AN: I OWN NOTHING.
Location: Bald Mountain
Time: ? In another part of the world, at a place called 'Bald Mountain', sits the dark god Chernabog…
It's been stressful much to Chernabog's dismay as recently, a cult started to form around his humble mountain.
No one, not even the town living in the valley from his presence, knew where they came from as they simply showed up one day with their devotion to Chernabog wearing nothing but red cultic robes.
The strangest part of all, was that they all spoke in Latin and referred to the dark god as "Tchernabog.", instead of his native name.
One day, a stranger walked into the bald mountain area. He wore an old gunslinger-style trench-coat, a white shirt covered with straps holding bundles of dynamite, and an all black hat on his head. On his back was a very rusty pitchfork.
However, the creepiest part of all about the stranger appearance was his face. Completely covered in pitch black with piercing red eyes.
The Cultists started to shit their pants, it was Caleb. And he's here to fuck up their god once more.
[OST Begin - Infuscomus (Metal Cover)]
They tried to surround the man, all shouting 'maranax infirmux' but were halted when Caleb stopped in their paths, smirked and raised his head towards the crowd of fresh victims.
"I guess someone wants to play with me after all.. LETS DANCE!" Caleb chucked, as he equips a stubbed double barrel shotgun and starts blasting shot after shot into his next canon fodder.
To the townsfolk, they couldn't believe what they're witnessing. A man in 1920s attire is taking down an entire cult with an arsenal of dynamite, flare-guns, tommy guns, shotguns, an-
"BUON GIOVANE! WHAT IS THAT!?" One shouted as the villager pointed to cultists getting burned and electrocuted alive by what appeared to be two makeshift napalm and tesla coil weapons respectively.
Caleb wasn't even done yet, oh no. The maniacal build engine protagonist then started to fucking bunny hop towards Chernabog after finishing up the last of the cultists.
Chernabog couldn't believe what he just saw. This man, no, demon took down an entire cult dedicated towards him and was heading his way.
Before he could react he screamed in pain/ Chernabog then turned to see Caleb's silhouette under his wing, holding of all things a Voodoo-Doll.
"Don't worry, Cher-bitch." He said "This will all be over soon!" Chernabog felt the pain coming back again in full force as Caleb (who's violently circle strafing) started unleashing his full arsenal on the Dark God..
When the dust settled, Caleb was the only one standing. He turned to face Chernabog's face, still breathing from all the napalm and electrical damage. Naturally, Caleb walked up to him, equipped his double barrel, and like the stone gargoyle Cheogh who claimed Ophelia, executed the Dark God.
Some of the towns folk tried to congratulate Caleb for his efforts, but backed down as he raised his Tommy Gun once more upon their faces… They watched silently, as the man who freed them from Chernabog's wrath walks into a vortex, hunting for more victims of the undead.
[END OST]
Location: Belle's Village
Time: 04:30 (Around the same time as Caleb's Cleansing and right before the spell was broken)
Meanwhile, back at Belle's Village a scheme was being planned. Gaston was in his tavern, as he always does, with only a single lantern lighting the room. Sitting beside him was an older gentleman from a local asylum and his dumbass partner Lefou.
"It's like this…" Gaston started, "I got my heart set on marrying Belle… But, she need's a little.. Persuasion."
"Gheh! Turned him down fla- MMph!" Gaston shutted Lefou's comment up by shoving a beer mug down his face.
"Everyone knows her father's a lunatic! He was in here tonight raving about a beast in a castle."
"Maurice is harmless…" The old man replied, as Gaston slammed his fist on the table before throwing a bag of coins.
"Now the point is, Belle would do anything to keep him from being locked up."
"pop Yeah. Even marry him" Lefou snarked back before hiding in the same mug from before..
"So, you want me to throw her father into the asylum, unless she agrees to marry you…" The old man paused then started to chuckle
"Oh, that is despicable. I lo-"
Before he could finish a soft tune began to play through the town.
[OST Begin - Man with a Harmonica]
A block outside of the village was a man riding on horseback, playing what looked like an old harmonica…
The white horse fit for a prince. However, on the side of each saddle held rifles from another time or even period.. The rider does not help the situation either.
He was decked out in a dark red trench coat, a beige shirt with a black undersleeve, dark brown pants, and a wedding ring screaming of royalty barely visible over his right hand also decked with black hand gloves. His hair, while brown was mostly covered by an old ten-gallon showing its age from countless gunfights and skirmishes.
As the townsfolk woke up to see what all the fuss was about (along with Gaston stepping outside his tavern), they went wide-eyed at his face.
Their strange rider had deep brown eyes that made Gaston go on edge with a part of his face had a deep knife scar that still had red markings on it.
before anyone can say a word, the rider lowered the harmonica and hopped off his horse. Taking a look around before starting to speak.
"What?" The man asked. "I'm just playing my harmonica? Ain't I 'llowed to do that?" Not a single soul answered
"Sigh anyways, I came into town looking for a…" The man trailed off as he grabbed a piece of paper from his horse's saddle bags.
"Gaston Legume?" He finished.
"That will be me, Monsieur! Greatest hunter of the whole world!" Gaston exclaimed as he then flexed his muscles.
Some of the townsfolk then noticed something on the man's hip but we're too late to reply as the man spoke up again.
"Alright good this'll be quicker." He muttered ominously.
The man lowered his paper and then started reaching his hand down near his belt, pulling out a Smith and Wesson 45 Schofield revolver his right and a lasso on another, right as Gaston stopped flexing.
"Gaston Legume" The rider boomed, "you are wanted ALIVE or DEAD by the the fine folks leadin' this countyfor poaching and bribery. How do you plea?"
Nobody could believe what they just heard as the piece of paper from earlier falls out in front of Gaston, wide-eyed as the rest.
"NO ONE DARES THREATENS GASTON" He bellowed. "EN GA-GUACK"
Before Gaston can even dare, the man threw a lasso around his waist and knocked him out cold. The old man from earlier started to make a run for his carriage but was shot in the back twice by a Mauser C96.
The villagers (now awoke from the stranger) was utterly speechless. Their town's pride and joy, lasso'd and knocked out on the ground by in their eyes a two bit criminal. Before they even dare to rush him the man spoke again.
"I sensed him being evil.. Wasn't a bounty on him but the local government had issues with how he treated patients… Also had ta's deal with several of those low lyin' sons'a bitches back in the states… " He paused, then looked at Lefou and the rest of the townsmen pulling out makeshift weapons.
"I wouldn't do that if I was ya." He chuckled. "Last time that happened I gunned down a whole group of bandits right smack dab in their city. By myself." The rider threatened before holstering his pistol as a rather convenient bounty wagon appeared out of nowhere.
"W- WAIT!" Lefout screamed, a bit on edge from the man.
"What is it? I gotta head inta the forests here.."
Lefou paused, then gulped heavily.
"What's your name?" [OST: Estancia (Red Dead Redemption Soundtrack)]
The man looked down, smirked and tipped his hat up.
"Prince Phillip." The man chuckled. "Married to Princess Aurora andPart-Time Gunslinger." He exclaimed watching the villagers gasp in shock as he rode into the dawn.
A few hours later, just outside of town, Prince Phillip was approaching a roadside junction when he spotted two rather... Unusual men approaching him. Unknown to him, it was our dear Mormon Priest J-
"Jesus H. Christ" Prince Phillip screamed. "What the hell happened to you two!?"
"Radiation/Tossed Down the Grand Canyon." Both replied.
"Uhm... Okay." He stuttered. "You two aren't the weirdest thing I've dealt with but gave me quite a scare I guess.. Hell, I had a fuckin' caveman who can kill ghosts in an old gang I used to run with after al- sonuva bitch where my manners? Name's Prince Phillip." The gunslinger rambled.
"I am Joshua Graham of the New Canaanites." The burned man replied, "The ghoul here is Raul Tejada. Our compatriot Junior always mentioned your actions in some wa-"
"Wait. Junior!?/Phillip!?" He said right around the same time another voice yelled at them. Phillip looked around for the source only to go pale from seeing a certain blonde female woman in a well-kept peasant dress. It's Phillip's sleep depraved wife A-
"Oh hi ho- OW!" Phillip was suddenly thrown off his horse as his wife, Aurora yanked his ear.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN MY LOVE!? ITS BEEN THREE FUCKING WE-"
"Look honey, It's been busy but u-"
"OH DON'T GET ME STArted with… erm. You?" Aurora's voice trailed off as she eyes The Ghoul and Mormon Mummy.
"Uh... Phillip my love?" She whispered in his ear, "Who the hell are those two.?"
"Joshua Graham and Raul. Some form of ghoul and... Canyon survivor." Phillip groaned, "Anyways, what are you doing here? And can you let go of my ear?" He pleaded.
"Oh! Sorry, Love!" Aurora yelped as she let go of his ear before continuing.
"First off Phillip, I was trying to find you. Ya know how hard it was? I had to go through the shit show that is the hundred-acre woods and ask for your whereabouts.."
"Ain't that the place with the weird asian bear?" Prince Phillip asked.
A few hours earlier in The Hundred Acre Woods:
"I'm sorry Mrs. Rose" A boy half Aurora's age replied, "but, last we've seen your husband was down b-"
"CAN SOMEONE HELP ME FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT!? THE DAMN BEAR GOT STUCK IN MY HOLE AGAIN." A voice screamed out, interrupting the two's conversation. The two turned to see a fat yellow bear stuck in a small rabbit hole with other odd anamorphic animals just standing around doing jack shit.
Aurora sighed before turning at the boy again, "Thanks for your help Christopher, but I'm just gonna take my leave while you deal with erm..." Aurora's voice trailed off when the voice picked up again.
"CHRISTOPHER ARE YOU THERE!? HELP ME OUTTA HERE. POOH'S SUFFERING FROM THE SAME ILLNESS AGA-" It said, as another chimed in speaking rather... o-
"哦，打擾了。天安門廣場大屠殺光榮歸毛澤東，解放西藏。大躍進" Aurora said nothing as she left the chaotic scene looking for her husband.
"...Yes." Aurora answered, "But anyways, enough is enough honey. I'm coming with you on these bounty missions." She exclaimed
"I don't know much about you child, but do you have good marksmanship and trigger discipline?" Our lovable mummy replied before YET ANOTHER fucking voice was heard in the woods
"RUN BAMBI!"
Before anyone could reply, Aurora then grabbed a Winchester 1894 from out of her back, and shot a clear round through a doe's head. Killing it instantly.
"Does that answer your question?"
Joshua and Raul said nothing more while they witnessed the young couple rush to each-others arms and kissed furiously before breaking away just a few seconds later.
"Aurora… Your the best thing that's ever ha-" A tiresome Joshua Graham stepped forward and pushed the two aside from doing anything more heinous.
"Now I know you two want to absolutely be in each-others arms until the second coming of our Lord, but me and Raul have a Mission. Are you coming or not?" Joshua Interrupted
"Uh, sure!" Phillip answered as he saddled onto Samson again. "Let's kick some sand Samson. HYAH!"
"Is your husband always this happy, child?" Graham asked, eyeing the Princess.
"Yep.." She answered, "But I more or less blame that on our walks Once Upon a Dream-"
"Por favor no cante señorita…" Raul groaned back as the odd group continued on their way into the wooded forest. [END OST]
AN: I decided to cobble both Interludes into one for posterity sake and I think it turned out well. Anyways, "Duke can be cringy, Lo Wang can be a racist caricature, but Caleb - who would be a total edgelord if voiced by someone else - is instead the raspy gunslingin' undead maniac we all know and love." - Civvie 11. I was disappointed so when I made up the rules for this fic, I said "fuck it!" and did it myself.
I love the shit outta Blood. For the longest while when writing this fanfic, I wanted to see if anyone has tried writing or created anything on our favorite gun-slinging maniac going to town in Fantasia.
Okay so. You may be confused about my take on Prince Phillip. I'll gladly explain it!
Basically, me and two great close friends of mine have a Red Dead Online gang of the weirdest yet funniest combo possible.
The leader and closest friend of mine is a normal army man. (Off topic but as of right now is going through deep IRL issues with work and personal issues I don't want to delve into. If he disappears, I'll carry the legacy in here), The second bud is literally a caveman that escaped the sanatorium, and mine is just Prince Phillip who found his way on US Soil.
Aurora hated that she left him so she taught herself how to use weapons and hid it till well.. This insanely long interlude.
This is the first of many interludes of other parts in the Disney universe that'll appear in the fic in between our favorite mailman chaotic sprees. R I guess.