I defeat my enemies with cow poop

"Get your bags ready with everything you need, tomorrow is the flight."

"Whoohoo!" I jumped up and down with joy.

"Saanvi, are you okay with going to this academy?" appa asked her again for the thousandth time.

She took a deep breath. "Yes appa, how many times am I supposed to tell you."

"Okay." He cracked a grin, but his face looked sad. "Send us lots of letters, okay?"

"Appa! We are not going to hogwarts. And we use texting now. How do you not know what that is?" asked Saanvi.

"Maybe it is because some random dude came and gave you two plane tickets inviting you to their secretive school, that appa forgot we are still in the real world," priya put in.

I winced inwardly at the bad joke, but ruffled her hair, and kissed her forehead. "Yeah, maybe."

"Why are you 2 still awake? I thought I made it clear you were supposed to finish packing your bags and be snoring away to glory by the time I came back from the supermarket!" Amma shouted as she handed the overflowing bags of vegetables to appa, who bent under its weight.

Saanvi stopped midway from bringing up her bourbon biscuit to her mouth and mouthed, Holy shit.

I grinned at her and we both ran to our bedroom like our life depended on it. Based on our ammas' shouts it was probably already on the line.

Saanvi flung our remaining shirts and pants into each of our suitcase, while aggressively chewing on her biscuit. I on the other hand was blocking or barricading our bedroom door from ammas' fury. She called out that she was done. I switched off the lights and flung myself onto my bed,and pulled my blanket over myself.

I heard our bedroom door open, tube light filtered in. "See, Aparna, I told you they were sleeping. It was only priya who was awake,"I heard appa say. I could literally hear amma narrowing her eyes at appa. She did not like it when she was proved wrong. Well she doesn't say that but it's obvious.

Then I felt the door close. Saanvi pulled her covers back down, appa peeped back in and winked at her, she grinned widely. The door finally shut. She turned to face me. "That was close wasn't it?"

"Too close for my liking." I saw her faint smile in the darkness. "Goodnight big bro."

"Good night, vivi."

It took me a while to sleep. Thoughts were running through my brain.

When this opportunity came i thought, this is it, i could finally prove to appa that I am a son he could be proud of. Amma is proud. Not appa. Saanvi is appas' favorite.

I have tried to prove it to appa. But nothing ever seems to impress him.

In his world, the ideal son was good at sports and can defend his little sister from bullies.

Not ace the math exam with 200% or destroy anyone at chess.

But maybe-maybe if I made him proud in this school he'd accept me as who I was. Not who he wanted me to be.

Maybe in another universe.

I woke up to a gentle melody, playing. I half opened my eyes to see Saanvi with her earphones on ,but it seems that she forgot to plug it in, which was unlike her.

Tears glimmered on her face. Judging by the look on her face it wasn't because of something sad. Something scary happened. I deduced it was a nightmare as she was listening to 'Senthoora', which she only listens to when she needs to calm down. The song came to an end.

The next song she played was what really scared me. She was playing 'Aathma Raama' by Brodha V (an unknown classic). She only plays that song when she is really scared or worried.

What's going on with you, vivi kutty?

As the song reached the second verse, she paused and got up to go to the bathroom. I heard splashes of water.

She came back, and played the rest of the song.

I didn't move, pretending I was still asleep. I watched her take in multiple deep breaths in hope to calm herself down.

Suddenly she froze. Her legs snapped together in the padmasana position, her back straightened with a snap. Her jet-black irises expanded, slowly at first, but then they got so large I couldn't see the whites.

She spoke, in a voice not entirely her own.

" Om namah shivaya."

I was woken by my alarm clock, beeping steadily and stolidly, as it would continue to do so until the end of time until I let it. I didn't.

Saanvi was already out of bed and I could hear her singing in the shower. I smiled. It was good that she was cooling down after whatever happened last night.

I brushed, then dressed hurriedly in my best (and only) black suit. I wanted to make the best first impression on my new teachers. I grabbed my suitcase before crashing out of my room. I set my suitcase next to the door before collapsing on the sofa .

"What do you want Kaar?"

She came out of the kitchen, hands on her hips.

"How d'you it was me?" I asked. "I could smell you coming," she smirked.

I reddened.

"And before you ask, you aren't going to get breakfast until you shower, and wear something else," she said as she pointed to the suit i was wearing.

I dashed back to the bedroom. Vivi was wearing a white t-shirt, and jeans with a flannel shirt, wrapped around her waist. She raised her eyebrows at me when she saw me entering. "Who's your date to the school dance? Ms. invisible?" she asked sarcastically, snorting while doing it. I rolled my eyes. "Haha, very funny."

"Yea, nope. You're not wearing that."

she flew out of the bedroom. Most likely to dig through appas' closet. When she came back she dug into my closet and flung a black shirt and my only pair of jeans to my face. "If you don't come down wearing this, you'll be dead before you start 9th," she said as she barged out of our room.

An hour later, Saanvi and I were seated around the table, munching on the dosa Amma had made, trying to weather the steady stream of advice and precautions that seemed to flow from our parents' lips.

"- and remember, if a strange student offers you anything, any food, just say no. You don't know how they package drugs these days, it's horrendous!"

I stood up, eager to escape. "I'm done!"

I mean, it's not like I don't love my parents or understand why they're saying this. Of course I do. But they'd been grilling us for half an hour now, and it was getting too much.

I started playing a game of chess online, to relax myself. Distantly, I heard my sister finish. A few moments later, she joined me on the sofa. She immediately shut down my laptop and forced my head so that I faced her.

She ruffled out my neat hair. "Hey. Vivi, I took a long time doing that."

"I gave you an outfit that made you look handsome yet i don't see the handsomeness, oh wait, its your HAIR," she roared at my face. "Ugh, I don't want to impress girls, Vivi." She just ignored me and continued to 'fix' my hair.

After a couple of minutes of torture, she pulled back and smiled in satisfaction. Amma walked in that second. "Oh my god, my Kaar kutty is looking soo handsome," she squealed as she held my face tightly. She planted a fat kiss on my cheek.

I noticed that the balcony door was open. Any more of this, and I'd jump out just to escape the cringe.

"Vivi, you did this na?" Amma asked her. She smiled proudly, "yup, i turned your 'eh' son, to a 'woah' son." She stood up and bowed. "your welcome." Amma tapped her chin affectionately.

Vivi noticed I was annoyed. "Come on, let's play chess."

I stared.

"Come on," she said, smirking. "I might even win with a bit of luck."

10 minutes later, I checkmated her.

"Nooo!" She groaned. "Not the headless pawn gambit again!"

I grinned. The headless pawn was a move I invented myself, and so far, no one could counter it.

Basically, I used a pawn (or any other piece, for that matter) to lure the opposing king from the back rank, sacrificing it so that my queen could cut across to the back rank and checkmate the king from behind. Obviously it was a bit more complicated than that, but that was the basic move.

Saanvi wanted me to call it something like the "Queen's surprise attack" but I felt that would be too dramatic.

Suddenly, Appa moaned. "What happened pa?" I asked. " The taxi was canceled at the last minute!" at the same time the doorbell rang.

I frowned. Who in the world is that?

"Is no one going to get that door?" Appa asked.

"On it!" I said as I swung the door open, Saanvi right behind me.

"Oh, good, you're packed already. Well, let's go!"

Of course, it was the blue suited guys from last week.

"Oh, ummm…" I mumbled. "What?"

"Your limo is waiting," the older guy said.

Appa appeared behind Vivi, with an astonished look on his face. "Wait a minute, did you say limo?"

The younger guy nodded, seeming amused.

"Okay that is ummm… strangely exorbitant but i guess our knights in shining armor have come to save us" appa exclaimed with jazz hands.

" Yeah, we'll be down in a few minutes," I said.

10 minutes later we were down, gawking at the huge limo in front of our house.

"You rent one of these out for every student you take the- where are you going, by the way?"

"Oh, the airport. And you may have to carpool with some others we've already picked up. I hope that's not a problem. Curiously, they're also twins!"

I was hardly listening. I never fancied myself as a car fanatic, but this limo looked so… smooth. Aerodynamic. Give me another word for awesome.

As I stepped forward to admire it, a tiny little bundle of warmth hurtled into my leg from behind, latching onto it. I turned around gingerly. "He-Hey, little sister. What's up?"

She looked at me with those guileless eyes. "Where are you going?"

"To the ummm… grocery store? Yeah, the-the… grocery store. To buy ummm…To buy… pancakes! That's it! To buy pancakes for- for dinner. Yeah! We're going to the grocery store to-"

"Get out of the way, Kaar. You need to learn how to lie, big bro. You sound like a train wreck- I want to look away, but I can't."

She gently detached Priya from my foot. "Priya kutty, me and your brother are going to a different school. Remember how we talked about this? About how we'll phone you every single day, and send you sweets and you'll see us in a few months?"

My sister looked at me for 2 seconds, her cutesy baby eyes staring at me, secretly reproaching me. You lied to me, they said. Not very well, but still. Her lip started wobbling. She sniffed. Twice. She made a strangled sort of sound, kind of like she was testing the waters, asking herself, would she like to cry?

It turned out that yes, she would like to cry, thank you for asking. Preferably in bulk.

She took a few deep breaths (evidently to warm-up her vocal chords) and let loose.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

My dad attempted to console her, while frantically gesturing us to get in.

We grabbed our cases and heaved them into the trunk, locking it securely. The other guys were already in.

"WON'T LETTEM STEAL MY BRUDDA AND - sob- SISTA!" I heard.

"Get in." hissed the younger guy. I noticed Saanvi wiping her slightly red eyes with her sleeve, and my eyes were starting to feel suspiciously moist themselves, so I heaved myself into the car, waving frantically at Appa and Priya, and Amma from the balcony, as the car reversed and took off down the lane.

"Hah!" said a snobbish voice. "Kids can be so bad- behaved these days. I expect you're so ashamed of your sister, huh?"

An equally snobby voice took it up from the other side. "Younger siblings. Always try to hog all the attention, don't they? Don't you wish they were never born so we could get all the attention to ourselves? I certainly do!"

We turned, eyes cold, to regard the speakers. A pair of twins were wearing the most expensive clothes I'd ever seen. They seemed to look down on us in disdain, even though we were at the same elevation as them.

I shook my head quietly at my sister. The trip to the airport would take more than an hour, and I didn't want fights (at least, not this early into the trip)

Saanvi seemed to understand. She had obviously been intending to go full Plan B on these fools, and I didn't think they could survive the onslaught of 2 Malis (because of course I intended to help her if she started.)

The other twins had started discussing what they thought the new school would be like.

"- And I expect the bathrooms will be absolutely shitty, don't you think?"

I couldn't resist.

"That's kind of the point of bathrooms, you know?"

Saanvi and I burst into unsupressable giggles.

The turned to us. "You, and you, peasants? Never speak with us again."

We stared. I had to restrain Saanvi again.

The boy twin looked around. " Shabby sort of neighborhood, don't you think?"

"I suppose that that's all these peasants can afford. Below the poverty line, I guess."

I couldn't stand it any more.

"Go ahead, but only 1." I said quietly to Saanvi.

She nodded.

"The only difference between you and us, is that when God was giving out brains, you asked for extra money instead." She said, calmly.

The twins looked affronted, but Saanvi looked at me questioningly. "Seven out of ten." I said. Not her best work.

She pursed her lips in annoyance, then opened her book and started reading.

I took out my laptop and started a game of chess with someone online.

A couple of minutes later, something landed on my laptop. It was a crumpled sheet of paper. Inside was a thousand rupee note and a message.

It read - They say giving to the poor, the dumb, and those who can't take care of themselves is a form of worship. Please accept this offering. It will sustain your family for a week.

I turned around and saw that Saanvi had received a similar note.

She was literally shaking with anger now, but managed a shaky smile.

"Your turn, big bro. Show me how it's done."

I smiled thinly. "Fools like these won't appreciate our art. A more… physical means will be required."

The girl twin (who had, of course, been overhearing our conversation) laughed. "You look like you haven't eaten in a week! What will you try, punch us?"

I looked at the blue suited guys. They had made no move to stop our feud so far, but at the word punch, they stiffened. I had no doubt they would stop any fight. Not that I'd start one.

Saanvi looked at me questioningly. She trusted my judgment, just didn't know what to expect. I shook my head. Watch me, sister.

I stared outside, waiting for the perfect moment…

Then rolled down the window. The stench of cow poop and rotting garbage permeated through the limo. Immediately, the twins grabbed their throats like we'd injected poison gas and, while making choking sounds, flopped out of their seats onto the floor like a pair of land bound fish.

Me and my sister made no move. We walked through this stuff every day on our way to school. Our noses simply didn't care anymore.

"Nice touch." said Saanvi. "Trust you to find a way to damage them without lifting a finger.

I smiled. "Use the environment to fight for you, sister. It's far easier."

"I think I'll stick to my own way, thanks."

An hour later, we pulled up at the airport. I stretched my aching bones and grabbed my trunk before heading out with my sister, immediately behind the blue coat guys (who I had learned, were our instructors)

The terror twins (As I dubbed them) lagged behind us, each carrying 3 suitcases.

"Hey! Don't you guys have servants to pick this up for us?" One asked.

"No."

We grinned and headed for the main terminal. "I Didn't catch our name," I said to the younger mentor. "Oh, my name is Ragav, and the older guy's name is Dashamukh."

Before we stepped into the building, Ragav put out a hand to stop us.

"We have a private jet. No need to go through the main block. Just skip the procedures and follow us directly onto the runway."

"This is more like it." Said Terror twin #1.

"You have a private jet but no servants to help us with these bags?" asked Terror twin #2

"I suggest you check the soiled brat attitude, Prakash, and Prakruthi, where we are going, you need to learn how to do things yourself," Dashamukh sir sharply said. "You shouldn't have gotten so many bags, too."

"Don't you mean 'spoiled brat'? I asked.

"No." Said Dashamukh Sir, gesturing expansively towards Prakash's pants. Apparently the cow poop took quite the toll.

He stared down in shock, apparently having only just realized. "My-my gucci pant? My Gucci pant? MY GUCCI PANT!" he screamed. Apparently, it was close to his heart.

Laughing, we walked onto the runway. Planes of various sizes were docked there, of various shapes and colors. At the very end, close to a huge forest, a small plane was docked. It was small, but had a certain… elegance that the other planes lacked. On the side, in neat stylized letters were the words Pushpaka Vimana. It was decked with flowers of all kinds.

I heard an intake of breath. I turned around to see both my mentors looking at each other in shock.

"Right here? Now?" asked Dashamukh.

"How did they find us? And one this powerful too?" moaned Ragav.

As one, they turned to us. "You have to hide, Now!" Ragav pushed us behind a car that usually carries the luggage. It was presently scrap metal, having been scavenged for all usable parts.

Dashamukh murmured something under his breath. Slowly but surely, he started to grow, muscles bulging out, tearing his expensive suit into pieces, until he was twice the size of a normal human being. He was lean but strong and he was wearing an uttariya, an ancient Hindu article of clothing. A greenish blue trident materialized out of thin air and he caught it neatly, giving it some experimental twirls.

Ragav sir on the other hand, again muttered something under his breath. The only word I caught was Vayu. The next minute a gadha (huge mace) materialized in his hand, and the dude grew 4 times the size of a human, with wind blowing around his hair.

Our collective jaws dropped down, Saanvi was the only one with the bulging eyes, looking somewhere into the distance.

I followed her gaze. In the distance, trees were soaring into the air, as if a gigantic hand thought they were toys. Suddenly, animals of all kinds rushed into the runway, deer and birds and foxes running for their lives, fleeing from an unknown force, screaming and screeching in terror. We crouched behind the car, trying to hide from the stampede, as animals leaped over and ran around the car. We huddled as close as we could. To our left, a herd of elephants cantered down the airfield. Any other time, I would have been awestruck, but now all I could think of was Don't die, Don't die, please don't die!

Then, as quickly as it came, the stampede stopped. The last of the creatures leaped the fence on the other side of the airway.

Curiosity got the better of us,and we peeped over the car thingy, and saw both the mentors sweating profusely, fidgeting nervously and otherwise acting like a pair of mice when the cat was home.

THUMP. PHWAT!

THUMP. PHWAT!

THUMP. PHWAT!

I knew this sound. I heard it every day. Why was I hearing it now?

Slowly a head rose up, above the canopy, slowly increasing in size, Revealing a huge body. Bull horns grew out of it's skull. A long, hickory cane was slowly morphing into a gadha, but twice as big as the one raghav sir had. Its bare chest was adorned with a necklace which, upon closer inspection, looked like a train of human skulls tied together.

But what captured my attention was its face. It was one I saw everyday. Every history class. I couldn't believe it. At the same time Saanvi screamed. "What?! What in the world?!" I slammed my hand over her mouth, muffling her voice.

Standing before us, grinning, was Mahesh sir- or, as I realized now, Mahishasura. Mahesh, Mahisasura.

Holy shit. We're dead.