Thel 'Vadam
The engines roared as we snuck in to fight planetside, it was a three-man team: Me, Zardoz, and Tilk. I looked at Tilk, his armor was emblazoned with writing that said 'born to kill' and he had a peace sign on his helmet... An odd duck. He hated the war but he fought like a maniac. Zardoz, though... he was my best friend, my brother.
"How's the kid doing?"
"Zill is doing well in school, wifes doing all right."
I frowned as Tilk messed about with his music player, Zardoz looked at me with annoyance.
"No 'fortunate one'."
"It's a good song."
Tilk looked petulant.
"You have been playing it for every fucking opt."
"And we came back every opt."
I looked at Zardoz.
"It's annoying as hell but he has a point."
The music started and I felt annoyed.
"Some folks are born made to wave the flag
They're white and purple too."
And when the band plays "Hail to the faith."
They point the cannon at you, Lord."
I am so sick of this song.
"It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no Prophet's son, son
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no fortunate one."
Seriously it's basically become the song everyone associates with this war.
"Some folks are born golden spoon in hand
Lord, don't they help themselves, yeah
But when the taxman comes to the door
The house looks like a rummage sale."
Ok, that part was true. There was way too much tax evasion.
"It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no zillionaire's son, no, no
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no fortunate one."
Where the fuck did this song even come from? It just came out of nowhere and now it's everywhere.
"Yeah, some folks inherit star-spangled eyes
They send you down to war
And when you ask 'em, "How much should we give?"
They only answer, "More, more, more"
I slapped the music player out of his hands and the song stopped. That was one of the worst parts of this war, the endless repetition of 'fortunate one'.
"That's bad luck, Thell."
I turned my head we flew on in silence. Zardoz looked at me.
"I've been studying the enemy's language."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. It's a bitch and a half but I've cracked it. Well... Smarter people did that for me but I understand it now."
I nodded my head.
"Good."
I looked at the ground.
"Why are we here?"
I looked at Tilk.
"Heresy, Tilk."
"And going in all guns blazing is supposed to fix that? It's been cycles, man! Entire fucking cycles of this shit. Maybe if we sat down and talked to Huey, we could get him to compromise? Hells, we could have avoided this whole thing."
"Huey isn't going to stop until we stop him."
"Maybe it's because we're trying to kill him, maybe this whole thing is a fucking waste of time."
I went up to slap him and Zardoz got up.
"Things were said in the heat of the moment."
"Zar-"
"Things were said in the heat of the moment and we are going to ignore it because we are heading to a Huey base and if we fight amongst each other we will all die."
The engines died.
"Well, gentlemen, it's time."
I nodded my head, 'bout time.
The glow, the blue fucking glow of the enemies' forcefields... It seemed like everything the nobles had was shielded, it was an insane thing the sheer expense they poured into this shit. It made me hate their nobles more, to put so much effort into protecting themselves and leaving the commoners to die. Then they started getting their act together, the kill fields were going up in commoner territory, force fields were becoming more available. That made me hate them even more, because while the enemy was getting his shit together we were floundering.
All the good leaders died during the Harvest. Now it's just bootlickers political appointees, assholes who bought themselves a commission with daddy's money. We racked our plasma rifles.
"Go silent, don't alert anyone."
The other two nodded and we left the Phantom, we went on foot to the glow and brought out our shovels. The local star was shining, the desert wind was blowing, and the sand was everywhere. Gods, I hated sand. We were near a dune, outside visual range and we started digging.
"The vids never talk about this."
Tilk was complaining, he did that a lot but he did his job. The hole was dug and we waited for nightfall. Then, under cover of darkness, we carefully tried to avoid being seen by cameras as we set up explosives. We separated, the three of us. The base was small, just a bunch of prefabs stuck in the same place. My heart pounded as we walked around, and then we met up. Zardoz looked haunted as we got out and escaped. the charges went off and, while Tilk and I cheered, Zardoz just looked at the base with a kind of resigned horror.
I sent tilk out to radio for pick up, away from us to make sure the enemy didn't get all of us, while we made a fire.
"We destroyed their base."
I felt a heavy satisfaction.
"That wasn't a military base."
"It had a shield."
"Everything is shielded out here."
"Then what was it?"
"A field hospital. We destroyed a field hospital, a civilian field hospital."
"The fuck? Intel said-"
"Intel was wrong! I actually checked inside, got some of their files."
He pulled out a data slate.
"What I found was big."
"What do you mean big?"
"They found the cure."
I stared at him.
"For what?"
"The flood... The single worst plague our civilization has ever dealt with, they found a cure for it."
"That... isn't possible."
"They're giving their people the vaccine, they have files on it on how it works... I think this is legit."
I frowned.
"No. That is not possible."
"We've both seen worlds that had to be glassed because of an outbreak, Thel! If this is true, and I think it is, then... this could end the war, Thel."
I froze.
"What?"
"We've spent centuries looking for a cure, it's one of the most holy quests we have! No species who cracked it can be entirely evil. No species who cracks it is worthy of complete extermination. This is something we have always wanted! We have to leak this, give this to the public."
"Why?"
"Because this could end the war! Once people know humans found a cure... We could stop this, we could make a deal with them in exchange for the cure, we could end the war. I could go home and see my Zill."
"If we do that then all of the people that died, they will have died for nothing. We would be betraying their memory, we would be betraying our country."
"If we do this we could save millions of lives, maybe even billions, Thel."
I got up.
"We need to destroy that file."
He got up.
"No."
"Destroy that file. That's an order, we can't let that information get out."
"We have to, it's our moral duty."
"Zardoz-"
"We can't let this war go on, not after this, not anymore. If you want the files... you're going to have to kill me."
"Don't make me choose between my empire and you, you're like a brother to me."
I felt my chest get heavy.
"Then look me in the eyes when you do it and tell my Zell I love him."
The wind blew, the desert sand moving across the plains. I pulled out my plasma rifle and shot him, the single best friend I ever had. He dropped to his knees, dead, as the double moons glowed over the desert. I picked up the data slate and looked at it, the cure, and I threw it to the ground and smashed it.
At the time I was doing it for my father, for my siblings, for everyone who died in this war, so that their sacrifice would not be in vain. But a part of me died inside that day, my innocence died that day and the memory of what I did would haunt me forever.
They gave us leave, after Zardoz died, to be at his funeral.
I was back home, staring at a fan that was just a little too loud. I had the radio set to static. Then music played.
"This is the end, beautiful friend,
This is the end, my only friend.
The end of our elaborate plans,
The end of everything that stands,
The end, no safety no surprise,
The end, I'll never look into your eyes again."
I knew this song. I looked around and suddenly I was back there, at that ruined temple.
"No."
The song played as I rushed into the temple, the one with the dead man on a stick. The ragged Radioman was there.
"I killed you."
"Yes, you did."
"I killed you!"
The grunt had that same calm, that same unnatural calm.
"You're dead, your music is dead, your message-"
"You can't kill an Idea, Thel."
I froze.
"What?"
"You killed the man, but not the idea."
"I shot you in the fucking head."
"Radioman was never a person, Thel, not really. It was an idea, a message."
I pulled out my plasma rifle and shot him.
"It's not going to work."
I turned around and froze.
"Zardoz?"
I felt guilt and horror.
"No."
"Thell."
"NO!"
I woke up screaming, I looked at the radio.
"That's right, people! You can't stop the signal, baby, the Radioman is back! That was the end, this next song is white rabbit but before that a reminder: make love, not war."
The voice was different but this was another Radioman. I felt cold rage and I smashed the radio, then I threw it on the ground and stomped on it. It crackled and died and I stared at the mirror. I was getting weaker, just sitting here, just waiting here. I was becoming softer. Out there Huey was getting stronger, out there Huey was getting harder. I needed to be out there in the war, I needed to be fighting.
I screamed and punched the mirror. It shattered and I panted.
The door opened, Tilk looked at me.
"Thell."
"What?"
"Get fucking dressed."
He looked at me.
"I um."
"I miss him too. Damn, I miss him... but we have to keep it together. After the service we can fall apart, but right now we have to keep it together."
"Yeah... Keep it together."
The door closed and I put on a service outfit. On the ground were the shattered remnants of a mirror, I could see myself in the reflection.
I didn't like what I saw.
It didn't feel like home.
Fashion had changed, slang had changed, everything had changed except me. I looked around, looking at the faces of people who had not been through war. I looked at propaganda posters, they looked so cheap now, so unconvincing, all of them promising glory. Huey didn't let you have glory, Huey didn't like you having nice things. Huey was always out there always waiting, he could appear out of nowhere, choke you to death without touching you, shoot you with a pistol from half a mile away.
Those posters made it all look so easy, just go in and punch them. A punch wasn't enough to take Huey down, Huey evolved from some kind of endurance predator so he might be slow but he would just keep going keep on, until you were dead. Huey looked so weak, so spindly, so soft... but he did not stop.
Vids never mentioned that, never mentioned how he would keep going past the time when any other species would have collapsed from exhaustion. The hovercar stopped, I nodded at Tilk and we got up with the other 2 pallbearers. We got out, holding the casket. Music was played as we performed the traditional coffin dance, we had practiced and all of us were sober or sobered up. I kept it together, we got to the funeral pyro to send Zardoz to the great beyond.
I froze as I saw his son. He looked lost, almost as lost as I was.
I stole a father, I stole a husband, I stole a friend, the best one I had. I felt an incredibly sick feeling in my stomach, he raised his head and I couldn't look him in the eye. He stepped forward and put the torch on the pyre. We watched as the body of my friend burned. It was my duty to remain strong, to not show weakness.
I fell to my knees, tears ran down my face and I fell to the ground. Memories of childhood, memories of the friend I had, playing with me. He was gone, I had killed my best friend and the enormity of my crime hit me at once, all I could do was sob on the ground. I then saw a hand reach out, I looked up at the boy. He wasn't crying. Why was a child so much stronger than me? What was wrong with me.
"He loved you, Zell, more than anything."
I felt so much guilt, so much disgust at myself.
"I know."
He looked at me and I couldn't look him in the eye. The ceremony ended, despite me making a fool of myself. I wandered through the town, lost, haunted by the past and unable to make a way for myself. This didn't feel like home anymore. I looked into a window and saw my reflection, I looked away.
I had to make this worth it, had to win the war. The Prophets sent us into that nightmare for a reason. They wouldn't send my father, my brothers, send me and my friends to die, if they didn't have a good reason. I had to do this, had to win the war. For them, for all of them.
But most of all for Zardoz.