Watermelon Girl
by Chaos Orchid ← Ron Dow75
15.1 Lord Kunō Comes Calling
"What is Kunō doing here!?" Ukyō cried, rising from her place at the table! "He's a high-and-mighty that can't loose face to commoners, is that it!(?) He's cost the face of Ranma! And Akane, too."
"Gee, why don't you speak louder," Nabiki said in a quieter voice. "Any loss of face is still kept within the families."
"Do not spark a feud by letting it become public knowledge, Kuonji-san!" Soun pleaded. "Feuds of honor were taken too seriously by samurai."
"And we all know how Kunō fancies himself an upholder of the samurai traditions," Nabiki said. Their fourth houseguest had misunderstood the references to Ranma's pregnancy (and Akane's paternity), so she now misunderstood something about Kunō-baby. It would be an amusing challenge to manipulate the situation without losing control.
Ukyō's roots were rural and traditionalist. Ranchan had similar roots, having been kept away from cities whenever possible. Both Heads of the Saotome and Tendō families respected traditions. She had little choice but yield. For now. She sat down.
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Kunō-sama did observe etiquette and had waited to be invited in. Kasumi, of course, had went to greet him. As the unofficial – and, indeed, real – head of the house, she had the right to, politely, send him off. Kasumi, of course, didn't. "Oh, my, your arm!"
His sword arm was in a sling. "Yes, the Pigtailed Girl's love taps were more enthusiastic than usual. You yourself did witness it yesterday on the train. And I do recall you offering to treat me as a nurse."
"Oh? You do(?)"
"I, unfortunately, do not avail myself of the Social Health Insurance. But I, Kunō Tatewaki, am generous. I will gladly recompense the beautiful healer handsomely for her services. Or the debt can be in the form of a scholarship fund so that you may attain official recognition of your talents."
"I really don't see how I can help you as a nurse, Kunō-sama."
"I beseech you call me Kunō. And what may I call you, Lovely Lady?"
"Uh,…Kasumi." Tendō(-san), to her, referred to her father. Kasumi was what everybody she knew called her.
"A given name! Then Kasumi-san may call me Tatewaki! A fast bond of familiarity!"
"Oh, my! Uh, you may called me Kasumi, but I will feel uncomfortable unless I call you Kunō…." She was about to add a -sama. But allowed this familiarity.
"May I enter the sanctuary, Kasumi-san?"
She saw how persistent the well-known obsessive intended to be. "Okaerinasai, Welcome…back(?)"
"Sasuke!"
"Yes, Master!" the small ninja announced, stepping out from behind him. He had a bouquet of lilies.
"I would you receive these more personal emblems of my esteem. Please make allowance that they are presented by a servant as you are well aware my right honorable hand is no longer worthy." Kasumi didn't know how to graciously abstain. As she held them, he told her, "In the Language of Flowers, the lily, like you, Kasumi-san, represent Purity and Passion."
"Oh, my(!) Passion?"
"A passion for pursuing your talents. No more is implied." And then he bowed, "Unless you desire an additional nuance." He gazed into her eyes as he rose.
The omamori charm under her blouse pressed her and she stepped away from him in response.
Kunō took this as her allowing him to enter, "Ojama shimasu, sorry for disturbing you."
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Kasumi, "The tea room is at the end of this hall. Greet my family and our guests while I go to the kitchen for a first aid kit. And to put these flowers in a vase."
Kunō, "I should like to tarry near, O Lady of Mercy."
Sasuke, "I shall reconnoiter ahead of you, Master." He hurried down the hall
– And had to leap high to avoid running into an okonomiyaki chef wielding her reclaimed battle spatula! "You leave Kasumi alone, you player!" She swung!
The tip of the samurai's bokken struck the face of the spatula. Thrusting: Quickly. Repeatedly. With force!
It dented the face; it jarred her arms and up and down; she could feel it all the way to her feet, her toes.
The runt ninja was shaken off her – and instinctively reached for something to grab onto it: It was the bandolier of spatulas.
He fell, it rose and no longer stayed between her boobs!
"You PERVERT!" she cried! Ukyō turned with adrenaline!
Kunō was caught off guard –He stumbled forward…
The edge of the battle spatula broke the wooden sword! SNAP: centimeters from the hilt!
…still stumbling…
Ukyō swatted his butt: Twang!
…and fell on top of Sasuke and the unlatched bandolier he was still holding.
"Mma~ster," his servant groaned.
"Burabō! Bravo, Chef Kuonji Ukyō! Would that I had met you earlier, before I gave my heart to my second love: The Pigtailed Girl!"
"Masster, you once did givve your hheart to Ukyō-san," Sasuke said, finally able to say after he was able to breathe when Kunō rose off of him.
"Are you certain? Look it up in my diary. You have been updating my memories faithfully, haven't you?!"
"I don't have that volume on me. It did happen months ago. But, as I recall your memory, it was when Ukyō-san began wearing the school uniform of the girls instead of the boys."
"Ah, now I do recollect! At the time you no longer appeared to be a chigo. In male clothes, you do. That is one samurai tradition I desire not to continue."
"Thanks for telling me that, Sugar. I have a bet going that challenges me to stay crossdressing. Now I have even more of a reason to keep doing boy style."
"You need not be concerned. For I come here to woo another.
"Indeed, I am on a quest to win one I would have as my wife." And he looked at her with an intense gaze. She was standing by the kitchen door.
"Oh, my."
15.2 Godmother
Kunō approached Kasumi….
Until Ukyō put her Battle Spatula before him. "Leave Kasumi alone! Isn't what you did to Ranma and Akane bad enough!?"
Trained reflex had him raise his wooden sword.
But it had become a stump in his left hand. Impotent.
Yet he could not drop it. He did not bow. But he did not stand proud. "The chef is indeed correct on the Vibrant Akane. On Ranma, I remain on offense to him. My grave misdeed is to the woman he holds as chattel, the Pigtailed Girl.
"In self-aware recognition of my responsibility in the life-altering matter, I have taken a sacred vow to support my flame-haired Venus by all means my wealth and status are capable providing.
"To this end…," he dropped to his knees. Thinking better, he raised one knee.
Ukyō couldn't believe what she thought she saw, "No. Is he really…." ; Neither could Nabiki, "It is too Western for Kunō. He isn't really going to…."
"...will you permit me to marry you, Tendō-sama Kasumi?"
"My DAUGHTER!" wailed Soun.
Genma, "At least he will no longer trying to wed my son."
"Why me?" Though stunned, Kasumi was still gracious.
"You have been chosen by the gods to be what is termed in the West as the godmother, are you not? I seek for the role of godfather. It is only logical that the god-couple be joined in wedlock, is it not? All the better to bring both sides of the cosmic yin-yang into alignment and balance and blessing!"
"Tadaima," Akane said from the front door. ; "Me, too," Ranma said, kicking off her slippers. "The Doc wasn't home."
"The Pigtailed Girl!"
Ranma sprinted down the hall, stopping her attack when s/he saw how close the samurai idiot was to everybody. "Even if I shouldn't, I will fight, Kunō!" And her fists showed s/he was willing to.
Kunō dropped his one raised knee. He bowed. The great Lord of Nerima kowtowed. "Forgive me that I have not been able to free you from the magic shackles the infamous sorcerer Saotome Ranma has you in, my former love."
" "Former love"?" more than one repeated.
"Kunō?" Akane was just as surprised.
He only raised his head as he looked into her eyes, "And you, My First and Once Only Love. You, as well, must I relinquish. Know, though, you shall always remain in the deepest reaches of my heart.
"But like all true and noble warriors, duty must always prevail. And my greatest duty is that of Godfather to your child."
Ukyō, "Wha, what does he mean by…." Then she shook her head, "Stupid; why am I trying to figure that idiot out."
The only one who might was Nabiki. But she was gone.
Along with Kasumi.
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Outside the kitchen door to the yard, Nabiki was telling her big sister, "You cannot reject a Kunō, Kasumi. You've seen how they do not take no for an answer. Even violence isn't effective against them."
"Oh, my, yes. Akane has always been as violent as a gorilla."
"Gorillas are not violent. But that is not relevant. What is relevant is that not even a man-among-men guy with zero interest in other guys who boasts of being the best martial artist of his age can't get Kunō to stop hitting on her."
"But Kunō-sama has now humbled himself in a pledge to no longer pursue Ranma and Akane."
"Which means his obsessiveness now can be fixated on you. And it promises to be worse than before: How often has he actually came to our house? Send our visitor away now and he will find excuse after excuse to call again. And court."
"But I have no desire for his attention. Or anybody's."
"Ouch. We do take you for granted, Big Sister. But it is in your nature to do good, is it not?"
"I feel good when I am contributing."
"Think how much you'll be contributing by passing on Kunō's donations to the baby fund. You know how expensive it is starting a new family. Our budget is already severely stretched by the Saotomes. And that was before Kuonji."
"Oh, my." Kasumi bit her lip in her struggle. "But it would be taking advantage of Kunō with false promises."
"Then don't make any promises. I'll have him understand – well, as much as a Kunō can understand – that he is engaging–"
"Engaging!"
Nabiki shook her head, trying to reassure her, "Kunō the Warrior loves campaigning! He can see himself being on a quest. A sacred mission ordained by the gods!"
Kasumi was even more hesitant, "Do we have to bring the gods into this?"
"They already are. They are in the omamori you're wearing. It's kami is under the instructions of the charm's pray. You are to be seen as a Peculiar Serious-one that supervises the mother and 'father', Ranma and Akane. In other words, their godmother."
Kasumi stepped back at the thought. "And, and the youngster Kunō can only consider himself their godmother if he marries me?"
"And youngster he is, Kasumi! He cannot be legally married until he is 18. That is months away."
Kasumi remembered, "Nine months."
"More like 8 and a half. You can't count on a baby to know time."
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Ranma and Akane kept wary eyes on Kunō as he was escorted into the tea/common room. Akane more than Ranma. But they all knew how absolutely devastating it had to have been for the proud samurai to have prostrated himself like he had. There had to only be one answer: Sincerity.
For now.
"My daughter! My first born! My beloved Kasumi!" Soun was still sobbing, imagining the loss of the one true stability in his life.
Genma was, sort of, being consoling, "There, there, old friend. It must happen to all women. Why they must even take the name of their husband."
Ukyō, "Not in Japan. The law only says both of them has to have the same family name. The man can take the wife's name."
Ranma, "Really? That's an idea. How'd you like me to punish you and give up Saotome, Old Man?(!)"
Ukyō brightened, " "Kuonji Ranma" *Sigh* It has a nice ring to it."
Akane didn't brighten, "Ranma will become a Tendō and still be an heir of the Anything-Goes School!"
Soun tried wiping his tears, "The Tendō School as well as the dōjō would be carried on?"
Genma glared, "The marriage agreement was for the Saotome School to absorb the lesser school. Ranma is the only male heir."
"Male heir! Male Heir!" Ranma cried in outrage! "I'm the MOM to the next heir!"
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NOTES to Section 15.1:
Sasuke was referring to S04E06: "Ukyo's Skirt! The Great Girly-Girl Gambit" where she decided she might get more attention from Ranma if she looked and acted like a girl. She got more attention from the guys at school than from him