24

Self harm / suicide discussion trigger warning. And I don't own anything.

"I'm fine. Really. This is all just a misunderstanding.' JJ slouched. "I said some stupid shit that I didn't mean to say and freaked everyone out. Now they're all being over the top and now I'm stuck here."

JJ rolled her eyes and looked up to the therapist.

Michaela was used to FBI agents being tough cookies to crack. But she wasn't used to it taking two agents to force one of their friends through the threshold of her office. That was definitely a new one.

JJ was due to see her in the coming weeks, as was standard protocol. However, her concerned friends had gotten in touch and it resulted in the appointment being expedited.

The blonde was clearly not very happy to have been cornered, but after the meltdown and admission that she had made, Michaela could understand why her friends were worried.

"Well firstly JJ, you are never 'stuck' here. You do have a choice. However, if you choose not to remain here and start working through your recent traumatic experiences, then there will be consequences that you will have to deal with. Namely, questions of whether your current living situation is suitable, and what alternatives choices would need to be made."

JJ huffed again. "See, no choice."

The brunette stayed silent for a moment. "If that's the way that you see it, then fine." She put her pen down on the pad and looked directly at the defiant JJ. "But I see it as a choice that you have already made. Because you are sitting in this room."

JJ ignored the therapist and continued "Because Morgan used Reid to help and then literally forced me through the damn door."

Michaela half smirked "yes, that's true. And it was certainly one of the more... unique entrances that someone has made coming into my office." Michaela put the pen and paper to the side, resting her elbows on her knees and her hands under her chin. "But JJ, the door isn't locked. There are no guards outside. You have your wheelchair. You can still choose to leave. But just remember there are the consequences. And as far as I can tell, you don't seem to want those to come to fruition."

JJ was trying really hard to maintain her calm. The last thing she needed was to be unhinged in front the therapist and medically written off for life. That would be absolutely devastating.

So she stayed silent. The pair were in a stalemate, JJ not wanting to say or do anything.

"Look JJ, I'm not going to force you to talk to me about what has happened the past few weeks. But I do need to know that you are safe. Are you actively having thoughts about hurting yourself?"

JJ slammed her hands on the couch. "No for crying out loud. Ugh. No. I'm not. I just want this shit done and to go back to normal."

Michaela nodded. "Great, well that's a good place to be in right now. So, is there anything that you would like to talk about?"

JJ stayed silent, and started watching the clock tick. She didn't want to be there and zoned out completely. Ignoring the therapist.

Michaela raised a brow and watched JJ with intrigue.

Despite the woman not saying anything, she started to write a few things down on her notepad. The seconds turned to minutes and suddenly the hour was up without JJ saying another word.

Michaela waved her hand, and clicked her fingers, before standing up which drew JJ's attention back to her.

She went to sit back down and started talking. "Well JJ, that's it for this session."

JJ looked confused. What had just happened. Did she get away with it? Then she felt low-key proud of herself. The blonde's demeanour had obviously changed, because Michaela started talking to her again.

"Oh no JJ. I'm sure you're thinking that you managed to get through the session and now you don't have to deal with this anymore. You say that you are fine-"

JJ huffed and was going to try and start talking, but Michaela continued "-and I do believe you to some extent. However, I think that for now, I'm going to insist you come and see me twice a week."

JJ furrowed her brow "But I have PT and all those things I can't miss..."

Michaela knew this tactic. "That's fine JJ. We'll book in for Mondays and Thursdays for now, and we can work around other appointments if necessary."

JJ rolled her eyes. "No chance of getting out of this then?"

Michaela laughed. "No, no chance." She laughed and brought the wheelchair closer to JJ. "Do you need any help?"

The blonde shook her head "No, just lock it please so that it doesn't slip when I transfer across."

…

The door opened and Morgan's face was the first thing that JJ saw. "How did it go?"

JJ rolled her eyes, "my sentence is twice a week for the foreseeable."

Morgan pursed his lips and looked back at Michaela "Right. okay."

"I'll send through the times by email."

"Righto, thanks." said Morgan. The pair shared awkward glances over top of the head of their friend and he made to start pushing the chair.

"So Jayje, feel like hitting Reid up for some lunch today?"

JJ grumbled "No I want to go home."

Not trying to push his luck Morgan just decided to do as she wanted.

O/o

Penelope and Emily had been chilling in the lounge. Penelope painted Emily's nails black after the duo had gotten back from a coffee/ lunch date. It was nice for Emily, it was one of the first things that felt normal. There was no appointment that was tacked on either side of the outing. It was just an outing for the sake of it.

The pair saw the car pull up the driveway and braced themselves for a storm. There was no real way of telling how it went, but they were hedging their bets on it not being JJ's favourite part of her recovery so far.

Garcia went and got the door, waiting for the pair to roll in. JJ was stewing as she crossed the threshold. Though nothing was being said.

Morgan took her straight to her room. He waited while she transferred to her bed and then left once the growly face was directed at him. Physio had helped JJ get more independent by way of self transfers, but there was still a lot of weakness in her body. It fatigued easy, so it was best to have someone there to catch her in case she fell. Not that she was too pleased with that either.

It was 50/50 at home whether Morgan carried her or whether she was in the chair. Because despite it providing some independence she still resented the thing.

…

Morgan sat down and looked at his friends.

Penelope started "Soo... how'd it go?"

He half laughed though it was obvious there was little he found funny, and continued "Just great."

"that bad huh?" Emily piped up.

"Reid and I pulled it off, but lord knows I couldn't have done it without the kid. I think she might have punched me if she had the strength." he sighed. "And it gets better, she gets to go twice a week for now. I'm sure you guys can guess how thrilled she was about that."

Emily and Penelope reacted, and Em was the first to speak up. "I mean, I'm not surprised. Maybe not twice a week, but I definitely expected weekly sessions for a while. Biggest question though, safety?"

Morgan nodded, "yeah she sent me an email with appointments dates and times, with the update of she thinks JJ is mentally safe at the moment. So we'll do our usual keeping an eye on her. But at least we can come off total suicide watch."

The women nodded, quite relieved. "That makes me feel a little bit better." Garcia said.

"Me too" agreed Emily.

…

JJ was lying in bed, huffing and puffing thinking about the morning. It had not gone as she had planned. Reid was there and she just couldn't say no to him. Or get mad at him. Getting mad at him would be like getting mad at a puppy. Just mean to be mean.

So she sucked it up and allowed them to force her into that room. She had a plan of what she would, well wouldn't say. And then she was hoping to get some sort of stay, and be told it was fine to wait a bit longer before coming back.

The woman hadn't been that bad. Like not totally horrendous, but also not really her vibe either. JJ did have to admit that the woman made her feel somewhat at ease. But JJ spent enough time with profilers to know that was a part of building rapport, and then eventually being able to get down to the nitty gritty.

JJ didn't want that, she just wanted to be left alone.

...

After stewing in bed for an hour she knew that there was going to be some questioning looks thrown her way. And she really didn't want to have to deal with it.

Looking over at her chair, she huffed and figured that she'd better try to make nice. The wheelchair was still her enemy, but right now she also didn't want to ask anyone else for help, so she was just going to have to make do.

JJ moved herself into a sitting position on the bed, and tried to focus on her breathing. There was still a lot lingering pain from the various injuries, and that was matched by a lot of mental anguish still inside. JJ had grown up in a loving household. But the death of her sister changed a lot of things, including her ability to talk freely about her emotions. She hadn't felt a real kinship with other people until she started working with Penelope and Emily. The boys were great too. But those women helped fill the void of the older sister that she lost.

Slowly and shakily she transferred and took a deep breath before wheeling herself out of her room. She tried to be quiet, but chair was definitely a giveaway.

Conversation seemed to slow down as she turned to corner. She was met with three pairs of eyes staring at her, and she definitely felt the tension in the air.

Anger started to cause her fists to ball up, but she didn't want to snap. She took another breath and unfurled them. She looked at her friends and asked "Room for one more?"

Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you think and thanks for reading. : )