"Colin…"
"I…"
They started in sync.
"I wanted to ask you if you're okay." He said as he looked around the room. "With so many people being there, we had barely any time to talk, really."
"I would like to leave indeed." She said confidently looking at him. "I spend so much time being a wallflower. I don't want to do it any longer."
"Okay. And where do you propose we go?" A smile enlightened her face as she heard he actually wanted to go with her.
"To the center maybe, away from all those people." She said looking at the door. "But first… I would like to dance with my husband."
"Dance? The sun is still out." He looked at the window for a second, feeling surprised by the request. It wasn't what breakfast wedding was about really.
"Yes, I would like to dance with my husband in the light of day. Isn't it what marriage is about? We can finally not care about other people's opinions." She said as she brushed her sight along all of the people in the room.
"Very well." He simply said as he held out his hand. Their eyes transfixed on each other at that moment. He led her to the middle of the room. And just like that they started their first dance as a wife and a husband.
He couldn't look away. She was magnificent.
She couldn't look away. He was mesmerizing.
It truly felt like they were completely alone in that room full of people. The only thing they cared in that moment was their other half. The unique feeling only they both shared.
As the dance came to an end, it felt like a beginning. Souls were intertwined as his hand caressed her cheek, slowly moving to her chin, raising her head just a bit higher. Slow silent exhale left her lips, as her mouth opened begging to be kissed. She threw a glance at his lips quickly, eyes returning to his caring glare. She felt loved. She truly felt loved in that moment.
He took a step back, took her hand and guided them to the exit.
Not saying a word. No explanation was needed. They were leaving. Quick. Confident.
Nothing mattered in that moment as they both got into the carriage and left to go to the center.
They were walking, sharing a light wholehearted conversation, as suddenly their lovely bubble was interrupted by the couple walking by, discussing Whistledown. He fell quiet. Squeezing her hand lightly, trying to regain himself.
"Does it still bother you?" She said, walking near him.
"Not that it bothers me, more like I am scared of what might happen if everybody ever finds out." He blurred out, looking somewhere in the clear sky.
"Well, I've been thinking about it… I think I might start to publish not that often." She said, squeezing his hand back.
"I told you, you don't have to give up…" Just as he started, she shushed him and continued.
"It's not about that. I truly am not interesting in writing about any minor gossip there might be. I want this to be more important somehow. I think it might have a bigger impact that way, truly." She voiced her thoughts.
"Bigger impact?" He sounded slightly lost.
"Yes. If there's something truly worth saying, I will. But doing something, just for the seek of it, it's not really what fills me." She explained as their eyes met once again. And that was the first time he truly saw peace in her glare on that topic. She was content with her decision. And that made him more content in a way.
"But isn't it your biggest purpose?" He asked.
"It no longer feels like that." Was her only answered, as they both continued walking lost in they own thoughts.
It felt like an hour later they turned on some street, she wasn't fully familiar with. Suddenly they heard a sound of thunder. As they looked at each other, she felt first rain drops on her face. And just like that the heavy rain started, making them wet in a matter of seconds. Thankfully their carriage was just around the corner, as they were walking in circles all that time. But by the time they got inside, they were completely soaked, both laughing hard from the expectance of it.
As he put his hand around her, he felt her shiver.
"Are you cold?"
"No, not really. Just wet. Completely wet." She answered, looking down at her soaked dress, wrapped around her body.
"Wet, you say…" He acknowledged, as his eyes turned dark, looking at her breasts.
"Colin!" She squeaked. "It's not even the night yet." She slightly hit his knee with her hand.
"When did it ever stop us?" He chuckled.
He raised her chin with his other hand and kissed her. The kiss felt light. Innocent in way.
They continued their ride in silence, now both of their thoughts filled with desire and want. As they entered their home, it was already getting dark. And all of the sudden he felt a rush deep in his chest.
She said indeed she would start publishing less often, but she never said she will stop. All of those people were still trying to find her. So many people were still mad at her for her words. And now he was a head of their household. He needed to provide and care for her. He had dreams of his own. Somehow it already felt like something might break their peace any time now. As they entered their bedroom, he went silent and stopped mid-way. He still was not done with his thoughts, he still needed a plan for their future. But everything comes to something he could not control. And that was the first time he realized he's truly scared. Scared for her. Scared for his family. To disappoint them. To ruin his family name. To be the fault for everything that didn't even happen yet. But in his head, it already did. It already took the worst way possible. He felt speechless, as his chest started moving heavily. He needed a plan. But nothing would come to his mind at the time. Nothing had come to his mind for all of those weeks.
"Please forgive me, I need some air." He quickly said and left her standing alone in the room.
Where would he go? It was still raining outside. He wanted to run. And at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to stay.
It took him a few hours walking down the house, that he chose for them, to finally come to a decision that it would be better, if tonight he would not sleep with her in one bed. He needed a clear head. As he walking back, just the thought of announcing that to her, terrified him. But he knew he needed this. As he entered the room close to their bedroom, he took a glance at the sofa. That is a nice choice. – he thought. Not too close, and yet not too far. He could not bear to sleep far away from her still.
As he entered their bedroom once again, he was met with a wonderful view of her in a silk robe. It took him a moment to regain himself, take a deep breath and say.
"I think I will sleep on the sofa tonight."
"Colin…" She turned around to him fully now, a slice of fear and confusion in her voice.
"No. Sorry. I still need some time." He said, as he quickly walked to the bed and grabbed one of the pillows.
"What happened?" She asked taking a step towards him. "I thought everything was good between us."
"It is. I just…. I just need time." His jaw tightened as he looked down.
"Time for what exactly?" She asked frustrated now.
"I am scared, Pen." He suddenly looked up, tears standing in his eyes. She was shocked. She surely did not expect this. "I am scared what might happen when your secret will be out."
"It never will. I am careful." She said reaching with her hand to him. She just took a step back.
"It doesn't matter. There's no secret anyone can keep forever." He sounded lost somehow.
"What are you saying?"
"I need a plan." He said as a single tear run down his cheek. "I need a plan for when it happens. To protect us. To… protect you." He looked up at her, his eyes covered in hurt and fear.
"We are married now. We should figure it out together. After all it is my mess." The amount of sense in her voice shook him. She was right. He could not find any argument as to why it was his job to come up with a plan alone, other than his gender. But she showed him so many times now, that partnership is about working together, not alone. As he stood there trying to find any reason, she continued.
"Please, at least sleep in one bed with me." Her plea, reached his soul, as he could not move to leave now. He slightly nodded, as he watched her whole body relax right away, a loud exhale left her mouth.