A/n: Recently rewatched the Greatest Showman for the millionth time at a sleepover with my friends and I remembered my love for Carlyle. I also noticed how underrated/ under-appreciated he is by the other characters because he probably gave up everything for the circus even if Barnum was the one to create it. Parallels to Charity are definitely there so I might write a future fic about how their relationship with the tie to being former high society or I might find a way to weasel it into here…

Also, for context, this would be set sometime during Jenny Lind's tour so Barnum is gone and Carlyle is filling in for him. I don't remember the exact chronological order but I'm gonna say this also isn't long after Anne and Philip encounter the Carlyles at the theatre. Idk if the story might stretch on past that but you'd probably be able to keep up by then ;)

"Carlyle! You got mail!" Lettie called from downstairs, distracting Philip from the piles of papers lying on his desk in front of him.

"Just leave it on the table!" He shouted back, scrubbing a hand over his face. He was exhausted. Running the circus alongside P.T. had been tiring enough but now it was all on him, and with the protests getting bigger and bolder each show, as well as the resulting drop in ticket sales not to mention his own personal life falling apart with Anne keeping him at a distance and meeting his parents not long ago at the theatre… it was all starting to get to him.

"There's a real official looking letter from the bank here!"

Well, now that was interesting. It could be nothing, something about the circus that would definitely be a concern but it was in his pile of mail, not Barnum's…

"I'm coming!"

He might as well go down and take a look. He definitely needed a break, at least to just get out of the room for a bit, take a walk and get his head away from the stuffy confines of his office. As he made his way down the stairs, he saw the performers all spread out in the room, some practicing parts of their act and others just sitting and chatting, laughter filling the space.

His shoulders automatically relaxed, and an easy smile came to his face. It always did, seeing this group of outcasts able to enjoy life as much - or more - than anyone else, even though their ringmaster was gone and the circus was getting more hate than any other time. Yet they still smiled and laughed.

He made small talk and checked in with all of the people he passed on his way towards where Lettie was sitting by the table reading a newspaper. He told himself he wasn't disappointed when he didn't see her, because he wasn't looking among everyone to find her. It was his responsibility as fill-in ringmaster to keep an eye on the goings-on of the circus and that was what he was doing. The fact that Anne was nowhere to be seen was only a concern for him because he didn't know where his trapeze artist was. That was all. He knew how she felt about it being anything more.

"Anything interesting in the paper?" He asked Lettie absently as he picked up the stack of letters with his name on it, going through them.

"Only if you count the latest high-society gossip interesting," Lettie snorted.

Philip raised an eyebrow, looking up from his letters.

Lettie sobered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."

Philip smiled. "It's okay. I might have found it interesting not long ago, but I'm not one of them anymore."

It felt weird to say it out loud. Made him think about the fact that if he wasn't high-society anymore, then who was he? He would say he belonged with the circus, but he didn't really. He'd always be different. Never having to deal with the same level of discrimination and hate they faced. Raised differently, in a different life he could always return to. But where did it leave him now?

"There's not much about us this time though," Lettie started, flipping through the pages again. "That old critic is still stuck on Barnum's tour with Miss Jenny Lind, so no one else really bothers with us…"

Her words started to fade into the background as Philip found the bank letter Lettie had been talking about earlier. Right underneath, another more concerning letter caught his attention. He recognised the handwriting on the front before he read the names, blood running cold.

He wasted no time in ripping the letter open, everything else around him irrelevant as his eyes roved over the neat handwriting. His heart dropped to his stomach as he read it again.

"Carlyle?"

He ignored Lettie as he ripped open the bank's letter and looked it over too, swallowing hard.

To Mr. P. Carlyle… writing to inform you… will of Mr. Carlyle… inheritance… sincerely, Bank of New York.

"Carlyle!" Lettie's sharp voice snapped him back into the room, and he blinked. Some of the others around them had stopped to glance over at him, and he offered them a smile - one of the fake, flashy ones he'd learned to use at the galas and parties he used to go to that said "everything's fine" even as his father hissed threats in his ear if he didn't behave.

Charles came over, grinning as usual. "Who died?" He joked, but Carlyle couldn't bring himself to smile, still reeling. Lettie glared at Charles.

"Philip, sit down, you look like you've seen a ghost," Lettie said, reaching out to pull him into one of the chairs beside her but he gently shook her off.

"I'm okay, it's nothing."

"Are you sure we don't have to be worried?" She asked in a low voice, true meaning in her words obvious.

"Yes. It's nothing to do with the circus." It was, but not in the way she was thinking so there was no point worrying her for nothing. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have a pile of work to do."

He turned to leave but Lettie grabbed his hand to stop him. "You sure you're okay?"

No, he wasn't. He wasn't sure what he was. Wait, yes he did. He was the one in charge, so he had to be strong and not let his personal life interfere with his work. "I'll be fine," he smiled, less fake than earlier but still a little forced. The look Lettie gave him told him she knew that, but she let him go anyway.

He fought to not run back up the stairs the second she did, forcing himself to put the smile back on as he walked calmly back to the office and shut the door, letters still in hand.

He'd read them over and over again countless times by now and nothing changed. Not the words, not his confused feelings that didn't know what exactly he should feel, not the fact that he still had stacks and piles of paper and other work waiting for him to deal with still sitting patiently on his desk.

He knew he should just put the letters aside and get back to work, maybe even throw the letters out, but he couldn't bring himself to get up from his chair because every time he did, he felt the urge to reread the words hoping maybe this time it would make more sense.

A knock at the door startled him. It wasn't a loud knock, but he'd been so lost in his thoughts that he'd almost forgotten where he was.

Clearing his throat and attempting to tidy up his messy papers, he called the person inside. "Come in!"

He didn't know who he was expecting really, but seeing Charity Barnum at the door was most definitely not it.

"Charity, hi. When did you… why…?"

Charity just stepped inside and closed the door quietly behind her, smiling warmly at him. "I had some free time so I thought I might visit, see how you're all getting on."

"Are the girls with you?" He asked as he pulled up a chair for her, only for the woman to politely decline, smiling wider at his question.

"They're playing with the performers downstairs. I shouldn't leave them alone for long or I might find one of them hanging from the trapeze and the other on an elephant's back."

He couldn't help his smile as he pictured the energetic girls doing exactly that. "Then I won't keep you for long. Did you need something?"

"No, I just wanted to check up on you." Her smile dropped a little, though she was still warm and welcoming. "Lettie said you got a concerning letter and haven't been seen since. She could tell it had upset you."

He opened his mouth, the usual reassurances that it was nothing to worry about on the tip of his tongue before he reconsidered. Charity was looking at him with so much concern in her kind eyes, and now that he thought of it, if he was to tell anyone she would be the best option. If anyone could understand, it would be her.

He sighed, handing her the letters and sitting down heavily. The exhaustion hit him twofold, not needing to hide it in front of Charity.

"They disinherited me," he mumbled, placing his elbows on the desk and covering his face with his hands. "My parents…." He swallowed, the reality of it even colder now that he said it aloud.

He heard Charity suck in a sharp breath at his words, likely almost finished reading his parents and the bank's words. A few moments later, he heard her place the papers among the others on his desk and soon enough he felt her warm hands rubbing his back.

"I'm so sorry, Philip."

He removed his hands from his face and looked up at her. Her expression was so open, sympathy and sadness in her eyes, for him. It was the way she was he supposed. He's never met anyone as down-to-earth as Charity Barnum and ever since he joined the circus - especially since Barnum left - they'd grown quite close. He considered her… not exactly an older sister, but not a mother either. Something in between, but definitely someone he cared about and trusted completely. He could talk to her and he knew she would listen.

"I mean, I knew it was coming," he started. "A part of me is suprised it took this long," he admitted, laughing bitterly. Now that he'd started talking, he could feel the rest of his scrambled thoughts fight to get out. "They'll find a cousin or something to give the money to instead, since I'm their only son, their only child. I don't even care about the money, not really. I have enough from the plays, and from here to manage. I don't know if I care that they cut me out. I know the only reason they didn't just disown me officially was because people would ask questions and it could ruin them even more."

"But that doesn't stop it from hurting," Charity said softly, not guessing or asking, but knowing. Her other hand wrapped around his shoulder and gently pulled him so he could lean sideways into her. "You don't hate them because they're your parents - "

"But I'd hoped they didn't hate me," Philip finished quietly, hating how small his voice sounded.

"I'm sure they don't truly hate you Philip," Charity reassured.

"It was enough for them to decide I didn't deserve their money. Not that I want it, or need it, but it's less them doing it than why. They saw me at the theatre with Anne. They were mad that I'd joined the circus in the first place, but seeing me with a woman of a different colour was all it took to decide they hated her more than they loved me?"

"Oh, Philip," Charity murmured as she held him tighter, rubbing circles into his back. "I know how it feels. Our parents come from a different world. One where they think the image of their family is more important than the family itself. They spend so much time trying to look like a family that they forget to be a family. But family isn't just who we're related to by blood, Philip. You've been here long enough to know that by now. Your parents may have left you but we won't. You will always have a family in us, if not the whole circus. You know that don't you?"

Philip wiped away the few tears that had slipped out, and smiled up at her.

"Yeah, I know."

"Good."

Philip stood and hugged Charity properly. "Thank you," he whispered.

Charity laughed. "I'm not sure what for, but you're welcome."

"For everything," Philip answered seriously as they separated.

Charity smiled softly. "You don't need to thank us for that. It's what Phineas made this circus for in the first place," she said, squeezing his hand reassuringly before her eyes sparkled mischievously. "Now come on. I know what a man needing a break looks like and I think we've given the girls more than enough time to get up to something."

Philip chuckled softly as he let Charity drag him out of the office and back downstairs where he could hear loud laughter and childish shrieks of joy. Halfway down the stairs, he met Anne's eyes, habit telling him to look away but she hadn't yet so he let his gaze linger. Charity had let go of his hand to go find out what her daughters were up to so Philip was free to slow down and hold Anne's gaze.

They didn't say anything, but Anne's eyes looked him over, searching his face, before she offered a small smile. It wasn't much, but it was enough for him. He smiled too as he finally stepped off the last stair, walking over to join the trapeze artist in watching the Barnum girls run and jump around with some of the performers.

He let his hand drop, not expecting anything, but he couldn't help but hope. His parents had already disinherited him. He didn't have to care about what they thought anymore. They couldn't do much more than downright disown him, but even then, it wouldn't matter. Because Charity was right.

They might have been his parents, but it had been a long time since they were family. He'd found a new family, one that made him happier than he'd ever been and they didn't care what people saw or thought of them. They had each other's backs, cared about one another in a way his parents had proven today that they never had for him.

He felt something brush against his hand and he stiffened but only for a moment. No one was watching with judging eyes here, no one whose opinion he cared about anyway.

Not looking at each other, they slowly intertwined their fingers until they stood with clasped hands as if they did it every day, surrounded by the only family that mattered and even though the letters still lay in his office among piles of work he had yet to do, Philip couldn't dream of anything better.

A/n: Y'all that ending was so hard to… end. But I literally cannot write any more coherent words that would make sense, y'know? No? Whatever. Hope you liked it anyway! I might maybe do another chapter of after the fire where they'd disown him (because I think he said that he got disowned when he was talking to Barnum in the second last scene?) but only if you guys would be interested and I find the time and motivation lol.

Stay safe, be nice, and see ya soon.

- CrowofArcadiaOaks