Poppy was both nervous and excited, and both feelings were fighting for dominance inside of her. It left her feeling a little breathless and full of goosebumps. It reminded her of the first time she had jumped from a high branch and used her hair to grapple another tree. The fear of failing and the excitement of succeeding had been equally powerful then and now.
But the stakes were so much higher. If things went well, Poppy would be able to reconnect with the people of hers that had somehow been lost. That was a big deal. It was a chance to make new friends, form connections, and learn something about her people that she hadn't known before. If Poppy was just going to meet the trolls from the break-off group, she would be only excited, with very little fear to be found.
But this wasn't just about her, or even them. This was about Bud.
Poppy glanced over at her traveling companion. Bud was sitting on his seat in the caterbus, completely still and silent. Poppy had never known a troll to be so quiet. Even Branch hadn't been like this when he'd been at his grumpiest and most isolated. But Bud's situation wasn't like Branch's.
Poppy just wished she knew what was going on in Bud's head. If he didn't want to talk, that was fine. Branch had helped her to learn that words came harder for some trolls. But Bud shouldn't be locking himself up in his own head. He should be expressing himself somehow. If not with words or singing, then with instruments, or poetry, or painting, or scrapbooking. Anything!
Trolls had an innate desire to create. Most of them did it through singing and music, but it certainly wasn't restricted to just that. Even Branch, during his self-imposed ban against singing, had written poetry that he was now slowly putting into songs.
But Bud hadn't created anything. Branch told her to give it some time. That he'd create as he grew more comfortable with being himself again. Poppy didn't want to push Bud to do more than he could handle, but she knew he was still hurting and suffering, and being alone with his thoughts with no way to get them out couldn't be helping.
Poppy just hoped that this trip went well for Bud. She hoped they were able to find his brothers among these other trolls. They'd be able to help him in a way that she couldn't. They could get him to create again.
Poppy thought that Bud's true self was only just under the surface, and the right nudge was all he needed to come out. She'd already seen a hint of it. When she'd first brought him into Branch's bunker, Bud had been oddly happy. He'd smiled. He'd nearly laughed. And Poppy had seen some color return to him.
It had been subtle, but after spending enough time with Branch Poppy had become a master of noticing the slightest return of color in a Gray troll. She'd been able to see that Bud's eyes were purple, and while she couldn't place the color of his hair she was sure that it had taken on a warmish hue, just like Branch's had always been a cooler shade of gray. Poppy would bet her crown that Bud's hair was a warm color, like red, or orange, or even pink. Or maybe even a shade of purple that inched more towards red than blue.
Poppy was sure that if Bud had a few more moments of peace even more of his color would have returned, but he'd Grayed out again as soon as Branch came back.
Branch told her that even if Bud got all his colors back they'd be quick to go Gray again. Poppy knew that already. She saw it in Branch, just how much his mood affected his coloring, in a way that just didn't happen with other trolls. But Poppy was still hopeful, because as easy as it was for Bud to go Gray, she had seen for herself just how easy it was for him to get his color back.
Even after all he'd been through, he was still optimistic and hopeful, in his own special way.
Poppy had the feeling that Bud would have some colors back right now if only Branch had come with them on this particular adventure. He'd been so upset when Branch said he wasn't coming. Poppy knew Bud was eager to potentially find his brothers, but he had latched onto Branch and was scared to be away from him.
Poppy wished that Branch could come, but he had his own job to do.
Branch wasn't happy with how little information they had about Bud's imprisonment. They knew how long he'd been there, but that was it. Branch wanted to know his living conditions. How long did it take him to go Gray. How long had he been silent for. Why did he scratch his chest? Branch felt like the best way to make a plan of recovery was to have as much information as possible about what he was recovering from?
So while Poppy and Bud were visiting the other trolls, Branch was going to Volcano Rock City to get some answers. He thought it would be best to go while Bud had something else to distract him. If everything went well Branch should be back in Pop Village before Poppy and Bud were.
She didn't like keeping secrets, but Branch had pointed out that Bud would just get anxious if he knew where he was going, and she knew he was right. So she'd just told Bud that Branch had another job to do and wasn't going with them. It wasn't even a lie. It was just leaving out a painful truth that didn't need to be known.
Poppy took a deep breath and smoothed out her dress, just to give her hands something to do. She went over the mental list in her head of everything she needed to do when she found the other trolls.
She needed to find out if there was a leader or representative among this small clan. She needed to arrange a meeting with them and find out how long this small clan had been separate from the rest of the pop trolls, and why they had broken off in the first place. If there was an issue that Poppy could fix, she would need to start negotiations to arrange that so they could be one tribe again. If they just wanted their independence, and it wasn't really about the pop trolls, then she would help them figure out how to become a tribe of their own.
She needed to see if there was a list of all the trolls in the clan. She wanted a complete headcount, mostly for Bud's sake. If they couldn't find at least a clue of where his brothers were here, she didn't really know where else to look.
The journey on the caterbus felt both far too long and far too short. Eventually they pulled to a stop at the place that Barb had indicated on her map, but it looked like an abandoned bergen destination. Poppy didn't think that trolls would stay in a place like this.
Then again, trolls were known to repurpose anything they could find. If they'd found a mini golf course, full of structures and hiding spots that were the perfect size for a troll, why wouldn't they claim it for themselves if it was truly abandoned?
Poppy took a deep breath, put a smile on her face, and turned towards Bud, who was still just sitting there.
"Well, we're here." She said, sounding more sure than she really felt. She couldn't be weak now. Her people, her new friend, they were counting on her. She held a hand out to Bud. "Are you ready to see what we can find?"
Bud shook his head, but he took her hand anyway, showing that while he was scared he was also being brave about it. Poppy wondered if Bud knew just how strong he was.
They left the caterbus and slowly approached the entrance. The place looked empty, but Bud's ears were twitching. He was hearing something that she wasn't. Someone was there, and it just might be a troll.
Poppy gave Bud's hand a reassuring squeeze as she faced the seemingly empty golf course. "Hello? Are there any trolls here?" There wasn't a response, but she wasn't giving up so easily. She cleared her throat. "My name's Poppy. I'm queen of the pop trolls, and I've come to talk to…someone." It wasn't as confident of a start as she had hoped it would be, but it was something.
There was a tense pause, and then Poppy heard muttering. A yellow ball rolled towards her, seeming to have a mind of its own. Bud growled and grew tense. Poppy rubbed his arm and put herself between him and the ball, which quickly unfurled to reveal a troll.
She carried herself like someone in charge. She leaned so close to Poppy that she couldn't help but lean back. Poppy wasn't intimidated, exactly, but she was a little overwhelmed. Just a bit.
The other troll stared at her for a long moment, an unidentifiable look in her eyes. "You're Queen Poppy." She said the name like it was both the most familiar thing in the world to her, and completely foreign. "What happened to King Peppy?"
"Oh." Poppy perked up. "You know my dad?"
The other troll froze for a long moment and took just a small step back from Poppy. "I know him. He-he's my dad."
Poppy didn't really understand her words. They just didn't make sense in her brain at first. Before she could really process what she had heard another troll came running up to them.
"Viva!" The other troll ran up to her. "Everyone's freaking out. What's going on?"
"Clay!" Viva grabbed the other troll's arms, giving him an excited shake. "Clay, it's Poppy. Look, she's here! She's alive! She's okay!" Her voice cracked with emotion. Poppy wanted to understand what was going on. There was something important here. Something she was so close to seeing, but there was someone there keeping her from really focusing on it.
Bud let out a strange sound that could have been a laugh and could have been a sob. He pulled out of Poppy's grip and ran forward, practically launching himself at Clay. The other troll yelped as Bud jumped at him and clutched to him as tightly as he'd been doing with Branch. Clay just looked confused, though he instinctively put his arm around Bud's shoulder, returning the desperate embrace.
"Uh, what is happening?" Clay asked. He looked at the short troll in his arms. "Are you okay?"
Poppy didn't know how to answer that. Bud was far from okay, but she thought he was getting better. She could see color creeping into his hair and skin again. His hair was definitely warm. Something with a reddish tone. She thought his skin was cool colored.
Bud was happy. He was excited, and Poppy thought it was clear why. Somehow they'd found one of his brothers. Now she had to figure out how to do the impossible and tell Clay what was going on. She couldn't imagine how it would feel to find out that she had a sibling who had been locked up for so many years.
Poppy swallowed thickly. She was happy for Bud, but there was still so much more they needed to do. "This is…well, I've been calling him Bud. He's been through some things." She wished she knew the specifics. Right now all she knew was that he'd had a hard time.
Viva and Clay somehow seemed satisfied with that answer. A look of sad understanding came to both of their eyes, though Viva's was quickly hidden away behind a happy mask. Poppy hoped Viva's happiness wasn't always a facade. That would be so sad. Nobody should feel the need to pretend to be happy when they weren't.
"We have a lot of trolls here with trauma." Clay said quietly. He stroked Bud's hair, making the smaller troll whimper almost as though he was in pain. "Though I've never seen someone so…Gray."
"He was worse before." Poppy said. Clay and Viva didn't look like they believed her. She didn't really blame them. She wouldn't believe herself either if she hadn't seen it for herself
"Maybe you can help him." Poppy said. Maybe it was cruel to not tell Clay right away who she thought Bud was, but she didn't know how to say it in a way that wouldn't come off as cruel. If Clay could help him calm down first and maybe get to know him, he might start to recognize the troll that Bud had once been when he finally let his old self shine through again. Then Poppy wouldn't have to reveal that specific part of the news.
She would still have to tell Clay about what the rock trolls had done, which wasn't something she was looking forward to.
"I'll see what I can do." Clay said.
Viva took Poppy's hand. "Show him around. We've got a lot to talk about ourselves." Viva smiled at Poppy, and she smiled back, not really knowing what Viva was talking about. But that was fine. This was what Poppy had been hoping for. A chance to speak to the leader of these trolls and come to an understanding.
She didn't want to be away from Bud, but he was with his brother, and Clay seemed to know what he was doing. They would be just fine.
Poppy let Viva lead her to her home, which was massive and spacious for a single troll to live in. But that was how the abandoned bergen property was. It wasn't until Poppy heard Viva say the word 'dad' did she realize that she'd been zoning out and not registering what she was saying at all.
"I'm sorry." Poppy said. "I'm so sorry, I was a little lost there. Can you say that again?"
Viva just smiled at her, though there was a sadness in her eyes. "I never thought I'd see you again."
Poppy fiddled with her hands. "I mean, I'm super happy to see you, but…forgive me, I don't know who you are."
"I'm Viva!" She said loudly. "I'm your sister." And now Poppy understood why Viva had said that she was King Peppy's daughter. She could see it now. Viva looked like Poppy, but also like Peppy. Viva had the same look in her eyes as their dad frequently did. A sad secrecy that led him to do questionable things for what he thought was the greater good. Poppy was dreading the day when she might get that same look in her eyes.
"Why did you leave?" Poppy asked. It was something she'd been meaning to ask about this clan of trolls as a whole, but now she desperately wanted to know it about her sister. "Did something happen that made you feel unwelcome?" Poppy hated how her voice didn't come out as the confident, negotiating leader that she wanted to be. She sounded like a hurt, frightened child who didn't understand why her family wasn't whole.
"Oh, Poppy." Viva took her hands. "No, no, of course not. I wanted to stay. I wanted nothing more than to have stayed home, but…things happened. Things beyond my control."
"What?" Poppy asked. Viva shook her head and that forced smile was on her face again. Poppy wondered if Branch thought her smiles and happiness had been like that before they'd gotten to know each other. Nothing more than a mask to cover up her true feelings that she didn't want to address.
"It doesn't matter." Viva said. "It's in the past. There's no reason to talk about it."
"There are a lot of reasons to talk about it." Poppy said sternly, a bit of Branch's influence on her shining through. "I'm the queen of the pop trolls. It's my job to take care of my people, and that includes all of you, but I can't take care of you when I don't know what's wrong."
Viva took a deep breath and her mask slipped just a little. "Look, when the b-bergens…some of us got separated from the others during the escape. We found a safe place to stay, and we've been here since. That's all."
Poppy swallowed thickly. She didn't want to believe it. For so long she'd believed her dad's stories of 'no troll left behind', but a lot of trolls had apparently been left. Her own sister had been one of them. How could her dad not tell her? Why was he so quick to lie? How many other secrets was he keeping from her and their people?
What about the other trolls who had families who they'd been separated from? Poppy couldn't be the only one who had lost a sibling that night, or a parent, or a spouse, or a child, or a friend. Poppy didn't know how many trolls were part of this clan, and she didn't know how many of them had loved ones who had believed them dead for all these years, silently grieving, probably too scared to argue against the king's decree of 'no troll left behind'.
How many of her people believed that they and their loved ones were the sole exception to that rule?
"Why didn't you come find us?" Poppy asked. "You could have tried to reach out." Poppy would have done just that if she had just known the truth.
"It was too dangerous." Viva said. "The world…it's dangerous out there. It's far too risky. I couldn't take the chance." Poppy understood, but at the same time she really didn't. The world could be scary, but wasn't having a family worth it? Wasn't being together worth taking a chance or two?
"Could I convince you to come back with me?" Poppy asked. "All of you. If you want to come home, then you should come home."
"This is home now." Viva said. "Home is safety, and security, with no threat of being eaten or hunted." Viva squeezed Poppy's hands. "I'm not going back with you, because you're not going back out there. You can't. I just got you back. I can't lose you again."
Poppy was sure her ears were playing tricks on her. She pulled her hands out of Viva's grip. "What do you mean I'm not going back? Yes, I am. I have to."
"No you don't." Viva said. "You can stay here."
"No, I can't." Poppy insisted. "Believe me, I'd love to stay here. I'd love to be a family again, but I can't. I'm the queen. I have to look after my people." She couldn't just make decisions based on what she wanted. She needed to put her people first. She couldn't abandon them.
Viva was looking anxious now. "You can look after your people here." She took Poppy's hands again. "Let me show you around. Let me show you how great our people are. Let me try to convince you to stay."
Poppy frowned. "What if you can't?"
Viva didn't answer her. She pulled Poppy outside and started giving her a tour. Viva's mask was back, and Poppy felt a terrible sinking in her stomach. She followed Viva, only half paying attention to what she saw and heard.
Poppy only relaxed during the tour when she saw Bud. He looked happier than she'd ever seen him. He was still clinging to Clay's arm, just like he did with Branch. Poppy couldn't help but smile to herself when she saw that the roots of Bud's hair had some actual color to them. Not just a warmish tint or shade. It was identifiable as a color. The lighting made it difficult to tell if it was red, pink, or purple, but the color itself didn't matter. What mattered was that the color was there.
"Clay!" Viva pulled Poppy closer to him and Bud.
"Hey, Vee." Clay said. "How's things going with Poppy?"
"Great." Viva said, though Poppy wasn't so sure. "I'm showing her why she needs to stay."
"But I can't." Poppy said. "I already told you. My people need me."
"I need you." Viva said. "And I can't let you leave. If I have to keep you here until you understand, then I will."
Poppy wasn't scared of the threat. She knew that Viva meant well. She believed that she could reason with her sister. Too late she realized that just because she didn't take Viva's threat seriously didn't mean that someone else wouldn't.
Bud growled and finally let go of Clay, only to lunge at Viva. He was raw, angry, and desperate, and Poppy couldn't bring herself to be surprised. He'd just stopped being the captive of a well-meaning leader, and now he was hearing that another was planning on doing something similar, at least as far as he was concerned.
Poppy didn't know if Bud was trying to defend her or if he thought that he was the one in danger. Either way, he was standing up to a perceived threat, and Poppy was actually a little encouraged about it. He still had a fighting spirit. He still had some hope.
But Poppy knew she couldn't just sit here and let her sister get throttled.
"Bud, no!" Poppy used her hair to grab at Bud's arm, pulling him back before he could hurt himself or Viva. "Stop!"
Bud growled and struggled in her grip. She pulled him back to Clay, who got a firm but gentle grip on him. Just as Viva hoped, Clay's hold calmed Bud down a fair amount. His brother's presence really was doing wonders for him.
When Poppy was sure that Bud was secured she looked back at Viva. "Sister or not, you can't expect me to let myself be a prisoner."
Viva's eyes widened. "You wouldn't be a prisoner."
"If you try to keep me here against my will, that's exactly what I'd be." Poppy said. She closed her eyes and sighed. "Coming here was a mistake." She shouldn't have tried to combine her work as queen with trying to reunite Bud with his family. Without Branch there to focus and guide here she couldn't do both at once. Especially not with the revelation of Viva being her sister.
"Poppy-" Viva reached out to her.
"I've loved meeting you." Poppy said. "I'll come back, but I can't be here right now." She needed to regroup. She needed to talk to Branch, and her dad, and take some time to figure out how to move forward with both her sister and her people.
Poppy looked at Bud. She felt bad. He'd found his brother, but she knew that he wouldn't feel safe staying here with Viva, and she didn't feel comfortable letting him out of her sight. There might be something they could do though.
"Bud, I think it's time to go home." Poppy said. Bud clung tighter to his brother. "But maybe Clay would want to visit us for a bit?" She looked at the green troll pleadingly, hoping he would understand. Bud needed him, and Poppy thought she did too. If he saw that it was safe to leave and that their people were waiting for them, maybe he could convince Viva to calm down.
Bud looked at Clay with wide, hopeful eyes. "C-come home." His voice was rough and barely audible, but it was the first of his voice that Poppy had heard that wasn't a scream. She thought it might be one of the most beautiful sounds she'd ever heard.
Clay looked at Bud, and then over to Viva. "I'm sorry, but I can't go with you. Viva, the putt putt trolls, they're my family." Bud flinched, but Clay continued. "And I'd never abandon my family."
Bud made a pained sound and he let go of Clay's hand. There were tears falling from his eyes, and Clay's expression fell. "No, no, don't cry." Clay said, and with those words it was like a switch had been flipped.
Bud's eyes glazed over. He numbly took a step back from Clay. He started walking away, moving automatically. Poppy reached for him, but didn't touch him. She didn't want to make him freak out again.
"Bud?" Poppy said quietly. "Are you okay?"
Bud walked over to a light pole and, without warning, he threw his head back and then slammed it against the pole. "Bud!" He didn't react to her words. He just growled and slammed his head again. Poppy ran up to him, but she wasn't fast enough to pull him back before he hit his head a third time, making his head bleed.
Poppy held Bud tightly, scared of what might happen if she let her grip relax for one second. She hugged him, pulling his head against her shoulder, not at all caring about the tears getting on her clothes. That was the least of her concerns. Poppy was crying herself. She was scared. She'd never seen someone do something like this.
She wanted to tell Bud that he was going to be okay. She wanted to give him reassurances and show him the bright side, but she couldn't even see the bright side herself right now. All she saw was a lonely troll who, in just a matter of seconds, had lost every speck of color that had been creeping back in. He looked like he was duller and more Gray than before. He'd been scared and rejected. He was losing hope again, and Poppy didn't know how to help him.
Poppy held Bud close, wishing she knew how to protect him from more pain. She looked at Viva and Clay, who were watching them. The two of them looked pained and a little guilty, but Poppy didn't think either of them were going to be changing their minds. Even if they were, she couldn't wait for that to happen. She needed to focus on Bud right now, and being here wasn't good for him. It didn't matter if his brother was here, it was clear that wasn't enough for him right now.
"Come on." Poppy said to Bud. "I think it's time to go." Viva reached out to her, her mouth open to give an argument, but Clay put a hand on her arm and shook his head. Viva reluctantly didn't say a word as they left the golf course and returned to the caterbus. They got on board and departed for home.
Poppy sat next to Bud, taking his hand. "Are you okay?"
He shook his head, tears still falling from his eyes. He was trying to brush away his tears, and it hurt Poppy to watch. "You can cry, you know." And her permission was all he needed. He started bawling, clinging to her desperately, and she held on just as tightly.
"That was your brother, wasn't it?" Poppy asked. Bud whimpered and nodded. Poppy sighed and held him close. "I'm so sorry." Right now that was all she could do.