Chapter Thirty Three

"Absolutely I will let her know. Is Thursday next week at four good for you? Okay wonderful, thanks Brian. You have a fabulous day. Goodbye."

The extra bubbly voice filtered into Jane's ears as she entered the two story townhouse that housed Doctor Gloria Levinson's office. Jane closed the heavy set wooden door behind her and stepped into the front room. The practice held offices for a psychologist and social worker as well, and Emma was the young, slim, brunette receptionist responsible for all of their calendars.

It was hard to feel down in Emma's presence, which Jane considered to be quite the talent. She always wore one of the most radiant, disarming smiles that Jane had ever experienced. She couldn't help but feel a certain level of warmth every time she walked into reception to announce her attendance for her appointments in the past. The feeling of warmth wrapped itself around her like a blanket this afternoon too, which Jane welcomed because her worry for Melissa was at an all time high.

"Good afternoon Emma." Jane greeted with a smile of her own.

"Jane!" Emma's eyes lit up with excitement, "I'll let Doctor Levinson know you're here."

"Thanks Emma. I appreciate it." Jane said, motioning back over her shoulder towards the hall to indicate she would wait out there. There were several wooden chairs halfway down the hall opposite the stairs where people could wait for their appointment if they were early. Jane had rarely ever been anything other than right on time because she didn't like waiting around for other people to see her. If any waiting was to be done when she was still a client she'd sit in the car parked halfway up the street.

Today was different. Today she wasn't here for herself and she didn't care who did or didn't see her. All she cared about was making sure that Melissa was okay, so she took a seat and chewed nervously on her thumbnail. Her eyes constantly looked around her surroundings. She glanced down the hall further into the house, at the end of the hall she knew there was a kitchen, and there was at least one room used as an office for the psychologist. Upstairs were two more rooms, one which Doctor Levinson used and the other was used by the social worker. At least that's what Jane had managed to ascertain during her time in therapy.

Jane's eyes drifted towards the staircase when she heard footsteps approaching. She immediately stood once she was sure it was Doctor Levinson descending. "Gloria," she greeted warmly, but with some urgency. "What's going on?"

"Good afternoon Jane," Gloria greeted, motioning down the hall before continuing. "Come with me to the kitchen to make some tea."

Jane stared apprehensively at the psychiatrist for a moment before falling in stride behind her. She was aware that Gloria would be limited in what she could say due to confidentiality, but she was concerned enough to call and that left Jane with questions. "What can you tell me?"

Gloria motioned to a chair at a small table and closed the door behind them. She then put the kettle on to boil and asked, "Tea? Coffee?"

"No thank you." Jane shook her head, trying to not get frustrated by the psychiatrist's clear process. Patience wasn't one of her virtues at the best of times and yet she tried to settle her bouncing knee as she sat there watching Gloria glide around the kitchen.

Gloria sat down opposite Jane and said, "We have a few minutes, but then I would like it if you were to come upstairs with me. I think there are some important things that Melissa needs to tell you. Things she needs you to hear."

Jane sat there a little bewildered. She was under the impression that she and Melissa had a very open and honest communication style in their relationship. Yes there were times that things were difficult and they had to take their time, but for the most part there was a genuine willingness to speak and be heard by the both of them. So what on earth was Melissa keeping inside that caused her psychiatrist to call an impromptu couples counselling session? "This couldn't have waited?"

Gloria blew on her tea and took a sip, eyeing Jane over the brim of the cup. "No." Gloria paused for a moment and Jane could just feel something coming that she wasn't going to like. "I haven't told her I called you. I want to observe how she reacts to your presence."

Jane frowned, studying the psychiatrist equally as much as she felt she was being studied. "I'm not doing this if she doesn't want it."

"I won't force either of you to do anything you don't want to, Jane. That isn't my place. I suspect that she will welcome the suggestion. I just want to be sure you're okay with it before I present it to her, because I'm not sure she would do well having the option presented and you refusing to participate."

"You know I'm not a huge fan of therapy, but you've never steered me wrong." Jane admitted, already on her feet, impatient to get to helping Melissa and then to taking her home. "Let's do this."

Moments later they were up the stairs. Jane waited nervously outside of Gloria's office while the psychiatrist went inside to confer with Melissa. It was a strange sense of trepidation rolling through her body leaving Jane feeling on edge. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath to centre herself and tried to prepare for anything when she crossed the threshold into the room. Would Melissa be happy to see her in this setting? Was Gloria pushing too hard?

Jane needn't have worried as the moment she entered the room, with Gloria closing the door behind them, Melissa wrapped her arms around her and buried her face against her shoulder. Jane immediately relaxed into the hug, it was clearly what Melissa needed and she was starting to realise that her comfort level with a lot of things was increasing because of the woman trying to regain her composure against her body. "It's alright," Jane soothed, "I'm here now."

"I'm sorry you got called away from work. I didn't want that." Melissa murmured.

Jane pulled back to arms length, placed her hands on Melissa's shoulders and searched her face for all the things that weren't being said. For all the things that may have already been said that prompted the call in the first place. When their eyes locked she saw a brief glimmer of fear before the walls came back up. Why was her girlfriend putting walls up? More importantly, why was Melissa afraid of her? "Missy, what's wrong?"

Melissa's eyes darted to where Gloria had sat back down in her chair and Jane felt an intense surge of anxiety settle in her gut. Melissa shook her head almost violently and uttered, "I can't. I can't do this."

Jane shifted her focus briefly to Gloria and then back to her girlfriend. She was still gripping Melissa by the shoulders and had to force herself to let go, because she only wanted to cling more tightly. She took a step back. She didn't know what to do. Her instincts were at war with one another.

"I want the psych hold."

Melissa's voice had been so firm and confident that it took Jane a moment to process what was actually said and once she did her eyes went wide. Were things really that bad and Melisa hadn't told her? Why wasn't she telling her these things? Jane glanced at Gloria again and quietly said, "We need a minute."

She watched Gloria look at Melissa for approval and after her girlfriend nodded the psychiatrist quietly left the room. At which point Jane focused solely on Melissa. "Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?"

"Because." Melissa said quietly, shrugging her shoulders before sitting down on the couch and staring at her shoes.

"Because why? I can't help you if you don't ask, Missy."

"You can't fix this Jane. Not everything is fixable. I'm not fixable."

The despondency in her girlfriend's voice concerned Jane. She knelt down in front of her and reached out for her hands, thankful at least that she was allowed to take them into her own. Melissa still refused to make eye contact. "Where is this coming from?"

"Reality. Experience. I'm broken. I've always been broken. I'll always be broken."

"That's not true," Jane said, shaking her head. "Look at me," she demanded. "You're not broken. A little tarnished maybe, but not broken."

"That's what Gabby thought and look what I did to her." Melissa lifted her eyes, allowing Jane to see the tears and absolute devastation lingering in them.

Fucking Gabby.

Jane would happily tear Gabby limb from limb at this point if it wouldn't upset the two most important people in her life. Her poor choices were coming back around to haunt Melissa and she was sick and tired of it. "You didn't put a gun to her head and force her into anything, Missy. She chose it all. She chose to stay. She chose to leave. She chose to almost get herself killed. She did. Not you."

Melissa was looking at her, but she also looked like she was staring right through her. "I was so in love with her, Jane. We were happy. I mean really happy. Life finally made sense and then Rachael…"

"And then Rachael threw a spanner in the works. You didn't see it coming. It happens sometimes, Missy. You can't keep blaming yourself for that. Yes you were happy, but that doesn't preclude you from falling in love with someone else."

"Was it even love? I'm starting to wonder. I didn't think it was at the time, but now I'm so sure it was. Why? And if it wasn't, why would I blow it all up? Why?"

Jane shrugged, her heart aching so damn much for the heartache Melissa was reliving. She didn't have the answers. "I don't know."

"Yes you do," Melissa said firmly. "Because I'm fundamentally broken. I don't know how to be happy long term, Jane."

"Is that what this is all about?"

Melissa looked away. "I just want to drink, or fuck. It's too much. We're too much."

Jane's hands fell away as her entire body was rocked by Melissa's admission. All the different things she had been feeling faded into irrelevance as dread crawled along her spine. "What are you saying?"

The sudden alarm, followed by softness on Melissa's face as she slid from the couch and knelt in front of her pushed back the dread clawing at Jane's insides just a touch. "I'm saying that I don't want history to repeat. I don't want to lose you again, but I feel myself slipping. I'm scared, Jane. Terrified, actually."

Of course it sounded big and scary. Of course it sounded like doomsday. Because in Melissa's head it was. She wasn't trying to leave or do any of those things she apparently kept thinking about doing. She was fighting to stop herself from doing so and based on the look in her eyes she was being dragged under by the weight of it all. "What can I do?" Jane barely breathed out, bringing her forehead to rest against Melissa's.

"You can take care of Charlie so that I can get the help I need."

Melissa's hands cupped Jane's cheeks. There was a tenderness there that Jane cherished. "How long?"

"A few days, I dunno. Maybe more."

Silence engulfed them as Jane closed her eyes and contemplated what she was seeing in Melissa. She contemplated what she was hearing. Was their relationship too much like Melissa said? Was she expecting too much? Was she pressuring Melissa without realising it? Was she damaging her already fragile psyche? Was their relationship bad for the woman she loved?

"It's not you." Melissa whispered, her lips ghosting across Jane's. "It's me."

Talk about cliché. It wasn't a you or me situation as far as Jane was concerned it was a them one. They were a team. "It's not you either, it's us. I'm not going anywhere, Missy. I'm not making that mistake again. If you think this is what you need then I am here with you every step of the way."

"I need to do this alone, Jane. You can't come see me."

Jane rocked back on her heels. It hurt her in ways she couldn't begin to comprehend, but she tried to shake it off. Her desire to protect Melissa was overwhelming, but she had to listen to what was being said. She had to believe that Melissa was telling the truth when she said it wasn't about her. It was hard to do that with her girlfriend wanting to go it alone at one of the worst times of her life.

"This is exactly what I'm trying to avoid, Jane. I can't keep looking into your eyes and seeing how broken I am reflecting back in them. I want you to love me Jane, not pity me." Melissa stated quietly, using the couch to leverage herself back to her feet.

Jane looked up, wide eyed at Melissa. She was speechless. What could she say to that? She shook her head and stood up, still staring at Melissa. Her girlfriend was so close to her, but she felt so far away. She didn't pity her. She loved her. She absolutely loved her. Which was why despite feeling like a chasm was opening between them she simply nodded and said, "Take all the time you need."

Melissa grabbed her by the arm as Jane tried to slip past and leave before the shitstorm of negative emotions rolling around in her gut coalesced into words she might regret. Jane turned and looked into shimmering blue, forcing herself to swallow down the emotion caught in her throat.

"I'm doing this for us, Jane. Please understand."

She didn't understand. Well, she didn't understand the part where Melissa kept everything bottled up until it was ready to explode. She understood that Melissa knew herself better than anyone else. She understood that if Melissa was voluntarily asking to be locked away for even a short time, it was necessary.

She just couldn't understand how it reached this point without more conversation first. Could they have avoided it all together? If Melissa was now questioning her love for Rachael after seemingly having only admitted it to herself a couple of weeks ago, did that mean she would end up questioning their love too? Had she pushed this too fast? God, she had, hadn't she? She let her own feelings take control without paying any attention to Melissa's. She just allowed them to be swept up in their emotions without taking the time to really deeply dive into them and understand them. She'd had the chance to do that. She'd had the impetus. Maura leaving her had most certainly given her a reason to stop and think about a lot of things that she hadn't before. About her own actions. Her own feelings.

Melissa on the other hand had been traumatised, dumped by her long time love, reunited with her wife, then forced to break Kelly's heart. They'd then fallen into bed together and it had uncovered some long hidden feelings for Jane. Jane was realising that maybe Melissa didn't know what to trust when it came to her own feelings. Was she about to lose her?

"Jane?"

Jane blinked and honed back in on the eyes searching her face for answers. Her thoughts had taken her down a road she didn't want to travel and an uncomfortable knot formed in her stomach. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't make this woman love her if she didn't. She couldn't force her to stay if she didn't want to and she most certainly wasn't going to put ideas in her head just because she was desperate to understand a woman who was an enigma wrapped in a riddle right now.

Melissa's thumb stroked her arm even as she continued to hold on. Jane wanted to break away, but she didn't dare move or speak. She didn't dare break this moment with her girlfriend looking at her with such tenderness in her eyes.

"Where did you go Jane? In your mind, where did you go?"

Melissa's voice was soft, but Jane knew better. She wasn't going to put a single idea into her head, just in case her thoughts were nothing more than irrational fears manifesting because karma could be an absolute bitch. Jane motioned over her shoulder, "I really need to get back to work."

"Jane?"

"I'll leave my phone on. Text me or call me anytime, if you change your mind."

"Jane!"

Jane shook her head a couple of times for good measure and ignored the obvious worry in Melissa's voice. She couldn't think about that right now. She needed to get her head on something safer than the crap that was currently inundating it. Her heart felt like it had cracked just a little and Melissa hadn't even done anything wrong. Not really. Who was she to expect a traumatised woman should feel confident and safe sharing every single inner thought with her partner? Not this soon in their relationship. Of fucking course their relationship felt like too much. She made it that way with her expectations and promises. Even though she meant every damn word she said.

Fuck.

Gloria was waiting at the foot of the stairs when she descended and for the first time since they met, Jane genuinely loathed her. It wasn't fair, but someone had to be the target of her frustration and fear. She pointed at the psychiatrist and said, "For the record, this was a really stupid idea. You better fucking take care of her."

Jane didn't wait for an answer before quickly exiting, slamming the practice door behind her for good measure. When she reached her car she climbed into the vehicle, strapped her seatbelt on and turned the ignition. She tried to focus on where she needed to go, which was back to the station. She tried to focus on work, because work was something she could control. It was a process she could rely on.

Jane's palm slammed repeatedly into the steering wheel. She couldn't push Melissa out of her brain long enough to focus on work and it pissed her off. Her girlfriend needing a psychiatric stay also pissed her off. Being asked to stay away was the icing on the damned cake of pissed offness. To top it all off, Jane didn't know what to do.

Back in Boston, if she had man trouble or simply wanted to whine about the annoying personality traits of her dates, she would talk to Maura. She wanted to talk to Maura, but she knew she couldn't. Not only was it too soon, it may always be that way. Because no sane woman really wanted to hear their ex-fiancée try to figure out her new girlfriend. It would be cold and callous to expect it. Jane really didn't want to hurt Maura anymore than she already had and besides, Maura asked for time to heal and Jane knew she had to respect that.

Jane checked her mirrors and pulled out onto the street when it was safe. She had one choice. One very uncomfortable choice, because the only other person she could think of was her mother and she hadn't even told Angela that she and Maura had split up yet. Or why. That was not a conversation Jane wanted to have right now, or at all really. She could already envision the unimpressed turn of her mother's lips while her eyes honed in judgmentally. No thank you. She'd rather face a firing squad. Which in some ways, Jane realised, was precisely what she was about to do. Jane purchased her parking ticket and placed it on the dash of her vehicle before locking it and looking up at the hospital as it loomed large over the parking lot. This was not going to be pleasant.

"One of the detectives has some follow up questions for you, Gabrielle. I can tell her to come back during visiting hours tomorrow if you prefer."

Scary nurse wasn't so scary anymore. If anything Gabby appreciated her no nonsense, patient first attitude. She was too tired to play games. If Jane wanted to talk, there was a reason. It was probably a valid one. So while she appreciated the offer, she declined. "Send her in. I might as well get this over with now so I can focus on my recovery."

Not so scary nurse hummed and disappeared. Moments later Jane appeared and she was an absolute shadow of the detective who had rocked up with Alec earlier in the afternoon. She looked emotionally beaten down and exhausted. There was no confidence. No swagger. No bravado. No righteous fury. This was not the Jane Rizzoli she expected to face after backing her into a corner, forcing her to reveal the truth to Maura.

Gabby pulled herself up just a little, it was as close to sitting up she could manage through the pain. She gritted her teeth and grimaced.

Jane pulled the seat over to the bed and sat down. She sighed heavily and said, "Trust me you don't want to move if you can avoid it."

That was a lesson she had been learning repeatedly this afternoon. Gabby remembered one of several long conversations she had shared with Maura about Jane's bravery and managed a slight upturn of her lips in admiration when she said, "That's right, you shot yourself."

Jane shrugged. She clearly wasn't in the mood to talk about past heroics. Because even Gabby had to admit shooting yourself through your own body to stop a man so that you can save the people you love was above and beyond heroic. It was definitely stupid, but who was she to judge on that? Stupid or not, it was heroic. She could admire that about Jane, even through everything else that irked her.

Gabby decided solving this mystery of why Jane looked so glum was a worthy distraction from the pain radiating outwards from her stitches. "Where did you run off to earlier? Maura wouldn't say."

"Missy's psychiatrist called me. She was worried. So I went down there."

Jane's demeanour started to make a bit more sense. If Melissa was having a rough go of it, which she imagined was very possible given her current situation, then it would affect Jane. Just as it would affect her in the past. It was hard to make herself feel nonchalant about it, but she was determined to keep her distance. Melissa needed to find her own way. Her own self. She needed to heal and to move on and to be loved and as much as Gabby hated to admit it, the mere fact Jane was sitting beside her bed told her everything she needed to know. "Is she in a bad way?"

Jane shrugged. "I guess. I dunno. She asked to be committed."

Jane sounded so deflated and lost and upon hearing her words Gabby felt the wind get knocked out of her own sails a bit too. Melissa's struggles were long and real and she insisted on going it alone so often. To voluntarily ask for help like that? That was reason to worry. "Well that's a good thing ain't it? She's recognised she needs help and is asking for it, instead of… you know."

For a moment green eyes locked on to dark stormy ones and they both nodded silent understanding. Gabby figured Jane was thinking about the consequences of the last time she had been in emergency surgery. To this day, just thinking about the fact Melissa nearly took her own life with her gun, was enough to make Gabby feel weak. The only difference today was she already felt pretty weak so she didn't really notice the impact.

"I thought she was doing better." Jane admitted quietly, averting her eyes across the room.

"She is, Rizzoli." Gabby was sure of it, despite the obvious concern that Melissa was in the midst of some downward momentum. "Asking for help is a healthy thing. You know that."

Jane's eyes found hers in that moment, causing Gabby to swallow uncomfortably. They were surprisingly steely. "Why didn't you?"

It was an unexpected turn in the conversation, so Gabby tried to deflect. "I didn't know you cared."

"Of course I care."

Jane sounded so rudimentary about it. Like it was the stupidest thing to have ever believed differently. It actually left Gabby feeling a little dumbfounded. Every time she tried to open her mouth to respond she simply clamped it shut because nothing felt quite right.

"Half of my thoughts about you may involve strangling you with my bare hands, but that doesn't mean I don't care. You frustrate me. You irritate me. You bring out the worst in me, Wilson. But I still fucking care."

"Only half?" Gabby chuckled a little, she couldn't help it. Jane's voice finally sounded like it had some life, which she'd take given the heavy crap they were both dealing with.

Jane rolled her eyes and huffed like she didn't have time for it. She still answered anyway. "Okay, maybe more than half, but my point still stands."

The truth was simple when it came down to it. There were two reasons they always butted heads. Maura Isles and Melissa Sanderson. Gabby knew it. Jane knew it. If it weren't for the women in their lives Gabby had no doubt that they would get along very well. They were fundamentally the same people. It's why no matter how much they loathed one another at times, nobody ever pressed charges when punches were thrown. Nobody ever reported one another to their superiors at work. They understood one another. They respected one another. They were both terrified of Maura's wrath.

Because of this Gabby decided to answer Jane's earlier question. "I didn't ask for help because I didn't want to be helped. I wanted it to be over." There was a brief flash of some sort of emotion in Jane's eyes, but Gabby couldn't decipher it.

"Well ain't that fuckin' selfish." Jane said quietly.

"Yeah, but you can talk."

Gabby knew it was probably the last thing Jane needed to hear right now, but there was one more fundamental fact about the both of them, they were selfish. Not typically selfish, but rather people who gave so much of themselves away that eventually a point would come where they had nothing left to give and they had to start taking back. There was no energy left to consider the feelings of others, and Gabby's give a damn had broken the moment she said goodbye to Alexis. She wanted to care in this situation, but there was little benefit to caring. Truth was easier. It used less energy.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The moment you understood your feelings for Missy, you pounced. That was selfish, but I get it. I'm not calling you out on it."

The hurt that settled in Jane's eyes took Gabby by surprise. She wasn't trying to hurt Jane at all. She wasn't trying to start anything. She was just pointing out that sometimes people reach their breaking point. They had different ways of being selfish, but they both were. She hadn't thought about Maura, or Melissa, Alec or even Jane when she walked into that pub knowing it would probably be the death of her. Hoping it would be the death of her. Jane hadn't exactly thought about anyone other than herself by jumping into a relationship with Melissa. It was just a fact.

"You're right," Jane admitted. "I didn't think, I just felt. I chose to stop over thinking for once in my life and it was selfish. I feel good around her, Wilson. I feel complete, but…"

"You should have waited. You should have given her time to process all the recent changes in her life?"

"Yeah. I think I fucked up. She told me that we're too much. That she just wants to drink and…"

Jane's voice trailed out, but Gabby didn't need her to finish the sentence to know what she meant. The first hand experience she had with that she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy, which Jane wasn't even close to being. "Has she? I mean…"

"I don't think so."

It hurt a little to realise that Melissa had been trying so damn hard not to do to Jane what she had done to her, but it also kind of made a part of her proud. Proud that Melissa was finally valuing herself enough to recognise how self destructive that behaviour was. "And if she did?"

Jane shrugged. "I don't know."

Gabby knew. They were cut from the same cloth. Jane's fuse might be a little shorter when it came to that, but there was no way in Hell Jane Rizzoli would enter a relationship with Melissa and not understand what that entailed. She couldn't just run at the first sign of something society considered a betrayal, because it simply wasn't that. Melissa wasn't exactly a sex addict, but she was damn close to it. "Setbacks happen in recovery sometimes."

"I know." Jane's voice was rough with emotion. Gabby couldn't quite tell if it was sadness or something else. There was definitely a tinge of sadness, perhaps a dash of worry.

"Does she know that you know that?" Gabby was concerned that Jane was setting Melissa up to fail. Setting their relationship up to fail. Melissa wasn't close to being ready to handle a boatload of expectations with little flexibility. She needed love and understanding. She needed to know that as long as she was genuinely trying, she would be given leeway. The problem in their relationship was that Melissa simply didn't try, which made sense given reality. Their relationship was just another tool to cope and it hurt just acknowledging that, but in some ways it also reduced the guilt she felt for walking away.

"I've told her multiple times we can work through anything together."

"But were you specific? Did you talk about what happens if she… you know."

"Fucks someone else?" Jane asked bluntly, so bluntly in fact it would have impressed Maura, but not the language used. Gabby smiled just thinking about Maura scolding them both for their coarse language.

"No, I guess not." Jane finally concluded.

"I think you need to figure out if that's something you can handle happening. If you can't, then maybe you need to walk away now. Because that pressure will do her head in."

"I think it already has. She doesn't want me to contact her at all while she's locked away."

Ah, now they were talking. Now this visit made sense. Jane was scared. She was genuinely scared that she had fucked up. As she ought to be, because she had. In so many ways, but Gabby didn't think she needed to worry. Quite the contrary actually. "She loves you, Rizzoli. She's in love with you. There'd be no hospital stay if she didn't. She'd just be fucking them in your bed."

Jane winced a little and Gabby couldn't blame her. "Don't feel sorry for me, I chose to stay."

"That's exactly what I told her." Jane uttered sadly.

Gabby couldn't help but wonder why she had even come into their conversation, but then her abdomen flared up with a spike of pain to kindly remind her that she had been particularly stupid this week. Of course she had been brought up. Knowing Melissa, her ex was probably finding a way to blame herself for the predicament she put herself in. She did. Not Melissa. Not Jane. Not anyone. Just herself.

Gabby sighed heavily and stared up at the ceiling. It felt a little strange, but also completely natural to be having this deep and meaningful conversation with Jane. In some ways Jane was the only person who could even come close to understanding how she felt. "I'm not saying I like this, Rizzoli. But I'm glad you're here."

Jane made a non committal noise and sat there chewing on her thumb, staring off into space. Gabby felt for the woman, she clearly had the weight of the world on her shoulders and the mental fortitude to wade through all the shit being flung at her. Something she herself had seriously lacked in a moment of weakness.

If it weren't for Maura she'd feel more restless than she currently did. Maura was the only person she had any energy left for as far as caring about another person's feelings went. Which was why she decided to take the bull by the horns and put it out there, just to make sure there was absolutely zero confusion on the subject. "At the risk of ruining our little moment we're having here I just thought you should know that…"

"You're in love with Maura." Jane's eyes snapped back onto hers and could have damn well bore a hole right through her skull. Jane's gaze was that fierce, even though her voice had barely changed. It was nothing more than a statement of fact. An observation that nobody would have thought more of if they simply overheard. Staring into Jane's eyes however, was an entirely different beast altogether.

"I don't know if she'll ever get over you enough to want to move on, but if she does I will pursue those feelings."

"If you so much as lay an unwanted finger on her. They will not find your body." Jane's voice was dangerously low and her eyes expressed how serious her threat was.

Gabby nodded once. She couldn't even blame Jane for feeling that way. Everything she had done recently didn't paint a positive picture. She wouldn't trust herself with someone she loved either, so she absolutely understood it. However there was something that Jane either wasn't privy to or was simply overlooking. "I'd never lay a hand on her in anger, Jane." She used Jane's first name to convey how seriously she was taking this situation, "She soothes me. She takes all the broken pieces and puts them back together. I know you understand that feeling, Jane. I know Missy does that for you too."

For the longest time Jane simply stared at her and Gabby wondered if the American would say another word on the subject. She didn't speak, but eventually Jane nodded and went back to chewing on her thumb and staring into space. Gabby suspected that she didn't know what to do with herself with Melissa determined to go through her psych stay alone.

"Wait a minute." Gabby said, something suddenly occurring to her. "Why do I feel like I'm living in a bad country song? First you took my girl, then you took my dog."

Jane actually managed a smirk as she looked back at Gabby, "Actually it's more like you took my girl, and then you took my other girl, and now I got my girl back plus your dog, but maybe you'll get…" Jane shook her head and chuckled, "I'm dizzy. I'm fuckin' confused. All of this partner swapping belongs in a trashy novel. I'll take care of your dog. You just take care of yourself and give Maura time to grieve."

Gabby nodded.

"I mean it," Jane warned, "Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't rush in. If it's meant to be it'll happen. It'll probably increase the amount of times I think about strangling you in my head, but it'll happen."

"Deal." Gabby agreed, because while Jane would feel placated hearing it, it was already her intention to give Maura the space she needed to heal. There would be no pushing her own agenda at all. She was going to be a supportive friend and nothing more until Maura showed any interest in something more.

"Any special instructions for Charlie?"

"Don't feed him too much at breakfast, he'll be sick. He does much better with a light start to the day, after that you can feed him a bit more." Gabby instructed, fairly certain that Melissa wouldn't have thought to explain what she naturally learned, given her head was clearly all over the place at the moment. "Try to walk him every night, he loves that."

Jane nodded and rose from her chair. "Alright." She glanced around the room and back to Gabby, "I'll stop by tomorrow night with some follow up questions."

Gabby offered up a half smile in thanks. Visiting hours ended at two in the afternoon, so it was pretty lonely after then. Jane was using her position to sneak in extra visitation to keep her company and it was that moment that cemented in Gabby's mind precisely how much Jane cared. That and the fact she still had all of her teeth after admitting her feelings for Maura.

"Hopefully I remember something more useful by then, Rizzoli."

Jane offered nothing more than a nod acknowledging that she had heard, then left Gabby alone in the room with nothing but time to think about her recent choices.

When Jane made it back to the station Alec was back in the interview room talking with Twig and his lawyer. Rather than interrupt them Jane decided to observe from the other side of the two way mirror. She stood with arms folded across her chest as she listened, trying her hardest to push back every other thought trying to weasel its way into her brain. She just needed it to be about work for a while, especially since it looked like they might be headed for a small win at last.

Jane watched as Alec slid a piece of paper across the table and listened intently. "See this here Twig? This is a statement from Detective Gabrielle Wilson placing you at the scene while she was assaulted. She was stabbed twice in the abdomen, Twig. That's attempted murder. You're looking at aiding and abetting charges unless you can get us what we really want."

'Come on dude, that wasn't me. That was Bruiser. He was the one that beat her up and took her out back. I didn't know what he was going to do." Twig was happy to sell out a dead man, but that was already a given. That wasn't going to get him a deal.

"Did Bertie give the order? Did he order Bruiser to kill Detective Wilson?"

Twig conferred with his lawyer, before the lawyer eventually spoke. "Before my client provides you with anything further I would like to know the deal you are offering and to see it in writing."

Alec pulled another piece of paper from the file folder sitting in front of him and slid it over to the lawyer. "Twig gets immunity so long as he's willing to testify to Bertie's actions and also answer some questions regarding another ongoing investigation. It's a one time deal. Any lies will invalidate the agreement. We need full transparency and nothing to be held back."

The lawyer looked over the paperwork and looked back up at Alec. "Which other ongoing investigation?"

"The murder of Detective Stephen Dyson."

"What about protection?" The lawyer asked.

"We will provide witness protection."

So far so good. Jane watched the lawyer who was a man in his late thirties, early forties with short brown hair, confer with Twig once more. Based on his body language the lawyer appeared to be encouraging Twig to take the deal. Jane wished she was in there but had every faith that Alec could bring it home. It was senseless at this point interrupting the interview.

Her phone dinged, notifying her of a new text message. She pulled it from her pocket and was surprised to see that it was a message from Maura.

How is she?

Jane wasn't exactly sure how to proceed, because while it was very kind of Maura she didn't want to risk opening the floodgates. Maura needed her space to heal and Jane was trying very hard to respect that. She thought about it for so long that another text message came through.

I am genuinely asking.

Jane pulled out the chair tucked in underneath the desk that held a computer that captured video from inside the interview room and sat down on it. She chewed at her thumbnail for a moment before quickly tapping out her reply.

I know, thanks for asking. I'm just not sure I want to go into it right now.

In the other room Alec and Twig were continuing their conversation and some words filtered into Jane's mind, she understood the gist of it. Twig was rolling over on Bertie as they had hoped. But if she were to be asked about the specifics, she wouldn't be able to give them because she was so focused on the phone in her hand.

Let me know if there is anything I can do.

Jane sighed. She wanted nothing more than to knock off work and stop in to see Maura and talk to her best friend. But this wasn't Boston. They aren't who they used to be. They are fractured and she is the reason for that. Or rather her feelings for Melissa are the reason for that.

Nothing right now, but thanks.

It was simply enough to know that Maura cared. It wasn't lost on Jane that this conversation was taking place over text message and not a phone call or in person. It was the perfect medium to allow them both time to think about their responses and hopefully avoid any emotional confrontations. It was also impersonal, but more importantly it was the method that Maura had chosen to use to show she cared. It meant a lot at this time when everything felt so heavy on Jane's soul. She would take what she could get, however she could get it right now.

"So tell me Twig, do you know who is responsible for the death of Detective Stephen Dyson?" Alec asked, drawing Jane's attention back to what was happening in the interview room. She glanced up at the monitor half expecting Twig to keep his mouth shut given there was no real evidence of anybody's involvement in a crime, unlike the attempted murder of Gabby. She was wrong. Apparently Twig was all in on his agreement.

"It was Bertie. He did it himself."

"I need details, Twig." Alec countered.

"So look, we were at the pub playing pool having a good old time and Bertie got a phone call. He got real quiet and then he got mad. He said he was gonna kill the prick. I didn't know who he was talking about." Twig explained, "But the morning after that cop died, I saw him throw a black garbage bag into the dumpster out back of the pub. I got curious."

Jane's eyes nearly boggled out of her head, she had wondered how this guy was still alive after their first conversation but now she was convinced he was either the luckiest idiot alive, or nobody took him seriously at all. If anybody had seen him snooping after Bertie like that he ought to be dead by now. There were just a couple of really important questions left for Alec to ask.

"Did you look in the bag?"

Twig nodded. "Sure did."

"What was in it?"

"A set of clothes, a pair of leather gloves, a set of sneakers and a roll of duct tape."

"What happened to the bag?"

Twig looked like the cat that stole the cream right then. It was as if he really had no idea the level of danger he was putting himself in. His grin was smug. "Stuffed under my bed. Bertie's been nothing but an arrogant fucker, I wanted something I could hold over him if he ever came at me sideways."

Jane wasn't getting too excited. It was all circumstantial until forensics could match some DNA from Dyson and Bertie on those items, but the fact those clothes existed gave them hope and at the very least they had reason to get a warrant. Allowing them another opportunity to gather evidence they could use to send Bertie away for life. One thing was certain though, Twig was the star witness. How reliable a witness he would prove to be in the eyes of a judge or jury was a different story, but at least they had one. They definitely had to get him into protection as soon as possible.

"You give us permission to go onto your property to retrieve the bag?" Alec asked.

"Yeah sure, I got nothing to hide. Search the whole place if you want." Twig shrugged, completely unperturbed.

Alec nodded and then asked, "Do you know who called Bertie the night he got mad?"

"Nah, he wasn't the sort to confide in anyone other than Bruiser."

"So you don't know why he wanted Detective Dyson dead?"

"I know as much as that woman cop knows, detective. Sounded like he was the one that paid for the hit on some lady back in '05. I guess it's like you said earlier, he wanted payback because of some dots he connected in his head."

Jane really studied Twig's face at this moment because it was one thing when Alec was using it to spin a tale that sounded believable to get Twig singing, it was another thing altogether that that fiction was starting to sound true. Had Dyson ordered the hit on Melissa? Why would he have? How did this tie in to what happened in Chicago and what had been happening now? Was Dyson connected, or nothing more than an innocent, misidentified party; the victim of one man's quest for vengeance? He certainly wasn't involved in Alexis' death, because he was dead before the killer made himself known. Just another piece to the puzzle.

Twig looked like he believed every word he said. He clearly corroborated something Gabby must have put in her statement based on Alec's body language. She mentally kicked herself for being absent to deal with Melissa's stuff, but at least Alec was working his ass off. It wasn't much comfort though because she was left with more questions than when they first started, but at least they were actually making progress on a couple of cases. Even if it wasn't the case that they desperately needed answers on. They were at least putting pieces of the puzzle together. It was starting to take shape in her head, even if that shape was one giant question mark at this time.

Her text message ding went off again, mildly startling Jane out of her thoughts. She looked down at her phone and sighed heavily. Maura apparently wasn't done playing friend.

How are you feeling right now? Is there anything I can do for you?

Jane really didn't know what had gotten into Maura this afternoon. Did the truth actually set them free? Because she honestly expected Maura to be mad, very mad, for a very long time. How long was Maura's gentle, kind personality going to be present? Was this the calm before the storm? Jane didn't want to be surrounded by two storm fronts, so she was grateful that it was a little sunnier on Maura's side at the moment. She hoped it would stay that way for a while, if not permanently, but she wasn't an unrealistic woman. There was a storm coming, she just hoped to have ridden the current storm she was in out before the next one unleashed all of its fury. Before Maura unleashed all of her fury.

Jane realised she had been lost in her thoughts so she finally settled on honesty. She didn't have to delve too deeply into things, or if she did she could keep it to emotionally safe topics. But honesty was definitely best.

I'm really not.

Jane heard the grating sound of a chair being pushed back along the ground and looked back at the monitor, Alec was leaving the interview room. She quickly pocketed her phone and joined him in the hall.

He stopped and appraised her for a moment that felt like it dragged on forever, because she was not comfortable under such a scrutinising eye. "Did you catch all of that?"

Jane schooled her features, she had been distracted, but she caught enough of it to understand that they had plenty to move on. She nodded at him but didn't add any verbal confirmation.

"I'm just getting these to the Attorney General, so that we can dot all of our i's on this one."

"I can get a team together to retrieve the evidence from Twig's."

He nodded, appearing thoughtful when he asked, "How is she?"

Jane quickly glanced up and down the hall, not inclined to share her personal business with the entire station. Even though she felt sure it was just the two of them, she wasn't inclined to go into any great detail. She wanted to respect Melissa's privacy and not get anymore sidetracked than she already had by the situation. "Everything that's happened lately has been a bit much. She's going to focus on rest and relaxation for the next few days. You'll have my full attention here on out."

He nodded again. "Are we still on for tonight?"

No way in Hell was she missing that conversation. She had a bone to pick with him, she just wasn't inclined to do it right now. She was too mentally exhausted from everything. One problem at a time and right now the focus was on nailing Bertie to the wall. Until knock off time rolled around, she wasn't worrying about anything else. "Absolutely." She motioned over her shoulder, "I'll get that team together."

Alec held up the file folder and quickly turned and headed in the opposite direction. She watched him leave before heading back to her desk to make the call to organise an evidence retrieval team. Her mobile phone dinged again with another incoming message and she chose not to worry about it right now, it was undoubtedly Maura being thoughtful somehow. She smiled briefly at the thought, before picking up her desk phone and placing the receiver between her ear and shoulder as she unlocked her computer screen with one hand and dialled the extension for the appropriate department with the other. She was a woman on a mission.

A/N: So I know it has been a while, and honestly I would have liked to finish out this particular day in this universe in this chapter, but I'm writing really slowly because I'm just not mentally in a good place at the moment. So I just wanted to get something out there, rather than let the no update drag on forever. I'm sorry it isn't as large an update you would normally get after a few weeks, but I hope it's enough to keep you entertained. Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting and inspiring me to keep trying to work on this even when its a real struggle to do anything really. I appreciate you all more than you know.

Jane has a lot on her mind and the strain of it is starting to bleed into work. How do you think she's going to cope with that? How long does this apparent truce between Jane and Gabby last? How are you feeling in general?