-Faith, Love, and Forgiveness - Chapter Three: Absolution-
Kaeda House: Two nights later
'How the can she still be asleep after four days?'
Kouta looked over at the clock, sighing quietly to himself before turning his attention back to the sleeping Diclonius. Yuka had gone grocery shopping, and as it was his turn to sit with Nyu, he stayed behind.
"What in the world happened to you?" he asked outloud to no one in particular. After their goodbye that fateful night, Kouta returned home and spent the rest of the night and most of the following day in his room alone. He never thought he'd see the pink-haired Nyu (Lucy?) again, and that thought both comforted and distressed him at the same time.
Part of him hated her for what she had done to his family, but there was no denying that the other part of him deeply loved her. Not just the innocent and childish Nyu, or the lonely little girl from the orphanage, but all of her, even the part of her that had murdered his family. He remembered how Nana had said once that of all the Diclonii at the Institute, Lucy was one of, if not THE, most hated and reviled one there.
If sweet, compassionate Nana was treated as badly as she claimed, Kouta didn't even want to think about how bad life for his childhood friend must have been.
'She probably did something to deserve it.' he thought bitterly, but then almost immediately regretted it. Nobody deserved to be hated that badly, no matter what they had done.
Some slight movement caught his attention, and as he watched, the girls face contorted as she mumbled something in her sleep.
'She looks like she's having some kind of nightmare again.' he thought to himself.
After a couple of seconds, the sleeping Diclonius emitted what sounded like a barely audible, distorted "I'm sorry..." as a silent tear slipped out of Lucy's closed eyes and ran down her face.
Kouta reached out towards the sleeping girl, and after a moment of hesitation, brushed some of her bloodstained pink hair out of her face. Surprisingly, this seemed to calm whatever was distressing her, and Kouta couldn't help but smile at the way she seemed to relax.
"I know you can't hear me, but... I'm really glad you came back." he said quietly while gently stroking her face and hair. "It doesn't matter to me if you're Lucy, Nyu, or both. You're here, and that's what counts."
Taking her hand in his, the young man gave it a gentle squeeze and closed his eyes, silently thanking God that she returned instead of simply walking out of his life for good. "I was so scared I'd never see you again. I know how stupid that must sound, but it's the truth. I never wanted things to end the way they did... no matter what you've done, you still deserve to have a chance at a normal life, and..."
Kouta stopped long enough to wipe his teary eyes, giving Lucy's hand a gentle squeeze as he continued. "...and you still deserve to be loved."
"No, I don't."
He jerked his head up in surprise, relieved beyond words to see her staring up at him. "Nyu! Oh my God, you're ok! We were so worried about you!"
"We?" she asked in apparent confusion. "Yuka, Mayu, Nana... even Wanta. We were all so scared after you passed out. We tried, but we couldn't get you to wake up."
Lucy opened her mouth to speak, but began to cough. "Hold that thought." he said as got up, returning a few seconds later with a small bottle of water for her.
"Can you sit up?" he asked.
"Yeah, I think..." the Diclonius replied.
Seeing her obvious discomfort, he bent down and slipped his arm behind her neck, slowly helping her into an upright position. Without a word, Lucy reached for the bottle of water, taking several deep gulps from it before screwing the cap back on.
"Thank you..." she said in almost a whisper.
"I'm so glad you're back. It's been so long, I was kind of worried that I'd never see you again." he admitted.
"How long...?"
Kouta thought about it for a moment. You got here just a few days ago, but the last time I saw you was about... five or six months ago."
If this discovery upset her, she didn't show it.
"I won't stay here long, don't worry. Give me a day or two and I'll leave."
Kouta stared at her, speechless. "But... why? Why do you want to leave?"
"I don't belong here, Kouta. After everything I've done, I have no right to be here. I... I don't deserve any of this, and the others shouldn't be forced to live with... with something like me." she answered, turning her head so she didn't have to look in his eyes. "It's better this way. After I'm gone, maybe you'll finally find happiness..."
Out of all the reactions she expected him to have, slapping her was not one of them.
"Kouta...?" she said in confused surprise, a hand reaching up to touch her stinging cheek.
"You being gone isn't going to make things any better! Can't you understand that!?" he asked in frustration. Stunned into silence for perhaps the first time in her life, all the Diclonius could do was stare at him in disbelief.
"No matter what you've done, or how many people you've hurt, you belong here with us. I want you to stay, and Yuka, Nana, and Mayu do too."
"I doubt anyone but you still wants me around, Kouta... especially not Nana, not after..." she said, her voice trailing off as she vividly recalled their first meeting and the resulting fight.
"I know what happened between you two."
Lucy turned away, shame and regret clearly heard in her voice. "I... I guess she told you what I did to her."
"Yes, but that's not all she said about you." Kouta replied. Lucy sat there in silence, trying her best not to fall apart emotionally as she waited for him to finish. Nana had been scarred and maimed by her more than once, and not just physically. Lucy didn't even want to think about what sort of horrific details she might have divulged.
"She told us... she forgives you for what you've done to her."
Lucy turned to face Kouta, staring at him with equal parts confusion, surprise, and skepticism. "S-She really said that?"
Kouta nodded, staring into her beautiful red eyes.
Lucy looked down at her lap, her body trembling as she fought to keep her composure. "I don't deserve her forgiveness, or anyone else's. I know you still hate me for what I did, so why would you wa-"
"I don't hate you, Nyu..."
"Why not? I murdered your family, Kouta. If you hadn't stopped me, I would have murdered your cousin, too. You have every right to hate me, so why the hell would you possibly want to be anywhere near me?" Lucy asked as her eyes filled with remorseful tears.
"Because I still love you." he answered, his voice breaking as he too began silently crying.
Lucy lifted her head for a brief second, but turned her face away. The sight of the only person she ever truly, heart-and-soul loved crying was breaking her heart, and knowing that he was crying because of her actions made it so much worse. Lucy closed her eyes, gripping his hand as silent tears ran down her face.
"I've been thinking about it, and... I think Nana's right. Life IS too beautiful for hate, but it's also too short for it. How can you ever really love anyone if your heart is full of resentment and anger? Even if it still hurts, you have to move on, or you'll be trapped by your own hate and bitterness forever. I can't... no, I WON'T live like that anymore..." Kouta said.
"What are you saying..." she began, but was too choked up with emotion to even finish her sentence.
He squeezed her hand gently. It was now or never.
"I'm saying I... I forgive you..."
The moment he said those words, it was as if all the hate, resentment, and anger infecting his heart disappeared, and he knew immediately that he had made the right decision.
"...W-What...?" Lucy asked, opening her teary red eyes.
"For murdering my family, and for all the pain and sadness that came after it... I forgive you."
For a few moments, time seemed to stop completely, then they latched onto each other and hugged like it'd be the last time either of them ever did it again. "Kouta..." she said, but her voice broke, and Lucy went from silent tears to soft, outright sobbing.
"You belong here. You always have, and you always will. Please... will you stay here with us?" he asked.
Lucy just nodded her head and hugged him tighter as the two of them cried on each other.
"I'm sorry... Kouta, I'm so sorry..." she sobbed in a tone only slightly louder than a whisper. This was the moment she had been hoping and praying for for years. As far as Lucy was concerned, she wouldn't have cared one damn bit if she dropped dead on the spot. The person she loved more than anything in the world, the one who was her only friend in childhood, the one who's family she had murdered, had at last forgiven her.
"I'm sorry too.." he choked out, crying just as hard as she was, "I should have forgiven you the night you left. I knew you were sorry, but all I cared about was MY pain and grief. I broke your heart, and... and I'm so sorry. Do you forgive me?""
Lucy clutched him tighter, whispering that of course she does as both of them sobbed and held each other.
"I love you." Kouta unexpectedly told her.
"I love you, too." she replied after a few seconds of struggling to get the words out.
It was right about then that he heard the door slide open. Whether Lucy heard it or not, he didn't know, but if she did hear it, she ignored it. This moment was far more important to her than whatever or whoever just walked in.
"Hey, Yuka got you some of thos-" Nana started to say, but stopped when she caught sight of Kouta and Lucy, still crying and holding on tightly to each other. The young Sipelit couldn't help but smile. Part of her wanted to go over and hug them both, but she stopped herself, knowing this moment was theirs, and theirs alone.
"Nana, what did you do with the bag of..." Yuka started to ask, but stopped when she saw that not only was Nyu finally awake, she and Kouta were obviously having some kind of deeply emotional moment. The Sipelit quietly pulled their door closed to preserve the couple's privacy.`
"What did we just walk in on?" she asked Nana in confusion.
The girl looked up at Yuka with a hopeful smile, her purple eyes shimmering with tears of her own.
"A miracle."
Five hours later
Nana woke up to pee for what seemed like the tenth time that night. While on a shopping trip with Yuka and Mayu, she had discovered a previously unheard of invention called "soda", and as a result was now completely addicted to the stuff.
Lying back in bed, Nana stared up at the ceiling with a sigh, completely unaware she wasn't alone until she heard a voice behind her.
"Can't sleep either, huh?"
Bolting upright, she turned around and saw Lucy sitting cross-legged on the floor behind her. How she hadn't seen the older girl when she walked back in was a complete mystery.
"Lucy! Don't do that, you scared the hell outta me!" Nana exclaimed.
The pink-haired girl gave her a slight smile, moving closer to the younger Diclonius. After several seconds of awkward silence, Nana finally spoke first. "Umm... are... are you ok? Is something wrong?"
For a moment, Nana considered the possibility that the older girl had come there with hostile intentions, which were somewhat reinforced when the first thing out of her mouth was, "You told Kouta what happened to me when I left, didn't you?"
Nana froze, an old fear creeping up her spine as she slowly tried to subtly inch further away.
"Didn't you?" she repeated.
The purple-haired girl stared at her in silence for several seconds before nearly-whispering a quiet "yes" to her question, seriously considering releasing her vectors in case things turned violent.
"How did you know?"
"What...?" Nana asked in surprise.
"How... did... you... know?" Lucy asked.
Nana swallowed nervously. If she told her the truth, there was a chance she was going to die. If she lied, there was an even bigger chance she was going to die. Knowing that there was no way she could beat even an injured Lucy, she decided to just tell the truth and hope for the best.
So, she did just that, then waited fearfully for her reaction.
"...You did that for me?" Lucy asked
'Huh?' Nana thought in confusion. This wasn't quite the reaction she expected.
"You idiot! You could have died pulling that little stunt!"
Nana fidgeted with her hands, not sure what to think of the older girl's reaction. "I know, but I had to do it. You... You were badly hurt and no one knew why, so I thought... if I do this, we might find out what happened to you..."
Lucy considered this for several seconds before speaking, "You shouldn't have risked your life for someone like me... I'm not worth it."
The older Diclonius tried to get up, but the younger grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. "Yes, you are!"
"Did you forget what I did to you the first time we met? Why would you care what happened to me?"
"Because... because in some ways, you're like a sister to me, and... you've suffered more than I have." Nana said gently.
This was the last thing she expected to hear.
Lucy turned her head away, her lower lip trembling slightly.
"I saw your memories of you and Kouta... and that girl, Aiko. I also saw what happened to you the night Papa died; You fighting that little girl, that man on the beach... and even you saying goodbye to Kouta." Nana continued. The Queen said nothing, her eyes cast downward as she mentally replayed her and Kouta's last moments with each other.
"What else did you tell him...?" she asked quietly.
"Huh?" Nana asked.
"I want to know what else you told him."
Nana nodded in understanding. "I told him... that you love him more than anything else in the world, and that if someone is sorry for something they did, you're supposed to forgive them, even if it still hurts."
The older Diclonius stared silently at the floor, fighting back her tears. "Why would you even bother? It's not like I deserve to be here."
"Lucy, you deserve the chance to be happy here, even if you don't feel the same way." she said comfortingly.
"Nana..."
She turned her face away, but not before Nana saw the tears in her eyes.
"Are you ok? Why are you crying?" she asked her in a gentle tone.
It took several seconds for her to get her emotions at least somewhat under control.
"I ripped your body apart and enjoyed every second of it, and you're still being kind to me? You have every reason to hate me for what I did, so why don't you?"
"Life's too beautiful for hate, Lucy."
Too ashamed to even look at her, the Diclonius Queen put her face in her hands and quietly began crying.
"Are you ok?" the Sipelit asked in concern.
"I'm so sorry, Nana... I had right no right to hurt you like I did." Lucy whispered tearfully.
Giving the older girl a knowing smile, Nana leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her. Amazingly, she didn't resist the Sipelit's attempt to hold and comfort her.
"Please don't cry, Lucy... I forgive you."
She didn't know it yet, but their willingness to forgive her had just planted a seed that would someday grow and enable her not only to accept forgiveness, but to give it as well.
After a moments hesitation, she gave in and hugged her back, crying softly on the the purple-haired girl's shoulder.
That one small gesture of trust was all Nana needed to be convinced that Lucy truly desired to atone for all the sins she had committed against others. It wouldn't happen overnight, and she'd probably never be a 'good girl' like Nana herself, Mayu, or even her childlike self, Nyu... but it was a start.
"You're going to live here with us, right?"
Lucy nodded, bringing an unexpected smile to Nana's face. "I'm glad. We've all really missed you."
"You've missed Nyu, not me..."
"When I said we've missed you, I meant ALL of you."
Letting go of her, Lucy used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes. "You're all idiots..."
"Well, I guess that's why you fit in here, huh?"
"Bitch."
Nana laughed, and the older Diclonius smiled without even realizing it.
"I'm happy you're back. If you ever need to talk, I'm here... ok?"
"Y-Yeah... sure."
Soon after, Lucy returned to her own room and shut the door, happier than she'd ever been in her entire life. Kouta had forgiven her, Nana had forgiven her, she was welcomed back to their little 'family''... It was more than she ever could have asked, and for the first time, she finally felt peace in her heart and soul.
Almost... There was ONE thing she still wanted for.
Wearing the same white top and green boxers she had worn during her first fight with Bando on the beach, Lucy walked silently down the hallway and slipped inside Kouta's room. Even seeing him sleeping made her teary-eyed. He not only told her she was forgiven, he told her he loved her, too. Granted, she knew he might not be referring to romantic love, but she'd vector that bridge down when she got there.
Quietly coming over, she slipped under the covers and carefully slid as close to him as possible. Unfortunately, it soon became clear he was a much lighter sleeper than she thought.
"Who the...? Yuka?"
"Nope."
"Mayu?"
"Try again."
"Nana?"
'If he says 'Wanta' I'm kicking him in the balls and leaving.' she thought in irritation.
A few seconds later...
"Nyu?"
"...Close enough." she said as she snuggled closer to him. To her immense joy, he turned to face her and didn't try to pull away.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked. He didn't sound angry or unhappy, just curious.
"I... I just..." Lucy began, thinking for a moment how she should word her response.
"Wanted to be close"? he finished. Lucy just nodded, hoping his human eyesight wasn't good enough for him to see her blushing.
Kouta sighed, but there seemed to be a slight smile on his face. Taking this as an invitation, she inched closer until her and Kouta were right up against each other, their faces only a few inches apart.
"I wanted to thank you again..." she said quietly.
"You're welcome, but you really should be thanking Nana instead." he answered.
"I already did."
After a short period of silence, Kouta reached up and brushed some of the pink hair out of her face. "I'm sorry about... well, everything you went through. I didn't know things were so bad at the orphanage, or that other place."
"It's over and done with. I'm here with you, and that's all that matters to me." Lucy replied.
"What about everyone else?" Kouta asked.
"What about them?"
Kouta looked at her, but said nothing for several seconds. "Are they really that insignificant to you?" he asked her quietly. There was an obvious sadness in his tone of voice that made Lucy realize immediately that she had hurt him again, though it was completely unintended.
"I'm sorry..." she said, looking down to break eye-contact. "I'm... I'm not saying I don't want anything to do with them, and I'm not saying I don't care about them. I'm just trying to say that you are, always were, and always will be, my reason for being here."
"I get that, but we're not just people who happen to live at the same address. We're a family, and we want you to be part of it." Kouta explained patiently.
"I know that. and I DO want to be part of it. It's just..."
"Yes?" he prompted after several seconds had passed.
"I've never been part of a family. I don't know anything about being sociable with them, or anyone else for that matter. I don't have any experience with going shopping, or watching movies, or cooking, or anything else families do with each other. I can't just snap my fingers and suddenly be normal just like everyone else."
Kouta just smiled, reached a hand under her chin, and gently lifted her head until he could see her face.
"You're willing to try, right?"
"What?" she asked in confusion.
"Are... you... willing... to... try?" he repeated.
"I don't understand, Kouta. Try what?" she asked.
"To be part of the family."
"How am I supposed to do that? I don't even know what that means." she replied, obviously a bit frustrated over his lack of understanding.
"All I'm asking for is for you to try and get along with everyone else, that's it." he explained.
A look of relief washed over her face, "In that case, yes, I'm willing to try... but you need to understand something; I'm not going to walk around with a fake smile and act overly-nice to everyone. I've been alone and cold-hearted my whole life, Kouta, that isn't something that can be fixed overnight."
"As long as you're willing to try, I'm happy." he said, giving her a reassuring smile as his free hand came up to gently stroke her hair, much like she'd seen him do to Yuka and even Nana on occasion. Lucy reached up and laid her hand over his, her other hand coming up to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"I've cried more this past week than every other time in my life combined. It's ridiculous..." she said with an embarrassed smile.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, even when you cry, you're still beautiful." he said comfortingly.
After a few seconds of looking into each others eyes, Lucy decided to take a chance.
She slowly leaned in closer. When he didn't stop her or pull away, she kept going until their lips were only a few inches apart. She waited a few seconds, almost as if she were afraid that sudden movements might scare him off.
At first, he wasn't sure what she was doing. When it finally dawned on him, he wasn't sure how to respond. What would happen if he gave in? What would happen if he DIDN'T? After a few moments of hesitation, Kouta closed his eyes and leaned in, lightly pressing his lips against hers.
Though it only lasted a couple of seconds, for Lucy, that one single kiss was enough to fill her heart with hope for the future. For Kouta, it was the moment he realized the feelings he held for her were more than simply platonic.
"I love you, Kouta..." she whispered quietly.
"I love you too, Nyu." he answered, now knowing for sure he genuinely meant it.
After a few seconds of staring into each others eyes, Kouta awkwardly broke the silence with, "Umm... aren't you going back to your own room?"
"Do you want me to?" she asked.
Thinking about it for a moment, he told her, "I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but you probably should. I'd let you stay in here just this once, but Yuka would have a fit if you did." he told her.
Lucy giggled quietly, her red eyes shining with mischievous glee, "Don't worry about her, it'll be fine."
"You're not gonna hurt her or anything, right?" he asked, a bit nervously.
"Of course not, Kouta. Just trust me, ok?" she replied.
"Alright... if you say so."
The two of them shared one last gentle kiss before falling asleep in each others arms.