charged crimson beams. "Now say your prayers."

"The only higher power I answer to is the power of friendship."

Skipper snapped the gun in half. Private bounced off the wall with a loud squeak and slammed into Robotnik's gut. Meanwhile Kowalski plucked wires out of Robotnik's ship, causing it to lose power.

"Don't get cocky," Robotnik warned. "I was saving this for Sonic, but you leave me no choice. Behold, my greatest invention!"

When he pressed it, a clanking blue mechanical blur raced into the room. "Gotta go chili dogs too slow reminder add more Sonic voicelines oh hi Tails."

"Two can play at that game. Rico? Give us the biggest kaboom you got."

"Kaboom!" Rico hopped excitedly. Then his stomach gurgled like an oncoming thunderstorm. Rico gave a panicked look and said, "Uh-oh."

500

Meanwhile, in the Green Hill Zone, Sonic moans, curled up on the floor, belly distended, with smears of chili and breadcrumbs spread around him. That, or he can't find his shoes or something, idk. He's indisposed, okay?