WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TO THE THIRTY FOURTH EDITION OF MY KICK-ASS STORY. KNOWN SIMPLY AS, THE BATTLE CATS: X! THE LARGEST STORY BASED OFF THE HIT MOBILE GAME, KNOWN AS THE BATTLE CATS. I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER!
It was a bustling day over in New York. The Battle Act finds themselves in the Big Apple, exploring the very facilities the town has to offer! Bob, Cat, and Tank Cat all supplied in Cat Food via burgling, Axe Cat, Gross Cat, and Cow Cat are taking a look at the traffic, while also mocking some cars, Bird Cat, Fish Cat, and Lizard Cat all stare at the (real) Statue of Liberty in awe. Bean Cats are performing bouncing rituals in order to earn a few cents, while Titan Cat drinks a Starbucks coffee as he watches the whole scene progress.
Titan Cat: Why the hell did I agree to come to the actual New York City? he scoffs as he savors his coffee
Bean Cat L: TITAN CAT, LOOK! he bounces alongside Bean Cat R to Titan Cat, and they open up their bean pod to reveal about 200 coins, which is equivalent to around 5.64 MADE A FORTUNE!
Titan Cat: Well, I suppose that money is enough to cover lunch on my behalf. he smirks as he grabs a coin and places it back in
Cat: Woah, Bean Cats actually made some MONEY!? he stares in disbelief as he carries the 100 Cat Food tins in his arms
Bob: God damn it! Why the fuck is a bag full of Cat Food so HEAVY? he grumbles as he carries the bag and places it on the floor This is really shitty...
Tank Cat: Hey guys! Check it out... he scratches his bag open, revealing approx 500 tins of Cat Food to pour out
Bob: Now how in the actual HELL did you manage to carry that? 200 was my breaking point...
Titan Cat: Wow... we got around eight hundred Cat Food tins here. Not bad guys, I'm impressed.
Bean Cat R: Ooh, does that mean we get a really tasty dinner tonight?
Fish Cat: THAT BETTER BE THE CASE, OR I AM RUNNING AWAY! he comes back looking like your average tourist
Lizard Cat: Don't mind us... we did a bit of shopping to make ourselves look as savvy as possible. What do you think?
Bird Cat: I believe we outdone ourselves when it comes to fashion design. I believe we look like really sensible people.
Lizard Cat: Well, my desired theme would have been "sexy", but alright. he shrugs as he makes his way over
Fish Cat: And my desired outfit choice would have been badass, which is what I went for here! he cackles away as he flexes his muscles
Gross Cat: AGH! I'M SORRY FOR CALLING YOUR CAR UGLY! he runs away in fear, carrying Axe Cat and Cow Cat with him Oh hey guys, what's up? Other than the sky of course. he giggles away as he places them down
Bob: What's up is the fact we got Cat Food, a meals worth of US, three Cats who look like tourists. And... Tank Cat potentially being on steroids. he smirks as he nudges Tank Cat
Lizard Cat: Ah, I see Bob over here appreciates my choice of fashion. he giggles as he rubs his tail around him I suppose I should have brought you with us.
Axe Cat: Well, you should have seen the looks on their FACES! They were screaming at us! I wouldn't be surprised if they wanted us to get killed.
Cow Cat: I even managed to get a donut on my face. And there's still a bit of sticky icing on my fur.
Bird Cat: Allow me to eliminate any donut icing from your facial fur. he smiles as he wipes the icing off his face, the feathers not sticking to the icing There we go!
Cow Cat: Aw shucks, Bird Cat! he grins as he nudges him I'll pay you back someday. You can trust me.
Cat: Wow, New York is actually a lot prettier than I remembered it to be. he sighs as he stares into the base mesmerized Well, no time to waste! Let's make it back to the Cat Base so we can fully prepare against these enemies.
Bob: Well, sorry for being that annoying fucker, but... speaking of "enemies". he points at Snache, who is loaded with shopping bags, he is joined by Those Guys
Snache: I am telling you. We do not need to go to the arcade in order to enjoy New York City!
That Guy B: But what if Le'Boin, Doge, or B.B.Bunny were here? Surely they would say yes!
Snache: Well, I'm sorry to break it to you. But that's EXACTLY the reason why the answer is no.
That Guy C: But it's three to one! Surely you can consider bringing us to the arcade to play a game or something...
That Guy A: Uhh, guys, I believe I found The Battle Act right in front of us. he points in the direction of The Battle Act
Bob: Shit! They're looking at us. he backs away before regaining his composure These motherfuckers don't know who we are. We're people too! Well, Cats and person...
Axe Cat: he smirks before nudging Bob Amen to that.
Snache: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWELVE DOING HERE IN NEW YORK CITY? he grumbles
Titan Cat: We have lives too. So we just came here for the sake of it. Do you have a problem with that?
That Guy A: Yeah, it is very confusing and makes no sense at all.
Cat: What did you guys buy? everyone glares at him What!? I'm just curious...
Snache: Clothing, food, and a little snow globe souvenir of New York.
That Guy C: And I got an unofficial bootleg shirt of Jay-Z! he puts it on There's very little rapper based shirts in size Children's extra small.
Axe Cat: Hey, Nice shirt! But I have 99 Problems with you guys being here- gets interrupted by Titan Cat
Titan Cat: Shut the hell up already! he whacks Axe Cat in the head We need to make sure our base is in good condition, let's make it back.
Tank Cat: Shh... he shushes a bunch of mice who are carrying all the Cat Food for him
Inside of The Cat Base over in the rural areas of The New York State. The Battle Act finishes packing up everything they need in order to take down the enemies over in the enemy base. They prepare to rush right into the base and take down all of the enemies.
Cat: Hey, can we all just make our way outside already? It's getting quite boring just being here on our own. he leans back as he sighs
Cow Cat: I say we do have an open shot at making it over to the enemies in time. But our chances of making inside of the Base before they come out is incredibly thin. So we must really be careful when attacking.
Fish Cat: Aw, fuck it! I'm just going right on in! Whether you like it or not. he smirks as he charges right into the base
Titan Cat: You know what? I'm not even going to STOP the idiot, I'm just going to let him do his own thing and let him get fucked up as a consequence.
Bob: Tudo bem então. (Alright then) he shrugs as he watches the whole scene unfold I kind of want to see that bastard get chased by all the enemies.
Suddenly, to everyone's surprise, Fish Cat yells out at the top of his voice to remind everyone to come down and follow him over to the base. He actually managed to successfully make it inside the enemy base. Everyone else just stares in disbelief before following him inside.
Fish Cat: GUYS GUYS! I made it inside of The Enemy Base! But shh... we don't want them to hear us or anything, now, do we?
Gross Cat: That mad bastard... he is one really crazy ass bastard.
Everyone takes a look at The enemy base right in front of them. It is a stereotypical New Yorker base based off of none other than The Statue of Liberty! Which is a statue that was fully built back in 1886. The tower was a gift from the French to the Americans after they managed to gain complete independence from the British Empire! Now this one ISN'T real, as it is made entirely out of wood and more or less is a re-creation of the statue.
Bob: Olhe isso! (Look at that!) We managed to make it inside of this shit hole. Now let's go ahead and kick these spastics in their ass so hard, to the point where they'll believe they're one of us.
Cat: Indeed! It is going to be a rather unique sight, that's for sure. he smirks as he makes his way inside, followed by everyone else
Bean Cat L: Wow, I've never been inside of an enemy base before. who here has actually done it? he looks as Bob, Cat, Tank Cat, Axe Cat, and Gross Cat all raise their hands
Axe Cat: A long story. And I'm not just saying that because I don't want to say the story or anything...
Fish Cat: Wow... look at all the enemies do their thing! It's quite a unique sight.
Inside of The Enemy Base, Snache and Those Guys are unpacking their purchases from all the shopping they did, Hippoe is eating a slice of bread as they watch the news, Pigge is applying some tan onto herself, Jackie Peng is scurrying through his kung fu equipment, Gory is next to Hippoe watching the TV, Baa Baa is staring outside, Sir Seal smugly prepares a collection of mussels to eat, and Croco is writing down some correspondence notes as he drinks a soda can.
Snache: Do you know what the craziest part was? It was when The Battle Act showed up out of nowhere and noticed us.
Pigge: Oh fuck, that means we are going to be murdered for sure. And I was just about finished with all this tan.
That Guy B: By any chance can you give me a tan? I want to look cool.
Pigge: No, being red will put you in a huge disadvantage against these guys! Just saying...
That Guy C: I got a Jay-Z shirt! Who here wants to have a look?
Hippoe: That is clearly the most unauthorized bullshit I have ever seen in my life. Did you get it from one of those shady corner stores or what?
That Guy C: Yeah... I did. he sighs in embarrassment as he looks up at Hippoe But it's still cool.
Gory: I guess you do have a good point there, it's your money, your choice.
Jackie Peng: Was someone talking about Jay-Z!? Jackie Peng was upstairs blasting him on the roof.
Hippoe: Don't take it personal or anything when I ask this but... why?
Jackie Peng: BECAUSE I LOVE THE MUSIC AT HAND HERE! Who doesn't?
Baa Baa: I never listened to him before.
Sir Seal: Ah, of course you haven't, Baa Baa, you live under a GOD DAMN ROCK! he crunches some mussels loudly in his mouth
Croco: Woah, easy on the sea food there. I think I nearly went deaf with all that ruckus there. God damn... he grumbles as he continues chugging the soda can
Fish Cat: YEAH, IT WAS SO ANNOYING!
All the Enemies simultaneously: AGH! they all turn to see Fish Cat, who was hiding away
Pigge: Since when did he manage to hide inside the base? she glares at him in confusion
Fish Cat: Oh, not that long ago, why do you ask? he smirks as he eyes everyone
Gory: I'll handle hi- gets interrupted by Hippoe as they grab him
Hippoe: Not so fast there, Gory! We don't even know if he's here to attack us or not. It's probably for the better if we don't sneak up on him and just attack.
Jackie Peng: Jackie Peng just wants to beat the shit out of the enemies! he cackles away Who's in for a little bit of ass kicking?
Baa Baa: Let's get him while he is vulnerable. he points at him blankly as he continues to stare outside
Sir Seal: What brings you here in our base? Are you spying for someone? Did anyone send you here by any chance? he presses into Fish Cat and eyes him up and down
Fish Cat: Uh... GUYS, COME OUT NOW! he bites Sir Seal right in the neck and shoves him away
Suddenly, the entire Battle Act come out from their hiding spots, they come out from unique spots as they all approach the enemies in a large huddle. They all smirk at the idea of them being inside of The Enemy Base.
Bob: It's about God Damn time that we begin to kick these motherfuckers in the ass. They were starting to piss me off!
Tank Cat: Sorry it took me so long to get out of that hiding spot! I was stuck inside the pot and I couldn't get myself out of it. Okay, shall we kick some ass?
Gross Cat: Oh hell yeah! I have been waiting for this moment my entire life!
Croco: Aw come on! There's at least TWENTY people inside this building, are we not putting that into consideration?
Snache: Apparently, no we're not! We're just simply kicking their asses. Or they kick ours.
Bob: Ah, eles estão finalmente decidindo contar a verdade realista. (Oh, they are finally deciding to speak the realistic truth) Okay, time to show these dumbasses who we are!
The Battle Begins (Inside of The Enemy Base)! And it starts out with Titan Cat fighting off against Snache. It is a rather simple fight when you look at it at face value. Snache pounces right onto Titan Cat's leg, and bites into his right knee, this results in the knee to begin bleeding all over his leg. However, Titan Cat is quick to respond as he sends a punch right into Snache's head. This results in his head to begin bruising up tremendously as he loses grip.
Snache: Hah! How do you like that for, sweet revenge? he coughs up some blood as he covers his pain with an egotistical smile
Titan Cat: Well, I suppose it could be better, could be worse. I have a good bit of criticism for you. he grumbles as he kicks Snache onto the ground
Snache: Okay, good enough point there, but I am not going to let your ego claim the win here! I know damn well how to deal with the likes of you, and you are a lot more predictable than you think!
Titan Cat: Do you seriously believe so? Well, isn't that adorable. he smirks as he cracks his knuckles Alright, do you want to receive a second blow right to the face, or what?
Snache: Obviously not, but I doubt I have another choice, don't I? he smirks as he watches Titan Cat approach him
Titan Cat: Yeah...YOU DON'T! he slams his fists right into Snache's jaw, this causes it to dislocate and for him to land on a painting, he goes unconscious almost immediately Now that is what I call, a kick-ass victory. he grins
Meanwhile, Lizard Cat and Those Guys are fighting one another. Those Guys are all pouncing on Lizard Cat as they beat him up. Due to his small size, he is easily pinned down and in a vulnerable position to the assault! It takes him a while to respond to the assault as he was caught off guard, however he manages to spew a fire ember right into one of their faces, causing it to boil and blister from the damage.
That Guy B: AGH! My face is on fire. It really hurts, make the pain stop. he is whining as he runs around in pain
Lizard Cat: Well, look at that. The little runt is crying because I spewed some fire right into his face. he smirks away That must be so sad to witness, am I right? he giggles as he wraps his tail around the other two and nuzzles his head into them
That Guy A: Yeah... it is a really sad sight to witness. Especially since the blood isn't putting out the flame.
That Guy C: FLAME! he shrieks One second... he takes off his off brand Jay-Z shirt and lays it down safely THAT THING COSTED ME FIFTY BUCKS!
Lizard Cat: Yeah, we wouldn't want to hurt Jay-Z now, would we? he playfully whips him with his tail
That Guy C: Ow! I am going to kick your ass for whipping mine.
That Guy A: Me too!
That Guy B: HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT! he eventually puts out the flame, before turning ME THREE!
Lizard Cat: he rubs his claw off a scar received from the slapping Okay then, I guess I have to humble you all.
Lizard Cat takes a few hits from their sharp fists, which results in his nose bleeding, and his claws to slowly start bleeding. He glares at them before shooting a fire ember right into each one of their faces, they all run around and scream in agony from all the burning they have received from Lizard Cat. While he just lays back and giggles at the sight he has prepared for himself.
Lizard Cat: What's the matter? Is my fire too hot to handle? he winks as he approaches them Nice try, dumbasses, but you were only off by... THIS much. he stretches his arms out wide as he teases them
Those Guys simultaneously: NOT FUNNY! their faces are all blistered up from the damage they have received
Lizard Cat: Well, isn't that adorable, you three are using your outdoor voices inside. I would LOVE to hear your whining voices outside.
That Guy A: Shut the fuck up! We are going to kick your ass for the massive disrespect there.
Lizard Cat: Oh be quiet. he snaps the talons from his claws together like he's snapping fingers, they all go unconscious from the burns and inhalation damage Thank you.
Fish Cat and Hippoe are fighting each other with sheer force. Hippoe bites down into Fish Cat, which results in his chest to be bleeding out from the impact. Fish Cat responds by charging right into them and piercing their epidermis his sharp teeth. It is a really barbaric scene.
Hippoe: AGH! I highly underestimated your biting capabilities there, Fish Cat.
Fish Cat: And I highly overestimated YOURS, Hippoe. he spits on the floor
Hippoe: You know we're indoors, right? So you're cleaning that up.
Fish Cat: Okay, fine, I'll clean it all up once I get the chance to. he sighs before charging into Hippoe and biting even deeper, this results in the dermis getting pierced
Hippoe: GAH! they cough up some blood as they glare at Fish Cat
Fish Cat: he cackles away OH THIS IS REALLY FUNNY SEEING YOU LIKE THIS, I DON'T KNOW WHY.
Hippoe: Piss off you gluttonous whale! I'm going to beat the hell out of you.
Fish Cat: Alright then, have it your way. Beat the hell out of me, make me cry.
Hippoe: A-are you sure? they stare at Fish Cat in utter confusion
Fish Cat: Yeah, go on, do it! No one is stopping you. he smirks I SAID COME ON!
Hippoe: Okay, okay! they begin sweating as they reluctantly approach Fish Cat Here goes nothing... they attempt to bite into him
Fish Cat: SIKE! he turns and bites right into their hip, they crack and they spew out blood, going unconscious within milliseconds I don't care if I used a dead term, I still won!
Elsewhere, Bird Cat and Pigge are brawling against one another to try and prove who is the stronger one. Pigge has actually made a huge advancement onto Bird Cat, as his eyes are swollen, his left wing is severely damaged, and is covered in blood and bruises. Pigge only has minor scratches. She smiles at the thought of her actually beating Bird Cat in a fight.
Pigge: Hah! Look at you floating there like an idiot! Just admit that you are going to lose this fight against me and we can all just call it a day?
Bird Cat: No, I refuse to give up that easily! You see, I am a professional at calculating and taking down enemies with strategy, and I am not afraid of what you have. I may not be brawn, but I am brains for sure!
Pigge: Yeah, right. A fucking idiot like yourself clearly doesn't understand how to fight back whenever there's a challenge.
Bird Cat: he coughs up some blood Well, affirmative, I don't have the strength, nor do I have the knowledge of how to counter you as we speak. Although I am well known for my ability to think of decent strategies against enemies last second!
Pigge: she scoffs as she glares at him Come on then you fucking spastic, show me your all! she charges right into him
Pigge attempts to pounce onto him and knock him out, however, he actually managed to glide to the side and avoid the impact. And he begins to calculate a decent counter to Pigge's attack. He is locked in as he is focusing.
Pigge: Ugh, NOW what are you doing? she glares at Bird Cat, completely confused at what he's doing
Bird Cat: I am positioning myself to strike your weakest spot. he smiles It is something a simpleton like yourself would find extremely confusing.
Pigge: What is that supposed to mean!? she glares at Bird Cat in utter confusion
Bird Cat: You'll see... trust me!
Bird Cat positions himself right on the path to her weak spot, just above the tail. He smirks as he knows exactly how to defeat Pigge. He focuses once more just to guarantee his success in landing, and he pounces. He bashes right on the bottom of her back and pushes Pigge into a tumble, she ends up bleeding out and bashing into a wall.
Bird Cat: Splendid! I've successfully managed to bash you right in the uncomfortable area! All that's left is to knock you out unconscious.
Pigge: Fine... she coughs up some blood J-just get it over with! I don't want to endure all this pain! she stares at him in defeat
Bird Cat: Your wish is my command! he flies and bashes right into Pigge once more, she eventually goes unconscious as blood spews all over him Now, I believe I should reward myself. But with what?
Meanwhile Cow Cat and Jackie Peng are fighting one another in a kick-ass feud! They are bashing into one another with their beak and horns. Any attacks from Cow Cat is blocked by Jackie Peng's wing. And Jackie Peng's attacks are blocked by Cow Cat's horns. The two are playing surprisingly defensively, rather than properly striking with an offensive move!
Jackie Peng: Chop Kick Penguin 4 is nearly finished! Just give Jackie Peng time to render the audio and sound effects, and it will be an amazing movie for all ages! Omitting the raunchy bed scenes, cover up the kiddies' eyes!
Cow Cat: Thank you for that, I'll keep that in mind whenever I feel the need to have a kid. he smirks away before clamping his hood against the floor Rather unique how I'm fighting you inside your base rather than on the battlefield, don't you think?
Jackie Peng: Ah, blame your idiotic friend! He has the intelligence of a pea! But he is rather funny, and cool.
Cow Cat: Listen here, buckaroo, you can flirt with Fishy' any moment of the day! But for now, embrace a lot of ass kicking on my behalf.
Jackie Peng: I know that! Let Jackie Peng have his moment.
Cow Cat: Huh ...what moment? he stares at Jackie Peng in disbelief
Jackie Peng: THE MOMENT WHERE JACKIE PENG KICKS YOUR ASS TO HIS HOMELAND! Now be prepared for what's to come.
Cow Cat: Go on then... show me what you have to offer. he chuckles away as he watches Jackie Peng charge into him
Jackie Peng whacks his wings against Cow Cat's horns to make an opening, and he pecks him with his beak. This results in his forehead to bleed out as he stumbles back in pain. Cow Cat is quick to respond however. He rushes right into his underbelly and bashes his horns against it. This causes his abdomen to begin bleeding out from the damage. He coughs up blood as he glares at Cow Cat.
Cow Cat: Well, look at that! I may have caused you to hate my guts for the rest of your life. he smirks as he looks down on him
Jackie Peng: he quietly growls under his breath before standing back up Now, you better listen close to Jackie Peng when he says this! I will not tolerate your ridiculous behavior against me, I will show you all damnation as a punishment, if that is okay with you.
Cow Cat: Fine by me, but I'm The Cat God's favorite, so he'll never send me to hell. He LOVES me. he smirks as he walks towards Jackie Peng
Meanwhile with His Majesty, the mighty Cat God himself! He glares down at the scene and chuckles away.
The Cat God: Amen to that, brother, amen to that. he smirks as he watches his favorite Cat attack Jackie Peng, back to the surface
Cow Cat: With The Cat God himself by my side, I can definitely show you what you're fucking with. And let me tell you, it isn't pretty at all. So be warned when I say, you'll be dead within seconds.
Jackie Peng: Hah! Jackie Peng really finds that amusing. But of course you seem like an idiot if you believe you can beat me. he cackles away NOW GET SOME KUNG FU IN YOUR FACE! he prepares to land a kick to his face
Cow Cat: Too late for any of that... buddy! he slides to the side as Jackie Peng misses his kick, he lands on a shelf and knocks its ornaments off Tell me, what do you think about that for a kick, hmm?
Jackie Peng: his beak is busted as there is a crack just above the bleeding nostrils Now, it is time to show you what I am made of! YOU SHALL FACE THE POWER OF JACKIE PENG. he rushes towards Cow Cat
Cow Cat: Oh... no you don't! he rushes right into Jackie Peng
The two of them are locked in. Cow Cat bashes Jackie Peng once more in the head. This results in his forehead to begin spewing out blood as deep horn marks form on his head. Jackie Peng whacks him right in the nose. It is bleeding out tremendously from the impact.
Jackie Peng: Give it up! You will not win against me, I am far superior in every aspect. JACKIE PENG DOES NOT SLEEP AGAINST HIS ENEMIES!
Cow Cat: he coughs up some blood as he thinks to himself (DAMN IT! He is a lot stronger than usual, maybe I should tire him out before making another attack. He is just too good for a normal attack at the moment. I need to make this work!) There's something I should tell you.
Jackie Peng: Huh? What is that? Is it movie theater? he stares in disbelief before Cow Cat speaks up
Cow Cat: he takes a deep breath before speaking up RUNNING AWAY! he rushes out of The Enemy Base and onto the Battlefield
Jackie Peng: he grumbles underhis breath GET BACK HERE! he rushes right after him
Elsewhere, Gross Cat is fighting off against Gory. Gross Cat makes the first move by catching Gory in a vulnerable position and giving him a cold slap to the face. This results in a deep scratch mark to be present as his right cheek bruises and swells up. Gory rubs his cheek before rushing towards Gross Cat. And manages to bash his legs in with his fists. This results in his paws on them to go weak and numb.
Gory: All I can efficiently say in this scenario is the simple quote. "Look how the tables turned!" You tried to use your long range to get a decent advantage against me. But it does not work. Same goes for the Lizard, without the long range, you guys are WEAK!
Gross Cat: Alright, listen here, I don't think you get the idea at hand here. I am simply a jokester who likes using his long range for fun! And I enjoy putting myself in scary positions, because whenever I'm scared, my legs shake, and since they're so long, they look like a guitar string being pulled! he smirks as he tries to recreate if
Gory: DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A SHIT!? he bellows as he puts his face at Gross Cat's one
Gross Cat: AHH! his legs begin to shake, making it look like guitar strings being played S-s-s-see? They s-shake!
Gory: he stares at the legs, and takes a swig of rum Huh, I suppose you could be right. It does appear to be the case now that I'm properly looking at them.
Gross Cat: See what I mean? I am just a jokester. Now do you- he yelps as Gory slams his fists onto his legs -MIND!?
Gory: Hah! Oh you are really cracking me up right now, you're like Baa Baa, but better. But at the cost of being unable to cook chicken casserole.
Gross Cat: Oh damn, I didn't think you would be so obsessed over the food, but I guess I can't blame you! It does look quite tasty. he giggles away as he coughs up some blood But fuck, you really screwed up my legs there. And that is something I do not tolerate! I am going to kick your ass and it will NOT be pretty. You will suffer so hard to the point where you'll be unable to do even the most basic leg movement.
Gory: Is that so? Well, PROVE IT TO ME THEN! Make me suffer like I made you did. It's revenge that you want, isn't it? Well, COME AND GET SOME PAYBACK.
Gross Cat: Oh, you do NOT know how happy I am that you said that. Of course I'll go out of my way to make sure that you get plunged into hell. And it will be a breeze. he smirks as he walks towards Gory Come here, you!
Gory shrugs his shoulders as he rushes right towards Gross Cat, however, before he could land a hit, Gross Cat bashes Gory's face with a slap of the paw, and he ends up tripping across the floor. His lip is bleeding as he is covered in several bruises. He glares at Gross Cat, as he simply lays back and enjoys the view presented in front of him. He just smiles away.
Gory: GAH! he coughs up some blood as he grabs his arm Shit... you really did manage to fuck me up there.
Gross Cat: Well, what else is there to say other than, "DAMN STRAIGHT!" or "DAMN RIGHT!". he giggles as he grins egotistically Now, I believe I should finish you off now, otherwise we'd be overwhelmed with all of these enemies!
Gory: Oh shut the hell up already! he scoffs as he rushes towards Gross Cat
Gross Cat: NOT IF I HAVE A SAY IN THIS! Which I doubt I will even have because you asked me to shut up. Which I did.
Gory: No you didn't...
Gross Cat: Yeah... I DID, BITCH! he gives him a kick in the crotch, and Gory goes pale and gets knocked out cold from the impact almost instantly How dare you even QUESTION my thought process? You think you're so high and mighty, but this humbling session is definitely proving otherwise. Now, I think it's safe to assume that everyone else is sorted, he yawns time to take a nap here.
Meanwhile, Axe Cat attempts to break down the glass surrounding the Inferior, Normal, and Superior Musical Treasure variants. However, he is quickly stopped by Baa Baa, who offers to tell him a joke.
Baa Baa: Do you want to hear a joke? he takes out a sheet of paper
Axe Cat: he groans as he rubs his head Fine... tell me this sodding joke of yours. And it better be good now.
Baa Baa: How come pirates don't know the alphabet? he looks at Axe Cat blankly
Axe Cat: Oh, I don't know, how come pirates don't know the alphabet?
Baa Baa: Because they always get lost at "C". This is the part where you laugh. he puts away his sheet of paper
Axe Cat: pessimistically Ha. Ha. Now I believe it's time you get your ass handed to you! What do you think, sheepy?
Baa Baa: I strongly disagree with the idea.
Axe Cat: AW COME ON! You're never fun. I hope you realize that. he rolls his eyes before drawing his axe Maybe Matilda can help you out here.
Baa Baa: I don't think an axe which you named after a popular girl's name will be helpful here. he stares at Axe Cat blankly
Axe Cat: What the fuck did you just say to me? SAY IT AGAIN TO MY FACE.
Baa Baa: No.
Axe Cat: YOU SON A BITCH, GET BACK HERE! he rushes towards Baa Baa and bashes his head with the axe, this results in his head bleeding out from the impact
Baa Baa: Ow. he grabs his bleeding head I'm going to attack back now. he charges at Axe Cat and bashes his head with his horns Don't injure a ram while he's telling jokes.
Axe Cat: BUT YOU JUST FINISHED. he sighs I see why you're considered to be so powerful now. But you don't stand a chance against me. And you never will.
Baa Baa: But I just d- gets interrupted by Axe Cat
Axe Cat: OH SHUT THE HELL UP! I can't stand you anymore. Why do you have to be so God damn annoying!? he continues to bash his Axe on Baa Baa's chest, which results in blood to spew from his chest
Baa Baa: Ow. Stop it.
The two continue to bash into one another to create a decent fight scene. Axe Cat actually managed to receive quite a lot of injuries from Baa Baa. Such as his black eye, and his bruised up face, and his bleeding nose. He manages to pick up his axe and sends a blow right onto Baa Baa's face, which causes him to stumble backwards and land onto the ground in agony.
Axe Cat: I believe this calls for a celebration, don't you think?
Baa Baa: I believe you should stop making fun of me.
Axe Cat: Like a said earlier, that dumbass fun meter of yours, TURN IT UP! he groans as he grabs his axe once more
Baa Baa: How about a joke t- he gets hit in the noggin with his axe, this results in him being sliced as he goes down, unconscious
Axe Cat: How about you stay quiet the next time, maybe I will leave you alone and won't torture your mental well-being!
Elsewhere, Tank Cat and Sir Seal are fighting it out like real lunatics. Tank Cat is mainly attempting to dodge Sir Seal's moves before they could destroy him. But thankfully, in Tank Cat's favor, Bean Cats come along and save him from being murdered by the hungry seal! They bounce on him repeatedly until they give him a Knock Back attack! Sir Seal ends up being pushed back into a wall, and causes a lamp to fall and land on his tail, which results in a bleeding sensation as it gets crushed and burns his tail.
Sir Seal: OW, RAGH! My tail got burned from this bitch ass lamp! he scoffs Now, time to take on the Tank of Beans!
Tank Cat: Ooh, not bad of a name there! I like it quite a bit. he smiles
Sir Seal: he smirks at the compliment Well, naming things is one of my specialties! You should try it out sometime.
Tank Cat: Ooh, that sounds like a really fun way of spending the afternoon. he giggles away
Bean Cat R: Tank Cat, don't listen to him, he is trying to persuade you to join the Authorial Association!
Sir Seal: Now listen here, runt. he grins menacingly Who the hell said I was persuading anyone to join my army. All I did was be flattered from the compliment.
Tank Cat: That's nice. But how are we supposed to beat you in a fight?
Bean Cat L: It's simple! He may be massive, but if you keep bashing him while he's in a Knock Back trance. He'll be defenseless! he giggles away at the plan he made
Tank Cat: Ooh, that is a really good idea! Now let's show that Seal who the real Sir is around here! he smirks as he faces Sir Seal Okay, since I am a damage soaker, so just go all in at me! I can take it.
Sir Seal: Alright then, if that is what you want. I can do that. he grins as he rushes towards Tank Cat and Bean Cats
Bean Cat L: I'm sorry, we're not letting you pass, friend! You have to make it past us.
Sir Seal: I don't mind the minor commotion. he cackles away NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.
Bean Cat R: Not happening, pussy! he giggles as the two of them bounce on Sir Seal's head and bashes his face, until a Knock Back occurs Now, how is that for epic?
Tank Cat: It's my time to shine! he rushes towards Sir Seal and bashes his head against his torso Now, it's time to die, you little Seal!
Sir Seal: AGH! he coughs up some blood as his throat gets whacked by Tank Cat's head I'm not letting you get away with this.
Bean Cat R: Too bad, it already happened, and you can't do a thing about it!
Sir Seal: he growls as he towers over everyone I will NOT let you all mock me like that. You will pay the ultimate price for mocking me. he coughs up some more blood
Tank Cat: No, this strategy is perfect, I feel like I'm hitting you where it hurts the most! he giggles away
Sir Seal: My throat hurts after all the mussels I ate. he begins to gag and go pale Oh fuck...
Tank Cat: Are you going to get sick on me by any chance, if so, NOW IS THE GOOD TIME TO LET ME KNOW!
Sir Seal: Ugh, my head hurts... I will not give up. I will beat the shit out of you. he bites into Tank Cat's torso, which causes to to get crushed and bleed out
Tank Cat: AGH! he clutches his torso in pain after being bitten in such a barbaric manner Why did it have to hurt so much though...?
Sir Seal: Oh... I'm about to throw up! he gets nauseous and fortunately throws up into a garbage can, but he goes out unconscious from the pressure his body received from the throat
Tank Cat: Ow... my chest hurts so bad. he barely manages to walk in pain
Bean Cat L: You sure showed them how to kick ass!
Bean Cat R: Yeah, that was mighty impressive stuff there! But now, let's find everyone else and get out of here.
Tank Cat: he smirks away Yeah... the others are probably worried sick about us!
And finally, that leaves us with Cat and Bob going up against Croco. Bob just watched in awe as Cat and Croco had a wrestling session. Croco repeatedly bit into Cat's ears, which caused them both to crumple up and bleed. Cat responded by biting down into Croco's neck, this resulted in Croco bleeding out as his neck gets crushed from the impact.
Bob: Don't mind me when I ask this, but... what in the actual fuck am I looking at!? he cackles away É como duas maricas brigando por perfume! (It's like watching two sissies fight over perfume!)
Cat: Yeah, Bob, do you know what could be helpful around here? HELPING ME OUT!
Bob: Okay, okay, sheesh. I was just watching that shit because it's funny as hell. But it will take me like... two seconds to help you out here.
Cat: HURRY UP ALREADY! He actually has me pinned down.
Croco: Damn straight! And your conversation was really badass for my correspondence studies. And a motherfucker better start showing respect once I'm around. So I'll pin down anyone that disrespects me.
Bob: There's no way this weak ass motherfucker is thinking I'm going to show him respect in an authoritarian manner. he smirks as he grabs Croco by the head
Croco: Hey, put me down! I don't want you to carry me like this. It's really embarrassing. he wriggles around in Bob's grip
Bob: Não, (No) I'm going to beat the fuck out of you! he smirks as he bashes Croco into the floor Well, look at that! I got him bleeding like hell.
Croco is cowering on the floor. He is bleeding from his jaw, and his tail. His abdomen is bruised up, and his left eye is blacked out. Bob just smirks as he steps on Croco.
Cat: Wow... you really are showing him no mercy there. he giggles as he watches the scene ahead Damn Bob. That was pretty epic if you ask me. he sighs as he stands himself up and brushes off the dirt off his fur
Bob: Heh, it's about damn time that we get going and get the treasure. Bob goes to where the treasure is and grabs the Inferior, Normal, and Superior Musical Treasure There we go.
Jackie Peng: Wait... Jackie Peng is getting to survive the attack!? OH YEAH, JACKIE PENG IS NUMBER ONE! Show me all the respect in the w- he interrupts himself after he realizes the whole room is empty
Bob: Yeah, yeah, adeus, Jackie Peng! (goodbye, Jackie Peng!) he smirks away as he exits the base
Cow Cat: I still can't believe I was run in for so long to the point where I was actually stalling in favor of Jackie Peng and his survival!
Eventually, the entire Battle Act make their way inside of The Cat Base. And they all begin to tend to their injuries as they are discussing the events of the battle. They are all predicting the outcomes of tomorrow's mission. As Bob eventually speaks up.
Bob: Say, where the hell are we heading to next? And who are we going up against? And what is the treasure?
Cat: Oh, of course! he smirks as he opens up his Log Book as he lands on the correct page Okay, tomorrow, we are all going South, to Bermuda! And we are going to try and obtain the Flight Recorder treasure variants. And we are going up against; Doge, Snache, Those Guys, Croco, B.B.Bunny, and an unknown enemy as a boss! And it is going to be quite an intense journey for sure! So everyone, get prepared for our journey to Bermuda tomorrow. Finally after a long while I get t- he interrupts himself To face another boss!
Tank Cat: We are going up against a boss! That is going to be intense for sure. But anyways, I'm sure that we could manage to accomplish this with ease. But I'm heading to bed now, goodnight!
And so, all of the Cats make their way to the enemy base for sleep. It was a kick-ass journey for sure that day. Now tomorrow, it is going to be the final treasure required to obtain the Legendary Cat Sword, meaning they will be dealing extra damage for every attack after they obtain this treasure. It is going to be a really intense moment tomorrow, they are going to need as much wit as possible in order to execute this properly, but for now, let them sleep and dream away of the possibilities of tomorrow.
TO BE CONTINUED
And just like that, 34 editions of my story DONE! And I just wanted to apologize for my 3 day hiatus, I broke my consecutive streak, but at least I'm back at it with the story. Since this edition takes place in New York, I wanted to make a unique story that fits well with The Big Apple! I hope you enjoyed what I managed to accomplish with this edition.
Anyways, stay tuned for the next edition coming very soon!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him, just as long as you credit the owner and don't profit.
The song 99 Problems is owned by Jay-Z and its composers.
Any references to Jay-Z are not authorized on his, nor is agents behalf, such references should be considered as commentary and as parodies.
This story is 100% unofficial, and can be considered as Fan made.