AUTHOR'S NOTE: Only 2/3 more chapters left! (still deciding on pacing lol)

I can't believe I've been consistently writing this story for 2 months now. Realistically it should have taken me a lot less but I'm a very slow writer lol. Part of me feels bittersweet that this is ending so soon, because I think I've changed a lot as a writer throughout the duration of this fic and also because I'll miss reading all your guys' lovely comments. The other part feels excited however, because I've been thinking of a concept for a Chanoey fic that I'm really excited to write! Although, I might get some Mondler oneshots out before I attempt to do another long-running multi-chapter fic again (these are so much more exhausting than I expected... )

Since there's only a couple more left I'll just be updating whenever the chapters are done, rather than wait the full week.

"So…you're done now?" Joey inquired.

"Yep." Chandler said without a hint of enthusiasm. "We finally finished up the project, and now, I'm all yours."

One of the very, very few perks that came with Chandler's job was that it was so boring, it required little to no explanation before everyone lost interest. Realising he had a lot to explain about his lack of social interaction the past month, he simply told all his friends that his company gave him a highly confidential project that he needed to sign a non-disclosure agreement for that took up a lot of his time due to "the WENUS projecting a negative net income for the affected clients who–" and by then, everyone was content with his answer. God bless corporate America for granting him a job where Chandler could say as much nonsense as he wants and everyone will believe it's real.

Joey sat on the barcalounger, his knee moving left and right to keep him in a perpetual state of motion. "And you're sure there's nothin' else going on?"

"Joe, you really think I wouldn't tell you if something was bothering me?" Chandler said, the ground beneath him burning his feet as he inched closer to Hell.

His roommate looked unsure. You can't just continuously ghost your friend for weeks, then expect everything to be completely okay once you made your return, especially while still dodging questions about what exactly you had been up to. On the other hand, this was his best friend, Chandler, so he knew he couldn't be upset for too long.

Joey jumped up from his chair and shook Chandler's hand, smiling for the first time in what felt like a while. "Glad to have ya back!"

Chandler laughed nervously. It's not like he made some sort of official departure from his friends– he's honestly shocked they even noticed he was gone so often. His first assumption was that if he ever came back from his supposed hiatus, their only reaction would be "It did feel a little sunnier than usual."

As awful as it sounds, it felt so validating anytime he'd spend time with only one or two of his friends at a time and they'd go on and on about how "we miss you, why don't we see you as often?" because it meant he actually left some sort of impact. There was no way his disgusting self-hating brain could twist this into something bad; his friends genuinely missed his presence. The longer he was gone, the more they seemed to appreciate him. He should have done this little experiment a long time ago.

And now he's back to hanging out with all five of us friends at once, and the transition is so seamless it almost feels nothing changed. Almost doing a lot of heavy-lifting here, because everytime he sees Monica, he feels like ripping his skin off and jumping into a tub of soap. Or something more graphic. He's too tired to think of a better metaphor.

It was going to happen eventually. The whole point of their arrangement was that it was temporary; nothing more than a time-killer. He just didn't expect it to end this way. It was supposed to be that he– or more realistically Monica, but preferably he– finds a date and the need for mindless sex would cease to exist. Except, it came to an end because Chandler became too needy and Monica couldn't bother to deal with it. Who would have thought.

As much as he tried to deny it, there was a reason for everything that occurred these past couple months; why he tried so hard to stay away from her; why he kept coming back to her regardless; why, now, he's struggling to find a reason to keep a smile on his face; Chandler loves Monica. He can finally hear the thought clearly in his head, but it doesn't feel any better to acknowledge it.

His mind keeps replaying their dreaded conversations like a broken record. He poured his whole heart out for her, and she says he's just confused? How would she know!? She doesn't know the first thing about how Chandler feels! Maybe he does love her! Maybe he should have actually said that. Chandler did leave things pretty vague– but Monica was smart, she picked up on it, she was just being usual Kind Monica who didn't want to hurt Chandler's feelings. She told him he was just confused so that she wouldn't have to reject him out loud. Message received.

So where does this put Chandler? Having just "broken up" with a girl he was never really seeing in the first place, fully convinced that he didn't like her only to soon realise he was madly in love, and once he did, she finally decided to break it off because she hates him. Well, maybe she doesn't hate him, but she certainly doesn't love him. He can live with that.

"Earth to Chandler?" Joey waved his hand right in front of Chandler's face.

Crap. He needs to stop doing that. Staring off into space and thinking about how much you hate your life wasn't the greatest way of convincing people you were fine.

"I'm fine!"

Hopefully that was.

"Soo? Whaddya think?"

"...about what?"

Joey sighed. "About tonight! Me, you, Ross? All three of us hit a bar so you can end your weird sex-strike? I haven't seen you get laid in months."

"I'd really hope you're not seeing me get laid at all." Chandler strolled over to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. "Besides, what if I don't want to end my sex-strike? I think I'm starting to like this abstinence-thing. Feeling enlightened already."

"Well, whatever that means, I just think it's weird that you haven't even tried dating someone new since you broke up with Cassidy–"

"Carrie."

"Does it matter?"

Chandler shook his head. "How do you know I haven't been trying? What if I'm just failing miserably?"

Joey walked into the kitchen and took Chandler's glass, taking a swig and marking it as his own. "Because, even you would have brought home at least one girl by now."

"You flatter me."

"You don't give me much to work with, pal." Joey patted Chandler's shoulder.

Something in him wants to tell Joey that he'd been secretly fooling around with a girl for months. Not to appease the mind-numbing guilt, but to brag. He knew Joey would feel so proud of his friend being able to pull off such a scandalous relationship, and for so long– but he can't say anything. He doesn't really want to, even though he does; Chandler really doesn't know what he wants. Oh God, was Monica right?

He can't use the "I'm still recovering from the last girl" excuse because while it had only been 48 hours for Chandler, it had been months for everyone else.

"We don't have to go to a bar if you don't wanna, we can do something else." Joey finished his glass and set it down back onto the counter, close to Chandler so he could refill it for him. "We can see if the girls are plannin' something, make it a whole-group kinda night."

"What if we just stayed home? Would it kill you to not do something for just a couple hours?"

Joey, the king of laziness, was offended by this challenge to his sloth. "What are you, forty? Come on! Let's just go across the hall! Talk to our friends! Or is that too wild for ya?"

With how emotionally exhausted Chandler was, it actually might be too wild.

"Fine."

The walk to apartment 20 was incredibly short, barely even a walk, but it felt like forever to Chandler. He knows he can't avoid Monica forever because doing that has only caused more problems for him, but he might just die of embarrassment if he sees her again. His life was an endless cycle of being afraid to see Monica– if the pattern persists, however, he might end the week with having sex with her again. Although, Monica really sounded like she meant it when she said things were over. Chandler wishes the building would collapse and immediately crush him to pieces.

Entering the girls apartment, all three of their female friends were gathered and in the middle of conversation. With the three of them sitting on the couch and seemingly very focused on whatever they were talking about, none of the girls noticed the boys' arrival. Joey gave Chandler a look suggesting they play a very funny and totally not over-done prank.

"So, what made you suddenly change your mind?" asked Rachel, leaning closer to Monica, who sat sandwiched between her and Phoebe.

"I just figured you were right! That's all!"

"About what? Right about what?" Phoebe inquired in an almost whiney voice. She was always the last to find out about things. It wasn't something he felt comfortable bringing up, but Chandler was always curious if Phoebe ever felt left out considering her two girl friends were roommates and spent significantly more time together. To be fair, he and Joey probably put Ross in a similar predicament, but he at least had the advantage of knowing Chandler for longer; with Phoebe, she was up against two girls who knew each other their whole lives. You can't beat that. But another thing to consider was that Phoebe likely wasn't as insecure with her friendships as Chandler was– if he was put in her situation, he'd be handling it a whole lot worse.

"I told Monica she needed someone to satisfy her 'cuz she hasn't gone on a date since she broke up with what's-his-name!" Rachel explained. Even if Chandler was doubtful of his friendships, he was at least grateful to be surrounded by people who were so determined to fix others' love lives. Actually, he wasn't sure if that was a very good thing. "But that was forever ago, why change your mind now?"

He could only see her from behind, but he could imagine Monica doing the same thing she does whenever she doesn't know how to answer a question; bite her lip, pick at her nail polish, unknowingly furrow her brows– or she could very likely be sitting there with a big, gleeful smile, because she no longer had the burden of a clingy sexually-deprived loser in her bed.

"I've just been doing some thinking, and…I don't know, it's about time I actually got back out there." She explained, sinking deeper into the couch and out of Chandler's sight. Every time he sees her, he asks himself why he never realised sooner how infatuated he was with her.

Rachel clicked her tongue, and leaned back into her cushion. "I can't even imagine how you've gone this long without sex."

"Oh, well she's obviously been…y'know," Phoebe said before making an obscene hand gesture that Joey couldn't get his eyes off of. Speaking of Joey, he had already successfully tiptoed right up to the couch completely unnoticed, but Chandler was still stuck at the door; he couldn't bring himself to move. He knows what the girls are talking about and he doesn't like it, but there's not much he can do until he hears vocal confirmation.

Joey couldn't hold back his chuckle, bringing out a screech from Rachel after hearing his sudden laughter right behind her ears. Monica was startled too– more likely from Rachel's hellish scream than anything else. Phoebe was entirely unphased.

"How long have you been here!?" Rachel demanded to know.

"I dunno, an hour?" Joey kidded. "Come on, Rach, you've got to be more alert! What if I was an intruder?"

"There's no 'what if' about that." Monica replied. She got up from the couch and there she saw Chandler, standing several feet behind his roommate. "Looks like your henchman isn't aware of your little plan."

Joey whipped his head around, not realising his little duckling wasn't following closely behind, and gave a disappointed look to Chandler for ruining his prank– but were two jumpscares really any scarier than one?

He jumped onto the arm of the couch next to Phoebe, leaving Chandler to sit alone on the armchair.

"So, what are you girls talkin' about? What's Monica been doing?" Joey asked eagerly, never wanting to be left out of their confidential girl-talk. It didn't matter too much if they didn't tell him now, because Phoebe was just going to fill him in later.

Monica let out a sigh and ran her hands through her face, tired of her sex life being the number one conversation topic as of late. "Nothing. I've been doing nothing."

"And that's the problem! Which ends today!" Rachel exclaimed happily.

Monica protested, "Not today! Maybe later this week, but not today."

Joey jolted his head between the back and forth, still unsure of what they were talking about. Monica took notice and, unfortunately, confirmed Chandler's fears.

"Rachel gave me this guy's number and I'm thinking of giving him a call– but I only intend on going out with him once!" She turned and pointed authoritatively at Rachel, "-there's no guarantee I'll like him."

Despite how dismissive Monica still sounded about the idea, Rachel squealed in celebration. "Of course not, because you're going to love him!"

Chandler's stomach twisted into knots. Obviously Chandler knew that Monica was going to move on, but this quick? Just a day after she ended things? She was such a hypocrite. Complaining to Chandler about how much it hurts for him to think about other girls after their first night of sex, just to do the same thing. Crying about how she didn't want him to leave her, only to leave him. Seeing how obsessed Chandler was with her and chalking up his feelings to be a confused little kid crushing on the babysitter. Monica was so cruel; and even with all these bitter feelings he felt, he was still in love with her, that part couldn't be changed. He hates how he curls around her finger with such ease.

He couldn't have been doing a good job hiding his jealousy, because Rachel extended her hand onto his shoulder. "And don't worry, Chandler, we'll find a lovely girl just for you!"

"Will she have two arms and legs?"

Phoebe clicked her tongue, mentally crossing off one of the matches she had picked out.

He paid a quick habitual glance towards Monica, but this time, she was already looking back at him. Her face filled with what looked like fear to him– clearly he wasn't supposed to be part of this conversation. It makes him wonder how long she'd wait to tell Chandler about this date.

"I think that's enough of that. Is anyone hungry?" She attempted to change the subject.

"No no, I wanna know who this guy is!" Phoebe exclaimed. "What's he like? Is he rich? Is he hot? Is he a professional chef looking for a new spicy recipe, only to find fiery passion in his scandalous affair with his rival?"

Everyone looked at her completely bewildered. Joey pondered while looking around the ceiling, before snapping his fingers and exclaiming, "Secrets Of The Spice Cabinet!"

"Yes!"

Chandler winced at the reference to one of his mother's erotic novels. He really didn't want to question whether these two had actually read it.

"Okay, um…ignoring that," Rachel settled back into her seat, holding Monica close to her like a mother arranging her daughter's wedding– which at this pace, she might as well, "He's perfect for Monica. He's an assistant buyer where I work, and he's just the sweetest guy ever! Very cute, I may add-"

"Woah there, Rach, you've got a boyfriend." Joey interrupted her endless stream of praise in defence of his absent best friend.

She simply rolled her eyes. "And the best thing? He's absolutely in love with Monica."

"That can't be true." Monica said, "He doesn't even know me."

"Maybe he's just confused." Chandler muttered under his breath absentmindedly. Quickly came in the sea of regret when he realised his reflexual sourness was in fact loud enough for everyone to hear.

"About what?" Stupid, curious Joey just had to ask. Monica seemed especially curious too.

"He probably just doesn't know any better," his mouth keeps moving independently from his brain, "How could you love someone you barely know?"

Monica nodded in agreement, but hesitantly– slowly treading unknown territory she's not sure she should be in. Chandler finally shut himself up before just saying the words 'I hate Monica' outloud, but his eyes were still locked with Monica's. Wow, he was doing a great job at this nonchalant thing.

How could you love someone you barely know? Chandler has known Monica for nearly a decade. He's seen her at her best and her worst. They've shared secrets between only them and God. She's worn his clothes, he's worn her lipstick, they've worn eachother's scent; but of course, Chandler couldn't be sure of how he felt towards Monica because he barely knew her. It's one thing to be flat out rejected, it's another to have your affection be reduced to nothing more than a silly crush.

Rachel could definitely feel some sort of the unspoken words in the air as she switched her attention between her two friends, before thinking out loud to herself, "Y'know, sometimes when I talk to you guys, it feels like I've missed chapters and chapters of just…things."

"Mhm!" Phoebe agreed, before Rachel whipped her head to the nodding girl,

"And you're the biggest culprit, blondie."

Phoebe wagged her finger. "Nuh-uh, these two have stories you'd never believe." On her face came a big, conniving grin.

What the hell is she trying to do? Was it simply Phoebe's life mission to make Chandler's life more difficult than it already was? From what he knew, Phoebe was still far from the truth– but in the event that she had somehow cracked the case in recent time, well…he'd really have no other option than suicide.

"See? This is what I'm talking about– what could that possibly mean?" asked a frustrated Rachel.

"Well, wouldn't you like to say for yourselves?" Phoebe held out her hands and opened the floor to the two secret-keepers of the century. Joey and Rachel both looked to their respective roommates expectantly, waiting for their response. Confirmed: Phoebe is a demon sent from Hell, finally punishing Chandler after his years of sin. It all had to come to an end eventually.

"Ugh, fine, if you two won't, I will." Phoebe sighed. Chandler watched Monica almost jump in her seat, but came to a halt once the blonde continued speaking. "Did you know Monica once walked in on Chandler changing? She saw a lot of things– or well, a thing. A big thing."

She giggled, and Chandler felt a conflicting mix of relief and intense embarrassment, causing his skin to blush into a deep red. He couldn't believe Monica told her about that– but he's just grateful Phoebe decided not to expose their on-and-off conflict. He couldn't be too thankful though, Phoebe was still an evil woman deriving pleasure from embarrassing her friends and dancing around blackmail. When does this torture end?

"What!? Why did you tell her and not me?" Rachel complained, shoving Monica out of their embrace. Phoebe made an offended noise.

"I didn't tell her!" Monica defended, "Well, not like that, I never used the word 'big'!"

Because that was obviously the problem with all of this.

"Right right, you said it was teeny-tiny." Phoebe said in an annoying stupid awful high-pitched ear-bleeding horrible voice. Why does he even hang out with these people?

Chandler, who's hands had been glued to his face as he tried to hide from the world's worst conversation, peaked slightly between his fingers to gauge Joey's reaction. Surprisingly, he wasn't crying from laughter. He actually looked a bit sympathetic.

"Okay, okay, let's pipe down." Joey attempted to steer everyone away from the shameful topic. "Chandler's been through enough this month."

Make that this lifetime.

Rachel grabbed Chandler's hand to read his watch, before letting out a sound of surprise. "Oh God! I was supposed to meet Ross twenty minutes ago! He wants to take me to some excavation-tour-thing." She looked down at her clothes– still in the pyjamas she wore to bed the night before– then frantically went back to all her friends. "Do you think I have time to get ready?"

"You're already late, does it matter?" pointed out Chandler. Rachel nodded, and hurried up to get changed into a pair of nicer clothes for her…Chandler naturally assumed it'd be a date, but to an excavation tour? There's nothing very romantic about Australopithecus afarensis.

As she watched her leave, Phoebe took that as a cue for her own departure. She stood and dusted her hands on her skirt. "Alright, I have a protest I need to go to."

Chandler folded his legs, finally getting comfortable in his seat. "Dare I ask for context?"

"Well, this retail store is selling a new line of fur coats, so I'm going to stand outside the store and demand they discontinue it. We can't let more animals be hurt!" She cried out.

"But…aren't the animals already dead?" Joey asked. Fair point. Not much can be done now if the coats are already made.

"It's about sending a message!" Phoebe enthused, making her way to the purple door. "And maybe a couple of bricks to their windows."

It was Monica's turn to question Phoebe's shenanigans. "Wait, what store is this?"

"I don't know, one of your unethical clothing companies. They're all the same and completely evil."

"Phoebe, if it's not a luxury brand, then it's definitely not real fur."

"Ugh, messages, people! Messages!" The blonde stressed.

"Are there gonna be other people too?" Joey raised his hand like a student in class, which given the amount of questions this crowd had, there definitely needed to be some sort of system in place to keep order.

"Lots– hey, come with me Joey! We need a pretty face like yours." Phoebe winked.

Joey looked around the room, as if awaiting permission from his pseudo-parents, before shrugging and joining Phoebe at the door. They waved farewell and left the apartment.

And then there were two.

Were they usually alone together this much before this whole mess started? Or is God setting something up for him? Either a date, or extreme punishment.

Monica kept her eyes low, a shy smile forming on her face. "I'm sorry if this is kind of weird for you. You weren't supposed to hear all that."

"Weird? Who says it's weird? This is the most unweird I've ever felt in my life." said stupid weird Chandler and his stupid weird mouth that just won't quit. His head hung low, which did a great job at hiding how much he wanted to jump off the balcony.

But it's nice to know she's thinking about his feelings– even after she just obliterated his heart into teeny, tiny pieces.

"So…did you ever end up talking to Elaine?"

If this was Monica's idea of small talk, it was a horrible one.

"No." He lied. There was no way he'd tell her he threw away her number after sleeping with Monica again– that's simply too embarrassing considering this new dynamic they have.

"I think you should."

He looked up at her blankly. "You do?"

"It'd be good for us." She said quietly. "To move on."

Chandler didn't say anything– he waited for her to laugh out loud and say she was kidding, maybe kiss him on the lips and confess her love, or something along those lines. But she was entirely serious. She wanted him to go out with Elaine.

"So…you're suggesting…that I go out with this girl, as nothing more than a distraction? To move on from the last? Am I the only one getting deja vu?"

His words came out a lot more bitter than intended, but he deserved to be a little peeved. Monica's permission came really, really late.

She frowned. "I know, I know, it's ironic. But that was– this is– it's different. I really think you should."

"And you mean it this time?"

"Absolutely."

"And you're not gonna get secretly mad and avoid me for a week?"

"Only if you do."

This wasn't a very fun game. She has to know how unfair this was. She has to know it's not nice to shove it in his face that she was finding someone new, or that it isn't that easy to just "move on". Was this her payback? Feeding him his own medicine? Monica's no stranger to long grudges and plans of revenge– it's how he lost his pinky toe. Maybe all their intimate nights were just one big ploy to get back at him for the very first time he ran away.

Or maybe she was just trying to be nice, and it was Chandler that was unable to accept that he has unrequited feelings.

"I'll try that." He heard himself say.

Finally, she smiled again. "You should be more excited. You said she's really pretty, right?"

"But she'd never be into me." He lied again.

"I can't see who wouldn't."

It's things like that that set his skin on fire. What did that mean when coming from his completely platonic friend who had no feelings for him? Just how innocent are her words now that they've gone all the way? Chandler can't remember the last time he didn't have a thousand questions burning in his mind.

"I think I can name someone." He said, and before Monica could react explicitly, he quickly followed up with "Judy Thomas in the 4th grade wasn't a fan of my Valentines Day poems."

She chuckled, probably out of relief. Rachel came rushing out of her room elegantly dressed and running for the door, giving a hurried goodbye to each of her friends before leaving the apartment.

Chandler decided to turn the conversation around. "So, you excited for your date with the Ken doll?"

Her expression looked uncomfortable. "Very."

It must be difficult talking about dating with your ex-lover. Lover? Was that the right word? They should just make a new title for people you regularly have sex with and confide in and are completely in love with; they should call that a Chandler.

"I don't think we'll get very far though." She said.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, there's not much I can do with a smooth, plastic crotch."

The two giggled, but the joke wasn't very funny anymore when Chandler remembered this was a real date she was really going to go on.

He clapped his hands before getting up from the couch. "I've got some errands to run, so I'll leave you alone. You can do the thing Phoebe was talking about if you need to."

She rolled her eyes and hit him with one of the throw pillows. "You're so gross!"

"And goodbye to you, too." He said, running away from her murderous grasp and leaving the apartment.

There was only one way to get over these feelings– it's to do the same thing he's always done. Sink his teeth into the next girl that's willing to sleep with him and ride the wave until she inevitably gets tired of him. This miserable dance is what kept Chandler running up until now, and it's what will keep him safe from here on out. He got too comfortable; let his guard down. With Monica, he figured it'd be okay to become vulnerable and let her take care of him– but he knew better now. These serious relationships could only ever end in failure and heartbreak, so instead, he'll settle for meaningless sex for the rest of his life. It's all he deserved. If Monica couldn't put up with him, there's no way any other woman could.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fic feels like a ping-pong battle between the two biggest victims ever. I hope I haven't made their relationship feel *too* toxic... oh well, they'll be fine soon enough

Thanks again to everyone who's been reading!