Runaway Hearts

by TheSojournReader

Leroy Berry is forced to acknowledge that he can't do it alone. Reluctantly, he calls in Shelby to help raise little Rachel. Temporarily. Too bad for him, Shelby refuses to walk away from her little girl ever again. And little Rachel refuses to let go of her mother. Will Leroy concede defeat or fight them?

1. Chapter 1

Prologue

Shelby paces her living room, her baby girl in her arms. The little tyke woke up from the thunder and lightning outside and immediately cried out for her mommy. Shelby had lifted the three year old from her toddler bed and cuddled her close. Rachel clings to her now.

"It's okay, my little ray of sunshine. I know you don't like loud sounds. But they're just sounds."

She kisses her tear soaked cheek and Rachel lifts her head off her shoulder. "It's woud."

Grinning at the adorableness of her still struggling with L-words, the mother comforts her. "Yeah, it's loud. That's okay. They can't hurt you. Mommy won't let them."

"Mommy, you sing?"

"For you? Of course."

Shelby sings "You Are My Sunshine" to her three year old daughter while pacing their living room. By the end of the song, Rachel is calm and her eyelids are drooping. Shelby smiles softly. This isn't how she expected to spend her own birthday when she'd thought of it a few months ago, but she wouldn't have it any other way. She finally has her little girl in her life. Partying in New York City with her friends is no longer of interest to her. Nothing beats being a mother to her baby girl.

Chapter 1

The low rumble of the newscasters on the television drones on in the background. His attention isn't on it. His attention is inward. Leroy's weary mind races and his body is tense. He's coming very close to accepting something that he really doesn't want to accept. It terrifies him. A breath catches in his chest and he rubs his eyes. He leans forward, leaning his elbows on his legs and pressing his face into his hands. Three days of unshaven scruff scratches at his palms. No wonder Rachel cried so much when he held her earlier. Their baby girl isn't used to her daddies having beards. They're usually clean shaven. With these uncomfortable changes in their lives, the two year old is already unsettled and struggling to adapt. Adding on her dad's new beard is too much for the toddler. He needs to shave. He needs to go grocery shopping. Leroy sniffs his shirt. He needs to do laundry, too.

Hearing Rachel start crying, he sighs heavily and pushes himself off the couch. Clearly nap time, and his subsequent break, is over. He heads upstairs to the nursery, the cries getting louder. He's passing his and Hiram's room when he hears raspy coughing from within. He spins back and steps into the room. His husband is on his side, curled up, coughing roughly. Between coughs, he's gasping for air. Leroy hurries inside and pounds his back for him. When the coughing fit is done, he grabs the oxygen mask and places it on Hiram's face. He sits on the edge of the bed and rubs his husband's back, waiting for the man to get control of his breathing. Rachel is still crying out, waiting for someone to release her from her crib. She's probably hungry, too. His gut twists.

"Dada!"

"Le—" Hiram rasps out. "Get—Rach-el."

"I will. You needed me first."

"She's just—a baby." He says between breaths.

"I know. She can wait another minute, though. You couldn't."

"Dada peas!" Rachel cries.

Their baby girl struggles with speaking when she's upset or too tired. So when she first wakes up, she generally just cries. It's only after she's fully awake that she starts using her words. He watches Hiram wince with each new cry from their daughter. Once Hiram is able to take in normal breaths, Leroy kisses his cheek and hurries into the nursery. Rachel is holding onto the side of the crib, her hair a wild mess, her cheeks red and tear stained, her bottom lip trembling. The moment she sees him, she shoves her arms out to him, wanting to be held.

"Hi, sweetheart. Is that you making all that racket?" He coos.

He lifts her and she snuggles right into him. He has no idea what he'll do when he can no longer cuddle his baby like this. Just the thought of it breaks his heart. She's going to grow up and won't be his snuggle bug anymore. He carries her down the hall but pauses at his bedroom door.

"I'm gonna feed her, then I'll bring you something."

"Okay."

He glances at his daughter. Her big brown eyes are staring at her daddy, but she no longer calls for him. Only recently did she stop trying to go to him while he's in bed. She'll go to him when he's sitting in a chair or standing, but if he's in bed she avoids him. They understand why. The last time he was in bed and she was curled up with him, he had a coughing fit. It scared her and she cried hysterically for a while. After that, it's like she attributed Hiram laying down with the scary coughing. It broke Hiram's heart, but he understood. Leroy settles her in the high chair and starts making her food. She watches him quietly. That's new, too. She used to always make noises. As a baby, she was always testing out what sounds she could make (and how loudly) and would giggle after each one. It was adorable. Once she started learning words, she would use them nonstop. Now, the confusion and stress over the scary changes has quieted her. They both hate it, but there's nothing they can do about it. Hiram is sick. Until he goes into remission, things will remain as they are.

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It's been nine months since his husband's diagnosis. Hiram isn't getting any better. He can't work anymore. Rachel is quieter and yet fussier than ever. She cries more. She alternates between demanding attention or hiding. Leroy will never forget the terror he felt the first time he realized his two year old daughter was missing. Hiram tried to help look for her, but became short of breath and had to sit down. Heart and mind racing, Leroy alone searched the entire house top to bottom before finding her in a kitchen cabinet, hugging a stuffed bear and sucking her thumb. His heart broke at the sight of her tears.

"Hi, little one!" He'd cooed softly.

She didn't move; just watched him warily, silent tears streaming down her face. At the same moment that Leroy reached for her, Hiram started coughing from the other room. Rachel dropped her bear and slapped her hands over her ears. Leroy froze, heart falling. She's scared. The pieces connected and he understood. He'd sat cross legged and purposely made his face and posture as relaxed as possible. He waited, letting his daughter watch him.

"That was scary, wasn't it? Daddy coughed a lot."

"Woud." She said softly.

"Yeah. That was loud. And scary. But it's okay, pumpkin. Daddy will be okay. He's just not feeling well. Do you wanna snuggle and watch Aladdin?"

Slowly, Rachel nodded and started scooting out of the cabinet. Leroy grabbed her as soon as she was close enough and hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry you were scared, sweetheart. But Daddy's alright. It'll all be alright."

He started Aladdin for Rachel, checked that Hiram was okay, then went and cuddled with his daughter. He didn't watch the movie. He watched her. And thought. Hard. They don't have any family outside of them. Both of their immediate families disowned them when they got married. It's just the three of them. And now, it falls on Leroy to care for his seriously ill husband and his toddler daughter. His lips tremble and he presses a hand over them so Rachel won't see.

He doesn't know how much longer he can keep going like this.

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A couple more months go by. Leroy is beyond stressed. Hiram's health keeps going through phases; he'll feel okay for a while, then he'll be in bad shape for a while. The problem is that lately, the bad phases are lasting longer than the good ones.

His attention is split between working (from home as much as possible), taking care of a two year old, and taking care of his husband. His patience is worn thing. He's exhausted, stressed, scared, and frustrated. He's been snapping at his family and then feels guilty. It's not their faults. Either of them. He knows Rachel doesn't know any better; she's two. Still, when she argues, says no, throws a tantrum, or makes a mess, he yells. He didn't used to. These days, it's his go-to response. He hates himself and snuggles up with her afterwards as an apology. And he never lets Hiram see just how strained he's gotten. His husband doesn't need the added stress. He just needs to focus on getting better. Then they'll be able to go back to the happy family they were.

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"Nooo!" Rachel screams in a whine, running away from him.

Leroy breathes out through his nose hard, trying to remind himself to stay calm. "Rachel, sweetheart, you need to take a bath."

"No!"

"But you're a stinky little girl."

"M'not!"

"You are. You're a stinky baby. Do you want to be a stinky baby?"

"No baf!"

"Yes a bath, Rachel. Now."

Rachel stomps her little foot. "Not now. Pway now!"

"No, we're done playing."

"Pway!"

Rachel runs to her toy box and dumps out a plastic baby tea set that Leroy had just put away less than an hour ago. The items clatter on the ground, adding to the mess already on the floor. He's been so tired lately that he's only cleaning the bare minimum to be able to get around the house. So seeing the little progress he'd made be completely undone, combined with the shitty day he'd had, causes him to snap.

"Enough!" He roars.

He grabs her by her little arm, turns her around, and smacks her bottom. While this would have been a normal and appropriate response to the situation, there are two problems. First, since he'd been trying to give her a bath, she's currently naked. Her bottom took the blows bare, with no protection or padding. Second, his snapping and rush of anger caused him to hit harder than he ever has before. Rachel screams her head off in a way she never has before. Leroy pauses, hand in the air, and stares down at her very red bottom. His stomach rolls. What the fuck is wrong with him?

"Oh, God. Rachel. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

He cradles her against his chest and gently rubs her back as he paces her room, trying to soothe her tears. She sobs and sobs, her little face scrunched up in hurt and confusion. Leroy feels like absolute shit.

"Le?" Hiram calls from downstairs. "Everything okay?"

Rachel's cries are quieting down. He quickly wraps her in a towel and heads into the hall. Hiram doesn't need to know. It'd just upset him and stress him out.

"Yeah. Our little darling is against bath time. I had to give her a little spanking."

There's a moment of hesitation before Hiram responds. "Okay."

Rachel is quiet and cooperative, but not happy during her bath time. Seeing her complacent eases some of his guilt. It's clearly what she needed. A firm hand. Still, he promises himself it'll be the last time.

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It wasn't the last time. It was just the first. Her spankings started happening more and more frequently. Leroy doesn't let himself think about when spanking crosses the line into something more severe. It stops her fussing and gets her to do what she needs to do. And it helps keep her quiet so he can focus on taking care of Hiram. Once Hi is healthy again, he won't need to resort to this. He's positive of this.

Rachel turned three. They didn't really get to celebrate because Hiram was in the hospital. In fact, Leroy was so stressed that he completely forgot about it. Thankfully she's young enough to not know they celebrated more than two weeks after her actual birthday.

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The slap shocked them both. Rachel was too shocked to even cry out. The three year old fell over with the force of the blow, pushed herself up, and turned to face him. She stared up at him with wide eyes and a quivering bottom lip, her cheek already turning red. Leroy stared down at her, his palm stinging. He looked between her and his hand in shock. He hit her. Not spanked. Hit. Slapped. He blamed her, he realized. He can't be in the hospital comforting his husband because his three year old needed to be taken home.

The first sound slips out of his daughter. A soft, pathetic little whimper. And then another, louder. In moments she's sobbing. He reaches for her and she flinches back, her cries increasing. Leroy stumbles out of her room and into his own. He runs his hands through his hair and clutches his head. His breaths come in sharp bursts. A moan slips out of him. He drops to his knees, hands still on his head. The tears come suddenly. He's sobbing as hard as Rachel, his heart clenched so tightly he's not sure how he's still alive.

"Oh, God. Oh, God." He gasps between sobs. "I didn't—I-I didn't—"

It takes a lot of effort, but he manages to reign in his cries and settle himself down. He can't be here, feeling sorry for himself, while his innocent daughter is still sobbing down the hall. Quickly drying his face on his comforter, he hurries back to Rachel's room. The three year old has buried her face into her stuffed bunny. Her little body is clenched tight, her hands in fists and even her toes are curled up. Leroy settles on the floor next to her and does the only thing he can think to do. He hums "Baby Mine". Her cries soften and he can tell she's listening. Cautiously, he lays a hand on her back. She tenses more but doesn't squirm away. Still humming, he begins to softly rub her back. It takes a while, but her body slowly relaxes and her tears come to a stop. He lays beside her and looks into her eyes.

"Rachel, I'm very sorry. I'm not mad at you. I'm sad Daddy isn't home with us and I did a bad thing."

"Hit."

"Yeah. I hit you. That was bad, wasn't it?"

Slowly, Rachel nods. "No hit."

"Right. We don't hit. Dada was bad. But I'm very, very sorry. I promise I won't ever do it again. I love you so much, Rachel. Can you forgive me?"

Rachel slides closer and her fingers grasp his shirt. "I a'give you, Dada."

"Thank you, sweetheart." He kisses her forehead.

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Hiram's smile grows when Rachel toddles into the room and immediately puts her hands out towards him. He helps her climb up on the hospital bed and holds her close, kissing her all over while she giggles. Leroy waits, knowing what's about to happen. Sure enough, Hiram kisses her sore cheek and Rachel flinches back with a whine. Hiram freezes. Gently, he grabs her chin and turns her head so he can inspect her cheek. Leroy will never forget the look Hiram gives him in that moment. For a couple minutes, Hiram ignores him and focuses 100% of his attention on their daughter. Once Rachel's ramblings have run their course, Hiram calls for a nurse.

"Judy, honey, can you please watch Rachel for a moment so I can speak with Leroy?"

"Only for you. And only for a couple minutes. I do have other patients, Hiram." She says with a smile. Then she coaxes Rachel into taking her hand and following her to get a special treat.

"Why is her cheek red?"

Leroy's mouth is dry. "I hit her."

Rage and heartbreak battle for dominance on Hiram's face. "Why?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just…..I was overwhelmed and snapped. It won't happen again."

Hiram covers his mouth and closes his eyes. "Overwhelmed. Le…that's not an excuse. But don't think I haven't noticed the dark circles under your eyes and how tired you look. I know this is hard, baby, but you need to put Rachel first."

"I'm trying. But you're my husband. I need to be there for both of you, but that doesn't leave enough of me left to be me."

"Then stop focusing on me. I'm a grown man. I can handle this on my own. I can focus on taking care of myself and you focus on raising our daughter."

He started shaking his head before he even finished speaking. "No. You're my husband, my other half, the love of my life. You're going through something difficult and scary. I'm not walking away. I can take care of both of you."

Hiram looks at him intently. "Put me in a nursing home. Or an assisted living home or whatever."

"We can't afford it."

"Why not?"

"You're not getting paid anymore, Hir. Your disability payments aren't much. I didn't get a raise this year since I'm working less. And these medical bills are no joke."

"Le—" Hiram grabs his oxygen mask and holds it to his mouth and nose for a minute. When he can talk again, he goes on. "Things can't go on like this. None of us are doing well. I'm sick, you're falling apart, and Rachel…... We can at least save our daughter and give her better."

Leroy's eyes dart between his. "W-what are you talking about?"

"Shelby."

"No."

"Le, it's Shelby or I file for divorce and take Rachel."

He scoffs. "You're not well enough to take care of her on your own. They'd never grant you full custody while you're sick."

"So she'd end up with the state, who will just give her back to Shelby."

Leroy paces the room. Shelby always wanted Rachel. It wasn't until after signing the contract that the young woman seemed to realize what she'd just signed away and was too late to do anything about it. She tried, though. She asked, begged, pleaded, and even threatened them to try to get them to renegotiate the contract. He knows she'd be thrilled to take Rachel now. But he hates that. Once she has custody of Rachel, she can keep her and they'll have to fight to get their daughter back. It'd be messy.

"I can handle it."

"But you're not. I've watched you slowly lose control, Le. And now you hit our three year old daughter! That's my breaking point. I need both of you to be okay. We can't do anything about my health. We can and will make sure Rachel is well cared for. We need to."

"I know that! I want what's best for her and that's us!"

"You said it yourself. I'm in no shape to raise her. And you're falling apart. And…" He hesitates, then keeps going. "And Rachel isn't exactly thriving at the moment. None of us are handling this well. We need help. We need Shelby."

The tears start rolling down Leroy's cheeks. "What if…..what if she takes Rachel and runs? What if we can't get her back? What if we lose her forever? What if I lose both of you forever? I can't handle that, Hiram. I can't."

Hiram takes his husband's face in his hands. "She won't. We'll share custody. We'll have her sign another contract stating that once I'm healthy again, or after I've passed and you're ready, we, or you, will take her back. This will be temporary."

"I—I don't—"

"Le, Rachel deserves better. Isn't that how we convinced Shelby to stop threatening us and walk away? By pointing out that we could give Rachel a better life than she could? And right now, we can't. Rachel deserves better than we can give her right now. Temporarily. But we have to put Rachel's needs first."

Slowly, Leroy nods in defeat. "I'll make the call."

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Shelby Corcoran holds the final note until the music stops. Her cast mates applaud her and whistle. She grins. It's been a long, hard road but she finally made it. She's originating a role on Broadway and she couldn't be more thrilled or more proud. They've been rehearsing for two months and it's going well. Plus it's a lot of fun. Everyone is really excited about the project and she's met a lot of new people and made new friends. It's been the best experience of her life and possibly the best two months of her life. The icing on the cake is that it helps distract her from what she left behind. Leaving Ohio, leaving her daughter, was hard. Even though she had no legal claim to her child, it was hard. She managed it. She struggled through pathetic jobs and audition after audition. She did a few off-Broadway shows, but nothing that lasted long. This will be different. There's a feeling in the air of expectation and hope. She is hopeful for the first time in a long time and it's because of this show. It's her ticket to her dreams coming true.

Rehearsal ends and she goes out to dinner with a couple cast mates who are quickly becoming friends. When she finally makes it home, she is exhausted but happily so. It was a long day, but a good one. Which is why she isn't thrilled when her phone rings. She'd been hoping to shower and then go to bed early. All irritation is swept away when she sees the name on the caller ID. A mix of fear and excitement flows through her.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Shelby."

"Leroy. What's—what's going on? You said—"

"I know what I said, but…things changed."

Her heart is thudding wildly in her chest. "What changed?"

"Hiram is sick. Lung cancer."

"I'm very sorry to hear that." And she is. Despite her issues with the contract they made her sign, she knows they're good men. And Hiram is the kinder, gentler of the two. Leroy was always the quick tempered one. "How's he doing?"

"He…..he has his days. But he's currently hospitalized. That's why I'm calling. I need to take care of my sick husband and Rachel….." Her heart rate skyrockets. Rachel. That's her daughter's name. Just hearing it has tears piercing her eyes. Rachel. Leroy's breaths are coming more raggedly now. "She's three now. Three year olds need a lot of attention and care. So does Hiram. I can't take care of both of them. I just can't." She can hear the thick tears in his voice and her heart goes out to him. "I can't take care of both of them, Shelby. It's too much."

"You want me to help take care of….of Rachel?" Using her daughter's name for the first time sends a stab of both hurt and joy through her heart.

"Yes. Can you…..you're in New York, right?"

"I am."

"Would you be willing to move back to Ohio? Temporarily. This would all be temporary."

Her heart is screaming at her to say yes; anything to have the chance to at least see her daughter. However, the mess of the contract, her regret and hurt, and the years of hating herself for not fighting it harder rear their ugly head. "You want me to drop my life here, to go back to Ohio, to take care of Rachel temporarily, just to walk away and go back to New York when I'm not needed anymore?"

There's a long pause on the other line. Yes. That's exactly what Leroy was hoping for. "Not exactly." He finally hedges.

"I am more than happy to take care of Rachel, but we're doing it my way." She responds firmly, ignoring the way her hands are shaking. "I will take care of Rachel here, in New York, where I have a life. Once you're able to take care of her again, we'll split custody 50/50."

"No." His response is immediate and just as firm as hers.

"Leroy, you said yourself you can't take care of both of them. I will take Rachel."

"You're not taking her! You're helping out for a little while!" Leroy snaps.

Shelby forces herself to take a steadying breath and sit on her couch. The last thing she wants right now is to set him off to the point that he cuts her off and doesn't let her help raise Rachel. However, she also doesn't want anything temporary. Her fear of losing out on this opportunity altogether pushes her to compromise.

"I'm not talking about taking her away." She says softly, hoping to soothe the panicking father. "I'm talking about helping raise her now while you need help, then getting to be in her life from here on out. While I'd be thrilled with sharing custody of her, I'd be happy just to be in her life and not have to wait until she's eighteen." Fuck that. She wants full custody but she doesn't dare admit to it right now

"I—-you won't take her away?"

The terrified and shaky tone he used causes tears to spring to her eyes once more. "No. I have no intention of taking her away from you, Leroy. I just want to help you out right now and get to be in her life from now on."

She lets him think it over. He clearly needs assistance raising her while his husband is sick and she knows they don't have any other family to lean on. And she's thrilled to help out. However, the thought of getting to spend the next couple weeks or months raising Rachel, only to lose her for years tears at her heart. She couldn't handle that. But is it worth it to get any time with her at all? Before she can decide, Leroy speaks again.

"Okay. We can renegotiate the contract."

"Fuck the contract. Tear it up. We'll write a new one. Together. One that benefits all of us, but especially Rachel."

Leroy breathes out a long, hard breath. "Fine. But moving here for the duration of caring for her is nonnegotiable."

Shelby opens her mouth to agree when she catches sight of a picture she'd placed on her end table. It's a photo of her and her costars on the first day of rehearsal. They'd taken it to commemorate the special occasion. She finally made it on Broadway. Moving to Ohio now would mean giving up that dream. Abandoning it. Her gut twists and she feels like she could vomit. Through the entire phone call, she never once gave her career a single thought. Now, she's realizing what's at stake. Is she seriously going to walk away from her first Broadway show? To raise a child who she may not get to see again for fifteen years?

"Alright. I'll be there in three days."

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Shelby used the first day to sit down with her director and producers and explain the situation. She broke down in tears, telling them everything; she was hired as a surrogate for a gay couple, was forced to sign a contract stating she'd have no contact with her child for eighteen years, how badly it hurt to walk away from her child and how much she regretted signing that stupid contract, and that she is now needed to go be a mother to her child for a while. They were shocked and unhappy at the sudden loss of their star, but they were also understanding. Family comes first. Then she had to retell the story to her coworkers, who had mixed reactions. Overall, they were supportive and she appreciated it.

The next two days were spent packing and making arrangements. She and Leroy spoke at length before agreeing on a course of action. She's going to stay at a hotel for the first couple days she's in Ohio. She'll get to meet Rachel with both of her fathers present. They'll slowly introduce mother and daughter until the child is comfortable with her. Only then will the fathers start letting the mother "babysit". It'll stop being babysitting after all of them are comfortable with the situation. Then, she'll finally receive partial custody of her child.

And then, when all is said and done, she will fight them for more custody. Never again will she walk away from her baby.

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She thought she'd be excited and nervous to star in her first Broadway show, but what she's feeling now, when she's about to meet her daughter for the first time, is so much stronger. Hiram was released from the hospital and is home resting. Shelby settled into her hotel last night and is walking up to the Berry house now. Hiram answers the door and greets her. Shelby has to fight to keep herself from reacting. He's bald, pale, and so much skinnier than she's ever seen. He doesn't look good. And yet, his smile is genuine and his eyes are sparkling.

"Shelby."

Any other time they'd have come face to face, it'd be far more chilly. Since she's finally getting her baby girl and it's at their request, it's a lot warmer between them. She steps up to him and gives him a hug.

"Hi, Hiram."

They go inside and her attention is immediately drawn to everything that indicates that a young child lives here.

"She's upstairs. Leroy will bring her downstairs soon."

Shelby nods and sits on the couch with him. They talk about his condition and treatments, then about how much she enjoyed living in New York.

"I'm sorry you didn't land any big shows. You definitely have the talent."

Shelby looks down and fiddles with her fingers. "Well I sort of did. But raising Rachel matters more to me."

Hiram's face drops. "You gave up your dream to help us?"

"No offense, but I gave up my dream to be a part of my daughter's life. Helping you two is a happy bonus." Not entirely true. She'd been furious and heartbroken over the contract. She'd have no problem never seeing them again and not helping them out after they screwed her over. However, since she's getting what she wants out of helping them, she's willing to pretend otherwise.

Hiram's smile returns and his eyes lighten. "On the one hand, that's why we got so scared and insisted on you signing that contract. On the other hand, I'm thrilled and relieved to know you're a mother first and a performer second."

Mother. She kept focusing on it from her side; getting to be in her daughter's life, raising her. Now, for the first time, she puts the word mother into the situation. She's a mother. She didn't let herself think that through her pregnancy or after. Now, however, yes. She's a mother. A mom. Her daughter is going to grow up calling her Mommy and she couldn't be more thrilled. She blinks away tears.

"For what it's worth…..I'm sorry for how we hurt you. With the contract. We were focused on protecting ourselves and Rachel. We weren't thinking of how much it would hurt you."

Shelby sighs, deciding it'd be best to play peacemaker for now. "I understood it. I hated it and disagreed, but I understood why you felt the need for it."

They sit on the couch and talk for a couple minutes until they hear footsteps on the stairs. Shelby's heart skips a beat before lodging itself in her throat. Her eyes are locked on the little girl in her father's arms. Her big brown eyes stare into Shelby's green eyes with curiosity. Leroy nods to Shelby, then glances at his husband. They share a look before Hiram nods. Leroy turns so that Rachel is facing Shelby.

"Rachel, we want you to meet someone very special. This is your Mommy."

Rachel gives a cute little gasp. Her eyes go wide and her mouth forms an O. The adults wait patiently, curious how she'll respond to this new information. Rachel's eyes take in Shelby from head to toe, then back to her eyes.

"That my Mommy?"

Hearing her little voice melts Shelby's heart.

"Yes, it is. Your Mommy had you in her tummy and Daddy and I asked if we could take care of you. But she really, really wanted you, too. So now we're going to be one big, happy family."

Immediately, Rachel giggles. Her little legs kick out excitedly before swinging happily. Her hands grip her dad's neck and she smiles from ear to ear. "I get a mommy and a dada and a daddy?"

All three parents are thrilled with her response and smile back just as big.

"Yes, you do." Hiram tells her. "You get all three of us."

Unable to stay back any longer, Shelby steps forward. "Hi, Rachel. I'm your Mommy."

Leroy sets Rachel down on her feet. The little girl toddles over to Shelby and stares up at her. Shelby crouches down to be closer to her level. She's unable to stop the tears from springing to her eyes when she feels her daughter's little hands press against her cheeks.

"You pretty."

Shelby laughs. "You're even prettier."

Rachel laughs, her eyes squinting and nose crinkling from her big smile. The girl throws her arms around Shelby's neck. The mother pulls her daughter into her arms for the first time and lets the tears fall. She doesn't let go until Rachel does. Rachel's smile falls.

"You cryin?"

"I am." Shelby says with a smile. "I'm crying because I'm so happy to meet you."

"Mommy?"

Shelby's heart flips joyously. "Yes?"

The toddler leans forward and whispers into her ear. "I happy too."

Shelby laughs and hugs her again.

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The next day, Shelby is back. The family eats lunch together. Rachel takes a nap after lunch and the parents intend to work out a plan while she sleeps. Shelby watches Rachel eat carefully, watching how she eats and listening to the dads tell her what sorts of foods she does and does not like. At nap time, Rachel asks for her mommy to tuck her in. Shelby doesn't miss the slight flinch Leroy tries to hide. Wanting to be respectful of the fathers, she waits for them to give their approval before going with her daughter upstairs. The toddler takes her hand and leads her slowly up the stairs. Her little feet stomp on each step as though she thinks she needs great force to move from step to step. It amuses the mother. In her room, Shelby helps Rachel climb up into the crib with the railing lowered with a small frown. Her daughter is three. She shouldn't still be in a crib. She shoves that thought away for the moment and focuses on her little girl. She runs her fingers through Rachel's dark locks.

"Do you need anything before going to sleep?" Shelby asks softly. She's not sure of the protocol here and she wants to learn.

"Dada hums."

"Dada hums? Do you want me to hum?"

"You sing?"

"I can sing. How about if I sing a lullaby?"

Rachel smiles widely. "Yeah!"

Smiling, she realizes she doesn't even have to think about a song. Her mind instantly recalls the song she'd sing and hum over and over through her pregnancy. Shelby sings "You Are My Sunshine" in a soft voice. Still, her daughter is listening with wide eyes.

"Wow, Mommy."

"Wow?"

"It pretty!"

She chuckles. "I'll teach you to sing pretty, too."

The little girl responds with a quiet, tired hum. Shelby rubs her back gently.

"Go to sleep, baby girl."

She sings the song again and this time, it puts the little girl to sleep. Shelby watches her sleep for a minute, blown away by the peace the simple vision brings her. Eventually, she remembers that the Berrys are waiting for her downstairs and forces herself to join them. They grin at her the moment she walks in.

"She talked you into singing for her, didn't she?"

"Yeah, why?"

The men chuckle. "That is supposed to be reserved for bedtime, not nap time, and she knows it."

Shelby blinks. "I got conned by a three year old?"

"Yup."

The parents laugh as Shelby settles into a seat across from them. Once their chuckles fade, Shelby frowns, wondering how to phrase her question. She decides to just come out with it.

"Why is she still in a crib? She's three."

The men share a look. "We've been pretty distracted lately. We haven't had the time or thought to get her a toddler bed. But you're right. She needs it."

"I'm guessing things like this are part of what prompted you to call me."

Leroy looks down, his expression almost pained. Hiram rests his hand on top of his. "You're right. But let's discuss what'll happen next."

For the next two hours, they talk about what they all need, what Rachel needs, and how they think things should go. Sometimes it got heated, but none of the parents ever forgot to put Rachel first. In the end, all three were satisfied. For now, they will share custody. However, at least to start, Shelby won't have Rachel with her very often. Once Shelby has an apartment, she'll take Rachel to her place for part of the day, then bring her back. After they're all used to this and they're sure Rachel is comfortable, Shelby will take Rachel for two days, then the Berry men will have her for two days, and they'll continue trading off until something needs to change. Obviously, Shelby will take Rachel when Hiram has treatments. Or if Hiram ends up in the hospital again so that Leroy can be with him. But she'll also take Rachel to the hospital to visit her Daddy. And on top of all of this, the Berry men handed her a form from their lawyer for her to sign that undoes their initial contract. In case of emergencies, Shelby needs to legally be given partial custody. That wasn't possible with the contract in place. That contract is now officially voided.

Satisfied, Shelby goes apartment hunting.

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It didn't take long for things to fall into place and a new stage of life to begin for all of them. Shelby had an apartment by the end of the week. She had all furniture delivered within the following two weeks. Rachel warmed up to Shelby much faster than any of them anticipated. This made the Berry men equal parts pleased and uncomfortable. They didn't say anything; they didn't have to. Shelby could read it on their faces. This is the reason they pushed the contract on her. Shelby didn't mention anything about it and neither did they. However, to help assuage their fears, she made a point of telling them how many times Rachel asked for or about her dads. Beyond that, there was really nothing else she could do. Mother and daughter hit it off with an instant connection. The first time Shelby picked her up and the little girl curled into her, their bond was sealed. Rachel still loves her daddies and loves to be with them. That much is obvious and Shelby does her best to casually point that out to the stressed out fathers. But Rachel is just as excited to go with Shelby as she is to return to her fathers.

In a weird way, Shelby felt like she's always had Rachel in her life. Interacting with her daughter comes so naturally that it's like it's always been this way. It's easier than expected. Not being a mother; that's not easy. Especially in the situation she's currently in, splitting custody of her child with two men who raised her baby from infancy and one of whom is fighting a serious illness, with none of them knowing what the future will look like. That part is tough. Having to give her back every two days is hard. But being with Rachel, having her with her, that's easy. And so very thrilling.

There are times when she thinks about how she missed the first three years of her daughter's life. She missed bottle feedings and diaper changes and first words and first steps. It hurts to think about. However, having her now helps ease that ache. As close as they instantly felt, Shelby is still getting to know Rachel and vice versa. But it's so much fun and so wonderful learning all of her idiosyncrasies. To Shelby, nothing is better than cuddling with her three year old daughter and softly singing her a lullaby. It's so much better than what she thought Broadway would be. She's not gonna lie, she still wants Broadway. But she wouldn't trade her time with Rachel for anything. Who needs a stage and packed theater when you have your small child staring up at you with big, awed eyes and listening to your singing with rapt attention?

There are two things that are causing her stress and keeping her worried. The first is major; what will happen in the future? She wants full custody, but is realizing that is highly unlikely. Besides, it'd be mean to Rachel to suddenly cut her fathers out of her life. As disappointing as it is, Shelby stops focusing on getting full custody and starts thinking about the more realistic shared custody. She's just not sure how hard it'll be to get. If Hiram goes into remission and gets better, will she have to fight them for shared custody? If Hiram dies, will she have to fight Leroy for split custody? At the moment, the only assurance she has from the Berry men is their promise that they'll let her still be a part of Rachel's life. They won't block her or try to keep her away. While it's better than their initial contract, it's not enough for her. They haven't gone into any detail yet because none of them know what will happen in the future, how they'll feel, or how things will change. She wants full custody. With that being unlikely, she'll happily split custody 50/50. She will not accept anything less than that. But it's too soon into this arrangement for her to mention that to them yet.

The second thing still stressing her out is her parents. She had to call them and tell them that she gave up her Broadway debut. They were shocked and dismayed. Obviously, they wanted to know why. She said she'd tell them later, but promised it's for a good reason and that everything is fine. In the last three years, it was too painful to tell them about the child she gave away. They have no idea and she has no idea how they'll react. She's not sure how long she'll be able to push that off.

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The first time Shelby took Rachel to the playground at her apartment complex, Rachel fell and scraped her knee. It was the mother's first time dealing with her child having an injury. To be frank, she panicked. However, she didn't panic how she assumed she'd panic. The performer in her came out in the most ridiculous way possible, but it all worked out well and she managed to make the other parents at the playground laugh. She'd been holding the toddler's hand and helping her walk across the bouncy bridge as the girl went back and forth. After doing this a couple times, Rachel shook her off.

"I do it!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I do it!"

"Okay. Be careful."

Stepping back and letting Rachel walk along the bouncy bridge alone was surprisingly nerve wracking for her. And it made her grin slightly as she imagined how much she'll panic when she has to teach her daughter how to drive. And then let her drive. She shudders and shoves that thought away. She has over a decade before she has to deal with that. Shelby held her breath the first time Rachel walked along the bridge by herself, but she managed it. She released her breath and clapped her hands.

"Yay! You did so well!"

Rachel beamed at her and laughed the laugh she has for when she's just so pleased about something that she can't contain it. Shelby loves that laugh more than any other sound in the world.

"I do again!"

"Okay. Go ahead."

Each time Rachel went across the bridge, she went faster. On her fourth time crossing, Rachel broke out into a run. She tripped early on and slid down to the lowest point of the bridge. Shelby's entire body tensed, ready to run to her daughter. Before she could move, Rachel lifted her head to look at her. Her face was slowly morphing between shock and pain. Wanting to prevent hysterical tears, Shelby responded instinctively. She threw her hands up in the air.

"Ta da! Good job!" Shelby watched Rachel's face go back to confusion. Seeing that this could potentially work, the mother pushed on. "Stand up! Put your hands up and go 'ta da'! You did it like a big girl!"

Slowly, Rachel pushed herself up. Shelby let her hands hover near her child in case she lost her balance, but it wasn't necessary. Rachel stood up, put her hands in the air, and shouted "TA DA!" At the top of her lungs.

"Yaaay!" Shelby clapped. She gave a quick grin to the nearby parents who started laughing.

Rachel copied her, clapping her hands and smiling. Then she frowned and looked down at her knee. The skin was red and raw, little droplets of blood beginning to bead along the deepest parts. "Ouch."

"I see that ouch. Do you want to keep playing or go inside and get a bandaid?"

Rachel's little head tilts to the side as she thinks it over. It's one of the many trait of hers that Shelby finds adorable. "Pway."

"Okay. Keep playing."

She lifts Rachel off the bridge and guides her over to a play area that Shelby deems safer. While watching her play, another woman steps up beside her.

"That was very clever. The whole 'ta da' thing."

Shelby laughs. "I panicked. It was the first thing I could think of."

"Well it worked. I might just steal that idea from you."

"Go for it."

Ten minutes later, Shelby carried Rachel inside. She sets the girl down on the bathroom counter and pulls out the hydrogen peroxide to clean her scrape.

"Alright, baby girl. We need to clean this boo-boo."

"Why?"

"It's dirty. If we don't clean it, it's going to get infected and it'll hurt really, really bad."

"We cwean it?"

"Yup. We'll clean it." She hesitates, but then decides to warn her child. "Honey, listen to Mommy. It's going to sting. It'll hurt a little bit."

Rachel's lip trembles and she covers her scrape. "Nooo!"

"Only a little bit and only for a couple seconds."

"Noooo!"

Shelby kisses her head then lowers herself slightly so she's looking her daughter in the eye. "Rachel, I won't let it hurt bad or for long. I promise. Mommy will do it fast."

Rachel thinks that over. "Fas?"

"Fast. Like that." She snaps her fingers. When Rachel loosens her hold on her knee and her expression loses some of it's anxiety, she adds on the final piece. "And, if you handle it like a big girl, we can have ice cream after."

"Okay."

Shelby holds back a chuckle at the immediate agreement she got. Well, Hiram said she loves ice cream. Now Shelby is seeing how true that is. She gently turns Rachel and scoots her over so that her leg is over the sink. She pours the hydrogen peroxide over the scrape and watches it bubble up. Shelby expected Rachel to cry and squirm. She wasn't expecting what actually happened. Her three year old sucked in a breath and immediately scrambled away from her. She crammed herself into the corner of the counter and curled into a ball, wrapping her arms around her legs and burying her face. Shelby freezes. For reasons she can't explain, her heart started thudding wildly in her chest. She doesn't like that reaction. She's not sure why, but something about it sets her on edge. Shaking it off, she moves closer to her daughter. Since she's not touching her scrape, Shelby has access to it. She blows a gentle stream of cool air onto the stinging scrape. Rachel lifts her head and watches her. The wariness in her eyes adds to Shelby's disquiet. She does it again.

"You know what makes it feel better than cool air? Cool water." She points to the sink. "I had your leg over the sink so that after I poured the hydrogen peroxide, I could turn on the faucet and let cool water wash it off. It'll make it feel better faster." Rachel is still staring at her. "Does it still hurt?"

"No." The response is whispered.

"Good. Baby girl, Mommy is very sorry, but we have to do that one more time, okay? It's to make you better. So the scrape goes away faster and doesn't hurt you."

Rachel's lip trembles. "Peas?"

Shelby gently pulls Rachel out of the corner and into her arms. She rocks her and kisses her head. "Mommy doesn't want you to be in pain. But to make you better, we need to clean the scrape. Just one more time, then we'll be done and have ice cream. Okay?" Rachel rests her head on her shoulder. Shelby watches her little face in the mirror. She doesn't like how serious Rachel looks. "You let Mommy know when you're ready."

She stands in the bathroom cuddling her daughter for several minutes. She hums softly, waiting patiently. When Rachel tries putting her thumb in her mouth, Shelby gently tugs it out. Eventually, Rachel lifts her head.

"Are you ready?"

Getting a reluctant nod, she sets the toddler down on the counter again. She turns her so her leg is over the sink. Seeing Rachel tense up when she picks up the brown bottle, Shelby pauses.

"It'll be fast. And honey, it's okay to cry." Her original plan was to do this with minimal tears. However, her reaction the first time was so bizarre and disquieting that Shelby would rather her cry. It seems like a healthier response than whatever the hell that was.

"I cry?"

"Yeah. You can cry if you need to. It's okay."

Rachel's eyes are big and solemn. "Mommy? You hold me?"

Her heart melts. "I will hold you for as long as you want, baby. I promise." Rachel slowly nods, her lip trembling. "You're being very brave, Rachel. I'm very proud of you. I love you."

The mother wraps an arm around her daughter, pulling her against her chest. Rachel buries her face in her neck. Shelby pours the hydrogen peroxide onto the scrape, but quickly sets the bottle down so she can wrap both arms around her. Rachel starts crying and squirming. Even though it's necessary, hearing her child crying and knowing it's sort of her fault makes her stomach clench. She turns on the faucet and lets cool water wash off the peroxide. While that's happening, she gives Rachel plenty of hugs and kisses. She shuts off the water.

"All done. Good job, Rachel."

"Aw done?"

"Done. Do you want a Minnie Mouse bandaid or a Blue's Clues bandaid?"

"Minnie."

Shelby places the Minnie Mouse bandaid on her scrape, then gently kisses it. "All better. Ready for ice cream?"

Rachel nods happily. Despite this, Shelby can still see some uncertainty in her daughter's eyes. She picks the girl up and carries her to the kitchen. Considering how Rachel is clinging to her, she doesn't even try to set her in her toddler chair while gathering the ice cream. In fact, once she has the two bowls on the table, she sits with Rachel on her lap and they eat their ice cream together.

"Did you have fun on the playground?"

"It fun!"

"I'm glad."

As the minutes pass, Rachel relaxes and goes back to her usual cheerful self. Shelby tries to do the same.

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Immediately after greeting and hugging Shelby, her parent's heads swivel around eagerly. Shelby grins knowingly.

"She's napping."

Her mother's eyes water. "Our grand baby."

"Yeah. Look, I know this is all sudden and exciting, but she's a three year old who's already been through a lot of upheaval. Please be calm."

The conversation on the phone went better than expected. She told them about being a surrogate and they were shocked. They weren't happy at first. After telling them she is currently sharing custody of their granddaughter, they quickly softened and asked to meet her.

"I want you two to meet her, that's what I invited you over. But I have no idea how things will go in the future. No matter what, I will fight keep at least some custody of her."

"And we'll help you." Her father said with a determined tone.

"They can't know that yet. They're only just getting comfortable with me taking care of her."

They nod with understanding. The three sit and chat quietly until Rachel wakes up. They discuss Hiram's health and how things are going with Rachel. Shelby beams while sharing stories about Rachel's likes and dislikes, the things she says and does, and any little detail she can think of. Her parents listen with warm smiles. They also discuss Mitch, Shelby's older brother. He lives in Pennsylvania with his wife and kids, so they don't get to see him as often as they'd like. Still, Shelby had called him and told him about his niece. He'd been shocked and thrilled. He'd also been far more understanding of her agreeing to be a surrogate than their parents had been. And he's just as supportive as them now, offering any assistance with making sure she gets to keep custody of Rachel after all is said and done.

"Mommy?" The soft call comes from down the hall.

Her parents perk up, their heads snapping in that direction. Shelby smiles. "Coming!"

As much as she loves tucking Rachel in before bed and watching her sleep, her favorite part is greeting her just after she wakes up. Rachel usually has messy bed hair and creases on one cheek, making her look absolutely adorable. Shelby loves picking her up off the bed and feeling her snuggle right in. No matter how energetic Rachel is upon waking, she always happily snuggles with her mommy for a minute before wanting to get down and run around. It intrigues the mother that Rachel is now in a toddler bed but still won't get out of bed without permission. She waits for Shelby to come get her. The Berrys said it's the same at their house. Rachel will sit on the bed and wait for someone to come get her instead of getting up and leaving the room herself. They're not sure why or how long it'll last, but they're all quite happy about it. Shelby sits in the gliding chair she bought for Rachel's room and cuddles her for an extra moment.

"Remember when I said you'd be meeting your grandparents today?" Rachel nods. Shelby knows she has no basis of understanding for the word 'grandparent' but that'll change after today. "My mom and dad are your grandma and grandpa. They're in the living room waiting to meet you. They're very excited and they love you already. But let's make a nice first impression, huh? Let's brush your hair and put you in clothes that aren't wrinkled, okay?"

"Okay."

It's a minor thing, but Shelby loves taking Rachel clothes shopping. Getting to pick out cute little clothes for her daughter is so much fun. While she was pregnant, she made a point of avoiding baby stores or baby sections of stores. Even for the first year or two after giving birth, she avoided them. It was too painful. A couple minutes later, after getting her dressed into fresh clothes, Shelby is carrying her daughter into the living room to meet her grandparents for the first time. She grins at how excited her parents are.

"Rachel, these are your grandparents. That's your grandma and that's your grandpa."

"Hi, Rachel." Her mother says.

"Hi, pumpkin." Her dad uses the same gentle tone.

"Say hi, Rach."

Rachel watches the other adults with wide eyes. "Hi."

Shelby sets Rachel down on the ground so that she can sit on the recliner. The three year old stands in the living room looking at the three adults and clutches the fabric of her own shirt. Within seconds she dashes towards Shelby and climbs up the chair to be with her. Shelby loves the feeling of being chosen and grasps her daughter under her arms, lifting her the rest of the way up onto her lap. They sit and talk, trying to pull Rachel into a conversation. Once her dad pulls out a little building block set they brought, Rachel agrees to slide off of the chair with Shelby and play on the floor with him. Shelby and her mom join in after a couple minutes. They play for a while before switching to a different game. The new grandparents stay for dinner, then stay to watch a Disney movie with their girls. They even stay while Shelby puts Rachel to bed and kiss her goodnight as well.

"You come back?" Rachel asks them from her toddler bed.

"We will. We'll be back one day soon. I promise." Shelby's mother leans over and kisses her again.

They leave her bedroom and settle into the living room. Shelby frowns at the weird looks her parents are giving her.

"What?"

"You're a natural mother."

"You're so good with her."

A sort of pride she's never felt before wells up in her. She already believed that to be true, but to hear her parents say it to her gives the feelings more credit. She's a good mother. It's so much better than any praise she got for being a good singer.

"What are you going to do for work? I know you don't have the money to just be a stay at home mom."

Shelby sighs. "I never thought I'd want to be a stay at home mom, but that'd be pretty awesome. You're right, though. I need a job. I need something that pays well but has flexible hours. Jobs like that are so rare and hard to come by."

Her parents share a look, then turn back to her with raised eyebrows.

"What? What's that look for?"

"We're just surprised you haven't come to the same conclusion we have yet."

"What conclusion?" Shelby asks in exasperation.

"Sweetheart, what are you good at?"

"Singing. But those wouldn't be flexible hours and I can't exactly make good money performing in a community theater."

"No, we never thought you could."

"What else could you do with your vocal skills?"

Shelby shakes her head. "I'm too tired to figure this out. Just tell me how me having good singing skills can help me make money."

Their lips twitch. "Have you considered being a voice teacher?"

For several long moments, Shelby stares at them blankly. Then she leans forward and presses her face into her hands. "I can't believe I didn't think of that."

"You've had a lot on your plate recently. And a lot of major changes in a very short time. It's understandable."

"We still reserve the right to tease you about it, though." Her dad says with a grin.

"Just don't tell Mitch." She grumbles. Her brother would never stop teasing her about it if he knew.

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It was a slow start, but she printed flyers to hang around town and put out advertisements in newspapers and online. She got a few at first. Then a few more. She was able to schedule the lessons on the days she didn't have Rachel. She was also able to reschedule on the days she had to go pick Rachel up unexpectedly. She decided her first ten clients would get the lower price for her expertise, but those who signed up after that would have to pay more.

Months went by. Hiram's health continued to go through phases of ups and downs. Rachel still spent time with all three of her parents, but it honestly became less structured. Instead of spending two days with her mother and then two days with her fathers, Rachel started living with Shelby most of the time and then staying with her fathers most weekends and the occasional longer stay when they were able to focus on her instead of Hiram's health. The little girl seemed happy enough with the arrangement. She went from parent to parent happily, never fussing over leaving or going.

Akron is a much nicer, richer, area than Lima. Shelby made an appointment with the director of Carmel High's show choir. First, she demonstrated her singing skills for the man, who was blown away. Then, she described how she could help his students improve their singing by coming to her for private lessons. He agreed to speak with his students and their parents. Which is how she became the private voice instructor for Vocal Adrenaline. The wealthy parents had no problem shelling out the cash to give their children a leg up on the competition. The money rolled in and Shelby found she truly enjoyed working with the kids and helping them improve their singing. She could even hold lessons while Rachel was home with her, since that was happening more and more often. Rachel would either watch a movie, play quietly on her own, or sit in on the lessons and just listen…..or try to join in, which the kids always found really cute. Of course Shelby found it cute as well, but she also listened with a critical ear. Perhaps she's being biased as the girl's mother, but she swears she's a good singer for a three year old. And the girl clearly loves singing.

Mother and daughter are very close. Shelby adores her daughter and it is very obvious to all that Rachel adores her mother. The duo love singing around the apartment together. The first time Rachel woke up during the night with a fever, Shelby had been watching Funny Girl. Shelby gave her daughter medicine, then snuggled on the couch with her while continuing the musical, assuming the sick girl would be back to sleep in no time. Instead, the girl watched the movie with rapt attention. The next day, she asked to see it again. Curious, Shelby showed her another non-Disney musical. Then another. The girl was riveted through each of them. She became obsessed with musicals. Shelby would hear her humming the tunes while playing with her toys.

December rolls around and the three parents celebrate Rachel's fourth birthday together. She asks the fathers for permission to take Rachel to New York to see a musical. She hates that she needs permission, but they do hold majority of custody. And if she takes the girl out of the state without discussing it with them, they could claim she's kidnapping her. So she swallows her pride and irritation and asks. They're reluctant. They don't want their child in a different state than them. After reminding them it'd only be for two nights (so they can do other fun sight seeing things together), they agreed. She takes Rachel to see The Lion King on Broadway. Through the entire show, Rachel always had one of two looks on her face; awe or joy. Shelby spent a good chunk of the show watching Rachel's reactions instead of the actual performance. Wandering around New York City with her daughter feels different than wandering around by herself. She misses it. She really wishes she could live here with her daughter. She could do it. She could be a single mother, raising her daughter, and performing on Broadway. She's sure of it. It'd be tough but doable. With some regret, their trip comes to an end and they return to Ohio and the life they've gotten used to.

The holidays are so much more fun with her child around. Buying her presents, watching her open those presents, singing holiday songs, bringing her to family gatherings…everything about the holidays is better as a mother. It's thrilling. Life in general is better now that she has her baby in her life. It's challenging at times, but still better. It's worth the tantrums, the messes, the whining, and the extra stress. Of course, it's less fun when she's alone in her apartment and scrubbing juice stains out of her carpet on a Friday night.

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Shelby rolls over in bed when she hears a sound. The soft patter of feet on carpeting. She blinks her eyes open and listens carefully. Sure enough, the sound comes again, coming closer. Turning her head, she finds her daughter peeking at her from her open bedroom door. The little girl is sucking her thumb, her free hand holding the door jam.

"Good morning, baby." Shelby says in surprise. This is the first time Rachel has gotten out of bed on her own. She's allowed to, but hasn't yet. This is the first. And it's early. Shelby hasn't even gotten up yet. The girl doesn't move. She watches Shelby curiously. "Wanna join me in bed?"

A little smile appears around her thumb. Rachel runs to the bed and holds up her hands. Shelby pulls her up and into a cuddle. The mother isn't sure what to say or ask. She wants to know what changed, but doesn't want to make her think she's in trouble. Rachel has a habit of assuming she's in trouble for little things. Leroy said he sees the same trait in her at his house but wouldn't share his opinion of why she does that. He'd just shrugged and said she'll grow out of it. Shelby tugs Rachel's hand away from her mouth.

"Don't suck your thumb, baby. It's gross."

Rachel pouts, making her chuckle. She kisses her forehead and sings "You Are My Sunshine" to her. That gets the girl smiling again.

"I'm so proud of you for getting out of bed on your own! You're getting to be such a big girl!"

"Ta da!" Rachel says with sparkling eyes, her hands going up. Shelby laughs and hugs her.

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The next morning, Shelby was up first. She waited to see what would happen. She's sipping coffee in the living room when little feet patter down the hall. She sets her coffee down. Rachel comes running into the living room and throws her hands straight up in the air.

"Ta da!"

Chuckling, Shelby copies her. "Ta da! Good job!"

Giggling, Rachel runs and jumps on the couch. Shelby sighs, finding it adorable but knowing she's going to miss picking her up out of bed in the mornings. At least Rachel still has bed head and creases on her face. She's still getting the adorable "just woke up" experience, just without lifting her out of bed.

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In the spring of that year, Hiram takes a turn for the worse. He's stage four and terminal. They give him weeks to live. He clung on for as long as he could but he just doesn't have the strength to keep fighting. Hiram asked to speak to Shelby privately. Leroy took Rachel to see a new kids movie that just came out. Shelby settles into a seat beside Hiram's bed. She's gotten used to this, as sad as it is. It's been about a year since she moved back to Ohio and while her primary focus and reason for being here was to raise Rachel, she also spent time with the Berry men. They're family. Watching a family member struggle has been hard. But she's used to seeing him sick. She's not used to seeing him look this weak, though. It hurts. Regardless of anything else, Hiram Berry is a good man and knowing he won't be around much longer is very sad. Knowing her daughter is about to lose one of her parents is also upsetting. This is going to be hard on all of them, but Leroy most of all. She keeps this in mind and focuses on being strong and positive. She takes his hand in hers.

"How're you feeling today?"

"Like death warmed over." He responds with a wry grin. His voice is raspy from near constant coughing. He's always on some sort of supplemental oxygen. At the moment, it's a nasal cannula.

She smiles back, though sadly. "Why'd you want to speak to me alone? And go so far as to ask Leroy to take Rachel out for a while?"

"I didn't…want either of them…..to overhear."

That sets Shelby on edge. She sits up straighter. "Why?"

He slowly shakes his head and ignores her question. He coughs and needs a minute to get his breath back so he can keep talking. "You're an amazing mother. Seeing you…with her…..we both see it. She adores you."

Shelby smiles. "And I adore her."

"Obviously." He chuckles. "Shel, once again, I need….to apologize. For the contract. We had our reasons. We didn't want…..to lose Rachel. But we should have….handled it differently. Without cutting you out entirely. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

"No you don't." He whispers hoarsely. He's smiling but his eyes are sad.

She clears her throat and swallows hard. Thinking it over, she decides honesty is the best policy. "Fine. I don't. Yet. But I will once I have signed papers giving me more custody of Rachel. I'm not walking away. I'm not giving her up. I'm not just going to visit or have her visit me once in a while. That's not enough. I'm not just her mother anymore. I'm her mom. Her mommy. And I'll never stop."

His smile grows even as tears form in his eyes. "Good. I'm…..I'm telling Le…..that I think he should…split custody with you. Either…..50/50 or 40/60, with you the primary caregiver."

Shelby rears back in shock. "Really? Why?"

Hiram closes his eyes and the muscles around his mouth tense. She fears for him for a moment before realizing he's not in physical pain. He's in emotional pain. She squeezes his hand and gives him all the time he needs to gather himself.

"Leroy loves her. So much."

"I know."

"He's a good dad."

"I know." Shelby promises. She's worried that Hiram is trying to convince her not to take full custody, which she's still toying with.

"But….he's been….so stressed." Hiram sighs. "I know…it's mostly because of…my health." He looks at her oddly then. "Have you…..noticed…..how she reacts….around Leroy…..when he gets loud or angry?"

She had. But she also saw how Rachel reacts when Hiram starts coughing loudly. She slaps her hands over her ears and tries to block it out. Lately, she's been running to Shelby anytime she's around when Hiram coughs. She still covers her own ears, but she buries her face in Shelby's neck and the mother does her best to calmly comfort her. When she'd get quiet, or tense up, or try to get out of sight when Leroy gets loud for any reason, she assumed it was related. Then again…..the memory of the first time Rachel skinned her knee with her comes to mind. The weird way she got quiet and tried to hide away, curling up in the corner to protect herself. Her stomach sinks. Hiram looks more serious than she has ever seen him look. Even more so than the day he handed her the contract to sign.

"He hit her."

Her stomach bottoms out and an uncomfortable feeling builds within her. Horror and fury. "What?"

"He was….stressed…..dealing with…..both of us…on his own." Hiram explains grimly. "It was…..no excuse. She was throwing a…a tantrum." Shelby has dealt with several tantrums from the toddler, but not as many as she thought she would. Still, she knows how frustrating they can be to deal with. "He smacked her." Shelby clenches her eyes shut and takes in a shuddering breath. "And that…..that is when…I demanded that Le…..call you."

She wipes away tears of anger. "Why are you telling me this now? I'm glad to know, but this means—"

"I know what…it means. You'll….fight…..for full custody."

"Then why tell me?"

Tears stream down his face. "I don't want you to….But at the same time…I do. He's my husband. He's a good man. He's a good father. But he's quick…..to anger. I…I truly…..believe….that it was….a one time….thing. Without…..the stress….of my health…..weighing on him….he'll be calmer. More put together. He'd never….intentionally….hurt her."

"But he did." Shelby says darkly.

"He did. But he told me…..immediately. He never….tired to hide or….or excuse it. Please….don't take her…from him. He's losing me. It will break him…I know this. But….once his grief…..settles…he can go back…to being a good….father. Please, Shel. Don't…..don't take her away….completely. Share custody. But…..just in case…..keep an eye out…..for the slim…possibility."

Shelby stands and looks out the window with her arms crossed over her chest. She sucks in ragged breath after ragged breath until she can breathe normally. Only then does she turn back to face him. "You told me he hit his toddler because he was stressed. That's what led to me being brought in to help raise her. Now you don't want me to take full custody?"

"I want what's…..best….for Rachel. Which is not….losing both of her fathers. But I also…..want what's….best….for Leroy. Leroy will….fall apart….losing me…..for a while, at least. But losing us both…will kill him."

"At the risk of Rachel's physical and emotional well being?" She snaps.

Hiram cringes and looks away. "I don't….know what to do."

"You give me full custody."

His face crumbles. "It'd destroy him."

"It'd protect your daughter." She responds fiercely.

They both take a moment to cool down and regain their composures. Hiram speaks first after the brief pause. "I'm protecting her…..by telling Leroy…..to share custody with you. I just…..need you…to share custody….and keep an eye out for….something that'll…probably never happen again."

Shelby clenches her hands together and presses them against her lips, thinking hard. This is bad. It's at the point that she wants to rush to the theater and check on Rachel right now. She closes her eyes and thinks back over everything Hiram revealed today and everything she knows about the Berry men and Rachel leading up to today. They were a small but loving and happy family of three. They doted on their baby girl. Shelby has been shown the proof in photos, videos, and stories. As much as it hurt, she knew the men had been raising her daughter well. And then Hiram got sick. Leroy suddenly had to care for a toddler and his sick husband while also working to provide for them. It's stressful on anyone. He became too stressed and overwhelmed and after his three year old threw a tantrum he smacked her. It was wrong. Very wrong. However, Hiram was correct. Leroy didn't try to hide it or deny it. And he agreed to calling in Shelby for support because it was what was best for Rachel and literally no other reason. That does ease some of her anger and fear. Not all, but enough that she no longer feels the need to track them down at the moment. As long as Leroy agrees to sharing custody equally or giving her more custody than him, she thinks it'll be okay. She knows now what to be on the lookout for. She'll speak with a psychologist to discuss how to talk to Rachel about it. She wants Rachel to learn early on what parents should and shouldn't do, as well as how to tell someone if she thinks something happened that's not okay. All of this together should be okay. She desperately hopes, at least.

"Okay. I'll agree to splitting custody. But I'm going to have a psychologist work with Rachel or with me so that we can teach Rachel to understand when she needs to tell me about what goes on with her dad. Or anyone else."

"I agree."

"And if I ever even suspect that he puts his hands on her in anger again, I will sue for full custody."

Hiram shakes his head. "That won't….be necessary."

"Did you ever think this conversation would be necessary?" She asks pointedly.

"Fair point. Fine. In that case….I'd be in full….support of you….taking full custody."

"Good. Will you please tell Leroy this?"

From the look on his face, she knows he'll do it even though he clearly doesn't want to. "I will. For Rachel."

With that out of the way, the two talk casually and more warmly until Leroy and Rachel return. Rachel runs into the room and immediately jumps into Shelby's arms. The mother catches her with a laugh and kisses her all over, hugging her tight. She surreptitiously looks her over for anything that could indicate force was used. There's none. She sets Rachel down on the bed and the girl carefully crawls over to her daddy. She gently kisses his cheek, turns her head so he can kiss hers, then snuggles into him. Shelby turns to Leroy. The man looks back at her with a smile. However, that smile falls when he sees the cold look she's giving him. He jerks his head towards the door. She follows him.

"He told you."

"He did."

"It was a one time—"

"I don't give a shit. You slapped her. You will never do that again." It takes great effort to bite off the rest of her words. Or you will never see her again, you fucking bastard. From her conversation with Hiram and his reaction to things in the past, she's positive it would set him on edge and risk him refusing to split custody out of fear of losing her entirely.

"It won't. I swear."

If nothing else, he sounds sincere and confident. His eyes hold a deep regret. Perhaps he's telling the truth. As much as she hates it, it's a risk she's going to have to take.

"Good."

She spins around and returns to the room. She says her goodbye to Hiram, taking his hand and gently kissing his cheek. Then she hugs Rachel tight and kisses her cheek.

"I'll see you on Monday, my little ray of sunshine. Mommy loves you."

"Wuv you, Mommy."

Shelby's mind is in overdrive the whole drive home. She finds a lawyer and schedules an appointment for the following week. She'll keep her promise to Hiram. But like hell is she going to sit back and not make sure she has a backup plan in place in case Leroy throws her a curveball. She will protect Rachel no matter what.

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Leroy spent the funeral holding Rachel on his lap. Shelby sat beside him, trying to comfort both of them. The grieving man had decided to defy his religion and have an open casket, wanting to gaze upon his husband one last time. He regretted that after his daughter's reaction. When it was time to go up to the casket and say their final goodbyes, Leroy carried her up there. Seeing her daddy in the casket caused Rachel to melt down. She started crying and squirming to get out of Leroy's hold, trying to get away from the upsetting sight in front of her. Startled and hurting, Leroy set her down. Rachel ran straight to Shelby and sobbed her little heart out. Shelby will never forget the look on Leroy's face while watching Rachel run to Shelby for comfort. She made a mental note to discuss with Leroy how of course Rachel went to her. It wasn't personal. Leroy was the one bringing her to see her dead daddy. If Shelby had been the one to first carry Rachel up there, she's sure the girl would have gone running to Leroy for comfort. She was just going to the parent who wasn't putting her in that scary and uncomfortable position. Shelby carried her out of the room and calmed her down. It took carefully wording things to get Rachel to understand that this is her last chance to say goodbye to her daddy. Not wanting to hurt Leroy more, she also insisted it'd be best if she went with her dada. Back in the room, she set Rachel down. The little girl walked over to Leroy and took his hand. Smiling sadly, Leroy led her slowly up to the casket once more. He picked her up so she could see into it, seeing her daddy one last time. She clung to Leroy, her little body curling into him for comfort. Slowly, Leroy leaned them over the open casket.

"Bye-bye, Daddy." Rachel whispered. "Wuv you."

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Leroy didn't want to be parted from Rachel that night. He didn't want to be alone. Shelby sympathized and understood. However, she refused to leave Rachel alone in his care that night. She used the fact that he's too emotional and deserves time to properly grieve. They compromised. Shelby stayed over at the house with them. She spent the night comforting both of them, but also gave them time alone. Rachel may not be old enough to grieve the same way as adults, but she was sad and quieter than usual, grieving in her own childish way. The next day, Shelby agreed to leave the two of them alone together for a while, but made it clear she'd be back that night. When she arrived, Rachel was asleep and Leroy was sipping whiskey. She frowned. He saw her look and glared.

"I think I'm entitled."

"You are. But not when you're the sole caregiver to a small child."

"Well luckily, I'm not." He responds with attitude, sloppily gesturing to her.

She blinks and takes a step back, taking in the scene with a more critical eye. The bottle is nearly empty. Her stomach flips. "You're drunk."

"I'm grieving! I lost my husband! The love of my life!"

"Stop shouting. You'll wake Rachel."

This his credit, he does. "Sorry. You're right."

She shakes her head in disgust. Yes, he's grieving. But he's the only adult home with a small child. He should not be getting drunk.

"I'm taking her home with me."

He whips around, his eyes wide and desperate. "No. Please."

"Leroy, you're drunk. You need time to grieve, but this isn't healthy. And it's not safe for Rachel. I suggest you ease up on the liquor and go to grief counseling. In the meantime, I will take Rachel home. Of course I'll bring her back over…..for visits. When you're sober and calmer."

"She's sleeping. Come back in the morning." He pleads.

"I'll give you two choices. I can carry her out while she's sleeping and take her home and bring her back for you to visit with her tomorrow or I can wake her and you can say goodbye and tell her you'll see her tomorrow."

He holds a hand out towards her, as if to physically stop her. As if he'd be able to stop her from protecting her daughter. "Hold on, we can just—"

"Three choices." She cuts him off. Because he didn't instantly agree to one of those, she feels she's left with no choice but to make it clear how serious she is. "Choice three is I call the police to assist me with taking her out of this house."

He freezes. His hand falls. Then the tears do. He slumps down onto the couch. "Take her."

"Sober up, Leroy. Then go to bed."

She hurries upstairs and inspects her daughter. There's no mark on her and she's sleeping peacefully. She releases a shaky breath of relief. Carefully, she slips her hands under the four year old and lifts her. Thankfully it's warm out so she doesn't have to worry about putting a coat on her or wrapping her in a blanket. She sends a silent prayer heavenward, thanking Hiram for warning her of this possibility. She takes her baby girl home.

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Rachel, being four and still have two loving parents, bounces back quickly. She still sometimes asks about her daddy before being reminded that he's gone. Or she'll randomly say she misses him. Otherwise, she's a normal four year old and doing well. Leroy isn't. Shelby waited a month before bringing up custody arrangements. Rachel's grandparents watch her at Shelby's apartment while she heads to Leroy's house to work everything out.

"60/40. That's my final offer." Shelby says calmly, sliding the paper across the table to him.

"Your final offer? You don't get to—"

"But I do. The moment you chose to get drunk alone while your four year old slept upstairs, you gave me the right to take over. And since I know you hit her once, you're lucky I'm not pushing for sole custody. Sign the agreement I had my lawyer draft."

"You had this ready ahead of time." He accuses.

"No. I had a different one drawn up ahead of time. 50/50." Shelby lies. "After seeing how you have, or haven't, dealt with Hiram's death, I went back and asked him to change it to 60/40. If that's not good enough for you, get your own lawyer to draft a rebuttal. Mine has already drawn up a request for sole custody for me. You know I'd win. I won't have him file it as long as you agree to this one."

"This is what you wanted from the start." He mutters.

Anger flares in her chest. "From the start? I would have been satisfied with getting to visit once in a while. I would have been happy for my daughter to grow up knowing she lives with the daddies who love her year round, but her mommy loves her just as much and is happy to get to visit with her a couple times a year. I just wanted to know her and be involved in her life to some extent. Instead I was cut off. Hiram already apologized to me for it, admitting you two were wrong and should have handled it differently. Le, I'm not taking her away from you. I want her to get to live with you and grow up with her dad in her life, knowing how much he loves her. But also live with me and grow up knowing how much I love her. This is how we do that. This is how she gets both of us. This is what's best for Rachel."

"You get more."

"I'm her mother. I'm also not the one heavily grieving. I could have full custody. I'm offering you 40%."

He taps the pen on the table. "How will this work? What is your plan?"

"We can work that out together."

"I need to know how often I'm going to see my daughter before I sign this."

"I want to move back to New York. With Rachel."

"You said you weren't taking her away!"

"I'm not. Even if I stayed here, when it's my time with her she'd be with me. Whether that's here or New York doesn't change anything."

Realizing that's a relevant point, Leroy nods. "Alright. You move back to New York. When Rachel's with you, she's in New York with you. When it's her time with me, she'll be here in Ohio with me."

"We can alternate picking her up and dropping her off."

"Fine."

"Right now, she's four. No matter who she's with, she'll be in daycare for the next year. I suggest two months with me, one month with you."

Leroy does the math in his head. "That gives you 66% of her time. Not 60."

"I wasn't including holidays. I think, at least for the first year, holidays should be spent together, here in Ohio." Leroy looks surprised. "I want what's best for Rachel. Getting her used to these changes will take time but I think it'll be easier if we spend time together as well, and when better than holidays? Besides, this way you're not spending holidays alone the first year after losing Hiram. After the first year, we can discuss it again. We can either continue spending holidays together or alternate."

He swallows hard. "Thank you, Shelby."

She nods. He signs the paper and some of Shelby's tension slips away. Her daughter is hers and will remain with her majority of the time.

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Leaving Rachel in Ohio was hard. Saying goodbye to her was hard. Realizing Rachel couldn't say "goodbye" because she attributed that to never seeing someone again was heartbreaking. Instead, they said "see you later, alligator". Since Rachel still struggles with words with "L", it's adorable to hear her stumble over the word. The actual move was easy. Shelby made good money as a vocal coach in Ohio. If she weren't still dreaming of the stage, she'd be happy to stay in Ohio. Perhaps after she's done performing, she and Rachel can settle back in Ohio. If she's ever done with the stage. She returned to New York alone. It hurt, but knowing she'll see Rachel in a month helps ease that ache. Besides, she needs the time to get moved into her new apartment, find a daycare for Rachel, and find a job for herself. She reaches out to her old director and coworkers to see if any of them are aware of upcoming roles. There's one. She auditions. It's her best audition ever because for the first time, she can put her full heart into it. She gets the role. Leroy is kind. He calls her every couple days and has Rachel talk to her on the phone.

A month later, Leroy brings Rachel to New York. Rachel ran to Shelby crying "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" then promptly burst into tears. Shelby cried too, cuddling her little girl.

"I missed you so much!"

"I miss you, Mommy! Wike I miss Daddy!"

Shelby pulls back and looks her in the eye. "This is not like missing Daddy, honey. I know it's very sad that Daddy is gone. But I'm not gone, I promise. Mommy's right here, in New York. You spent time with Dada, right?" The little girl nods. Since she's calmer, Shelby dries her tears. "Now you'll spend time with me and Dada will go home. In a little while, I'll bring you back to Ohio and you'll spend time with Dada again."

The parents know this is going over her head. It's too hard for a four year old to grasp. But she understands enough to know she'll always be with one parent, then she'll go to the other. Neither will be gone like Daddy. Leroy spends the night in her apartment and teases her over how many pictures of Rachel she already has on her wall. Shelby shrugs.

"I missed her. Are you really going to sit there and tell me you're not going to stare at photos of her for the next two months?"

Leroy looks down. "It's going to be hard, isn't it?"

"One month was hard. I'm sure two months will be even harder."

"Any chance of renegotiating our agreement?"

"No." She says firmly, but kindly and with a smile. "But you can come visit if you need to."

"Thank you, Shel."

The next morning, Leroy says his goodbye to his daughter, making it clear that she can call him any time. He tells her how much he loves her and that he'll miss her, but that he'll see her again soon. She hugs him tight.

"See you w-ater awa-ga-ter." The fact that Rachel still struggles to say the word alligator makes the parents smile at its cuteness.

"I'll see you soon, my little snuggle bug."

He leaves and Shelby does her best to distract Rachel for the rest of the day. It works. She does the same thing for Leroy that he did for her; regular phone calls. It helps.

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The small family settles into a routine. Rachel, with the loving support of two parents, flourishes. Rachel is in daycare while Shelby (or Leroy while she's in Ohio) works. Shelby takes her to dance lessons. When she's in Ohio, Leroy takes her to gymnastics. They spend Rachel's birthday and holidays together. They're all happy.

Mostly.

As the months go by, the parents find that transporting Rachel between states is exhausting. Both parents find being without their daughter difficult. Rachel always misses the parent she's not with. However, it's not said aloud but understood that she misses Shelby more than she misses Leroy. It grates on him. But he never says a word. He puts Rachel first, just as he promised his dying husband he would.

It always amazes him to see his child's growth as time goes by. Of course, it's different now. Now, he goes months without seeing her. He swears every time he sees her she's a little bigger, a little older looking, and a little less baby-ish. She learns to pronounce words with L. She starts sometimes calling him "Dad" instead of "Dada". The first time she did that, he did a double take and swore his heart wrenched. He'd sighed, feeling a little morose that she's already losing the baby talk. He'll miss it.

Leroy continues to grieve for his husband. That ache in his heart will never go away. The first year is the worst. He hates to admit it, but if he had to take care of Rachel full time after losing Hiram, he'd be doing a terrible job. As much as he misses her while she's away, he needs the time without her. However, by the end of each two months, he's anxious to get his kid back. Two months is too long. His irritation grows, but he keeps it in check.

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A/N: DON'T SKIP, YOU NEED TO VOTE! Okay, this story is mostly written. Mostly. I don't have the ending written yet, but I know what it'll be no matter what the result of the vote is. Here's where I need YOUR help before posting the next chapter: how dramatic? I had originally planned to keep it fairly light, since I know that some of those who requested this wanted something lighter and happier (I'm assuming, anyway). However, me being me, writing in my usual fashion, found myself making PARTS of it darker than I originally planned. It just...flowed. It worked. I like it. I think it's good. But I know not everyone loves heavy drama. NOT all of it is heavy drama, I swear. Just...certain parts. So here's where I need your help. You, as the readers, get to vote. Option 1: I post the story I've already written as is and just focus on finishing it. Drama and sweetness combined. Option 2: I take the time to rewrite it with the drama toned down. Let me know what you want so I can start posting/rewriting. If you'd rather your vote be private, just send me a PM.