Author's Note: So, this one is a little short, but I didn't want to include the next section because I feel like this whole chapter contains one concept really nicely, and the next section goes into the next arc. Hope you aren't disappointed!

August 17th, 2012

"Take a deep breath."

Ed did exactly that, looking at the symbol he had drawn with chalk on Rossi's patio. He had no idea what he was doing—this was a completely new transmutation circle, maybe a completely new kind of alchemy—but he did his best to put on a brave face. He had been working with different members of the team for a week, sketching and trying small transmutations with new symbols to see how they would work, and now, well… now it was time to open the Gate.

But what would it make him pay?

It wasn't like he had a choice. He couldn't stay in their world for the rest of his life. He had to go home, so he had to open the Gate. It was his only chance, just like when he had been trapped in Gluttony's stomach. But in Gluttony's stomach, as awful as it made him feel, he had the souls from Envy's Philosopher's Stone to use. He didn't have that now.

"You can do this, Ed." Reid stood closest to the circle, hands twitching slightly, like he wanted to do something with them but didn't know what. He always had that kind of nervous disposition, but it had been more noticeable ever since he pulled Ed aside in Rossi's living room to say goodbye.

"I know we don't really know each other that well, but, um, but I just wanted to say… it's been awesome meeting you, and I really hope you get home, and I know you're gonna get you and your brother's bodies back."

Ed looked at Reid a moment longer and then nodded, facing forward. "Right." He lifted his hands slightly, intending to put them together, but he stopped and looked over his shoulder.

Most of the team looked serious, but JJ was trying to encourage him with a warm smile, her arms folded across her stomach. Garcia chewed on her bright pink lips and wrung her hands, trying to take calming breaths but still unable to hide her worry. Hotchner, Morgan, Prentiss, and Rossi wore varying levels of concern and contemplation.

Reid slipped his hands into his pockets, probably trying to hide their twitching, and his floppy, brown hair was tousled by the summer breeze. He gave Ed a smile, and he encouraged the young alchemist in a way the others couldn't. "We've been working hard on this, Ed. We've placed a lot of protections in the matrix for your body, and the ingredients in the tray at the center are specifically designed to shield your soul so a toll isn't taken from it."

Swallowing, Ed tried to seem unbothered. "Yeah, but we don't know if it'll work."

"True. But we don't know that it won't." Reid cocked his head slightly. "I know… I know this isn't ideal. We can't be sure this is going to be safe for you, but… we don't have a lot of options here. We can't ask anyone for help. I can't see a safer way to test this." He stopped for a moment, looking discouraged before he shook it off and put that smile back on his face. "We're right here with you."

You won't be in the Portal with me. Ed looked at Reid a moment longer, and then he put his gaze back on the circle. He took another breath, lifted his hands a little higher, and brought them together. Immediately, the symbol beneath him started to glow, and in a matter of seconds, that very familiar eye had opened up. Somewhere behind him, Morgan swore loudly, but Ed tried to focus on what he had to do and stay calm.

Okay, so this transmutation circle… it's supposed to be human transmutation in that I'm breaking down a human body—mine—but it shouldn't have a toll because I'm not trying to gain anything. I'm just restructuring what's already there. He swallowed, watching as his limbs started to disintegrate. Of course, the very act of opening the Gate has a toll, doesn't it? Just like when I opened it to get out of Gluttony…

But what choice did he have?

Ed glanced down, allowing himself one more moment of panic as his chest dissolved into black specs, the breaking down of molecules spreading up his body until—

White.

Ed clenched his jaw, and he didn't bother looking around. He was staring right at Truth, and Truth was the one he wanted to see. Behind Truth was another Gate, and Ed knew Al's body was right in front of it, but he couldn't see Al, and he needed to focus. He glared, balling his fists up. "Well, are you gonna let me go home?"

"That depends," Truth replied, sitting on the floor, as dismissive as ever. Like the entire concept of human transmutation was a game to him. "What are you going to give me?"

Feigning indifference, Ed spread his arms. "What do you want?"

"Well, I can't take as much as I'd like. You did a good job with that." Truth cocked his head to the side. "Didn't you, young alchemist?"

So, whatever we did on our end to protect my body is working to some extent. Ed put his hands on his hips. "So, what, you want some fingers and toes, and then you'll send me home?"

"Maybe, maybe not." Truth grinned, his entirely white face somehow showing his equally colorless teeth. "I don't know if I can send you home until you get the formula right."

Ed swallowed. "So, my formula isn't right?" He tried to stay calm, but with every passing second, his stomach sank lower with an overwhelming feeling of dread. "But it's almost right, or I wouldn't have gotten this far." He glared. "Well, it's not like you can take my whole body and soul just for opening the Gate and nothing else."

Truth grinned, and Ed heard the familiar sound of the Gate behind him opening. "No, but I can take something."

Ed lifted his hands as if to transmute, but he knew that was completely pointless; it was just a reflex. He felt the first hand pulling on the left side of his jacket, and then another wrapped around his right elbow. "I'll be back. I'm gonna get home, and then I'm gonna come back in here and get Al's body!"

Truth wore no expression, but Ed still got the feeling he was smiling, and then Ed was being dragged backward. He pulled against it, not knowing why or what he thought he would accomplish, and darkness crept in from the edges.

"I'm coming back, Truth! Do you hear me?"

Ed was sucked back into the void, and the doors slammed shut.

August 17th, 2012

Hotch looked down at the stopwatch on his phone, watching a few more seconds tick by before he lifted his gaze and looked back at the circle. An eye had opened, and black tendrils had reached toward the sky, looking like something from Hell, but he was trying not to focus on that. He was trying to focus on the fact it had been two minutes since the eye closed, and based on their research, it didn't take very long for a transmutation to get from inception to completion. Usually, it just lasted as long as it took for the materials to reform, so if Edward had been completely disintegrated more than two minutes ago and nothing had happened yet, maybe that meant he had successfully gotten through to the other side.

"Did it… did it work?" JJ asked, unable to take her eyes off the place Edward had been standing.

Reid wrung his hands a few times, his eyes fixed to the transmutation circle in a similar way. "His entire body was broken down, which is what we were trying to accomplish. Ed didn't seem caught off-guard by anything that happened, so we can assume at least the part of the process we saw was successful." He dropped his hands, turning away from the circle with a helpless look. "We have no way of knowing if it worked all the way through."

Morgan gestured toward the center of the patio. "Well maybe—"

They all tensed when red sparks started to spew from the center of the circle.

"That can't be good," Prentiss said, instinctively reaching for her sidearm.

Slowly, the sparks were joined by particles of color, a scream piercing the air as pieces started forming something they could identify as Edward.

"Ed!" Reid rushed forward, but Morgan shot out and grabbed his arm.

Hotch, ever calm and in control, walked toward the circle with cautious steps. "Wait until his head fully forms, and then we'll see if he can hear us."

The screaming stopped, though it was replaced with a loud moaning as Edward's mouth and nose formed above the circle on the ground. Something that looked like an arm flailed out to his left side, partial fingers clawing at the stonework.

"Ed!" Reid called again, pulling against Morgan's hold.

Hotch reached out and barred Reid's access with an arm, waiting until he saw ears to speak up. "Edward, can you hear us?"

Edward let out another sound of pain in lieu of an answer, but in a matter of seconds, his body had finished coming back together, and he rolled onto his side. Hotch took the initiative and somehow got to the young blonde before Reid did, crouching down beside him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Edward, can you hear me?"

Edward blinked and started looking around, a disoriented groan slowly morphing into words. "I… hear you…" He tried to push against the ground and immediately froze, one hand flying to his gut. "Ah!"

Hotch scanned the arm and immediately grabbed Ed's shirt, pulling both it and the metal hand aside. "There's no blood," he announced to no one in particular. "Edward, do you know what it took from you, if anything?"

Edward shook his head, screwing his eyes shut. "He said—he said he couldn't take as much as he wanted because of what we did." He grabbed at his stomach again. "Said the formula wasn't right, but it almost was."

"We need to call an ambulance," JJ rushed, hovering somewhere on Hotch's left.

"Let's not be hasty," was Hotch's level response, one hand closing on Edward's shoulder to keep him grounded. "Can you rate your pain for me? One a scale of one to ten, with one being no pain and ten being the worst pain you've ever felt, where are you right now?"

Edward panted, knees pulling up as he tried to curl around his gut. "Seven? Eight, maybe?"

That's not good. Hotch glanced to his right, where Reid was kneeling beside Edward's head, looking like he wanted to offer some comfort but wasn't sure if it was a good idea to make contact. "Edward, we're taking you to the hospital. JJ, don't call an ambulance." He put one hand on Edward's ribcage, close to the ground, and used his other hand to roll the boy toward him. "Reid and I will take him. We can't all go. We need to be as low-profile as possible." He straightened up, pulling Edward with him.

"I'm fine," Edward grunted, leaning against Hotch and repeatedly doubling over.

"Mmhmm." That was Hotch's only comment. "Morgan, come with me and open the car door. Reid, get my keys off Rossi's counter." He pulled Edward up a little higher and started to walk, watching the way the boy moved his feet to determine how in control of his body he was.

Edward staggered, falling against Hotch. "What if they—what if they take me away?"

"They won't." Hotch glanced over at Morgan and then looked toward the driveway. "We're going to tell them you're my son, and you started experiencing gradual abdominal pain that has built over the last several hours. We're just going to run some standard tests and try to figure out what was taken without getting too invasive. If it's nothing serious, they'll give you pain medication and send you home. If it is serious, we'll be in the best place to handle it."

Rushing out in front, Morgan grabbed the back door to one of their SUVs, and Hotch quickly helped Edward into the backseat. He laid him down facing the front of the vehicle, and then he took another look at the site Edward was grabbing.

"Is it your upper right side?" Hotch asked, gently pressing his fingers around the space just beneath Edward's ribcage. "Right in here?"

"Uh-huh," Edward moaned, closing his eyes again.

"Just stay calm." Not feeling anything suspicious but knowing he wasn't a medical professional, Hotch backed away and slammed the door, turning toward Rossi's house just as Reid bounded down the steps with the keys. He held his hands out, indicating he wanted Reid to toss the keys, and after he caught them, he called to the rest of the team, "Stay by your phones, and remember, we've got to be back in the office tomorrow."

Not waiting for a response, Hotch got in the driver's seat and started the engine, barely waiting for Reid to scramble into the passenger seat before he pulled out of the driveway. He didn't let himself get too fast or reckless, but he drove as quickly as he could without unnecessary risk.

Hopefully, it won't take them long to find out what's wrong.

August 17th, 2012

Ed kept a hand pressed to his right side, looking out the SUV window with tired eyes. He didn't really feel any pain—that shot they had given him was like a miracle—but it still unnerved him to know a part of his body was missing. Maybe it was just his gallbladder, and maybe he didn't need it, but still… it was another part of him he no longer had.

They had given him the pain meds first, and then their group sat in the waiting room for what felt like an eternity. Once Ed was taken back, the nurse went over his symptoms, and then they waited some more, and then Ed was taken for something called an 'ultrasound,' which could apparently take pictures of his insides. Those pictures found nothing concerning, but the doctor noted he didn't have a gallbladder and asked if it had been removed. Ed was given a clean bill of health, some strong pain medication to use if the pain came back, and they were told if Ed's pain persisted or got worse, they should bring him back to the hospital.

"Ed?" Reid asked from where he sat on the left side of the backseat.

Ed hummed absently, not taking his eyes off the city.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Ed shook his head ever so slightly, vaguely aware of his forehead itching right where it was resting against the glass. For a moment, Reid didn't say anything, but then there was a soft inhale.

"You know… talking about things helps our brain to process them. That's why it's always a good idea to talk through theories and plans with other people in your field. That's why people talk out loud to themselves. It actually helps our brains take in and put together the information."

Swallowing, Ed shifted in his seat, and his mouth gradually opened. "I…" He inhaled. "I just feel like… I keep losing. Ever since I was kid, I just… my dad left, and then my mom died, and then the whole thing with…" he glanced down at his automail, "…and I just… I'm tired of losing."

He screwed his eyes shut, able to hear Mustang's voice ringing in his ears. "You gonna shut down like this every time?" He bit down on the inside of his cheek. "You can choose to live the rest of your life as a self-pitying cripple with a suit of armor for a brother, or you can make a real contribution to alchemy by allying yourself to the military and find a way to change yourself back!"

"You don't have to have it together all the time, Ed."

Tension ran through his shoulders, eyes sliding to the left, but he couldn't quite make himself look at Reid.

"You've been through some awful stuff. It's okay to get frustrated and upset and scared. It's okay to rant about how unfair and messed up it is." Reid moved in Ed's peripherals, a soft chuckle rising in his throat. "Pretending it doesn't bother you doesn't actually make it not bother you. You can't control how you feel, only how you respond to it. So, give yourself a little leniency. You're not hurting yourself or anyone else by reacting to your emotions."

Ed swallowed again, eyes stinging. "I can't."

"Sure, you can." Reid moved again, and whether he was gesturing with his hands or really getting closer, Ed couldn't tell. "What's gonna go wrong if you let yourself get upset for a few minutes?"

"What if it's not a few minutes?" Ed shuddered. "What if I let it take over and I can't get back?"

Reid didn't even hesitate. "I promise that won't happen."

Ed clenched his jaw, screwing his eyes shut. It's not like anyone here knows me… and Al doesn't have to find out. It won't make Winry cry. He took a shaky breath, dropping his head slightly, and his shoulders started to jerk. He pressed his hand deeper into his right side, slowly drawing his left leg up onto the seat. He pressed his forehead to his knee, trying to keep as quiet as possible.

"Ed… it's really okay."

Ed opened his mouth and screamed.

August 31st, 2012

It's been two weeks since I tried to open the Gate. Ed stared up at the ceiling in pitch blackness, lying on his back on the bed in Rossi's guest room. I have to get back. It's not just for Al and Winry; that Father guy is up to no good, and we gotta stop him. He reached up and flexed his automail fingers, and even though he couldn't see it, he could hear the clicking. What am I willing to sacrifice to get home? His gut said 'anything,' but what if it was too much? How could he return to Al with a body that couldn't help him? How could he show up, useless and broken, and tell his brother to fight his battles alone from now on?

I'll just have to find a way to keep moving forward no matter what Truth takes. But that was so much easier said than done. What if it takes my eyes? Or my vocal cords? One of my lungs or something?

Groaning, Ed rolled onto his side, grabbing a fistful of the bedsheets. He screwed his eyes shut and tried for the hundredth time to shut his brain off. He opened them a second later, however, when there was a buzzing sound right by his head. Hmm? Reaching up, he grabbed his phone and flipped it open.

Reid: Can't sleep. You?

For a moment, Ed considered ignoring it so no one would know how stressed he was, but then he started typing.

Me: same. cant stop thinking.

Ed stared at the message for a few seconds before he sent it, worry twisting in the pit of his stomach. But then the phone vibrated against his hand.

Reid: Me, too. I've got too much to think about.

Biting his lip, Ed thought about what to say and started pressing buttons.

Me: so… what do we do?

Reid: Just keep talking! Maybe do some stretches or read a book.

It came in seconds. Like Reid was anxiously awaiting the messages Ed sent. Not like he was doing his own thing and just replied when he noticed Ed had said something.

Me: so how many tries do i have left?

Ed thought he might have to explain himself, and he actually started typing a new message, but then Reid replied.

Reid: Well, you can probably afford to lose your appendix.

Laughing softly—which kind of surprised him, given how despondent he felt—Ed tried to build on the light-heartedness.

Me: do you think i'd be able to make it without my toes?

Ed settled into the mattress, a smile pulling on his lips. It was somewhat sad, though, because he knew what was coming. He was going to get home—somehow, someway—and even though he knew he would be so happy, he would once again be losing something. He would have to say goodbye.

Maybe I shouldn't get too close.

Reid: It's nice to have someone to talk to. Normally, I just stare at the ceiling and wait to drift off.

Wetting his lips, Ed stared at the words, and then his fingers started to move, hesitating every couple of words.

Me: i'm actually used to al being awake on nights like this. the whole no body thing means he doesn't sleep.

That wasn't getting too close, was it? He wasn't sharing how guilty and useless it made him feel when he saw his brother like that; he was just sharing a fact. Al and Ed shared rooms, and Al didn't sleep.

Reid: That must be hard. He probably reads a lot, doesn't he?

Me: yeah. and he has a book of foods to try when he gets his body back, too.

Ed tapped the back of the phone, and even though Reid had suggested talking to help them feel tired, Ed didn't feel even remotely ready to sleep.

Reid: That's good. If he's living his life like he knows for a fact he's going to get his body back, it'll help keep his spirits up. It'll prevent him from falling into a depression because he believes he's stuck in his situation.

Ed's brow scrunched slightly, lips pursed. He had always had a bit of a bittersweet taste in his mouth over the food journal. He would put on a brave face, like when he told Al to put Gracia's quiche near the top, but there was always this gnawing in his gut reminding him the only reason Al had that journal was because of Ed's mistake. It was kind of nice to think Al could turn a constant reminder of his lack of a body into a constant reminder that he was going to get that body back. Maybe Al saw it that way. Maybe he had always seen it that way. It would be nice if he did.

Me: thanks, reid.

Ed half expected to need to explain himself. It wasn't like 'thanks' was the obvious response to what Reid had said, but in seconds, Ed got a simple reply.

Reid: Of course! :)

Reid: Turn your phone sideways.

Ed squinted and did as he was told, looking at the colon and parentheses in confusion. I don't underst—oh. It's a little face that's smiling. Snorting, he started to mess around with the buttons on his phone, trying to figure out where he could even find symbols like that on the very limited keys. He gave up after a couple minutes, figuring Reid could just show him next time they were together.

Me: you have to teach me how to do that!

He looked at the screen for another moment and let out a sigh. He still wasn't tired, and he doubted he would be getting any sleep that night, but at least he had someone to talk to. At least he wasn't alone.

Author's Note: I am still looking for ARC readers for my book, Cataclysm! For those who don't know, an ARC reader basically downloads the book for free in exchange for an honest review on the book. If you're interested, please reach out to get a link to the book on BookSirens. Thanks so much, guys!