LXXVIII

Discendo Discimus

They're adorable together, Shippou and Kouga, but Kagome has no breath with which to tell them so. Her chest burns, her throat, her lips and tongue. It's as though she's swallowed an ember, but instead of burning her it's melting like an ice cube. Foxfire, she knows it is foxfire, the payment for her actions – or the price. But now that the flame is inside her, alive and moving, she can only wonder what it will do. At the heart of things, she knows, there is no difference. A seed of similarity blooms in all such powers, and a Kitsune can be yōkai or kami, malevolent beast or benevolent messenger.

It is that seed which she can feel merging with something inside her, something primal, something new and ancient both. A voice echoes behind her eyelids, inside her chest – familiar now, though diluted, as if by a great distance.

"Because you carry it, let this carry you. Only a Kitsune could do what I do now – bind a portion of my power to your power. No other yōkai, only a Celestial… Or did you think the kami would let him take you without a fight? You, miko that you are, born unknowing to that ancient contract. You who carry a bloodline forever subject to greater powers.

Learn to know the world as we know it.

Taste and see.

And one day when you know what it means to be the Wolf's Woman, tell him of this moment and let him thank me."

Planted within her, blossoming even as she finally manages to breathe, the echo of the Fox's voice fades with the burning until only the memory is left. Her heart feels tender in her chest, as if adjusting to the pressure, the weight of new power, but nothing else feels changed. Taste and see… what? The world is as it had always been.

"Kagome?"

"Hmm…?"

"Did you hear what I said? Are you alright?"

"Did I…" The words finally register in her brain, and Kagome flushes, shaking her head to clear it. "No, I'm sorry. I was distracted. That fire – he gave me power, and I can still feel it inside of me, like it's moving or…settling? Maybe. I'm alright now, though. That was just…" She shrugs, rubs at hers and shakes her head again. "Weird. Definitely weird." Half moaning, she rubs at her eye with the heels of her hands. "Why is everything always so weird around me lately? What did I do? Seriously!"

"Kitsune are trouble by nature, even if it's usually worth it. Usually." Slowly, Kouga gets up from where he'd settled on the ground by Shippou's side and lifts his injured arm carefully. "I was just saying that we'll leave in the morning for the grave site, that should be time enough for me to heal. But my armor – will you help?" He winces as he speaks, and she can see the problem. With his shoulder a mess as it is, he'll never be able to reach all the straps.

"Don't be silly, of course I will. I still can't believe…" She touches his uninjured shoulder delicately, afraid that covered in wounds as he is, she still might hurt him accidentally. "How can you still be moving around with wounds like this? How could you fight?" Carefully, she begins to undo the buckles, taking the weight of the broken breastplate into her hands to keep it off his injured side. Even broken, it's heavy, and he straightens with relief when she gets it off and sets it aside.

He stretches, but carefully, then settles himself on the ground, the uninjured side of his back against one of the boulders that had been thrown around by the battle. "That makes it so much better. Come sit with me?"

"Can I? I don't want to hurt you… and you haven't answered my question, either." She's not unwilling, though, having come closer than she likes to think to losing him. If her arrow had missed, or her barrier been less powerful… if Kouga himself were any less sturdy, he might not even have survived that first blow. Cautiously, she sits beside him, then scoots closer, until she's as near as she dares to come.

"I haven't answered you because I'm thinking about it. And that's not nearly close enough." One strong arm wraps around her, drags her right against his side and keeps her there. "Better, but why doesn't the victorious hero get a kiss?"

"I thought I was the-" Sudden and hot, his mouth is on her mouth, burning away the memory of foxfire with her own immediate response to his desire. She wants the taste of him, the furious, unflinching way he gives and takes with her, but she also knows that there's no chance of that now. Not here in the open, not with injuries as bad as his look, not with Shippou waiting quietly at their feet. Gently, teasing, as if he knows what she's thinking, Kouga bites her lip, then pulls away.

"My hero, Kagome." It sounds ridiculous, and she can't help laughing, but from the way he smiles at her she thinks that's all he wanted. "You're thinking it must hurt, and it does – burns all the way right through me. But this isn't my body, not really. You know that. And as soon as I'm wounded, it starts to heal, regardless. So it's not as bad as it looks, even if it's still pretty bad. And the pain is nothing compared to that look you get in your eye when you're fighting."

There's a glimmer of heat in his eye, and she regrets more than ever not letting him have his way with her in the morning. "You're thinking too hard, woman. Just sit with me for a while, and then I'll let you go start a fire and lay out the furs. And make sure you eat something!"

If the words had sounded like an order, she probably would have protested just on principle, but instead it sounded like he was more worried for her than for himself. Which was ridiculous, but also ridiculously sweet, even if it was obvious he didn't want her drawing attention to it. This meant, of course, that it was her obligation to do so. Grinning a little, she snuggled against him a bit more and entwined their fingers. "Are you thinking ahead? Did you learn something?"

He leans in, nips the curve of her ear and smirks down at her. "I'll have you know I always think ahead. And as to learning – yes, I've learned that I have no idea what humans need. That's why I let Ginta pack for you."

"And not because you're lazy?"

"Terrible woman. Who carried the bag for you? The Alpha of a Pack is never lazy."

"Never?"

"Never." Kouga shook his head emphatically, but she reached up to prod his forehead with one finger.

"Not even a little bit? Not even when he should be going to council meetings, and instead hides in a pile of pups with me? Not when he should be overseeing the new storage pits being dug, and takes his woman hunting instead? Not when he should be out of bed, and instead tries very hard to stay in?"

"That's not laziness, that's just…having priorities." His tone is suddenly very serious, but his eyes are sparkling with warmth. "I have a very good grasp on those." Once more, but softly this time, he kisses her. Then he leans back and closes his eyes, one arm wrapped around her shoulder and the fingers of his other hand entwined with hers in his lap. His features are worn and tired, the sharpness of his blue eyes blurred and blunted.

"You should sleep. Or rest, at least. I'll keep an eye out, and my senses open." As she speaks, Kagome raises the faintest tingle of a barrier around their campsite. Quiet until then, allowing them their moment, Shippou catches her eye and points toward the head of the valley.

"Should I get your bag, Kagome? I saw where Kouga dropped it when we first came in." There's eagerness in his glance, and nothing menacing in the vicinity. Why not?

"Sure, if you're hungry. Do you eat your meat raw like the wolves, or should I start a fire so I can cook something? If Ginta really did the packing there's probably rice and vegetables in there, too." She will forever be grateful that at least some of the wolves know more about humans than how to take on a shape like one.

"You can cook? I like human food!" But the kit doesn't give her a chance to say anything else, just runs off across the blasted plain, skipping up over boulders and pile of scree while skirting the edges of craters.

Kagome thinks of calling out to him, but first she looks at Kouga, and when she does she's glad she did. The breeze stirs his bangs, and the tip of his tail twitches a little, but otherwise he's still and quiet, breathing deeply and utterly relaxed beside her. She watches him for a long minute, more pleased than she can say to see his wounds beginning to close over. It's astonishing, and a bit nauseating, to watch the raw flesh reforming, threads of muscle and tissue building themselves onto newly healed bones. At the edges, an ever-growing bridge of seamless, scarless skin reaches across the wound, and it had stopped bleeding almost before the battle was finished. Maybe that was because Hiten's lightning had cauterized it, but seeing this now…

Carefully, she squirms free of Kouga's arm, gives his fingers a final squeeze and lets them go. He's already sleeping deeply enough that he doesn't move at all, and she grins at him, suddenly quite pleased with herself for having such a cute…boyfriend? Yokai-friend? Doesn't matter. She's been trying to get used to mate as an idea, anyway. As a word to replace other expectations, as a hope for the future. It gets easier and easier as the days and weeks go by. "Now, where can I find some firewood around here?"

They look good together – Kagome and his Alpha. The big Wolf sleeps wrapped around her, muzzle in her lap, holding her against his body. He'd changed shape with the sunset, and now a faint glow encompasses them as yōki steams from his healing wounds. It's not as strange as it should be, seeing a human woman in that position, but privately, Shippou can admit that it's mostly because he's never seen a human like this one before.

You title him appropriately, but what about her? Call her mother; call her big sister; you cannot keep her at a distance, my son.

Shippou scowls at the moon. "Alpha isn't the same as Father, it's not so hard to deal with Kouga." Sure, it's not like he ever knew his mother, but that doesn't mean he didn't have one. "And she's not my sister, and if I say that now, then later I won't be able to…"

Change your mind? You are afraid, but you do not need to be. I have seen into her heart. Given all of the women in the world to pick from, and all the greater powers, she is still the one I would have chosen for you.

"I don't want to give up on who I am. How can I be a good Kitsune and make you proud of me if I'm living with wolves and a human?"

You like her cooking.

There's humor in his sense of his father's words, and Shippou knows why. He liked best traveling with his father, watching him take on human shape and fool the masses, trying their food and wine, and them all unknowing. Kagome knows, but doesn't care. Kagome doesn't have wine, but living with her he'd get good food every day, time among humans when he wanted it and somehow… she cared for him. Somehow, despite their meeting, or maybe because of it. Even then, her scent had comforted him. Her empathy is without precedent, and he doesn't understand. "She's still weird, though. She doesn't understand yōkai at all."

Instead of words, he gets a vague sense of his father's anticipation, but that isn't a contradiction and Shippou is satisfied with himself. Still, it's lonely over here. No pups to curl up with like there were the few nights he'd spent in the den. Slowly, as if he can deny what he's doing, he meanders across the shadow cast by fire's banked embers, then curls up between the warmth of Kagome's side and Kouga's fur.

That night, for the first time in many nights, he dreams no evil.

Despite intending to wake early, before he's noticed, Shippou is the last to get up. It's the smell of venison and woodsmoke that does him in, and he gets up with his stomach rumbling to go sit at Kagome's side and wait impatiently for breakfast. There are no comments from the soothing whisper of his father's voice this morning, but maybe the spirit, like Shippou, is distracted by the inevitability of the day. Today I will build you a tomb that is fitting. Fitting for my father, and my first Alpha, and… It would be a tomb for dreams and expectations, for his desire for a normal life, for the game of let's-pretend he could play with the weight of his father's ghost adding to the pelt around his shoulders.

Suddenly, he isn't so hungry anymore. Neither of his elders press him, or ask anything of him, until the breakfast is eaten and cleared away, and Kagome's bag is packed, and Kouga has wrapped his broken armor in a spare bit of cloth for easier carrying. Then, with the oddly shaped bundle over his shoulder, his Alpha fixes him with a steady gaze. "Where is he buried, kit?"

Shippou turns in place, considering that this valley is further west than where his father was killed. "Not far. I guess we must have been encroaching on their territory." He glares at the lightning-cracked earth, no less of a wasteland in the morning light, his eyes searching out the place where Hiten fell. There's nothing to mark it, not a body or even a pile of ash, but as he drags his gaze cross the landscape, his eye catches on a steely glint. It can't be the weapon, Kagome purified Hiten's pike before Hiten himself. But there's something metallic on the ground, and he runs over to see what it is while Kagome is turned away, adjusting the straps of the bag on her back.

She's still aware of him, too used to watching the pups of the pack for him to run off unnoticed. "Shippou?"

"I saw something!" As he gets closer, it's more obvious that it's something made of steel. Twin circles of glistening metal are half buried in the loose earth, but it isn't until he pulls one free that he recognizes it.

"I thought we were leaving, what did you find?"

"I don't…know?" The metal wheel is warm to the touch, then hot, but not unpleasantly so. It reflects the green of his own eyes back at him, then lets out a spurt of fire, brilliant red that turns quickly blue. He drops it with a yelp, but even as he does so he realizes what they are, and bends to grab up the pair. "Wind-Fire Wheels! These were Hiten's, but why weren't they purified with him?"

Kouga comes up behind him, looks down over his shoulder at the wheels floating in Shippou's hands, then shrugs. "Not enough yōki in them, maybe; or maybe because their magic isn't ours, but from the west. Do you want them? It was your father he killed, kit."

For a long moment, Shippou is quiet. The idea appeals to him, a little bit of extra-personal revenge. The whir of the wheels as they spin in his hands, waiting for him to put them on, is almost soothing. They light with their own flames, but tap into his yōki after only a moment, until they're both burning with the blue of foxfire. There's a sense of forward motion even in their stillness, and Shippou bounces a little on his paws, anticipating freedom. "Yeah. I'm going to keep them; I'm going to use them."

He's not sure at first how to put them on; there are no straps or buckles. But as soon as they're by his feet, and his intention is to wear them, Shippou finds himself levitating, the spinning wheels attached to his heels with invisible magic he can barely feel. There's a subtle link between the pulse of his own yōki and the way the wheels turn, and he lets them go as fast as they want to, driving him up into the sky, then down again with the air burning against his cheeks.

He speeds past Kagome, then his Alpha, but Kouga grabs him by the back of his jacket as he zooms by and fixes him with an impatient stare. "You can try them out on the way, but we have things to do, kit."

"Right! Right." He doesn't need a scolding. "It's this way, then. It's easier if you just follow me."

The valley is short, and the Wind-Fire Wheels are fast, but the way seems long regardless. Just here, Shippou had made up his mind which direction to go seeking shards. And there – there, he'd hidden in the brush and watched his father die, watched what had come after. And there… "This is the place." One bare patch amidst the green, the dirt scorched where he'd set foxfire burning in place of a headstone.

He comes down over the spot on his new wheels, ashamed but not surprised that the fire he'd left hasn't lasted. Before he could work himself up over it, the fire was relit – but not by him. Standing in Fox-shape, seven tails wrapped around him and curled through the fire, his father's spirit stares back at him with understanding eyes. It reminds him that none of it was his fault and gives him the strength to ask Kouga for the help he needs. "Can you help me with the gate? I don't think I can cut branches big enough."

A hand comes down on his hair, roughing it up. Before he can do more than blink, there's a crash in the forest, and a cloud of dust and woodchips. Shippou is almost expecting it, but Kagome flinches beside him, then turns back to the restless spirit of his father and his untidy grave. "Excuse me…"

She bows and brushes away the leaves and earth, smooths the surface and assembles a narrow stone altar while Kouga cuts branches away from a pair of newly felled trees. In short order, there are two sturdy, rough-hewn legs towering overhead, to which Shippou carefully ties the ends of the shimenawa Kagome had woven for him, completing the sacred gate. As he does so, a low hum vibrates against his senses, deeper than his skin. A spark hovers at the center of the space the shime-torii has sanctified, taking strength from the foxfire, but leaving it undiminished.

Shippou knows it is time. Slowly, he comes down to the ground before the altar, looking up at his father's ghost. "What is done is done. Dead is dead, not gone."

Kouga's hand comes to rest on his right shoulder. "Not beyond remembering."

"And not without regret." Kagome's fingers rest more lightly than Kouga's, but they give Shippou strength to finish the simple rite.

"The future owes the past, but… the ones left behind move on." Shippou pours the wine they've brought over the simple altar, and the torii lights up as the spark expands, filling the space with a whirlwind of light and chaotic powers.

The spirit papers Kagome hung on the shimenawa rustle in a wind that goes against the wind of the world, until it stops as suddenly as it started. The earth trembles, and there's the sound of great waves, or a typhoon, but nothing moves and there is no water. Through the gate, Shippou has a vision of some other place, a wasteland under a sunless blue sky. His father's bones build themselves into a monument there, enshrined forever beside those of his lost bride. In his shadow, the sleek skeleton of the smaller fox presses close, the two forever taking their last step as one.

Father – Mother - I will do it for you. I will live.

The moment lasts forever, but ever after he will think it was too short. There's a flickering, a purple dimness, and then the way is shut.

A/N: And so the Naraku scene was put off for….yet another chapter! But no complaining, this is the longest Quod Si chapter yet (I think). And poor Kouga, he still hasn't gotten any. Ah well, funerals first, fun later – and now Shippou can fly! This chapter's title, Discendo Discimus, means "while teaching we learn". Secondarily, a shimenawa is a sacred cord, hung with specially folded papers. You can find pictures of a shime-torii (and all the other kinds!) in the Wiki page for torii. Next time: Finally Naraku! Bad People do Bad Things! And someone we've been missing should finally make an appearance… should being the operative word.

Please Review!