Even by his usual standards, Jacob was more of a miserable prick than usual.
Joseph noticed the shift immediately, and noted that the sour disposition seemed to coincide with the swift and sudden disappearance of his house guest. His older brother was isolating himself again, withdrawn and angry with everyone, it felt like.
His curiosity about the new situation piqued, Joseph decided to try and investigate the matter, to see what he could find out about the situation with Katie before he confronted Jacob with his findings, but to Joseph's surprise, Jacob had guarded the presence of Katherine Wakefield like a state secret. There wasn't a soul in his flock who knew Jacob had been keeping company in his cabin, let alone female company. Some didn't even know about his cabin in the Whitetails; they'd just assumed he was splitting his time between Seed Ranch, the construction site of the bunker, and St. Francis. To amplify Joseph's surprise, even that Holmes fellow Jacob counted on at the veteran's center didn't know a thing about her.
So, with nothing but his suspicions, Joseph bit the bullet and caught his brother alone one overcast afternoon at the bunker site. Several weeks had passed since she'd vanished, and Jacob's moods weren't improving. Joseph had tried to pry for all the details he could about him and Katie's relationship and her whereabouts, but Jacob had shut him down. Eager for something, Joseph had asked about the missing girl Katie was searching for, but Jacob gave him nothing.
"You don't need to worry about a thing, Joseph," Jacob had told him. "None of it matters, not even a little bit. All you need to know is the trouble's passed and she's never coming back."
Seeing the turmoil in his oldest brother's eyes, Joseph had acquiesced Jacob's request to leave things alone. Before he'd retreated from the site, Joseph had gently reminded his wounded brother that he'd done what he had to, and that everything was happening as The Voice had intended. Joseph could see that Jacob wasn't soothed by Joseph's words; in fact, it seemed to upset him further. Joseph commended Jacob on passing his test and solving the problem that was threatening the Project. Jacob had only shrugged before walking off to take care of something. Joseph watched Jacob's retreating figure, lips pursed into a thin, disapproving line. Whatever he'd done to that poor woman, Joseph was concerned Jacob's faith would become strained as a result.
As it turned out, Jacob wasn't willing to talk about her with anyone. He wasn't even willing to speak her name, and it only confirmed to Joseph that the Wakefield woman meant more to him than he was willing to admit to anyone, perhaps even himself. When they were young, poor, and starving, neglected by the world, Katie had wanted Jacob. She was kind to Joseph, and later John, but she'd been drawn to Jacob. Joseph supposed old feelings had created new wounds, but any attempt to speak of it was met with stonewalling and dirty looks, and then a reminder that it was all in the past, and the past didn't matter. All that mattered now was preparing for the Collapse, and the new world that was set to follow. Joseph was pleased that Jacob had put himself back on his path, finding his new purpose.
As the months passed following her departure, hostility between the Project and the locals were quickly reaching a breaking point. Eli Palmer began asking the right questions about the cages and sandbags, about the wolves and the Bliss and experiments, and civil war quickly broke out within the walls of St. Francis. Palmer had learned quickly that Jacob was a bright, tactical mind, and it wasn't long before Eli and his handful of supporters fled St. Francis, into the Whitetails to some undisclosed location. They vowed to destroy the Project. Jacob wasn't taking the threat lightly.
If Jacob had to be honest with himself, he was grateful there was something else on his plate to keep him busy.
He'd gone back to the cabin once, the night she'd left, to make sure she was gone. He'd sat at the kitchen table until the sun set, sipping black coffee, and when the kitchen was encased in darkness, he'd dragged himself up and out, locking the place up behind him. Back to St. Francis, back to that small, uncomfortable cot that was somehow the most comfortable thing in the world to him. He had no reason to go back there, so he didn't.
In the wake of Katherine Wakefield's disappearance, Joseph noted the reaction was a tale of two brothers. Jacob was clearly mourning something, throwing himself into any and everything to keep himself occupied and moving forward. John, however, was downright giddy that she was gone.
Since that disastrous dinner with Katherine at Seed Ranch, Jacob seemed to be avoiding John, from what Joseph could tell. Joseph wished that his brother could let that evening go, that he could see things from John's perspective. He supposed that would come with time.
John couldn't hide how thrilled he was at the development that Kate was gone, but it was always followed by the complaint that Joseph hadn't allowed John to handle the situation himself. Exasperated, Joseph had to constantly remind his little brother that it was Jacob's test. Jacob's fight. It had nothing to do with John.
Faith appeared to be neutral about the current developments, but Joseph could feel the empathy she held for Jacob. Somewhere, underneath the radar, Faith and Jacob had forged some kind of rapport. Whenever Jacob wasn't looking, Joseph could see Faith shooting him sympathetic glances, sad, crooked smiles. Joseph had tried to pry information from Faith as well, but Jacob wasn't telling her anything, either. Once again, Jacob was internalizing. Joseph wished he'd talk.
But he was fascinated by the way Faith and Jacob had connected. Like siblings. Faith had taken to Jacob's advice and teachings like a fish to water. When she couldn't wrangle Joseph's ear, she sought Jacob out for advice, and Joseph noted the improvements in her skills and leadership as a result. Rachel Jessop may not have been the first woman to wear the name Faith Seed, but she was proving to be the most devoted Faith he'd ever had.
Joseph was fine allowing Jacob time to grieve the loss of his first love — not that Jacob would ever admit such a thing — but soon Jacob was skipping family dinners and meetings, citing duties at the bunker, armory, or St. Francis. Joseph wasn't stupid; ever since the poisoning, Jacob was finding every excuse not to go back to Seed Ranch. Now that the Wakefield woman was gone, Joseph was eager to make Jacob remember that Seed Ranch was not tainted. It was a place for all of them to be a family.
Joseph had concerns that Jacob was pushing himself too hard. The circles underneath Jacob's eyes seemed to grow darker by the day, and he knew his brother was working through meals and neglecting to care for himself. As the days passed, Joseph became concerned that Jacob was going to burn himself out.
This time, Joseph had pinned him down at the bunker site. He'd noted the quiet resentment and anger burning in Jacob's eyes as Joseph bluntly and sternly told Jacob that his presence was required at John's for a family dinner and meeting. Jacob had sighed and agreed, but Joseph thought he'd heard Jacob grumbling under his breath as he walked off, hands jammed into the pocket of his jeans.
Joseph was the first to arrive for Sunday dinner at Seed Ranch, driven from his compound by a young follower named Andrew. He arrived in a gleaming black sedan, riding shotgun, looking out the window at the air strip as the car rolled to a stop. Stepping out of the vehicle, Joseph smoothed imaginary wrinkles out of his gray vest and slacks. He took in the approaching sunset and took a lungful of fresh air before he made his way towards open French doors. He found John in the kitchen, a white apron covering his blue satin button-down shirt and his black jeans. The meal smelled incredible, the scents of rosemary, lemon, and salmon wafting in the air.
"You seem to be outdoing yourself tonight," Joseph greeted. John looked over at Joseph and grinned.
"We're celebrating tonight, brother." John's giddiness felt infectious. "Ding-dong, the bitch is gone, and we've finally got our brother back."
"John." Removing his yellow sunglasses, Joseph pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and shut his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. "You will speak respectfully, or you will not speak at all."
"But Joseph…"
"And for all that is good, do not speak like this in front of Jacob."
John made a noise of protest, the joy he'd felt only seconds before slightly evaporating at Joseph's admonishment. His smile faltered slightly, and the sparkle in his electric blue eyes dulled. John nodded. "Yes, Joseph."
Faith was the next to arrive, brought by one of her followers in the Henbane, a high priestess named Misty. Her head rested against the seat, her eyes hazy and skin flushed, dressed in her white lace dress like an ethereal wood nymph. She was happy to see another vehicle on the lot. Faith didn't care if it was Jacob or Joseph waiting inside, she just didn't want to be left alone with John.
Stepping out of her truck in her bare feet, Faith shut the door with a mumbled token of gratitude before she turned and padded across the driveway, non-reactive to the rocks digging into her bare feet. Pain was barely registering for her at the moment, a wonderful, magical consequence of the Bliss she'd snorted in the truck on the way over.
With Bliss swimming in her bloodstream, Faith felt content. Things were going well in the Henbane, and she couldn't wait to report that to Joseph. Her bunker was going to be done in the coming days, and the monument she was having constructed for Joseph wasn't far behind, barring any vandals, lawsuits, or obstructions. She'd already had to make an appearance to an elderly couple to ease tensions over the construction noise, and she was still proud of the way she'd smoothed things over.
The cherry on top of all her success? She'd finally perfected the Bliss.
She was so very aware of the way the white skirt of her dress swirled around her legs as she walked and spun towards the steps. The evening breeze felt lovely in her hair, on her skin. As she stepped into the house, she smiled at the sight of Joseph emerging from the kitchen. His eyes fell on her, his nose crinkled, and he nodded.
"Faith."
"It smells so good in here," she blurted.
As he drew closer, Joseph's nose crinkled. "You've come from the Observatory."
"Yes. I lost track of time."
"I see. How are things?"
"Wonderful. I'm happy to report the Bliss is ready." Moving past Joseph, Faith sat down on Joseph's leather loveseat, crossing her ankles and placing her hands in her lap to look prim and proper. Joseph nodded, appearing thoughtful.
"I am pleased to hear this."
While John worked on dinner, Joseph sat in John's armchair in front of the fireplace and watched the clock. Faith rose at one point, at John's request, to set the table. While she worked, Joseph watched the time, his eyes narrowing. It was close to dinner, the sunset was growing more vibrant outside, and still there was no sign of Jacob.
It was moments before John was set to serve dinner that Joseph's attention was caught by the sound of tires on the road outside. Joseph rose, looking outside to see Jacob's truck pulling up beside the white Eden's Gate truck Faith had arrived in. Jacob, true to form, had driven himself, refusing to ask anyone to take time out of their tasks and schedules to chauffeur him around. Getting out of the truck, Jacob slammed the door behind him, not bothering to lock up behind him.
Joseph greeted Jacob on the front step. "Jacob…"
"Lost track of time," Jacob grumbled when he was within earshot. "Did I miss dinner?"
Joseph offered Jacob a smile. "No, brother. You're right on time."
As he stepped over the threshold, Jacob had to admit that whatever John had made smelled incredible. His stomach rumbled and rolled the moment its aroma hit his nostrils. He didn't want to think about how long it had been since he'd had anything resembling an actual meal. If he had to be honest, if it weren't for Clayton, he'd probably go weeks without eating anything proper.
He looked over at Faith and nodded. She smiled back at him. From where he was standing, Jacob could tell she'd violated the cardinal sin of getting high on her own supply.
"It's about time you got here, brother."
Jacob looked over at John as he emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands on his apron. Jacob shrugged.
"Lost track of time."
John shot a look at Joseph, who wordlessly told him to drop the subject. Examining his older brother, Joseph could see the dirt underneath Jacob's nails, smudges of dirt, mud, and concrete on his hands, and he knew where his brother had been. Following John's gaze, Joseph nodded.
"Why don't you go wash up, Jacob? We'll be waiting."
Looking at his hands, Jacob nodded. "Yeah. Sorry. Came straight over."
Joseph watched Jacob disappear up the steps, headed for the bathroom. Jacob was already counting the minutes until dinner was over and he could get back in his truck and head over to St. Francis. He still had lots of work to do, with no real end in sight. That was the life of the Project's Head of Security.
Last week, John had purchased the Grandview Hotel, handing the keys to Jacob. He assured Jacob he was working on the F.A.N.G. Center, but confessed the Fowler brothers were holding their ground. It felt like an olive branch, given everything, and Jacob was fine with accepting it. He knew if anyone was going to be able to get their hands on the property, it was John. Jacob could think of a lot of things he could do with a spot like the F.A.N.G. Center — and with that bear, Cheeseburger, too — but clearly, the Fowler brothers weren't willing to do anything in the name of the greater good. It was selfish.
Jacob avoided looking at his own reflection as he washed his hands, scrubbing the dirt and grime from his skin. His face twisted in distaste at the clutter of expensive bottles and jars of premium skin and haircare that lined the counter. His eyes falling on a black and gold bottle, Jacob raised an eyebrow. "The fuck is beard butter?" he murmured to himself.
He didn't need to look up to know that he looked like shit. He'd been hearing the whispers around St. Francis for a while. People said he looked tense, stressed, and tired. He was. Jacob hoped to quickly squash whatever little rebellion Eli and his merry band of misfits had planned, but it wasn't proving to be the case. When it came to protecting his family, to protecting Joseph's vision, there were no lengths Jacob wasn't willing to go to. Eli would soon find that out.
He dried his hands, leaving the towel rumpled and disheveled on the rack as a form of malicious compliance before he walked back downstairs to find everyone sitting at the table. Faith looked up at Jacob as he came down the steps and smiled. It took a lot of willpower for him to not roll his eyes in response. Ever since she'd gone, Faith was constantly looking at him like he was some kind of wounded animal, and it was grinding his gears in the worst way. Faith thought he couldn't see her doing it, but he could. He saw everything. That was literally his job.
God, Jacob hated pity. Pity was for the weak, and Jacob wasn't weak.
He was strong.
Sitting in his chair, it dawned on Jacob that John had set his place in the spot where Katie had been poisoned. He knew it was on purpose, so he didn't react, though his mood only soured further.
"Now that Jacob has joined us, let us say grace," Joseph told the table softly. Faith and Joseph reached out to take Jacob's hands, but he kept them in his lap, his eyes on his empty plate instead. Exchanging glances, Faith and Joseph took the hint and let their hands rest on the tabletop. They bowed their heads while Joseph blessed the meal they were about to receive and praised The Voice for keeping them all safe and together.
While they ate, Joseph went around the table, asking each of them about their progress in their regions. John's bunker was completed, and he was working on more properties in the Whitetail Mountains and procuring the radio stations. Jacob quietly asked him to keep trying for the F.A.N.G. Center.
"The Fowler brothers are really digging their heels in, but I'll get them to say yes," John assured him confidently. Jacob nodded. John also talked about the construction of his YES sign, an eyesore that was going to sit on the mountains overlooking Holland Valley. Everyone not named John Seed thought it was a stupid, egotistical idea, but Joseph understood John needed healthy outlets.
Jacob had rolled his eyes when Joseph told him that.
Faith had lots of good news, too. The only bad news came in the form of her Bliss experiments. She called her test subjects "angels". She confessed the results weren't coming up very good with people, and she was trying to figure out if the effects could be reversed. But she revealed the high amounts of Bliss she'd given them made them docile and freakishly strong, which made them valuable hands in multiple areas.
Jacob grumbled and mumbled his way through his update. Everyone seemed to be further ahead, but Jacob knew it was because his siblings weren't stretched as thin as he was. As the oldest, Jacob shouldered the most responsibilities. His men were installing wolf beacons around the county for Bliss experiments. He was training elite soldiers. Building a bunker. Fortifying a fortress. Building an armory. All of it was going well, but there was still plenty of work to be done.
After dinner was over, as Jacob was eyeing the exit, John emerged from the kitchen with a pie in his hand. Faith clapped her hands together and squealed like an excited child.
"Ooh! Dessert! What's the occasion?"
"The occasion is our oldest brother finally came home for dinner."
Jacob's eyes narrowed. John placed the apple pie in the middle of the table. "Got one of our girls, Holly, to pick this up at Sunrise Farms this afternoon," John announced gleefully. As the most hated Seed in all of Hope County, it was almost impossible for John to go and purchase anything in the area.
"It is nice to have you here tonight," Faith offered with a smile. Jacob grunted. He didn't like any of this one bit. He watched John cut pieces for everyone. After sliding the last plate to Jacob, John took his seat across from his older brother.
"Everything good at the cabin?" John asked casually, taking a bite of his pie. Jacob shot his brother a sharp look. Joseph looked at John with chagrin. Ignoring the sudden shift in mood, John looked over at Jacob. "I heard the water levels at the ravine out there are a bit higher than normal right now. Might want to take some precautions, if you know what I mean."
Jacob didn't. But he nodded nonetheless. "Noted."
"What is he talking about?" Joseph asked. Jacob shrugged.
"Beats me, Joseph."
"It's okay to talk about it with us, brother," John assured him. "There are no secrets in this house. You know that."
Jacob nodded. He really had no idea how to respond. All of this felt weird.
"John is right," Joseph told him gently. "Whatever it is you had to do, you had your reasons. You do not need to bear any guilt. It is as it needs to be."
Jacob sighed. "Yeah, I think it's time for me to go." Placing his fork down next to his half-eaten pie, Jacob rose.
"What?" John couldn't hide his offense. Jacob didn't care.
"Jacob, stay."
Joseph's voice was commanding, but Jacob shook his head. They were being too weird. Joseph glared at Jacob's back as he walked out of the house, shaking his head. It figured that all three Seed boys would be varying degrees of crazy, Jacob supposed. For years he'd thought he was the craziest one, the broken soldier, but it turned out Joseph and his doomsday prophecies edged him out by a country mile.
He was halfway to the truck when he heard his name on the wind. Turning, he watched as Faith made her way towards him, moving carefully over the rocks. "Jacob, please wait a second," Faith pleaded. Leaning against the hood of his truck, Jacob crossed his arms over his chest as she approached.
"Wanna tell me why everyone's acting so goddamned weird?" he asked.
"Everyone's just worried about you," Faith told him. Over her shoulder, Jacob could see John and Joseph standing in the doorway. His attention was drawn back to Faith when she put a hand on his arm. "You don't look so good, Jacob."
He grunted. He was fine. Why was everyone on his ass all of a sudden?
"I know you loved her, Jacob. It's okay."
He blinked. "What?"
"Jacob. Oh, brother Jacob. Nobody here blames you for what you had to do to protect us. I can't imagine how you're feeling, but it's not your fault, Jacob."
Looking up at the sky, Jacob huffed. "Yeah. I can't do this right now. I gotta go."
Turning to make his way towards the driver's side door, Faith moved quickly, grabbing his arm. He jolted, turning, yanking himself out of her grip. "Faith —!"
"Where did you bury her, Jacob?"
His eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"
"I know I didn't know her like you did, Jacob, but she was kind. I'd like to take some flowers to her if I could…"
Rubbing his eyes with his thumbs, Jacob sighed. "Who did I bury, Faith? You're gonna have to be specific."
"Your friend. The reporter…"
Faith clamped her mouth shut at the sharp glare Jacob gave her. There was a long silence between them as Jacob began piecing things together. Finally, he rolled his eyes. "For fuck sakes," he grumbled. Looking at Faith, who had fallen back a step in fear, Jacob yanked the door of his truck open. Through the open window, he shook his head. "She's not dead. She went home. Don't bother me with this shit again."
Faith moved out of the way quickly. Jacob started the truck and peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing. He needed to get back to the Whitetails, away from everyone and their stupidity, from their prying eyes and intrusive questions.
Fucking Faith.
Here he was, spending months doing everything in his power not to think about her, and she had to go and fuck it all up for him.
As she watched Jacob's truck disappear from her view, Faith's lips pursed into a sad smile. Her brother was a good man. Always placing their needs ahead of his own. There was a wistful pang in her chest. She'd hoped this reporter would have been a chance for Jacob to be happy. It hurt her to know that it wasn't the case.
Turning, she made her way back towards the ranch, where John and Joseph were bickering. At least Faith had been able to solve one piece of Jacob's puzzle. But she knew John was going to be unhappy with the revelation that he'd let Katie leave.
Jacob only felt himself relax when he crossed the bridge that linked Holland Valley to the Whitetail Mountains. He knew that he'd be receiving an earful from Joseph in the next day or two, but he wasn't all that concerned about it. Jacob didn't know what his brothers expected. It felt like they'd lured him to Seed Ranch just to gang up on him. He'd told Joseph things were fine, that everything was under control and he'd handled business and protected them. Jacob didn't know why Joseph wasn't accepting that. All the poking and prodding, and all Jacob wanted was to do his job in peace.
He felt himself smile as St. Francis came into view. John had purchased the cabin and told him to make it home, but to Jacob, nowhere beat St. Francis. He parked his truck and climbed out. There were only a handful of people working outside. He nodded at them as he made his way inside.
Jacob made it to his command center without being accosted, and he was thankful for that. Shutting the doors behind him, Jacob released a sigh and shrugged out of his camouflage shirt, hanging it on a hook. Someone — probably Clayton's wife Jody — had done his laundry, leaving the small pile neatly folded on his cot.
Picking up the book he'd been reading from the table, Jacob made his way over to the cot, sitting down, leg propped up against the frame as he opened to where the bookmark was. He scanned over the elegant handwriting, his lips pursing into a thin line.
I'm so sorry, Jacob. For everything. I don't know what exactly you're involved in, but you're worth more than whatever it is. Take care of yourself. I'm sorry.
His first instinct when he'd found it, stuck to the cover of his book in the cabin, was to ball it up and throw it out. But for whatever reason, he couldn't.
Now, it was his favorite bookmark.