Enjoy!

Song Inspiration: The Vow by RuthAnne

How the Hell Did We Get Here?

It was never supposed to be like this, he was never supposed to be standing up here with someone else and I was never supposed to be standing beside him as his best man. This… place… this ballroom was never supposed to look like this and I wasn't supposed to be faking a smile.

Not on a day like this, not on a day where people from all over came to witness the wedding of two loving people. A wedding that apparently had no budget, I knew this for a fact because as best man it was my job to help plan it or that's what his fiance said. I shifted, my feet burning because I let someone else pick out my shoes.

I hated this.

The white peonies, white gardenias and white hydrangeas. So much fucking white.

White rose petals perfectly placed on the floor leading to the altar, white drapery and white candles. This was her idea, she wanted it to feel 'pure' and airy.

What the fuck is airy?

"... the rings." The officiant repeated, snapping me back to reality. I looked and saw him looking at me with a concerned look.

Just breathe through it.

I smiled, reaching into my pocket and taking out the small valor box. I looked at it, hesitating before handing it to him.

"Thanks MJ." He said and I just nodded, trying to make sure my face didn't show my heartbreak.

"With this ring…"

I need a drink.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now kiss your bride."

There was a flash, cheering and I blinked and before I knew it, we were at the reception and I was on drink… seven no eight. It was also time for me to give my speech which was somewhere… I was fucked.

"And now for the best man!" Mike shouted into the mic. I downed my champagne, standing and smoothing down my dress.

I smiled, walking… somewhat stumbling over to the stand. "Hi! I'm Mercedes and I am the best man… well woman!" I said giggling.

I looked around at the room full of people before landing on them, they were picture perfect and I knew I wouldn't have fit in that frame. I could feel hot tears burning in the back of my eyes and knew it was time to rush through this so I could escape back to my happy place.

Seventeen hundred miles away from them, from anyone…

"Imagine my family's surprise when I told them that the kid next door that they watched grow up asked me to be his best man. If memory serves me correctly, my mother cried." I said, stopping to allow them to laugh. "She cried because her baby was going to be the last person in the neighbor unmarried. She clearly knows how to make a girl feel good about herself."

The guest laughed and I shifted. "No but I've known Sam since we were four and was extremely honored when he picked me out of his sea of friends to stand beside him while he takes this big step." I looked at him and could see he was genuinely happy.

I hate this so much.

"Sam, I can't put into words how happy I am for you. I know that Penny has made you happier everyday since you met and I want to thank you, Penny, for treating him so well. I just hope you know there's no refunds, you got him now you gotta keep him."

Sam and Penny shared a laugh before looking lovingly at each other and I damn near vomited.

Time for the big finish.

"As best man, I know I am meant to keep saying great things about the two of you but I want to give some advice from the forever single friend, ha! I learned from my parents to never go to bed angry at each other, I learned from Sam's parents to always say I love you even when it's hard and I learned from Sam to always seek the light. So, whenever you're mad, say I love you and always try to find the light in everything. I love you very much Sam and I'm very happy for you. Cheers!"

"Cheers!" Everyone shouted, followed by the clinking of glasses.

I stood there for a moment before realizing I couldn't breathe any longer, it was too much. Standing here lying to everyone about me being happy for Sam when I knew deep down I wasn't.

I couldn't be, even if I tried because he married someone that wasn't me. He went off and found love with someone other than me and the only thing that kept playing in my head was 'I have always been right here.'

"No." I slurred aloud. "You are not going down that rabbit hole." The ballroom was bigger than I remembered and I wasn't entirely sure where I was going but the further I walked, the less I could hear the celebrations and the better my lungs worked.

I turned down another corridor before hearing footsteps. They matched the sound of my clacking heels then they started to increase. Admittedly, in my alcohol induced state, I started to panic because there were well over three thousand people at this 'little' gathering and I only knew like seventy-five of them.

I started to look over my shoulder before remembering what my mother told me.

"If you feel like you're being followed, keep going and don't look back. If you don't acknowledge them, they won't know that you know."

That was Maxine for you, always giving advice about everything but never telling you how to actually handle what to do when you keep walking. My only thought was to confuse them so I turned down another corridor, listening for their footsteps.

I waited a few moments, cursing when I heard the shoes again and quickly walked further down the corridor. I jiggled each door I came by before one of them gave and quickly went in there, looking around I realized I had walked straight into a coat closet.

There was no other way out and only one way in… I was officially trapped. Sinking further into the small room, trying to control my breathing when I heard the handle click.

Scream and windmill. Scream and windmill. Scream and windmill.

The door opened and before I could scream a hand covered my mouth.

"Why the hell are you wandering around half drunk at my wedding?"

I looked up at him wide-eyed. "Whyareyouwa-" he moved his hand, chuckling. "Why are you going around following drunk people?"

He located the light switch and turned it on. "Well when my best man suddenly walks out of my wedding, I think it's warranted. Are you okay?"

I shifted, pretending to pick something off of my dress. "Totally, just too many people."

Sam stepped closer, lifting my chin up. "Mercedes, you're lying. We don't lie to each other."

Sure we do. I've been lying about my feelings for YEARSSSS.

"I'm just overwhelmed." I admitted. It was truthful.

He shifted. "Are you having an attack?"

"No." I replied more harshly than intended. "There really are just too many people. I mean three thousand is a lot right?"

Sam just looked at me before nodding. "Her family's connected, you know that besides it's almost over."

"Then go before they start coming to look for you, it wouldn't look good with the groom and best man walking out of a coat closet." I said hoping it sounded playful.

He frowned. "That's not funny and neither is you running off like that. You could've gotten lost or worse."

"Sorry dad! I'll be more careful next time." I spat, pushing past him and out of the room. I had a history of throwing tantrums but I didn't like how he was speaking to me.

I could hear his footsteps before feeling his hand on my arm. I stopped letting out an exaggerated breath, rolling my eyes before finally looking at him.

"What?"

"Mercedes, why are you doing this?" He asked, turning me so that I was facing him fully. "You never drink like this and… you just seem upset."

I looked at him, knowing the alcohol had already taken over my judgment, stepped closer until I was in his personal space. He looked down at me, those blue green eyes steady and clear. I needed to move away, I needed to run and hide until I could gather my wits but alcohol makes me brave and stupid.

"I am upset… but I'm also so very happy for you because I know you believe you're with the person of your dreams." I slurred and he tilted his head to the side.

"That seems like a backhanded compliment.." he joked.

Always the joker, always seeing the good in everyone. I wasn't good and I knew it.

I frowned, bringing my hands up to his face, gently cupping his cheeks. "It wasn't. I am happy for you." I said before standing on my toes and kissing him. He didn't react at first but I felt him melting, I felt his arm wrap around me as he pulled me tight before kissing me back, it felt so damn good to feel his lips on mine.

What are you doing? You can't ruin his big day being selfish… pull away.

I tried…

I really fucking tried but when he slipped his tongue into my mouth all reason flew out of the window…

Which is why I had to force myself out of his arms, I pushed until he let go and took a few unsteady steps away.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have done that." I said my head was spinning, as was the room.

He ran his hand through his hair, letting out a hard breath. "Fuck."

I placed my hand on my head, to aid the spinning but it did nothing and before I could say anything else I felt my body falling then blackness.

Blinking hurt but my eyes kept doing it until they adjusted to the light around me. "Ugh." I groaned, slowly sitting up.

"You know, drinking like a fish at your best friend's wedding isn't going to have anyone knocking on your door to marry you, right?"

My eyes, though painful, rolled. "Hello mother, what do I owe this honor?"

She stood, coming into view. "You think I want to be at the hospital on my day off?"

"Huh?" I asked, looking around realizing I was in a hospital gown. "What happened?"

Maxine, my glorious mother, sucked her teeth as she gave me her signature look. "Where do I begin, first you run off after giving your speech then you force Sam to come looking for you, only for him to find you passed out in the corridor." She answered, flipping her silky hair off of her shoulders.

"What do you mean he found me?"

Sighing, she grabbed her phone and pulled up her texts. "He texted security and they notified me. It was a huge event and them wheeling the best man out on a damn gurney would have been bad press."

That's when I rolled my eyes again. "It was a wedding not the Met Gala and if it was that big of a damn issue why not leave me there?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "This, that little attitude of yours is why you are single. I told you countless times to go out with Sam but you just had to be prideful."

"Pride- I was not prideful! Why are you even here? If you're only going to make me feel like shit, you can leave."

My mother whipped her head so that we were eye to eye. "You think I don't know the truth? I'm here to do damage control, Sam's wife is connected and if they find out that you, a drunk fool, kissed her husband on the night of his wedding- no during his damn reception you would be buried."

I sat back, fighting the urge to cry and scream. "He told you?"

She huffed. "You were the only one wearing red lipstick, his lips were stained. Who do you think told him to go clean his face?"

"I was drunk, it didn't mean anything…" I lied.

Nodding, she grabbed her purse muttering under her breath. "Make sure it remains that way and do everyone, including yourself a favor and get your shit together. You have so much going on for yourself right now, so much potential don't waste it on some pipe dream."

I looked at her. I could see it all over her face. Her oh so beautifully symmetrical face, hauntingly gorgeous eyes and full lips that were in a harsh line. She knew. She had told me not to accept the role of best man but I, foolishly, believed that I could handle seeing them start their lives.

"Yeah."

She shrugged, tossing my phone onto my lap. "That little witch you call a friend has been calling nonstop." She said, walking away. "Oh and you tell her I said I speak fluent Spanish… the little heifer thinks she can talk shit about me in a different language. Tuh… bye baby, call your daddy."

"Bye moma." I deadpanned, grabbing my phone. I had fifteen missed calls and about thirty text messages. I sifted through my call log seeing my best friend Santana had been a majority of the calls and a few were from other friends but there was only one from Sam.

What the hell was I thinking kissing him? I should have just walked away and I know him well enough to know it's bothering him. "Fuck." I said as my phone rang and it was Sam.

"Hello?" I answered.

"See babe, I told you she'd answer!" I rolled my eyes, it was Penny. "How are you feeling girly? You gave us all a scare."

"I'm okay, sorry about all of that. I'm usually not that heavy of a drinker."

Penny giggled. "I know, that's why I begged Sam to call you. I needed to check up on you and I know it was bothering him."

"Well, no need to worry. I'm all good now… you two go and enjoy that honeymoon of yours."

"Merce." I felt my heart jump and the world start to spin. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I opened my mouth to respond but words seemed like a foreign concept. "Yes." I answered finally and hated how breathy I sounded.

"Great! I want you to get as much rest as possible because when we get back I'd love to hang out!" Penny said and I just nodded like she could see me.

"Sure thing… see you in a few weeks!" I lied before quickly hanging up.

"You're such a bad liar." I heard.

I looked up, seeing my best friend Santana standing there. She was a stealthy thing, hospital doors were loud and she managed to sneak into here without me even knowing. I looked at her, standing with her arms folded against her thin frame. Pitch black hair and dark eyes… judging me in only the way a best friend could.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked.

She knew. She always knew.

"Just far away from here." I answered and she just nodded.

:)