Liara squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed to keep the lump that had formed in her throat from coming up and sending her into a fit of desperate sobbing.
The galaxy was about to secure its path into the future, but the world she knew was caving in all around her.
She knew the risks, as did the rest of the crew on the Normandy. There was every chance that her, anyone from Shepard's team of specialists, or the Commander himself weren't going to make it to see the galaxy in its post-Reaper stage.
Yet, Liara now realized, that knowledge was mostly a lie. A front to trick her own brain into thinking that she was ready for the worst-case scenario. No matter how many times she had told herself that she was prepared to deal with someone from the crew dying, it would do very little to numb the pain that she felt when it actually happened.
Especially when the one to die was John.
She had foolishly been imagining their life together after the grueling campaign against the Reapers came to an end – a way to ease her mind from the mountains of intelligence work that she had to do each day as the Shadow Broker. She had also revealed some of those fantasies to John and felt elated when he told her that they were what he wanted too.
But now, everything that remained of those dreams and foolish plans were only memories crossing her mind.
Getting evacuated by the Normandy in the heat of battle despite her insistence to soldier on, desperately trying to slip out of Garrus' grasp, and only wavering once John pleaded with her to stop. That last farewell, last declaration of love, no reassurance to be found behind her lover's eyes – it was a nightmare come true. She could still see his faint silhouette get enveloped by the crimson beam as the Normandy lifted off.
For a couple of moments after, Liara could not process what had happened. The pragmatic side of her had always been there to point out that with the risk her, John, and everyone else on the crew were taking, death was not a probability, but an inevitability. Yet, nothing could prepare her for the moment of seeing the man she loved die before her eyes.
She was swiftly brought back from her state of doom, as a transmission from the Alliance announced that someone had made it onto the Citadel. In her daze, Liara had failed to realize that the Normandy had flown up and out of Earth's atmosphere. The giant space station, the seat of the Council, and the center of civilized space in the galaxy, was now visible in the distance through the viewport next to her.
It had to be him.
Moments later, she noticed the arms of the Citadel begin to slowly open up. The Crucible, swarmed by the dots – some tiny, some large – representing the combined fleet of the Milky Way's various races, could be seen making its way towards the space station as well.
To anyone unfamiliar with the circumstances of what led them to open back up, or with the people behind it, the view would've seemed glorious. It would've elicited feelings of pride, hope, and pure joy at the fact that the galaxy, despite the differences and conflicts of its species, managed to band together like never before to fight for its very existence. A fight which they seemed set to come out on top of.
But Liara was familiar with both, painfully so. The man, arguably responsible for it all, the man she loved, the one who complimented her life so perfectly. He was currently out there fighting on still, despite the mortal wounds that he no doubt had sustained on his way to the Citadel. There was no room for joy or celebration in her mind at that moment. Sharp, icy claws of anxiety and despair locked their grip on her heart. This was it. That's how he would leave her and the mortal plane: having achieved what he had set out to do, but in agony and solitude.
She would've given anything to be with him at that moment. To hold him in her arms, one last time and say how much she loved him, how proud of him she was, and that everything would be alright. To ease his pain even just a tiny bit.
No, not even that. What she wished for the most, right at that moment, was to die along with him. To bask in his embrace while their blood, seeping from wounds medi-gel couldn't seal any longer, flowed, pooling on the ground, and mixing the human with the asari. There wouldn't be a new day coming for the both of them, and she'd be okay with it. They'd lay in peace, taking their last breaths, and quietly waiting for the moment they both joined each other in eternity.
Liara wasn't ready to deal with the grief of losing John for the rest of her life. The two years after he had died the first time were torturous enough. She knew that his wish for her would be to move on, to find someone else, maybe start a family. That was impossible. How would she even begin to? Perhaps the pain would subside after a few centuries, but by that time, starting anew would feel akin to trashing his legacy. Their legacy. The thought of him leaving without her was just too much to bear.
"Liara," a voice, distorted by a vocal modulator, reached her ears.
She opened her eyes and turned to see a gloved, three-fingered hand resting on her shoulder. Lifting her head, she met the bright ovals of Tali's eyes, glowing behind her mask. "You should go see Doctor Chakwas," she said, somewhat hesitantly. "We've been worried about you."
From behind the quarian, she could see Kaidan approach her as well, though the Marine kept more of a distance. "Liara, you really should," he said after a moment of silence. "Your wounds are still open. Medi-gel won't be enough. Please."
Liara let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. Glancing down to her feet, she spotted small droplets of blood scattered all around her. The sofa she had been leaning against, was also stained with fresh blotches of red.
She rubbed her forehead, suddenly feeling lightheaded and slightly disoriented. After being helped to the ramp of the cargo bay by John, and watching him get obliterated by Harbinger, she and Garrus had made their way to the crew deck. Liara had refused any assistance and promised to join the turian in the med bay shortly. However, finding herself alone, she instead went to the starboard observation lounge. Thankfully, the room had been empty. She had no desire to talk to anybody. Her wounds still hurt, but the medi-gel, hastily applied while they waited for the Normandy to arrive for pickup, meant that her life was no longer under immediate threat.
"Okay," she breathed out. Attempting to stand, she felt her head spin, and slumped down on the sofa with a quiet yelp.
Tali and Kaidan were right at her side.
"Here, let me help," the Major said, taking her hand and slipping it over his shoulder. Tali took the other side, and the trio slowly exited the room, making their way to the ship's medical bay.
"Is Garrus–," Liara was about to ask if the turian was alright, when the door opened, and the former C-Sec agent sitting on one of the beds came into view. Garrus was out of his armor, his body, and face covered in patches and bandages.
"There you are," he said, voice devoid of any noticeable emotion. "Thought we'd just let you bleed out?" It, despite sounding ironic, was filled with undertones of anxiety. "Sorry," he mumbled, realizing that his attempt at humor had been misplaced.
Liara wanted to respond, wanted to say something to him. Something that would've alleviated some of the pressure that the turian was clearly feeling. He must have known that his best friend had made it onto the Citadel too, and was in the process of putting an end to the terror that had taken over each one of their lives over the past three years.
But she found herself unable to do anything besides opening and closing her mouth awkwardly.
Still supported by Tali and Kaidan on either side, she was led to an empty bed, where Dr. Chakwas promptly attended to her. The Normandy's chief medical officer's normally tidy silver hair looked disheveled. Dark rings had formed under her eyes which, despite the circumstances, still carried a hint of sharpness, though not as apparent as usual. The woman looked much older at first glance thanks to the many wrinkles adorning her face, which now seemed much more obvious than ever.
"Let me have a look," she said. Liara noticed that her voice didn't carry the same calm and assurance it typically did. "Looks like the medi-gel has sealed most of your injuries quite well," the Doctor continued, checking readings on her omni-tool. "But for me to examine you fully, you'll need to get out of your suit."
Liara nodded, only half-listening to the woman's words.
"Anything else from us, Doc?" Kaidan asked.
"Nothing as of now," Chakwas responded, giving him a strained smile. "They'll be all right. You both should go take a rest. You especially, dear," she said, nodding towards Tali.
Kaidan nodded. "Okay, Doc," he said, heading for the door together with the quarian engineer. He stopped and turned around just before heading out. "Hang in there. Not all's lost," he said, looking at Liara, but the sadness in his eyes betrayed the mask of calm he had put on.
"Thank you, Kaidan," Liara replied. She wanted to give him a smile, to keep up the façade of a cool and collected Shadow Broker. But her body didn't budge. She simply sighed as the med bay door closed behind the duo.
The treatment for her injuries proved straightforward. After checking and disinfecting her external wounds as well as scanning her body for internal ones, Chakwas gave her some anti-inflammatory pills, and instructed to come back to the med bay if new symptoms appeared.
Thanking the Doctor, who despite her age, was likely handling the current circumstances the best out of the entire crew, Liara carefully stepped down from the bed, and went to collect the pieces of her combat suit, which lay in a pile nearby.
Just as she was about to pick up her chest plate from the floor, the lights went out suddenly, plunging the room into darkness. A rumble-like sensation passed through the ship, and Liara could hear the raised voices of the crew outside the med bay. It didn't last long, as the vessel's emergency power kicked in, most of the lighting turning back on with it.
Liara exchanged a puzzled look with Chakwas, ready to ask the Doctor what could've possibly caused this, before being cut off by Kaidan's voice booming over the intercom. "Attention all crew, the Crucible has been fired, and as a result some of the Normandy's systems have become non-operational." Clearly, the Major had not heeded Chakwas's advice, and was back in the CIC, probably somewhere around the cockpit.
"Donnelly, report to Adams in engineering, immediately," he said. His voice, though tired, still carried an authoritative tone. Through the window overlooking the mess hall, Liara could see the Scotsman gobble up the last bites of whatever he had been having for dinner, and booking it to the elevator.
John! Her mind screamed, shocking her back into action. The Crucible had been fired, and, assuming he was still breathing, his chances of survival now were a matter of time. They had to get back to the Citadel before it was too late.
Discarding the chest plate, and leaving the rest of her armor on the floor, Liara zipped up her undershirt, and sprinted out of the med bay. Complaints and protests from Chakwas reached her ears as the door closed behind her, but she paid them no mind. John was still out there, and he needed their help. Fast.
The crew deck was deserted at this point, with the staff back at their stations in light of the unexpected loss of power. The Normandy's elevator, significantly faster than the one used on its predecessor, seemed to take an agonizingly long time to arrive, making Liara question if it too perhaps had been affected by the power surge.
Fortunately, it hadn't, at least not anymore, and once the door opened, she didn't hesitate to punch in the destination to the CIC.
Arriving to the floor above, she rushed past a couple of junior troops discussing something intently next to the galaxy map and went straight for the cockpit. She could already hear Joker's frustrated voice bark something from some distance away.
The cockpit itself looked in disarray – wires sticking out and panels open. It was clear that whatever effects the Crucible had, weren't too kind on the ship. Liara found Joker in his seat, muttering something under his breath, while Kaidan sat just to the right of the pilot, squinting and gripping the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Probably experiencing an onset of a migraine.
"Joker."
Jeff Moreau turned his seat to the left, slightly startled by her. "Uh, hey, Liara," he said, his eyes darting around the cabin absentmindedly, like looking for something that wasn't there. "How, uh, are you holding up?"
"We need to get to the Citadel," Liara said, and immediately regretted how forceful she made it sound.
"You think, I don't know that?" Came a spiteful reply. "I've been trying, damn it!" He took a moment to compose himself, and blew out a frustrated sigh through his nose.
"Sorry," he said quietly. "It's just that whatever this Crucible thing did, it messed us up good. The drive core, the nav systems, the comms, it's– ah, damn it!" He groaned, leaning back in his seat.
"We're running on backup systems," Kaidan chimed in. "The folks down in engineering are doing everything they can to get us back up and running. And the comms," he lifted his chin forward at nothing in particular, "are almost back as well."
Liara turned to Joker. "How soon can we get going?" She asked.
The pilot took his time, so Kaidan answered in his place: "Whenever Tali and Adams manage to fix up the drive core and re-enable the nav systems." He raised a hand, sensing her uneasiness. "Liara, we want to get there as fast as possible, too. We know that Shepard, if he's…" He hesitated, "you know, alive, probably doesn't have much time left."
"What about EDI? Is she not able to re-establish contact with the ship's systems?" Liara asked, realizing that the normally lively ship AI, had been absent since the vessel's systems went into a reboot.
"She's got affected by the blast too. We're not sure what exactly happened to her, or how long it'll take for her to come back." Kaidan cast a glance at the pilot, who was staring forward blankly. "Joker's been taking it pretty hard."
"Joker, I'm so sorry," Liara said, shifting closer to his seat. The pilot just nodded in response.
Kaidan's omni-tool chimed. "Adams just reported that the drive core is at full capacity, and the nav systems are back online," he said. "I'll plot the course. Joker, you just concentrate on flying."
Thank the Goddess. They were close. It wouldn't take Joker even a couple of minutes to reach their destination, and the mix of excitement and anxiety threatened to take over Liara's mind completely.
But would they find where to land? Was the Citadel even intact still? It looked like it was from afar, but the situation was likely different inside.
And how would they find John?
As if reading her mind, Kaidan turned to her and gestured towards the elevator. "I doubt we'll manage to dock the Normandy. You'll have to go by shuttle, which will be sent by another Alliance ship. Let's see…" He swiped through the holographic interface in front of him. "The Cairo seems to be the one closest to us. I'll call up a couple of Marines and medics to accompany you," he looked her up and down. "Go get yourself a new hardsuit too. There should be one in a spare locker on the crew deck."
That was all she needed. After saying a quick thank-you to the Major, Liara ran for the elevator. Stopping at the crew deck, she hastily put on the hardsuit, slightly too big for her, and went down to the shuttle bay.
Her four companions for the trip were joined by Tali, who was also wearing armor over her environmental suit. Liara was glad to see the quarian engineer accompany them. It wasn't that she didn't trust the Alliance personnel, but she was afraid they would treat this as more of a body recovery mission rather than a rescue one. Having a close friend of John on the team eased her mind a little.
Alarm klaxons sounded in the bay as a monotone voice warned for loss of oxygen and gravity. Liara engaged her mag boots as the ramp slowly opened up and a Kodiak, clad in the blue of the Alliance, made its way inside.
Liara was the first at the door, when the shuttle touched down. The whole boarding process took no more than a few seconds, and they were taking off again, ready to head for the Citadel, which crept into their sight as the ramp opened back up. A dark cuttlefish-like form drifted in the backdrop of the space station's white exterior. After a pattern, which had lasted for millions of years, the Milky Way was about to finally take charge of its destiny.
Liara's breath caught in her chest. It wasn't in vain. Thousands of hours of work put in by the millions of bright minds across the galaxy, the battle of the Citadel, the final, almost hopeless dash to the transport beam back in London – all of it had been worth it. All those mornings she had woken up alone, hope hanging on by a thread to see John again, had paid off. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry, knowing that the person she cared about the most in the entire galaxy had likely sacrificed himself so she could experience this very moment.
No, there was no time for crying. Her hope remained, that John was still out there, clinging on to life, and she'd never forgive herself if she didn't give everything she had to save him.
Seeing the Citadel like this was a surreal experience. From afar, the extended arms of the five wards looked as gigantic and alien as they always did, bar the darkness that shrouded their normally lit and lively surface. As the Kodiak drifted closer, though, the signs of damage became more and more obvious. Holes of differing depth and diameter peppered the station, and debris, appearing like clouds of dust from a distance, floated all around.
Just how many casualties had it taken for the Reapers to bring the seat of the Council all the way to the Sol system? Had anyone of the millions of the station's inhabitants survived? Or had they – asari, humans, turians, the elcor and the hanar, quarians and the volus among others – all perished because it took a total invasion for the galaxy's leadership to finally open their eyes to the threat they were facing?
Would she meet her father again, or was Aethyta too just another small part of the statistics that will be difficult for many to grasp decades, or maybe even centuries, later?
"Weapons check," yelled one of the Marines. The shuttle had entered one of the docking bays. Signs of damage were visible inside as well, but at nowhere near the level which would've been expected from a force of ancient genocide machines.
The door slid open, and the two troops hurried out, guns drawn, with Liara and Tali right behind them, meanwhile the medics followed a step behind.
The facility was dark save for an occasional red glow of an emergency light here and there. It was also unnervingly silent. A station, once home to millions of people, now completely devoid of life.
Liara shuddered. Was this what the prothean scientists from Ilos discovered, after arriving here tens of thousands of years ago?
Almost devoid of life, she had to remind herself. This wasn't the time to fall into panic.
They found the elevator shaft empty, the cabin itself was most likely stuck somewhere further up. Liara thanked in silence for Tali being here. It didn't take long for the engineer to access the lift controls and bring the elevator down to them. So far, luck was firmly on their side.
Again, Tali turned out to be a blessing, as she was able to override the speed limits and bring them up to the Presidium much faster than the factory settings allowed.
The clock, that had started ticking when the Crucible fired, now reminded Liara of its significance. She had been relying on pure luck and chance so far, and the longer the search went on, the slimmer the thread her hope was hanging onto, got. Some small part of her, deep within the subconscious, screamed. To give up, to let go, and let the flood of despair overwhelm her. It took all the willpower to resist the temptation. She was going to find a corpse. The specifics of John's injuries were unknown to Liara, but she knew, taking a hit from a Reaper beam destroyed warships. A single person, even one as determined and physically augmented as John was, simply didn't have much hope in surviving for long.
She turned to Tali. "We need to locate him somehow." Even through the comm system, her voice must've been horribly shaky. "His armor is too damaged to pick up a signal from me."
The quarian shot her a quick glance and turned back to her omni-tool interface, typing something furiously. "Yes. I'm trying to access the emergency beacon of his suit," she said. "I hope it's not too damaged, or I won't be able to pick up the sig– Keelah!" She exclaimed.
"Tali, what have you found?" The dam holding Liara's emotions at bay had started cracking at her friend's sudden pause. "Talk to me, please."
"I know where he is, Liara," Tali replied, and gestured for the humans to follow suit. "Let's go."
Another short elevator ride and a sprint later, they found themselves in a dark corridor. Its white, almost claustrophobic walls eventually expanded to a vast open space filled to the brim with rubble. Just in front of a small pile lay a dark figure. A speck of light caught Liara's eye as it reflected off a tiny piece of something next to it. Dog tags.
"Keelah…" Tali's surprise got caught in her aural cavities.
In an instant, Liara was at John's side. The dam had now collapsed fully, and tears, held back for what felt like an eternity, were streaming down her face, unimpeded.