It was almost a week later when Metal made his next appearance at the Bulkhead. He told the guys he was busy training with the rest of Alpha, but truth be told he was avoiding Trent.

He didn't want to talk. Talking led to feeling, and Metal hated feeling. He was good at doing – leading, sparring, shooting, pounding the ground, that kind of thing. But feeling? No sir'ee. The closest he ever came was with Trent. And Derek, Alpha's medic, his 2IC. And then that was only after several beers, followed by several more.

Metal glanced around the bar, relieved to not only not see Trent, but not see Evelyn either. Who he did see was Brock and Sonny.

"Metal!" Brock bounded over to him.

That boy has too much energy. "Hey kid." Metal rolled his eyes but grinned despite himself. Brock's good nature was infectious.

"Well, lookie 'ere. And what do we owe the honor of your presence to?" Sonny sidled up to him, frowning. "Thought you dropped dead or something."

Metal sighed, fishing his dip out of his pocket, and putting a small amount in his mouth.

"That stuff'll kill ya," the big Texan drawled before making his way back to the pool table he was sharing with Brock and Clay and – shit – Trent.

Metal wasn't sure he was ready to see his friend. None of them really. He knew he could only hide so much from Trent. With that thought Metal did an about-face and made his way to the bar, taking a seat in the middle of three empty stools. Perfect. No one to bother…

"Uh, hey Metal."

Metal looked to his side to see none other than Evelyn. Second strike out of the night. "Hey kid."

"Look, I just wanted to thank you again for what you did…"

Metal held up his hand. "It's no problem, Ev. Glad I caught him."

He turned fully to face Evelyn head on and was surprised to notice how attractive she was – not unlike Nicole. Metal shook his head to lose the memories and sized Evelyn up. She was young, maybe mid-20s with curly brown hair and curves all over. Looking at her he could also tell that she found him attractive. Then again, most women did. He had a rep for being very generous in bed.

"Would you…?" They both started.

Evelyn giggled and waited for Metal to continue.

"Want to get out of here?" Metal offered Evelyn his hand.

"I'd love to."

With that the two headed out the door, not unnoticed by Trent.

Oh boy.

Metal opened up his truck door for Evelyn and went around, starting the engine. "My place?"

Evelyn stared at Metal wide-eyed. Sure, she had thought Metal probably meant to go back to his place when he said, 'want to get out of here,' but it was entirely different for him to verbalize it. She swallowed hard and nodded.

Full Metal saw the movement in her throat and smirked before throwing the truck in drive, heading across town to his house. Besides whiskey a good fuck made for a great way to fall asleep, and if he wasn't going to get to drink himself to sleep, he was sure as hell going to get laid.

When the two arrived at Metal's house, he escorted her inside and locked the door behind them. Evelyn barely had her shoes off before Metal slammed her up against the door, his lips and hands on her, fire in his eyes.

Evelyn felt his heart pounding under the muscles of his chest, and she moaned, wanting him to take her further.

After hearing her moan, Metal was lost. In no short order they were back in his spare room – Metal never brought his fucks into his bedroom – ripping each other's clothes off.

Evelyn gasped at his size, already nervous about the height and breadth of this man compared to herself. She knew he was older than her, even if his greying hair was really the only thing signifying he was a couple decades older than she.

Metal grabbed a condom from the bedside table, rolled it on and slammed into her. God, she feels good. It had been too long. Metal found, just like when he drank whiskey, having good sex made him forget whatever was tumbling around in his brain. The fact that she looked like Nicole only helped – until it didn't.

Intrusive thoughts suddenly began to enter Metal's mind, images of the girls and the torture they endured. Of Nicole and how he found her.

Immediately Metal pulled out, leaving Evelyn wet and confused. He yanked on his boxers and virtually fled to his room, slamming the door, hearing Evelyn call for him. He couldn't face her. What am I going to say? Hey, sorry for the fuck – I just can't stop picturing my dead ex?

He immediately dialed Trent's number.

"Metal?"

"Trent, I need you."

Trent dropped the call and immediately hung a left – he had been on his way home, but home could wait.

A short few minutes later he rolled up to Metal's house and used his key to let himself inside. "Metal?" He walked towards the rooms at the back of the house. As he got closer, he could hear a girl crying. "Damn it," he muttered.

Evelyn was still lying in Metal's spare bedroom. She was so confused, slightly buzzed and had no idea where in VA Beach she was, which made it impossible to call a cab. She didn't understand what had gone wrong. They had been going hot and heavy until he suddenly just seemed to turn off and shut himself in another room.

"Evelyn?"

She turned to see Trent in the doorway, which only made her cry harder.

"Hey, it's ok." Trent rubbed her back awkwardly and pushed her hair out of her eyes. Thank goodness she had put on some clothes by this point.

"I don't know what happened," she cried.

"Metal called me."

Evelyn looked up at Trent confused causing him to sigh.

"He feels awful…"

This unfortunately wasn't the first time Trent had to explain to a brother's fuck buddy that intrusive thoughts caused by their job made a green light situation suddenly a no-go, though never in the heat of the moment. Most of them could handle that conversation themselves, and he was sure Metal had before, but maybe it was because of who Evelyn looked like.

"Our job… Sometimes no matter what you are doing or who you are with, the things we've seen just come up." Man, he hoped he never had to have this conversation again.

Evelyn's confusion seemed to dwindle, and Trent could see that not only was she confused but she was also pissed and trying to save face.

"Fine. I get that. Look, I'm leaving for college tomorrow anyways. I just thought he'd be a good fuck. Call me a cab and I'll be out of your hair."

Trent stared at her for a minute before he arranged an Uber for her and walked her to the door.

As soon as he heard the door shut, Metal came slowly out of his room.

"What the fuck man?!" Trent yelled at his friend. "You couldn't just tell her you lost your stiffie or something? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Trent was livid and felt used. Metal knew that all he had to do was call him, saying he needed him, and he'd be there.

Metal just stared at Trent. He knew he'd betrayed his friend, asking him to send away the girl. "I fucked up."

"You betcha rights you did!" Trent sighed exasperated and still very angry. He stalked over to the couch and sat on the armrest. "What is going on? First you drink yourself silly, then you avoid us like the plague, now you're fucking girls 25 years your junior and having me clean up your mess… Is it still the girls? Nicole? What?!"

Metal swallowed back a growl and took a seat across from Trent in his leather recliner. "Man.. I just… I'm tired of being Full Metal."

"What?" Trent gawked at him.

"Nicole…"

"It's been years since Nicole, man!"

Metal glared at Trent before he apologized and indicated Metal should continue.

"Remember when you found me in Alpha's cage room when you were off injured?"

"Love what you did to the place."

Metal glared at Trent. "Watch it." 'Who does this punk think he is talking to?'

Trent sat down across from Metal and looked at him, really looked at him. "Tell me what's going on."

"Why should I tell you?" scoffed Metal.

"Because I'm here. And I care."

Metal rolled his eyes.

"Look, I know you're all 'Full Metal', no feelings, no problems, no… soul."

Metal chuckled at that.

"But regardless of that, everyone struggles. And I see you. You've been throwing back whiskey this week like it's soda, and it's only Tuesday, and now you've turned the cages into your personal sparring match. Something is eating at you and like I said, I'm here and I care."

Metal eyed up Trent, taking note of the skin grafts on his arm, the slices across his forearm. The man knew struggle. Maybe he could trust him. "This CANNOT leave this room."

Trent nodded.

"Remember Nicole?"

Trent nodded again. Metal had been seeing her on the downlow a couple years ago when she was a member of Delta's support team.

"She's dead."

Trent's eyes widened at the admittance.

"I found her with her wrists slashed Saturday night." A sob somehow managed to escape Metal's throat before he coughed and tried to rub away any tears that had escaped.

Trent got up and knelt beside his friend, laying his hand on his shoulder.

Nicole had been the love of Metal's life. They didn't exactly have to keep their relationship a secret, as they weren't on the same team, but because they were both involved with DEVGRU they figured they'd just keep it quieter, choosing to only act as a couple outside of base.

In the end, Nicole cheated on him with her team leader, Delta One. Metal had lost his mind and nearly murdered D1. If it weren't for his brothers on Alpha, he would have. He wanted to make Alpha One, was so close, and that reminder along with a few trips to see the strippers and a weekend at the casinos in Atlanta had seemed to do the trick. Even after he still missed Nicole, though he'd never admit it. Metal hadn't been in a relationship since.

"I'm so sorry, Scott."

Metal shuddered and rubbed his eyes.

"Do you know why…?" 'What a question to have to ask someone.'

Metal shook his head. "Not exactly. I heard she stepped out on Delta One a couple months ago with an Admiral, and then got trashed by said Admiral who only wanted her as his booty call."

"Woh."

Trent spent the rest of the day listening to Metal before they headed back to Trent's and got drunk on too much whiskey. After that Metal seemed to even out.

"The anniversary of Nicole's death was a few days ago."

Trent stared at Metal's admission and internally slapped himself. "Oh man, I forgot. I'm so sorry, brother. No wonder you've been messed up."

"And then seeing Evelyn looking like Nicole… and then all those girls... It's just been too much the last week and a half. And I trust you, but it's hard to maintain my armor when I can't stop thinking about everything and seeing all their dead bodies. Dead bodies of the douche bags we kill are one thing, dead innocent women are another."

Trent got up and walked over to his brother. "You can always talk to me, Scott. The more secrets and nightmares are talked about, the less power they have over us."

He dropped a hand onto Metal's shoulder and felt him shudder beneath Trent's hand.

Suddenly it was Trent's turn to not want to feel, and he quickly removed his hand from Metal and took a few steps back.

"Trent."

"I should go," Trent hurriedly stated. "You need to try to get some sleep." He could not have Metal see what was going on inside, especially given the circumstances. Shit. Shit. Shit. What was that?! He shudders because he's upset and I'm suddenly…

He began to back away before Metal suddenly grabbed his arm, pulling him to him.

"Stay."

"I can't." Trent rubbed at his beard. What am I doing?

"Stay." This was not a suggestion.

Trent swallowed hard and nodded. He quickly turned and headed to the washroom, leaving Metal to make up the couch for Trent, figuring he wouldn't want to sleep in the spare room with the smell of sex in the air.

Metal sensed something was up, had noticed the change in the atmosphere suddenly, but was too tired and overwhelmed to dwell on it further.

Trent leaned his head against the back of the washroom door, trying to calm his breathing. What's the matter with you?! He couldn't think straight. All he could think about was the way Metal shuddered under his touch and how he suddenly had felt on fire. And how he hadn't realized before… am I attracted to him?!