WELCOME MY LOVIES TO THE TWENTY SECOND EDITION OF MY KICK-ASS STORY, BASED OFF OF THE HIT MOBILE GAME THE BATTLE CATS, KNOWN SIMPLY AS: THE BATTLE CATS: X! I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER.
It was a freezing cold day in Russia. The Battle Act members are just about to wake up. Over in Bob and Cat's room, they take a look outside at the Russian battlefield, it is covered in a foot thick heap of snow! The two give each other glances before talking.
Bob: Hey Cat, look, it's all white! Now isn't that special? he grins as he allows him to look out the window
Cat: he's in astonishment Wow! I can't wait to spend time in that heap of snow, it looks so beautiful. he looks at Bob and nudges him
Bob: I guess we can have a little bit of snow fun before making it out to the battlefield, don't you think? he rushes outside Come on now! Let's go and tell the others over this beautiful sight. Neve como essa não acontece com muita frequência! (Snow like this doesn't happen very often!)
Bob and Cat go into everyone's rooms one by one, well, two by two, actually, and tells them all about the snow. They all seem excited to be out playing in this snow, and have childlike fun like they did back when they were tiny little kits. They all head out of the Cat Base and into the backyard, everyone frolics in the snow. Axe Cat and Fish Cat are helping each other against Gross Cat and Lizard Cat to build a bigger snowman. Tank Cat and Bird Cat are making igloos from the snow. Cat is making snow angels and drags Bob down to join him. Cow Cat throws some snow balls at the others to tease them. Everyone is having fun outside!
Axe Cat: Okay, what final touches do you think we need on our snowman to make him...special!
Fish Cat: I say we add some twigs! It'll make it look so epic. Do you want me to grab some twigs?
Axe Cat: Holy hell yes! Find a forest nearby and get some. We'll need as much as possible in order to beat them.
Fish Cat: As much as possible? You got it, Axe Cat. Fish Cat rushes out in order to find some twigs
Lizard Cat: Do you seriously believe these idiots have a chance at beating us!? Wait until they see our gigantic snowman, ready to be shown to the public.
Gross Cat: Here's some coal, make him look spectacular. We need him to win this little competition of ours. he places some coal onto the snowman
Lizard Cat: Oh, we are so going to win! he giggles as he adds some final touches to their snowman
Fish Cat arrives back, he has a giant smile as he drops down a huge pile of twigs, enough to be compared to a plastic wrap of spaghetti! Axe Cat just stares in disbelief, he grabs them all.
Axe Cat: HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND ALL OF THESE? I could use them to give Matilda a better stick. But I could also use them f- gets interrupted by Fish Cat
Fish Cat: USE THEM ON THE DAMN SNOWMAN, DUDE! It took me ages to find all these...and I'm not really a hunter gatherer.
Axe Cat: Are you sure about that? he looks at the possibly thirty sticks on the floor Wait, I have an idea, let's add them onto the base of the snowman like so...
Both sides finish off their snowmen, they grab the attention of the others to come and make out a unanimous decision on which is better. Cow Cat was busy snow balling Bob to the point where he didn't realize. They all take a look at what they have to show.
Axe Cat: Okay! If you're genuinely curious enough to find out, here is our snowman, MATILDO THE HUNGRY!
It is a ginormous snow axe with spiked rigid parts at the face of the axe. It was given a face with two stones, and has arms made from two of the twigs. The other twenty eight were used to support the base and give it a wood-like appearance. Everyone seems impressed with the final result. Gross Cat and Axe Cat just mumble in disagreement.
Gross Cat: HAH! You call that a snowman? Let me show you all how to make a proper snowman, me and Lizard Cat prepared this with our hearts and our souls! Let me introduce you to...LIZARD LONG LEGS!
It is a tall Godzilla-like creature with long legs and a slender body. The coal was used to smudge the snow to form thick bushy eyebrows, as well as shading on the snowman. It has twig arms and a carrot tongue. It is probably a monster hybrid of Gross Cat and Lizard Cat. As it contains very similar features to them, except it isn't a cat.
Cat: Oh god damn, those are some big snowmen for sure! I can't decide!
Tank Cat: Maybe we should just do a coin toss at this rate, I believe it would make a fair and balanced win,
Bird Cat: I believe they wanted to hear our opinions, Tank Cat. But if I were to really decide on the final winner, I'd go by logic, as to which one looks more durable, and I'd have to go with Matildo the Hungry.
Bob: Oh Jesus, I wonder what Matildo is based off of! he flicks his toothpick as he chuckles away
Axe Cat: Just so you know, Matilda and Matildo are not the same! Nor is Matildo based upon Matilda, they have nothing in common! But I'd admit, Matildo looks like he can slaughter any enemy in seconds!
Fish Cat: I gave our snowman the sharp teeth idea! And the big face, so he now looks like a buffoon! What do you guys think of the final result? Is it enough to earn your votes.
Cat: Hmm, I'm sorry, I'm going for Lizard Long Legs here! He looks so cool and badass, and definitely the monster I want to see in a movie! he giggles as he admires the snowman
Lizard Cat: Why thank you, Cat! We made sure this motherfucker looks as epic as possible. Gross Cat's long enough paws came in a huge advantage, which allowed us to efficiently build this guy up from scratch.
Gross Cat: That's right! A tiny, fire breathing Cat would NOT grant the win here. So he needed a tall companion in order to get us the win. he cackles as he impersonates Lizard Cat by breathing out frosty breath in the cold, as if he was breathing fire embers
Lizard Cat: he whacks Gross Cat in the head with his tail Quit it, you idiot! But hopefully, we can get a second person to vote for ours. Every little vote contributes to the unanimous vote being in our favor.
Tank Cat: You know what? I'm also going to go for Lizard Long Legs! I love how you tried to recreate shading on him, which is impressive stuff. I also love Matildo the Hungry, but I'm voting for the one which I prefer! Bob, who do you believe is the best candidate for the winner?
Bob: Ah, não sei. (I don't know) If I'm being honest, I believe that...MATILDO is cooler, mainly because it's an axe with sharp teeth and eyes! I do love me some cartoon characters made from objects. Damn it, it's a tie, WHERE THE HELL IS COW CAT!? I thought I already brought him here.
Suddenly, Cow Cat jumps from the bushes and starts jumping on all of The Battle Act. He throws snowballs at everyone when they least expected it. They all seem scared and caught off guard, except Bob, he just seems pissed.
Cow Cat: SURPRISE SNOW BALLS! WESTERN STYLE! he throws snowballs as if he's firing a rifle (somehow) but he trips, and lands on the snowmen, causing them both to get destroyed Oh shit, my bad there, fellas!
Axe Cat, Fish Cat, Gross Cat, and Lizard Cat simultaneously: WHY YOU LITTLE-...
The four of them begin chasing him around. Their hard works were ruined by their clumsy friend with hooves that have terrible grip. They end up chasing him all around the backyard until they all pounce on him and start throwing snowballs on him.
Cow Cat: he grumbles OKAY! I SAID I WAS SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I'll say which one is better, I was hiding in the bush, I saw the final products!
Lizard Cat: Oh yeah? Which one was better than the other? he growls as he swirls his tail
Cow Cat: Yours...LIZARD LONG LEGS! he seems worried for his life
Gross Cat: WE WIN! WE WIN! In your face, losers! Hah! he runs around with Lizard Cat, the two are chanting and jeering together
Axe Cat: All that hard work coming up with an original name...WASTED! he scoffs as he stands up
Bob: Yeah...the enemies are probably getting ready to beat the shit out of us now. We've been outside messing around for two consecutive hours! We're so fucked...
Cat: Wait Bob...why are you wearing your usual outfit out in the snow? Aren't you going to freeze to death? It's below -20F (or -29C) out here...
Bob: Huh? the coldness kicks in AGH! IT'S FREEZING!! he is jittering as he clutches his body FUCK!
All of the Cats except Bird Cat simultaneously: DID YOU ONLY JUST REALIZE THAT NOW?
Bird Cat: I may have a theory on why that is! Our friend's body here reacts on how others want it to react. In much simpler words, he only feels cold once someone tells him the weather is cold. Similar to how a baby only cries once its parents comfort it after an injury, as it is told to show pain in these situations! Now, someone get him a jacket before he passes out!
Cow Cat: Leave it to me! he rushes inside and looks for a jacket for Bob
Tank Cat: While you're waiting, allow me to warm you up! he grabs Bob's legs and nuzzles into him to warm him up with his fur
Bob: Heh, thanks Tank Cat, I appreciate it! he grins as he rummages his hand through his head, causing him to purr softly
Cat: Hey! Let me have some of that! he giggles as he joins in on the nuzzling, Bob pets him back too, he purrs softly from the affection
Cow Cat: Here you go! A fur jacket straight from the attic. he puts it on Bob and he grins
Gross Cat: Are we going to attack these enemies now? he looks at everyone with impatience and excitement
Cat: Yeah...let's get going now. he smirks as he goes inside of the Cat Base, followed by everyone else
They all stare in anticipation at the enemy base, once the time is right, they all come out and charge out into the battlefield. They stare inside as they all take a moment to admire the enemy base in front of them. It is a stereotypical Russian base based off of your average Russian dolls! Which are dolls that separate in two parts that have a smaller doll inside of them, and that one has a smaller doll inside of it, and THAT doll h- I think you know what I mean. It is made out of three giant Russian dolls put in a single file line. The largest one in green and blue attire. One in pink and white attire. And the smallest in yellow and orange attire. It was a really impressive base, especially considering it's made purely from wood.
Lizard Cat: I wonder if my fire can burn through the enemy base. It would be interesting if that's the case. he smirks as he moves towards the base
Axe Cat: What the hell are they talking about!? I just want to slice all of these enemies already, I don't give a shit about what they're planning, I just want to get some blood to spew.
Fish Cat: I want to get the Vodka treasures! I wonder if I can drink them all?
Cat: Woah, easy there, tiger! he grabs Fish Cat We're not having a repeat of last time. And plus, the Vodka treasure isn't even drinkable! he looks at the enemy base I wonder what the enemies are up to...
Inside of the Enemy Base, Snache is painting on himself, using Baa Baa to hold the mirror. Baa Baa is just obliging to do it without asking. Gory is drinking some coffee as he watches Those Guys and Jackie Peng play video games. None of them seem like they're preparing for fighting. They all are just doing their own thing.
Snache: Thanks again for being my mirror holder, Baa Baa! I really appreciate it my friend. he smirks as he continues painting himself
Baa Baa: You're welcome. I like being a mirror holder. When can I stop?
Snache: ONCE YOU'RE FINISHED! Just be patient, you dumbass.
Gory: Snache, what the actual fuck are you doing to Baa Baa? he scoffs in disbelief Finish up already, we have a battle to complete in.
Snache: I'm going to be over soon, just wait. he sighs as he finishes painting his body with water colors Okay, Baa Baa, you can do whatever you want now.
Baa Baa: My chicken casserole is getting cold. I'll eat it now. he removes the mirror off of his back and goes to his meal
That Guy A: HAH! Another win for me! You guys can't stand a chance against my epic cheat code skills.
Jackie Peng: Ooh, Jackie Peng is ANGRY! You will pay for cheating your way to victory.
Baa Baa: The Cats are outside. And so is Bob. he points outside at the enemies in front of them
The other enemies simultaneously: WHAT!? they all look around in disbelief
That Guy B: Let's go ahead and kick The Battle Act right in its ass! he grins before making it outside, followed by everyone else
The enemies all make it outside. They spread out, ready for combat. They all give looks at The Battle Act. Eventually, Baa Baa speaks up. All of the attention is now on him.
Baa Baa: I am cold. he begins to shiver emotionlessly, the enemies just ignore him
Gory: Why don't we attack these motherfuckers and show them who we are?
Jackie Peng: Jackie Peng is not cold. I come from Antarctica, I was designed for these temperatures! And I can handle hot temperatures well enough too. JACKIE PENG IS THE SUPERIOR BEING!
Gross Cat: Oh, shut it, you! he grumbles as he kicks away some snow at his foot
Snache: Hey Bob, I love that coat of yours. Where did you get it? he eyes the coat up and down inadmiration
Bob: Thanks! I got it from the Cats, it was for the snow, to keep me warm, you know? he chuckles as he shows it off
Gory: Okay! We have been wasting our time for too long now! Let's kick their asses so hard to tell point where they'll be seeing in black and white!
Bob: Oh, it's so fucking on! LET'S GO GET THEM! he flicks his toothpick as he charges right into the enemies
The Battle Begins! Bob and Gory clash right into each other! Gory makes the first move by bashing his fists into Bob's stomach, causing it to bruise up and cause bleeding in his mouth. Bob weakly gets up and sends a punch right into Gory's face, causing his face to bust up and swell up. He grabs his bleeding nose and yells in agony.
Gory: AGH! You fucking idiot! I'll get you for that. he grumbles before rushing up to Bob
Bob: Heh, Boa sorte com isso! (Good luck with that!) Now prepare to face all of my power. For I am Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, the king of combat!
The two continue to clash into one another. Meanwhile, Cat and Gross Cat are fighting against Snache. Gross Cat starts attacking by whacking Snache across the face, causing it to leave a mark on his right cheek. Snache then counters his by attacking Gross Cat with a bite into his face, causing it to bleed out. Cat then pounces on Snache and attempts to remove him from Gross Cat. It is quite a scene if you really look at it.
Gross Cat: What do you want from me? he groans as he tries to grab Snache off of his face
Cat: Hey Gross, allow me to help! he grabs Snache and tries to pull him off of Gross Cat Agh, his grip is a lot stronger than I thought!
Snache: Yeah, never underestimate me! For I am a skilled fighter who's experienced with biting and pissing people off. he grins as he bites deeper into Gross Cat
Gross Cat: Well, why don't you quit acting like a nutcase and get off of me before I hit you with a case full of nuts!? Or even better...I could- gets interrupted by Snache
Snache: OH FUCK! DON'T DO THAT PLEASE! he quickly climbs off Gross Cat's face and backs away
Cat: Well, look what we have here, a snake who's far too scared of a little bit of action! That must be a shame if you really think about it. he giggles as he pokes Snache, who bites his paw OW! he bites Snache back
Gross Cat: Hey, who gave you the right to bite my colleague? I thought this was you and me Snache! WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY ME?
Cat and Snache simultaneously: Huh? they both are visibly confused, even after the added context
Gross Cat: he grabs Snache Time to show why you should not to turn your back on me!
Snache: he shakes in fear Uhh... what are you going to do to me?
Gross Cat: I'm going to do this of course! he jumps on Snache and slams his body into his sharp elbow, causing his neck to bleed out
Cat: Oh my god...this is actually insane! he watches in both horror and amusement as Gross Cat assaults Snache
Snache: GAH! he coughs up some blood and it lands on Gross Cat YOU VILE BASTARD! I'm going to get you for that.
Gross Cat: Heh, no you're not! he slams into Snache again, causing him to bleed out more and go unconscious YEAH, GROSS CAT STRIKES AGAIN! With minor assistance from Cat.
Cat: he giggles with happiness Yeah...take that you wretched snake! he turns to Gross Cat So...now what?
Gross Cat: Let's try and find where the others are. And maybe we can help them out against their battles. he shrugs And a spot to wipe off this blood...he looks at the snow and rubs his blood-stained arm against it, causing it to turn pink/red Okay, we're sorted! Let's go.
Elsewhere, Tank Cat and Cow Cat are fighting against Those Guys. Those Guys all begin to slap the two of them as per usual. Tank Cat grabs that Guy A and slams into his head, causing it to bruise up. He responds by punching Tank Cat in the face, causing his nose to start bleeding from the impact.
Tank Cat: AGH! My nose... you little brat! I'll get you for that. And it won't be a lovely experience. he pouts as he grabs his nose
That Guy A: Do I look like I give a shit? Of course I don't! he forms a tiny snowball and flings it at Tank Cat This is Russia, home of the vodka! And it feels amazing to be here.
Cow Cat: I don't want to intervene in any shit but, I can definitely say with confidence that Vodka originated in Poland! Actually...thinking about it now, "Jablovskyy" sounds more like a Polish surname than a Russian one. BY ANY CHANCE IS BOB PART POLISH? God damn, if so, that is some wild stuff, I might need a shot of milk in order to get my head straight.
That Guy C: Then how come the treasure in Russia is vodka if the drink is actually Polish? he stares at Cow Cat blankly as he keeps slapping his face
That Guy B: Russia obviously became a high vodka consumer! So they overshadowed Poland when it comes to our favorite starchy beverage!
Tank, Cow, and Those Guys A and C simultaneously: NONE OF US DRINK, YOU IDIOT!
That Guy B: Okay, I'm sorry, sheesh. he crosses his arms as his legs wrap around tightly on Cow Cat's head
Cow Cat: Can the two of you get the actual fuck off of me right now? I don't want to murder you guys in front of Tank Cat.
Tank Cat: I'll murder THAT GUY he points at That Guy A for breaking my nose! he bashes his head into him, causing him to bleed out and fall on the floor
That Guy A: Ow...that really hurt! he pouts as he rubs his injured face
Tank Cat: I don't care! Eat the snow, bite the curb, and PISS OFF! he slams his paw into That Guy A's crown (part of the head) causing him to bleed out and go unconscious YEAH, TAKE THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
Cow Cat: Woah, easy there Tank Cat. We don't want you to kill one of us! Let me finish off the other two... he smirks as he stares coldly into Those Guys B and C
That Guy B: Is it me, or do I feel the cold temperatures getting even colder?
That Guy C: It is his glare, we are all going to die! he cowers in fear before being slammed in the head by Cow Cat ARGH! My head... his forehead is bleeding out, and his left elbow is broken
That Guy B: Can you at least spare me? I'll give you anything! Money, Cat Food, Treasure, ANYTHING!
Cow Cat: I want to get rid of you two, one way or another, It's karma, for beating the shit out of me and my friend. he grumbles as he charges right into them
Cow Cat bashes into both of Those Guys B and C, they each go unconscious from the impact of the attack. All three of Those Guys just lay on the floor, unable to move or fight back. Now Tank Cat and Cow Cat just watch in amusement as they bury in the show.
Tank Cat: That was so epic, Cow Cat! The way you just single handedly did that to both of them! he giggles At least they're no longer an issue for us. But let's try and find the others before they end up getting pretty injured.
Cow Cat: Yeah...where the hell is everyone at? I just want to find a good target to run into so I can bash them into more enemies.
Tank Cat: Me too! Let's get going, before any enemy could sneak into the Cat Base while we're just talking!
They nod and run after another enemy to try and take down. Axe Cat and Lizard Cat are facing against Jackie Peng nearby. Axe Cat is protecting Lizard Cat as he casually snipes Jackie Peng from afar. Jackie Peng whacks Axe Cat's right cheek, causing it to swell up and for his jaw to bleed out. He responds by sending a blow to the back of his head with his axe. Causing Jackie Peng to spew blood from his crown and neck. Lizard Cat watches this in amusement.
Axe Cat: he coughs up some blood Aw, come on! Don't just stand there, help me! I need your help in order to take him down, you know? he scoffs as he and Jackie Peng continue to brawl one on one
Lizard Cat: Afraid I can't do anything, friend! I'm in the middle of preparing an epic blast of fire right into this son of a bitch and he doesn't even realize it! he grins slyly as he approaches Jackie Peng
Jackie Peng: Ah, hello Lizard Cat! Did you come to fight Jackie Peng? he cackles loudly as he spreads his stubby wings You will be humbled so badly.
Lizard Cat: Oh, you're telling me I'M going to be humbled so badly? I have a perfect plan in my head and you don't realize it. Hehe. his tail wraps around Jackie Peng's waist Now, prepare to be fucked up as I burn you down to nothing but a crisp. his tongue slithers as he stares into Jackie Peng's eyes
Axe Cat: My God...WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Matilda wants to bash him in the head, not listen to whatever the hell you're going to tell him. he growls as he grows impatient by the second
Lizard Cat: Can you just be quiet for a second? I'm trying to plan out my attack perfectly! It needs to be efficient and effective! Now I would really appreciate it if you were to hush for a second and let me think.
Jackie Peng: So, you're going to fight Jackie Peng without having a plan against him!? he bursts laughing THAT IS SO FUNNY! Oh shit, Jackie Peng will wet himself.
Lizard Cat: Ooh, I have an idea! he makes his way towards Axe Cat and whispers his idea into his ear Okay, so I am going to make it towards Jackie Peng, and persuade him to beat up Gory over there!he points at Bob and Gory fighting And since Gory is far stronger than Jackie Peng, he will beat the shit out of him in seconds! Isn't my idea such a good one? I was ingenious enough to make out a decent plan, now follow it!
Axe Cat: Right...I thinkI understand!he turns to Jackie Peng and speaks out loud LIZARD CAT, DO YOUR THING!
Jackie Peng: Huh? What did they even blabber about? he scratches his head in confusion, and worsens his injuries AY, MY HEAD!
Lizard Cat: Jackie Peng, how about we...talk about a mutual agreement, huh? he grins as he wraps his tail around Jackie Peng and giggles Do you see Gory over there? He was talking shit about YOU, the legendary JACKIE PENG! Now, all I want you to do is to go over there and give him a piece of your mind, what do you think? Will you do it...for me?
Jackie Peng: Gory is a gorilla with an ugly scary mug, a gambling problem, and an alcohol addiction! There's no way he's talking shit about me! JACKIE PENG WILL SLAUGHTER YOU GORY! he frolics in anger as he charges towards Gory
Bob: Hey Gory! he coughs up some blood Someone is looking for you! And they seem pissed off...
Gory: Huh? What are you talking about? he clutches his ribs as he turns to see Jackie Peng What do you want?
Jackie Peng: JUSTICE! You will pay the price for talking lip about Jackie Peng!
Gory: But I wasn't e- gets interrupted with a kick to the face by Jackie Peng, causing his eye to bruise up and blacken OW, YOU HIT MY EYE, you moron!
Bob: O que diabos é isso!? (What the hell is this!?) Lizard Cat, by any chance did you hypnotize Jackie Peng? he stares at him in confusion
Lizard Cat: I negotiated with him! There is a huge difference between the two, sir!
Bob: he's slightly offended Did you just call me...sir?he starts feeling his face for potential wrinkles I'm only 16... I'd rather be called a brat at this rate! he chuckles as he flicks his toothpick
Axe Cat: Eh, we're all Cats, so we age a LOT faster, so the average age for a cat is very small! For example, we are actually in our single digits of age. So 16 is the age of an elderly Cat. We're still fucking idiots when it comes to Human aging! We could only WISH to reach the age of 32...
Bob: Ah I get it now...I forgot cats age faster than humans did. he flicks his toothpick as he cracks his knuckles
Lizard Cat: Ooh, Jackie Peng and Gory are BRAWLING like crazy!
Bob: Hey, hey, hey! Let me have a see. he rushes towards the two of them fighting
Jackie Peng and Gory were both fucked up from their fights with The Battle Act. Gory has bruises everywhere, his lips were bleeding, his nose is inflamed and bruised, his head had a massive scar on it, and his right leg was cracked. While Jackie Peng has burns all over his torso, a slice across his crown and neck, and he is bleeding from his beak. The two clearly have no shot at surviving any more hits.
Gory: I already told you I was sorry! How come it's so hard to understand such a basic premise? he grabs his fists and beats on his chest like a gorilla You are my colleague, yet you chose to fight me, now you must suffer!
Jackie Peng: If Jackie Peng is your colleague, then why do you consider him to be a target for your potty mouth!? Lizard Cat told me about you! You get no early access to Chop Kick Penguin 4 anymore!
Gory: Lizard Cat!? HE DID HIS FUCKING HYPNOSIS THING ON YOU! I can't believe you fell for the most obvious trap ever.
Jackie Peng: Is this true Lizard Cat, I thought Jackie Peng was your friend! he growls in anger
Lizard Cat: Hold up, since WHEN was I your friend? If I tell you to do something, that doesn't make us a team!
Axe Cat: YEAH, NOW IT'S TIME TO DELIVER THE FINAL BLOW WITH MY AXE! he grins as he rushes towards Jackie Peng and Gory Ready Bob?
Bob: Ready! he grins as he grabs both their heads and bashes them in together, causing them to both bleed out and fall NOW AXE CAT! DO IT WHILE THERE'S TIME!
Axe Cat: RAH! he pounces on them and delivers a sharp blow with his axe, causing their heads to spew blood, they are unconscious now Phew...that should do the trick...only enemy left is... he sighs in annoyance ...Baa Baa.
Bob: Nope, I'm not doing it! I'm throwing...wait, which one of them is heavier? he lifts both Jackie Peng and Gory to compare their weights I'm throwing Gory into the enemy base and obtaining the Vodka treasure variants!
Lizard Cat: You do that, Bob, we'll be here waiting! he smirks as he sits on top of Axe Cat
Axe Cat: Get the hell off of me! Or I'll slice you up and make you into a reptile stew. he grumbles, but eventually gives in, and lets him stay on
Bird Cat and Fish Cat are the two who are fighting against Baa Baa! Baa Baa is head butting the both of them, causing their heads to leave a dent and bruise up. Bird Cat pounces on Baa Baa, causing his face to bleed out and for him to trip onto the snow. But he doesn't respond to the pain.
Bird Cat: I believe we should finish you off, but I can't see any other conscious enemy around here. How about we duel until one of your acquaintances arrive and we can finish you?
Fish Cat: I say we kill the motherfucker! he grins menacingly at Baa Baa, but he still doesn't respond, this upsets Fish Cat AW, COME ON! Isn't there anything that scares you?
Baa Baa: Being too ordinary. And my jokes not being funny. That is it. he eats some grass through the snow Cold.
Fish Cat: You tell JOKES!? Since when? When the hell did you become a comedian? he stares at Baa Baa with eagerness
Baa Baa: Ten months ago, I was too ordinary. I chose two things to make me stand out: Comedy, and chicken casserole. I am good at making chicken casserole.
Bird Cat: You dimwit! he slaps Fish Cat in the back of the head We need to focus on the task at hand here!
Fish Cat: Shh, I want to hear his comedy jokes! Tell me one Baa Baa, tell me one! he sits down childishly I need to hear this shit for myself, bro!
Baa Baa: he takes out a sheet What do you call an alligator once you put a vest on him? An investigator. This is the part where you laugh.
Fish Cat: he is laughing hysterically That's way too good, tell me another one! Please?
Baa Baa: he takes out another sheet How did the fire fall in love? It found its perfect match. This is the part where you laugh.
Bird Cat: Okay, I think it's time we conclude the strangeness of all this, let's finish you off! Bird Cat flies into Baa Baa and pushes him into the snow, causing him to bruise up
Fish Cat: Aw, that joke was actually funny! Why did you do that, Bird Cat?
Bird Cat: he sighs Doesn't matter, he's still conscious, let's go now!
Fish Cat: HEY BAA BAA! he shouts out for Baa Baa I LOVE YOUR JOKES, KEEP THEM UP MAN!
Baa Baa:What? Is it true?
Suddenly, Baa Baa's face was changing. His mouth was opening, and he expanded his mouth to unpredictable extent! Baa Baa is...smiling? Well, he is just opening his mouth in a really weird way. But he seems to be happy with the compliment. Especially since he was the one left to survive and bring the rest of the enemies to their next location. He jumps before leaving.
Baa Baa: Thanks. that's all he has to say
Cat: Oh my God, did Baa Baa just...smile!? he stares at Baa Baa in disbelief
Tank Cat: I don't know anymore, but it's kind of adorable to see him in such a good mood, despite not knowing how to smile.
Bob: Well, I believe Baa Baa needed a moment of appreciation. That motherfucker went through so many insults, from his enemies AND allies. And he got some appreciation, from a Fish who drank almost an entire bottle of rum despite never drinking before!
Fish Cat: YEAH! LET'S DRINK THIS VODKA! he cheers at the sight of the treasure
Lizard Cat: You can't drink it you idiot, it's solid bronze, silver, and gold! But it would be nice if you were to try it. he wraps his tail around Fish Cat
Everyone par Fish and Lizard simultaneously: NO! they all grab him and make it back inside of The Cat Base
Inside of The Cat Base, The Battle Act is all cozy under blankets. They are all drinking some hot chocolate, warming up after such a freezing day. They are all tending to their injuries while preparing for their next fight. They all seem comfortable.
Bob: Mmh, this hot chocolate sure hit the spot! Now, the important ass question! Where the fuck are we going to next? And what are all the enemies and the treasures!?
Cat: I have that answer for you! he flicks through the pages of his log book until he lands on the right page Okay, let's see...we are heading to Greece tomorrow to try and obtain Zeus Nail Clippings! We are facing against; Those Guys, Pigge, and an unknown Red Enemy as a boss! That's twice in a row where we never faced Doge at all! Wait...what's this? there is a letter inside of the Log Book on the Greek page A letter! Let me read it out!
"Hello there, this is a message sent to you The Battle Act, we need your help! We were being attacked by this Angry looking red MONSTER! We realized that the only way we could be rescued is if we reached out to The Battle Cats association. Please come as urgent as possible, as we believe we will be killed within a month!Yours faithfully, Bean Cats"
Bob: I believe that this next guy, whoever they may be, is an authoritative figure of the enemies, as they literally captured these Bean Cats or whatever the fuck they are!
Tank Cat: They won't get away with this! Let's train ourselves tomorrow and prepare to take on this boss once and for all.
And so, the Cats and Bob make their way to their bedrooms, sleeping away, dreaming of the possibilities of their next challenge. It will definitely be a tough mission, as they are approaching a more authoritative member of the Enemy association. We can only hope that they can pull off such a heinous act. Only tomorrow's quest will be able to tell.
TO BE CONTINUED
Okay, that's 22 episodes DONE! This was quite fun to write up and plot. As I added some snow-based fun into the episode! I hope you like what I did with it. We got plenty of character interactions and plot development here, so that is pretty neat. Now, let's venture into the Philosopher's Stone Arc's finale next episode!
Stay tuned for its release very soon, to a website/app near YOU!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him without profit, just as long as you credit the owner.
This fiction is 100% unofficial and can be considered as Fan Made.