Hogan's Heroes Yeah I'm starting a Family Guy Fanfic for one of my fans...
Plot
The Living Room of the Griffins house. They are watching a very weird episode of The Brady Brunch..
"Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket." Jan tattles.
"Greg, were you smoking cigarettes?" Dad asked Greg, the acting in the show is also stilted and wooden.
"No, Dad." Greg replied.
"He's lying. There's no doubt about that." Dad was somehow able to determine untruth from Greg. "Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snake pit..."
Oscar the almighty narrator gawked concerned as the episode immediately went down hill with insane things like banishment to snake pits...
"That'll give you time to think about what you did." Dad continued.
"Man!" Greg leapt down into the pit of deadly snakes...
"That'll teach him." said Jan smugly.
"Oh what a bitch!" Peter gasped.
Lois hushed him.
"Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the fire chamber... for tattling on your brother." He banishes to a room that's on fire behind a steel door.
Oscar winced baffled.
"Smoking. How does a boy like that go so wrong?" Lois sighed.
"They live in a crummy neighbourhood." said Peter.
Oscar coughs for attention.
"Oh hold on! We're an adult animated sitcom I don't have to be polite for the kids! They live in a shitty neighbourhood."
"Peter just because we air after nine at night doesn't mean you have to swear..." Brian the dog sighed.
"The Bradys?" Lois asked.
"Yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. You name it." said Peter.
"You folks want some pancakes?" Aunt Jemima is at the window offering them pancakes...
"No, thanks. See, that's the worst that we get is Aunt Jemima's witnesses." said Peter.
Oscar gave him a stupefied, goofy look of befuddlement with one eye squinting and the other wide open in amazement at this silliness.
Peter chuckled.
...
Then the theme tune played. Lucky there's a Family Guuuuuuy!
...
After the opening theme tune, We cut to the kitchen. The family has dinner. Stewie is tinkering with a gadget.
Stewie is a football-headed baby wearing yellow and red. Yellow shirt with red dungarees. This is important later on when he creates an evil twin... Stewie's head is football shaped, kinda like Arnold from Hey Arnold!
Chris is doing his homework, He appears to be struggling with it. Bristol is a fat, blond boy in a blue shirt and black pants. He wears an orange hat.
Meg is reading. She wears a pink hat and pink clothes, her hair is brown, kinda like she's Timmy Turner but female... Ironically she gets treated badly by everyone... just like Timmy. She is the first to speak.
"If I could walk with the animals talk with the animals!" she sang off key.
"Hey toots! Don't sing if you can't hold a tune!" said a pigeon sat in a tree by the open kitchen windows.
"Meg sweetie... we get it... Our network hired Lacey Chabert to voice you. You don't have Dr Dolittle powers to hear animals talking like Eliza Thornberry does though..." said Lois. The mother is a carrot haired woman wearing a green top.
"And a few seasons time they replace your voice with Mila Kunis from That 70s Show..." said Brian. A white beagle who can talk for some reason.
"And before that she had only minor character roles... At least your current voice has a resume!" Stewie ranted.
Lacey's acting and voice acting roles scroll down the screen.
Tmas Griffin, who strikingly resembles Donnie Thornberry was attempting to stuff a floret of broccoli up his own nose while jabbering.
"Oh Tmas no! Don't stick your broccoli up your nose!" Meg groaned.
Tmas jabbers and leapt on the table and danced holding knives and folks which he then deposited into his leopard print shorts which were his only clothes he had on.
Lois face palmed.
"That's what you get for hiring Eliza Thornberry to voice Meg..." said Oscar writing the script.
"Also I am fixated on my appearance! Can I get my lips made thinner with collagen?" Meg asked.
"No sweetie, you're already beautiful." said Lois cleaning the dishes.
"Oh that's all I needed to hear! Instead of Dad farting in my face every minute or telling me to shut up..." Meg sight relieved.
"Eliza does not ask for collagen! She talks to animals!" Oscar yelled hurling his paperwork in a frenzy.
"Hey toots! Your whole face needs work! A lot of work..." said the same pigeon still perched in the tree just outside the kitchen window in front of the sink.
"Shut up! Smart asses pigeon!" Meg yelled at the pigeon.
Chris did a "She's crazy" gesture.
"You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image." said Brian.
"Holy crap! The dog can talk!" Oscar screamed.
Everyone gave him deadpan stares. Apparently it's normal that the dog talks...
...
Anyway the rest of this scene is subtle Brady Brunch humour, the zany crap doesn't start till four episodes in...
"We still have cutaways though, which you're interrupting..." said Stewie to Oscar.
Oscar winced.
Suddenly for no reason other to illustrate a point that the Simpsons does better without cutting to irrelevant scenes... We are now in a gym. Adolf Hitler is rail thin and trying to lift weights.
There is a muscular Jewish man with enormous pecs with a lady on each arm chuckling.
Hitler snarls.
Seriously that's where your humour is going Family Guy... Ugh...
"Yeah guys not funny... stop sympathising with that failed Austrian artist..." Oscar seethed.
"But it's edgy! South Park is doing it..." said Stewie.
"South Park thinks your jokes were written by manatees picking out colourful balls at random..." said Oscar rolling his eyes.
"What?! Those jerks!" Stewie whined as he tinkered with his hypnosis gun thing.
"Excellent! The mind-control device is nearing completion!" Stewie finishes completing his gadget and getting it fully operational.
"Okay... now the baby is a mad scientist evil genius..." Oscar sighed exasperated.
"Yeah I'm like Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory in diapers..." said Stewie. "Oh and except where as he's morally ambiguous, I'm evil and want to take over the world..."
"So like Brain from Pinky and the Brain..." Oscar sighed.
Stewie frowned at him. "Yes... Well put..."
"For some reason I am selectively deaf to our talking baby who just announced his plans for world domination, instead I shall act like he is a completely normal baby." said Lois explaining the show's flawed humour. "Sweetie put your toy away and eat your dinner."
She confiscates his gun. "Hey! Return that device at once woman!" Stewie whined.
"Stewie, I said no toys at the table." said Lois firmly.
"Damn you, vile woman!" Stewie ranted in a tantrum.
"Again I am completely deaf to anything Stewie says. Deal with it..." said Lois.
"Yeah that's why our post Treehouse of Horror VII arc with Hugo, Bart's twin makes more sense as we actually acknowledge how weird it is that Hugo is a mad scientist evil genius who builds doomsday devices at supper..." Marge Simpson suddenly appeared to explain my fanon...
"Yeah my family and town take my threats of world domination very seriously..." said Hugo Simpson tinkering with a gadget.
"Yeah whatever... still not acknowledging my strangely intelligent baby talking fluently..." said Lois.
...
Meg then wanted to turn the heating up...
"Mom, can I turn the heat up?"
"Don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset." said Lois.
"Come on. This thing goes up to 90." Meg adjusts the heating.
"Who touched the thermostat?" Peter suddenly arrives from the backyard. I Uh have no idea why he was out there... Peter, the dad is a typical overweight dad in an animated sitcom. He wears green pants and a white shirt. Like his daughter he has brown hair and glasses.
"God, how does he always know?" Meg sighed.
"Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one. Tells you when the kids mess with the dial." said Peter warmly and not berating Meg or farting on her...
"Yeah you spent an entire conversation with the Meg without farting on her..." said Brian.
"I don't do that yet!" Peter yelled.
"I am also gonna be blind to my husbands constant bullying of my daughter in the next few episodes once Mila Kunis takes over as her voice..." said Lois washing the dishes.
"My thing went off! Your thermostat okay?" A dad was in the Griffin's yard for some reason.
"Yeah, it's all right." said Peter,
"Is my kid over here?" asked another dad.
"Forget it! False alarm!" said Peter.
A black guy joins in but says nothing.
"Ya see Meg, Daddies don't like the thermostat being messed with. Ain't that right Mr Sanban?" said Peter.
We cut to the Sanban house aka Numbuh Three's house.
"Kuki leave the thermostat alone!" Mr Sanban yelled.
"But I'm c-c—cold!" Kuki whined.
"She's cute... shame she's dating Wallabee/Numbuh 4..." said Oscar now in his KND outfit.
"We are not dating!" Wallaby/Wallabee yelled.
"Hey Peter." said Brian.
"Holy crap! The dog just spoke!" Peter yelled flinching.
"Peter we just find that normal... Like we do with the squid..." said Lois.
A giant squid sat at the table glares at Lois. It swipes everything off of the table with a quick slap from its tentacle. Plates and cups shatter as they fall to the floor.
Peter squeezes his nose frustrated. "Hi Brian..."
"Peter, it's 7:00 and you've still got your pants on. What's the occasion?" Brian asked.
Homer Simpson arrived. "Yeah apparently I too have a habit of getting undressed at 7 in the evening and having dinner in my underwear..."
"He even undresses when my sisters visit..." Marge face palmed.
"Right..." said Peter.
...
"Anyway... why are you still dressed Peter? Which in normal for other people..." said Brian. "If abnormal for you..."
"He's going on a stag do tonight." said Lois.
"Are there actually any male deer there?" Oscar asked.
Everyone face palmed. "No Oscar..." said Lois.
"Lois, I work hard all week to provide for this family. I am the man of the house. As the man, I order you to give me permission to go to this party." said Peter sharply. "Or I may have to slap you about like Ralph Kramden does to his wife."
Yes there's wife beating instead of Meg being farted on...
Lois sighed, "Fine..."
Peter fist pumped and cheered. "Yes!"
"But try to be sensible and not drink too much..." Lois sighed.
"Lois, I am a fat, oafish, and sometimes selfish and unappreciative husband in an animated sitcom! It is my duty to get blind drunk! Besides like Homer I have an indestructible liver..." said Peter.
"Yeah take note readers... If you actually drank like Homer or Peter you'd be dead in a few years from liver failure..." said Oscar.
Lois sighed flustered.
We then cutaway to times Peter was drunk...
"Like in church..."
Peter drinks the communal wine. He coughed as it was strong.
"Is that really the blood of Christ?"
"Yes." said the reverend.
"Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day." Peter remarked.
"And then there was that time at the ice cream store." Lois sighed.
"Butter Rum's my favourite." said Peter. He fell across the parlour table drunk and passed out.
Oscar laughed.
"Remember you had an lrish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?" Lois sighed.
They go to see Philadelphia. That film about a ship that goes missing in the Bermuda Triangle and the main character finds out he has AIDS.
The film in question is being shown at a movie theatre. Everyone is crying, except Peter.
"I got it. That's the guy from Big. Tom Hanks, that's it. Funny guy, Tom Hanks. Everything he says is a stitch." said Peter.
"I have AIDS." said Tom Hanks.
Peter laughs.
...
"Hey it all makes sense! Philadelphia is a sequel to Forrest Gump! His slut of a girlfriend gives him AIDs and he finds out in Philadelphia!" said Oscar.
"Uh no kid... you're missing the point of the movie..." said Peter. "Also lose the turtleneck..."
Oscar glared as he felt his blue turtleneck sweater with green triangles. "Certainly not!"
"So why does your dog talk..." He muttered.
"Why does yours resemble a cartoon dinosaur..." said Brian.
Dino, Oscar's pet cartoon dinosaur barks.
"That's because he is a dinosaur. He just mentally thinks he is a dog... Like Taz's pet turtle in Taz in Taz-mania," said Oscar.
Dino pants with his tongue hanging out. He flicks spit everywhere. Oscar pets the small yellow dinosaur that resembles a baby Chomby.
"Promise me, Peter." Lois sighed.
"One of these days Lois... one of these days! Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon!"
Lois sighed. "So when are you gonna stumble in, vomit in the lounge and pass out at? Three? Four AM?"
"You'll hear me come in..." said Peter.
Plot 2
A stag do at someone's house. Peter arrives and greets his friends.
"Who wants to play Drink The Beer?" A guy drinking asks.
"Right here." Peter gulps down his can of Pawtucket Patriot.
"You win." said a guy who doesn't appear in the show again...
"All right. What do I win?" Peter cheered.
"Another beer!" said the nameless generic guy.
"I'm going for the high score!" Peter cheered.
"Actually, Charlie's got the high score." said generic guy.
"Man. Your clock won't flush." Charlie a very drunk guy was urinating in a grandfather clock.
"Look Barney! It's you!" said Homer Simpson.
Barney Gumble was mortified seeing Charlie pee in the grandfather clock.
Buzz Killington, a Nineteenth century dressed killjoy arrived wearing a top hat, coattails and spats. "Peter don't you feel bad ignoring your wife's advice about drinking?"
"Shut up Killington! Or I'll knock you into next week!" Peter slurred drunk.
Buzz sighed, took out a revolver and shot himself dead.
"Yeah ignore the tiny angel nagging you Peter. It's a party! Have fun!" said the nameless guy.
"Yeah, you're right! Except my nagging conscience is stupid Nineteenth century guy in a top hat, coattails and spats..." said Peter.
Suddenly a tall guy wearing Dale's Hawaiian shirt from Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers arrived.
"Giggity giggity goo! I'm your bestest pal Glenn Quagmire! And I'm a colossal pervert! Oh yeah!" He does crotch swings. Also his grammar is appalling.
"Also you dress like Dale from Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers..." said Oscar typing on a typewriter.
"Uh actually I'm dressed like Thomas Magnum aka Tom Selleck..." said Quagmire.
"Wait, if you're my best friend, who's this guy I have been talking to all evening?" Peter asked pointing out the green sweater guy.
"Oh that's a generic background character... you never, ever interact with him again..." said Glenn.
"Awwww... he seems nice..." said Peter.
Later, Peter is very drunk.
"Hey Quagmire, did you bring the porno?" Peter swung and danced about as it is difficult to stand still when drunk.
"Of course I did! And I have no family to tape over it!" said Quagmire.
"Hey Casablanca is sexy when we're all drunk..." said Peter.
"Hey pipe down Peter, the porno is on!" said Quagmire.
They watch a very explicit porno...
"Geez Quagmire, even I think this is pretty disgusting!" Peter sobered up in nausea.
"Eh.., I'm a deranged perverted freak..." said Quagmire not caring that he got turned on by extreme porn...
...
Breakfast at the Griffins the next day.
"Meg, finish your pancakes." Lois was fed up about something.
"Chris, elbows off your father." she continued as she instructed Chris to remove his arms from his dad. Peter is lying on the table... The plates and cutlery are laying on top of him.
Oscar laughed.
"Thanks, son." said Peter with a sore head.
"37 beers. You're setting a great example for the kids, Peter." Lois sighed.
Oscar winced. "How are you not dead..."
"Yeah. A new family record. Way to raise the bar, Dad." Chris cheered.
"Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that." Lois nagged.
"Shut up bitch! I have a freaking headache! I don't need another!" Peter snapped.
"Uh on second thoughts... congratulations Peter, 37 beers.l, a new record. Would you like a medal..," Lois said sarcastically.
"Yes, I would love a medal Lois..." said Peter.
Brian scowled at Peter.
"Kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty... would take her clothes off." said Peter.
"Oh for crying out loud... How do you cope Marge..." Lois sighed.
"I don't! Homer's drinking enrages me..." Marge seethed as Homer came home drunk too..l
"Alcoholism is hilarious..." Oscar chuckled. "Except when you start dying from it, then it's sad..."
Lois frowned.
Stewie cut at one of the legs on Lois's chair with a laser.
Lois sat down. Her chair broke under her.
"Oh my! This chair has a broken leg! I could have broken my neck!" said Lois.
"Damn it all!" Stewie yelled.
"Right... so no one noticed the baby cutting the chair leg with a laser..." said Oscar.
"Ignoring like we do with the squid..." said Peter.
The squid grabbed a tea cup with one of its tentacles and hurled the cup across the room just missing Tmas Griffin.
Tmas jabbered alarmed and ripped off his own clothes and ran about naked.
Lois sighed.
"Do you guys have a guest room?" Oscar asked.
"No..." said everyone.
"You do now..." said Oscar.
...
Upstairs, the landing. There was an extra door between Chris and Stewie's room.
"Okay..." said the family.
"Your room dimensions are still the same... My room is in a different dimension that's all..." said Oscar.
"Eh... my war room behind my bedroom wall doesn't make sense, so meh..." said Stewie.
"I'm getting fed up with you all ignoring the talking baby and the talking dog so I am spending some me time with my talking teddy bear creature. Don't disturb me for a few hours..." said Oscar.
The Griffins shrugged.
Oscar's bedroom, which is painted blue and has a changing table and helicopter mobiles on the ceiling and toys everywhere.
Oscar sighed and disrobed down to his diaper. Instead of underwear he still wears diapers. The brown haired boy has wild locks of brown hair in a troll doll style. He holds up his hair with green goggles.
A cartoon furry teddy bear creature with orange and yellow fur and a big, round, wet, shiny, black nose sniffs him and grins, showing his big square buck teeth.
Teddy then sniff's Oscar's diaper. Oscar blushed and sweated. Teddy sniffed him constantly in an unnecessary manner, I dunno, they're both freaks and enjoy this for some reason... Oscar just acts like he doesn't like it.
Teddy was still sniffing him. Oscar felt a stinging pain from his bladder as if he needed to go. He was transfixed by Teddy's big wet shiny black nose quivering and twitching. Oscar blushed, then he sighed and whimpered as he started peeing in his diaper.
Teddy chuckled.
Oscar frowned. "Now I'm wet..."
Teddy sniffed his diaper again. Oscar blushed and backed away. Teddy grabbed him and pulled him closer. He continued sniffing him. Oscar whined.
Teddy then started singing Joni Mitchell. "Ooooooooeeeeooooo oooooeeee oooo oooo!"
Oscar winced.
Teddy then started sniffing his diaper again.
"Oh crumbs!" Oscar groaned as his freakish teddy bear thing sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose. Oscar squeezed his nose. It squeaked like a squeaky toy. Oscar grinned and squeezed his nose again.
"Hey! Watch it!" Teddy whined.
Oscar giggled.
Teddy frowned. His response was to just sniff Oscar's diaper again. Oscar winced and squirmed.
Then a pie appeared.
"Mmmmmmmm! Chocolate pie!" said Teddy.
"Uh Ted..." Oscar tried to explain.
"I LIKE PIE!" Teddy yelled delighted.
...
Peter then decided to go to work, hungover...
"Uh Peter..." said Lois.
"Someone has to bring in the money Lois." said Peter.
Lois sighed fed up with explaining to him that his ideas were bad ideas.
"Honey. I took a cab home, I slept on the table... so I wouldn't wake you up. Nothing bad happened." said Peter.
"You threw up all over the lounge!" Lois yelled. "Nobody go in the lounge..."
"Who threw all this delicious curry everywhere?!" Brian exclaimed from the lounge.
"Brian! No!" Everyone yelled.
"Well off to work..." said Peter.
Lois sighed.
"Somebody's gotta put food on this table." said Peter.
"I can create food out of thin air with my magic wand..." said Oscar holding a magic wand.
Teddy winced.
Mr Weed's Toy factory.
"He smokes weed..." Oscar chuckled, standing outside.
Teddy face palmed.
"How are you coming, Johnson?" Mr Weed asked a worker.
"Mr. Weed, I've been working on the new G.I. Jew line. And as you can see, they look great." said Johnson.
Mr Weed squeezes the doll.
"You call these bagels?" said the doll in a nerdy voice.
"That's not funny. Why is everyone here anti Semitic?" Oscar ranted.
Mr Weed shrugged.
"I have better ideas, like Mr Zucchini Head!" said Oscar.
"Uh Oz... bad idea..." said Teddy.
"Baby Bites-a-lot, the doll with razor sharp teeth?" said Oscar.
Mr Weed shook his head.
"Well you are not selling that hate crime!" Oscar snapped pointing at the G.I Jew doll.
Mr Weed finds Peter sleeping.
"Peter!" Mr Weed yelled.
"What...?" Peter yawned.
"Are you sleeping on the job?!"
...
Luckily Mr Weed was in a forgiving mood. He left Peter to continue assembling toys.
However Peter saw the Mr Belvedere signal out the window.
"Curse you Mr Belvedere!" Peter seethed.
Oscar and Teddy gawked baffled.
Elsewhere Mr Belvedere came home to the house of his employers only to find Wesley had bought something extravagant.
"Wesley..." He sighed exasperated.
Peter nodded off again.
"Peter! Look lively!" said Mr Weed.
"No. There's a bug in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate him." said Peter,
"No Peter! Listen to me and one day you'll be a real boy!" said Jiminy Cricket in his eye...
Oscar laughed.
Teddy winced.
"Peter, I like you. But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here." said Mr Weed.
Oscar zapped his eyes with his wand, turning his eyes into wrapped pieces of strawberry and vanilla hard candy.
Teddy face palmed.
"It's your job to watch for toys that could be hazardous to kids. Now, look sharp!" said Mr Weed to Peter.
Oscar became a sharp pencil-like point, as if someone put him through a pencil sharpener.
Teddy face palmed.
"And Marshall." said Mr Weed to an employee. "Keep your eyes peeled."
Oscar held up a potato peeler and brought it his left eye...
"Oz... give me the potato peeler..." Teddy sighed exasperated.
"Come on gentlemen! No cutting corners!" Mr Weed encouraged his workers.
Oscar fetched from his shorts a tenon saw and a big green triangle.
"STOP TAKING IDIOMS LITERALLY!" Teddy screamed in frustration.
Everyone started gawking at the screaming teddy bear creature and the boy with unruly hair.
"Uh... we best skedaddle..." said Teddy. H fled with Oscar.
Out on the streets outside Mr Weed's toy factory.
"Well that was blatant false advertising, we didn't find any weed..." said Oscar.
Teddy face palmed.
Plot 3
Peter did not pay attention and slept again. Various dangerous toys were sold that he should have taken off of the assembly line.
Oscar and Teddy watched the live news in a TV store that sells TVs. The TVs are all on during the store's opening hours to demonstrate they work.
"And now back to Action News 5. Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack."" said Tom Tucker, the news reporter or news anchor.
Oscar laughed. "Cooooooool!"
Teddy face palmed.
"Quite a situation we've got here, Tom." said Diane Simmons, the Co anchor.
"Quite a situation we've got here, Tom, indeed, Diane." said Tom.
"The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company of Quahog, Rhode lsland... has released highly unsafe products into the retail market." He explained the story behind the amusing headline.
"You think he's Quohog's Kent Brockman?" Oscar pondered.
"Probably a worse version of Kent Brockman..." said Teddy sighing.
"Come on, Timmy! Throw the Silly Ball!" said a fat kid with a cartoony voice playing baseball as a batter. A fire axe was thrown at him, it lodged in his bat.
Also he's voiced by Billy West ie Fry and Ren Hoek. You eeeediot voice casting directors!
Oscar laughed.
"Boy! A Pound Poochie!" said a kid shaking a box to get his toy to fall out.
However a canister of pills fell out instead.
Oscar chuckled.
Teddy frowned.
"Come on, Baby Heimlich, spit it out." A girl was was helping a doll regurgitate something.
The doll when squeezed, breathed fire!
"Awesome!' Oscar cooed.
Teddy flinched, looking very alarmed by the fire breathing doll.
At the toy factory Peter was in big trouble...
"Peter, I'm appalled." Mr Weed scolded Peter. "Your negligence has damaged this company's reputation. You're fired!"
"Fired?! Jeez. For how long?" Peter whined.
Oscar and Teddy face palmed.
...
At home. The lounge.
"God! You got fired?" Lois gasped.
"Way to go, Dad! Fight the machine!" Chris cheered.
"How do you know about the machine?" Stewie frowned.
"He took the red pill!" Oscar yelled.
Peter high fives him. "Alright! Media references!"
"Ugh... The Matrix wasn't that great..." Brian sighed.
Stewie seethed flustered by Oscar making stupid references to things.
Lois face palmed.
"Don't worry. I'll still put food on this table. Just not as much. So it might get a little competitive." said Peter.
"Coooool! Then we can resort to cannibalism!" Chris cheered in a frenzy.
Oscar winced.
"Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!" Meg sobbed into her arms.
"Meg we've spoke about this... You're beautiful enough already..." said Lois.
"Yeah we're not awful parents yet... not till the replace Lacey Chabert with Mila Kunis. Oh god! I'm dreading that!" Peter lamented.
"Also I had a conversation with a squirrel today. It was rather rude to me! It called me fat!" said Meg.
Her family gawked at her baffled.
"Okay.,." said Stewie in a dry manner.
"Sometimes I see this gift for talking to animals to be a curse..." Meg lamented.
Tmas jabbered and poked Chris with his fork.
"We get it... Lacey Chabert..." Stewie sighed.
"Can we put her out in the yard for a while?" Brian groaned pointing to Meg.
"How about we put you in the yard? You're the dog after all!" Peter snapped. "I'm not mean to Meg yet, until Mila Kunis voices her..."
Brian muttered vexed with Peter. "Whatever..."
"This is because you drank so much last night you were woozy at work!" Lois yelled at Peter.
"Aw geese! How did you work that out?" Peter groaned.
"Peter I'm not stupid..." Lois frowned at him.
...
Later Peter talks with his shoulder consciences...
"What should I do?"
"Don't worry... she'll get over it... women are easy..." said Devil Peter.
"Okay Devil guy... but I wanna hear from Angel guy... hey where's my tiny angel guy?!" asked Peter aloud at the end.
Angel Peter is stuck in a traffic jam...
"Come on, you bastard! I'm late for work." Angel Peter yelled.
That's not very polite and holy of him to be swearing like that...
"Sometimes I wish my shoulder Angel was late to work..." Oscar sulked.
Angel Oscar frowned at Oscar while floating in front of him just near his right shoulder.
At dinner. Lois glared at Peter.
"Oh great... she's still mad I got my ass canned..." Peter sighed.
"Now I know you all don't like eggplant but it's all we can afford right now that your Dad got fired..." Lois glared at Peter.
"Don't worry, I'll just go on The Apprentice..." said Peter.
"In 17 years time that orange jerk will be the worst president ever..." said Oscar...
"I think that's a somewhat accurate prediction kid." said Brian.
"Now come on... Donald was rather nice to that Home Alone kid in Home Alone 2..." said Peter.
"Eggplant?! Yuck!" Chris whined pushing his food away.
"How awful..." said Pit from Kid Icarus as an eggplant.
Oscsr laughed.
Teddy frowned at him.
"Now kids, I know the eggplant is-" A laser zapped from something, just missing Lois. "Oh my! What was that?!"
They all look at Stewie. He has a sandwich with a gun barrel sticking out of it. The gun barrel is still smoking.
"What the deuce are you staring at? It's tuna fish... and nothing else." said Stewie as the gun barrel retreated into the sandwich.
"Yeah not this time..." said Oscar frowning.
"Why does Stewie get a sandwich..." Chris whined.
Everyone gawked at Stewie.
"Oh great! This is bloody awkward..," Stewie covering his face with his palms embarrassed.