Chapter 8 - Fenrir Greyback

Remus was certainly in no position to help Harry with his love life as he was having enough problems with his own right now.

He couldn't help himself. He was totally, utterly smitten with Nymphadora Tonks.

He wouldn't let her know of course. He always looked quickly away if she turned to catch him staring at her and he would talk casually about other women he and Sirius had met on their trips to the pub (the ones his friend wasn't banned from), to throw her off the scent.

What would she think of him if she knew of his feelings for her? She'd surely be horrified, disguised, mortified. Would she pity him? That would be the worst thing she could do, and he couldn't bear that.

So he stuffed his feelings for her deep down beneath the surface and did his best to ignore the lurch in his chest at the sight of her or the way she flitted into his mind like an incessant butterfly at nearly all hours of the day.

"Come on Moony, you need to get a bit of action." Sirius, who apparently had now replaced alcohol with women, told him confidently. "Kate's sister's just divorced her husband so she's definitely in a good place right now."

"Er, why would having gone through a divorce mean someone was in a good place?"

Sirius looked at him like he didn't understand the question.

"Never mind." Remus said. Now wasn't the time to educate his friend on emotional intelligence. "I thought you were dating Laura?" He was losing track of which poor woman Sirius was seeing now.

Sirius gave him a look of something bordering on pity. "I'm not dating anyone, Moony. I'm -"

"Yeah, alright, I get the picture, thanks."

Remus and James too in fact had always disliked this trait of Sirius' when they'd been at school. Unlike the others, he seemed perfectly comfortable treating girls like they were simply there to gratify him. It was as if he didn't even bother to consider their feelings at all.

It rather irritated Remus actually.

"Just let her down gently when you decide you've had enough, won't you." He said tersely, pulling out a book.

Of course Sirius didn't let his flings down gently.

"I don't get it." He said, coming in to the kitchen and rubbing his face. Remus had just moments ago heard a loud sob and the front door slam. He'd given up trying to understand how his friend was managing the violations of the statute of secrecy and basic common sense in this area. "I only told her I wasn't looking for anything serious and she..." He gestured his pink cheek and gave Remus a bewildered and hurt sort of look.

Remus couldn't bring himself to feel too sorry for his friend. He was glad in fact that Kate had fought back. As far as he was concerned Sirius had deserved whatever he got from her.

"I'm not going to bother trying to explain this to you, Padfoot." He said tiredly. He knew James had attempted to educate Sirius on his attitude towards women in their final year at Hogwarts. Evidently it had gone in one ear and out the other. "You won't listen to me."

"I will!" His friend insisted, coming to sit at the table and resting his chin on his fists as if they were in a particularly engaging DADA class.

Remus observed him coolly. "OK. What did Kate do for a living?"

"She worked in an office."

"Doing what?"

"Oh I dunno. Something to do with the internet… what's that?!"

"Well, did you ask her?"

"Well no because then she'd have figured out I'm not actually a muggle."

"I think it's quite new for muggles too."

"How do you know?!"

"I listen."

Sirius eyed him suspiciously but his comment was perfectly true. He had enjoyed a pleasant discussion with the local greengrocer about the increasingly popular phenomenon the previous week.

"It's really not hard." Remus pressed on. "You've just got to be interested in people. You are, aren't you?"

Of course the honest answer to that was probably no, but Remus took his hasty protest that he was in fact very interested in his 'girlfriends'' lives and that he would endeavour to do better next time.

Remus would believe it when he saw it.

While he disapproved of his attitude towards women, he couldn't fault Sirius for the work he was doing for the Order.

He signed up for all the missions and shifts available, even offering to take them from Arthur, who was working harder at the ministry than ever these days.

"They're under-staffed." He told them all over dinner one night. "Fudge is having kittens over it. He wants to work on a recruitment campaign, try and get more NEWT students interested in a career in government."

Of course Sirius, who had never had much good to say about the ministry, had quite a few things to say about this.

"Yes, yes, I agree with you." Arthur said, tiredly waving away his suggestion that Fudge actually tell the students of Hogwarts what he's doing before asking them to join his inept band of buffoons. "But unfortunately he's all we've got."

"And his under-secretary's even worse by the sounds of it." Remus said, thinking of Harry. "Isn't there anyone in a senior position at the ministry we can trust? Amelia Bones?"

He remembered the witch from Sirius and Peter's trial the previous year. She was head of the department of magical law enforcement and seemed a very fair witch to him.

"Yeah but she's still a ministry employee." Sirius said, wrinkling his nose. "They're all as bad as each other. Ouch!" He rubbed the back of his head where Tonks had whacked him with her dessert spoon. "I didn't mean you!"

"Aurors don't count of course." Remus supplied, smiling at Tonks and rolling his eyes in Sirius' direction.

"Though it's still a bloody shame more aren't pressuring Fudge to change his tune." Sirius went on. "Kingsley told us there was definite giant activity in the west country last month and Fudge told them to send it over to the department for the regulation and control of dangerous magical creatures to deal with. Talk about passing the buck! What will it take for people to believe Voldemort's back?!" He glared at them all angrily as though they were the ones denying the fact.

Tonks took the opportunity to exact further revenge on her relative by flicking a spoonful of custard at him. He retaliated by tossing a pear back. She ducked and it fell to the ground where it rolled across the stone kitchen floor.

While they were all distracted by its progress she took the opportunity to metamorph herself into a female version of Snape.

Sirius swore loudly as he turned back to her. "That's the most hideous thing I've ever seen!" He yelped as she cackled gleefully.

She morphed back to her usual appearance again (for which Remus was very grateful). "We're not so bad, us ministry workers." And she stuck her tongue out at him.

When he wasn't thinking about Tonks, Remus was busy doing work for the Order himself.

"Lupin…" a werewolf called Fenrir Greyback snarled, sniffing him in a way that seemed far more wolf-like than man, though it was nowhere near the full moon. "Date bitten?"

Greyback appeared to be the leader in a little group of werewolves who lived together just east of Birmingham. Their quarters was quite pleasant - an old Manor House which Greyback had somehow acquired the deed to, and they were… lax when it came to their monthly security.

"Wasn't our fault we were bitten." Greyback said gruffly, making a note of Remus' 'date of re-birth' on a scrap of parchment. "No point making our lives harder than they are already. What have the ministry done for us eh? Bugger all! So why should we abide by their sodding regulations." He sniffed and handed Remus a sleeping bag. "Make yourself comfortable."

Remus ended up bunking in a room with a young man of about twenty, who'd been bitten when out camping with friends and whose family had found his lycanthropy too hard to deal with after that. Greyback had apparently taken him under his wing and shown him a way to survive outside the judgements and restrictions of society. It was, in his words, 'the best life a werewolf can get'.

None of the other werewolves seemed to like Remus very much. Of course he didn't tell them he'd managed to have a successful career at Hogwarts (both as a student and a teacher), or that he'd more or less lived peacefully among wizards for his entire adult life, but he thought it must be obvious.

He didn't have the same horror stories the other werewolves had. He didn't have tales of having silver knives brandished at him while digging in dustbins for scraps, of having his house vandalised or else burned to the ground by those in the town who heard of his condition.

For the thousandth time he thanked his lucky stars for James and Sirius. Since the age of twelve they had accepted and supported him and, as both came from such wealthy and reputable (albeit for different reasons) families, he knew he would always be safe and protected as long as he had their friendship.

Of course the twelve years Sirius had been in Azkaban had been difficult, but he'd soldiered on with the self-belief James had given him at least. He hadn't wanted to think about Sirius again after what had happened.

It was hard though as years went by. He'd still get the odd witch or wizard who would slam the door in his face on discovering what he was, and most others would pay him less for it. The world just saw werewolves as lesser beings and, as they had to live in and as part of it, it really was very difficult not to let external judgements creep in.

Or, as Greyback and the others had done, you simply fight back.

"We'll see who's laughing when their precious little girl's bitten." The werewolf said malevolently on relaying an argument he'd had with a witch and wizard in Diagon Alley.

Remus stared at him. Greyback bit people on purpose… for revenge?

But he pushed the unpleasant thought to the back of his head. No, it couldn't be. It wasn't possible.

His dad had told him, one night through many tears (and after many beers), what had happened to cause him to be bitten as a small boy.

Lyall Lupin had worked in the department for the regulation and control of magical creatures, which he was asked to join due to his expertise in non-human spirituous apparitions. He'd been very successful and well respected, until the day he insulted a werewolf brought in for questioning about the death of two muggle children.

The werewolf had retaliated and it was at the next full moon that Remus had been bitten.

Lyall had sobbed desperately telling Remus the story. He'd said he'd wanted to come clean for years but couldn't bear his son hating him as much as he hated himself. He said the guilt had almost destroyed him, and he wished with every full moon that passed that it was him going through the agonising transformations instead of his son.

Remus hadn't blamed his father one bit for what happened. "It wasn't your fault." He'd said, placing a hand on the distraught man's shoulder. "You didn't mean it to happen. Besides, if it hadn't been for me…"

And Remus was able to share his guilty story. The one that had kept him awake at night for so many years.

He'd been about five and had the very exciting experience of having just lost his first baby tooth. It had left a big hole at the front of his mouth which he stuck his tongue through as he showed his parents delightedly.

"Oh how wonderful, Remus!" Hope Lupin had cried. "You'll have a visit from the tooth fairy tonight."

Of course the idea of a tooth fairy was very exciting for a five year old. Though Remus knew his dad was a wizard and his mum was a muggle, his parents had always told him whatever he turned out to be would be OK. He knew it could go either way with the offspring of blended families, but he always secretly hoped he'd be a wizard.

Magic just seemed so exciting, and now this latest revelation (a tooth fairy!) was something else from this magical word he was so desperate to be a part of.

He went to bed that night determined to meet her. She would surely be able to tell him if he was magical or not

"Remember she only comes when you're sleeping." His mother said knowingly as she closed the door to his bedroom. "Goodnight, my love."

But the moment his mum was gone Remus clambered out of bed and over to the window.

It was a clear night and the full moon was visible in the sky as he sat on the windowsill of his little bedroom, waiting excitedly for the tooth fairy.

Whatever his mother said, he knew she'd have to come eventually. How else would she give him the money for his tooth? And when she did, he'd ask her all sorts of questions.

His mum and dad had told him he needed to be patient. "Magic takes time to reveal itself!" They would say. But Remus simply couldn't wait another minute. He had to know.

But what was that in the garden?

His whole body felt suddenly light with excitement. There was a definite rustling in the bushes. He'd read in his mother's story books that some fairies hid in bushes. Was it her?

He waited but there was no more movement. Perhaps she was shy. He thought hard what to do. He wanted to show he that she could trust him, that he wouldn't hurt her. Could she see him from outside? He scrambled down from the window sill and went to turn the little lamp on by his bed. He came back to the window sill and sat, waiting.

She would be able to see him now. Surely any minute she would come. He closed his eyes. He'd give her time. He'd do what his parents had told him to do and be patient.

There was an odd scrambling noise. He opened his eyes but couldn't make out where it was coming from.

Frowning, he moved over to open the window. He stuck his head out but could see no more movement in the bushes. So what was that strange sound?

Remus' bedroom was above the kitchen. The Lupins had installed a little garden terrace beneath his window above which they had built (or rather his dad had magicked) a wooden trellis.

And it was exactly by using this trellis that the werewolf had climbed up to Remus' bedroom window.

He could still recall to this day the terror he'd felt at coming face to face with the slathering, bloodthirsty, hungry looking monster. It's amber eyes narrowed and its mouth curled into a snarl, showing sharp yellowing teeth.

Remus screamed. He screamed and screamed and screamed. But there was nothing anyone could do.

From that moment on he was no longer Remus the boy, he was Remus the werewolf. He was part of a magical world he never wanted nor dreamed he'd ever be a part of. And it had been all his fault.

But, for the first time ever, at the next full moon Remus felt that perhaps he wasn't to blame for what had happened.

Greyback and the other werewolves headed to Priory Woods to transform. Though according to ministry regulations they needed to be in a secure indoor location to transform, of course Greyback didn't pay them any attention.

Remus was lucky. He still had the wolfsbane potion that Snape kindly made for him, but he didn't dare share that with the others. They already judged him enough as it was, and he needed them on his side to try and find out if there had been any death eater contact.

And so he took the wolfsbane potion and pretended to go through the same painful transformation as the others, deep in the woods.

His morals plagued him horribly, wondering what might happen should any hapless muggles be taking a night time stroll or perhaps have gone camping, but fortunately it didn't ever come to that. He wasn't sure how he would fight the other wolves off if they did catch the scent of human blood.

The air was full of screams as the werewolves transformed. Remus had never had the chance to witness the change in another before. It was quite bizarre really, watching the body of the wolf replace that of the human like this.

He turned to Greyback who was on his right.

Greyback was a dark haired man with bad teeth and slightly scarred skin. His appearance was clearly not something he took much pride in, and Remus wondered whether he actually was coming to prefer himself in wolf form. He was so wolfish as a man already!

That full moon in late November was the first time Remus saw Greyback for who he really was.

After he had transformed, he turned to Remus and bared his teeth in a grin.

And it was as if the last thirty years had never happened. He was five years old again. He was in his little bedroom, and there was the werewolf. His eyes met the wolf's and in that moment he knew. He recognised him.

It was Fenrir Greyback. All this time. This was the werewolf who had bitten him. This was the man who had ruined his life.

…

A/N: I know there are a few references to the background of how and why Remus was bitten in canon, but the exact timeline of it isn't totally clear to me. This is just my interpretation but I hope it feels realistic enough!