The Rings of Akhaten
We wanted to know everything we could about Clara Oswald. So we traced her lineage and stalked her almost. We saw when her parents met. Clara's dad was trying to read a map as he walked down a sidewalk. It was a windy day and by chance a large maple leaf blew off a tree and right into his face. He was surprised by it and he lost his bearings and walked right into the street into the path of an oncoming car. Then all of the sudden the woman who would become Clara's mother pulled him back onto the sidewalk. It was love at first sight.
We saw her parents first kiss, they ran up to her house, through the rain, after their first date. Once they got onto the porch Clara's dad gave her mother the leaf that hit him in the face. She was surprised he kept it. He told her that because if that leaf had never hit him in the face, they would have never meet and that made it the most important leaf in human history. Then, they kissed.
We met Clara as a little girl, when she accidentally kicked a ball that hit my uncle in the head as we were a walking through the park.
We saw a teenaged Clara, as she mourned the death of her mother when she was just 45.
After all of our research we came to the conclusion, that Clara was just a normal human. The Doctor looked at the monitor and looked at a picture of Victorian Clara, "She's just a girl. How can she be?"
"I don't know," I said. As, the picture on the monitor changed to Oswin and her credentials for the Alaska.
"She can't be," said Annabelle. The monitor changed to show Clara in a graduation gown, throwing her cap into the air.
"She is. She can't be," said The Doctor, as he pushed the monitor away and turned around, "She's not possible."
A little while later, we picked up Clara and parked the TARDIS in the Time Vortex while we chose a destination. Clara walked around the console. I could tell by the look on her face she was excited, "So we're moving through actual time?" she asked. She walked up to The Doctor, "So what's it made of? Time? If you can just rotor through it, it must be made of stuff, like jam's made of strawberries. So what's it made of?"
"Well. Not strawberries," said The Doctor, "No. No, no, no. That would be unacceptable."
"And we can go anywhere?" asked Clara.
"Just about," I said, "There are a few exceptions…"
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"So, we could go backwards in time?"
"And space. Yes." said The Doctor.
"And forwards in time?" asked Clara.
"And space. Totally. So, where do you want to go, eh? What do you want to see?"
Clara had a blank look on her face "I don't know. You know when someone asks you your favorite book and you forget every book you've read?
"Yes," said Annabelle and I together.
"No. Totally not." said The Doctor.
"Well. That's a thing. That happens."
"And? Back to the question."
"OK. So... So... So…" Clara ran over to the door as she started to think, "So, I'd like to see... I would like to see... What I would like to see is…" she turned to face us, "something awesome."
The second she said she wanted to see something awesome, the three of us knew just the place.
Annabelle opened the door while The Doctor and I helped Clara out of the TARDIS. We told Clara to keep her eyes closed until we told her to open them. "Can you feel the light on your eyelids?" asked The Doctor as he closed the door.
"Mm-hm." said Clara.
"That's the light of an alien sun," I said as we put her in the just the right spot, "Forward a couple of steps. OK. Are you ready?"
"Yes. No. Yes."
"OK," said Annabelle, "Open your eyes.
Clara slowly opened her eyes and what she saw was a giant red sun. Surrounding the sun were several asteroid belts. Were we parked the TARDIS, Clara could see a large city that was built on one of the large asteroids, "Welcome to the Rings of Akhaten." I said.
Clara was awestruck, "It's…"
"It is," said The Doctor, "It so completely is. But wait! There's more."
"More what?"
"Wait, wait, wait," The Doctor checked his watch, "In about five, four, three, two…"
Then one of the asteroids moved and a golden pyramid on another asteroid appeared., "What is it?" asked Clara.
"The Pyramid of the Rings of Akhaten," said Annabelle, "It's a holy site for the Sun-singers of Akhet."
"The who of what?"
"Seven worlds orbiting the same star," said The Doctor, "All of them sharing a belief that life in the universe originated here. On that planet."
"All life?" asked Clara.
"In the universe."
"Did it? "
"Well, it's what they believe," I said, "It's a nice story and who are we to tell them otherwise."
"Can we see it? Up close?" asked Clara.
The Doctor held out his hand to Clara. She took it and we headed back into the TARDIS. We landed the TARDIS behind some stalls off the main avenue. The Doctor ran out first still holding Clara's hand. The market was filled with aliens from all over the system. Clara walked ahead a little while the rest of us looked over the stalls. Clara came back over to us and asked, "Where are they from?"
"Oh, you know, the local system mostly," said The Doctor.
"What do I call them?"
"Well, let's see. There go some Panbabylonians."
"A Lugal-Irra-Kush," said Annabelle.
"Some Lucanians," I said.
"A Hooloovoo," said The Doctor"
"Ah! Qom VoTivig," I said with a wave.
"That guy's a Terraberserker of the Kodion Belt," said Annabelle, "You don't see many of them around anymore. "
"Oh! That's an Ultramancer," said The Doctor, "You know, I forget how much I like it here, we should come here more often."
"You've been here before?"
I nodded, "A few times"
"I first came here a long time ago with my granddaughter," said The Doctor as he walked off.
Clara was a little shocked by the revelation that The Doctor had a granddaughter. "Hang on." Then she ran to catch up to The Doctor.
"If she thinks that's something wait until she meets River," said Annabelle.
"Yeah," I said with a laugh.
When we caught back up with The Doctor and Clara he was showing her a tray of glowing blue spheres, "Exotic fruit of some description," said The Doctor as he scanned it with his sonic, "Non-toxic. Non-hallucinogenic. High in free radicals. And low in other stuff, I shouldn't wonder. " Clara took a bit and shook here head, "No?" said The Doctor.
"So, why's everyone here?" asked Clara.
The Doctor put an arm around her and walked with her, "For the Festival of Offerings. Takes place every thousand years or so, when the rings align. It's quite a big thing, locally. Like Pancake Tuesday."
Us Time Lords walked ahead and we heard barking behind us. Then Clara calling out, "Erm, Doctor? Teddy? Annabelle?"
We turned and saw Clara almost face-to-face with an alien with a dog-like face. We walked up to them and Annabelle walked up to the alien and barked at it.
"What's happening?" asked Clara, "Why's it angry?"
"This isn't an it. It's a she," said Annabelle, "Dor'een, meet Clara. Clara, meet Dor'een."
"Doreen?"
"It's a loose translation. She sounds a bit grumpy but that's just her natural voice. She's just asking if we wanted renting a moped."
Dor'een stepped aside and showed us a space moped. Clara barked at Dor'een and Dor'een barked back. "So, how much does it cost?" asked Clara.
"Not money," said The Doctor, "Something valuable. Sentimental value. A photograph, love letter, something like that. That's what's used for currency here. Psychometry. Objects psychically imprinted with their history. The more treasured they are, the more value they hold."
"That's horrible."
"Better than using bits of paper."
"Then you pay."
"With what?"
"You're over a thousand years old. You must have something you care about."
The Doctor took out his sonic, he shook his head and then us three Time Lords walked away to explore the market some more.
We let Clara explore on her own for a bit and caught up with her a little while later. We were each eating one of the blue fruits that Clara didn't care for earlier. They weren't half bad, "So what have you been up to?" I asked.
"Exploring."
"Come on," said Annabelle, "It's all most time…"
"Time for what?"
"You'll see," said The Doctor.
We took Clara to the open air amphitheater, at that moment it was across from the pyramid. We were a little late but not too late. When we came in we saw a young blond haired girl, dressed in red robes, standing on a pedestal facing the pyramid. Having seen this ceremony before I knew the girl was The Queen of Years. She knew all the history of this star system. We took our seats and waited for the ceremony to begin.
The girl turned back and looked at the audience. I noticed that she looked right at Clara, who gave the girl a smile and an encouraging nod. The girl turned and looked back at the pyramid, "You know her?" I softly asked Clara.
"Sort of," said Clara, "I met her while I was exploring. She ran away from her handlers because she was scared of messing up her song."
I nodded and the young girl started to sing. As she sang, we heard a male voice coming from the pyramid. The Doctor said as he ran he read for a pamphlet, "They're singing to the mummy in the Temple. They call it the Old God. Sometimes Grandfather."
"What are they singing?" asked Clara.
"The Long Song," I said, "It's a lullaby without end. To feed the Old God and keep him asleep. It's been going for millions of years. Chorister handing over to Chorister. Generation after generation after generation."
As the singing continued, everyone in the audience held out there hands. Each hand contained something Clara noticed this and asked, "What are they doing?"
"Those are offerings," said Annabelle, "Gifts of value to feed the Old God." Then the items started to dissolve into small bits of golden light and started to fly toward the pyramid.
Then everyone in the audience started to join in the song. The Doctor tried but then stopped. I smiled and laughed a little.
The singing continued for a moment. Then, the male voice from the pyramid faltered and we heard a rumbling sound. The girl turned and looked at the audience in fear. Then, all of the sudden a light shot out of the pyramid, grabbed the young girl and lifted her off the pedestal, "OK. What's happening? Is this supposed to happen?"
"Help!" called the young girl.
"Is somebody going to do something? Excuse me? Is somebody going to help her?"
Us three Time Lords looked at each other. We got up and ran out of the amphitheater. We hurried through the marketplace as Clara caught up to us, "Why are we walking away? We can't just walk away. This is my fault! I talked her into doing this!"
We stopped and walked back to Clara and The Doctor said, "There's one thing you need to know about traveling with us... well, one thing apart from the blue box and the two hearts. We don't walk away." Then, we turned back around and continued walking.
We returned to Dor'een's stall and The Doctor barked at her and she barked and growled in response. I nodded then I reached under my shirt and pulled out a gold necklace with a ring on the end of it. It was the ring that Jack gave me when we were going to be married. I took the ring off the chain and handed it to her. She took the ring and shook her head and barked I sighed and looked at Clara, "We need something else precious."
"What about that ring you gave her?" asked Clara.
"It's not enough. We need two mopeds."
Clara looked at the three of us, "Well, you three must have something more, all the places you've seen."
"These," said The Doctor as we each showed Clara our sonic.
"But, we don't want to give any of them away," said Annabelle, "They come in handy."
"You're over a 1,000 years old. And that's it, your spanners?"
"Screwdrivers," I said, "You'd be surprised how useful they are."
Clara looked down at her right hand and nervously touched a ring on one of her fingers, "It's my Mum's." Clara took off the ring and gave it to Dor'een. Dor'een took the ring then nodded and stepped aside to allow us access to the mopeds.
We headed off for the pyramid, The Doctor and Clara on one, Annabelle and I on the other. We flew threw the rings of asteroids and head toward the girl. Clara reached for the girl as we got closer. "Merry!" called Clara. Clara almost reached Merry's hand but then she was pulled down and into the temple, screaming. I slowed down the moped that Annabelle and I were on. I heard Clara call out to The Doctor, "Brakes! Brakes!"
They screamed as they came to a stop. Annabelle and I got off of our moped while Clara still head onto The Doctor as tightly as she could, "OK, time to let go," said The Doctor.
"I can't," said Clara.
"Clara, you have to. "
"Why?"
"Because it really hurts. "
"Sorry," then she let go and they got of their moped.
The Doctor went up to the door and scanned it with his sonic. He checked the readings and said, "Oh, that's interesting. A frequency modulated acoustic lock. The key changes ten million, zillion, squillion times a second."
"Can you open it?"
"Technically, no. In reality, also no. But still...let's give it a stab." The Doctor ran at the door. Clara squealed as she covered her eyes. The Doctor didn't budge at all as he slammed his shoulder against it. I shook my head as he took out his sonic and scanned the door again.
He pounded on the door and Clare turned and looked back at the asteroid, "How can they just stand there and watch?" she asked.
"Because this is sacred ground," I said.
"And she's a child."
"And he's a god, " said The Doctor, "Well, he is to them, anyway."
Then, we heard Merry scream. We ran do the door and all three of us Time Lords took our sonics and pointed them at the door, "Merry! Merry, hold on! We'll be there soon!" said Clara, "Doctor?"
"Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Oh! Hello!" said The Doctor.
"Hello what?"
"The sonic's has locked on to the acoustic tumblers."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, I get to do this." said The Doctor. He pointed his sonic at the bottom of the door and it slowly started to rise. As the door raised, Merry turned around. There was a man in red robes singing to keep the mummy in a glass case asleep. The Doctor stood under the door to keep it open, "Hello there. I'm the Doctor. These are my nieces Teddy and Annabelle. And you've met Clara. She was supposed to be having a nice day out." He turned off his sonic, "Still, it's early yet." the door started to close and he took his sonic out to keep the door open, "Are you coming, then? Did I mention that the door is immensely heavy?"
"Leave. You'll wake him!"
"Really quite extraordinarily heavy. Clara?" said The Doctor, as he was forced down on one knee.
"Uh-huh?" said Clara as she ran into the temple.
I took out my sonic to help The Doctor keep the door, "Woah! That is heavy."
"Merry, we need to leave," said Clara.
"No. Go away!" said Merry.
"Not without you."
"You said I wouldn't get it wrong and then I got it wrong! And now this has happened. Look what's happened!"
"You didn't get it wrong."
The Doctor and I both groaned as we struggled to keep the door open. Annabelle took out her sonic to help but it still wasn't much help, "How do you know?" Merry asked Clara, "You don't know anything! You have to go! Go now! Or he'll eat us all."
"Well, he's ugly. But, you know, to be honest…" she stepped to the case and looked at the mummy and then back at Merry, "I don't think he looks big enough."
"Not our meat. Our souls," said Merry. Clara reached a hand out to Merry. Merry put her hands to her head and Clara was pinned to the glass case the mummy was in by a telekinetic force, "He doesn't want you, he wants me. If you don't leave, he'll eat you all up too."
"Yes and you don't want that, do you?" I asked, as us three Time Lords struggled to keep the door open "You want us to walk out of this really quite astonishingly heavy door and never come back."
"Yes. "
"I see," said The Doctor, "Right. Clara's right. Absolutely never going to happen."
We looked at each other and we all turned off our sonics at the same time and rolled out from under the door, and into the temple. The Doctor's sonic fell out of his hands, he reached back and grabbed it just before the door fell on it. Then we stood up, "Did you three just lock us in?"
"Yep," I said.
"With the soul-eating monster," said Clara.
"Yep," said Annabelle.
"And is there actually a way to get out?
"What?" asked The Doctor, "Before it eats our souls?"
"Ideally, yes," said Clara.
"Possibly. Probably. There usually seems to be." The Doctor looked at the man as he continued to sing.
"Why is he still singing?"
The Doctor knelt in front of him and said, "He's trying to sing the Old God back to sleep. It's not going to happen. He's waking up, mate. He coming, ready or not. You want to run."
Then the man stopped singing. Us Time Lords looked at each other, "That's it?" asked Annabelle, "The song's over?"
"The song is over," said the man as he stood, "My name is Chorister Rezh Baphix, and the Long Song ended with me." he pushed up his sleeve and under it was a bracelet. He pressed a button and teleported out.
"That's it, then!" said The Doctor as he stood, "Song's over!" He turned around and pointed his sonic at the mummy. The mummy roared and leaned forward on the throne it was sitting on,"Ha-ha!" laughed The Doctor as he ran up to the cage and pressed against the glass, "Look at that."
"You've woken him!" said Merry.
The mummy then stood up and started to pound and the glass behind Clara, who was still trapped against the glass, "It's awake? What's it doing?" she asked.
The Doctor walked around the glass cage, "Oh, you know, having a nice stretch."
I looked at Merry and knelt down next to her, "We didn't wake him, And you didn't wake him, either. He's waking because it's his time to wake. And feed. On you, apparently. On your stories."
"She didn't say stories," said Clara, "She said souls."
"It's the same thing. The soul is made of stories, not atoms. Everything that ever happened to us. The people we love. The people we lost. The people we found again, against all the odds."
"He threatens to wake, they offer him a pure soul," said The Doctor, "The soul of the Queen of Years."
"Stop it," said Clara, "You're scaring her."
"Good. She should be scared! She's sacrificing herself. She should know what that means," said The Doctor as he walked over to Merry, "Do you know what it means, Merry?"
"A god chose me," said Merry.
"It's not a god!" said Annabelle, as she walked over to Merry, "It will feed on your soul, but that doesn't make it a god. It is a vampire and you don't need to give yourself to it."
"Hey, do you mind if I tell you a story?" I said, "One you might not have heard? All the elements in your body were forged many, many millions of years ago, in the heart of a far away star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, and formed everything you could imagine. Until eventually, they came together to make you. You're unique in the universe. There is only one Merry Gejelh. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn't a sacrifice. It is a waste."
"So, if I don't, then everyone else…" Merry started to say.
"Will be fine," I finished.
Merry looked over at the mummy as it pounded on the glass with both hands, "How?"
"There's always a way."
"You promise?"
I made the cross motion over both of my hearts, "Cross my hearts." I stood up and held my hand out to Merry. She took it and held it tight. Then she looked at Clara and released her from the force field.
The mummy slammed the glass again and it started to crack. Clara ran down the steps to the rest of us and said, "Having a nice stretch?!" We headed to the door but when we were all most there we stopped. Something didn't feel right. Then the ground started to shake, "Something's coming. What's coming?" asked Clara.
"The Vigil," said Merry sounding very scared.
"And what's the Vigil?" asked The Doctor.
"If the Queen of Years is unwilling to be feasted upon... "
"Yes?"
"..it's their job to feed her to Grandfather." said Merry, just then three pale creatures appeared. They had big black eyes, no mouths and were dressed all in black. Us Time Lords took out our sonics, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she said, as The Vigil walked closer to us.
"Don't you dare," said Clara.
"Yeah, stay back," said The Doctor, "We're armed. With screwdrivers."
One of the Vigil bellowed and the force of it knocked the sonic screwdrivers out of our hands. It bellowed again and the force flipped me in the air and I landed on my back knocking me out for a second. When I came to I saw The Vigil taking Merry up to the glass cage, "Clara. Sonic." said The Doctor.
Clara grabbed his sonic and tossed it to him. Then he turned it on and aimed it at the Vigil. The Vigil held up their hands and created a force field. Annabelle and I rushed over to our sonics, grabbed them and pointed them at the Vigil. As we were blocking the Vigil, Merry ran over to Clara.
I heard Clara talk to Merry, "You know all the stories. You must know if there's another way out."
"There's the tale," said Merry, "A secret song. "The Thief of the Temple and the Nimmer's Door"."
"And the secret songs open the secret door? How does it go? Can you sing it?"
Merry started to sing and a side door opened. We pushed the Vigil back a few steps, "Go!" shouted The Doctor. Clara and Merry ran to the open door. We pushed the Vigil back further as we made our way to the door.
The mummy roared again. Clara called to us, "Doctor! Teddy! Annabelle!" The three of us turned off our sonics and ran to the door. We jointed Clara and Merry outside when the Vigil appeared outside the temple. We pointed our sonics at them and after a few moments they disappeared. "Where did they go?" asked Clara.
"Grandfather's awake," said The Doctor, "They're of no function any more."
"Well, you could sound happier about it," said Clara.
We heard an explosion and The Doctor said, "Actually, I think I may have made a tactical boo-boo. More of a semantics mix-up, really."
"What boo-boo?"
"I thought the Old God was Grandfather but he wasn't. It was just the Grandfather's alarm clock."
"Sorry, a bit lost. Who's the Old God? Is there an Old God?"
"Unfortunately, yes," I said. We all looked up at the sun in the sky as it burned brighter.
"Oh, my stars. What do we do?" asked Clara.
"Against that? I don't know," said The Doctor, "Do you know? I don't know. Any ideas?"
"But you promised!" said Merry to me, "You promised!"
"I did. I did promise," I said.
"He'll eat us all. He'll spread across the system, consuming the Seven Worlds. And when there's no more to eat, he'll embark on a new odyssey among the stars."
"I say leg it," said Clara.
"Leg it where, exactly?" asked The Doctor.
"Don't know. Lake District?"
"Oh, the Lake District's lovely. Let's definitely go there. We can eat scones. They do great scones in 19...27." Then he looked up at the sun.
"You're going to fight it, aren't you?"
"Regrettably, yes. I think I may be about to do that."
"It's really big."
"I've seen bigger," said Annabelle.
"Really?"
"Are you joking? It's massive."
"I'm staying with you."
"No, you're not," I said.
"Yes, I am. I can... Assist."
"No, you can't," said The Doctor.
"What about that stuff you said? 'We don't walk away.'"
"No. We don't walk away," I said, "But when we're holding on to something precious, we run. We run and run as fast as we can and we don't stop running until we're out from under the shadow. Now, you take Merry back to the city."
Us three Time Lords walked back in the temple and looked at the sun. The swirling of gases made it look like there was a face on the surface.
"Any ideas?" asked The Doctor.
"Nope," I said.
"No," said Annabelle.
"Didn't think so. Righty-ho, then," said The Doctor, "Lordy."
A few moments later we started to hear singing from the amphitheater, "OK, then, " said The Doctor, "That's what we'll do. We'll tell you a story."
I pointed back at the asteroid and said, "Can you hear them? All these people who've lived in terror of you and your judgment? All these people whose ancestors devoted themselves and sacrificed themselves to you. Can you hear them singing?"
"You like to think you're a god," said The Doctor, "But you're not a god. You're just a parasite eaten out with jealousy and envy and longing for the lives of others. You feed on them."
"On the memory of love and loss and birth and death and joy and sorrow," said Annabelle, " So... come on. Take ours. Take our memories. But I hope you've got a big appetite. Because We've lived a long life and We've seen a few things."
The sun shot tendrils of light at the three of us and started to suck away our lives and memories. "The Doctor and I walked away from the Last Great Time War," I said, "We marked the passing of the Time Lords."
"We saw the birth of the universe and we watched as time ran out, moment by moment, until nothing remained," said The Doctor, "No time. No space. Just us."
"We've walked in universes where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a madman," said Annabelle, "We've watched universes freeze and creations burn."
"We've seen things you wouldn't believe," I said.
"We've lost things you'll never understand," said The Doctor.
"And we know things. Secrets that must never be told. Knowledge that must never be spoken. Knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze," said Annabelle.
We spread our armes out and The Doctor said, "So come on then! Take it! Take it all, baby! Have it! You have it all!"
The Sun grew darker as we fell to our knees. Then, a few moments later we heard footsteps moving fast behind us. I turned and saw Clara holding her book '101 Places to See.' "Still hungry?" asked Clara as she as she opened the book, "Well, I brought something for you. This." she held up the leaf in her hand, "The most important leaf in human history. It's full of stories, full of history. And full of a future that never got lived. Days that should have been that never were. This leaf isn't just the past, it's a whole future that never happened. There are billions and millions of unlived days for every day we live. An infinity. All the days that never came. And these are all my mum's."
The sun sent tendrils to the leaf and started to absorb it. Us Time Lords stood up and stood next to Clara. The Doctor said, "Well, come on then. Eat up."
The absorption of the leaf seemed to slow down, "Are you full?" I asked the sun, "I would expect so because there's quite a difference, between what was and what should have been?"
"There's an awful lot of one, but there's infinity of the other," said Annabelle, "And infinity's too much. Even for your appetite."
Then the leaf was gone. We looked at each other and a couple of seconds later. The sun implodes, leaving us in darkness.
A short time later, we were all back in the TARDIS, taking Clara home. The TARDIS landed and The Doctor said, "Home again, home again, jiggity-jig!"
Clara opened the door and looked out, "It looks different."
"Nope," said The Doctor, as he checked the monitor, "Same house. Same city. Same planet. Same day, actually. Not bad," he pretended to swing a golf club, "Hole in one!"
Clara closed the door and took a few steps toward us as we stood at the console, "You three were there. At Mum's grave. You were watching. What were you doing there?"
We looked at each other then The Doctor said, "I don't know. We were just... making sure."
"Of what?"
We walked up to her and Annabelle said, "You reminded us of someone."
"Who?"
"Someone who died."
"Well, whoever she was, I'm not her, OK? If you want me to travel with you, that's fine. But as me. Not a bargain basement stand-in for someone else. I not going to compete with a ghost."
"And we would never do that," I said. I reached into my pocket and took out two rings. Mine and hers, "They wanted us to have them."
"Who did?"
"Everyone. All the people we saved." Clara took her ring, kissed it and slipped it on her finger. I took my necklace off, slipped the ring back on and then put the necklace back on.
Clara was about to leave when The Doctor said, "We promise, Clara… There's no one else. Just you…"
Clara smiled before she left. She opened the door and stepped outside. We smiled as we watched her leave and we couldn't wait for next Wednesday…
A/N: Chapter 65 is in the books. If you are reading this on March 17th, 2015 and you live in the US, make sure you watch the season premiere of 'Undateable' with original Teddy Ducan, Bridgit Mendler!