While Peter and Wade desperately grasped onto the back of the Falcon wingpack, the howling wind relentlessly buffeted them as they soared farther and farther away from the ominous Goblin Kingdom. Their fleeting freedom was abruptly interrupted when the Falcon wings sputtered and flickered, causing the duo to spiral through the turbulent air and collide with a rugged hillside.
Fortunately, their crash landing had taken them far enough from the Kingdom that its malevolent inhabitants were unable to pursue them. Peter let out a pained groan as he and Wade rolled amidst the rocks and shrubbery, the sharp edges of the cliffside posing a constant danger. Wade's landing ended with him inadvertently pinning Peter beneath him, much to Peter's growing irritation.
"Get off of me!" Peter demanded.
"Hang on, almost done," Wade says.
"Almost done what?!" Peter asks.
"Getting my knife out of your jetpack, you pervert!" Wade cried, yanking his knife free. "God, get your head out of my pants."
Peter got up and sighed, looking over the jetpack and seeing that it was broken. He was going to toss it but shrugged. "You never know." He sighed as he wrapped it around his back. "Maybe we can fix it."
"Yeah, like-"
"Would you shut up!?" Peter demanded him. "I am doing the talking!" He finally got Wade to shut up. "Okay, so, we have to get back to the TVA, get back to that Scribe guy, right?" He asks Wade, who didn't respond. "Right?"
"I'm sorry, am I allowed to speak?" Wade asks.
"Just fucking nod!" Peter demanded him.
Wade complied and nodded his head.
"That guy, Kite-Man, he mentioned a resistance before you got him fucking killed!" Peter snarled.
Wade seemed offended by saying it was his fault. Although he wasn't wrong and it was his fault. Oh, don't go blaming me! Hey, Wade, get back out of here! No breaking the narrative! Fine!
"Maybe they have a way or know of a way out of here so we can get back to the TVA so they can fix my world like you promised. So, all we need to do is find them." Peter sighed as he looked around. "This place seems to be similar to Earth, so if I were to guess, we need to go North."
"I smell a quest," Wade said with glee.
Peter smelled something else, looking over to see a diner in the distance. "I smell food..."
Peter meticulously scoured every corner of the diner in search of any edible food that hadn't gone bad, while Wade nonchalantly consumed a can of meat. He observed Peter frantically rummaging through the cabinets in a quest to find something to satiate his hunger.
"So, what is with the metal arm?" Wade wanted to try to have a conversation. "I mean, it is cool, but you do look like a Winter Soldier knockoff."
"Have you been checked for ADHD?" Peter asks him as he slams a cabinet.
Wade chuckled as he denied that. "No." Peter scoffed as he looked around. "But I have had many STDs, which ADHD could have caused."
Peter scoffed as he found a bottle of liquor. "What is on your head?" He asked, noticing some staples.
"Oh, that is my toupe," Wade explained. "I tried wearing a toupe when I hung up the suit for a moment, but it didn't work out. Nobody knew."
Peter chuckled. "No, everyone knew." He then opened the bottle and began to chug it down.
"Wow, you are chugging it down," Wade commented. "Do you wanna talk about what's haunting you, or would you rather wait for a later arc?"
"Uh, go fuck yourself," Peter said as he walked off towards the barstools to get away from him.
Wade sighed and knew he was going to be difficult. "You known, in my world, you were a hero. Hell, you were the hero." He admitted to him. "The greatest. Trained some heroes of your own. I tried to join your crew, the Justice League, but... I didn't play well with others. The others found me annoying."
"You don't say." Peter scoffed.
"And when my girlfriend died..."
"You had a girlfriend?" Peter asks.
"Yeah. Vanessa." Wade confirmed as he remembered her. "She was an erotic dancer when we first met. But... when she died, you helped me." He explained why he wanted to try and help him. "That's... I don't know. Maybe helping you is my way of trying to give back what he did for me..."
"I'm no help to anyone," Peter sighed. "Trust me, I am not someone to count on. Just ask my world..."
After nourishing themselves with food, the pair pressed on with their journey, traversing the labyrinth of abandoned storylines and untold tales. Along the way, they encountered the remnants of an ancient Milano ship from the Son of Thanos saga, now lying in ruins. In the distance, a peculiar formation caught their eye - an enigmatic structure seemingly constructed out of LEGO bricks. Furthermore, they stumbled upon what appeared to be the remnants of a devastated Dragon's Edge, a place that existed only in the unwritten stories of How to Train Your Dragon.
"Back at the diner, you said your Spider-Man was a hero," Peter commented. "What happened? Did he die?"
"Not exactly," Wade tells him. "It's kinda a long story. But to sum up the whole arc of Book 4, you were trying to save the woman you loved from a demonic hell Demon. You took the powers of a nicer demon and used his powers to fight and kill him. But it came at a price. Your powers. You had to give up Spider-Man to save the woman you loved."
"So I was married?" Peter asks
"Married, had kids, your wife's split personality got a body of her own and has a kid. Your ex had a kid that seemed revenge." Wade recapped events that occurred in Book 4. "I'll tell you, Book 4 was a mess, but it was beautiful. I still cry at the end of chapter 26."
"Sounds like a good man," Peter muttered.
As they strolled along, Peter and Wade were suddenly startled by the unmistakable sound of a dog barking piercing the air. They instinctively turned and were met with a sight that took them completely by surprise. Emerging over the crest of the hill was a dog clad in a Deadpool uniform, making its way towards them.
Wade's eyes widened as he slowly lifted his mask, his expression one of sheer enchantment at the extraordinary spectacle before him. He sank down to his knees, his heart captivated as the dog bounded towards him, and with a joyous leap, launched herself into his waiting arms.
"Yeaaahhhhhh!" Wade cheered as the dog began to kiss him. He then stood up and held the dog. "Look at you! She's coming with us!"
"What?" Peter asks. "She probably has-"
"Sorry!" A voice cried, getting them to see a non-disfigured Wade Wilson come over the horizon.
This particular version of Deadpool sports a striking red and black full-body tactical suit, meticulously crafted by ARGUS. The suit features a belt adorned with numerous pockets, each housing an assortment of weaponry including various guns, grenades, sai, and knives. Additionally, the suit is equipped with two holsters on the back, specifically designed to securely hold Deadpool's katanas.
"Sorry about that!" He said as he ran over to them. "Can't let this little dickens out of my sight for more than two seconds or she goes looking for a new papa."
"Who are you?" Peter asks him.
"I'm Deadpool. But around here I'm known as Nicepool." He said then looked to Wade. "And from the look of things you're Deadpool, too. And this little thing is Mary Puppins."
"Hey, if you can't be a responsible pet owner, then you don't deserve this little unicorn," Wade stated.
"Guilty," he said.
Wade said as he gestured to Peter. "This is Peter. He's less funny than his Prime counterpart. In fact, he feels more like his Book 3 counterpart. And trust me, he wasn't exactly a fan favorite." Then he turned to the reader. "Admit it, out of the three Books to the Spiderverse, if you had to choose one of the three, you wouldn't choose Book 3." He then turns back to them and begins to wonder about something. "Where did you come from?"
"Oh, right, you're wondering why my face isn't disfigured," Nicepool took a guess. "Well, where I hail from, it was known as Earth Prime. I was from the story "Before the Beginning." You see, the joke there is Book 2's first chapter is titled Start at the beginning. So, I would have been our post-crisis timeline."
Wade began to realize that the character Deadpool originated from an unrealized storyline. Originally, the plan was to depict Spider-Man's early days in a post-Crisis timeline and his encounters with various villains, alongside his adventures with Ronnie. However, this concept was ultimately abandoned.
In that alternate narrative, Deadpool was intended to be a mercenary for ARGUS and was known by the code name, Deadpool. The plan was for him to acquire extraordinary powers from the explosion of the accelerator. Nevertheless, this never transpired, and Deadpool retained his original backstory involving cancer, Francis, and Vanessa as the definitive canon.
Then Wade looked down and saw his gun holsters. "Are those 50 cal gold-plated desert eagles?"
"Yeah," Nicepool confirmed
"Can I have them?" Wade wonders.
Nicepool giggles when he hears that. "No."
"Okay, look, not that this whole conversation isn't fascinating, we're looking for the resistance. We were told they were in the forest district." Peter tells Nicepool. "Do you know where that is?"
Nicepool nodded. "Oh, yeah, that's more west than north." He said, pointing off and looking in the direction. "You're lucky you ran into me. Kept heading this way, you'd have run into the Deadpool Corps. And trust me, they're insane. They want nothing more than to get out of here and cause some chaos. They would chop you up and scatter you across this world."
"Well, sorry to say, I'm the only Deadpool in the What If Universe," Wade proclaimed as Dogpool kept licking Wade.
"Thank god," Peter sighed.
"Well, anyway, you'd best be moving before they find you," Nicepool warns them. "You can take my ride."
As they followed Nicepool through the vast corn fields that enveloped the aged Kent family farm, it felt like they were stepping into a story long lost to time.
With a single fluid movement, Nicepool uncovered the hidden treasure concealed beneath a tarp – only it wasn't the expected Superman escape pod. Instead, it revealed a flawless 1967 Chevrolet Impala. Wade's eyes expanded in disbelief as he immediately identified the legendary car.
"Is that the car of Sam and Dean Winchester?" Wade asks him.
"Oh, yeah," Nicepool confirmed. "And trust me, they didn't give it up without a fight. They were one of the first to arrive. Ladypool killed them."
"What?!" Wade cried. "When I get my hands on her..."
"Can we focus on the current problem?" Peter asks him as he then tosses the Falcon wingpack into the back of the car. "Get in the car."
"Well, Baby here can get you to the Forest District and to the Resistance," Nicepool promised and looked towards Wade who was holding Mary Puppins. "But... I am going to have to ask for my dog back."
"I know," Wade said, still petting the dog. "Listen..." Then Puppins placed her paw on his hand. "Yes, child." he put his attention on the dog. "If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home, or if anything were to ever happen to you, I would love to be her papa."
Nicepool then laughed when he heard that. "What could happen to me?"
"Lots of stuff," Wade said, almost sounding like a threat. Peter then stepped forward and tried to take the dog. "No!" Wade cried as he turned around, trying to find a way out. "We're running away!" But then he turned back when he saw there was nowhere to go. "I'm sorry. The corn was too dense, girl." Peter then took the dog and handed her to Nicepool. "Fuck!"
Peter and Wade then got into the car and they watched Nicepool wave Dogpool's paw to say goodbye. Peter then started the car, only for the song "Carry On Wayward Son" to begin playing. Peter immediately punched the radio to get it to shut up.
"Yeah, no, I am not listening to that," Peter stated, driving off through the cornfield.
As they cruised through the desolate Outlands, they gazed upon the remnants of a once towering Legion of Doom building, now reduced to rubble. Adjacent to it lay the shattered remains of a HYDRA castle, a haunting testament to past conflicts in this realm. Their attention was then drawn to the colossal starfish carcass, its vacant eye socket a grim reminder of the strange and perilous journey they were undertaking.
Continuing their journey, they found themselves navigating through a graveyard of Imperial starships, their imposing frames now reduced to mere wreckage scattered across the barren terrain. In the midst of this desolation, Peter sought solace in the silence enveloping them as they pressed onward, encountering a procession of enigmatic Q-Ships before finally arriving at the somber yet intriguing forest district.
"Okay, I really gotta know," Wade tells Peter. "What happened to your world?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Peter snarled.
"I mean, what, what happened to your arm? Did Doc Ock get lucky?" Wade wonders. "Ooh, or was it Jackal? That son of a bitch keeps trying to clone you."
"Can you stop?" Peter asks him.
"Sorry, I am just trying to bond," Wade tells him.
"Then talk about something else," Peter stated.
"Okay," Wade said with a sigh. "So, if they can fix your world, what's the first thing you're gonna do?"
Peter froze when he heard his choice of wording. "What did you just say?"
"I said when your world is fixed, what's the first thing you're gonna do?" Wade repeated. "I mean, after a big mission, me and the-"
"No, what did you say before that? Your exact words?" Peter wanted him to repeat himself.
"If...they can fix your world?" Wade repeated.
Peter then spun the car around, causing Wade to smack his head against the door window. Peter then grabbed Wade's leg and squeezed it, causing him to scream in more pain. Peter then used the robot hand to grab Wade and yank him back so that he could look him in the eye.
"What do you mean if?!" Peter asks him.
"Gah!" Wade cried from the pain.
"You lied to me." Peter started to follow. "You have no idea if they can fix or if they even are going to fix my world, do you?!"
"Fuck!" Wade cried. "No! I didn't lie! I made an educated wish! Because I need you," Wade explained. He then scurried through his pocket and pulled out the photo that his friends had taken, showing everyone. "Look! They need you!"
Peter released Wade's head and turned his attention to the photograph, noting the evident joy on his look-alike's face. A joy amplified by the presence of friends and family encircling him.
"I know how to fuck people up for money, I am not the world-saving type," Wade admitted his faults. "But you know how to save them. At least the other Spider-Man did!"
"You made... a fucking educated wish!?" Peter asks in anger, getting back to being furious.
"They call me the Merc with the Mouth." Wade defended. "They don't call me Timmy the truth telling blowjob queen of Respititus."
Peter then became mad again as he raised his finger to Wade. "One more word. Please.. one more."
Wade stayed quiet. For a second. "Comlimet."
Peter then went to strike him, causing Wade to shriek and shield himself against the window. Peter snarled as he moved away and put his hand down.
"You know what, you're a fucking joke. No wonder the Justice League didn't take you. And they'll take fucking anybody." Peter scoffed at him. "I have never met a sadder, pathetic excuse for a human being. And that says a lot because I have been to several fucking universes. And you were right about one thing, you will never save the world! You couldn't even keep a god-damn stripper alive! I could bet that my doppelganger is just taking pity on you for being your friend. Motherfucker, I wish I could say that you will die alone, except it is one of god's best jokes that you can't die! Except that it's on all of us!"
Wade found himself at a loss for words, rendered speechless by what had been said.
"What, you've got nothing to say?! Mouth!?" Peter asks.
Wade stared down Peter with almost a growl in his voice. "I'm gonna fight 'ya now."
Peter scoffed when he heard that. "Yeah, rig-"
Wade then punched Peter square in the face, causing him to jump back and get a bloody nose. "Motherfucker!"
Peter then went and punched Wade in the face, then punched him in the stomach, trapped his seatbelt, then he then shoved his robot hand in Wade's face. He slammed Wade's head against the back of the seat and jumped on top where he punched Wade in the face again.
"You dirty bitch!" Wade cried, reclining his seat to help him fight back as he used his legs and wrapped them around Peter's head, slamming him into the side of the car. He used the hazed state to then kick Peter.
Peter flies out the window and breaks the front window and then is sent flying when he catches himself. Wade managed to break free of the seatbelt just when Peter came back into the car and slammed him back into the seat. He then punched Wade, breaking a few ribs. Then Wade fought back and managed to get Peter onto the seat beside him.
"Ready to give up?" Wade asks.
Peter then grinned, and Wade realized his mistake. Peter kicked Wade upward, causing him to shriek in surprise as he then crashed into the woods. Peter gestured to him with his robot hand to come and get some more, and he did just that. Wade came running back into the car, slamming through the window, and the two of them started to fight one another through the car. Breaking every seat and slamming everywhere they could.
"I was right. This car fucks hard," Wade commented. "Too bad you don't."
"Oh, I am just getting warmed up," Peter promises.
And that was when Peter shot the last of his webbing to latch Wade down and he began to beat Wade down, sending blood everywhere.
As the night wore on, the relentless battle between Peter and Wade raged on without reprieve. The sound of their clash echoed through the confined space, each of them vying for dominance in the intense struggle. The car bore the brunt of their confrontation, with broken parts outnumbering the undamaged ones by the time the fight came to a close. Both combatants, utterly exhausted, found themselves seeking respite in the back of the car. It was there that Peter managed to subdue Wade, carefully restraining him with a dozen layers of seatbelt.
As Wade and Peter slept in the back of the car, they were startled by the sound of someone marching through the woods. The noise grew louder as the mysterious figure approached the car. They were adorned in a mask that concealed their identity and sported tough, military-grade boots. The person was dressed in a form-fitting blue jumpsuit with striking yellow trim around the collar and down the front of the belt, accentuating their physique. Additionally, they sported a utility belt to carry various tools and spy gear, along with a pair of yellow gauntlets on each wrist.
The enigmatic figure slowly lifted the mask, unveiling short, tousled brunette locks and piercing blue eyes. A sleek bow rested against her back, while a holster secured a gun underneath her arm.
Startled, she glanced towards the rear and locked eyes with the two unconscious people in the back, clearly taken aback by their presence. Swiftly making her way to the front of the car, she deftly ignited the engine, and to her relief, it roared to life. With a sense of urgency, she pulled away, disappearing into the morning sun.
A blinding white light appears as Peter begins to wake up and he looks around to see he is back home. Back in his home dimension, he was confused as to how he got there. He then looked down at his hand where he saw it was back to normal.
"You okay there, Tiger?" A familiar voice called out. Peter turned around and saw it was MJ who was resting beside him. "You look like you had a bad dream."
"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Peter said as he leaned over and caressed her cheek. "What did I do to be so lucky to have you?"
MJ seemed to be considering her answer. "You proposed if I recall correctly."
Peter chuckled as he nodded. "Yeah, I guess I did." Then they heard an alert go off, and they looked to see if it was from Peter's phone. He sighed as he leaned over to see it was an emergency alert for the entire League of Heroes to meet in the Watchtower. "Emergency meeting. Tony's calling in everyone."
"That sounds important," MJ said in concern. "You need to get going?"
Peter looked at MJ and knew he had been putting in a lot of Spider-Man time recently. He needed to give her some attention. But this did sound like an important mission. But he then decided to decline it as he then leaned back into bed.
"No. The world won't end if I spend five more minutes with you," Peter stated as he stayed with MJ. "They don't need me. They have all the heavy hitters, they'll survive without the guy who shoots webs..."
"You do much more than that, Tiger," MJ stated as she leaned in and kissed him. "You sure you don't wanna at least chime into the meeting?"
"Right now, Spider-Man is on break," Peter promises as he kisses her again.
Norman reclined in his opulent throne, which rotated smoothly thanks to the assistance of the Microbots he had ingeniously integrated into its design. With a gentle touch, he stroked the head of Golden Glider, who cherished the physical connection as it was her sole interaction with the outside world.
His gaze shifted to the intricate machine before him, where he observed with satisfaction that his loyal men had, at last, delivered the essential pieces he had been eagerly anticipating. The machine was nearly completed, and he could finally escape this realm.
"Is it ready?" Norman asked Princess Shuri who was under his control.
"It still needs an energy source, sir," Shuri informed him. "If you wish for us to find the TVA, we need an energy source powerful enough to track their breaches."
"Send Bullseye out," Norman tells her. "I want to get out of here. It's time that I got my vengeance on the TVA for sending me here."
EARTH-PRIME:
Scribe emerged from one of the shimmering TVA portals and made his way toward the rest of the crew in an abandoned subway station hidden beneath the bustling streets of Queens, New York. The station had been closed off due to "repairs," but it now served as the perfect clandestine meeting spot for their operations.
It was a calculated decision to work in the heart of Queens rather than in Central City or any other crowded metropolis teeming with superheroes. They needed a location where they could carry out their activities without the risk of being discovered. New York provided the ideal cover, shielding them from prying eyes and unwanted attention.
"Is it ready?" Scribe asks the crew.
"No, sir. We need a few more hours." One of the TVA workers commented.
"Hurry," Scribe demanded them. "Wade Wilson isn't known for staying dead. If he somehow managed to return from the Outlands, it could mean hell for all of us..."