I never expected to love his mother. I never expected that she would be more of a reason to stay here than my actual husband.

I was a foreigner, I didn't know the language and I never felt more without roots, without stability. Looking back, it was both one of the worst and best decisions of my life. It was one of the many things that kept me up at night, right in that moment between laying my head on the pillow and falling asleep, while also appreciating that my life would not have taken so many positive turns without it. Regardless, I would have done things differently.

Sulpicia was the one who made me feel less alone in a house that Alec felt so at home in. She took me in like her own and acknowledged my fears, while also soothing them with kindness. The same kindness that I saw in Alec's soft eyes and smile. He was truly a gentle soul with good intentions, I always wonder what he would have been like had life not brought him down the way he did. The thought of "what could have been" kills me, adding to that constant hidden pain in my chest.

But plenty of days I forget the pain, it's still there, but under layers of carefully constructed denial and absentmindedness. On those days, I am alive, just another soul, a person without a past. On those days, Alec and I make future plans while drinking our coffee, hope blooming in every breath, every cupboard of our kitchen. But, like any other flower, hope often doesn't last for too long. Still, I cherish it when I hold its stem in my hands.

I think the two of us are kindred souls, but I'm not sure if it's ever been a good thing. One moment I could love him with every breath, and the next I could walk out the door, not ever wanting to turn back. And maybe I should have picked the second choice years ago, it would have saved both of us so much heartache. God knows he would never dare to even think of taking that last leap.

I never questioned my loyalty to him, like a stupid dog that would also go back to its keeper.

Until now.

I beat some sense in myself, that often works. I feel my chest go numb, a cold sharpness creeping beneath the skin of my face.

I will be okay.

I pick up my large caramel leather bag and put on matching loafers. Checking myself in the mirror one last time, I get out of the stone house and climb inside the red convertible.

The evening air is cool, a wind blowing of early autumn, August coming to an end. I can't contain my strong sigh.

Edward laughs, "What was that?", he asks, the amusement in his voice not betraying the frown I see on his face.

"The end of summer just makes me so sad, even though I love early autumn. But still, endings depress me."

"Hmm, I love autumn, can't stand the July and August heat. But the bright side of living in the mountains is that summer is actually…bearable." He says that last word with such feigned shock that I can't hold back my giggle.

"Okay, got the memo, you hate summer."

"I don't, just extreme temperatures"

"Sir, isn't Ireland rainy like…all the damn time?"

"Which is exactly why I thought Milan would be craic…boy was I wrong. You can't grow up with only having sun few times a year and then move to a place that burns in it. Regardless, I'm pretty fond of this place."

"Yeah, I went through that too. Forks isn't exactly similar to this place either…" my home town's name slips out of my mouth without even realizing. An ache is there when I think of the woods behind my family's yard, or the trails I would always do with my father. The smell of pines and the sound of waters crashing against the shore.

A few minutes pass in comfortable silence. The stars are clear, looking so much closer at this altitude.

"As much as I like autumn, September is a little bit of a bitter month." I pinch my fingers together at the word little.

More like very bitter.

"Why is that?" Edward's asks as he shifts into a higher gear, speeding up in a straighter portion of the road. I feel my back press against the soft leather, the wind in my hair feeling liberating.

"Well, my birthday is in September."

And so much more.

"Oh, hint taken, I have to think of your gift. Don't worry, Cailìn, you won't be disappointed."

"Shut up! You know that is not how I meant it…It's just that…it's like a bitter reminder of how time passes every second, and regardless of how hard I try I never get to fully live out everything I'm planning on."

"Well, who does? Each second" he lifts his index for emphasis, "you have a thought. Every second! You can't breath without your mind spiting some bleedin' nonsense. So, it's humanly impossible to get to do everything you want too. You just have to make peace with it."

For a moment, I'm pacified. The thought that, at the end of the day, everything is pointless, and every plus adds up to a minus to turn up into nothing, is soothing.

"I didn't kill your mood, did I?"

"No, not at all."

"Grand. So, when should I show up for the birthday girl?"

I scoff, "I don't even know if I'm planning something to invite anyone" it comes out just with a little sharpness. I guess I'm both irked and touched that he butted himself in. He takes the hint though, nodding in understanding. I immediately feel bad.

"Just for reference, it's on the 13th."

"Oh, that makes sense…"

My eyebrows shot up in confusion. The smirk on his face gets wider each second I say nothing.

"What do you mean?" I finally ask him.

"You are a Virgo."

I laugh, "Okay, now it all makes sense to you."

"Yeah, actually, all along I thought it was you, but it was just your sign."

"So I'm forgiven?"

"Forgiven for what?"

"For my…I don't know, behavior?"

"Bella, I don't know what you are talking about. You've been nothing but great. I enjoyed my time with you." His tone is suddenly serious, sincerity in his voice.

Is this man ever not open?

"I did too" I utter, because his frankness inspires mine. His head turns towards me, giving me a satisfied look. And with those three words comes silence, a subtle acknowledgement of this intimacy that, to anyone outside of this bubble, might look innocent enough.

We both know that it's not.

He clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck, as if to shake this stupor that we often find ourselves in.

"How old are you, anyway?" He asks, our conversation back on track.

"I will be 32. You?"

"36 since June"

"Oh, that explains it" I throw back his words from earlier, he laughs, "you are a Leo."

"Wrong, Gemini."

"Similar enough."

"Hmm, not really. My sister is a Leo, and trust me when I say you do not want to meet her."

"Ouch, that bad?"

"Eh, I'm just fucking around, she's great, she just needs some time to come around."

"Older or younger?"

"She is 7 years older than me"

"Wow, that's something" I shake my head at that.

"Yeah, the age difference made it a little hard to get along and relate to each other for a while but…we are good now."

I nod along, "I'm an only child, it must be nice to have someone in your corner like that."

"It is." He agrees, and before I know it we pull inside the hospital's interior parking lot.

Once inside the locker room corridor we stop, having to part ways but not really wanting to.

"I guess I will see you around, until we have to leave?"

"Yeah, definitely." I completely forgot about the ride back. I feel horrible, he shouldn't have to make an additional road after a night shift just for me.

"You know, you don't have to do that, I can take a cab-"

"Nonsense." His tone is definitive and it eases my guilt, "I will see you in…10 hours! Ain't that great? Have a nice evening, Bella!" He trails off with an obviously fake happy tone.

"As if such a thing is possible. You have a nice evening too, Edward…"

I leave for the locker room, but I stop halfway, feeling like someone was watching me. I turn back to see Edward still hasn't left.

"Creepy!" I mouth the word in an exaggerated manner. His laugh echoes around the hallway, then, finally, he leaves.