The Wanderer

by BynWho

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfic for entertainment purposes only. All characters and plots from the BBC show Merlin belong to the BBC. All other characters and plots belong to BynWho. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: The battle Marian fears threatens those she loves, leading her to take drastic measures to protect Gwaine.

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Battle of Camlann

Marian closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she stood outside the royal chambers. She knew what she was doing was risky. Arthur could say no or Gwaine could find out, and he'd never forgive her. But she had to at least try. Marian had to ensure Gwaine stayed in Camelot.

The door opened right as she lifted her hand to knock, and Merlin waved her in, pointing to the table where Arthur and Gwen sat.

"Merlin said you wished to speak with me?"

Marian swallowed hard. She was prepared to speak to Arthur, but not in front of Gwen, who knew most of her secrets, the important ones anyway. Gwen would see right through her plan, so she hoped the queen wouldn't tell Gwaine.

"Yes, my lord. I…" She tried to swallow again, but her throat was too dry to do it. Looking at Merlin for help that never came, she cleared her throat and tried again. "I have concerns about the safety of Camelot and the city."

"As do I. What are your concerns?" Arthur asked.

Another deep breath. "I fear that Morgana's threats put you in danger, and with so many of the seasoned knights out in the kingdom, she may be able to make good on these threats. I was hoping…"

Arthur raised his eyebrows when she didn't finish. "Go on."

A quick glance at Gwen's frown threatened to derail her plan. "I was speaking to Gwaine, and…" She cleared her throat again. Lying to the king was a punishable offense, but she was doing it to save Gwaine's life. Surely Arthur would understand.

"Marian," Arthur said as he leaned forward. "I've never seen you unable to speak your mind. Please, continue."

"Right." Another glance at Gwen had her nearly flee the room. "Well, Gwaine is one of your best knights."

Arthur nodded.

"And if your life is in danger, shouldn't your best knights be here to protect you?"

"The people must be protected, too. You know that."

"I agree, but if Camelot falls… if you fall, what hope does the rest of the kingdom have against Morgana?"

"Gwaine said this?"

"I—"

"Because he came to me two days ago asking to go away from the city and out into the kingdom."

She shrugged. "He must have changed his mind."

"Then why wouldn't he come to me himself?"

Marian looked between Gwen and Merlin. Both knew how she felt about Gwaine, but only Merlin knew about her dreams. Gwen's frown remained, but Merlin gave her a small nod. "To save face."

"To save face?"

"Imagine what it would look like to ask your king for a favor and then to change your mind."

"So you said you'd tell me?"

"Not exactly…"

"But this is what he truly wants."

"It is."

Gwen closed her eyes and shook her head at Marian. When she opened them again, her gaze bored into her. "Are you sure, Marian?"

"Yes, my lady."

Arthur stood. "Alright then. Gwaine will remain in the city."

"Thank you, sire," she said, smiling as she left the room.

"Excuse me," Gwen said as she stood and followed her into the corridor.

Marian sped up when she heard the queen's quick footfalls.

"Marian, wait."

She sighed and stopped. "My lady?"

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"I don't understand what you mean."

"Don't lie to me. We've been friends for far too long for that. Gwaine would never rely on someone else to speak to Arthur on his behalf."

She was caught. Marian bit her lip and pleaded with the queen. "Please don't say anything to Arthur, Gwen. Gwaine will die out there if he leaves."

"Of course you fear that," Gwen said, quickly catching Marian's hands in her own. "But it's a risk they all take, even within the castle. You must let Gwaine do his job."

"No, Gwen, he will. I… I've seen it."

"What do you mean?"

Marian looked around to make sure they were alone. "I've dreamt it."

"That's just a nightmare, Marian. That's all."

"It's not just a nightmare, though. Sometimes they… actually happen."

Gwen dropped Marian's hands and knitted her brow. "They happen? Do you mean that you dream of the future?"

"Sometimes. That's how I knew Elyan was in danger."

Gwen paused at that. When she looked into Marian's eyes, she saw abject fear. "Then I will do my best to ensure Arthur upholds his decision."

"Thank you, Gwen."

As Marian turned to leave, Gwen touched her arm. "Gwaine will be furious."

"That's a risk I have to take."

Marian and Merlin were helping Gaius with potions, though Merlin's mind was on the recent run-in with the Saxons. She had never seen him so distracted. It was as if he wasn't even there. After the third time Merlin gave Gaius the wrong herb, she took over.

"I don't want that, Merlin! I want lungwort!" Gaius shouted.

"Maybe it's in the… thing," Merlin said, pointing at the medicine bag.

Marian sighed and went to the cupboard. "I'll get it."

"Thank you," Gaius said. He set the bottle down and walked over to Merlin, placing his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "What is it, Merlin? What's the matter?"

Merlin abandoned his potion bottle and plopped on the bench by the table. "Mordred."

"You're worrying about what the sorceress told you."

"Finna was right. I must not trust Mordred."

"He's a loyal knight. He's proved it time after time."

Marian sat next to Merlin. "Maybe he's different from what we fear."

He gave her a sharp look. "You're the one who's been saying he's going to kill Arthur."

"I know. But I just can't reconcile what I know of him from the legends and the kind man he is now. It doesn't fit, does it?"

"He's beguiled you. He's beguiled you all."

Gaius shook his head. "You're wrong, Merlin."

"When we were out on patrol, a Saxon escaped and Mordred let him."

"Are you sure?"

Merlin nodded. "I saw him."

"There must be a simple explanation."

"I can't believe that, Gaius. Not after all, I've been told. Can you, Marian? Knowing what you know, do you really think he's different? People can change."

Marian studied the cracks in the floorboards, trying to think her way through this. "Well, what I do know is that Mordred is soft and kind. He's the last person I'd expect to kill Arthur. But as you said, people can change." Frustrated, she stood and paced. "The legends, though, haven't been very accurate. But can we run the risk of Arthur dying? Jesus, I just don't know. I don't know what to do."

"He's fond of the king, though," Gaius said. "The feeling is mutual. They've become great friends."

"That's my fear. Arthur's blind to him. I'm not. I won't make that same mistake."

"What do we do, then?" Marian asked.

"Watch him. We need to try to keep an eye on him at all times."

"How will we do that when he's on patrol?"

"Ask Gwaine."

Marian shook her head. "Absolutely not. He's supposed to stay within the city."

"How do you know this?" Gaius asked, giving her a look of suspicion.

"I…" Marian tried not to look him in the eye. "I… may have given Arthur the impression that Gwaine changed his mind and wanted to stay."

"Marian!"

"I know, I know. But I'm so afraid for him, Gaius!"

Merlin stood and pointed at her. "There's all the proof we need."

"What do you mean? I'm the proof?"

"You've been dreaming that Gwaine would die. But you also have dreamt about Arthur's death by—"

"Mordred's hand. Shit, you're right. We can't trust that Mordred is different."

Gaius sighed. "We've patients waiting."

Merlin and Marian shared a pointed look, then followed Gaius out of the room.

"What's happened?" Marian asked as she and Merlin hurried to the council chambers.

"We caught a druid girl after she tried to kill Arthur."

"Why would a druid girl try to kill him? The druids are peaceful."

They walked into the chambers and stood to the side next to the knights, waiting. "We're about to find out."

The door swung open, and a guard escorted a young woman in chains to the middle of the room. A movement by the column closest to the girl caught Marian's eye. Mordred had almost stepped forward but thought better of it. Anguish filled his face as he watched the girl being questioned.

"Oh no, Kara?" Marian muttered to herself.

Gwaine was standing close and heard her. He frowned, concerned that she knew the druid girl who had tried to kill their king.

"Were you part of a cohort of Saxons who attacked an arms shipment bound for Camelot?" Arthur asked as he paced in front of Kara.

"Yes."

"And were you acting under the orders of Morgana Pendragon?"

Kara stood a little taller and looked at Arthur with defiance in her eyes. "What I did, I did for myself, for my people, and for our right to be free."

"I have no quarrel with the druids."

"I have spent my life on the run because of my beliefs and seen those I have loved killed."

"Once, maybe. But I'm not my father."

"You don't kill those with magic?" Kara asked, her voice strong. "It is not I, Arthur Pendragon, who needs to answer for my crimes. It is you. You and your father have brutally and mercilessly heaped misery on my kind. It is you who has turned a peaceful people to war… and it is you… and Camelot that shall pay the price."

Arthur's nostrils flared, but he kept his temper. "In your words, I hear the voice of Morgana. It is she and others like her who have abused the powers of magic. It is they who have brought the rift between our people. It is their deeds that have terrorized Camelot and forced us to outlaw such practices. But you stand before the court, not because of an act of sorcery or sedition, but because of an act of murder. Your actions have brought about the deaths of many good men and threaten the lives of many more."

Marian watched as Mordred tried and failed to keep his emotions from showing. Luckily for him, she was the only one who saw the flash of anger and then regret.

"They were casualties of war," Kara said. "And I would do the same again, for I will not rest until you are dead and your kingdom is no more."

"Yet you have friends here. Somehow, you got treatment for your leg from someone in Camelot. Who?"

Mordred paled. Both Marian and Merlin knew at once that he'd been in contact with Kara before she tried to kill Arthur. But while Merlin believed Mordred was aware of and condoned her actions, Marian knew without a doubt that he was just as surprised by her actions as Arthur.

"I treated myself."

"You're lying. Whoever it was left a trail of footprints in the mud, footprints that resulted in your capture."

"A stranger came across me and he helped me. I have no idea who he was."

"You show no remorse for your actions. I have no choice but to declare you an enemy of Camelot. At dawn tomorrow, pursuant to the laws of this land, you will be taken from your cell and hanged."

Gwaine watched in confusion as Marian's hands flew to her mouth to cover a gasp. While he knew she was opposed to execution, he also knew that she was fiercely loyal to the king. So, it surprised him when she seemed so concerned for a woman who tried to murder Arthur. The only reason that made sense to him was that Marian knew Kara. And that thought terrified him.

"You can do as you wish. It will not stop Morgana's uprising. Your doom is near," Kara said as the guards grabbed hold of her, pulling her from the chambers. "And my only sadness is, I won't be there to see it."

Marian closed her eyes and shook her head. Nothing good would come of Kara's death. It could be what turns Mordred against Camelot, against Arthur.

The alarm bells rang across the palace.

"What's happened?" Marian asked as she bolted into the physician's chambers, fearing yet somehow knowing the answer.

"I'm afraid that Mordred has helped Kara escape," Gaius said, clearly worried.

"Shit! You know Mordred will never forgive Arthur, should something happen to her."

He eyed her, suspicious that she knew more than she was telling him. "How do you know that?"

"Mostly empathy. Mordred loves her and I know what I'd do if Gwaine…" she trailed off and looked away.

"Marian?"

"Mordred told me about her. She was the sweetheart he left behind."

"Then we must hope that they do not join Morgana."

"Do you think that's what they'll do?"

He nodded. "Merlin suspects it as well."

"He's going to keep them from leaving, isn't he?"

"I'm afraid so."

"If Merlin does that, then Kara will hang, and Mordred will kill Arthur."

Gaius arched an eyebrow. "Then we must hope that Merlin can convince Arthur to have mercy on them."

"Do you think Arthur will relent? He's not his father, but he is bound by the law."

"I do not know."

"If he doesn't, he's doomed."

Merlin returned to the physician's chambers, defeated. He closed the door, leaning back and beating the back of his head against the wood. "The very thing I was trying to stop, it's happened."

"There are some paths woven so deeply into the fabric of the world, Merlin, that nothing can be done to change them," Gaius said.

Merlin turned to Marian. "I guess you were right, then."

"Believe me, I didn't want to be," Marian said.

"There must be an answer, some way out of this. Perhaps if Arthur was to repeal the sentence…"

"Do you think he will?"

"I might be able to persuade him. Then Mordred would no longer be set against Arthur. He'd be, you know, indebted to him."

Gaius shook his head. "You know Arthur. I cannot see him agreeing."

"I have to try. It's my only chance." Merlin opened the door and took off to find Arthur.

"I'm scared, Gaius. All of this is happening so fast," Marian said.

Gaius walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "As am I, Marian. As am I."

Marian ran into the council chambers after everyone had settled. Scooting against the back wall, she made her way to Merlin to watch as Arthur spoke to Kara. "Did you talk to him?" she whispered.

Merlin nodded and leaned down close to her ear. "Yeah, I think it worked."

She looked around and frowned. "Where's Mordred?"

"Still in the dungeon."

"Let's hope this goes well."

Arthur sat on the throne next to Gwen and spoke. "Every person present knows the crimes for which you are guilty, but I'm willing to offer you a chance. I know that the druids are a peaceful people. And you are young and impressionable, an easy target for the likes of Morgana. If you repent your crimes, I will spare your life."

Marian looked at Merlin with a soft smile. As her gaze shifted back to Kara, she saw Gwaine across the room, frowning at her. She turned her gaze away and tried to ignore him. Anxiety consumed her as she realized he might have learned about her discussion with Arthur regarding his staying in the citadel instead of going on patrols. There was no way for her to know that he was actually becoming suspicious of her part in Kara's attempt on Arthur's life and that he hated himself for it.

Finally, Kara spoke, head held high. "I cannot repent a crime I have not committed."

Arthur's eyebrows raised high on his brow. "Kara…"

"It is not a crime to fight for your freedom," she said as Arthur closed his eyes and sighed. "It is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are. You deserve everything that is coming to you, Arthur Pendragon."

"Very well." He nodded to the guards, and they led Kara from the room.

Marian leaned against a pillar and looked up at the ceiling. "Fuck."

Marian stood with Merlin and watched as they brought Kara out to the stone courtyard. A gallows had been built overnight and awaited its victim. "This isn't right," she whispered, so only Merlin would hear.

"I don't know how to stop it. This has gotten too far out of hand."

"Mordred will never forgive Arthur for this, you know."

After a brief glance at her, Merlin's attention was drawn back to the gallows, where Kara was being pushed up the steps. "I don't know what to do, Marian."

"I'm going to see Mordred."

Merlin grabbed her arm. "What good would that do?"

"Maybe I can talk some sense into him?" At Merlin's concerned look, she pulled her arm out of his grasp and started back to the castle door. "I have to try."

She dashed through the castle and vaulted down the staircase to the dungeon. Suddenly, the entire castle shook as she made her way to Mordred, and there was an explosion from the row of cells that housed him. Dirt and debris were dislodged from long-forgotten heights and fell around her, blinding her. She squinted as she tried to make out the figure storming toward her.

"Mordred?"

"You will not stop me, Marian."

"Please think about what you're doing."

He stopped and turned to her, hatred written all over his face. "The time for thinking is over. If I had just acted when I should have, Kara would be alive."

"You can't blame yourself, Mord—"

"I don't! I blame Arthur and Merlin."

She shook her head. "No one could have—"

"What would you do in my place? What would you do if it were Gwaine?"

She wasn't able to speak because she knew, without a doubt, she would do the same.

"That's what I thought," he said as he pushed past her.

"Where will you go?"

Rather than answer, Mordred's eyes glowed and Marian flew into a wall, knocked unconscious.

"Morgana is the only one who can help me now," he said to no one.

As the floor to the gallows dropped and snapped Kara's neck, the castle felt as if it was falling around them.

"Merlin, where's Marian?" Gwaine asked as he ran through the quaking chaos in the courtyard.

"She wanted to talk sense into Mordred."

Gwaine frowned. "I bet she did," he said as he ran back into the castle.

Mercifully, the quaking had stopped, but there were still cries and whispers about Mordred's escape. "Have you seen Marian?" he asked a serving boy.

"No, Sir Gwaine," the boy said as he fled.

"Dammit, woman, where are you?" he muttered.

He ran to the dungeons and stopped in the middle of a corridor when he spotted Marian crumpled on the floor. His anger grew as he ran to her. He was angry at her, at Mordred, at himself. She was always putting herself in danger, and this time she went toe-to-toe with a grieving sorcerer. Gwaine berated himself for not protecting her, for not ensuring she was out of danger, and now she was injured. Again. When he finally reached her, he went to the floor and cradled her bruised head. "Marian? I need you to wake up."

She groaned as she opened her eyes. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

Frowning, Gwaine helped her to sit up. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" he said, his voice raised.

"I don't…" she trailed off, trying to think again. "Jesus, don't yell. My head hurts."

"Were you helping Mordred?"

"What?"

"Did you help Mordred escape?"

"How can you even think that? Of course I didn't!"

"Then what were you doing down here?"

"I was trying to keep Mordred from leaving!"

The muscle in his jaw ticked. "How did you know the girl, then?"

"I didn't."

Another lie. Gwaine had about had enough of everyone's lies. "I heard you. At her trial, you said her name as she was brought in. You knew her name, Marian!"

"Mordred told me about her when we were riding together that day with the Saxons. You know, the day you made it very clear I was unwanted. It wasn't hard to put two and two together."

He winced at the memory, but his anger held steadfast. "Dammit, Marian! This isn't a game!"

"Believe me, Gwaine, no one knows that better than me."

They stood and he leaned against the wall. "You do realize that this," he said, gesturing to the rubble, "means Mordred has magic, don't you?"

Marian refused to look him in the eye. "I don't know what you mean."

"And Kara was a druid. Did she have magic as well?"

Her head snapped up, and she narrowed her eyes at Gwaine. "How the fuck should I know?"

"Well, you seem to know a lot about Mordred and Kara."

"So what if they had magic? What does that change?"

"It makes them enemies of Camelot."

She stood close and looked up at him. "You think anyone who has magic, who practices it, is an enemy?"

He nodded.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to scream at him or burst into tears. "The world isn't black and white, Gwaine. You can't really believe that, can you?"

Again, he nodded. "What good magic have you experienced, Marian? Every encounter we've had with magic has been life-threatening."

It was unfathomable that Gwaine, her Gwaine, would paint everyone with the same brush as Morgana. "Every encounter? Do you think you've only run across magic when something evil has happened? Gwaine, there are good sorcerers out there."

"I used to believe that."

"And now?" Her eyes widened at his silence. "What if it were me? What if I had magic?"

"Do you?"

"Just answer the question. What would you do if someone you cared for had magic?" She held her breath, dreading his answer.

He stared at her as if he could see the answer in her eyes. He wanted to say he'd take her and run off to the furthest place away from Camelot, but couldn't. "I have a duty to Camelot, but…"

"But what?"

He said nothing else. It was then that she knew. For her own safety, Gwaine could never find out about her magic.

"Well, that answers that," Marian said as she left him in the corridor.

"MARIAN!"

Still in her bed, Marian slowly opened her eyes with sleep trying to claim her, and ignored Gwaine's bellows.

"GODDAMMIT, MARIAN, GET OUT HERE!"

She couldn't. Stuck in the fog, her body wanted to continue its rest while her brain was yelling at her to get up. Closing her eyes, she was on the verge of falling back asleep, but the door flew open and Gwaine charged in.

His face was red with anger and he yelled at her. "What the fuck did you do?"

Finally, her body caught up with her brain and she sat up in a panic. "About what?"

Gwaine slammed her door shut. "You lied to the king! You lied about me!"

"Oh. That," she said as she stood and went to her dresser to start her day. She seemed cool and collected, but inside she was a wreck.

"That? You mean the that where you told Arthur that I decided not to go after all?" He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Marian's eyes flashed. "I was thinking of keeping you safe! I don't want you to die and you won't listen to me!"

"What makes you think I'll die if I leave Camelot?"

"Because I've dreamt it every damn night for weeks! She's going to kill you, Gwaine! Morgana is going to fucking kill you!"

"You're delusional if you think I won't see through that. Don't lie to me."

"Delusional? You think I'm lying? Goddammit Gwaine, I'm trying to save you! I would never lie about your life!"

"I'll not stay here Marian. I can't."

"Because of me."

He wouldn't look at her anymore.

"That's ridiculous! You'd rather march to your death than deal with me? Is that it?"

"I can't believe this," Gwaine said as he let her go and ran his hand through his hair, pacing. "What do you want from me, Marian? I've done everything I know to do and you still won't let me go."

"I want you to not die. I thought that was pretty obvious."

He barked out a laugh. "Obvious? The only thing that's obvious to me is that you have no respect for me, that you never cared for me, only yourself."

She put her hands on her hips. "I do respect you—"

He cut her off. "No. No more lies. I'm done. I'm leaving tomorrow and you better stay away from me, Marian."

She panicked when he opened her door to leave. "Gwaine, wait!"

His shoulders slumped as he walked out of the room, and his voice broke when he spoke. "Leave me alone, Marian. Don't ever speak to me again."

She choked on a sob when he disappeared down the corridor. It was never supposed to be easy.

Marian sat at her work table in the physician's chambers doing nothing, thinking nothing, feeling nothing. The sun was close to setting, its warm rays of orange filtering through the window to shine on her face.

Nothing and nothingness.

She was desperately trying not to think of Gwaine. He'd told her never to speak to him again.

Nothing. Don't think.

He was so angry with her. Maybe he hadn't meant what he said.

Empty thoughts. No feelings. Nothing. Don't think. Don't feel.

Of course, her attempt to block everything out failed, and she finally took in what happened earlier. And it broke her.

"Marian?" Merlin asked as he came into the room and saw her shoulders shaking. "Are you alright?"

She shook her head and swiped at her tears. "What are you doing here? I thought you were with Arthur this evening."

"I was, but he's speaking to the garrison that will go to Fort Stowell tomorrow, so I came to get some medical supplies for them to take."

"Arthur's going with them?"

"No, he can't leave for that long," he said without looking at her.

Suspicious, she walked over to him and crossed her arms. "Merlin…"

He turned to her and gave her his brightest and fakest smile. "I'll just finish up here and go."

Marian's eyebrow arched and Merlin shuddered at the similarity between her disappointed look and Gaius's disappointed look.

"Who's going to Fort Stowell?"

"Oh, uh… Sir George, Sir William… Sir Erec, I think. Oh, and of course Sir Brian. It's his first mission after his knighting, so he's pretty excited."

"All of those knights are new, Merlin. Who's leading them?" she asked, terrified of the answer as her heart picked up its pace.

Merlin sighed. She'd find out in the morning, anyway. "Gwaine."

"What? But Arthur said—"

"Gwaine went to see him earlier and asked for it. Don't worry, he didn't let on that you'd lied the other day."

She marched to the door.

"It's done, Marian. You can't make him stay."

She dropped her head and placed a hand on the doorframe to steady herself. "I won't try. I'm just tired. I'm going to bed."

"Without supper?"

She didn't say anything, just nodded, and left.

Anger returning, Marian slammed her door shut and paced around her chamber. Gwaine was being stubborn and foolish. Well, she can be just as stubborn and foolish, especially if it meant he would stay safe. She would say that it's not supposed to end like this, that she was just as important to Camelot as anyone else, but…

"Fuck the prophecy. This isn't my story."

She gathered a few things and stuffed them into her bag. Tears threatened to fall as she rolled the ribbons Gwaine had given her so long ago and tucked them in the fold of a serving dress. A dress that he had also given her. She fell to the bed and held her head in her hands. So much of him was intertwined into her life. Regardless, she had to do something to keep him from dying.

With a half-baked plan in place, she picked up the emerald pendant he'd given her last year and the quill and paper beside it.

"Right."

She steeled her resolve and put pen to paper.

Merlin woke with a jolt. Something was wrong. He felt it. Sitting up, he looked around the darkened room, but nothing had changed. The light from the fireplace spilled beneath his door. Gaius was up.

"Merlin!" Gaius's voice sounded panicked, so Merlin shot up and hurried to the other room.

"What's wrong?"

"I woke up and found this when I couldn't go back to sleep."

Merlin caught the paper as Gaius threw it in his direction.

Angry, Gaius's shouts echoed through the room. "How can she be so foolish?"

"Marian? What—"

"Read it."

Gaius,

This is one of the hardest things I've had to do because I'm leaving Camelot and the only family I've ever loved. Don't tell Merlin yet. You know he'll run to Gwaine and Gwaine cannot leave the safety of the city. He won't listen to me. I've already tried to keep him here, but Merlin told me Arthur's granted his request to go to Fort Stowell.

My nightmares have only become worse as the end nears. I would rather die myself than harm come to him. Gwaine is only going away to avoid me, as it's too painful for him to be around me. I don't blame him, of course. So, if I leave, he'll have no reason to go. My life means nothing if it means he lives.

Please don't come after me. Don't send anyone to bring me home. This is what's best. I was never supposed to be here anyway. It's not my story to live.

Take care of Gwaine. Make him stay in Camelot. Please do this for me.

Thank you for everything, Gaius. You've been more of a father to me than my own. I'm sorry for hurting you, but this must be done.

Take this pendant as payment for the food and horse I stole. It was a token of love from Gwaine, and I can't look at it without wanting to die from regret and utter sadness.

Affectionately yours,

Marian

Merlin picked up the necklace on the table beside him and looked at Gaius, dumbfounded. "How long has she been gone?"

"I don't know. I only woke up minutes before I found the letter."

"I can't believe she'd do this."

"You must find Gwaine, Merlin. There's no telling what danger she's put herself in."

Merlin ran to Gwaine's chamber, desperate for his help. He would be furious, but Merlin knew that his love for Marian never wavered. Gwaine was the only one who could save her from herself.

He pounded on the door persistently before Gwaine threw the door open, pulling his tunic over his head.

"What?" Gwaine shouted.

"Marian's gone."

"What do you mean gone?"

Merlin shoved the letter into Gwaine's chest and pushed past him into the room.

"What's this?"

"Just read it," Merlin said, pacing the length of the chamber.

Gwaine unfolded the letter and began to read. His frown grew deeper as his eyes skimmed across the paper. By the time he was done, his nostrils were flared. "Dammit, Merlin! How could you tell her this? You knew she'd leave! You knew her damned soft heart would make her try to keep me safe no matter what would happen to her!"

Merlin caught the letter as Gwaine tossed it to him. "Are you going after her?"

Gwaine sat and pulled his boots onto his feet. "Of course I am."

"You know where she'll go, then?"

"Nemeth," he said as he buckled his belt and strapped his sword sheath. Grabbing his jacket, Gwaine ran out of the room and down the corridor, with Merlin following.

"How do you know that?"

"That's where she said she would go the first time she tried to make me stay." Gwaine jumped down the staircase, skipping half the stairs on his way down. "I still love her, Merlin. So much so that it hurts. That's why I… dammit! Why in the hell would she do this?"

"Like you said. To keep you safe." When Gwaine looked back at him, Merlin nodded. "I'm going with you. I may not love her like you do, but I care about her."

"What did she mean by the nightmares becoming worse as the end nears? What end?" he asked as they ran through the stone courtyard toward the stables.

"Your end, my end. Camelot's end." Merlin handed Gwaine his saddle and then went for his own. "Gwaine, she's frightened and in more danger than she knows."

Gwaine fixed his gaze on Merlin as he strapped his saddle to the horse. "What are you not telling me?"

"Marian… knows things."

"What sort of things?"

"The future. She dreamt of faceless men long before you found Sir Caradoc."

"She wasn't lying to me, then," Gwaine muttered as he closed his eyes. "Dammit!"

"Marian knows what will happen to Arthur. She knows how Mordred will kill him."

"Then why the hell didn't she say anything?"

"She did. I tried to keep Mordred from coming here."

"That's why she confronted him when he escaped? To stop him from going to Morgana?"

"It didn't work. None of it worked and now Marian's nightmares are coming true. But…"

"What?"

"There's something else."

"Tell me."

"Morgana knows, and if she finds Marian…"

"She'll torture her for information."

Merlin nodded.

Gwaine sighed before climbing into the saddle. "Damn foolish woman." He kicked his horse, and they rode at full speed south, toward Nemeth.

The Darkling Woods were always foreboding, especially at night, but riding by herself gave Marian a new appreciation for daylight and company. She'd ridden over an hour, so she expected she was far enough from Camelot that no one could catch up to her, especially since they wouldn't find the letter until morning. She knew Gaius would show her letter to Merlin, who would give it to Gwaine, no doubt. But she hoped Gaius would heed her wishes and keep Gwaine there. Luck had been on her side—she was able to leave without a fuss after all. And if she were really, really lucky, she'd reach Nemeth within the week.

But as it turned out, though, luck was a fickle mistress.

Marian slowed when she saw a campfire, trying to pass by silently. Thirty feet until she passed and would be safe to resume her journey. Twenty-five feet. Twenty. She heard the soft snap of a twig. Fifteen feet. She held her breath, ready to take off in case she was found out. Ten feet.

"What have we here?" a gruff voice called out from behind her.

She didn't wait to see who he was or if he was alone. Marian kicked her horse into a gallop, sprinting as fast as the beast could between the trees. When she heard fast hoofbeats behind her, she bent down low in her saddle, trying to help the horse run faster.

"Where do you think you're going, girlie?" The man beside her reached out to pull her off her horse, but he wasn't prepared for his prey to be armed.

Marian pulled a dagger from the pocket hidden in her dress and slashed his hand.

He screamed as he swept the dagger from her hand. "You're going to pay for that!"

"I don't think so!" Somehow Marian's horse was able to go faster, weaving around trees as foam flew from the beast's mouth.

Suddenly, he reached out to grab her cloak, and her startled horse screamed and bucked, throwing her to the ground. She rolled to avoid hooves when it turned and ran back to Camelot.

"I've got you now!" the man shouted, ripping her cloak from her body.

Unarmed and alone, Marian backed away from him but stopped when she hit a tree. Two more men came out from behind the first and grinned. "Let's have some fun, boys!"

Gwaine sped through the Darkling Woods so fast that Merlin was having difficulty keeping up. He was pissed off. More than pissed off, raging and furious, but that emotion had to wait its turn. Worry won the battle instead. He didn't know what he'd do if Marian was harmed, or worse. He should have never told her he was leaving. It would've broken her heart, but better a broken heart than putting herself at such a risk.

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Merlin asked as they dodged trees and brush.

Gwaine was about to answer, probably not in a nice way either, until he spotted something on the path in front of them. He pulled his horse to an abrupt stop and jumped from the saddle. Merlin came up beside him just as he picked up the dagger. Not just any dagger, though.

"Marian's dagger," he said as he pocketed it and went back to his horse.

"How do you know?"

"I gave it to her years ago. When I was knighted."

"Do you hear that?" Merlin asked as they were about to mount their horses.

"It's a horse."

Merlin ran down the path and threw his arms out. "Whoa!"

Gwaine caught the bridle when it slowed and pulled the horse to a stop. He opened the saddlebag and, recognizing Marian's serving dress, he swore. "She's in trouble!"

Without another word, they rode on.

A scream rang out across the woods as they came to a clearing, and Gwaine's heart stopped.

She was backed against a tree while three men had their hands all over her. He passed her cloak lying on the ground and drew his sword as he screamed and jumped from his saddle. Two of the men turned toward him, but the ringleader held Marian still with his body, pulling at her dress and tearing a sleeve. In his fury, Gwaine ran one of the men through without a glance and ran toward Marian.

Merlin knew he was pretty much useless against a foe who was a better swordsman, so he resorted to magic. His eyes glowed and a large branch fell onto the second man's head, breaking his neck.

As soon as Gwaine reached Marian, the ringleader turned to him and drew a sword. The two fought, Gwaine leading them away from her. His swings were matched, blow for blow. He was getting the upper hand, but he made the mistake of turning his attention to Marian for a fraction of a second. She screamed when his arm was slashed, the gash only infuriating him further.

The man gave him a cocky grin, but let his guard down. Taking advantage of the opportunity, He plunged his sword into the man's gullet, watching as he fell to the ground.

Merlin looked Marian over to see if she was injured. While the collar of her dress was torn and there was a bloody scrape on the back of her shoulder, she looked unharmed.

"Gwaine, you're hurt!" she said as she ran over to him.

As his fear finally turned to rage, Gwaine wouldn't let her see his wound or touch his arm. Instead, he pulled her to his horse and forced her into the saddle. Climbing up behind, he took the reins from her.

"Gwaine, I—"

"I don't want to hear it."

Merlin mounted his horse and followed them, only stopping when they came across her horse.

"I can ride on my own," Marian said when Merlin tied her horse to his saddle.

Gwaine tightened his arms around her. "I'm not taking the chance that you'll run off again."

"But you're rubbing against my scrape. It hurts."

For a brief moment, it looked like Gwaine was going to let her, but then he remembered the danger she put everyone in. "Think of it as penance."

Marian turned her head and scowled at him. "Fuck you, Gwaine."

"Not on your life, sweetheart."

Gwaine and Marian were in the physician's chambers, getting their wounds tended to. With all their shouting, it wouldn't have surprised Gaius if they woke the whole castle, but he dared not interrupt.

"Why the hell did you come after me?"

Gaius had the slash on Gwaine's arm almost clean before the knight started waving his arms.

"Why did I… Dammit woman, I came after you because the exact thing I knew would happen happened!"

"If you were so determined to make me come back, you could've sent someone else, anyone else! Don't you see? I'm trying to protect you!"

Merlin tried to get Marian to sit still so he could clean the scrape on the back of her shoulder, but she kept moving away from him.

"How is being attacked by Saxons protecting me? You put yourself in danger! And to that end, you put both me and Merlin in danger!"

The needle Gaius was so carefully trying to sew with poked Gwaine in the wrong spot. "Gwaine, sit still."

"If someone else had gone after you, would you have come?" Gwaine shouted.

"Of course not, but that's not the point!"

"Stop moving, Marian," Merlin said, frustrated that he couldn't get her wound clean.

"Oh really? What is the point, then?"

"You were supposed to stay in the city, Gwaine! If you'd been caught, then all of this would have been for nothing!"

Gaius had enough of their arguing and slammed his hand on the work table. "Stop it! Both of you! If you want us to finish with you, then you need to be still and be quiet!"

Gwaine and Marian sat on opposite tables, quiet and still, and yet fuming at each other.

"There," Gaius said once they were done.

Gwaine hopped off the table and hurried to the door. Marian followed, as she pulled up the remains of her sleeves and tied her dress.

"It was still for nothing, Marian. I'm not staying."

"What?" Her voice echoed in the corridor.

"I'm leaving in the morning."

"Gwaine, please."

"This is it. I'm not arguing with you again. I'm not staying."

"No! I'll find another way! You can't put yourself in danger, Gwaine!"

He stopped in front of her chamber door and turned so fast that Marian backed up a step. "Oh, but you can put yourself in danger?"

"It's not the same thing."

"How? How is it not the same?"

"It's not… I'm not… It's your story, Gwaine, not mine. You are the one that matters. There's no trace of me in any of it. I'm not supposed to be here."

"What the hell does that even mean? You keep saying it's not your story, but you won't explain!"

"I can't. I can't explain it."

"Of course, you can't. You can't tell me why any of this has happened, and it's breaking my heart."

"I know."

"I've loved you for five years, and I've waited so long for you, only to tell me it was hopeless."

"I never asked you to wait."

"But I did."

"You can't blame me for you putting your life on hold."

"Have you not wondered why I never courted anyone else? I gave you my heart, Marian. And you played with it like it was nothing. As if there were no consequences. With every kiss, you've ripped my heart out little by little. I tried to be polite. I tried to be your friend, but nothing I do is right with you. You're cold and unfeeling. Like a cold, wet fish," Gwaine said as he stepped closer. "And as soon as I find a way out that will help us both move on, you try to manipulate me to keep here."

Marian closed the space between them. She rose to her full height and jutted her chin out defensively. "I wasn't manipulating you! I fear for your life!"

"So you don't believe in me or trust me to know what I'm doing? Am I the only knight you have no faith in?"

"I have faith in you, Gwaine, but Morgana is powerful."

"What you did, running away, was selfish, Marian! It's as if you are only concerned for yourself, not thinking about what others would do to protect you or what danger Merlin and I put ourselves in just to retrieve you."

"I'm concerned for others! I die every time you knights go out on a quest or to a battle," she yelled at him as fresh tears began to fall. "You have no idea what I've done to save you and the others countless times, and you have the nerve to accuse me of being selfish!"

Marian wiped her wet nose on her sleeve, trying to compose herself and failing.

"I care for you knights! I've mourned for those who've fallen! I've grieved with you! How dare you say I don't care! I've done everything you asked of me. I've stayed away, lost friends, stuck to my duties all because you asked me to give you space. Regardless of my broken heart, I have always tried to make it easier on you, Gwaine. Because I know. I know this is all my fault and not a damn thing I do will ever change it. I'm stuck following Fate or Destiny or whatever the fuck it was that threw me here! I'm drowning in secrets and love and heartbreak, and I'm not allowed to do a goddamn thing about it! I have absolutely no choice in anything. Especially with you!"

She turned her head from him, unable to look him in the eye as she said what she needed.

"We should've been together after we came back from the Perilous Lands. I've wanted you for so long and years, years have been wasted because of my fear. Because I was afraid of losing you. And it was all for nothing because regardless of which one of us leaves Camelot, I've lost you."

She turned to leave, but he caught her by the arm and pushed her back against the wall, standing mere inches from her and pinning her wrists above her head. Warm air tickled her skin as he let out a measured breath. Frustrated and conflicted by his feelings for her, Gwaine leaned closer, his nose rubbing against the side of hers.

Marian was irresistible to him. He had spent months trying to get over her, but it hadn't worked. She'd become so ingrained in his being that he didn't think he could live without her. Sure, she was beautiful and desirable. But he loved her for her mind, her goodness, her heart. He loved her soul.

As Gwaine brushed her lips with his, Marian closed her eyes and returned his kiss. At the feeling of her soft, supple lips, something in him broke. He kissed her hard, nearly bruising her as he pinned her against the wall with his body and deepened their kiss. He was angry at her and at himself. All of his anger came out as need and desire for her. He let go of her wrists and reached behind her, grabbing her backside and pulling her hips into his.

Marian's knees gave out, and she grabbed his tunic to hold on. She wanted him close. Even closer than he already was. Fury coursed through her veins. She knew she couldn't have him, that this moment would be fleeting, never coming to the conclusion it should. Fate had fucked her over by letting her have the smallest taste of what she wanted, only to take it away. Fuck Fate. And fuck Gwaine.

She raised the hem of his tunic and ran her hands over his sides and back, digging her nails into his skin as he gathered her skirts to the top of her legs. Gwaine lifted her against the wall, wrapping her legs around him, and pushed himself between her thighs, pressing against her in long, hard thrusts, leaving his trousers as the only barrier keeping them from truly and deeply feeling one another.

Gwaine let go of her mouth and nibbled down her neck, and when he reached the soft skin at her shoulder, he bit down hard and then used his tongue to soothe the pain. Marian moaned as pressure was slowly building between her thighs. A lovely warm and persistent pressure. Urging it on, she delved her hands into his hair, and pulled his head up, crashing her mouth onto his. She bit his lower lip, tasting a hint of blood. The low, guttural growl that came from him only spurred her on. Feeling his arousal harden more, Marian tightened her thighs and rocked against him. He wanted her, needed her, and she was all too willing to give him what they both cried out for. The pressure was beginning to warm and his cock pulsed against her.

Gwaine's voice was husky against her mouth. "Fuck. Oh, fuck. Marian… You're in my blood. My soul."

Marian was close to climaxing. The thrill was electricity in her body. She was going to come and all because of Gwaine pressing himself against her. The man she loved, who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She was going to get everything she wanted. Marian was going to give in to her love and—

"Shit."

Gwaine stopped. "Shit?"

Marian put her feet on the floor and pushed him back. She had almost done it. Almost given in to her feelings. Her chin quivered as she remembered Nimueh's words.

You will love and be loved in return. But love will be your undoing, for if you ever give in to it, you will fall through time and be parted for eternity. That is the curse you will endure for the rest of your life.

"I'm sorry."

Gwaine stepped back. "Not again. Please tell me you're not doing this again."

A small sob escaped her. With her voice barely above a whisper, she moved from between him and the wall. "We can't do this."

He ducked his head for a brief moment, his face contorting in anger and hurt. "Cold fish."

He turned and walked away.

If Marian had looked miserable after the Dark Tower incident, she looked practically ill after Gwaine left for Fort Stowell. It was as if she just gave up. She still kept clean, of course, but she didn't wear ribbons or style her hair. Her serving dresses were the ragged ones she had before Gwaine bought her new ones. Smiles and laughter were a rarity. She couldn't bear anything that reminded her of him, which meant she avoided most things and people. Her heart hurt more than ever.

"How are you, little healer?" Percival asked when he found her sitting in the stone courtyard on the palace steps by herself.

Marian tried to smile but couldn't spare the effort. "I'm fine, Percival."

"You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me," he said as he put his arm around her. He sighed. "We all miss him."

Marian nodded as she looked at the ground. "I know. I just… It's my fault. And if anything happens to him…"

"You need to have more faith in him."

"It's not Gwaine that I have little faith in."

"Who then?"

"Fate."

"Fate?"

"Yeah, she's a raging bitch."

Percival chuckled. "I'll have to remember that." He looked at her and sobered at her subdued demeanor. "He's hurt. You must give him time to lick his wounds. Gwaine will come back sooner than you know."

Just as she opened her mouth to tell him that Gwaine wasn't coming back, she was cut off by Merlin as he ran across the courtyard.

"Marian, can I speak with you?" he asked. "Oh, hi Percival."

"That's my cue to go," Percival said as he stood. "Think about what I said, little healer."

"Thanks, Percival," Marian said, smiling softly. She was going to ask Merlin to sit, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her to one of the dark alcoves by the stairs.

"Merlin, what's wrong?"

He looked around and then leaned in close, his voice a whisper. "I've lost my magic."

"What? How?"

"Did you not see Gaius this morning?"

"Not yet. I was going to after I finished my walk in the garden, but I got distracted. Is he okay?"

"He will be. Last night, someone snuck in a gean canach and it attacked me."

Marian shook her head. "A what?"

"It's a sort of magic eater. It took my magic away."

"Then what do we do? How do we get your magic back?"

Merlin looked around again to make sure no one could hear. "I don't know yet."

Out of nowhere, the stones echoed with the thunderous sound of hoofbeats as the garrison from Fort Stowell made their return.

Her eyes widened when she realized the garrison was back. "It's Gwaine!"

Marian and Merlin rushed out into the courtyard just in time to see Gwaine help a beautiful blonde woman from one of the horses. Marian stopped in her tracks and stared at them as the woman hung onto Gwaine's arm, her limp making it difficult to walk. He bent down and picked her up to carry her into the castle.

"Marian, there are wounded. We need to get them to Gaius," Merlin said as he put the arm of one of the soldiers over his shoulders to take his weight.

Gwaine stared at Marian as he walked the woman to the palace steps. His heart sunk at the look of betrayal she was giving him. He didn't know why he expected it to be different. Of course, she would have a powerful reaction to him carrying another woman. But explanations would have to wait because once he dropped the woman off to Gaius, he urgently needed to see the king.

"Marian!" Merlin knocked her from her thoughts. "We need to go!"

"Right," she said as she went to Sir Erec and wrapped his arm over her shoulders to help him walk. "There are too many. We need to take them to the inner chamber."

"Good idea!"

Marian looked around until she found an uninjured knight. "Brian! Go get Gaius and tell him there are injured in the inner chamber!"

Brian nodded and left the courtyard.

Once the soldiers and knights were settled, Gaius, Merlin, and Marian set to work. Thankfully, none of the injuries were life-threatening, only painful, so they made quick work of it. Marian was wrapping a bandage around her last patient's arm when she saw Gwaine take the blonde woman to Merlin to treat her leg.

"There you go, George," she said when she was done. "Just rest it for a few days and you'll be fine."

When George left, Marian made her way toward Merlin, intending to offer help, though she actually wanted to know who the woman was and why Gwaine was so attentive. But she stopped when Gwaine crouched next to the woman and took her hand for a brief moment.

"I'm sorry, Eira," he said, looking up at her. "They're dead. The entire village."

Eira's tears began to fall. "What will I do now?"

Gwaine stood and looked over at Marian, though he spoke to Eira. "You'll be safe here. We'll find you a place to stay."

"Thank you, Sir Gwaine."

"Of course." Gwaine smiled softly. "We need someone to get her settled."

"Oh, can't you, Sir Gwaine? I'm still a bit shaky."

Merlin nodded his head at Marian as she approached. "Marian can, can't you?"

"Yes, I can." Marian scowled inwardly but plastered a smile on her face. "I believe there are empty rooms at the inn."

Gwaine frowned. "Do we not have any spare beds in the castle, Marian? Eira is our guest, after all."

"I'm sure I can find something, Sir Gwaine," she said as she looked back and narrowed her eyes at him. "Follow me, Eira," she said with another fake smile and turned to leave.

"Let me know how she fares, Marian," Gwaine said, irritated and intentionally nettling her.

She glared at him as she passed. He flinched at the intensity of the hatred he thought he saw there.

The only spare beds were in the kitchen maids' corridor, so she was determined to settle Eira as far away as possible. It wasn't Eira's fault, but Marian's hackles rose when she first saw the woman, and the feeling hadn't changed. The walk down to the chambers felt like an eternity, though. Eira kept going on and on about how Gwaine saved her from a Saxon, and then how she had saved him from assured death.

"He is very handsome, isn't he?"

Marian tried to keep her voice neutral, but inside she was screaming. "Yes, very handsome."

"I'm surprised he isn't courting or married. He seems like he would make a fine lover. I suppose none of the ladies in Camelot are enough temptation for him."

All civility in Marian flew out of the window. "What makes you say that?" she bit out.

Eira's eyes widened. "Oh! I just… I…"

Marian had enough and desperately needed to get away before she said something she'd regret. She caught the first person to pass. "Brian! We need your help." He was the perfect man to get Gwaine out of this woman's head.

Brian smiled at Eira when he stopped. "What can I do for you?"

Marian took Eira's hand and placed it in the crook of Brian's arm. "This is Eira. She needs lodging. I thought there might be an extra bed with the kitchen maids. I would show her, but I must get back to Gaius."

"I would be happy to show Eira," he said as he laid his hand over hers.

Eira glared at Marian but quickly recovered. "Sir Brian, tell me, how long have you been a knight?"

"A few months, but I was a trusted guard nearly all my life before that."

"So, you are close with the king?"

"I am…"

Marian grinned at their backs when they left. Now you'll stay away from my Gwaine, bitch.

"I found a way to get my magic back," Merlin said as he returned to the physician's chambers.

"How?" Marian asked.

"I think I just need to go to the Crystal Cave."

"You think?"

"Well, I know. I think. It's my only chance."

Gaius arched an eyebrow. "It's dangerous, Merlin."

"I don't have a choice. Arthur's getting the army ready for Camlann."

Marian paled. "So soon?"

"Merlin, you'll have to go through the Valley of the Fallen Kings to get there," Gaius said. "You'll run into Saxons and who knows what else. Need I remind you that you don't have your powers to protect you?"

"Gwaine," Marian said.

"What about him?" Gaius asked.

Marian took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. "Gwaine should take you. He's easily the best warrior Camelot has."

Merlin nodded. "She's right. I'll be safe with Gwaine. I'll ask if he'll come with me tomorrow."

"No," Marian said. "Let me. I need to apologize to him, anyway."

"You're sure?"

"Very," Marian said as she left to find him.

She didn't have far to go since Gwaine was on his way to see Gaius, anyway. He walked past her without even looking at her.

"Gwaine, wait."

He ignored her and kept walking away.

"Please, Gwaine. Please."

"What is it?" he asked, his voice cold as ice.

Marian pulled him to the side of the corridor as Brian walked by. "Merlin has to go to the Valley of the Fallen Kings tomorrow."

"And?"

"It's dangerous. He has to get there unharmed."

"Is this going to be one of those I can't tell you things?"

Marian bit her lip and nodded. "But it's for Merlin, not me."

"Then why isn't he asking?"

"Because…" She wanted to hang her head but instead found the courage to look him in the eye. "Because I want to apologize."

He frowned and crossed his arms, but remained quiet.

"I'm sorry I tried to keep you here. I only did it because I was afraid you'd die—"

"Which, as you can see, I didn't. Your excuse—"

"It wasn't an excuse to go behind your back. It was a reason, but that doesn't make what I did right, I know. I'm truly sorry, Gwaine."

His expression softened when he nodded, but his voice was still hard. "What did you do with Eira?"

Marian's heart plummeted. "What? Why?"

"I want to make sure you didn't send her out into the city on her own." When she gave him a dirty look, he knew he'd hit a nerve. Good. She'd deserved to feel a little jealousy. "A pretty woman like her is easy prey to men with less than honorable intentions."

"Like you?"

Gwaine smirked and stepped close to her, leaning down to her ear. "No, sweetheart, every intention I have is honorable." His smirk faltered when he pulled back and saw her face.

She was crushed. Utterly crushed. "Well, then," she said as her voice broke. "You'll have to ask Brian where she is because I don't know."

His brow knitted when she walked past him. "Why Brian?"

She held her middle finger out behind her instead of answering.

He rubbed his tired face and sighed. "Well, I fucked that up," he said to the empty corridor.

Merlin and Gwaine left the city early in the morning. They had abandoned their horses and made their way to the Valley of the Fallen Kings on foot. From there, Merlin would find the Crystal Cave, the place where he hoped to regain his magic.

"Thanks for everything that you did to help Eira," Gwaine said to Merlin as they walked through the forest. "She didn't exactly get a warm welcome."

"Marian?" Merlin sighed when Gwaine nodded. "Can you blame her? She probably didn't expect you to move on so soon and to do it right in front of her."

Gwaine chuckled ruefully. "I haven't moved on, Merlin. I don't think I ever can."

"So, you were antagonizing Marian because…?"

"To feel better, I guess. To get the upper hand, to feel in control."

"And do you? Feel better, I mean?"

"Not even a little."

"You know, I always thought you and Marian would end up together."

"Yeah, well, sometimes things don't turn out the way you want."

"You work well together."

"Merlin, is there a point to all of this?" Gwaine asked, irritated.

"I'm just saying you were meant for each other, is all."

He gave Merlin a sharp look. "Well, the lady certainly didn't think so. Not enough to live without secrets."

"Gwaine, I know she broke your heart, but she really does love you."

"It certainly doesn't feel like she does."

"I'm serious. No one has ever caught her attention like you did. I've known her for a long time, and she has never expressed an interest in anyone except you. No one has made her feel the way you do."

"Then tell me, Merlin, why she pushed me away if she loves me so much?" He shook his head. "No, she played me for a fool."

"The thing about Marian is that she's incredibly stubborn."

"That's one way to put it."

"And if she thinks she's saving you from a worse heartache, then nothing will change her mind."

"Worse?" Gwaine asked, frowning. "What can be worse than giving your heart to the woman you love just for her to reject you in such a harsh way?"

"It's not my story to tell. But I will say this. She thinks she's saving you from the only thing she's ever been afraid of."

"Yeah? And what's that?" Gwaine asked, flipping his hair from his face as they made their way down a small hill.

"Loss." Merlin walked ahead, hoping that would give him something to think about.

While Gwaine was lost in his thoughts, they were suddenly ambushed by bandits. He drew his sword and fought off one, quickly killing him.

The other bandit lunged for Merlin, who had no weapon and no magic to defend himself. Merlin tripped and fell backward, and the bandit lifted his sword over him. "Gwaine!"

Gwaine came up behind the bandit and ran him through. After he sheathed his sword, he offered Merlin his hand and helped him stand. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I think so. Thank you."

Gwaine chuckled. "No need to thank me, Merlin. It was the least I could do."

As they continued toward the valley, Merlin contemplated his future and how little of it might remain. He expected to die for Arthur in the battle at Camlann. From the start, he was aware that it was his destiny to save the king and bring about Albion. He had just hoped that he would have more time to do it.

He would miss his friends. Gaius and Marian would be especially heartbroken, but that wasn't anything that could be helped. Merlin realized, though, that he could give Marian one last gift—he could talk some sense into Gwaine and maybe give her some hope of a reconciliation. He never fancied himself a romantic, but Merlin knew deep down that Marian and Gwaine would find a way to be together despite Nimueh's curse.

When they had finally reached the mouth of the Crystal Cave, Merlin turned to him. "I can make my own way from here."

"Sorry?" Gwaine asked, confused.

Merlin needed to regain his magic on his own, though he regretted he couldn't be honest with Gwaine. The less he knew about Merlin's powers, the safer he'd be. "You needn't come any further. I'll be fine."

"How will you get back to Camelot? There are bandits everywhere."

"Once I have what I'm looking for, I'll be perfectly safe. I promise you."

"What are you looking for?"

"I can't tell you that, Gwaine. You just have to trust me. You should get going—Arthur will need you by his side."

Gwaine looked around in disbelief. Merlin had always been scrappy, but he was likely to find himself in trouble. He had always trusted Merlin, though, and now was no exception, so he agreed to go. He held his sword out to him.

"Look after yourself, Merlin," he said as Merlin grabbed the hilt. "You know to use the sharp end, right?"

Merlin laughed. "Yeah."

"I hope you find what you're looking for," Gwaine said as they grasped arms in goodbye.

As he turned to leave, Merlin called out. "Gwaine? Think about what I said about Marian. She loves you more than you know."

Gwaine nodded and left Merlin at the cave's entrance.

The army was encamped at the Pass of Camlann. Hospital tents were pitched and campfires lit. Marian rode with Gaius, prepared to treat the injuries that the battle would undoubtedly bring. The atmosphere was subdued as the sun went down, and all they could do was wait until morning.

Unable to sleep, Marian walked out of the hospital tent to one of the fire pits outside and sat up against a log, staring into the dancing flames. This was the battle she had feared since coming to Camelot. She wasn't powerful, nor could she fight trained soldiers. The only thing she would be able to do was patch up men and endlessly worry.

Everything in her nightmares was coming true and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop it. Arthur would be mortally wounded and Gwaine was destined to die by Morgana's hand. She swore to herself that should Arthur, Gwaine, or any of her friends become wounded, the law be damned, she would use her magic to save them all.

She pulled her legs close and hugged her knees. Hiding her face from the warmth of the fire, she wallowed in regret and sorrow. She closed her eyes, pushing miserable tears down her face, until she felt the presence of another sitting on the log beside her.

"I was wondering if I'd be able to find you before the battle," Gwaine said as he looked down at his feet.

"I don't want to argue, Gwaine."

He sighed. "Neither do I, but… I need you to grant me a favor."

She looked up at him and, seeing the despair in his eyes, she nodded for him to continue.

"If the battle goes wrong, promise me you will run away. Don't be a hero. Go back to Camelot, find someone to love, and make a dozen babies. Just don't stay here to die."

Marian turned back to the fire. "How can I?" I love you. "How can I go on without you, Gwaine? Without you… I… I can't… exist."

He slid down to the ground in front of her and brushed her hair back, cupping her face in his hands.

"You must live, Marian. I can fight in battle, and I can die happy knowing that you will live. Please, do this one last thing for me, my love. Please."

There was such desperation in his eyes, more than she'd ever seen, and it frightened her. Nothing from before mattered anymore. No hurt or pining or anger. They were on the precipice of death, both clamoring to keep their balance.

"I will," she said tearfully. "For you."

He breathed a sigh of relief and gave her a small smile. He stared at her a moment longer before he leaned over and kissed her softly. "I love you, Marian. With my whole heart," he said as he stood to go back to his tent.

She watched him as her eyes filled with tears. I love you.

"What's going on?" Marian asked as Gwen entered the hospital tent.

"Morgana is going to attack tonight!"

She panicked. "What? No, this is too fast! Gwen, it's too fast!"

The queen held her by the shoulders and gently shook her. "Marian, get a hold of yourself!" She pulled her in for a hug and tried to soothe her. "You will be safe here."

Marian pulled away. "It's not me I'm worried about, Gwen."

Gwen smoothed her hair from her face. "Marian, should Gwaine be injured, you will have to use your magic regardless of the law," she said, misunderstanding Marian's fear.

She wanted to tell Gwen that it wasn't okay, that it was the end of everything they loved. However, telling Gwen she'd seen Arthur's death would do nothing but worry her, so Marian nodded but kept silent.

"Now, let's get everything set up," Gwen said as she smiled softly. "We have a long night ahead of us."

The air was abuzz with fear as Gaius walked into the tent. "It's started."

Marian gasped. This was it. This was the end of the legends. The brutal end to King Arthur's reign.

As the battle wore on, more and more of Camelot's finest were brought to the tent, some of their own volition, and others on stretchers. Marian's heart pounded harder every time the flap opened, terrified that someone would drag Gwaine's body into the tent. But she couldn't dwell on her fears with patients flooding the tent and Saxons attacking.

Gwen stood watch as Marian and Gaius worked to save the knights' lives. She was like a madwoman with the sword, the queen protecting her people. Marian was proud of her and smiled when their eyes met. Gwen was the woman the legends deserved.

"Gaius! My lady!" a guard shouted from outside the tent. "Sir Elyan has returned with a message!"

"Go," Marian said when they looked over at her. "I'll be fine."

After only a moment of quiet, a Saxon snuck into the tent. Marian was tending to an injured soldier's arm when he suddenly cried out. "Behind you!"

When she turned around, the Saxon elbowed her in the face, knocking her to the ground, and then he killed her patient.

"No!" Marian screamed as she clamored for the fallen soldier's sword.

Not the least bit intimidated by her, the Saxon laughed. He was at least a foot taller than she was, and his muscled arms flexed hard as he prepared to attack.

She held the weapon in front of her, remembering Gwaine's lessons.

It's not just about strength, but also guessing the next move, Gwaine had told her. You must anticipate where the next blow will come from.

Marian's arms ached with effort as she blocked each swing. She desperately needed to get on the offensive, but every time she tried, he blocked.

You must control your expressions, where you're looking. You must hide your intentions, Marian.

She feigned left and then spun to slash the Saxon's arm.

Fights between skilled warriors are only won when someone makes a mistake and slips up.

To say the Saxon was angry would be an understatement. He growled as their swords clashed and pushed Marian back against a table.

There are no rules.

She blindly searched for the knife she knew would be there and grasped it just as the Saxon grabbed hold of her sword.

This isn't to first blood, beautiful. It's to the death.

With his belly left unguarded, Marian plunged the knife into his gut. Surprised, he let go of her sword and took a step back. Just as he pulled the knife out, Marian held her sword tight and ran him through.

"Thank you, Gwaine," she said as she grinned.

A commotion outside caught her attention. Thunder boomed and men screamed. She ran out of the tent and watched as a silhouetted figure stood on a cliff above the action and commanded the elements. Lightning rained down on the battle below, striking down almost all the Saxons. Marian grinned. Merlin had regained his powers, after all.

Gwen turned to Gaius in awe. "Who is that?"

"Someone truly remarkable," Gaius replied.

"You know him?"

"Let's just say he deserves our gratitude."

At first daylight, with the battle won, the Saxons retreated. Gaius went down to the battlefield to look for Arthur and other survivors but didn't return. No one knew what had happened to them. Marian walked across the battlefield, looking for survivors. She said a silent prayer for each one of the fallen as she searched for any sign of her friends. Leon and Elyan had found Gwen after the Saxons retreated, but Marian hadn't seen Gwaine or Percival since before the battle. She tried to stay calm, each step making her heart pound in her chest.

She returned to the hospital tent to let Gwen know she had found no survivors. Before she reached it, she ran into Percival.

"Watch out, little healer."

"Thank god you're alright," Marian said as she hugged him. When she pulled back, she frowned at the various cuts and bruises on his arms and face.

"Don't worry. I gave as good as I got," Percival said, smiling at her. He pointed to her face. "Looks like you did too."

She smiled up at him. "Killed the bastard."

"Gwaine will be proud."

"Have… have you seen him? Is he okay?" she asked, desperate for good news.

Percival nodded and pointed to the tent. "He's getting patched up. He won't settle, though."

Marian nodded. "Thanks, Percival."

Gwaine's shouting could be heard from at least ten feet away from the tent. "What do you mean, she stayed? She swore to me that she'd flee! Gwen, she's still out there!"

"Calm down, Gwaine. Let me at least finish your bandage before you—"

Marian walked into the tent. Gwaine was pulling his tunic on over untied bandages while he tried to stand.

"I need to finish with the bandages! Gwaine!"

"I have to find her! She could be dead! She could—"

Marian sighed as relief fell over her. "Gwaine?"

He turned toward the flap and choked on a sob when he saw her. She looked feral, with a black eye, torn tunic, and wild hair. She was sweaty and dirty and alive.

"Marian!"

Bandages forgotten, he ran to her and pulled her into a fierce embrace. "You're alive, you're alive," he said as he buried his face in her hair.

"I'm sorry I didn't run away. I couldn't leave while every—"

"I don't care, Marian. You're alive, and I don't care about any of that."

Marian looked up at him and smiled. "When I couldn't find you, I thought you were—"

Gwaine cupped her face and kissed her.

Alive.