Anyone else just love Emmett? He's so underrated. At least, that what he tells me. I hope everyone loved a peek into his past. The events of his death/change are canon from the saga guide. Calling Rose 'buttercup' is all mine though. Time for our favorite resident empath!
The song for this chapter is Slow Down Time by Us the Duo. Remember that you can play along with the story on Amazon Music using the special web address below!
HEY READERS! Want to be able to play all the songs from this story in order while you read? Well now you can! Just visit: https colon slash slash .com slash user-playlists slash 83eaf70f5fd2488da12e8f0787411603sune?ref=dm_sh_670a-24ac-70cc-3d48-5036e (Remember to replace the words with the punctuation and no spaces!)
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Disclaimer: I'm only doing this for a friend. I don't get anything from it but her undying appreciation. I certainly don't get to have fun with Emmett and the boys in my head.
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/IDEATIONS. PLEASE SKIP THE ITALICIZED TEXT IF THIS CROSSES A BOUNDARY.
Chapter Forty-One: Slow Down Time
Day Two
JPOV
"This is kind of boring," Emmett said from the sofa. I turned to him with a sardonic brow raised.
"How thoughtless of us. Maybe we should take advantage of Bella's nearly lifeless state and re-enact Weekend at Bernie's so you'll be a little more entertained," I stated flatly. He rolled his eyes at me.
"I just meant that sitting here, not having to listen to screaming or anything, feels grating. It's leaving me too much time to think."
"And we all know what happens if you go over your allotted brain power for the day," Edward said dryly and I started to laugh before grief hit me in the gut like he'd punched me.
What's wrong," I thought to him. He shook his head.
"That's exactly something Bella would have said if she were here for this. I'm just… I'm worried about her. For her. She might have been more prepared mentally than most but…"
He didn't have to finish.
Edward understood better than almost any of us what it was like to wake up as a newly changed vampire and find out that your entire family had died. All of us had been changed and ended up watching our families die over the passing of time, save Alice who hadn't remembered anything from her past until much later. Edward was the only one who woke up orphaned.
"Whatever she does or doesn't feel," I said firmly, "we'll help her through it. Surely having Carlisle with her will help ease the sting of loss." Emmett nodded and I stared down at the book in my hands, not really paying attention to the words.
I'm ready to die.
I've debated, fought myself over it for a decade now. I've fought so hard and for so long to avoid dying but I don't think I can take much more of this.
"P-please," the man in front of me begs as I bend over him. I'm drowning in the sour waves of fear rolling off of him. He's crying and begging me, the numbing bittersweetness of regret twisting in and out.
"I'm sorry," I growl before I snap his neck and sink my teeth through the skin of his neck, pulling the hot liquid of his life force into my mouth. But the taste is lost on me. Where once I likened blood to the sweetest and most decadent of desserts, it tasted like sand in my mouth.
I can't keep doing this.
The guilt from feeling everything my victim was feeling had ruined any enjoyment I might have taken in drinking from them. But I couldn't stop. The one time I'd tried, I'd become so feral with thirst that I had killed indiscriminately.
I'd crossed a line I never wanted to cross again.
As the last of the blood slips down my throat, I step back and stare at the now vacant and lifeless eyes of my victim. Rage tears through me in a violent torrent and I raise my fists, slamming them into the brick of the alley, an anguished cry torn from my chest filling the silence around me.
I'm a monster.
But that's nothing new, was it? I'd been a monster when I woke to this new form, new life. I was a monster when I realized I had the gifts of an empath and let Maria use them for her own perverse, bloodthirsty ends. I was a monster when I mercilessly killed her broken soldiers or those who no longer served her purpose.
When Peter had come back for me, told me that this horrific war was the exception to life as a vampire and not the rule, I'd thought that I might finally have a chance to be different.
Good.
But every victim I claimed left a scar on my heart until I was sure that if I tore it out of my chest, it would be a damaged, misshapen hunk of black waste. I'd been able to reason my way through the guilt for the first little while but now…
Now, I saw myself for what I really was and I wanted no more of it.
I had to end myself.
I couldn't ask Peter; he'd never agree to it. I briefly thought of finding Maria again and crossing her but my survival instincts were too strong. If she tried to fight me, I'd do everything I could to stop her. And even before I'd left, she knew that no one was a match for me.
There were certainly downsides to never having lost a fight.
I'd have to do it myself.
But how?
I wasn't sure I had the resolve to just strike a match.
I had to find a way. I couldn't feed again. I wouldn't come out with my sanity intact.
God, I'm thirsty.
I push aside the thought and the resulting tingling in my gums, moving through the streets with my hat pulled low and my coat tucked up around my neck against the fierce winds fighting against me. I take care not to brush against anyone in passing, holding my breath to avoid catching the scent of their beating hearts.
The sun is obscured behind dark clouds but even after years of being able to walk in the daylight, I find myself wanting to find a dark building to take refuge in and wait until the darkness of night can wrap around me like an old friend. I shake my head jerkily, forcing myself to count the windows as I pass, anything but follow those thoughts down the path they would lead me.
I'm a coward.
I haven't been able to bring myself to do anything to change my predicament. I'd challenged a few nomads as we crossed paths but it would seem that I'd learned to defend myself a little well and my winning streak continued, much to my disappointment. I haven't fed in months and I know that my resolve is hanging by a thread.
I'm hoping for a miracle to drop from the sky. Anything to save me from the torturous existence I've found myself trapped in.
A drop of rain splatters against my coat and I look up at the sky.
Not a miracle but water.
The clouds open and a deluge of water pours over the street. Around me, pedestrians take off running or duck into nearby shops or businesses to avoid getting soaked. I should follow them. If I stay out in this torrent, I'll draw all sorts of attention. I spot a diner a few doors ahead and listen intently for the number of heartbeats inside. Once I'm satisfied that it is mostly empty, I hurry along the street and slip through the door, turning to force it closed behind me as the wind fights to throw it wide open. I turn back around, thankful that I haven't fed in so long. My eyes are dark and far easier to pass for human as long as no one looks at them for too long.
I inadvertently take a deep breath, flapping the moisture from my coat and freeze.
Vampire.
My eyes immediately scan the establishment, taking only seconds to fall on the woman sitting at the counter. She is perched elegantly on one of the high stools, her focus completely on me. I stare at her as she hops off the stool and dances toward me. I'm frozen by the door, unable to move as I drink her in, unsure if she is going to attack me when she looks so happy.
Her dark hair is short, the kind of style that was favored in the earlier part of the century. She's petite and waif-like, a bright smile lighting her face. When I notice her eyes, I frown.
I've never seen golden eyes before.
Her emotions seep into me like the warmth from sitting in front of a fire.
Excitement.
Joy.
Relief.
Love.
The love is penetrating, pure and ironclad. It sinks into my bones, filling the hollow cavern inside of me that I hadn't really been completely aware of until now that it was stuffed to the brim with this unfamiliar warmth and completeness. There's absolutely zero fear of me or the scars that cover my body.
No one has ever been able to ignore the scars.
"You've kept me waiting a long time," the woman says to me. Her voice is bell-like and there isn't a more perfect sound in existence. Her statement confuses me.
Do we know each other?
No. I would surely remember meeting her.
I duck my head ostensibly, pulling my hat off the way I'd been raised to. "I'm sorry, ma'am", I say slowly. She laughs and my new favorite sound is discovered. She holds out her small, pale hand to me and I instinctively reach out my own hand to slip into hers. I am acutely aware of every centimeter of skin that touches hers, sparks seeming to crawl through my veins from the contact, warming me. Her joy is increased tenfold at the contact and I wonder if she let go, would I float to the ceiling from the lightness?
Is this… hope?
"I know this is all a bit strange for you. Let's sit and I'll explain everything." She leads me to the counter by my hand and hops up on the stool, not releasing my hand for even a moment. I settle in next to her, surprised to see a cup of coffee waiting for me. "My name is Alice. And I've been waiting an awfully long time for you, Jasper." My eyebrows hit my hairline in surprise.
"Have we met," I ask in confusion. She tinkles a laugh and rests her elbow on the counter, cradling her face in her palm.
"No. I have a gift. Like you but I can see the future. Well, I can see possible futures. Sometimes it changes. But yours didn't. I knew this is where I'd find you and you'd be ready for me." I frown at her, head spinning.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, darlin', but I really have no idea what you're talking about."
"It's all rather fantastical and overwhelming, isn't it? I was changed a couple decades ago. I don't remember anything from my life before this. When I woke up, the first vision I had was of you, Jasper Whitlock. I knew that I would find you, that we belonged together."
"If you were changed two decades ago, why are we only meeting now," I ask skeptically.
"Because I saw that if I tried to find you a second sooner, you wouldn't be ready for me, for our future together and you'd leave. I realize it's a bit unorthodox. I've had twenty years to fall more and more in love with you, to see how much you will grow to love me, but you're just meeting me for the first time. I'll try not to scare you too much," she promises and I snort a shocked laugh. She grins at me.
"You've seen us together in the future," I ask her quietly. She beams at me and it feels like my insides are warm and gooey.
"We have the most wonderful life together," she whispers dreamily.
"Are you sure you don't have me mistaken with someone else," I ask. She shakes her head at me, familiar exasperation on her face.
"I know you, Jasper. I know the hell your life has been. I know you've been struggling for years and it's finally catching up to you. I know you've been trying to find some way to escape, to end it all. I know how tortured you are by other peoples' emotions." I gape at her, stunned, defensiveness starting to crawl up my spine. "But I also know that's why you were finally ready to meet me. You don't see another way out of the darkness but I have the answers to questions you haven't even thought to ask yet.
"There's a coven, a family that is exactly the answer you've been searching for. They're called the Cullens. Carlisle is the leader or father figure. He's a doctor, dedicated to healing. Edward and Esme are married. Rosalie joined them next. She's gorgeous and she found her husband, Emmett, and carried him to Carlisle to change him. They're a family, Jasper, a real family, like humans, not like a coven at all."
"I've never met a coven like that, Alice," I say doubtfully.
"That's because they don't base their relationships off blood and power. They don't even feed from humans." I scoff at her and she raises a brow at me, staring me down imperiously. I look down, properly chastised. "They feed from animals. Carlisle didn't want to kill or hurt anyone and he discovered that animal blood sustains us."
"If we can live off of animals, why do any of us drink from humans," I ask but I already know the answer. Humanity isn't something that most vampires retain from their mortal lives. Even Peter and Charlotte don't see anything wrong with killing humans to live. They don't worry about the feelings of their prey the same way a bear doesn't concern himself with how the salmon feels about being caught and eaten. It's only because of my gift that I don't share the same mentality with them and the rest of vampire kind.
Except, apparently, for this strange family.
"I've been trying it ever since I woke up. I'm not great at it. Sometimes I slip up. But I'm trying so hard," she says earnestly and I stare into the strange, unfamiliar ochre of her eyes.
"Is that why your eyes are so different?"
"Yes. I've been good for six months now!" I smile at how proud she is of herself, bouncing in her seat as she brags to me. "Carnivores are marginally better than herbivores but I want Carlisle to be proud of me." I stare at her, bemused and enchanted. "I've been looking for them, but I wanted to find you first."
"And now that you've found me," I ask in amusement. Her beam widens. How can she be so damn happy? It's like the rays of the sun, warming me when I didn't even realize how cold I was.
"Now we can find them together!" I pull back from her, deeply considering everything she's told me.
It's insane.
I'm insane for believing her.
Where's my hypervigilance and paranoia? She's completely disarmed me and while a small part of me knows I shouldn't take her or anything she says at face value, it's easily drowned out by every other fiber of my being that seems to trust her implicitly.
Is this how Peter felt about Charlotte when he met her?
She's watching me calmly, understanding in her intelligent, topaz eyes.
"Okay, darlin'. Let's go find this future you've been waiting so long for."
"I wish Carlisle could be here when she wakes up," Edward muttered, pulling me from the memories. "This would be so much easier if she woke up to him. I'm worried that she'll wake up and be so threatened by us, she'll take off."
"If that happens, we'll catch her. Even newborns can be reasoned with," Emmett said.
"Barely," I added dryly, thinking of all the newborns I'd met over the course of my life.
"How long do you think he's going to be stuck in Forks," Emmett asked Edward.
"Well, there's the funeral to arrange. He'll probably have to stay long enough for whatever agencies are taking over the case to get what they need from him. And then just long enough not to raise suspicions about leaving so soon."
"And it's not going to be suspicious if you aren't at the funeral," I asked pointedly.
"Esme and I already discussed it. She's going to tell everyone I was so traumatized and devastated that my psychiatrist thinks it would actually be more triggering for me to go to the funeral. I'm staying with family apparently. We'll come up with a story for you two if we need to as well. I'm hoping that Bella will be less of a flight risk than most newborns when she wakes up." I raised a sardonic brow and he shrugged. "She was unusual as a human. I can only imagine how she'll be as a vampire.
"I feel bad that Carlisle is stuck in Forks to deal with everything and keep up appearances. It has to be killing him not to be here with her."
"Not to mention that Bella is the same age as me, so there goes any hope of their relationship being public," Edward muttered.
"She might pass for older," Emmett mused. "You're just jealous because the gap between you and Esme is too much to explain away." Edward threw a pillow at him and he caught it, laughing.
"You and Bella will probably have to pretend to be together," I pointed out. Edward sighed.
"I wish that didn't have to be the case for her. She was so worried about being a secret and now that's where we're stuck doing for the rest of her existence. Plus I'm not sure Bella could stop that tongue of hers from trying to destroy me long enough to convince anyone she loves me." Emmett and I burst into laughter while Edward rolled his eyes but he was broadcasting that same familial love we all had for Bella. His emotions were edged with fear and worry for his friend and I recognized my own feelings mirroring his.
Bella meant so much to us.
What if this ended up being the thing that tore our family apart?