Hello again and thank you for checking out my new fanfic!

As you can read in the description, this is not going to be one long story, but a collection of ten individual tales, each set during one of the first ten episodes of season 9 and each one depicting a way to get Sheldon and Amy back together.

Some of the tales will be one-shots, others, like this first one, will consist of several parts.

I know that there are already lots of stories out there set during the break-up period. So why would you want to read ten more? I don't have an answer to that question, but even though I found these episodes extremely painful, I was always fascinated by the emotions and the vulnerability that we were shown and personally, I love reading (and writing) stories set during this time.

I will write more about what to expect from this story in my end notes. For now, I hope you will enjoy the first part of the first tale. It starts out very much the same as the original episode, but it will end very differently.

Side note: T-rating applies for now. Some of the tales will be very M-rated. The rating for the story will change accordingly.

The Love Retrieval Chronicles

Tale One - 'The Matrimonial Momentum'

Part 1 of 3

Amy

"Okay, well…this isn't easy to say because I love you, but… I need some time to take a step back and reevaluate our situation."

The last thirty-six hours had easily been the worst in Amy's life.

Which was saying a lot, coming from a woman who had once been locked into a sauna with a horny otter.

But back then, she had been used to it.

Not just to those mean pranks but to feeling alone in this world with no friend on her side.

Maybe it felt so horrible, because she knew now what it felt like to have someone. To feel loved for the first time in her life.

She had wanted to be loved for so long. And now she was. Not just by anyone, but by the most interesting, special man in the whole world.

And for a long time, this had been enough for her.

She had been able to accept his lack of interest in romance. His unwillingness to move forward in their relationship. His obsession with comic books and science fiction and the fact that everything else took precedence over spending time with her.

It was okay, because she could revel in the knowledge that Sheldon Cooper had chosen her. That he loved her.

She would always love him too, she knew that much. She loved his brilliant mind and his honesty. His passion for his many interests. His innocence and his humor.

And most of all, she loved that, of all the people she had ever met, he had been the first to see her as more than just a pathetic, boring loser without friends. He had given her a chance. Not out of pity, but because he had found her interesting from the beginning.

He had given her companionship. Respect. And then love.

She would always be grateful to him for letting her experience so much.

But still… did she not have a right to want more? Was it wrong to feel like she deserved more?

It was ironic. Sheldon had given her the courage and strength to grow as a person in the first place. To open herself up to new experiences. To make friends. To fall in love. To believe in the possibility of a life where she could have so much.

And now – thanks to him – she may have arrived at a point in her life, where he and everything he represented might not be enough for her anymore.

Which was a horrible thought. She wanted Sheldon to be enough for her. Because she wanted him. Forever. With all her heart and soul. And in her heart, she knew she would never love anyone the way she loved him.

And yet… she found herself at an impasse. Because no matter how much she loved Sheldon, she didn't know if she was able to go on like this for much longer.

She felt torn. Between her love for Sheldon and her frustration. Between her guilt for feeling frustrated with him in the first place and the little voice in her head that told her it was justified.

Two nights in a row, Amy did not sleep for more than a few minutes.

Coming home from their five-year-anniversary, she had been too upset to sleep. Too angry and disappointed. Mad at herself for letting herself believe that this night meant something to Sheldon. For thinking it was about more to him than just fulfilling a contractual obligation.

Hadn't they come so far already?

Was it really too much to ask, to have one night where Sheldon's focus would be on her? On them and their relationship?

Would it always be like this? Would she always feel like this?

As if she was asking too much? Wanting too much?

She knew Sheldon loved her too. She did.

But maybe she had to accept that his kind of love was not what she needed anymore.

Why did he have to ruin their anniversary?

She had given him five years already. Couldn't he at least try to make her feel important? Cherished? Maybe even desired?

Hot tears had assembled in the corner of her eyes as she replayed their date in her head.

It was so rare that she got to kiss Sheldon the way she did that night. But to know he wasn't even thinking of her while they were at it?

As if it was just another activity to check off his list.

Buy laundry detergent - check. Go on a date with Amy - check. Make out with Amy - check. Adjust TV schedule - check.

All day yesterday, she had tried to figure out where to go from there.

Would she be able to just suck it up and keep going on like this? Just as she always did?

It did not feel right this time.

Because yes, she loved Sheldon, but she did not love the idea of even more years of craving and yearning. Of watching their friends get engaged, married, move in together.

Slowly, her mood had shifted. From being upset to feeling sad.

It was no longer possible to hold on to the illusion that Sheldon would wake up one day and decide he wanted these things with her.

The fantasies she had of him… maybe they weren't supposed to be more than just fantasies.

And maybe it was finally time to decide if she needed all these things more than she needed Sheldon.

And so, twenty-four hours after their botched date, she had come to the conclusion that she needed to take a step back.

To reevaluate. To try and decide how much more she could give with only receiving so little in return.

After gathering all her strength, she had forced herself to finally answer one Sheldon's calls.

She had wanted to tell him to keep his distance and let her think for a while. And then she had wanted to hang up and do just that. Think about how she wanted to proceed.

However, she found herself unable to focus on that.

Not just because she was tired or sad or heartbroken.

But mostly because of what he had said to her before she had interrupted him.

"Listen, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be, and I think..."

She had not wanted to hear the rest of this sentence. For once, she had wanted Sheldon to listen to her instead.

Which had been a mistake. Because now, after one more sleepless night, his words were haunting her.

He had been thinking a lot about relationships? About their relationship?

How difficult they were? Did he mean… that it was difficult for him to be with her?

He had also disagreed with her when she had reminded him how patient she had been with him. Did he really not see it?

In her mind, she tried to finish his statement.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be, and I think this is all too much for me. You are asking too much of me. I never wanted any of this. I will never want it. So, I move our relationship be terminated immediately.

No, this did not make sense. He would have ended the call and sent her a "relationship terminated" E-Mail right away. He would have certainly not wasted his time listening to her asking him for time.

But even the alternative did not sound so good.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be. And I think you overreacted last night. You know I never wanted a romantic relationship, so why can't you ever just be content with what I am willing to give to you? I think, by now you've had enough time to figure out how wrong you are, so let's please just move on from this ridiculous argument. And guess what, it's your lucky day. Leonard and Penny are in Las Vegas, which means you get to drive me to the dentist tomorrow.

Yes. That sounded more like her boyfriend. He did not want her. But he needed her. Not out of passion. But out of convenience. Because she had become part of his routine. Of his support system.

Of course, there was the faint possibility that he wanted to say something entirely different. Maybe he really had been thinking. And maybe his words would have changed everything.

Amy squeezed her eyes shut.

It did not matter. She couldn't do this. She couldn't imagine all the right things he could have said, that maybe would have made her reconsider and not ask him for a break.

She needed to clear her head and think.

Her phone rang.

A small part of her hoped it was Sheldon. So, she felt just as much disappointment as relief, when she saw Bernadette's name.

"Hey Amy! Have you heard? Leonard and Penny are livestreaming their wedding. Howie and I thought we could have a watch-party at our place. Do you want to come?"

Amy felt like being punched in the gut.

Right. There was a wedding today. For a few minutes, she had almost forgotten about it.

Leonard and Penny's wedding.

Unbelievable.

She was happy for her best friend. She really was.

Even though she felt that it should have been her turn.

Who would have ever thought Leonard and Penny of all people would be getting married next?

After all the back and forth and on and off. The almost-break-ups, the real break-ups. The drama, the doubts, the jealousy.

And now, they were getting married.

And what about her and Sheldon? They had scored an 8.2 on the Relationship Closeness Inventory test. They had been together for five years. Neither of them had ever seriously wanted to be with anyone else. They had always had each other's back and stayed true to the other. And now… they were probably about to become nothing at all.

It hurt.

"Thanks, Bernie, but I don't really feel like it today."

"Oh, you poor thing, you sound all choked up. Are you sick? I can send you a care package, directly from my lab."

"No. Nothing like that.", Amy said quickly and sat up in bed. "Just… I am not in the mood to… see Sheldon today."

There was a sigh on the other line.

"Did you two get into a fight? What has he done now?"

"It's a long story.", Amy mumbled. "And… we didn't just have a fight. We… we…", she could barely say it, tears streaming down her cheeks already. "We might be breaking up."

"Amy! Oh no, I am so sorry."

"Thanks."

There was a long pause.

"I hate the thought of you being all alone in your apartment, Amy. Please, just come over. I'll tell Howard not to invite Sheldon. We're going to watch the wedding and then you and I can share a bottle of wine and trash-talk that jerk."

Amy's heart hurt deeply at these words.

She did not want to trash-talk Sheldon.

She wanted to go back to their five-year anniversary date. To kiss him again. And then for him to not ask this stupid question. Or have it followed by a 'Bazinga, of course I am thinking of you, silly. Don't you know I always think of you?'

And then, they could have laughed about it together and kissed some more.

But Sheldon did not think of her. Not the way she thought of him.

Maybe it was stupid to be lying here in bed pining for Sheldon, when he was probably watching some stupid show, without wasting a single thought on her.

"You know, I think you're right.", she agreed. "I could use the distraction. Just… promise to make sure he won't be there."

A part of her was screaming at herself, how selfish it was to keep Sheldon from watching the wedding at their friends' house. After all, they had been his friends first.

But then again, had Sheldon and Howard ever truly been friends? Wasn't she much closer to Bernadette than those guys had ever been?

Also, maybe, it was her turn to be the selfish one in this relationship.

So what if Sheldon had to feel loneliness for a change. So what if he was the one to watch the wedding by himself, all alone in his apartment.

It served him right.

And so, Amy got up and took a shower. She froze, as she looked into the mirror and saw the dark shadows under her eyes, reminding her of the nightmare she was currently living.

Yes. She deserved to be selfish. To do everything to feel better. She had to prioritize herself in this.

As she opened her apartment door, she was almost hopeful that this day with her friends could help her see the world a little more clearly again when…

"Hello."

"Oh!", she walked backwards to her apartment door, her first instinct telling her to flee. "What are you doing here?"

Sheldon

What are you doing here?

What a way to be greeted by one's girlfriend.

As if she didn't know exactly what he was doing here.

"When last we spoke, you said you needed time.", he pointed out.

"Well, it's only been eleven hours."

He did not like this. Amy was making her yelly-face again. Also, she was in fact yelling at him. Again.

Only eleven hours? Was she serious?

It had been eleven horrible hours. Each of the 660 minutes more torturing than the other. 39600 seconds of confusion and… excruciating pain in his heart and soul.

He hadn't been able to sleep. Or eat.

He had tried to distract himself by reading his favorite science journal. But the words had vanished in front of his eyes and all there was left was Amy's face.

Amy's yelly-face.

Pulling away from their kiss, just when he had started to really enjoy himself.

Saying all these mean things before storming off.

And then – that was even worse – it had turned into her sad face. The face he had seen when he had finally been able to reach her over Skype. Just before she had broken off their relationship.

Or… not broken it off. But announced her intention to… reevaluate. And consider breaking up with him.

Only eleven hours?

Amy was a quick thinker. He had watched her do research so efficiently. She was able to push out the most amazing papers in mere hours.

This was a simple yes or no question. So, what did she, one of the most brilliant minds on the planet, have to think about for so long?

Didn't she realize what this uncertainty was doing to him? Or did she just not care anymore?

Unless… was "I need time to reevaluate" really just code for "I'm breaking up with you"?

It had to be. If they were still together, she wouldn't be this angry with him for showing up at her place after giving her almost endless time to think.

"Sheldon, when I'm ready to talk, I'll let you know."

Oh.

Oh good, so she was still planning on talking to him.

So, they were indeed still together.

What a relief.

"Boy, I'm glad we're going out again."

"We're not back together."

Again, with the yelly-face.

Could this get any more confusing?

Which was it now? Were they together or not? Had they broken up or were they still talking about it.

She was supposed to be thinking. But now she was headed somewhere.

What was going on? What were the rules here? Were they officially on a break?

Was there a deeper reason for it?

Oh no… his blood started to boil. He wasn't one to watch silly TV-shows, but even he knew the iconic phrase "We were on a break". He knew what it meant.

"Why? Is there someone else? You just couldn't wait to get that first notch on your bedpost."

She was going to Howard and Bernadette's house to watch a wedding. Taking another guy with her?

"There is no guy."

No, apparently not with another guy. But not with him either.

It made no sense at all. Nothing did.

The social group he considered himself part of was getting together to watch the wedding of his two best friends in the world. And they had invited his "maybe or maybe not ex"-girlfriend to watch it. But not him.

He did not know how to feel about it. About any of this.

He didn't really care about getting together at Howard's house. In an ideal world, he and Amy would be watching the wedding together at his place.

Maybe seeing his friends get married would finally give him the courage to breach a certain subject with his girlfriend. A subject that would… bring on another paradigm-shift in their relationship.

He hadn't really been sure if it was already the right time to ask her. Things between him and Amy always had been going a bit faster than he would have liked and this... development... would certainly lead to even more profound changes.

But then again, the thought of her wearing his ring and them starting a life together did elicit some unexpected feelings in him.

Feelings he had been trying to familiarize himself with.

But now… now everything was in shambles. And the question "should we get married or not" had turned into "should we be breaking up or not".

"Sheldon."

Her annoyed voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

He hadn't even realized they had already reached her car.

"Yes? Uhm…", he cleared his throat.

This was all wrong. Most of all, the way Amy was still looking at him. Without a smile or a sparkle in her eyes. Not even with anger or sadness anymore.

But with the same look other people tended give him. The look he liked to call the "You annoy me, please just go away"-look. He was confronted with this look quite often. But never by Amy.

"I'm running late. If you insist on tagging along, fine, I'll deal with it. So, be quick. Are you getting in or not?"

Well, that depends, Amy. Are you still in or not?

It hurt so bad. And for one second, Sheldon Cooper saw clearly. Well as clearly as it was possible in his sleep-deprived state.

There was no point in getting into Amy's car and trying to spend time with her.

He would be miserable at Howard's house. In the same room with Amy but with this distance between them. The thought was making him anxious already.

Nothing good would come of this endeavor, so he might as well just leave, as hard as it was.

It was almost unbelievable, but it seemed that Amy truly wasn't happy to see him today.

Finally, realization kicked in. This wasn't just a mood swing. Amy was serious about this. She was really considering not being his girlfriend anymore.

Maybe for the first time, his presence seemed to only make her mad. And if he wanted her to stay in this relationshp, then making her mad was maybe not the wisest thing to do.

"No.", he rasped, his eyes suddenly filling with tears. Which was embarrassing. "I think… I'd better get home. I don't want to bother you. Enjoy watching the wedding with your friends, Amy. And let me know when you are ready to talk."

Her expression changed again. Now it was similar to how she had looked at him when he had shown up at her apartment with mutton in coconut milk. When she had told him he wasn't a weirdo.

If only he knew what that meant.

"Sheldon, they are your friends too.", she said softly. "I'm sorry. It was selfish of me, not wanting you there. No matter what happens between us, we will be part of the same friend group. So, hop in. Please."

His fingers started shaking.

He wanted to hop in and come with her to wherever she was going. But his decision had been made.

"They did not invite me.", he argued, trying to blink away the tears. "And… you didn't either. I am not wanted there. And… quite frankly, I don't really want to be there anyway."

It was the truth. He realized that as he spoke.

"But Sheldon…"

"No, Amy. I don't want to be there.", he repeated, a bit firmer this time. "I cannot be watching a wedding today. Especially not this one."

He thought about the irony.

The four of them had spent so much time together lately. Game nights and movie at his apartment. Double dates.

How often had he watched them and gloated, sometimes inwardly, sometimes not, because his relationship with Amy was so much more successful than theirs?

Also, technically, Leonard and Penny hadn't even been in a stable relationship as long as he and Amy had. It was highly illogical for them to get married first.

He shook his head.

"I cannot… watch them get married, Amy. Not when maybe you and I aren't together anymore."

"Sheldon…"

Amy took a step closer to him, reaching out with her hand.

He stepped away quickly. If she touched him now, he would surely burst into tears.

"No, Amy. Please, just go. I should never have come here. I… I need to get back home. Where things still… make sense."

"Sheldon, I'm so sorry.", she said, also with tears in her eyes now. "This whole situation just… sucks. But… I… I just… need time."

Time. Again with this word.

"How much?", he whispered. "How much time? Because this… not knowing… is driving me insane."

Now there it was again. Her sad face.

"I don't know how much time I need.", she whispered back. "I'm sorry."

How can you not know? A woman with your intellect? Are you kidding me?

How could she think of throwing the last five years away just like that?

He wanted to yell at her.

Tell her how crazy she was. Tell her she should hurry and just make up her mind already.

Hadn't she always talked about wanting children with him? Her eggs had a sell-by date, didn't she realize that?

He wanted to scream this in her face. Maybe he should. Maybe then she would come to her senses.

But instead, he said nothing. Because no matter what he said, it would not make a difference.

He had to go home alone and wait for her to make up her mind. As much as he hated it, there was nothing else he could do.

"Do you want me to drive you home then?"

She almost looked like herself again. The Amy he knew and loved. The one with the gentle eyes who wanted him to feel better.

He couldn't stand it.

And he couldn't bear being close to her for even one more second.

"No. I think… I need the fresh air.", he breathed out, then turned around and left as quickly as he could.

So, I hope you liked this first part. I will try to post weekly-ish, but I hope you understand that, for now, I will not be sticking to a schedule. As I am posting ten individual stories in this collection, there might be longer breaks along the way, but at least the first chapters should be ready soon.

Maybe some of you are disappointed that I am not posting another big AU-project or at least the additional stories set in the "As it is in Heaven"-universe that I have promised you for a long time. I really wanted to, but due to the busy time I've been having, I just couldn't focus on an alternative universe.

Still, I was craving to spend a little time in Shamy-world. Rewatching these episodes sparked something in me, and my mind kept wandering to different what-if scenarios whenever I had time to myself. In a way, I am writing this project for myself just as much as for all of you, so I hope you will enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.

The ten tales are all outlined and some of them are written. I will probably not be posting all of them in chronological order but start with the ones I have already finished.

Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you think!