I've been in the river all morning, trying to wash away the grime and horror of the last few days. After helping to move walker bodies and bury our dead, I sought the soothing tranquility of the water, letting it envelop me until my fingers turned to raisins. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. That's how I grieve. Jacqui had been more than just a fellow survivor; she had loved on Glenn, T-Dog, and me, and we were the first minorities in the quarry—a stark reminder of where we were, lawless southern Georgia. Jacqui was smart, caring, and feisty, always quick with a one-liner that could cut through the tension.

I've seen people get bit before, but to see someone torn apart? No. The way those walkers can latch on and rip you to pieces in seconds is mind-boggling. It's the kind of fate that makes you wonder if it's better to drown yourself in the lake, just to avoid ever feeling that kind of pain.

I shut my eyes and flipped over in the water, holding my breath under the surface. I was so relaxed I didn't even need to steady my breathing. Ignoring the stinging, I opened my eyes and stared into the murky greenish-blue water, letting the quiet swallow me. But the sharp pain in my eyes snapped me out of it, and I shot up, standing straight in the lake.

Using my hands, I wiped at my face and eyes, raking my long black hair back and out of the way. I rubbed at my eyes again until the sting subsided, only to see Glenn standing at the shore with his arms crossed over his chest. My face burned with shame, the idea that he might have seen me trying—and failing—to drown myself sinking in. His expression was unreadable, his poker face firmly in place, but I still felt the weight of my own guilt pressing down on me.

He spoke first, "you have to come out of the water now baby."

My voice was meek. "Ok."

As I walked towards Glenn, he came towards me and used some water to wipe down his face, arms, and hands. I know it probably fucked with him having to move the bodies of people we knew and cared for all morning. "You okay, baby?"

Glenn watched my naked body fully submerge from the lake and didn't take his eyes off of me. Giving me a once over, he stepped closer to me and grabbed onto my arms. "I'm just thankful I'm not burying you right now. You were covered in blood, a walker almost got you while you were standing next to Jacqui. I shot him right next to you and you didn't even flinch. I thought you might've been gone."

His words caused me to sniffle, my eyes stinging for a different reason this time as tears threatened to spill. "I told you I didn't want to be apart."

Glenn squatted now, one hand gripping my bare leg and he rested his forehead on my thigh. "I was so scared."

It hurt me to see him stressed like this. Usually it was me that was tweaked out over something. I reached down and pulled Glenn up, his eyes were glossed ever with held back tears. I gently wiped his eyes and caressed his face, he closed his eyes and melted into my embrace. His hands found their way around my waist, traveling up and down my curves until he was gripping my bare ass, pulling me closer into his body.

Our lips meet as Glenn gives me slow pecks all over my lips, cheeks, and neck. I tilted my head up and gave him more access to my body and he used his lips to explore my chest with his mouth, latching onto my nipple where he sucked and licked it gently. A moan escaped my lips and I gripped his head to guide where he was placing his affection.

"I love you so much," he rushed out in between his ragged breaths. Glenn held his arms around me so tight now that I couldn't breathe but I felt comfort in his showing of intimacy.

I dropped my hands and began unbuckling his pants, keeping my eyes trained on him and our foreheads pressed against each other. I reached into his pants, stroking his erection and earning a low guttural moan in thanks. I massaged his length while placing small kisses all over his chin, his moans in my ear fueling my pace.

Glenn grabbed my sides suddenly, using one arm to support my weight and one arm to lift up my leg so it was around his waist. In a flush of movements he had dropped his pants just enough for him to have room to grab himself and rub his head along my wetness.

We hadn't done anything the whole time at the quarry, I could only assume almost losing me was fueling this hunger he had for my sex. Slowly, Glenn pushed inside, the intense pressure making me yelp in pleasure. We created a chorus of moans as he rolled his hips into mine creating a soft languid motion.

My head dropped back, the arousal becoming too much as my leg buckled. Glenn was panting hard and smirked at my quaking. "You ok?"

I whimpered out a response, tightening my muscles around him as my breath hitched. Glenn leaned down and placed a sloppy wet kiss into my mouth to hide the loud strangled moans that were coming out of my mouth. The grip he had around my body tightened to the point of pain. I embraced the feeling as my body convulsed against my boyfriends.

Both of us went rigid against each other and with a loud moan against my mouth, I felt the warmth of Glenn's seed inside of me. The sensation of him filling me up made my walks spasm and contract around him until my orgasm gushed all over him. We sat there, me slumped over in his arms with nothing but our ragged breaths filling the space.

Glenn finally whispered, "I'm sorry. I just-"

"Why would you be sorry?"

"It's not exactly the right time. I just never been so scared of losing you like that," Glenn explained. He dropped my leg and buckled himself back in. I took it upon myself to grab the clothes I had previously brought down and slipped them on.

"It's okay. It was good. It was amazing. I love you too." I caressed his cheek and planted another kiss on his soft lips. "C'mon let's go back."

At the main camp, it felt like the world had shifted while I was in the river. Jim had been bitten, and Shane and Rick were at each other's throats over where to take the group next. Rick, never one to back down, wanted to head to the CDC, believing it was our best shot at survival. Shane, on the other hand, was convinced that a distant military base was the safer bet, even though it was far, and we barely had enough gas or resources for either option. But they were the "leaders," so the rest of us had to wait and see what they decided.

Glenn kept me updated as we walked to our tent. Jim's bite was a death sentence, and Ed Peltier was dead too. Jacqui had been buried. The air around camp was thick with solemnity, grief, and anxiety. No one knew what to do or where to go, and it seemed like we were all just holding our breath, waiting for the next shoe to drop. Glenn and I included.

"So we're following them, right?" I asked Glenn as he began putting our things into seperate bags.

"I don't know but I'd like to be prepared if we are," he replied. "What are we going to do if not? Just be alone?"

I dropped to my knees and started helping Glenn pack as his words sank in. He was right. We balanced each other well; I was the louder, more outgoing one, but I always made sure he felt heard and respected. Letting him take charge sometimes was my way of showing that. It was one of the reasons we were so easygoing and healthy together.

Before Glenn, I had never been in a relationship that wasn't toxic in some way. He really saved me, and I was so thankful for him. It just goes to show, sometimes going for the quiet, nerdy guy changes your life.

Later, when most of the group gathered around the campfire in our usual spots, Shane, Daryl, Rick, and Dale showed up from the woods, guns in hand. Shane spoke up first, his voice carrying the weight of the decision ahead. "I've been thinking about Rick's plan. Now look, there are no guarantees either way, I'll be the first one to admit that. But I've known this man a long time, and I trust his instincts. I say the most important thing here is we need to stay together."

"Those of you who agree, we leave first thing in the morning." I keep my eyes trained on Shane as he continues speaking. No one really says much before they disperse. I look over to find T-Dog. His face is stone cold and void of emotion. I just know he's hurting and maybe more than me.

"Hey, T," I call out, lifting up and taking small steps towards him. "I know it's not ok."

"If only I had been here."

"I tried. I did. It was right in front of my face. I was a second too late." The words spilled out of my mouth without much thought. "It's not your fault."

T looked at me with sad, low eyes. He rubs his bald head and then walks away with nothing else said. My chest tightens and expands as I try to process the emotions I was feeling. I sniffled and walked away as well to go my own way.

I see Daryl storming around looking pissed like usual. Install into place with his pace and he gives me a small once over. "Watchu want?"

"You coming?"

"Hell if you care."

I scoffed, "you think I'm the type of girl who'd be asking if I didn't? I'm sorry about Merle. I would've never left him there."

"But you did." He damn near the sour words out at me. "Y'all all got y'all's people. All I got left here of my brother is fucking hand."

"He's alive. Glenn told me he took the truck. You're gonna find him again. He ain't shit but he knew how to get himself out of that situation, right? I mean he probably could've cut off his thumb rather than his hand but-"

Daryl turned to me with what I like to call his signature squint that always made me laugh. He had the most judgemental looks that had you never really knowing what he was thinking. I giggled at that look and walked ahead of him to stand at the RV where Amy and Andrea stood silently with Dale.

"I'm so sorry about Jacqui," Amy said immediately. "And you know you almost died. You know that, right? I can't believe I almost saw you get torn apart."

I threw my arms around her and squeezed, surprised by how much this group had come to feel like family. These were my people, and while they had been before, it felt different now. We'd lost people we cared about, even if we hadn't known them for long. There was no telling who else we'd lose or gain, but I didn't expect it to be this hard.

And it could only get worse.

That night, sleep didn't come easily. When Glenn got up at dawn, he made sure I was up too, and we started packing the last bits of our belongings into the small bags we had. I found a little more weed in our tent—a tiny comfort for the hard travels ahead. Rick was now officially our leader, and while I didn't know what the future held, I trusted his judgment and ideas, at least for now.

Just as we were readying to leave, Morales stepped forward and announced, "We're not going."

"Por que?" I was the first to speak. That was the last thing I wanted. Being separated from the only other things that reminded me of my family outside Glenn.

"We have family in Birmingham. We want to be with our people." His wife, Alex, grabs my hand as she explains. She pulls me on for a hug and their son and daughter move to hold me as well.

"Y'all can't be by yourselves. Look what just happened." I turn to Morales to try to get some sense into him.

"I gotta do what's best for my family. This is that. I'm sorry." Rick hands him a gun and ammo at his words. The men share an understanding nod and handshake. I dig into my bag and give that final bag of candy to their kids.

"Bendicion," I say to all of them. We exchange our blessings in Spanish and I step back to fall in line with everyone else. Glenn and I load into the RV with Amy, Sophia, and Carol. Carol was taking care of the fever ridden Jim who was sweating and writhing in pain in the back. Glenn and Dale chatted the majority of the ride as I sat on his lap and laid my head against the window and sat in thought. This can't be how things were going to be from now on.

Eventually I have to help Carol calm Jim down. We were doing our best - but he was in way too much pain. The screaming and night tremors were getting to be way too much. Thankfully Dale had to stop the Rv because of a failure in something in the front. I don't know that shit was leaking and smoking and I didn't care all I could think about was how bad Jim was hurting.

"Guys, Jim is feeling really bad, I don't think he can take it anymore," I stood out of the RV door, a grimace on my face as I announced the bad news.

"Hey Rick, you wanna hold down the fort? I'll drive ahead, see what I can bring back?" Shane suggests and Rick nods at him before coming inside of the RV with me to speak to Jim.

"We'll be back on the road soon," Rick explains to Jim. I got some more water to put on his forehead so that the dying man could have a functioning conversation with Rick

After a sip and the water cooling his head down Jim cried out, "Oh no, Christ, my bones are like glass and every little bump-God. This rides killing me. Leave me here." It was true, Jim looked sickly and could barely breathe. It felt insane but I just had to agree with him, the fever is setting in and who knows when he'll die and if we'll be able to kill him before he hurts us in the Rv.

"Just leave me, I want to be with my family,". He says and I give him a soft smile.

Rick was still protesting, "They're all dead, I don't think you know what you're asking. The fever- it's making you delirious."

"I know, don't you think I know?" Jim reached out and I gently propped him up. He looked Rick dead in the eye, "I'm clear now. In five minutes I may not be. I know what I'm asking, Rick."

"He's right, Rick, he's putting the other four people In here in danger and he's willing to do it, we can't force him to stay in here, he wants this," I nudged Rick.

"It's my decision, not your failure," Jim concludes and I nod my head, walking away and out of the Rv. Rick comes out a minute later and goes to speak with Lori. I stand by Glenn and inform him on the decision Jim was deciding to make. It was just another gut wrenching thing that we had to deal with in such another short time.

When Shane and T-Dog got back, Rick explained to the group what was happening with Jim. We all agreed it was best to honor Jim's wishes and leave him behind. Rick and Shane carried him to a tree, and we all stood around, saying our goodbyes. By the time Amy and Andrea laid their respects, I was already crying. When it was my turn, I gave Jim a small hug and touched his hand. "You'll be with them now," I whispered.

Glenn pulled me into a comforting hug. I had cried more in the last few days than in the entire month before. He took off his baseball cap and placed it on my head, guiding me back into the RV. The absence of Jim's presence felt surreal, a harsh reminder of how quickly we were getting used to losing people. I hated it. Carol and Sophia rode with Rick and Lori this time, leaving Dale, Amy, Glenn, and me to sit in silence for the rest of the journey.

"C'mon, girly, we're here," Amy was waking me up in the dead of night now. I looked around, stretching. There was a big modern building that had piles of walkers out front.

I wrapped a bandana around my nose and strapped my backpack securely around my shoulders. Once it was tight, Glenn handed me a pistol he'd gotten from Rick, gripping his own tightly. I gave Amy a bat, just so she'd have something to defend herself, and then hugged both of them. They were all I really had left in terms of people I was closest to.

Cautiously, everyone left their vehicles and formed a tight circle as we approached the large, locked doors of the CDC. I was sandwiched between Daryl and Glenn—probably the safest I was ever going to get. Even so, the graveyard outside the CDC gave me the literal heebie-jeebies. Shane and Rick began banging on the metal doors and arguing—this was becoming an everyday thing.

"Walkers!" Daryl shouted, making everyone turn to see a lone walker that he quickly put down. Its presence sparked an eruption of panic among the women and children while more arguments broke out between Shane, Rick, and Daryl.

"Everyone needs to calm down!" Dale's voice was loud but calm, trying to cut through the rising panic. "It's okay, we need to go, but we can't be here after dark."

"It's 125 miles to Fort Benning," I quickly interjected, "we need to find somewhere tonight."

Shane started pushing people away from the doors, ordering us to get back to the cars. Glenn grabbed my arm, and I followed suit. Whether this was a waste of time or not, we had to find somewhere to go and talk about it later.

"The camera, it moved," Rick shouted, stopping in his tracks and getting closer to the camera mounted above the door. He screamed, "I know you're in there! Please, we're desperate. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left."

Lori tried to pull him away, but Rick was relentless. First, he saw helicopters, and now moving cameras—people were starting to think he was crazy. Shane and Lori kept yelling at him, trying to drag him away as he continued to beg for help. It was like watching a man lose his mind, and it was hard to see him so desperate.

"You're killing us! You're killing us!" Rick's voice cracked with desperation, echoing through the empty space as Shane and Lori literally had to drag him away from the door.

We all turned to leave, defeated, when the sound of gears turning stopped us dead in our tracks. My heart skipped a beat as I turned to see a bright light.

The doors opened.