38) If I Should Fall From Grace With God
Mal sat back in his chair at the table and sipped his coffee. He (as per usual) had no clue what was going on with River and Rick. They'd been flirting for a while. Carolyn didn't mind and had gone so far as to volunteer to speak with Rick about the…etiquette involved concerning dating/flirting with two women simultaneously. She'd mentioned in passing that she and Rick had finally had that little talk. Whatever the result of the conversation had been no one had gotten upset about it which was all to the good as far as he was concerned.
River had been her usual enigmatic serene self. Patted his shoulder as if to say, 'bless your heart' and told him it would work out. She was a lot more understanding than he was considering everything that had been going on. He doubted he'd have been so blasé about starting a relationship (or whatever Rick and River were doing, he really had no clue (as per usual and he liked it that way, thank you very much) at this point) with Inara if one of her clients lived aboard his ship.
Things had been a little strange for a few months. Jack had been more sulking her way through the defense lessons than participating at least until Inara had taken over. But then Inara had gone, and Jack was back to River teaching her and sulking through the lessons again. Rick had been flirting a little less subtly with River. Things kept getting misplaced or messed up out of the blue. River's toe shoes had disappeared for two days before they'd been found in the spare shuttle. It was mostly River's things that went missing and part of him wondered if his little mind reading witch was having trouble and didn't want to say. When he and the rest of the crew had talked to her about it, she'd said everything was fine and she wasn't having any problems.
If Inara had still been on board, he'd have asked her advice about this. Asked if she'd noticed anything regarding the changing dynamics of the crew. But Inara had decided to leave (again). And this time she'd taken everything belonging to her along. So apart from waves and letters it was highly unlikely he'd be able to take advantage of her relationship expertise. He wasn't entirely sure Inara's bailiwick included how to deal with a love triangle (square? pentagon maybe?). And no matter how much she cared about River she didn't exactly have a lot of insight into a crazy genius mind reading witch.
The biggest clue that something had changed was when more than a week ago Rick asked if Mal would mind him bunking in the crew quarters rather than the passenger dorms. He hadn't had any issue with it, handy to have at least one pilot closer to the bridge besides him. He'd have actually insisted on it if it wasn't so easy to see how protective Rick and Carolyn were of Jack. Something of his surprise must have showed in his face though because Rick had shrugged. "Thought it might be time to have a locking door that makes more noise than the shoji screens."
"A lock," Mal had repeated, mystified.
"Yeah…I don't wake up…well," Rick had explained haltingly. "Tend to put a shiv to someone's throat or throw 'em across the room if they grab me…it's dangerous to wake me up unless it's a certain way."
"Ah, gotcha," Mal nodded his understanding. "Got more'n a few of us with the same problems."
"Like this boat, first place I felt like I could actually sleep and not be on guard all the time y'know," The huge man said quietly. "I don't want that to change so I figured ask about the crew bunks."
"Got two open, have your pick and we'll get you situated," Mal had agreed. He might never have figured out exactly what had happened if Carolyn hadn't explained it to him. The woman was rapidly becoming worth her weight in gold for the way she had of keeping little problems from becoming big ones. Sure made life easier for him and Zoë.
And here came the object of his musings, wary as ever, quiet step on the deck as she came in to make her breakfast, "Zǎo shang hǎo Jack." He greeted her quietly. "Got some leftover eggs, well, egglike substance anyway, on the stove. Grab yourself a biscuit or two and enjoy."
"You sure," She looked at the pan on the stovetop.
"Yeah, you go on," He smiled as genially as he knew how. "Growin' girls need food. And you more than most. Sproutin' up as you are."
"Caro says we'll have to find me some new clothes soon, these are getting too small," Jack frowned her worry as she added the eggs to a plate with a couple biscuits and brought the coffee pot to the table.
"Gonna get taller than River," The Captain chuckled. "Plenty of secondhand shops and cheap bulk stores where we set down. We'll find you some things." He tilted his head, "You're how old now? Near fifteen?"
Jack slanted a dry look at him, "Closer to sixteen Cap'n." She held up the coffee pot in silent inquiry and he shook his head. One hot mug later and she'd replaced it on the designated burner.
"I see," He nodded thoughtfully. "That makes a little more sense."
"What does," She was eating, quickly (though neatly), as if she still worried someone would take the food away from her. He doubted that would change for a while longer. He didn't think she trusted all of them yet, funnily enough, not even Rick or Caro. From what Carolyn had said Jack hadn't even told them about her parents or the girls' home.
"When I heard about your little…" Mal frowned thoughtfully searching for a polite phrase, "Let's call it your seduction attempt." She flushed unhappily and he spread his hands, "See? That. You're embarrassed and unhappy I'm mentioning it. That's all I need to know this wasn't something you really wanted. Just something you thought you should do."
He remembered River saying something about a sacrifice back when the three of them come aboard and wondered how much Jack had actually wanted sex as opposed to some insurance (assurance? maybe both?) that she was important to Rick. "I was always told that if you can't talk about something you've got no business doing it," He added quietly. "So why would you try?"
Jack's expression had run the gamut from mortified to annoyed, then angry and finally, defensive, "How'n the hell is that any of your business?"
"My boat," He reminded her mildly. "My responsibility. And if a crewman takes an underage girl to his bed, then the law's been broken on my watch. Not that we pay much attention to most of the law out here but there are a few worth following and that's one of 'em. Seems I recall the two of us havin' a talk on that very subject not long after you got on the boat." He tilted his head taking in the maturing loveliness of her face. "You're a pretty girl Jack. And you'll be a beautiful woman. But you ain't a woman yet."
That seemed to touch something in her because she sighed, "Yeah…" She shrugged, "My dad, he always told me that I looked just like my mom. She was a real beauty, according to the captures we had. Even had some of her baby pictures and I do look like her."
"Well, you are turning into a beauty Jack," Mal nodded. "I expect if you want to try out a dress or two we could manage to find something. Kaylee'd love a chance to shop."
"Dunno if I'm ready for dresses," Jack shook her head. "Dad always said it was safer if the people we were around didn't notice me. Especially didn't notice my face."
"I guess if he died over a gambling debt he wasn't exactly running with a lily-white crowd," Mal could understand her father's reasoning. Though why he hadn't stopped gambling and bringing his daughter around those kinds of people he didn't see. Surely his child was more important than a stupid game of tall card? But there was no tellin' what sort of justification the man had. And Mal had long ago learned that while you needed a license to fly, to drive, to run a business, any gorram bèn dàn could be a father. Not all fathers valued their children as precious the way they should. Not all mothers either come to think of it. He had at least two people on the boat could testify to that.
"No, pretty much not," She shrugged, her mood, mercurial as always, slipping back to sullen and defensive. "Pretty isn't doing me any good anyway."
"Well since generally you've been walkin' around madder'n a wet hornet these days…" Mal shrugged. "Folks notice the scowl more than the features of the face it's on." He tilted his head, "Still angry down to your bones?"
"Dunno if that'll ever go away," Jack frowned and looked at him, challenging. "Did yours?"
He half sighed. For all that she was a kid with remarkably large blind spots and holes in her logic, Jack did see quite a few things very clearly. Could give a man an uncomfortableness (that gorram word had stuck with him, both annoying and apropos) now and then. "Well…I came by mine a little later than you Jack," He offered. "See, losing a war and having your home world bombed back to a black rock'll do that. Shadow was one of the foundations of the Independent movement. And everyone living there, even the ones who thought Unification was a good idea, died. Died from the bombs, died of their wounds later, or died of exposure when the dust and smoke blotted out the sun and killed whatever had been left. Millions of innocent civilians whose only crime was living on Shadow."
That had her jaw dropping in shock, he guessed she hadn't known where he was from. Not that he spoke of it much but it was right on his ident card. "I learned about that mask," Mal added quietly. "I wear one every day." He studied her and she stiffened slightly, "What I can't figure out is why you would try to take Rick to bed."
"I just…" She mumbled through her bite of biscuit and he waited raising an eyebrow for her to finish and answer properly. "I wanted him to…see me." She scowled down at her food as if it had done her an injury, "He calls me kid. Or mèi mei. Flirts with anything female that has a pulse. But not me. River's not much older than I am and he's…" She shook her head in irritation.
"Well as I understand it, Rick sees you as his little sister," The Captain decided to address the easiest (hopefully) portion of the problem first. "And as there's no way to close the age gap between the two of you, I doubt that'll change."
"Yeah, he said somethin' like that," The girl pouted, there was no other word for it. "Men don't think you're an adult unless you show 'em you are," She added in irritation. "Why is it that a girl has sex with someone they take her more seriously?"
There was no way for him to answer that and he wasn't about to try, "Jack, you want to be treated like an adult, you gotta act like one." He pointed out. "Sex is no indicator of being grown. Just means hormones and attraction and feeling good when you're adult enough for it."
"Everyone says that," Oh now she was good and irked. "Act like a grown up, but no one says what that is."
"Being a grown up isn't the same as being an adult. Adult is just…age," Mal frowned at her. "Grown up means you take responsibility for your actions. You think about what you're doing and how it'll affect folks around you before you do it. You fulfill your responsibilities. And whatever you do or don't do that's wrong, you own up to it. Live with it. Because there ain't no absolution from your own conscience."
That got her attention, and he kept his voice stern as his mother's had ever been with him when he'd done wrong. "You're getting older Jack, and that can't be avoided. Time comes you start sparkin' with someone I'll be keeping a good eye on you. And I got no doubt Rick'll be doing the same. There's no shortage of hún dàn gǒushǐ duī who'll lead a pretty girl on and try to take advantage." He kept his eyes on her face, no fidgeting with his coffee mug, "But that ain't now. And if I catch you sneaking into anyone's bunk like you did…" He paused as a thought occurred to him, "Jack, what you did is technically called assault. It's illegal and immoral. And if Rick didn't care about you so much, I got no doubt you'd still be limping. Or worse."
"But I didn't—"
Mal cut her off ruthlessly, "Jack what you did, and whether or not you succeeded in your goals, that don't matter. It don't even matter what your intentions were. It was wrong. And if you try anything like that again, I don't care how old you are, I'll put you over my knee as if you were five and tan your hide like my mama did mine when I misbehaved." He eyed her, "Are we clear young lady?"
"Yes sir," She nodded slowly.
"Good." He nodded. Time to soothe her a bit, say something good so she wouldn't feel like a henpecked chick. And it would have the benefit of being truthful, "That bein' said, and settled. I did want to mention what a good job you're doin' with all the duties assigned to you. You takin' care of little things like writin' down when we're out of something or the parts Kaylee's bought makes life some easier on Zoë and that's near priceless. You're earning your keep and then some and I'm glad of it."
"Thank you," She murmured, still slightly chastened.
"So, if time comes you got questions or worries or need somethin' you're shy of askin' Rick about, you can come to me and I'll be happy to talk," Mal assured her. "We can't afford to pay you wages but just because you're working for room and board doesn't mean you gotta go without. So, you come and tell me, or tell Zoë or Carolyn if you ain't comfortable addressin' it with me, and we'll figure something out, all right?"
"Yes sir," Jack looked at him a bit strangely and he had to wonder what was on her mind. In another thirty seconds he had his answer, "River's not much older'n me. But you ain't uneasy about the attention Rick's payin' her?"
Mal smiled, "Well that's part of why we got her teachin' you to fight. Ain't ever met someone who fights as well as River." He shrugged, "She's a grown woman, got the right to do as she pleases so long as the one she's doing it with has no objections and it ain't harmful."
"She's a grown woman but I'm a kid," Jack mumbled. And that was the crux of the whole gorram problem right there.
"She's got a little more'n three years on you Jack," Mal said gently. "And a whole lot of hard life to age her past nineteen. Don't let that white skin and those Core manners fool you, she's been through hells you can't imagine. Put her life on the line for this crew and ship more than once. She's proven herself a grown up."
Jack sighed and nodded and went back to her breakfast. He had no clue if he'd gotten through to her though he was pretty sure she believed him about what he'd do if she accosted anyone else. Thank the dear and fluffy lord for small favors.
Author's Note: Well we've established through two chapters now that Riddick moved to the crew bunks so he has a locking door and Jack can't try that again. And Mal is taking his Captainy duties seriously. I don't think he's doing too badly considering he's never dealt with a teenage girl (a sane one) before. He is at least trying and that's more than most people would bother with.
Mal's bit about any idiot can be a father comes from an old (older than I like to recall) movie called Parenthood. Keanu Reeves character has the line. - Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head "Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast." You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
Chinese Translations:
Zǎo shang hǎo (Good morning)
bèn dàn (fool / idiot)
mèi mei (little sister)
hún dàn (bastard) (individual who has at least two biological fathers and one biological mother - bastard / scoundrel / bastard / hoodlum / wretch)
gǒushǐ duī (a person who behaves badly (lit. "a pile of dog shit"))