Alex went straight to his room when they got home. He looked exhausted. Sure enough, when Ben checked on him half an hour later he was sleeping. And Ben let him sleep, sure the kid could use it. Alex didn't stumble into the kitchen until well past dinner, hair mussed.

"There's a plate for you in the fridge," Ben called from his position on the couch. "Nothing fancy, just some mac and cheese." He studied the blonde out of the corner of his eye, pretending to still be reading. Alex rummaged through the cupboards for a cup and a bag of tea, completely ignoring the food as he set about heating some water.

"Aren't hungry?" The sharpshooter asked. Alex shook his head, keeping his back to Ben and his head down as he poured the water. "You look like shit," the soldier offered. Alex flinched. "You wanna talk about it?" The boy shook his head again.

"I understand. I've lost people too." Ben swallowed, weighing whether he wanted to dive into his past and bring back up those painful memories. But that's what they had been asking Alex to do wasn't it? And he'd been through the whole therapy process. His memories were still painful but they weren't unbearable anymore. He glanced over at Alex. The kid wasn't looking but he wasn't touching his tea either. He seemed to be holding perfectly still, clearly listening intently.

"I ah… My best mate, Travis, he joined the SAS first. He said he wanted to help people. Signed up as soon as we turned 18. He begged me to sign up with him but I chickened out. He was so proud when he passed selection. He video chatted with me every day on his first assignment. And then one day he didn't. I knew he was going into a rough area. I assumed he just couldn't make it to the computer that day. I didn't really worry. About a week went by before I got a knock on my door. You know the one. Trav's family never really liked me. I think it had something to do with my mom raising us on her own. They thought I would be a bad influence on him. But he was always the troublemaker between the two of us. He got us into so many jams in school. And he always got us back out somehow." Ben chuckled at the memory but his smile saddened as he remembered the day Travis' unit mate had knocked on the door.

"Anyway, I knew what had happened as soon as I saw Trav's unit mate in the doorway. The bastard went and got himself shot up trying to be a hero rescuing some little girl and figured no one would think to tell me. So he made his unit promise to let me know as he bled out. I joined up the next week. I know there's probably nothing I could've done but some part of me always wondered if things would've been different if I'd been there with him." Ben trailed off. It had been harder to talk about than he'd thought.

The apartment was silent for a long moment, both occupants lost in their thoughts. Abruptly Alex stood and made a second cup of tea, pouring it into a different mug. Ben looked on in confusion until the boy sat next to him on the couch, placing the second cup in front of the older man. The soldier couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. He put his arm around the boy as Alex leaned into him, placing his head against Ben's shoulder.

"You're welcome," Ben murmured as he grabbed the remote and turned on a football match.

Alex was nervous. He really didn't want to go to therapy this week. He didn't want Caroline to look at him like he was this fragile thing. And he was particularly worried about Audry. He hadn't seen her reaction to his episode. Ben said she'd been worried about him but what if he'd scared her away? What if she decided he was just too weird or too broken and that he wasn't worth associating with? He didn't really have any other friends (because he'd come to the conclusion that's what they were, at least until she rejected him). Certainly he had no other friends his own age.

"You can't avoid it forever pal," Ben ever so helpfully pointed out. "You're going to have to face them eventually. And they're both understanding. It'll be okay." Alex couldn't speak to respond. He was going to throw up. Ben had to all but drag him inside the building. The soldier threatened to go get Caroline three times before he built up the courage to walk in. He almost walked out again when he saw Audry waiting for him. He grabbed Ben's arm, stopping him from walking over.

"C-can we s-sit somewhere else?" Alex stammered in a whisper.

"She's just going to come over to wherever we sit," Ben reasoned. "Al, just talk to her." Alex shook his head wordlessly. He could feel the cold sweat chilling his forehead. He was nearly shaking so bad he couldn't stand. He was starting to hyperventilate. It felt like there wasn't enough air in the whole world, let alone this room.

"Alex breathe," Ben commanded. The blonde was starting to feel dizzy as well as nauseous now. "Shit, maybe I pushed you too hard," Alex heard Ben murmur more to himself. He didn't have enough air to respond. He needed more space but his legs were shaking too badly to move. Suddenly, there was a tornado of wild red hair filling his vision and arms around him, squeezing tight. It short circuited his brain.

"Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out," Audry whispered in his ear. And he realized he could. He held onto her fiercely as they breathed together. And then his vision blurred and they were crying together, sinking to the floor together.

"'M sorry," Alex mumbled into her hair. "I'm so sorry Audry." She shook her head.

"At least you know who I am this time," she laughed after a beat. But the laugh was watery.

"Are you two going to sit on the floor today then?" Ben interjected when they didn't get up. Alex let Audry go, embarrassed. It seemed that was going to be his constant state around her now. But as he did, he noticed her cheeks were pink too. She smiled shyly at him and offered her hand as she stood up, pulling him up with her. And she didn't let go as they walked over to their usual seats and sat down.

"Can-" Audry hesitated. "Can you tell me about her?" She asked. Alex's mouth felt dry.

"W-who?"

"The person I look like." Alex closed his eyes, focussing on his breathing. He felt her hand squeeze his and it was warm. Comforting. Shakily, he nodded, inspecting their interlocked fingers as he opened his eyes again.

"H-her name was Jack." As he began, he concentrated on the way their hands joined, tracing the lines and veins with his eyes. He noticed the way her skin felt against his. He tried to pay attention to the pace of her breathing and match it.

"She had red hair, like you," he kept going. "But hers was more straight. She was my housekeeper when I was seven. And over the years she became more like my sister. S-she took care of me." His heart stuttered with his voice. His chest felt tight with pain.

"What was she like?" Audry murmured gently. Alex grazed his thumb over the chipping nail polish on her finger, twisting their hands subtly to watch how the light changed the color slightly. His hands were shaking, he realized.

"S-she…" he paused, and suddenly couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. "She wouldn't cook anything that took more than 10 minutes to make. And she was a terrible cook. But she knew a thousand different ways to make ramen. And she had the number for the pizza place down the street memorized." As he talked, the tension started to ease.

"Her favorite flower was a stargazer lily. And she had the thickest American accent, even after living in the UK for years. It would get worse whenever her mom called." Alex felt lighter than he had in a long time.

"She used to make me chicken noodle soup whenever I was sick. And she always talked about how she was going to get a dog one day." He stopped. She'd never gotten a dog. She never would now. The pain was back. But it was somehow easier to bear now.

"I miss her…" he whispered.

A/N: Damn that chapter hurt to write. Enjoy! Please leave likes and comments!