So this is a oneshot. A little out of my comfort zone but hopefully it is enjoyable. It's been sitting in my files for over 2 years now.
Enjoy!
Bright golden light streamed through the window slowly moving up the walls illuminating the room. Vehicles in the distance hummed as they moved along, while birds chirping in the early hours could be heard. Rukia's eye's fluttered moving her hand to block the rays blurring her vision. A gentle breeze blew through the shear white curtains, caressing her skin and the crisp morning air clearing her senses.
Stretching, she rolled to her left and saw the pillow beside her was sunken in and the cream sheets pushed aside. As her backhand moved across the empty space, surprise etched her features by the warmth that remained. Frowning slightly, a familiar feeling crept through her chest. She sighed, resting her hand above her head and turned towards the window breathing evenly as her mind wandered. It was always like this, the mornings she awoke to an empty bed and the person long gone from the apartment.
A soft creak echoed in the room pulled her from her thoughts. Lifting her head gently off the pillow she stared at the open door. He stood in a mess of orange hair, shirtless with a towel wrapped around his neck wearing faded dark wash jeans awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck; a nervous habit. His eyes looking everywhere but her and she couldn't help but smile inwardly. Ichigo could be four kinds of predictable. Though the awkwardness was vastly different than the persona that she had met that night.
Being questioned by the Kuchiki family has always ended with her in a bar far away from the estate where they all lived and breathed. The less she could see of the place and the people, the better it was for her alcohol intake.
They started by examining her life goals, the fact she wasn't married and clearly the worst offence of all she didn't have an 'heir' . On top of that they wanted to arrange a marriage with her and some other stuck up noble who probably not once in their life knew what it meant to work and earn the money they own. They believed being the younger sister of Hisana who came from a 'poorer' family meant that she herself was incapable of doing anything by herself. That she needed to be patrolled in her life decisions because goodness knows, she didn't know any better. And they would know for sure the perfect man of whom she could marry that would be deemed 'respectable'. She rolled her eyes.
Stuck up, old, ridiculous rules of etiquette.
In her fuming train of thought she didn't bother looking where she was going. Most people were moving out of her way as she stormed through the room but the moment she collided with the idiot who decided the best time to cut across her path was indeed, asking for it.
Rukia bounced off the wall of a person and found herself tumbling towards the ground. A large firm hand grasped her tiny wrist pulling forward to brace her. She looked up and was greeted with orange hair and a pair of rich amber eyes staring into hers. Rukia blinked and for a moment neither of them said a thing. The man had a tall, muscular but slim build, broad shoulders and a sharp jaw line. He wasn't conventionally handsome and the permanent scowl etched in his face was indeed unusual. Rukia shook her head and the anger came bubbling up from inside. Unfortunately, this guy was going to be the recipient.
" Watch where you are going!" Surprised, the man took a few moments before he shot back frowning.
"I think the words are 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking'" the sarcasm laced in his voice pissed her off.
" I wasn't watching were I was going? Please, you should have seen me coming." Rolling his eyes he asked
"What the hell has you all worked up? Boyfriend?" Rukia growled and a small smirk appeared on his face.
"Did I strike a nerve sweetheart?"
"DON'T call me sweetheart." He cocked his eyebrow
"What do I call you then?"
"None of your damn business."
"Hm, thats no way to meet people you know." She rolled her eyes, she didn't have the patience for this.
"Apologize." She demanded tugging at her wrist still encapsulated by his hand. He scoffed tightening his grip.
"Like hell I'm going to apologize over some ridiculous thing as bumping someone accidently!"
"You saw me coming that way!"
"I didn't!"
"You did!"
He took a sharp step forward surprising Rukia. Leaning slightly down he tugged her wrist gently to move her closer to him. Tilting to her ear he whispered in a low voice
"I didn't, and if you weren't a midget I wouldn't have crashed into you." A wicked smile plastered on his features made Rukia's eyes turn to slits. He was baiting her.
Well, he asked for it.
She angled her head towards his ear her lips almost brushing it. She spoke with an air of innocence,
"I hear depth perception is difficult for older, taller.." she stressed
"... individuals." She flashed him her sickliest sweet smile. He pulled back. His eyebrows went up just as fast as it set in a deeper scowl.
Got him there. With that win she wrenched her wrist from his hand and walked towards the door.
"Hey!" He called after her. She pointedly ignored him
"HEY! You can't just accuse a guy and walk away like it was nothing?!" Rukia rolled her eyes
"Well you aren't apologizing and you did do it."
"I'm not apologizing for something as insignificant-" She spun around so fast he almost toppled her.
"It's not insignificant!"
"It is!" He grounded
"Is not!" She found herself fuming.
What was with this guy?
She turned around again to the door but as she did his firm grip wrapped around her wrist pulling her back
"Wait a minute you midg-FUCK" He cursed as her foot connected to his shin.
"Don't call me a midget." With that she stormed out the door.
The man stood in the middle of a bar with a sore shin, staring at the doors. She was like a wild fire. One minute toppling him with her flames then next leaving him in the cold ash.
He never acted like that with complete strangers. Teasing and pushing the buttons of, from what he saw, a very stressed woman. But the minute she opened her mouth, he just couldn't help himself.
He shook his head and walked outside. He half expected her to be long gone but to his surprise she was pacing and muttering very loudly not far from the building. His eyebrow raised and the corners of his mouth turned slightly upward. For some strange reason he walked towards her direction.
Rukia's thoughts swirled as she stomped off. That man caused her to lose herself with very little effort. All of her self-control went out the window. Never had anyone gotten under her skin so easily.
He surprised her.
Rukia didn't want to go home because she was still stressed and mad about her family affairs, but she didn't want to go back to the bar and deal with that insufferable-
Orange?
An orange blur came into her peripheral vision. She inwardly groaned
" Do you normally pace and talk to yourself outside bars." Her eyes twitched as she turned to the voice.
A stupid smirk on his stupid face.
" I was just leaving" She spat. He raised his eyebrow and pointed to her
"You're not going to get very far." Rukia growled. He grinned.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked innocently. Rukia was ready to pounce on this man.
"No. There. Isn't." She accentuated. Her venom had little to no effect on him, if anything it goaded him on.
" Perhaps you should talk to someone about it instead of air?" Rukia rolled her eyes, this man!
" Honestly air is a better companion than anyone I see at the moment." He looked at her
"Really? Anyone within the vicinity?" Rukia looked him up and down before answering with a more confident tone
"Absolutely"
He scowled.
"Well this has been interesting," she started "But I would like to spend my evening in a bar not arguing with a complete stranger."
She took one step to the side when he stuck his hand out.
He didn't know why he did it. It was like his body reacted before his brain could process his actions. All he knew was that whatever it was, he was not done yet.
No turning back now.
"Name's Kurosaki Ichigo." Rukia raised her eyebrows her eyes looking between his hand and his face, or scowl. A moment passed as she eyed his outstretched hand.
Instead of brushing him off Rukia stood straighter, inclined her head towards him and grasped his hand with a firm grip
"Kuchiki Rukia."
He nodded and pointed behind him to the bar
"Would you like a drink?"
They sat in silence for a moment before Ichigo decided to speak up
"Why are you here on a weekday getting pissed over someone accidently bumping into you?"
"It wasn't an accident."
" It was."
"You know, for someone so tall you would think you could pay attention to all your surroundings." He rolled his eyes as he took a sip.
"It would help if the person I ran into was regular height" Rukia glared at him and he grinned. Then she smirked
"You see that wasn't the problem." He raised his eyebrow " With an ego that size I should have been able to see you coming." Ichigo growled. She grinned
"Two can play at this game." She expected a sharp retort but instead he smirked.
"For someone who looks like you, you certainly have a whip like personality." She raised her eyebrows at him gesturing to her formal work attire. A black pencil skirt with a black blazer over a cream dress shirt. Strict would be the word to describe it. He, on the other hand was far more relaxed. Brown leather jacket over a green Henley and paired with dark wash jeans.
"That a problem?" She challenged swirling the liquid in the glass. He took a swing at his drink and shook his head
"No, it's refreshing actually." Rukia was surprised. Never had anyone said that to her. Taking another sip of his drink he asked with a lighter tone.
"So, what is it? Why are you here?" Rukia considered giving him a bogus answer but something within her rebelled and out came the truth. Ichigo rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well that is unfortunate, they can really make you do all of that?" Rukia nodded. She inclined towards him
"What about you?"
"Ahh, well my ex and I broke up after I found out she cheated. It was messy, exhausting and at times downright ridiculous. It just wasn't what I thought it was and after, I was done. Done with relationships and done with the baggage that comes with it." Ichigo twirled the liquid before taking a sip "And on top of all of that work has been hell with the cutbacks and layoffs."
"That sounds awful."
"Yeah it is." He replied softly.
Minutes passed by and both compatriots finished their drink and yet neither were leaving
Ichigo without looking at Rukia spoke up
"You still mad?" Rukia took a moment before she answered. Regardless of the drink and the company she was still angry. Once she leaves this place all her problems will be on her in tenfold.
"Yeah, I am."
"Good." That was all he said before he reached over and pulling her body towards his as his lips crashed into hers. In an instant warmth spread through her body disrupting all her ability to think. His hands moved to the small of her back and the other intertwined with her hair. The slight tug pulled a small whimper from Rukia's mouth and Ichigo's grip tightened pressing her further into him, as if she would disappear from his arms. Rukia's hands landed on his chest steadying herself and her fingers curled around his shirt. The intensity hit her like a freight train. All her emotions were bursting out of her and crashing into his. Her weight fully supported by his. Rukia could feel the sturdiness of his chest pressed against her own. Her hands found its way up his chest wrapping around his neck. His skin was hot to the touch and she could feel the pounding of his heart against her own.
And just as fast as it came the fire gave way to sweetness. Gently, Ichigo pulled away, his forehead resting against hers, both of their chest rising and falling in sync. Rukia's mind regained some sense as her dazed eyes became clearer. The horror at what she just did with a complete stranger and how elated she had felt frightened her. Before she could voice any concerns Ichigo whispered, his voice ruff and slightly breathless
"You need an outlet and I need a distraction." His thumb brushed her bottom lip gently. Rukia's mouth parted slightly. She wasn't looking for a relationship. That was not why she was here. But then he leaned in kissing her softly all her willpower dissipated. Just once, just once she wanted to do what she wanted with her life. Pulling away she was met with his warm gaze and made up her mind
"One night" she whispered. Ichigo leaned in kissing her as he pulled her off her seat
"One night." He repeated.
That was all. One night and no more. No feelings involved, just a way to deal with their lives they had no control over. But that was not how it played out.
Every kiss, every touch left her breathless and wanting. She had never experienced anything like it with anyone. His touch was like fire. Gently awakening all her senses at once and pulling her far away from reality. He took so much of her and she willing gave it to him. And when he called her name with such yearning, she came to his beck and call. He awakened a desire, that as the day's past from the first night, she could not quell.
Neither was willing to end what was started, but neither wanted it to be more. The agreement came that what was between them was only just sex, and that at some point the feelings would dissipate and they would move on. She wholeheartedly believed it. The months went by and the more nights spent together, the feeling grew stronger. Every time she ended up back with him and only him. And he came with no hesitation. Locking eyes with Ichigo who stood in the door, Rukia realized she may have made a mistake.
Rarely did she ever.
Ichigo splashed cold water upon his face trying to wash the tiredness away. For a weekend this was not normal. Usually, he would be in a rush out the door for a run. Then would be home getting his lesson plan ready which would basically take an entire weekend.
So this?
This was him, sleeping in, without a care in the world. Taking the towel he stared into the mirror. He didn't see himself as a startling handsome man and no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find a reason as to why she came home with him.
He rarely ever brought women to his house. His home was his alone. It was not reserved for one night stands. He found it invasive of his privacy. There were always questions about his life, every miniscule detail. It came to the point he made the rule that it was just sex and nothing more, no strings attached. And always at their place, never his. He ran his hand over his face.
Then his ex.
She was the one girl he thought he loved and look how great that turned out. She pushed and pushed but never listened. It left him feeling trapped and just playing as the imaginary man she thought he was. It was exhausting. They basically lived together and yet it felt at times they were strangers. Then for all his luck he found out whom she was spending her nights with. It was lie after lie and he was done. He made sure then that if he ever was with another woman, it would never be at his house.
So, he surprised himself that he broke his only rule. There was a woman in his house, sleeping in his bed. It wasn't a one night stand either. Not like how it was supposed to be.
When he first saw her, he was stunned. She was beautiful, he had never seen anyone who looked like her. But, she wasn't dainty, in fact, he could see that her eyes held this dignity that came from what he learned was her upbringing, but the iciness of her personality was more a front to the intelligence and wit that attracted him. She threw smart quips making him stumble upon their first meeting. Her conversation was fierce and engaging and yet, despite how she talked, she was never cruel. She was uncommonly humble, kind and easy to be around. Ichigo found it hard to believe a woman like her existed; she was breath of fresh air.
That night spent together, she had stolen every breath he took. Her touch was electrifying and her voice rang through his being. And with every kiss he had never tasted anything sweeter than her. Her fire was like a hot white flame but it did not put his out, she only ignited it. And when she called out his name in in such need, he gave everything to her. As if she was the only one capable to tame his desire, claim it and give him everything. He worshiped every inch of her.
And then the night ended and he desperately tried to find her. When he did, he didn't know how to keep her around. Ichigo knew that she wasn't looking for a stable relationship and if he was being honest, neither was he. In a moment he blurted out an arrangement. Sex and nothing more.
As the months passed Ichigo found that the nights spent together started to mean more to him. There was this pull that drove him to her constantly. During work, she occupied his thoughts longer and more frequently than he liked. His studies as a literature professor had him reading the lines of lovers. Their longing he thought he understood, and yet, he felt like he was reading with new eyes. Every time he read an excerpt, her face conjured in his mind.
That frightened him. He would repeat the agreement like a mantra, 'sex and nothing more' but to no avail.
His solution?
He left before she awoke, every time.
His stomach churned at the thought, but the idea of confronting and perhaps ruining the 'relationship' or 'partnership' as his friends pointed out, scared the hell out of him.
Sighing, he hung the towel around his neck and opened the door. Walking down the hall he unconsciously found himself in front of his room. He had left the bedroom door slightly cracked so he wouldn't make noise that would wake her up. Absentmindedly his hand reached to push the door wider, his heart slightly quickening it's pace. The moment his fingers brushed the wood brought him back to reality, he stopped and lowered his arm. Ichigo shook his head and was about to leave until his eyes caught the sight through the crack and his breath caught.
The room was lit with golden light and the warm breeze gently moving the curtains. And she, she was fast asleep. The cream sheet lay delicately upon her form outlining her figure. Her arms lay outside. One draped across her stomach the other the resting on the pillow. It reminded him of those paintings you would find in museums. A moment of a woman captured in time.
How beautiful she looks
Ichigo felt his heart beat slightly harder. The urge to go in and lay beside her grew. His hand flexed as to try to lessen the feeling. He could only barely contain himself from pushing the door open. Clenching his fist he turned to walk away when he heard the sound of the bed sheets shuffling.
She was awake. He turned slightly back trying not to make any noise. His eyes softened, in the sunlight her pale even skin glowed contrasting beautifully with her black hair and vivid indigo eyes. Ichigo watched as her backhand moved across the side where he had slept. His stomach turned in knots. Her lips pursed slightly but her features remained serene. A slight tinge of another emotion occupied her expression.
Leave. Now.
As he turned his foot accidently clipped the door causing it to open wider.
Shit
She moved slightly leaning on her forearms her head facing him. No words were exchanged as he walked through the doorway rubbing his neck slightly embarrassed. His eyes slightly widened when he looked directly at her. The sight that greeted him was far more enticing than as she slept. Awake he could see her expressions, her mannerisms. Her chest rising and falling and the sheet moving with every breath she took. One look and he felt, alive. As if in a trance he followed the outline of her legs to the curves of her waist and the outline of her chest. The delicate sheet hid so little leaving nothing to the imagination. From her neck to her lips he remembered what her skin tasted like. Ichigo's eyes trailed across her bare shoulders, his hands itched as they recalled how soft it felt under the pads of his fingers. Her lips parted slightly and he took a sharp intake of breath.
"Ichigo." Her voice pulled him out of his trance. She her tone was much softer in the early morning.
"Rukia." There were no words coming to mind.
Where to even begin?
No matter how many times he imagined talking to her in the mornings, the words he wanted to say never came out.
"I didn't expect you here." Was what she replied with.
Her tone wasn't accusatory but surprised. A slight pang pressed against his chest. It would have been better if she were angry, he sure as hell deserved it. He nodded acknowledging the statement. Swallowing he spoke
"I had gotten up late this morning" She nodded her head.
Fuck
What was he supposed to say now?
The nights were easier, he didn't have to tell her all that ran through his mind but the mornings, it wasn't like that. He felt exposed to her in the morning light, like she could see through him.
He was never here when she was awake, but there were times, he had on more than one occasion, stayed in bed longer than usual in the blue light of the early morning. Before the sun fully rose in the sky, gently caressing her face. As she slept, he found himself memorizing every aspect of her.
Ichigo's features would relax as his gaze moved from her eyes, fluttering under her eyelids as she dreamt, to her soft lips that were slightly parted as she breathed evenly. His hands and body knew her; felt all of her but his eyes had not. Deep down there was a part of him that yearned to do so.
In the night he was honest to her, in the ways words could not comprehend but when he woke up the need to lie was so difficult that he ran.
Ichigo ran his hand through his hair. He had to remain impassive. Or else he would be caught in a trap, one he realized that with all his willpower, he would never escape by choice.
Rukia watched him as emotions flickered through his eyes. They changed and moved so quickly that she found it hard to keep up with. But she knew, better than him what he wanted to say. That he was sorry, but he had to go. That he would see her later, and his key would be left under the mat for when she would return. If he wasn't there in the morning, there was a letter. A soft smile appeared at the thought of how much of a literature professor he really was. No text, but a handwritten letter. Every time he would mention seeing her again. But now there was this look in his eyes that she couldn't understand, it was more like he was afraid, nervous. She tried not to read too much into it. She knew where they stood, there was no way that she would fall for him. She couldn't and even if she did-
Or had
She would never let him know. For as long as they were together, it was enough.
"Ichigo," She caught his attention, pursing her lips she continued
"It's alright, go." His eyes widened a fraction and he opened his mouth. She shook her head and smiled gently "I'll be fine, go."
I don't need your pity, that's not why I'm here.
She alleviated the rest of his worries, "I'll see you later"
Closing his mouth, Ichigo's eyebrows furrowed and he had this look upon his face which she couldn't place. A second passed before he nodded and she felt her strong front waiver ever so slightly. Ichigo turned around and took a step forward before spinning right back to face her. His eyes focused on her surprised ones as his mouth opened. But no words came out. Instead, she heard him groan quietly and his eyes lowered to the floor his hand running through his hair.
"I'll see you later then." She nodded and he took off. Ten minutes passed, then the door of the apartment closed and he was gone. Her heart was beating so fast before it dropped suddenly and unexpectedly. She frowned
Anticipation? Disappointment?
It bloomed within her chest and the only thought that ran through her mind was
Get Out
Rukia threw off the sheet, grabbing her clothes and her keys locked the door with the spare, placed it under the mat and left Ichigo's apartment only 5 minutes after. This game was dangerous, and she knew if she played long enough, there was a chance she would be hurt, intentionally or not.
Ichigo walked slowly through the park next to his apartment complex. Sighing deeply as he ran his hand through his hair deciding to turn back.
This should be enough time for her to leave.
Hearing his inner thoughts didn't make him feel less of a dick. In fact, he figured he topped it.
Rubbing his eyes, still feeling the effects of sleep, he recounted how she looked upon him in the doorway. Her bright, intelligent eyes stared back into his. He felt naked under her watch, like she could see the inner turmoil. Ichigo knew his ability to hide emotions was absolutely horrible. They started to unravel and he was unable to grasp control.
But the moment she called his name, his body responded as if by magic and for the first time in his life, his emotions were at the mercy of a woman. He dared not move, nor have his eyes wander anywhere but on her. She commanded and he complied.
Boy, was he screwed.
She gave him an opening and he took it and left. It spared him from revealing his inner thoughts accidently, it was a small blessing. But despite it, he felt as though his heart dropped into stomach as one thought crept into his mind. She wanted him to leave so she could go. She didn't want to stay.
Why would she?
Sex and nothing more.
The realization was a slap to his face as if to remind him of the fact that she was here for an entirely different reason. But as he was walking away from her, something made him turn around abruptly to say something, anything that was crossing his mind. The words however, were stuck in his throat as he saw the look which broke his resolve.
She looked like she pitted him. As if she understood his predicament of no strings attached relationships and the boundaries you do not cross. And he was for sure crossing them.
He didn't want that. Not her pity. Rukia had something he desired beyond physical attraction, which he could never admit out loud. He was confused, frustrated at himself and ashamed. Groaning he muttered
"Perhaps if I wasn't such an asshole this could have been different." Exhaling hard Ichigo found himself walking in the opposite direction of his apartments.
"So let me get this straight? You slept together, it was just as amazing as it always has been for the past 6 months. Let me repeat, 6 MONTHS. You slept in late... again , might I add. Then proceeded to leave an invitation of seeing her again as you shooed her from your apartment and now are sulking at mines because yours is just a stupid reminder that you have trust issues, relationship issues as well as the fact that you are acting like a giant baby?" Ishida set a cup in front of Ichigo, taking a drink as he eyed his very dumb early guest.
Ichigo's eyes twitched and his hand mechanically lifted the cup to his lips glaring at his friend.
" You know when I come over here, I am always hoping for some semblance of sympathy. Not your stupid ass psychology speeches." Ishida shrugged.
"Comes with the job." Ichigo's eyebrows quirked
"Job?" Ishida inclined his head to him.
"Personal shrink." Ichigo gripped his coffee cup hard
"Ishida..."
"To be honest you just make it really easy Kurosaki." Ichigo growled
"Fuck you." Ishida smirked.
"Sorry, as much as you would love that-"
"WHAT?!"
"- I am afraid that it won't make you feel better about Kuchiki Rukia." Ichigo groaned and slammed his head into the kitchen island. Ishida snickered
"Try not to lose the remaining brain cells you carry. As far as I'm concerned there isn't much left." Ichigo pointedly ignored the comment.
"What am I supposed to do Ishida?"
"Tell her the truth." Ishida stated simply.
Ichigo's head popped out from his arms.
"What!? Tell her what exactly?"
"That you are in love with her." Ichigo gaped
"M-me in love with her?! The little She-demon -"
"You are the one who bumped into her first."
"SHE overreacted, so hence, SHE-DEMON. Besides the only attachment I have to her is purely physical. I just need to figure out-"
"Only physical? Really?" Ishida raised his eyebrows. Ichigo's eyes twitched at the second time of being interrupted.
"I just need to figure out how to deal with this, attraction and keep my feelings ,which are just confused, at bay. It's because we've been seeing each other for so long, I think it's just my mind tricking me into believing I feel something more than just a companion." Ichigo's voice was nowhere near convincing. Ishida set his coffee down, his sharp calculating eyes staring back at him.
"You want to deal with the emotions that have been plaguing you since you both have been together-"
"We aren't together!" Ichigo growled.
"-By simply ignoring it? So that you don't have admit that you are in fact, in love wi-"
"STOP SAYING THAT!" Ishida cringe slightly at the decibel level he reached in his denial.
"You know Kurosaki, this is still the morning, I would appreciate your ability to adjust the volume of your voice." Ichigo grumbled as he took a sip of his coffee. Ishida rolled his eyes, his friend was a child at times. He continued as Ichigo remained silent
"You have seen her and only her for the past half of the year. You spend most of your evenings with no one else. Ichigo, she is on your mind constantly, and it's not just the thought of being with her. You have remarked absentmindedly about her eyes, her manner, god even her smile. There hasn't been a moment where she is not the center of your life." Ishida cocked his head towards his friend who was looking out the window with a blank stare.
"But you already knew that, didn't you?" Ichigo didn't answer
"The idea of being in love with her is so absurd?" His friend remained impassive. And the look that spread across his face was a look Ishida had never seen before; Defeat and elation simultaneously.
"I can't be in love with her." Ishida waited for him to elaborate as Ichigo's hand loosened around the cup
"I know, what I feel is far past companionship. If I had met her differently, perhaps if I never made such a ridiculous arrangement we could have been something more." The corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards and within the minute of silence Ishida could sense that his friend conceded. But this was not what he wanted. Ishida sighed taking a drink and decided he would try one last thing
"What does Rukia want?" That perked Ichigo's attention.
Typical
Ishida thought, hiding the smirk as he drank.
"I... well she said-" then it hit Ichigo, she never outright said what she wanted. Not once, it was all what
he perceived. Perplexed Ichigo remained quiet. Ishida knew he hit the right chord
"Have you ever talked with her about this?" Ichigo shook his head "Then maybe you are missing the
most important part of the equation, does Kuchiki Rukia want this arrangement to remain the same or
does she share the same feelings with you."Ichigo shook his head
"There's no way-"
"ANd how do you know that Kurosaki?" Ishida's voice raised slightly. Ichigo shrugged
"I just do, she has never said-"
"You never asked her!" Ishida shot back. Ichigo blew out a annoyed breath
"Look..." Ichigo firmly stated as his friend shut up with an irked face. " Even if, and a big IF, you are right..." His friends expression was smug which ticked him off slightly.
"There hasn't been a time where anything Rukia said could have been taken where she had wanted more than our current arrangement and if I decide to talk to her and she shoots me down, I will lose the one thing I am not willing to give up. If she doesn't want me the way I want her..."
Ichigo paused his voice softer and cracking slightly
" I don't think I can handle that Ishida."
Ishida nodded his head but kept pushing gently.
"You can keep quiet then. You'll have her in some ways but never all. Once this arrangement is over and at some point it will be over, you understand? Do you really think it would feel any different than her saying no to you?" The silence gave Ishida his answer.
"Ichigo you can decide whether or not your heart is worth putting out to someone you care about deeply, even love." Ichigo's eyes remained on the cup.
"Or you can give up and let it die out leaving you with a hell of a lot of regret." Ichigo spoke with a desperate but hopeful edge
"What if she says no?" Ishida sighed,
"You won't ever know until you ask her. Do you love her?" there was a slight hesitation but nodded slowly
"Then right now, the only person causing you this much pain and fear is yourself. Until you decided to take the step forward, you would be the only one to blame for your misery." Ichigo's eyes furrowed. He got up abruptly grabbing his bag and coat
"I gotta go." Ishida inclined his head and turned around to this sink. As he turned on the tap Ichigo spoke up
"Thanks Ishida." Surprised Ishida turned around to the back of Ichigo as he walked to the door. Ishida smirked
"Please don't make this a habit every weekend. As much as I do enjoy our sessions together I'm not paid enough for this." Ichigo grinned
"Che. Whatever." Shutting the door Ishida shook his head.
"What an idiot."
Rukia paced around her friends' apartment holding her cup of coffee whilst her friends sat around drinking coffee. Matsumoto spoke up first
"Rukia, honey, you're going to wear out the carpet." Rukia abruptly paused
"Hmm?" Matsumoto rolled her eyes and grinned
"Boy troubles huh?" Orihime who was in the kitchen cleaning heard and came rushing into the living room
"Boy troubles?! Kuchiki -san! Are you alright? Do you need me to take care of it?!" As she raised her frying pan that still has some soap bubbles remaining on it. At that point both girls blinked for a split second then burst out laughing at the confused and slightly flustered Orihime .
"No Inoue," Rukia giggled "It's not that kind of trouble, but I'll be sure to call if you if it ever turns to it." Orihime nodded happily as she walked back to the kitchen to set the pan down and grab her drink returning to the room. Matsumoto turned her attention back to Rukia
"So it's that guy you have been seeing right? Ichigo Kuro- somthing." Rukia rolled her eyes and nodded
"Yes, Ichigo Kurosaki. The literature professor."
"Sexy"
"Don't"
"I mean does he wear the glasses too?"
"Matsumoto..."
"Does he ever call you-"
"Okay either you give me advice or I will be walking out here promptly." Matsumoto laughed heartily
"You're no fun Rukia" Rukia stuck her tongue out. Orihime giggled .
"So let me get this right. You have feelings for this guy you've been sleeping with for half a year which started off with a no strings just sex kind of deal but, you haven't told him how you feel which is that in fact you may have stronger feelings beyond anything physical?" Matsumoto raised her eyebrows. Rukia sighed
"Look I get that right now it seems easy to fix but in reality it's really not, so less judgemental looks and more sympathetic ones please." Matsumoto grinned
"Alright alright I am here to help."
Rukia blew a sigh of relief
"So how do you feel about him is the first question."
"I... It's - well." Rukia realized the words wouldn't make it out. Matsumoto's eyes softened
"You're in love aren't you Rukia?" Rukia silently nodded. She took a minute then spoke
"If I say that I am out loud, it becomes too real and the very possibility of ruining, if you would even call this a relationship will happen. I don't think I can take that."
Matsumoto spoke gently
"But if you keep it in, it would eat you up inside." Rukia frowned slightly.
"But if I hold it in, I can keep this. Even if this isn't want I want."
Inoue asked quietly
"Do you even know what he wants?" Rukia smiled slightly but there was not warmth in her eyes
"Every morning he's gone." She laughed slightly but it felt forced. Inoue and Matsumoto looked worriedly at each other.
" Leaves before I am awake usually. But today he stayed slightly longer." Rukia's face turned wistful
"I almost thought he had wanted to stay, but that wasn't the case. He just overslept" By the end the sadness and tiredness etched in her voice could be heard. Matsumoto learned across her hand placed on her friends lap
"Rukia honey, you can't keep doing this. You can't keep lying to yourself and to him. That's not like you. You have to tell him how you feel." Rukia whispered in a small voice
"What if he doesn't feel the way I do?" Matsumoto gripped her hand
"Rukia look at me," Rukia's eyes met hers "There is nothing I want more than your happiness, but you have to tell him even if it means you will end up losing him and you don't know that will happen. You've been worried about your original agreement like it was set in stone. Hell I have never met a couple that spent as long as you guys have together without feeling an inkling of something." Rukia let out a small smile
"Telling him maybe could change a lot between you two, but it will set you free from the lies. For once in your life, take control and make it your own."
Rukia nodded wordlessly. A minute or so passed before Rukia got up dropped her cup in the dishwasher and bid her friends farewell. Matsumoto called out as she left
"Let me know if you get some later!" She winked and Rukia groaned
"Matsumoto!" Matsumoto cackled and Orihime waved sheepishly. Rukia grinned, at least she was feeling slightly better than when she got here.
Ichigo fumbled with his keys to his apartment. Muttering to himself
"... stupid, dumb, keys... stupid day..." He took a deep breath and opened his door. All he had to do was talk to her later. Or maybe he should call her to meet up with him earlier than planned. Then he would sit her down and he would ... he would...
Groaning he fell onto the couch his arm draped over his eyes. In his head this was so much easier. He could visualize what he wanted to tell her. All he needed to say came effortlessly. But his nerves brought him back to the present. Despite his conversation with Ishida and the revelation and determination that pulled him back to his house, he found once he got here his heart felt heavy and his stomach twisted. He wanted nothing else but to tell her, to finally be honest. But the fear was stronger than it was before. He was either going to feel the most elated he has ever been or be left with a broken heart, lonely once again. Moving his hand off his face he took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. But as soon as he pulled up her name, his doorbell rang. Surprised, he called out
"Just a minute!" walking towards the door and swinging it open, he could not hide the shock that was plastered on his face.
"...Rukia...?"
The minute he opened the door her heart was pound like drums in her ears and when he called her name with that shocked expression attached, she felt her stomach twist. Rukia wanted nothing more than to hightail out of the building but then he asked
"What are you doing here?"
She internally flinched.
This was going to be difficult. Swallowing, she spoke evenly,
"I need to talk to you." He nodded and gestured for her to come in. Rukia walked in slowly as he closed the door behind her. Awkwardly rubbing his neck he asked
"Would you like to sit down?" Still the gentleman . She smiled slightly and shook her head. He nodded and stood a bit of a distance facing her.
"I was just about to call you, you know." Her eyes widened slightly
Ichigo nodded fidgeting on the spot, his mind seemed elsewhere and his eyes swimming with emotions.
"What is it?" she asked
His nervousness was not like usual. There was a slight edge to it, almost, worried.
He shook his head
"You came all this way I-" It was Rukia's turn to shake her head
"Please." Ichigo breathed in deeply the look in his eyes sharpened and his back stood a bit straighter.
"I wanted to ..." His voice trailed off for a moment he looked lost, his mouth opened and closed. His eyes looked to his left before snapping back to hers
"I wanted to talk to you about this arrangement, between you and me" He gestured with his hands. Rukia's lips parted slightly.
"...Oh?" She cleared her throat " What about it?"
The words that came spilling out of his mouth took her breath right out of her.
"I don't want to continue like this." She balanced.
Oh no...
"No! Thats not ... I mean I-" He fumbled with his words, cursing. But Rukia could only hear the ringing in her ears and the horrible feeling sinking deeper into her stomach.
No no no...
"I didn't mean it like that. It's not that ... Rukia..." He groaned and ran his hand over his face "Fuck this... Rukia the reason why is because I am-"
"It's okay Ichigo" She could barely recognize her own voice. Never had she spoken so softly.
I fell for him... and I was wrong...
Ichigo shook his head
"No you don't understand, I-" She put her hand up
"I was thinking..." Her voice steadier than she felt.
"That this was getting to be too much."
The look on his face shifted and paled slightly
"Rukia... I ..." Ichigo shook his head trying to formulate words. "If space is what you need... then-"
She shook her head cutting him off. The look in his eyes almost convinced her that he was hurt. She mentally reprimanded herself.
It's just wistful thinking.
"I know we discussed what this relationship was. We've been together for so long I can't help but feel that it is a good time to stop." His eyebrows shot up.
"You want to stop?" His voice almost came out as a whisper and his eyes wide.
She nodded
"It would be for the best, for both of us. Before anything else happens that ruins... well this" She gestured between the two of them.
Her movements were mechanical and her words empty. It was as though she was back at the Kuchiki household; Emotionless, cold and calculating. As if striking a deal with a businessmen.
He swallowed
"Is that what you want?" His voice wavering, she noticed his hands clenching at his sides.
Was it what she wanted?
No
She didn't
But what choice did she have.
"Rukia" Ichigo's voice cut her thoughts slightly stronger than before.
"Do you want this to end?"
She nodded, not trusting her voice . Instead of relenting he continued
"And you feel nothing else?"
She froze... did he know? Was that why he wanted to end things to save her from the embarrassment of being rejected? If he did, did he think she was being a coward by running?
She nodded her head once again.
His eyebrows creased and his voice had a slight edge to it, hurt lacing his every word
"So you have felt nothing this entire time? Nothing more betwe-" He cut himself off immediately as his voice rose. Ichigo's eyes swiftly darted to the side recomposing himself. As though he spoke too plainly and revealed something he shouldn't. He flexed his hands as the minutes passed by in silence.
Rukia wanted nothing more than for him to accept her lie and let her leave with some semblance of dignity.
But her gaze caught Ichigo's fierce stare. The heat from it felt like he could see through her soul and uncover all her secrets, as if she laid bare before him. Rukia averted her eyes quickly not trusting the truth to be hidden from him.
"I don't" Curt and short.
His eyes narrowed
"You're lying." She bit her lip , refusing to meet his stare.
"Rukia, look at me."
She didn't.
Ichigo took a step forward and another. Panic swelled in her chest
Not long, he was within arm's length.
His hand reached out slowly and gently moved her face to meet his steady gaze.
"Rukia..." he whispered, she felt her knees go weak. " Please, look at me." Her eyes met his and widened. His were watery but what took her by surprise was the warmth that emanated from it.
That warmth, the longing... did he...? But he said he wanted to end...
Rukia's mind swirled too confused to think things through. She felt her legs move faster than her brain could process and spun around out of his arms towards the door.
He was begging. He could hear it in his voice but he didn't care. He moved slowly and gently trying not to scare her. As he stood before her an inch between them his hand lifted gently cupping her face to turn towards his. Once his eyes landed on hers, he knew.
The hurt... the longing... It was like his.
He knew she could tell. Her eyes screamed in confusion as to why he said one thing but deep inside felt another. He had messed up, immensely , trying to explain. And he needed to rectify it. But before he could voice any of this, she bolted taking him by surprise.
"Rukia! Wait no-!" She ran to open his door but he was faster. The minute her hand reached the door knob he grasped her wrist with one hand and pushed the door shut with the other above her head. He had trapped her between himself and the door.
"Let me go!" She spat. Ichigo's grip tightened
"No."
She growled
"Let. Me. Go. Kurosaki." He flinched but shook his head
"No! Listen Rukia I need you to know-"
"LET ME GO!" She screamed. His eyes widened as whatever control she had over her emotions came crumbling down, her body shook silently but there was no denying the whimpers that resembled crying. Ichigo's heart broke at the sound.
"... Please..." her voice steady as she could make it with a slight quiver.
Ichigo rested his head on the door above hers. His eyes softened.
"I'm an idiot aren't I?" He muttered gently. She didn't respond
"I made you cry." She flinched.
"I hurt you... because I couldn't even say what I wanted to say to you properly the first time." She shook her head begging him... begging him to stop. He smiled sadly, this was his last shot.
"I love you." He spoke, his voice unwavering. Releasing her wrist Ichigo took a step back. Her body stilled.
He took a deep breath
"When I said that I didn't want this to continue..." She winced and his heart ached.
"...I meant that I wanted more." If only his words would reach her. Like the words of his books, just to let her know how much he had come to love her, adore her, cherish her.
"I know I said that I never wanted a relationship. I had just gotten out of one. But over these past months, you stirred something within me that words can't explain..." He paused then smiled to himself
"I want to be with you, I want you. With all my heart and soul. Rukia, please, if you don't feel the same, this can stop and you never have to see me again." He watched as the tension in her shoulders eased.
"But..." He treaded carefully " If you do, all I ask is that you hear me out."
Finally, Rukia turned towards him. Her eyes glassy and her expression pained but there was a glimmer of life in them. When she spoke, he waited in baited breath
"You're in love with me?" He nodded moving carefully in front of her, his knuckle lightly caressing her cheek.
"With every fiber of my being." He whispered. That was all it took as her hands grabbed his shirt pulling him down to a fierce kiss.
"I love you." So soft and yet so sure of herself. Ichigo felt like his chest would burst. What it felt like to love and to be loved in return. It was overwhelming. Without missing a beat he picked her up and took her to the bedroom. Gently he laid her down. Her hair spilt across the sheets her mouth parted and her cheeks flushed. He leaned down hiding his face in the crook of her neck. Rukia's hand came and stroked his head.
"Say it again ." He softly asked. Rukia smiled
"I love you"
His gave a chaste kiss to her neck .
"Again."
His kissed gently down her chest pulling her blouse away. She sighed
"I love you"
"Again, Rukia" he breathed. His hands moved further down and her mind beginning to muddle
"I-I love you." She could feel his smile on her stomach before his lips traveled back up. She squirmed impatiently. His mouth hovered over her own, just barely touching her.
"...Rukia..." He whispered his breath fanning her. And when he finally touched her, she cried out. His mouth trailed kisses on her jaw and neck coaxing every sound out of her. He played her so firmly, so gently she could have cried. The moment she came with his name on her lips he sealed her cries with a kiss.
Ichigo waited until she caught her breath. Her hair amess upon the sheets, her skin with a slight sheen to it, she looked breathtaking
Leaning down his nose brushing against hers.
"Stay" She requested
He nodded
"As long as you'll have me." He kissed her deeply intending to keep his promise.
Rukia laid fast asleep and for the first time Ichigo laid beside her in the evening light. No fear of waking her up as he sneaked out of bed. No urgency to leave before she woke. For the first time since their relationship began, he didn't have to hide. He could stay with her and wake up beside her with no feeling that he would ruin what they had.
Her features were relaxed as she breathed softly. She looked so peaceful, so content, he never thought he would be privy to such a sight. His hand reached out brushing her hair away from her cheek leaning in and pressing a light kiss upon her lips .
"..mmm" He grinned.
"Awake?" She raised an eyebrow, eyes still closed
"Someone woke me up."
"Don't know anyone who would do such a thing to such a sweet tempered woman as yourself" Rukia snorted and opened her eyes. Ichigo's grin grew wider.
"Good morning." He leaned to peck her lips again.
She looked behind him to his alarm clock
"Good evening you mean." Ichigo leaned forward, his lips hovering over hers, his voice low
"It's honestly 'good' anything at the moment." She rolled her eyes as he grinned sneaking in a kiss.
Her smile slightly faded and something in her eyes shifted. Ichigo cocked his head
"Whats the matter?" She bit her lip
"…Did you mean it?" Ichigo was surprised, had she not believed him? But when her eyes connected with his he remembered he had before, given her no reason to believe him in the first place. His face softened
"Yes. Every word." Taking her hand and placed a kiss on her palm and held it against his chest over his heart.
"This is yours, it's always been yours." Rukia's eyes widened and her cheeks reddened. Embarrassed she turned away. Ichigo grinned. He rolled onto his side pulling her towards him.
"Get some sleep." He ordered.
She shook her head. Puzzled Ichigo pulled slightly away from her. Rukia rolled them over so he was on his back. Stradling him she leaned down and placed a kiss on his neck and jaw. His hands tightened against her hips.
"Rukia…" He groaned. She grinned
"I'm not tired." He quirked his eyebrows, grinning slightly
"What do you have in mind?" Playfully she feigned a look of innocence.
"Who knows." She smiled down to him "But all I know is that I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow."
He smirked
"Good, because there was no way I was letting you leave anyways." He sat up, his faces inches from hers and his eyes set upon her mouth.
"Oh?" She breathed
"I have over six months to make up to tell you in everyway possible how much I am in love with you." Her breath caught.
"I'm making up for lost time."
Thanks for reading!