Disclaimer: This is a violent chapter.

Chapter Two: Changing Sides

Empty. That's exactly how Buffy felt.

She should have felt more…Guilt. She was upset with herself. Buffy just stabbed Willow and killed her. Tears flowed down her cheeks. Spike walked over to her and tried to hold her, but held back. Instead he stood there next to her side. Buffy wiped away her tears and sniffled. Spike nodded and said,

"The first kill is different for everyone."

"What'd you do with her body?" Buffy asked.

"I told you not to worry about that." Spike said. "I took care of it."

Buffy nodded. "Thank you."

"Why don't you go and get some sleep?" Spike suggested. "I'll stay here and keep watch. It's late."

"Good idea." Buffy said.

She walked upstairs to her room and closed the door. She changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed. She felt safer with Spike here. She didn't want to be alone. Not after what she had done…Done…She had killed someone. Tears formed in Buffy's eyes and she sobbed. She killed Willow Rosenberg. The guilt was eating at her. Buffy turned off the light and wrestled in her bed.

The task of sleeping after what had just happened was hard. Finally, sleep came, but she wished it never did. Buffy's dreams were all over the place. She remembered the first time she ever held Dawn in her arms. Then she remembered Dawn's death.

Then came Willow's death.

Willow begged her not to hurt her. She screamed at Buffy. Her screams were so loud. Buffy's heart broke into pieces. What did she just do? She wondered as she slept. Buffy killed her best friend and it started to haunt her. Buffy's eyes snapped open as the sun crept through her window. Buffy sat straight up and was covered in sweat.

What did she just do?! Buffy looked at her hands. They were shaking. She killed someone. She actually killed someone…Buffy put her face in her hands and sobbed. She never thought that she would cross over to the other side. She never thought that she would be evil. Evil. That word hit her hard. Was that what she was now?

Buffy threw the covers off and ran to her desk. She grabbed her diary. Buffy wrote down Willow's name and everything about the first kill. Her screams, her pleads, everything down to Willow's last breath. She had no idea what happened to the body so she wrote that Spike took care of the corpse. Once she was done, she put her diary away, and walked into Willow's old room.

She looked at Willow's things and touched them with her hands. Willow was gone. Her friend was dead. Friend…Those people that she called friends betrayed her and that sunk in her heart. Sadness was replaced by anger. Buffy clenched her fists and ran over to Willow's dresser. She screamed and pulled out the drawers. She threw them across the room, breaking each one.

Buffy grabbed the lamp that was on the nightstand and threw it across the room, shattering it. She was furious. Spike came running upstairs and into the room. Buffy sobbed, hard. Tears fell to the floor. He slowly walked over to her and then when he was close, he grabbed her arms, and shook her.

"Buffy! Buffy!" Spike yelled. "Snap out of it!" He paused. "Slayer, are you there?!"

Buffy gasped and opened her eyes. Spike was there. He had her in his hands. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Spike slowly let go. Buffy fell to the floor and sat down. He sat down next to her and stayed there, quiet. He let her think. She needed time. Buffy was silent for a long time. Spike lost track of how long. She just stared at him. Spike put his hands on top of her shoulders again.

"Buffy?" He asked. "Are you there?"

Buffy nodded. Spike sighed heavily. "You need to go eat something." Buffy nodded.

Spike took her downstairs, slowly. She wasn't all there. He sat her down and got her something to eat. Buffy just stared at her food. She knew she needed to eat something, but she couldn't move. Spike sat down next to her and sighed again. He sat with her until she moved. Buffy picked up the fork and shoved food into her mouth. She chewed slowly. The front door opened and both of them jumped.

"Stay here." Spike whispered and Buffy didn't move. He got up and walked to the front of the house.

"I'm home!" Tara said and Spike stopped in front of Tara. "Spike? Does Buffy know you're here?"

"She does." Spike said. "Where have you been?"

"Out." Tara replied and crossed her arms. "So what are you doing here?"

"Helping Buffy with a project." Spike replied quickly.

"What project?" Tara demanded.

"You might find out soon." Spike told her.

"Hm, okay…" Tara said. "Is Wil here?"

"She's out right now." Spike answered. "Buffy's in the kitchen."

"Okay, I'll go say hi." Tara said and walked into the kitchen.

She walked past Spike and into the kitchen. When Tara stepped into the kitchen, she noticed that no one was there. She raised an eyebrow and her heart started to beat fast.

"Buffy?" Tara called out. "I'm home."

Buffy opened the basement door and came into the kitchen. "Hi Tara."

Tara jumped and looked at her. She smiled and said, "Hey. Do you know when Wil come home?"

Buffy shook her head. "No." She clung to the door. She was feeling light headed.

"Okay, I just wanted to see if you knew where she was." Tara said.

"I have no idea." Buffy answered honestly.

She didn't know where Spike put Willow's body so she felt like she was telling the truth. Buffy sniffled and wiped her face. Tara looked concerned and grabbed a glass of water.

"Are you okay? You sound sick." Tara said.

"I'm fine." Buffy lied. She walked across the kitchen and slowly grabbed a kitchen knife.

Tara turned around and took a sip of water. Something wasn't right. Buffy grabbed Tara's left hand and pinned her against the sink. Tara cried out in shock and yelled, "Buffy, what are you doing?!"

Spike entered the room and turned into vampire mode. He stayed back and let Buffy decide Tara's fate.

"You all were there! I swore I would kill anyone who came near Dawn!" Buffy screamed. "I swear it, you all will die!"

"Buffy, no!" Tara screamed.

Buffy pinned her against the sink and struggled. She stabbed her several times until Tara wasn't moving anymore. Tara's body fell to the kitchen floor. Buffy dropped the knife. Spike licked his lips. If he didn't have this stupid chip in his head he would have grabbed the scraps. Buffy fell to the floor and sobbed again. This was all too much. Spike ran over to her side and sat down next to her.

"Slayer, it's okay." Spike said gently. "They all deserve it."

"I know," Buffy breathed heavily. "But this is all just too much."

"I'll take care of the body. You take care of the blood." Spike told her.

Buffy nodded and stood up. Spike grabbed Tara's body and dragged it to the basement. Buffy followed him and obtained the cleaning supplies. She filled the mop bucket with hot water and found some washcloths. Buffy started to scrub the kitchen floor and the cabinets. She was on her knees, scrubbing. The blood was everywhere. This was her second kill. Tara Maclay was dead.

Buffy had to do it.

She knew in her heart that she made the right choice, but it still felt so unreal. Two people were dead. Two of her friends were dead. Buffy had changed. She changed when she killed Willow and and she changed when she killed Tara. Buffy cleaned up and then got in the shower. The sun was going down. Once it was safe to go outside, Spike dragged Tara's body to the backyard and buried it.

Buffy let the water hit her. Tara's blood washed down the drain. Buffy's hands were shaking. Once she was done with the shower, she changed into cleaner clothes and went into Tara's and Willow's old room. Buffy picked up the debris and straightened everything out. Then she went back into her room and started to write in her diary again. Buffy wrote down Tara Maclay. Her second victim. She wrote down what happened and how she felt.

Spike knocked on Buffy's door and asked, "May I come in?"

Buffy turned and nodded. "Yeah."

"How do you feel?" Spike asked.

"Torn." Buffy replied. "I loved them both, but I felt like it needed to happen. I made a promise and I'm going to keep it."

"Buffy, I tried to protect Dawn." Spike said.

"Spike, I know." Buffy told him. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at everyone else. Especially Xander and Giles."

"I still can't believe that Xander pushed Dawn off the tower." Spike said.

"Me neither." Buffy said. "I can't imagine what was going through Dawn's mind in her final moments. I was supposed to be there for her. I never got to save her."

"I never got to save her either." Spike said.

Buffy got up from her desk and walked over to Spike. "You helped as much as you could." She said and hugged him.

Spike had no idea what to do for a moment. Then he wrapped his arms around her. "I won't let anything happen to you." He whispered.

Buffy's eyes teared up again. "That's the same thing I said to Dawn…" She sobbed. "I failed her."

Spike held Buffy in his arms. He wanted to comfort her and be there for her. Buffy cried in Spike's arms and stayed there for a little while. He let her get it out of her system. Spike let go and held her arms.

"Why don't you get some sleep?" He suggested.

Buffy nodded. "Okay." She said and crawled into bed.

Spike tucked her in and stayed with her until she fell asleep. Once asleep, Buffy dreamt of both murders. She killed her friends. It sunk in her brain of what she had done. She was no longer the good Slayer. She used her powers for evil. She tossed and turned in her bed all night. Her dreams told her that she rejected her purpose. She was supposed to kill demons, not become one. Buffy sat up straight in bed in the middle of the night and gasped loudly.

"I don't care…" Buffy said to the empty room. "I don't care anymore…" She paused. "I quit."

Author's Notes: This was hard to write, but I think I got through the bullet point of which we discussed! It's a little dark and different idea for Buffy. I'm going off the requester's notes and this completely AU. More to come! Let me know what you guys think!