Trash like me

by Toraoh-sama

After their imprisonment, the nightmare is far from over for Uryu and Ichigo... Traumatized, they have to cope with the aftermath of what happened. Guilt, fear and doubt ruins all hope of them achieving happiness together. Uryu gets sucked into a downwards spiral and has to face severe hardships on his own. M/M Ichigo/Uryu, OC/Uryu, rape/Non-con - Sequel to "Hero like me"

20. Eye of the storm

Chapter 20: Eye of the storm

The cold wind bit into Uryu's frame, causing him to him shiver. For hours now, he'd trudged through the streets, revisiting places where he had applied for jobs weeks ago, clinging to hope for a chance. Yet, each encounter only brought mockery from managers who dismissed him for his appearance, leaving him feeling increasingly defeated.

Uryu sighed, before blowing some warm breath between his aching fingers, tingling painfully beneath his gloves. Why didn't anybody want to give him a chance? He knew he looked pale and scrawny, his features accentuated by his cracked and ruined glasses, but they didn't have to hire him for his looks. He sighed again. Who was he kidding? Appearance was key when applying for a job, and he knew he looked awful.

Uryu's stomach roiled heavily, and a wave of dizziness passed over him. He groaned and slumped against the wall of the building he was walking past. Unfortunately, the food the old store clerk had offered him had only lasted a few days, leaving him back at square one. He had used his last bit of money to buy a packet of crackers, but now he could only afford to eat one a day, uncertain when or even if he would manage to procure food again.

His anemia had gotten worse as well, making him feel lightheaded all day long, but with no money for food, medication was completely out of his reach. Uryu quickly searched for a water bottle inside his pack and took a gulp, but it wasn't helping at all.

On weak legs, he pushed himself off from the wall on a grunt. He was so very tired and wanted nothing more than to lie down in a soft bed, with a good book and a hot cup of tea, but that would not be happening anytime soon. And so, he decided to call it a day after visiting the place he was headed towards, a popular ramen bar.

Carefully, Uryu stepped through the traditional sliding doors, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. It was already past dinnertime, and he had hoped the place would be somewhat quiet. Unfortunately, it was bustling with patrons, enjoying ramen, side dishes and idle banter alike. Just like the previous time he came to apply here, he suspected the conversation was going to take place right here, among the dining customers.

Uryu adjusted his glasses, summoning his last bit of Quincy pride before asking for the owner.

"Good evening, sir," he started as a middle aged man appeared in front of him, "my name is Ishida Uryu and I am looking for a job."

The man scoffed. "Oh, it's you again. Still haven't found anything?"

"No, sir, unfortunately not," Uryu replied. He tried to look the man in the eyes to show his resolve and confidence, although fake, but was distracted by the smell of food. His stomach roared, but Uryu thanked the heavens that it was camouflaged by the sounds around him. "Won't you please consider hiring me, sir? A crowded ramen bar like this could use—"

"Nope," the owner answered abruptly. "I'll tell you the same thing I told you last time; we only want senior students. I don't trust youngsters like yourself."

"B-but, I can assure you that I'm a hard worker and I'm really trustworthy, sir," Uryu tried, his voice wavering as he felt eyes on his back. A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed his suspicions that the room had gone somewhat quiet and people were staring in his direction.

"Look, kid, I don't know how you even think to ever find employment looking like a tramp, but—"

Feeling the grip of desperation close around his throat at being rejected yet another time, Uryu bowed down to the man. "Please, sir. For months now, I've been trying to find a job. I'm in desperate need of money. I'm diligent and committed, I won't let you down."

Uryu heard the man sigh, while snickers and mockery echoed from the audience watching them.

"No," the owner sternly answered, unaffected by his pleas. "As I said, I'm afraid you'll scare my customers away looking like a hillbilly."

"Hillbilly!" Someone from behind him yelled.

"Yeah, you stink of piss, you gay freak!" A bout of laughter erupted.

Uryu felt his heart sink, but didn't dare to look back, realizing boys from his school were present. Maybe even Keigo and Shingo. However, his hunger was so intense it pushed him to do things he would not have done a year ago. And so, for the fifth time that day, Uryu sank down to his knees and made the deepest bow he could for the owner of the ramen bar.

"P-please sir, give me a chance. I'm starving, and I'm even willing to work for leftovers. Please."

The crowd behind him jeered and threw insults and mockery towards him.

The owner cursed under his breath. "Dammit, kid, stand up, you're making a spectacle out of yourself."

Uryu felt his stomach turn and growl again, and with closed eyes he implored one last time. "Please, sir. Please, I am so hungry."

"I said no! I don't have time for this! Get the hell out before I call the cops. I won't have beggars like you tarnishing the reputation of my establishment."

"Get lost, loser! You're ruining our appetite!" Someone from the crowd shouted, but the Quincy didn't want to look back to see their mocking faces.

"Get out. Now," the manager sneered, unyielding and clearly agitated by the disruption to his patrons.

Uryu's heart sank even further at the finality of the rejection. He swallowed hard, fighting back the sting of tears threatening to well up in his eyes. The sneers and jeers from the onlookers only intensified his humiliation, each mocking word a blow to his already shattered pride.

With eyes lowered in shame, Uryu stood up and left the ramen bar without another word. His footsteps sounded as hollow as he felt inside. What was left for him? He had tried so hard to seek employment, but it was completely useless. He was treated like a pariah by friends, foes, and strangers alike.

As the freezing cold whipped at his cold and worn-out body, making him shiver, his head hung in defeat, causing his hair to fall in front of his face. Uryu sighed deeply, trying to shake off some of the humiliation. But it proved fruitless.

When he neared the end of the shopping district, Uryu passed an alley where staff from the adjacent restaurant were disposing of their trash. They were laughing and chatting away in mirth, seemingly oblivious to Uryu's hungry gaze upon them. He swallowed hard as the enticing smell of food hit him, causing his stomach to growl in anticipation.

On a groan, Uryu quickly gripped a lantern post to prevent himself from sinking down. Gnawing pain spread from his stomach up. It hurt. He had never believed starving would hurt so much had he not experienced it himself. Hunched over, he tried to appease his aching belly with his arms, hoping the awful pain would go away, but knew it wouldn't.

Maybe it hadn't been the wisest option to share his tuna and milk with Ichi, the stray cat that was his only friend, but he could not tell whether the animal was able to sustain itself or not, or when it had last found a bit of nutrition, and so he had given Ichi a share.

When the Quincy looked up again, he found the alley empty. The employees must have stepped back inside while he had been lost in his thoughts. Groaning, he pushed himself off once more, his legs carrying him towards the large trash cans almost instinctively. Uryu swallowed hard and hesitated for a long moment. But then, the pain from his agonizing belly ripped through him once more, and with trembling hands, he opened the sliding lid. The waft of decay and food assaulted him all at once, making him cough and causing his deprived stomach to roar in anticipation. He had to grasp the trash cans for support, standing on trembling legs.

Uryu felt his heart sink as he realized he had truly hit rock bottom. But the gnawing hunger was unbearable, and the pain was so intense. As much as he longed to ask Isshin and Kon for help, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Besides, he was in no state to endure Ichigo's retaliation again, neither physically nor mentally. He would rather die. And he was not even taking Ichigo's watchdogs, Renji and Sado, into account.

He sighed. It was hopeless. Utterly hopeless…

And so, with severely trembling hands, he started sifting through the garbage in the hopes to find something still edible that had been thrown away just now.

At the top of the dumpster, there was a lot of discarded produce, and between, there were a few pieces of left-over sandwiches. Uryu picked the one that looked the best, before retrieving his hand to inspect the food. He swallowed in anticipation as he wiped the piece a few times to try and get of any dirt. His stomach screamed, and Uryu could not restrain himself any longer. He took a bite of the sandwich and it tasted good and bad at the same time. Good, because he was finally able to eat something, and bad, because it made another crack in his severely broken heart. He devoured the thing in an instant, and it left a slight aftertaste on his tongue.

Uryu wiped his mouth a few times, fighting the bile that rose from eating too fast, hastily gulping down some water to rid himself of the faint but lingering taste of garbage, before sinking down onto the cold, moist pavement.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he gazed up at the sky. What would his mother and grandfather think of him now? He had been reduced to scavenging for food like a stray dog. Yes, that was exactly what he was—an unwanted, starving mutt, rejected by everyone.

As Uryu stood back up to scan the dumpster for a second serving, tears began rolling down his cheeks at the disheartening thought that this would be his life from now on. He had no money left, no one would hire him and he was completely isolated with no on to turn to. After everything he had done to protect Karakura town and its inhabitants, he was now free to sift through their garbage. He, a once proud Quincy...

Uryu wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his arm, before gobbling down a second piece of sandwich that left him with the same emotional scars as the first. Even though hunger was a cruel master, he couldn't shake the feeling of shame for giving in to its demands, for sinking this low.

On trembling legs, Uryu began trudging towards his shelter under the bridge. The pain in his stomach somewhat alleviated, but the ache in his broken heart all the more intense. He was just searching for his place in this harsh world, somewhere he could belong, but... he had only a shred of hope left that he would ever find such a place.

---

"So, class, I have a wonderful idea," Ochi-sensei, Uryu's homeroom teacher, said cheerfully at the end of the school day. "Of course, it's not a tradition here, but to better learn and appreciate other cultures, I've organized an extracurricular activity for Christmas Eve."

"Huh?" reacted one of the students sitting in front of Uryu, but he didn't really care to know who. "What do you mean, Ochi-sensei?"

She clasped her hands together, a smile lighting up her face. "Well, instead of having homeroom that day, you'll get to go home early to change, and then we'll have a Christmas celebration right here in our class."

"Oh! A party!" one of the girls interjected. "A real party? With decorations and food?"

"Well, yes, Aizawa-san!" Ochi-sensei smiled. "We'll decorate the classroom in advance, and I want all of you to bring something to eat, so we can all share together. It will be wonderful!"

Now, that immediately got Uryu's attention and he stopped staring out of the window to face his homeroom teacher in horror.

Oh no!

He could not even afford food for himself. It had been a few days since he had searched that dumpster for any leftovers, but it had been so emotionally hard on him afterwards that he'd only go for it another time when he absolutely could no longer stand the piercing hunger.

What was he going to do? Uryu's mind raced as Ochi-sensei started explaining more details for the party. He swallowed hard. He needed to talk to her about this, to find any excuse or explanation, but he was certain she wouldn't take it lightly.

"I am counting on all of you to be present, as it will count as your homeroom for that day. Party-poopers won't be tolerated."

As his tired mind worked overtime, Uryu's gaze crossed Sado's, who was staring at him. A surge of fake bravado made him shoot the tall teen down with one of his lethal glares, but it still took a moment before Sado averted his eyes. It had been over a week since they'd had that nice talk in the infirmary, and in the rare occasions the tall teen threw him a glance, Uryu had glared daggers at him. Sado had crossed a line, and he was not going to forgive him for what he said.

Ichigo was still absent. As was Orihime. And even though he shouldn't think about the Shinigami Substitute, Uryu couldn't shake the feeling that that couldn't be good.

Suddenly, the sound of the chime announced the end of the school day, and all students began packing their belongings, most of them chatting excitedly about the upcoming Christmas party. Uryu quickly glanced towards Ochi-sensei, who was giving instructions to his peers on cleaning duty for the week. He didn't want to give her an opportunity to ridicule him in front of the others again, so as soon as she walked out of the classroom, he planned to follow her.

Ochi-sensei headed towards the teachers' lounge, as Uryu had anticipated. Midway up the stairs, he stopped her.

"Ochi-sensei, can we have a word, please?" he asked hesitantly, already anticipating her displeasure.

She turned around, looking surprised. "Ishida? Is there something you want to talk to me about?"

"Yes, sensei, about the Christmas party."

"Ah, the party! I'm glad you're excited about it. It's going to be such a wonderful celebration."

"A-actually," Uryu pushed up his glasses and averted his eyes, "I-I don't think I can manage to bring any food."

A frown creased Ochi-sensei's face, making her look stern. "Well, if you're not good at preparing anything, there's still plenty of time to buy something. As long as everybody contributes to the party and the Christmas spirit, as they call it, it will all go well."

"W-well," his heart began to race, admitting this was not easy, "I won't be able to bring something store-bought either. I'm having a really hard time to make ends meet lately, and…"

Ochi-sensei's frown deepened, and she gave him an angry look. "Look, Ishida, I've been trying to overlook your appearance and your disregard for my warnings, but the Christmas party is mandatory. I'll be grading you for participation and spirit, and it's clear to me that you aren't putting in any effort these days."

"B-but, please let me explain-" Uryu attempted to interject, but was cut off.

"No, I won't tolerate you talking back either. Remember what I said about having your father come over to discuss this matter with me? Maybe I really should call him this time to let him know that his son's attitude at school is spiraling completely out of control, and that this is the second time in a matter of weeks that you've lied straight to my face. Would that amuse you, Ishida?"

Uryu clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes, hiding both his anger and hurt. "No, Ochi-sensei."

Why did he even bother talking to anyone? It seemed like everyone was deaf and blind to his problems. His homeroom teacher brushed everything off, and not being heard just made him feel even worse.

She folded her arms, still regarding him with disapproval. "Good. This will be your final chance before I really do take matters into my own hands, Ishida. I hope you'll learn your lesson this time. Your grades have been declining lately, and I must say, I expected more from a promising student like yourself. Much more. But it seems you've simply stopped caring about your school career, about your appearance, about everything, really."

Feeling his chest clench with desperation at her scolding, Uryu replied, "Y-yes, sensei. I'll do my best to do better."

"See that you do this time. And no more excuses for the party. You will be present and bring some snacks, like all of your peers. Understood?"

"Yes, sensei."

"Good."

With a heavy heart, Uryu watched as she turned around and walked away. That went well… He felt ashamed and completely demotivated right now. He had a good reason for everything, only, nobody gave a damn to hear him out. The weight of isolation pressed down on him again and made his legs weak. Biting his lip to stifle a desperate sound, he sank down against the rail of the stairs and had to sit there for a moment to stabilize his blood pressure.

His situation was already so very bleak… There was no way he was going to be able to bring any food to Ochi-sensei's stupid party. And… there was no chance anybody was going to help him out. That left him with two options: steal something, or simply forfeit the party. If he didn't show up, he was certain his homeroom teacher would be furious and really would contact his ex-father, but… at least that wouldn't make him a thief.

With a deep sigh, Uryu decided to stop dwelling on all of those problems for now. One thing at a time. And so, he went to fill his water bottles and find an empty classroom to do his homework.

---

The owner of the pawn shop scratched his chin and raised an eyebrow at the items Uryu had placed on his counter.

Uryu lowered his eyes and bowed down to the man as deep as he could. "P-please, sir."

"Kid," the man sighed, "I know you're in some kind of trouble from your frequent visits to pawn stuff at my shop, but… I can't take any of these items. They don't have any value and nobody is going to buy any of these."

Uryu swallowed and bowed down even deeper. Desperate as he was, he had attempted to pawn his only worn cooking pot, his backpack, and a few other items he could do without. The pot would be hard to part with, as it was his only means to heat water.

"Please, sir. I know it's not much, but…"

The man sighed again. "I'm sorry, boy, but I can't help you out this time. I wish I could, but-"

"Please!" Uryu had nothing to lose except his last shred of Quincy pride and self-worth.

The man took a deep breath. "Listen kid, you seem really desperate, so I'm going to tell you something I probably shouldn't but… If you're in that dire need of money, I know a few places where you can… you know… sell your body."

That made Uryu gasp and lock eyes with the pawn shop owner. "W-what?"

The man scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, it's not okay to tell a young man like yourself something like this, but, I know of a few places in town where a pretty face like yourself might-"

"No!" Uryu shouted, his body going rigid at the mere thought. "A-absolutely not. I'd rather die!"

"Whoa, relax, kid," the man quickly interjected, affected by Uryu's obvious distress. "It was only a suggestion, I'm not forcing you to do anything."

"I-I know…," the Quincy answered, while gathering up the belongings in front of him. "B-but I really can't…" He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to keep the cascade of horrible memories at bay so as not to have a breakdown inside this store.

"Hey, you alright?" Suddenly the pawn shop owner touched his shoulder and Uryu jumped.

"Don't touch me!"

The man immediately retrieved his hand and gaped at him for a moment, while the Quincy tried to calm down his palpitating heart and ragged breath. "Take it easy, kid. I mean you no harm. Forget I ever mentioned it."

"S-sorry… " Uryu managed. As he only found empathy on the pawn shop owner's face, he spilled: "I-I've been through so much, sir, and…" Chest constricting at feeling helpless and frustrated at how unbearable his life had become, he lowered his eyes in shame and kept silent. Then, his stomach growled and he doubled over from the pain on a soft whimper.

Uryu tried to push himself off of the man's counter, his face flushed from the humiliation he felt for being betrayed by his body at random times. All at once, a prepackaged sandwich came into view and his tummy growled even harder, making Uryu emit a smothered groan.

"Here, kid," the man pushed the sandwich even closer, and Uryu eyed him surprisedly. "That's what you need, right? Food? You told me so last time."

"Y-yes, but… aah." Uryu clenched his stomach again and felt his legs grow weak.

The pawn shop owner quickly got out from behind his counter with a chair. "Sit down for a moment, boy. It'll be alright. Neither of us would benefit from having you pass out in my store."

The Quincy did as he was told with a soft, "thanks." The man was absolutely right. If he passed out here, it was most likely he would end up in his ex-father's hospital, and he needed to avoid that place at all costs.

"Just sit down until you feel better. You have gone so pale, boy," the pawn shop owner helped to steady him on the chair. "I'll get you some water."

"Thank you, sir," Uryu rasped when he was handed a cup only a moment after. He quickly gulped it down.

"Sorry, kid. This is the only thing I can offer you," the man spoke and pushed the sandwich back in Uryu's direction. "My business isn't exactly booming, and so…" He sighed. "Here, I'll put your belongings back into your bag while you eat and recover, alright."

"Thank you, sir," Uryu repeated.

He felt miserable at not having succeeded in getting any money, as he had hoped to be able to buy a cheap snack for Ochi-sensei's Christmas party and something to fill his aching stomach, but he understood the pawn shop owner's reasons. The things he had brought were far from coveted items, but they were all he had.

At least, the man had provided him with food. And he was happy to get his cooking pot back, in any case.

---

Uryu sighed heavily, his breath forming a small cloud in the cold winter air. He was sitting on a bench in a crowded shopping street as the last daylight was disappearing behind the mountain where he went to gather chestnuts weeks ago. Christmas was only a week away, and even if it wasn't an official holiday in Japan, one wouldn't be able to tell by the number of vibrant green, gold, and red decorations that adorned the streets right now. The decorated windows sparkled with twinkling lights, heralding the arrival of Christmas.

Uryu had been staring at the entrance of a large convenience store for a long time now, debating with himself what to do. But the more he thought about it, the harder it became. If not for that blasted Christmas party…

He sighed again, looking at the gloved hands resting on top of his knees. The ardent winter chill had crept through his layers of clothing, attacking his aching body and making all his muscles stiffen up. Oh, how he longed for a hot cup of tea or a hot shower. Anything to feel warm.

As the Quincy rubbed his painful hands together, tingling from the cold, to try and keep warm, his dilemma started over again for the umpteenth time. He had no money, and Ochi-sensei ordered him to come to her party or she would contact Ryuuken. His options were: stealing something or simply not going to the party and facing the consequences.

Or he could just stop going to school altogether, and then all of this wouldn't be necessary.

In April, at the start of the new term, his ex-father would not pay for his tuition for his senior year, and neither could he. But if he stopped going to school, he'd have no drinking water and would be forced to use water from the river again. And it would probably go downhill fast from that point on, as it would be the start of his early demise, having no means to sustain himself, and having been unable to find any employment or any form of help.

Uryu let his face sink into his hands. He was so tired. Tired of having to go through all of this. Tired of overthinking every little thing in the miserable life that was now his reality. Even after enduring the horrors of Szayelaporro's prison he couldn't help but wonder: if he still had a roof over his head, would he have succeeded in rebuilding his life? It would have been difficult, yes, but he believed he could have managed. It would not be the same as before, but he would have worked hard to make it livable at least, even if he would still be rejected by all of his so-called friends. Now, having no certainties, no food, and no shelter, was what was really destroying him. His isolation only intensified his suffering.

His last shred of Quincy pride held him back from reaching out to either Ichigo or Sado again. Point taken. Even in his most desperate hour, he refused to turn to them. Not anymore. He'd gain nothing from trying to explain anything to them, nothing but getting hurt again.

And so, Uryu clung to the only logical thought in this entire scenario: if he went to the Christmas party, he could finally eat his fill for once. His muscles had withered away, leaving him thin and weak. Months ago, Ichigo had hurled insults at him, calling him a scrawny abomination. Uryu shuddered at the thought of what Ichigo would say now. His complexion had turned pale from anemia, his ribs visible beneath his skin, his legs weakened by continuous malnutrition. He was only a shadow of his former, proud self.

Having finally made a decision, Uryu stood up and stretched his frozen and aching limbs on a groan. He carefully looked around him to rule out that he was being followed by Kazuma or his bunch of idiots again, before finally stepping inside the shop.

The Japanese version of 'Jingle Bells' echoed through the store, and everything was decorated from top to bottom in glittering ornaments and twinkling lights. All the employees wore either a reindeer tiara with bells and all, or a Santa hat adorned with LED lights.

Unfortunately, Uryu didn't have time to take all of that Christmas overload in. As usual, the waft of food greeted him and made his stomach churn so hard he had to choke back a bit of bile. Quickly trotting towards a quiet isle, he gulped down some water to help settle his stomach. Wiping his mouth, he took a deep breath and looked around.

He'd actually been in this store a few times before, checking out their items and taking notice of the staff, weighing his options. But now that he'd actually made the decision to shoplift, everything seemed different. Before, he'd just felt defeated as he roamed through the isles, looking over the Christmas specialties, but now, his heart was palpitating from anxiety and he steeled himself not to keep looking around as it would look suspicious.

He had actually been in this store a few times before, checking out their items and taking notice of the staff. Considering what to take and looking for the fastest way out of the store. But now that he'd actually made the decision to shoplift, everything seemed different, tinged with an air of apprehension. Previously, he had roamed through the aisles feeling defeated, casting glances over the Christmas specialties. But this time, his heart was pounding with anxiety, and he steeled himself not to keep looking around as it would look suspicious.

Uryu swallowed before stepping towards the shelf where he had already selected his loot beforehand. It was a simple box with Christmas-themed cookies, the cheapest the shop offered, so he would feel less guilty about it. As he lifted the rectangular cardboard box with trembling hands, he sighed. Ochi-sensei had not specified how much she expected each student to pay for the snacks they brought, and his box was cheap. He was certain some of his peers would complain about it. But as he was not going to that stupid party for fun anyways, he searched within his shattered Quincy heart for a shred of courage. If he just stole this now, he would be able to eat a decent meal for once.

You can do this, Uryu.

He quickly tucked the box of cookies beneath his jacket, holding it in place with his left arm and hoped to exit the store unnoticed. There were a lot of people at this time of the day, and so he prayed the employees would look everywhere but at a scrawny teen that was barely able to stand up straight.

As Uryu carefully made his way towards the big sliding doors, he rounded a corner where a food tasting was apparently taking place. Unlike previous visits, a portable cooking station had been installed this time. Uryu couldn't help but stop at the sight and smell of the freshly fried tempura that was within his reach. He gulped hard and clutched his arms around his stomach at the heavy pain that shot up from his deprived tummy, an unwelcome reminder of the severe hunger wreaking havoc inside his weakened body.

The woman behind the fryer smiled at him and gestured to come closer, making the small bells on her reindeer tiara jingle in the process.

"Care to taste one, young man?" she asked. "We're improving our selection of pre-packed bentos, and I've enhanced the recipe for our tempura shrimps myself."

Uryu gulped again. "O-oh, but, I-I'm not sure, if…" Afraid to be judged by his gaudy appearance, he wavered and pushed up his glasses, averting his hungry gaze. He wanted nothing more than to grab the plate and stuff the food down his throat, lest he'd tumble over from having to watch the employee fry food right in front of his nose. However, he hesitated, unsure if stepping into the light would result in judgment or a request to leave.

"Don't worry, " the woman winked, "it's on the house of course. We only want to ask our valued customers for their opinion."

Valued customers? He looked like a beggar, with broken glasses and wrinkled clothes, but the woman was very friendly and didn't seem put off by his appearance. So Uryu's voice held a little more confidence as he replied: "In that case, I-I'll be happy to try one."

"Here you go," the woman smiled, presenting him with the plate. "It's an extra-large tempura. Perfect for a growing young man like yourself."

"T-thank you," the Quincy stammered as he accepted the small plate and a napkin, carefully balancing his hands as he still clutched the box of cookies beneath his upper left arm.

Uryu couldn't believe his eyes as he held the food in his hands: a large tempura shrimp with a side of tempura sweet potato and zucchini. He quickly swallowed to avoid drooling on the food, feeling absolutely starved. His stomach roared so loudly that Uryu blushed in embarrassment.

The female employee snickered at his reaction. "Oh, my tempura might just do the trick to quiet your hunger, young man. Take your time. I'm really interested in your opinion."

"O-okay," Uryu replied, his voice trembling with both hunger and gratitude.

The woman began frying another batch of tempura for other customers, allowing Uryu a moment of peace to enjoy his shrimp. Uryu carefully picked up the small wooden skewer, using it as makeshift chopsticks, and took a bite of his food. After the initial taste of bile in his mouth, he couldn't hold back a groan. It tasted divine. Now, truth be told, he was starving and would have enjoyed just about any food, so he wasn't sure if his opinion on the shrimp was unbiased, but he wasn't going to mention that to the cook. Hunger was the best spice, after all.

The female employee observed him gobble everything down and then lick his thumbs with another groan. She chuckled heartily, making the bells on her reindeer tiara flutter. "That good, huh?" she smiled.

"Yes, it's absolutely delicious," Uryu smiled back. "I could eat this every day."

"I'm glad to hear it, young man. I've worked hard to improve my recipe."

Uryu wiped his mouth with the napkin. "Well, your diligence has truly paid off, ma'am."

The woman's offer caught the Quincy off guard. "Care for another one?"

Uryu's eyes widened. "R-really? But…"

"It's okay," she winked. "Although there's a lot of customers in the store at the moment, most of them don't seem interested in my cooking right now. It would be a pity to throw this food in the bin. Besides, you seemed to be really enjoying my tempura, so…"

Yeah, she had no idea! With the little food he eaten these days, he would do anything to get another plate. Even if it wasn't a complete meal, it was far more than he had eaten in weeks. Not since his stay at the Kurosaki residence.

"I-if it's not a problem," he said shyly, "I'd love to."

"Coming right up," the woman smiled, before handing him a second serving.

"Grateful, Uryu thanked the female employee and began devouring his tempura. Just as he emitted a soft groan from the delicious flavors that overwhelmed his palate, a male employee wearing a Santa hat approached them.

"Miyuki, is this kid causing any trouble?" he asked sternly, eyeing Uryu angrily.

That immediately caught the Quincy's attention, prompting him to quickly swallow his food and direct his eyes at the man next to him. The male employee appeared to be in his early twenties, possibly even a part-time university student. His toned, unclothed arms were a showcase of his impressive physical shape. Uryu felt the weight of his judging gaze and swallowed nervously. He was ashamed of his appearance, but he did the best he could in his horrid living circumstances.

"No, of course not, Ryo," the woman hushed, looking irritated. "You're being rude to our customer."

"Customer, huh?" The man continued, rolling his eyes as he stepped closer to Uryu. "This kid's been visiting our store for days now, never buying anything. Really not suspicious or anything. And now he's stuffing his face with our free food. He's a stinking tramp."

"Ryo!" The woman shouted, undignified. "That's enough. Leave the boy be, and I suggest you don't judge people by their looks."

Uryu swallowed nervously and quickly set the plate down. "I-I better go," he muttered, carefully holding the cookies underneath his jacket in place. Mentally, he cursed himself for being stupid, for getting sidetracked by food. If he hadn't stopped at the tasting stand, he'd have made it outside long ago.

But the man was unyielding and came even closer, pushing Uryu backwards against his sternum, his eyes filled with disdain. "Yeah, I bet you'd like to leave, huh, little pauper? Without paying for the item you took, right?"

Uryu felt cold sweat break out on his forehead and took a step back, anxiety shooting up from his chest. "I-Item? I-I don't know what you're—"

The man cut him off, driving Uryu against one of the shelves and grasping his wrist tightly. "We both know that you're lying. I've been watching you, kid. I saw."

"N-no… I-I…" Uryu stammered in disbelief, his eyes widening in horror. Panic started spreading from his chest at having his wrist restrained, and it mingled with the desperation he felt for being caught at his first attempt to steal something.

"The only reason I haven't intervened yet was to catch you red-handed, the moment you tried to leave with your loot, you little thief! But then, you had the audacity to bother my sister Miyuki for free food as well!"

"Ryo!" The female employee shouted. "That boy hasn't done anything wrong. You're imagining things just because of the way he looks!"

"Oh yeah?" The clerk retorted. With a swift motion, he momentarily released Uryu's wrist to hold him in place by pushing his large palm hard down on his sternum, while he unzipped Uryu's winter jacket with his other hand and snatched the box of Christmas cookies from under his arm, holding them in the air for his female colleague to see. "Care to explain this then, boy?"

The woman gasped in disbelief. "B-but… w-why?"

Uryu felt panic start to overwhelm him, his knees growing weak. "I-I was g-going to p-pay for those," he stammered.

"Sure, little pauper. I'll show you how we handle thieves in our store," the man spat, handing over the box of cookies to Miyuki, so he could grip Uryu's wrists with both hands.

"N-no…." Uryu felt his heartbeat speed up, attempting to break free. "P-please, listen—"

"I don't need your sob story, kid. You're nothing but a thieving tramp, and you'll account for your behavior."

"But, Ryo," the woman softly spoke with a hint of compassion, "he's just a boy. I'm sure he has a reason for all of this."

"I don't care, Miyuki! Theft is theft!" Then he addressed the Quincy again. "You're coming to the office until the cops get here." At that, the man tried to drag Uryu with him, but his legs surrendered from the stress and he sank down.

"P-please, let me e-explain…" Uryu tried, desperately. He knew he was wrong, but he'd been left with no other options. He wasn't cut out to be a thief, he'd been caught at his very first try. His low self-esteem got another crack, feeling like he was good for nothing.

As Uryu pleaded for understanding, the male employee's face twisted into a sneer of contempt. "Get up, you little shit!" he bellowed, drawing the attention of several nearby customers whom made surprised sounds.

"Ryo! Lower your voice!" The woman snapped. "The customers!"

"Please, I-I can't…" Uryu stammered, his body devoid of energy, his head spinning from anxiety. "M-my legs…"

"Be like that then! I'll restrain you right here! Miyuki, call the cops!" In one swift motion, he captured Uryu's wrists behind his back and pressed his chest onto a table set for the food tasting.

Completely immobilized, Uryu's eyes widened in shock as he found himself in a compromising position. Bent over a table, his backside left unprotected, with the male employee looming over him. The thought of someone having power over him like this again was unbearable. All at once, terrifying panic assaulted him, rendering his limbs useless, overriding every rational thought except the instinct to escape. He wanted to scream, to push back, but his face was pressed sideways to the table, and all he could manage was a trembling plea: "P-please!"

"Ryo, stop!" Miyuki shouted, her voice filled with shock and concern as she stepped out from behind her food tasting stand. "Don't treat that boy like that!"

Her brother didn't let up, however, and pushed Uryu down even harder, earning a pained groan from the Quincy. "You think you can get away with stealing from us? I'll show you what we do with trash like you!"

"P-please… d-don't…" Uryu begged, as he felt the man even closer against his body in the process of holding him down. He was completely powerless, yet again, and that made another crack appear in his shattered heart. His frail attempt at resistance accomplished nothing but his damaged glasses sliding off his nose.

How weak he had become. Even a single human could easily overpower him in his current state. How Ryuuken would mock him for being so feeble, so helpless.

Then, Uryu felt himself slip away, his tired mind growing dazed. He could not do this. The continuous stress he had to face every day was simply too much, the lack of support was crushing him. He was just a pathetic ex-Quincy after all, an unwanted stray dog, a castaway wished dead. His body went completely limp from fear and stress, and he began taking ragged breaths as tears welled up in his eyes. Unable to get any words out of his mouth, he could only lay there while his tormentors started screaming inside his mind.

"Fuck hard! Whore!"

"Don't cry, Uryu-kun. You were such a great fuck."

"Ryo, please," Uryu heard the female employee's voice say from somewhere amidst the blur of his surroundings and the edge of reality. "I understand you're angry, but don't treat him so roughly."

"No," the man snapped. "If I don't make my point clear, he'll just do it again. So call the cops now or get father. The longer you wait, the longer I'll have to restrain him, Miyuki."

Suddenly, a voice interjected: "What the hell are you doing to my friend?"

"What?" The man made a surprised sound and loosened his hold somewhat, allowing Uryu to breathe more easily.

Uryu couldn't discern who had joined them or who would still call him 'friend' in this situation, but he was grateful nonetheless.

"Friend?" Miyuki asked. "Do you know this boy, miss?"

"Yes, " the girl retorted, her voice stern yet familiar. "Let him go, you baboon!"

"B-baboon?" Ryo answered, undignified. "You're friend's a thief, miss. This is what he got from stealing from me."

"S-stealing?" Her voice trembled a little, the shock apparent, and it made Uryu take a wavering breath, feeling ashamed and defeated.

"I-I'm afraid my brother is right, miss," the female employee said, her voice laced with empathy. "Your friend had this box of Christmas cookies hidden beneath his clothes."

Silence fell between them for a moment, the newcomer probably considering the situation. Uryu tried to make out her face without his glasses, but his vision was blurred from panic and his eyes brimming with tears.

Then, the girl let out a deep sigh. "Alright. I'll make you a deal."

"A deal?" Ryo repeated, sounding surprised.

"I'll pay whatever he owes you, but if you don't release him this instant, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll hit the moon!"

"Please, do as she says, Ryo," Miyuki agreed. "You're hurting that poor boy."

"Poor boy? This little thief? I told you, if you don't get father or call the cops, right now, I could do this all day!" The man's frustration was evident as he pushed Uryu down with renewed vigor, eliciting a distressed sound from the Quincy. Suddenly, Uryu heard a slapping sound. "Ow! Hey, what's the big idea, miss?"

"RELEASE HIM BEFORE I LOSE IT!" the girl hollered.

Uryu still didn't know who this mysterious savior was, but she seemed like a spirited individual. When another few whacking sounds followed, as well as a few grunts from the man holding him down, Ryo suddenly released him. Although very much relieved, Uryu was not capable to move nor stand up, his veins still saturated by panic, and he struggled to calm his pounding heart with raspy breaths.

"Ishida?" the familiar voice asked, her tone filled with concern, and he felt a gentle hand touch his forehead. "Ishida, are you alright? It's me, Kuchiki Rukia. Just rest for a moment; I'll handle this."

With a soft groan, Uryu tried to focus his watery eyes on the girl hovering over him, but he couldn't see or speak yet. He emitted a wavering sob, realizing it was once again a Shinigami who had to come to his rescue, a Shinigami who had to see him at his worst.

Grateful for managing to hold back his tears, Uryu attempted to force some words out of his mouth, but could only produce a soft, distressed sound.

"It's alright, Ishida," Rukia whispered reassuringly. "I'll pay that baboon right now, and then I'll get you out of here." Determination shone through in her voice, but the Quincy was not sure how she would pull that off.

"Look, miss, it's not that easy," the male employee growled. "That pauper may be your friend, but I just caught him stealing. I can't simply let him go. He needs to learn responsibility and face the consequences of his actions, or he'll just come back to steal from us again."

Uryu's panic started subsiding little by little, and he tried to refocus his eyes on the people next to him. He could only make out their shapes; it was still too soon to completely regain his senses.

"I give you my word that he'll never set foot in this store again," Rukia said sternly. "And I'll pay for whatever it was he took. So please, let him off, just this once."

"Your word, miss?" Ryo's skepticism was evident in his voice. "Forgive me for being blunt, but that doesn't hold much weight around here. How can I trust that he won't return and cause more trouble?"

"Aww, Ryo," Miyuki interjected. "Take a good look at that poor kid, you've scared him to death."

Uryu noticed all their faces turning towards him, his eyes slowly regaining some of his vision, but without his glasses, everything was unclear anyway.

Rukia persevered. "I understand your concern, but I assure you, Ishida will not be a problem again. If he does, you have my word that I will personally ensure he faces the consequences."

Then, the Quincy gasped in surprise as he saw Rukia, the smallest figure, bowing down to the man, begging to let him of the hook.

The female clerk bowed down as well. "Please, Ryo, for my sake as well. I'm sure that poor boy had a reason for doing all of this."

The tension in the room was palpable as Ryo's gaze shifted between Rukia, his sister, and Uryu, contemplating Rukia's offer. Finally, after a long pause, he took a deep breath before nodding reluctantly. "Fine. But this is your responsibility, miss. If he sets foot in here again, he won't leave so easily."

Rukia nodded in acknowledgment. "On my Kuchiki honor, you have my word, " Rukia vowed formally and bowed down once more. "Thank you, " she said to both siblings, before straightening her back again.

"Thanks, Ryo," Miyuki smiled.

"Yeah, yeah," the man said with a hint of disdain still in his voice. "Now get him out of my sight while I talk to our concerned customers. You can pay for the cookies at the register with the rest of your groceries, miss."

"Will do," Rukia replied.

Then, Ryo came close to Uryu again and sneered. "You heard the deal, kid. Don't ever come back to this store or you'll be sorry, you hear?"

Uryu had regained enough of his senses to push himself into a sitting position, hands still trembling from the emotions. "Y-yes, sir. I-I'm sorry…"

"Take care, boy," Miyuki softly added, handing him his glasses back. "And please don't make the same mistake again." At that, she quickly followed her brother towards some concerned customers to try and explain the situation.

Left in silence, Uryu gaze locked with Rukia's and he quickly wiped his watery eyes. "T-thank you, Kuchiki-san."

She quickly approached him and gave a reassuring squeeze in his shoulder, keeping her hand there. "Are you alright?"

Uryu struggled to voice a 'yes' as her touch provided him with a little bit of support he so desperately needed. She had referred to him as her friend and that made his chest clench. Feeling his emotions get the better of him, he averted his eyes in embarrassment and quickly wiped them again.

"First, I'll get you out of here, then we can talk, if you want," Rukia said, her voice filled with concern. "Can you stand?"

"I-I'll manage," Uryu replied, the last remnants of panic fading away. Slowly, he tried putting his feet onto the floor again, clearly feeling the strain on his weakened body. He took a moment to steady his trembling legs but remained on his feet by grabbing the table.

"Lean on me until your legs get their strength back, Ishida. And I don't take no for an answer," Rukia insisted, her determination evident.

And so, with one arm around his waist and the other carrying a basket with groceries, they shuffled towards the cash registers.

A moment later, both the Quincy and Shinigami found themselves outside. The freezing wind blew into Uryu's face, making him take a deep breath, forming a cloud in the dark sky. Night had fallen since he entered the store, and being in the shopping district at this hour unnerved him. The fear of running into Kazuma or his goons again made him swallow.

"Ishida?" Rukia interrupted his thoughts. "Are you okay? You seem even paler than before? I think you'd better sit down for a moment."

"Y-yeah," Uryu agreed, still feeling incapable to walk all the way back to the bridge.

Her arm still firmly around the Quincy's waist, Rukia guided them towards a well-lit corner of a small square with a row of benches. As Uryu sat down, the girl quickly placed her bag of groceries next to him.

"It sure is cold outside, so just a sec." She trotted off towards one of the many vending machines, probably to grab herself a hot drink.

Uryu sighed. How he longed for a hot cup of tea or a bowl of soup, anything warm. However, he couldn't bring himself to ask Rukia for a drink when she had already helped him out so much. The girl was a Shinigami, and he could only wonder why she was doing groceries, let alone ask her to take him to a tea house or something.

What was he going to tell her? She was bound to have questions. She must still be staying over at Ichigo's, helping their fallen hero out. After Sado's cruel judgment, Uryu didn't dare to hope to find even a little understanding anymore. With another sigh, he just let his face sink into his hands. He didn't know what to do and decided to let Rukia take the lead in the conversation.

He couldn't do anything right. He was even incapable of stealing a stupid box of cookies.

Then, something hot was pressed to his gloved fingers, and Uryu looked up in surprise to find Rukia smiling at him while holding out a warm can of tea.

"Here you go, Ishida. I know you like green tea," she said gently.

"B-but," he gasped, "I-I don't have any money to repay you."

"Don't worry about that. You looked like you could use something to wash all those emotions down," she replied, her eyes full of empathy.

Why was she being so kind to him? Uryu felt his chest tighten again as a pang of a powerful emotion, one which he had almost forgotten, called friendship stirred inside his severely broken heart. Rukia's compassion stood in stark contrast with how all his other comrades in arms had been treating him for months now, both Shinigami and Fullbringer alike.

"T-thank you again, Kuchiki-san. F-for this, for e-everything," Uryu stammered as the petite Shinigami came to sit next to him, placing her own can on her lap. He was still hesitant about what to tell her, but showing his gratefulness was the least he could do, considering the girl had really done him a solid back there.

Rukia's voice suddenly sounded very serious as she spoke: "When I saw how that man was treating you, I could almost feel steam coming out of my ears. I just couldn't stand by and look the other way when one of my friends was in obvious need."

Uryu's chest tightened a little more, and he opened his can of tea to camouflage the wavering in his voice out of sentiment. "Y-you still consider us f-friends, Kuchiki-san?"

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked without hesitation, fidgeting with her can.

Uryu was astonished by her decisive tone but didn't have an answer to that. Rukia probably didn't know the whole truth, unlike Renji and Sado, or perhaps she wasn't as biased as those other two.

He closed his eyes and took a sip from his green tea. How long had it been since he drank one? It felt wonderful, and the arctic wind circling them made the warm liquid all the more pleasing. When he opened his eyes again, he found Rukia struggling with her can, huffing angrily.

"Here," he smiled softly, "let me."

"Oh! You're so good at this, Ishida," Rukia exclaimed as the Quincy easily opened up her can. "I'll never get the hang of it; it's so difficult in this darn Gigai."

Uryu chuckled. "I bet." Acting so trivial around someone had been a while, and it made him feel a little like a human being again.

After the Shinigami took a sip of her milk tea, and Uryu had done the same, she suddenly changed the whole conversation by placing the box of Christmas cookies onto Uryu's lap. Immediately, the weight of what he had attempted pressed down on him, and his face fell, his shattered heart growing heavy.

Clutching the box between trembling fingers of his free hand, he muttered, "I-I'm sorry… I didn't want to shoplift, but…"

"You don't have to apologize, but…," her empathic eyes locked with his, "can I ask why you were stealing?" Her face morphed into a concerned expression. "I mean… I didn't peg you for a… well, a thief. At all. Someone like you wouldn't do that without good reason."

Uryu would have preferred to avoid this conversation altogether. But then again, he would have preferred not to be forced into stealing something for a stupid school assignment, or lose his home, or be pushed aside by his friends.

He took another sip of his tea, not wanting it to go to waste, and let out a deep sigh. "I-I'm going through a rough phase… and I have a lot of d-difficulties making ends meet. I needed the cookies for a school assignment, a-and…"

"A school assignment?" Rukia asked, trying to get him to share even more.

"Y-yes, for a Christmas party which I have to attend. But, I c-can't afford anything like this, I can hardly afford something for myself." Hesitating, Uryu fell silent for a moment, trying to calm his throbbing heart as he carefully weighed his words. "Ever since we got back from that awful prison, my life has been a n-nightmare…" Hearing his voice break on that last sentence, he quickly shielded his face with his hair by looking down, not wanting to show his vulnerability again.

"That bad, huh?" Rukia asked before sipping her tea. "I can imagine a lot must have happened for a Quincy as yourself to go to such lengths."

"Y-you have no idea…" Uryu whispered, quickly taking a gulp of his green tea to try and keep his emotions under control.

Suddenly, Rukia placed her tiny palm over his hand, watching him intently. "Is there… something I can do? Do you need help?"

Uryu quickly bit his lip to stifle a choked sob that he couldn't hold back. Even though he desperately needed help, he knew he couldn't ask Rukia. She could not provide him with lodging, money, or food. She could not make Ichigo forgive him. She could not make the bullies disappear, nor find him a friend at school. There was nothing she could do but show him this moment of support, which would inevitably fade away as quickly as it had started.

"T-thank you, Kuchiki-san," Uryu whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I really appreciate it, b-but… I'm afraid there's nothing you would be able to do to change my situation."

"Do you want to talk about it? I've told you before you could come to me."

Uryu lowered his eyes to his lap. He desperately needed a listening ear, but he knew it would be best if Rukia remained unaware of his dire situation. If he told her about his miserable living circumstances, she would likely pry into how it had gotten to this point. And after what happened with Sado, he absolutely did not want to discuss the events between him and Ichigo. He had misjudged Sado before, thinking him incapable of being so cruel, so he was not ready to stomach a blow of that sort again. He was certain she'd insist on involving Ichigo, and he couldn't handle another confrontation with him. Ichigo had made his point clear, over and over again, no matter how hard Uryu had wished for another outcome.

Taking another sip of his tea to mask the emotions swirling inside him, Uryu spoke with defeat in his voice: "I… I can't, Kuchiki-san. It's so complicated, a-and… unfortunately, there's nothing you can do…"

Rukia watched him with concerned eyes, before taking a deep sigh. "Your secret's safe with me, you know. I'm not telling Ichigo anything about any of this. And especially not about… you know… the cookies."

Rukia was definitely not as rash as her pineapple-boyfriend. "Thank you, Kuchiki-san." Uryu took another sip from his tea and sighed. "If Kurosaki knew you met me here… he'd probably be furious."

"It's a free country, Ishida, and I'm not Ichigo's dog or something." She firmly stated before sipping her tea again.

"Y-yes, but… I don't want… to cross him again…" Uryu lowered his eyes towards his can of tea at the hurt that rose from his severely broken heart.

"I understand, Ishida," she squeezed his hand again. "If you're not ready to talk, I'm not going to force you. But know that I'm here for you."

"T-thanks," he muttered, feeling conflicted. Here he was sitting next to a person who wanted to help him, but simply couldn't. He took a deep sigh before sipping his tea again.

"You're probably not up to this right now, but Ichigo hasn't been doing that well either," she stated flatly.

Uryu had preferred not to talk about the Substitute right now, but it seemed it always got to that subject anyway. Sado had already confirmed his suspicions on Ichigo's breakdown, and discussing him would only reopen his wounds. It was hard to forget the last words Ichigo had hurled at him, whether the Substitute had been in his right mind or not. So, he simply told her the truth. "I-I know. B-but… he doesn't want my forgiveness. And… he wants me to keep away from him."

Rukia sighed before taking another sip. "That morning when we came back from Soul Society, I believe you were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. Ichigo had business with Captain Kurotsuchi, and… something happened there that left him completely on edge. Renji won't tell me anything, not even after I beat him up, so that means it had to be bad."

Uryu looked at her in awe. He had not expected Rukia to tell something like this at all. His tired brain worked overtime to take that information in. "I… I see."

"He broke down completely after he found you in his house. I had never seen him like that, he was just… unhinged. And after you tried talking it out with him, Ichigo completely lost it."

Uryu felt his heartbeat pick up just by listening to her, even if he did not understand why. So he simply nodded and took another sip of his tea, the warmth doing little to soothe the ache inside him. "Y-yeah… that much I know."

Rukia gulped down her milk tea before continuing. "That's why I'm in the world of the living, you know. Both Renji and I, actually. We were given permission to assist Ichigo in protecting Karakura Town for the time being, but... the both of us are here to look after Ichigo."

"I-I see..." Uryu answered, his inner turmoil intensifying. Ichigo received support from so many friends and his family, while there was no one looking out for him. He was but a stupid ex-Quincy, of course. Not a hero like Ichigo. Did Rukia assume he could turn to other friends, just like Ichigo and Sado thought? It stung, reinforcing his feelings of worthlessness. "G-good to hear Ichigo has... you guys."

"Yeah," Rukia sighed, seemingly unaware of the impact her words were having on Uryu. "Ichigo's out on patrol right now, with Renji watching him, so... I wanted to make myself useful and offered to go grocery shopping for dinner tonight to help Yuzu out."

"T-that's nice of you, Kuchiki-san." Uryu pushed his glasses up and took another sip of his tea. The freezing wind was already cutting through his clothes again, chilling his weakened body. But that was nothing in contrast with how miserable he felt.

"Ishida? What's wrong? You look really troubled." Rukia suddenly asked. Then she gasped, probably realizing her mistake. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's because I'm going on about Ichigo, isn't it?"

Uryu looked at the can of tea between his hands, knowing she could read the truth on his features either way. "Yes," he softly stated, before spilling even more, unable to keep back. "E-ever since… I stayed over at his house… I… I can't get his s-sneer out of m-my mind."

"Ichigo was wrong to shout something that horrible at you," Rukia quickly reassured him. "That's why Renji and I immediately went to look for you. Renji beat me to it, assuring me that you would be fine, but…"

Yeah, that sounded like Renji. The man knew everything that had happened in Szayelaporro's lab, but still didn't seem to understand how much he was suffering.

Uryu's voice broke when he whispered: "Abarai told me n-not to do anything rash, but…"

The Quincy couldn't help but feel his shattered heart clench in despair as he remembered Ichigo's words again.

"You're the reason my life is completely fucked up, Ishida! I wish you'd just go kill yourself somewhere! I wish you would just die!"

He took a quivering breath, knowing the sorrow on his face had to be clearly visible, but he was incapable of hiding it. Not even in front of a Shinigami.

This was exactly why he hadn't wanted to discuss the Shinigami Substitute… The mention of Ichigo stirred up a whirlwind of emotions within him, a mix of longing, sadness, and resignation. He knew he had to let Ichigo go, had to stop clinging to the hope of repairing their friendship, but that did not mean he could extinguish the love he still held in his heart. However stupid and naïve he might be, he could not make such a powerful emotion vanish overnight.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up, Ishida," Rukia said softly as she squeezed his hand again. "I know you must have too much on your mind already, but… I understand how much Ichigo must have hurt you."

"It's okay… Kuchiki-san," Uryu whispered, feeling tears prick the back of his eyes, and quickly downed the rest of his green tea in the hopes to keep his emotions under control.

"But there is one thing you should know," the girl continued steadfastly, "Ichigo tries to hide this from everybody, but he can't fool me. I know that he still cares about you, even if that sounds insane right now. After all I witnessed between you two, you probably won't believe me, but… I know he does."

Uryu took a shuddering breath as he tried to process that information, his eyes wide and gleaming with tears. He quickly put his cookies and his empty can aside, afraid to drop them from his trembling hands.

She was right. That sounded absolutely insane. Even after all those times Ichigo had yelled at him, even after all those times Ichigo had hurt him, wounded him, Uryu had tried his best to understand the other boy's point of view. He'd offered his forgiveness, loyalty, and friendship time and time again, but to no avail. Ichigo had made his point very clear, and Uryu no longer sought to comprehend his behavior. His instinct of self-preservation demanded it.

Feeling his emotions get the upper hand, the Quincy just buried his face in his palms. He couldn't take this anymore. Just as he thought he had mustered enough courage to put Ichigo out of his mind, Rukia dropped a bombshell like this. The constant struggle between nurturing a shred of hope and having his heart blown to pieces was killing him.

"S-Sorry…" Uryu's voice cracked, tears spilling from his eyes. "It's… t-too much…"

Suddenly, Rukia draped an arm around his shoulders. "Even though it hurts me to see you like this, Ishida, don't be sorry for letting your emotions out. It'll make you feel better."

And that's what Uryu did. For a moment, he couldn't utter a word, but just cried to help appease the turmoil in his shattered heart. Rukia kept his arm around him and whispered soothing words that everything would be okay. But little did she know how fucked up Uryu's life was right now. It was impossible that Ichigo still cared about him. He had hollered that he should go and kill himself. It was not going to be okay. How desperately he wanted to tell her about the amount of shit he found himself in, he was done with being judged and with being hurt.

There was no way out of this…

Help was not coming. Not for trash like him anyways.

"It's alright, Ishida," Rukia soothed. "You're strong and levelheaded, you'll find a way out of whatever is haunting you."

Uryu did not have an answer to that. Rukia was completely ignorant. It was clear she did not know anything about what went on in Szayelaporro's prison, and Ichigo apparently kept her in the dark as well.

Feeling completely spent right now, Uryu decided to just go along with her. He wanted to make it back to his hideout to curl up and sleep the weekend away, to appease his hurting mind and body. "Y-you're right… Kuchiki-san. I'll manage."

Uryu quickly wiped his eyes and tried to regain some of his composure, hoping she didn't see right through him.

Rukia squeezed his shoulder before retrieving her arm, her eyes full of empathy. "I know you will, Ishida. I know unrequited love bites, but… just give yourself time to heal and to move forward. You got this."

"You're right. I-I got this," Uryu lied, wiping his eyes again.

"That's more like it," she smiled. "Are your legs feeling better? Want me to walk you home, just in case?"

Uryu felt his heart grow cold at that and quickly stammered, "T-thanks, but t-that won't be necessary."

"You sure?" she asked. "I would feel really guilty if you had to crawl your way back, you know."

"N-no, it's fine. See?" Standing up slowly to mind his blood pressure, Uryu raised from the bench and took the box of cookies under his arm.

"I better get going then, Yuzu is waiting for these groceries to start dinner, and I'm already quite late, so…"

"Yeah," Uryu agreed, feeling his stomach churn at the mention of dinner, even though he'd had two pieces of tempura. Rukia's eyes widened at the sound, making the Quincy's face flush with embarrassment.

"Are you hungry, Ishida?" she flatly asked, but the look on Uryu's red face already gave her the answer. Hoisting the bag of groceries over her shoulder, she quickly rummaged through it before handing him two big, freshly made senbei crackers, wrapped in plastic. "I got these for the road, but… you can have them, if you want."

Uryu gasped, then swallowed at the delicious smell that rose from the senbei. "B-but…" He looked away in shame.

"It's alright, Ishida. You told me you have difficulties making ends meet, right? Unfortunately, that's all I can offer, as Yuzu needs everything else I'm carrying for dinner."

Hesitantly, Uryu grabbed the senbei with trembling hands. He could really use the sustenance. "T-thank you, Kuchiki-san. For everything."

"Don't mention it," she smiled. "But please, do remember, that if you are ready to talk, you can always come to me."

"I-I will…" he lied.

With that, they exchanged goodbyes, and Uryu hurried towards his hideout, walking as fast as his legs could carry. He absolutely did not want to run into Masaki or Kazuma again, especially not when it was dark outside.

As he trudged through the biting cold, Uryu couldn't help but yearn for the comfort of a hot bath, where he could thaw his frozen body and soothe his troubled mind. He sighed at the thought, adjusting his scarf to shield himself from the relentless wind.

His heart was filled with sorrow, as he did not dare to hope Rukia's words to be true. He just couldn't. Not after all that had happened between Ichigo and him. But at the same time, the girl's compassion had upped his motivation a little. He had gotten what he came for in the end, a box of Christmas cookies for his stupid assignment. And although tonight's events had left him devastated, the weight of the cookies and the senbei he now carried felt like a small beacon of hope.

---

Two days later, on a Sunday evening, Uryu found himself battling his demanding stomach. Though Rukia's senbei had provided some relief, he had nothing else to eat.

Desperate, he searched the trashcans of restaurants in the evening, scavenging for leftovers. But finding something edible was not that easy, leaving him with profound scars on his broken self-esteem.

A handful of times, Uryu had been chased away while sifting through the garbage in creepy back alleys, mocked and shooed by employees. He didn't dare to revisit those places.

That night, he found himself once again in front of the Lotteria snack bar. His stomach ached terribly, and Uryu quickly gulped down a bottle of water, hoping to ease the pain a little.

The last time he had visited this place, the owner had been blind to his obvious need, but a few compassionate strangers had left him some food. He could only hope the same would happen today. Gathering his courage, and praying he wouldn't encounter any peers, he stepped inside.

As with all diners or shops he entered, the aroma of food caught him off guard, no matter how hard he tried to steel himself against it. He swallowed hard, trying to keep the water he had just drunk down. The place was bustling with customers, typical for a Sunday in Karakura town. Uryu waited near the door, out of sight of the employees at the cash register, to remove his gloves. He winced as his red and painful hands adjusted to the shift in temperature.

He didn't want to try pleading with the manager for a job again; it would be futile anyway. So, after loosening his scarf and opening his coat, Uryu took a seat at an empty table, observing the dining patrons."

"Suddenly, a group of youngsters stood up, and Uryu hurried towards their table.

"That's okay, boys, I'll clean the table for you," he tried with a half-smile.

"Huh?" One of the teens answered, eyeing him skeptically.

"Why?" another one asked. "We can do it ourselves."

"Oh, but it would be my pleasure, gentlemen," Uryu replied with as much fake enthusiasm as he could muster. "The owner is still debating whether or not I can work here, so you guys would do me a huge favor by letting me clean this up."

"Whatever, man," one of them shrugged. "Do what you want."

With that, the younger boys made their way towards the exit, and Uryu quickly scanned their trays like a predator. The kids had left three French fries, and he eagerly gobbled them down, mindful of the bile that filled his mouth. Then, he returned to his seat, ready to repeat his actions when another customer left.

"That's alright, miss, I'll clean the table for you," he tried with a forced smile.

"You can leave your trays, sir, I'll take care of them."

"Let me handle this, ma'am. It's no problem at all."

Most customers didn't care and let Uryu clean their tables. While most of the trays were empty, the Quincy had managed to find a handful of French fries. It wasn't much, but it was something, and it beat having to sift through garbage.

Now, why hadn't he thought of this before? As long as the manager didn't kick him out, he could scavenge all evening long. Plus, it was comfortably warm inside, and he could use the facilities as a bonus.

After disposing of trays for some time, and taking a quick restroom break, he began to feel dizzy and quickly sat down to drink some much-needed water to help settle his blood pressure. His cheeks felt warm for once, and he probably had regained a little color simply by being inside during this freezing evening. He hadn't felt this warm since taking a bath at the Kurosaki residence.

While he packed his plastic bottle in his backpack again, a tall person stood up from one of the stalls to the side. Uryu quickly hurried over there and put on a smile.

"You can leave your trays, sirs. I will…" Without finishing that sentence, Uryu gasped in shock as the man in question turned towards him. His heart grew cold as recognition dawned upon him, and he could only stare at the group of three in disbelief.

It was Masaki, the tall guy he had met at the capsule hotel, one of Kazuma's accomplices.

Two other men stood up from their seats inside the stall, and who else could it have been but the fat and the ugly man, Hiroki and Tetsuya.

"Why, hello there, pretty boy," the man said with a honey-coated voice, as Uryu just stood there gawking for too long.

The trio's eyes were all directed at him, and Uryu found himself rooted to the spot, his heart pounding in his chest. He took a step back, his eyes darting around the crowded diner to find someone, anyone willing to help him get away from these creeps.

"Wait a minute. Isn't this…" the fat man scratched his head.

"It is! Just our luck!" Tetsuya declared. "Grab him, boss!"

Oh my god!

Just when Uryu had thought he'd found a way to gather some food a rather easy way, he bumped into Kazuma's henchmen again. Luck was never on his side. His heart sunk as he whispered: "N-no…"

With a large grin, Masaki stepped forward, reaching for the Quincy with his large hands. "I promised you we'd find you, didn't I? And I always keep my promises."

Uryu took another step back on a sharp gasp, his mind racing with fear and panic, when his backside hit the table behind him where a couple was eating. His eyes never leaving the grinning threesome in front of him, and he took another step back before Masaki could get a hold of his wrist.

"Hey! Watch it, kid!" the man at the table in question yelled, but Uryu was preoccupied with the trio in front of him. "Goddamit, kid! My food!"

Suddenly, the Quincy found himself grabbed by his coat by the person whose food he had just disrupted. The man was shouting and hurling things at him, but Uryu's attention was fixed on Masaki's dark leer.

"Hand him over to us, man," Hiroki, the fat guy, stepped forward. "We'll deal with the little brat."

"He's been bothering you too, huh?"

"Yeah, he's been a pain in the ass for long, but we know just how to deal with him," Masaki grinned, his strong palm closing around the Quincy's wrist.

Panic by having his wrist restrained made something inside Uryu snap. He had to get away. At all cost. He had to!

Uryu yelled at the top of his lungs, his body tense with adrenaline, and as Masaki reached out to grab him, Uryu stomped down hard on the foot of the angry patron holding his collar.

The man howled in pain and released Uryu's collar, staggering backward with a loud: "Fuck!"

"Hey!" Furiously, the man's girlfriend, who had remained seated at their table, jumped up, intending to shove Uryu. However, very much on edge and in a split-second reaction, the Quincy skillfully sidestepped her, causing her to inadvertently push her boyfriend into Masaki's path.

"Whoa!" the tall man exclaimed in surprise as he stumbled backward, colliding with Hiroki and Tetsuya who were standing behind him. The couple fell forward, and the combined weight of their fall landed them on top of Masaki, causing a chaotic chain reaction. Trays clattered to the ground, and several tables and chairs toppled over in the process.

Suddenly, it grew eerily quiet in the Loteria as all eyes turned to the source of the commotion.

Here was his chance!

Grateful that he hadn't been overwhelmed by panic for once, Uryu turned around and dashed for the sliding doors, uncaring of the mockery, shouting, and other sounds that came from behind him. His only objective was to get away from Kazuma's goons; nothing else mattered.

When he made it outside, the freezing cold immediately attacked him, but he didn't have time to zip up his jacket or wrap his scarf around his neck. Pushing his weakened body beyond its limits, he bolted from the snack bar as fast as he could.

It didn't take long before he heard a familiar voice yell: "You run, boy! We just love playing catch!" followed by laughter.

He didn't have to look over his shoulder to know the trio was on his tail. Fear and stress released another surge of adrenaline into his bloodstream, and although panting hard, Uryu did not stop. The echoes of heavy footsteps behind him told the Quincy they were gaining on him.

Please. Please let me have a little bit of luck right now. Just for today. Please.

Uryu's heart pounded in his chest as he bolted down the street. He ducked into a narrow alleyway and darted around a corner in a desperate bid to shake off his pursuers. His weakened body protested heavily, but he could not afford to slow down. Any fate, anything, was better than getting caught by Kazuma's henchmen and being dragged back to the capsule hotel for them to do with him as they pleased.

"Come on, kid," one of them yelled, "we're not gonna hurt ya!"

"Yeah, we just wanna fuck ya!"

They all laughed again, making Uryu's blood run cold, his breath coming in ragged gasps and fear shooting through his veins, knowing fully well that they wanted to do precisely that.

Uryu's mind raced, trying to find a strategy to lose them. He could not go to his hideout under the bridge, as it would no longer be safe there. But his weakened body couldn't handle much more either, he was already getting dizzy.

"Come on, little one, we'll make you feel good," one of them shouted.

Uryu felt his hear skip a beat as he couldn't help but think about that moment when Kazuma had said the same…

For a moment, all he could hear was the frantic rhythm of his own breath. Then, from behind him, came Masaki's voice, dripping with sinister amusement.

"Run, little rabbit! We're right behind ya!" Their laughter echoed off the walls, sending a chill down Uryu's spine.

He was terrified of Masaki and his accomplices. Absolutely terrified. The mere thought of what these men wanted to do with him, and what Kazuma would do to him, was overwhelming. His sanity and his life were at stake, and the fear of it all nearly made his heart give out. But somehow, he found a way to use that fear to his advantage, pushing his body far beyond its limits with his last shred of Quincy pride.

A year ago, he was taking down Hollows, fighting alongside Ichigo against the most powerful Espadas. And now? Now… he couldn't even outrun a trio of humans. The realization stung like a fresh wound, fueling his desperation and making another crack in his severely shattered heart. How his ex-father would mock him. How Ichigo would mock him. Probably Renji and Sado as well… Because he was nothing more than a pathetic, ex-Quincy.

In a final effort to escape their perverted clutches, Uryu bolted towards the middle of a well-lit square of a crowded shopping street. His legs hurt from the strain, and he was taking ragged breaths, his aching lungs working overtime and his vision blurring.

At the end of his rope and terrified he was going to faint then and there, Uryu screamed: "Help! Help me!"

The desperate plea pierced through the bustling noise of the street, causing a few heads to turn in his direction, and Uryu hoped that would be enough to throw Masaki, Hiroki, and Tetsuya off his trail. Standing on severely trembling legs, heaving for breath, his eyes darted around frantically, scanning his surroundings. However, amidst the sea of faces, he did not spot Masaki or the other two. He looked again and again, trying to fill his lungs with air, his heart feeling like it might burst. But among the many people hurrying home bearing Christmas presents, he couldn't recognize the tall, ugly, and fat figures he dreaded encountering.

Could it be that they'd given up pursuit as he stood amidst the crowd and under the bright lights? Could he have actually outrun them?

A flood of relief spread up from Uryu's aching chest and the mix of emotions got the better of him. Groaning, he collapsed near a lantern post on the freezing pavement, his body and mind utterly spent.

As he lay there, his face turned sideways, he struggled to fill his lungs with raspy breaths, moaning from the exertion of pushing his body this far. Suddenly, movement caught his attention from the corners of his eyes, and he braced himself. This was it. The trio had been waiting for him to break down after all. He was done for.

But then, an elderly woman, wearing a green, woolen scarf, hovered over him, concern evident in her eyes. "Are you alright, dear?"

Before Uryu could even try to form an answer, another figure appeared beside him. A good-looking man in his early twenties, wearing glasses and a distinguished, silver-lined winter coat. "What's going on, kid? You need help?"

Uryu attempted to look around once more, but still didn't see any sign of the three kidnappers. Had he truly managed to escape their clutches? The faint glimmer of hope brought tears of relief to his eyes. Exhausted and unable to get up, he searched for a believable explanation for his condition, and he didn't even have to lie.

"L-low b-blood pressure…" he managed to stammer, his tongue thick in his mouth, his body heaving from the effort.

"Low blood pressure?" the lady repeated, concern evident in her voice. "Oh my! Should I call an ambulance?"

Uryu's heart skipped a beat at the suggestion. No, an ambulance wasn't necessary. Especially not if it meant ending up in his father's hospital. A dash of Quincy pride bloomed in his heart, providing him with a little adrenaline.

"N-no…" Uryu panted, his voice strained. "W-will be o-okay… N-need r-rest…"

"Don't worry, kid," the young man reassured him. "My little brother has low blood pressure as well. You probably just overexerted yourself. Allow me to help."

Uryu hummed in agreement and rolled onto his side, but he was still too weak to get up.

"Let's get you onto that bench over there, shall we? The pavement is freezing cold and it might make your condition worse," the man said, his face softened with compassion. "Could you give me a hand, ma'am?"

With gentle assistance from both strangers, Uryu was carefully guided to the nearest bench. As he settled onto it, he couldn't help but groan once more from the world still spinning around him.

"There, there," the woman whispered, gently holding Uryu in place by his shoulders until he could manage to sit up without help.

"T-thank you," he rasped, trying to focus on their smiling faces.

Without asking Uryu for permission, the young man promptly zipped up the Quincy's jacket and fastened his scarf. "You need to protect yourself better from the cold, kid. It's freezing, and the last thing you want is hypothermia."

"S-sorry," Uryu whispered, knowing that the man was right, but as he was being chased by three creeps, it didn't seem like a priority at the time. He then reached for his backpack and started downing a bottle of water to help settle his blood pressure.

As Uryu drank, the woman looked at him with concern. "Are you feeling any better now, dear?"

Uryu nodded weakly, unsure if they could see through his blatant lie or not. Then, all of a sudden, his stomach rumbled loudly in response, betraying his roaring hunger. Uryu looked away in embarrassment after he saw the two strangers whisper between them. He sighed, knowing his disheveled appearance would probably make them judge him. He didn't want to impose, but at the same time, he felt relieved that they stayed with him for the time being. Masaki, Tetsuya, and Hiroki wouldn't dare to approach him anymore, if they were still around.

When the young man suddenly trotted away, Uryu sighed again. Had the kind man run out of patience, or was it something else, Uryu honestly couldn't tell.

The elderly woman came to sit next to him on the bench and soothed: "It's going to be fine, dear. I'll stay with you for a little longer."

"T-thank you," was all he could say to that. He clutched his water bottle between his achingly red fingers, courtesy of not wearing his gloves during the chase either.

It stung that the good-looking man hadn't even shared a word of farewell or anything, but… he knew he looked like a beggar and that didn't exactly inspire people to be kind or helpful towards him. Even if he was grateful towards these two strangers for helping him out the way they had.

He tried his best to look as society would deem acceptable, but… without a bathroom, a washing machine, and an iron, that was incredibly hard. He still needed to wash himself in the blistering cold using cold water every day because he could only make a fire every few days. He struggled with this a lot, as it made him feel inadequate, but there was nothing he could do. He was already giving it his all in an impossible situation.

Uryu sighed deeply and just watched his red fingers for a while. He should really put on his gloves, but at the moment, he felt all of his motivation drain away. The emotions of having escaped Kazuma's goons were still wreaking havoc inside his heart, and he could predict his sleep would be even lighter than usual tonight. If he'd manage to close an eye at all.

It was a school night, and although he'd rather not go to class tomorrow, he knew he should. He needed to get water, and he could be comfortably warm inside. Who knew what would happen at the start of the next year in April, as he would be unable to pay his tuition fee. And that was if he survived the winter outside…

The old lady was talking to him, but Uryu wasn't really paying attention to her. He was too submerged in his own thoughts and too exhausted to engage in conversation. How he longed for his old life, but… that was only a memory now. The hope of finding a place, a person, where he could belong was diminishing with each passing day.

He knew it was impolite not to engage with the elderly woman, but he could only hope she would understand his silence. Even though he felt the cold seep through his clothes, Uryu decided to remain in the well-lit square a while longer, ensuring that those creeps weren't lurking in the shadows.

Suddenly, a plastic container with a stick of takoyaki was held in his line of sight, prompting him to look up.

"You really need to eat something, boy," the young man smiled at him, his eyes filled with compassion. "A salty snack always helps my little brother out too. I hope you like takoyaki, though."

The good-looking guy placed the plastic container into Uryu's hands, and he gasped in disbelief. Inhaling the delicious smell of the takoyaki made his stomach roar in anticipation. "F-for me? B-but…"

"It's alright, dear," the lady chirped. "It's on me. I can only hope it will help with your blood pressure, though."

Although his body still suffered from the cold, a flicker of hope warmed his shattered heart a little, and he bowed down to the two strangers, grateful for their kindness. "T-thank you…"

After both the young man and the elderly woman ensured that Uryu felt a little better, they bid him farewell and continued their journeys home. Uryu did the same, though his place could hardly be described as a home.

After all the emotions of that stressful evening, Uryu tried to hush himself into sleep with the thought that there were still decent people in the world.