JENNIE
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Lisa was still inside me, her mouth by my ear, breathing hard. Her admission—soaked in guilt—hung in the air, fueling the already uncontrolled desire between us.
I'd already come twice and she was still going, endless and unyielding as she slammed into me. Every harsh thrust pushed me higher, sent another shock wave of sensation radiating through me.
She threaded her fingers through mine, gripping the edge of the counter with our twined hands to give her more leverage. I groaned as she went even deeper, that insidious steel ball stroking from the inside. I couldn't push back anymore, pinned as I was, completely at her mercy.
"You feel so fucking good," she said almost plaintively, her lips against my cheek, my neck, my shoulder as she continued to fill and retreat, over and over. "Do I make you feel good?"
"Yes," I rasped, dragging in a ragged breath.
"Only me," she murmured, releasing one of my hands. My fingers tingled with the sudden rush of blood. Lisa's palm ghosted down my side and around my hip. Going lower, her fingers glided over my clit.
"Tell me," Lisa demanded, but it sounded like a plea. "Tell me I'm the only one."
"Only you," I whispered, the truth in those two words more devastating than she could understand. I was so lost in her.
"That's right," she said with relief. Her fingers circled in time to the heavy rhythm of her thrusts. I came again, the world spinning away from me, and Lisa followed behind, whispering words I couldn't decipher.
She untwined our fingers and pushed up, the cool air against my damp skin a shock after the heat and weight of her body. Hands on my hips, she eased out with a low hiss, as if the sensation was unpleasant. The resulting emptiness settled in my chest, causing a frightening ache to swell. Sex with Lisa was always intense, but this was new. As primal and seductive as she could be, she always retained some element of control. Tonight she had struggled and failed. I'd never seen her so undone. And I'd never felt as connected to her as I did now. Even though it made me vulnerable, I wanted more of it.
I tested out my forearms, pushing up on them unsteadily.
"Ah, shit." Her fingers drifted along the side of my neck to my shoulder. "I was way too rough, wasn't I?"
She hadn't been. She'd been primal. I'd never felt needed so acutely. Kai had been a passive lover, nothing like Lisa. But beyond the physical possession, the emotional impact Lisa had on me was overwhelming. Every time we were together like this, the undeniable draw intensified.
"Not too rough," I reassured her, "but I feel like I've taken orgasm-induced muscle relaxants."
Lisa wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me into an upright position. She looked relieved as she scooped me up and carried me to bed.
..
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Again.
"If you don't answer that, I'm going to throw the phone out the window. It's been going off for the past ten minutes. Who the hell needs to get a hold of you at seven in the morning on a fucking Saturday?" Lisa grumbled and buried her head under a pillow.
"Obviously whoever it is wasn't having multiple orgasms until one in the morning," I groused and reached for the offending device.
I managed to turn off the volume before Lisa snaked an arm around my waist and dragged me across the bed. The phone bounced off the mattress and clattered to the floor.
Lisa's leg came over mine as she pulled me into her. Her erection pressed against my hip. She put her head on my chest. Her hair was sticking out all over the place, having dried funnily after our middle-of-the-night romp. I ran my fingers through it, trying to force it into submission, but it refused to comply. Every time she exhaled, she purposely blew across my nipple.
"I need a shower," I said. My skin felt sticky from all the sweat. The sheets were just as bad.
"You smell perfectly good to me," she said, nibbling on my shoulder. "You taste good, too."
My phone vibrated on the floor, preventing my snappy retort.
"Seriously?" Lisa asked. "What is that? The tenth time this morning?"
I rolled to the edge of the bed and snatched my phone from the floor. "Hello?"
"So you're not in an Ativan coma. That's an improvement."
My scalp prickled and goose bumps rose along my arms, spreading over my skin.
Lisa's hand smoothed up my calf. "Tell whoever it is to fuck off. I'm in the middle of an experiment," she said and bit my ankle.
"Is there someone with you?" Chan asked, suspicious.
I covered the receiver with one hand and jerked my leg out of Lisa's grasp, shaking my head violently. She frowned.
"I need to take this," I mouthed and turned away.
My knees trembled as I slipped off the bed and crossed the room, heading for the bathroom. I closed the door and sank to the floor.
"Answer me, Jennie. "
"The TV was on," I lied. My hands were shaking, along with my voice.
"I don't believe you."
"I don't particularly care if you believe me or not."
"Are you fucking someone?"
"Pardon me?"
"It's a straightforward question. I don't believe it requires repeating."
"It also doesn't require a response," I bit back.
He laughed in that condescending way only he could. "I'll take that as a no. Are you lonely out there, Jennie?"
"What do you want?" He couldn't know about Lisa. My stomach turned at the thought. Chanyeol was already hostile; he didn't need any more ammunition.
"You've been avoiding my calls. I've left six messages, and all of them have gone unanswered. I expected that document signed and on my desk a month ago, and it's still not here," he said icily. "I've been more than patient. You've had plenty of time to review the paperwork with a lawyer out there."
"I told you I'm not ready."
"Frankly, Jennie, I don't give a shit if you're ready or not. It's been ten months. If you hadn't spent the first five after the accident drugged to the point of psychosis, maybe you'd be better prepared to handle this."
"Well, I'm not prepared." I marshaled all the false confidence I could. "I have no intention of signing over the house right now. When I'm ready, if I'm ready, I'll let you know."
"Not acceptable. I have no qualms about contesting Kai's will. That property belongs to me, and you will sign those papers, even if it means I have to subpoena you to make it happen. We can go that route, but cases like these can drag out for months, sometimes years." He sighed, like he was bored with the turn in the conversation. When he spoke again, his tone changed, soft and menacing. "I have my doubts about you handling the emotional strain of something like that. Imagine how detrimental it would be if you fell back into old habits? All that medication you were taking, you could hardly function."
"I was in pain," I whispered, submerged in the sudden rush of memories.
Chan had a way of twisting things around to make me out to be the villain. He had been the one to pick up the multitude of prescriptions for me. In the fog of physical and emotional agony it had seemed like he'd meant to help. But I'd learned long ago that Chan's motives were always self-serving. By keeping me sedated, he'd been able to manipulate situations to his advantage and my disadvantage.
"How many times did I find you in my brother's bedroom, crying so hard you couldn't breathe? It became exceedingly tedious. Don't make me call again—you won't like what happens. Get your shit together and send me the paperwork."
The line went dead.
I stared at the phone and tried to keep the panic from drowning me. I didn't think Chan could take the house from me, but as a lawyer, he was good at finding loopholes, so I could never be sure whether his threats were empty or not. Every time I spoke to him I felt like I was back in Arden Hills, reliving the weeks and months of purgatory after the crash. I had been so alone, everything and everyone I cared about gone. Only Chan remained, a constant force of negative, destructive energy orbiting around me, pushing me further and further into a hole of anguish.
There had been no one to console me after the crash. Chan blamed me for their deaths just as I did, and for months I'd let the regret eat away at what little had been left of the person I'd been. If I hadn't found the acceptance letters from Northwestern hidden in the trash, I would probably still have been there, or dead from an overdose.
I put my head in my hands, grief welling up, threatening to spill out and wash me away. I choked back a strangled sob, aware I wasn't alone. Lisa was still here. Chan would never understand why I was with her. Lisa was the antithesis of Kai.
Under all the armor she wore, Lisa was in pieces like me. It made her safe. She understood what I'd been through. More than that, she could relate to me in ways Kai never could. I didn't want to look too closely at the intensity of my feelings for Lisa; it incited more guilt. That I had already moved on seemed impossible . . . inexcusable. Disclosing Kai's death to her wasn't an option. Not now. It was too dangerous. I couldn't lose Lisa; she had become integral to my survival.
"Jennie?" Lisa knocked on the bathroom door.
I swiped at the tears streaming down my face and took a deep breath. "Give me a minute," I called out tremulously.
Pushing up off the floor, I crossed to the vanity and turned on the faucet to mask the squeak of the new medicine cabinet door.
The rows of bottles offered potential temporary respite. My hands quavered as I popped the cap off the anxiety meds and shook out a tiny green pill. I didn't want to need it, but I would never make it through the rest of the morning without artificial serenity. The call from Chan had left me shaken. It felt like I was being torn apart, pulled back into the past as I struggled to stay in the present. The sweet-bitter taste of the pill under my tongue was almost a relief. In fifteen minutes I would be calmer. Everything would be easier to manage.
The doorknob turned just as I capped the bottle and returned it to its spot on the shelf. I jumped and shut the cabinet harder than intended, and the bottles rattled on the shelves. Lisa poked her head in, and her eyes swept over my body. I was still naked. Concern pulled the corner of her mouth down when she reached my blotchy, tear-streaked face.
"Kitten? Who was on the phone?" She took a cautious step toward me.
"It was my l-lawyer." I stammered over the lie, unable to look at her.
"On a Saturday? This early? What happened?"
"There are some issues with the estate in Arden Hills."
She cupped my face in her hands. Her sympathy was more difficult to bear, considering the partial truths I fed her. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall, allowing her to sweep them away.
Lisa wore only a pair of black boxer briefs, the road map to her life laid out for me. Under the scenes etched into her skin and the sculpted, beautiful body was a girl I hardly knew but couldn't stand the thought of being without. I ran my hand along her forearm, my palm resting on the anatomical heart.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
I stepped into her.
Lisa enclosed me in her protective embrace. "I'm sorry I can't make the hurt go away."
"You do, every time you touch me." I rested my cheek on her chest, listening to the steady beat of her heart.
I wondered how much longer I had before it all fell apart. I couldn't hide the truth about Kai from her forever.
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