Hey, at last, years after first starting this fic, it is finally finished. I've thought about doing an afterword for so long, to explain my thought process, especially since I changed my mind so many times whilst writing this fic. Reading about your theories in the reviews was absolutely so exciting and gave me so many ideas (always going against why you guys thought). Anyway, after this author afterword, I'll be uploading bonus chapters, scenes that didn't make the cut, or alternate realities stuff. But I'll explain all of that.
This afterword is inspired by Mirrordance's from These Visions of You, which is a really lovely Glorfindel and Legolas story.
Without further ado:
THE AUTHOR'S AFTERWORD
I. The Inspiration
A. A coming of age story
My first desire was to write a story where the main character was not going to be a 10th walker, and hopefully not a Mary Sue. As you can imagine, after reading practically all of the fanfictions I could get my hands into, it was getting extremely frustrating to always see the same overused cliché: Girl falls into ME and becomes a 10th walker and dates Legolas. Whilst the first couple of fics were very enjoyable, and besides it felt like a writing of my own daydream in a way, I wanted more. There were not that many adopted child of Thranduil stories so I thought to write my own. I decided to make the main character not date Legolas, shocker! Instead, I wanted this story to be a coming of age fic.
The whole point was that Alysae was a child (a bit immature, pretending to be mature when she wanted to, pranking others, etc) and that through the course of the story, she would grow up, become an adult.
Of course, that was before the whole fading happened.
B. An element of mystery
With that brilliant idea, I quickly realised that it was not enough to make this story interesting (in my opinion). I wanted to add some sort of conflict. I mean, if Alysae wasn't going to face Balrogs and such, she had to face something!
My first thought was an illness. As she's human, that's believable. But boring. ;)
No, it had to be something that would keep my readers (and myself) on the edge of their seat. Something that could be tied to her mysterious past.
When I first started writing this story, I didn't have a clue as to what Alysae' background was. I still needed to figure things out. Which is why everything was always so ambiguous, why there were so many different theories that could work.
C. A sprinkle of romance
Why some romance? Because I guess I'm a hopeless romantic, and I believe that everyone deserves a bit of love. Why just a sprinkle? Because this was never going to be the focus of the story. The focus of the story was Alysae growing up in Tolkien's beloved world.
Honestly, at first I did think about Haldir a little bit as a potential suitor. Especially since so many people adore him. But after a lot of reflection, I realised that it would simply not work. first of all, their personalities do not match at all. Second of all, how many people end up with the first person they had a crush onto?
No, instead, I decided to use him as a sort of experience that would make Alysae grow. Being rejected sucks, but that's a part of life.
I guess, I subconsciously always had Elrohir in mind. I mean if you look at the first chapter where he appears, there are subtle clues. And I thought it would be so much more interesting and dramatic if nothing happened until she lied on her deathbed, and he can't help but confess. Another lesson, but this time for Elrohir. Being too scared of rejection will make you miss out, and if you don't act now it may be too late. (Sylvia Plath's Fig Tree analogy anyone?)
But I'll talk about that more later :)
II. The Characters
A. Alysae
1) Her name
Why Alysae? It kinda looks elvish but not really, the closest to an elvish name would be Alasse, which means Joy. Which is fitting because at the start, Alysae is very carefree, very full of joy. Until she isn't.
But maybe that's how everyone pronounces her name and sees it as.
The actual real reason as to why her name is Alysae is actually a bit more embarrassing. Originally, it could have been a girl falls into ME story. As in, she had no memories of earth before and nobody knows that she's from another world. Her name Alysae is derived from Alice, because it was meant to be inspired by Alice in Wonderland, where at the end of the tale she'd go back to Earth. Which is why she would be 'fading', because she's actually not from this world.
Anyway I scraped that because I didn't like it, and because that would make the story cliché.
2) Design
Since Alysae was always meant to be an elf, I always wrote her as someone that looked greatly like an elf, if elves had human 'flaws' (like eyebags and round ears and everything in between).
There are not that many blond elves in Middle-earth. There are so many debates for Legolas' hair in the books, but I personally decided to go for the movie blond. But because we all know Thranduil is blond, and blond is recessive, then that means that his wife would be blonde too. Does that mean her an elf from the house of Finarfin? I guess you can decide for yourself.
Ultimately, it's not that much of a big deal, but that's why Alysae is blonde. And she's also always had the 'silver-blue' eyes that Thranduil was so shocked to see, the exact same eyes of Bereneth. How he did not realise, I don't know.
3) Character growth
That was my biggest focus on this story. I wanted Alysae to grow up and become an adult. And she did, not only did she leave her home, travelled far, she had to be alone, apart from her family for the first time ever. I think the biggest tipping point was the moment right before the Battle of Pelennor Fields, where she has to take charge and lead the other healers. It's the first time anyone's ever looked up to her for help, something that she was always the one doing (literally all of her decisions before had been somebody else's really).
Unfortunately, she went a little far. By wanting to help, she was scarred by what she saw: all the corpses, violence, death. It was her first time truly witnessing these kind of horrors. And I honestly really didn't want to traumatise her just for the sake of it, but it was inevitable in the context of the War of the Ring, and I wanted this story to be a little realistic. I don't think anyone can see the kind of stuff they saw in LOTR and not come out scarred.
She suffers a bit, struggling to adapt to a different body, a more peaceful world. But thanks to her friends and family, she'll get through it. Just like Tolkien wrote, your friends and family are one of the most important part of your life, they'll pull you up, and even help you carry the One Ring when your strength fails. :)
B. Legolas
One of my favourite characters, when I saw him on the screens as a child, I fell in love with his elven charms. Like I wanted desperately a bow and arrows and to be as cool as him.
Then I read the books and I fell in love again, this time for different reasons. He was so funny and mischievous and I knew I wanted to incorporate that in my writing. So I basically mashed up the two of them to have the Legolas we all adore.
He was always meant to be Alysae's rock. From the first chapter Alysae, where he comforts her after the elf who hurt her, he's always been there for her. So the scene where she's dying and he's crying and it's the first time she's ever seen him cry, tears at my heart.
"His face was streaked with tears—tears she had never seen before. Legolas, who had always been her unshakable strength, was crumbling before her eyes. It was always her who had wept, her who had leaned on him for comfort. But now, in these final moments, the world cruelly reversed, and she was the one left to comfort him as his silent sobs broke the last pieces of her heart. The sight of his tears shattered what was left of her, and with a trembling hand, she reached out, her touch a fleeting comfort to the brother who had always been her shield. The pain in his eyes, so raw and unguarded, was more than she could bear, and the realization that she was the cause of it tore at her soul."
It's like a parallel with that first chapter scene.
(I'm sorry.)
C. Elrohir
Literally one of my favourite characters in the Tolkien universe even though he only appears briefly. There's something that's drawn me to him and his brother, always described as singular, neither Elf nor human.
Anyway, him and Alysae
It's always been foreshadowed, ever since he was first introduced, he was the only one to truly see Alysae. And at the time, Alysae was blind to it, she was pretty immature and not ready to see it anyway.
But like the scene where Elladan makes Elrohir invent a poem about Alysae... He was embarrassed because he knew that his feelings would always be transparent, no matter what he wrote. And that moment definitely inspired him to write the song that he sings to her on her deathbed. Which is heartbreaking honestly. Because if you look at the lyrics, he says "a love untold will never die", meaning that he never intended for Alysae to know about his feelings, he was simply always going to love her from afar, for the rest of his life. He basically says that he will love her forever.
"May your heart's light ever gleam/ In the quiet of a dream", saying that his love for Alysae will only ever exist in his dreams, never in real life. And that ends up being true because she dies. And here, "A story waits, a love unknown/ For in the world's most hidden song/ A heart's true voice has lingered long" he's saying that he's hiding his feelings through the song. Anyway, I'm fangirling over Elrohir, sorry.
I actually wrote a scene but never included it in the story, of a conversation between Elladan and Elrohir about his feelings for Alysae. It's very angsty. But the gist is, Elrohir will never act on his feelings because he won't forsake his immortality, to spare Elladan of losing not one but two siblings. Besides, he's always thought that Alysae would never return his feelings anyways, since she's always called them "brothers".
And then, when she dies, well he needed to tell her the truth, but by then it was too late.
D. Bereneth
Call me lazy (I am), but Berth's character is not very developed. From her name which literally means female queen (beren - queen and eth- feminine suffix), she's not meant to be described thoroughly. First of all, we don't know anything about her from Tolkien, so she could be anyone (hence the name Bereneth). And second, I thought it would be more mysterious to not know everything. In real life, you don't have all the memories from the people that lived before you. I'm not sure if that makes sense.
Also, not only does it leave room for the imagination, it also leaves room for me to maybe one day write a Thranduil x Bereneth pic. And it kinda adds depth to Thranduil's character, who can't bear to say his dead wife's actual name, instead calling her 'the queen'. It's too painful for him.
So yeah until then, you can imagine her to have whatever name you want.
E. Thranduil
I read some stories where he was depicted as an abusive father and I thought NO. So yeah, in my world Thranduil is a good father, a strict King that cares deeply about his people. He's got a heart of gold and he's been deeply hurt by his wife's death (and potential child). I feel really bad for him, but at least in this story, all turns out to go well for him. He'll sail to Valinor, see his wife again (who will have reborn), be with his son and daughter.
F. Aragorn
Can you tell I love this man? The bond he has with Alysae is so cute. Like he's always there for her, another human, just like he wished somebody had been there for him. They both were raised by Elves and struggle with their human origins. He let her try his pipe when she was younger, he gives really good advice. And then in the end, Alysae saves him from the Troll by giving him some time. The dagger that Galadriel gave her was always meant to be used in that way.
And then he finally becomes King and marries Arwen, which has been his dream since he was 20. And again, a parallel, when he finally accomplishes his dream, so does Alysae, by finally becoming an elf.
III. The Biggest Conflict
A. The truth
The biggest conflict was always her mysterious background, why was Alysae found wandering the woods with no memories, why is she fading, etc?
1) Original idea
I'm not gonna lie, one of the first ideas was that she was Celebrian's daughter. (Basically the same idea but instead of Bereneth it's Celebrian). So that's why Elrond gave her the rooms that overlook his wife's garden, why Galadriel and Celeborn were so shocked to see her.
But ultimately, it didn't feel right, I wasn't sure how to work out the details, and by then I'd realised Elrohir was secretly in love with her, and I wasn't about to pull a Clary and Jace.
So I scraped that.
2) Why?
Why was it revealed the way it was, glimpses through dreams, and then when she dies? Because I'm super dramatic, that's why. I've always been teasing you guys about what the truth was, leaving hints and clues. She saw Yavanna in her dream, and then Bereneth told her everything. Could I have told the truth differently. Maybe.
I've always hinted that Gandalf knew more than he let on. Well he is a Maiar, I'm sure he could sense some Valar magic on her soul. I'm sure he guessed it too but he could not be sure. And when Galadriel said "you should be dead", well it's true, she should be. Galadriel was probably staring in shock at Bereneth's eyes on Alysae's face, knowing that she had seen the Elvenqueen die in her mirror. I'm sure she guessed some of the truth as well.
3) The Red fox
A sort of strange plot hole, or a something I took great creative liberty with. Why was Alysae only able to draw a red fox properly? Well, like Treebeard said, she passed through Fangorn with a red fox who I decided, in my world, that it's actually Yavanna's favourite animal or something. It doesn't make sense I know. But whatever. So the red fox brought Alysae to Mirkwood where she was found and then adopted by Thranduil.
B. Sauron
Ever since the beginning, when Alysae touched the Ring, she saw terrible images. They were not "someone else's memories" like Gandalf suggested, but they were memories of the time Bereneth was killed and Alysae should have died.
Like Gandalf said, Sauron was drawn to Alysae. As you can imagine, her soul was not tethered properly to her human body, and it had been touched by a Valar. It was like a beacon in the dark for Sauron. If only he could harness her soul, something so pure, he could twist it into a weapon, like Melkor twisted the souls of Elves to create Orcs, or like he (sauron) created the One Ring.
It's why he always haunted her, why she heard his hissing voice, why Saruman said what he said: "you have touched power far beyond your understanding". Even as he lay dying he was desperately trying to grasp her soul (when she died too). But thank the Valar for stopping that.
C. The Valar
Why Yavanna and not Elbereth or someone else? Well she is the Valar of Life and nature, so I thought it would be fitting. And I wanted to write a world where the Valar are listening if you really pray for them.
IV. Acknowledgement
This is a huge thank you to everyone who has ever read that story and loved it and followed it and favourited it and reviewed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You made me continue this story.
Special thanks to some faithful reviewers:
Ten Duel Commandments, without whom I would never have finished this story;
Scylla's Revenge, mystarlight, PrettyRecklessLaura, Ponytail Goddess, mustardlady, Annabel Jones, Stygian Willow, Katia0203, the7horcrux, thank you for having reviewed every chapter when I first started this story, without you I would not have continued;
thank you to everyone else, whose notification inspired me to keep going.
Thank you to my best friend for beta reading some of this.
Thank you to Tolkien for having created this amazing world, and to Peter Jackson for having brought it to the screens.
Thank you, dear reader.
V. Bonus
Indeed, you have not read that wrong: I have a bunch of bonus chapters stashed away! Scenes that didn't make the cut, because the mood wasn't right, scenes I wasn't satisfied with, etc.
I will post them one by one, when I have the time to edit them :)
You can expect in no particular order:
- the very long awaited and asked for discussion between Legolas and Alysae, when she tells him about her fading
- Alysae trying (and failing) to cook whilst camping
- Alysae and Elrohir's first kiss
- that one convo between the twins
- and more
Again, thank you so much for reading this. I will also endeavour to edit some of the earlier chapters :)
SIGNED:
Addy White