Chapter 7 - Le Fay

It was a rather short and terse goodbye between Merlin and Gaius on the platform. Things hadn't been the same since Harry's visit and all of his news about Snape. The house had been tense and awkward, the stifling atmosphere making the whole house seem so much smaller, especially once Harry had returned to Hogwarts, taking with him what little joy Merlin could bring himself to feel.

It wasn't even the fact that Gaius had shouted at them. It had been scary, and overwhelming, and brought back more memories - and nightmares - than Merlin had liked. But Merlin could forgive the shouting. Shouting was just talking very loudly, and he could forget about that if he really tried.

It wasn't even what Gaius had shouted - though the accusation of 'stupid boy' did run through his head sometimes. Merlin knew that people said things that they didn't mean in anger. Harry had done the same thing last year, trying to push him away in his insecurity about Merlin getting adopted (Mithian's therapy books had been rather helpful, afterall). And besides that, Gaius had been right that Merlin had been acting reckless, what with his plans to run away or threaten to destroy the school with his magic. So Merlin could move past what Gaius had shouted at him.

But what Merlin was struggling to forgive was Gaius's decision. There was no regret or apology for it, just meaningless attempts at explanations. But the fact of the matter was that Gaius had chosen Albus Dumbledore over him.

And Merlin wasn't stupid. He never expected to be Gaius's first priority. Merlin had always assumed that his granddaughter, his job, and maybe his son-in-law, would come first. Merlin was fine being second to all of those things. But to Dumbledore?

When Harry's life might have been in danger. When students were suffering under Snape's bigotry. When that might very well be his parents' murderer for all they knew.

He had chosen his loyalty to Dumbledore. And Merlin wasn't sure that he could forgive him for it.

It was his own fault really. He had gotten his hopes up. He had raised his expectations too high.

Gaius had been kind. He had seemed to truly care about Merlin. And that had been enough to make Merlin forget that you couldn't just trust people.

He had Harry. He had Arthur and Gwaine and Mithian. Maybe he even had Lance, Percy and Freya. That was so many people. Far more than he had ever expected to have. So what did it matter if he didn't have Gaius?

He had a roof over his head. He had food when he wanted it. He wasn't being hurt. He wasn't being kept from Harry. Those were the only things that were important. Those were the only things that really mattered. So that would be enough for a few weeks out of the year.

He shouldn't have tried to make their relationship more than it needed to be. Gaius was just a kind man taking in his old friends' child out of lingering loyalty. He wasn't Merlin's parent. He wasn't an uncle or a father figure. He was just the man Merlin stayed with during the summer.

So their goodbye had been polite but cold. And Merlin was filled with a sense of relief that he would be going ten months without having to look at the brightly painted walls of his bedroom and the memories of painting them that felt like a lie.

He was tugging his suitcase on his own across the platform when he was accosted by Gwaine.

"Merlin! Mate! Tell me it's true!" he crowed enthusiastically, barreling into him from behind and immediately wrapping him up in a bear hug.

"What are you talking about now?" he asked, shrugging him off quickly. But despite his exasperation at Gwaine's inability to act like a normal person and just say 'hello', he felt a grin steal its way onto his face at the sight of his friend. Gwaine was a little taller, his hair was a little longer (but just as luscious), and he was apparently ten times more excitable than he had been when Merlin last saw him. But it was bloody good to see him.

"You and Malfoy, mate!" Gwaine said, sounding utterly thrilled, and Merlin felt something like dread gather in the pit of his stomach. "It was the talk of all of those stuffy parties that my parents drag me off to whenever they can. I guess old Lucius was trying to ruin your name or something, make you sound like your magic's out of control, or that you're some violent maniac, but really everyone's been laughing behind his back that he got beat by a second year student! Why didn't you put that in your letters? What a riot! It is true, isn't it?"

Oh God. Did everyone know?

This was bad. This was really bad.

The shame Merlin had felt that day returned to him tenfold.

Look at them. They're afraid.

They had been afraid of him. What sort of monster did that make him, to have stood there, looking down on those people, while they were terrified of him? What he could have done . . . what he had been willing to do . . .

Merlin would have never hurt any of them. At least he didn't think he would.

But . . . he had meant it when he threatened the life of Severus Snape. He had meant it when he considered tearing down Hogwarts. He had meant it when he considered stealing away with Harry and escaping the wizarding world and all of the people who had ever hurt them.

He didn't think that was normal.

So then what sort of monster did that make him?

"Merlin!"

He only had a second to register the worried look in Gwaine's eyes and his prolonged silence before he was being spun around and hugged by another person.

As he took in the long, dark hair brushing the side of his face and the slim frame in his arms he assumed it was Mithian. She had always been good at rescuing him from Gwaine's overzealous questions, and had a knack for halting him from spiraling into a panic before he even realised that that was what he was doing.

But when he caught Arthur's stunned and really very confused face over her shoulder (and it felt rather good to see him again) he realised that this was not Mithian.

So why on earth was Morgana Le Fay hugging him?

She stepped back and smiled at him through gritted teeth. "How was your summer? You won't believe how much Arthur was sulking when your letters stopped coming through," she said brightly. Too brightly. Her smile and her tone were obviously fake, but Merlin could only tell because she was standing barely two feet away from him.

"Erm . . . what?" he said so very eloquently and watched the lines around her eyes tighten.

"Stop being dense and play along," she hissed under her breath, her smile never faltering. "Come on, Arthur," she said, turning over her shoulder to look at an Arthur who looked just as confused as Merlin felt, "Be useful for once and help us with our bags."

Well, whatever ploy this was, Gwaine seemed to be in on it too, because he quickly lifted Merlin's case along with his own, and said, "Yeah, come on, mate," right to Arthur with a great big grin, only sounding the slightest bit sarcastic.

Arthur narrowed his eyes, as if the involvement of Gwaine was enough to make him stop on principle, but he apparently trusted Morgana enough to go along without vocal complaint - even if his face said everything he was thinking. And Morgana looped her arm through his to all but drag him onto the train, Merlin wished he could say that he shared the sentiment.

Nevertheless, he followed along, dazed and confused until the four of them found an empty compartment. And then the second Gwaine had closed the blinds on all of the windows Morgana dropped his arm and her smile without a thought.

"What the fuck, Morgana?" Arthur asked incredulously.

And, yes.

That.

That was what Merlin wanted to know too.

"You're welcome," she said in response, rolling her eyes.

"Can someone please explain what's going on?" he asked, since Arthur's approach didn't seem to get them anywhere.

Morgana just stared at him a moment before shaking her head. "Salazar, I swear you used to be smarter than this."

"Yeah, alright, just because he's magic-smart," Gwaine said defensively, and then sighed contritely. "Em's not the best at noticing stuff when he's panicking - sorry about that mate."

Merlin flushed. Though he wasn't sure whether that was because Gwaine definitely noticed him spiralling earlier or . . . no. No, it had nothing to do with the bitter face Arthur pulled when he heard Gwaine call him by that nickname.

"Everyone was watching you," Morgana explained tiredly. "I noticed it as soon as we arrived on the platform, because they were watching us too. People know what happened last month, and they know that our father was there. If you were as dangerous as Lucius Malfoy is claiming then our father would have warned us to stay away from you. If they see us acting as if we're friends then that makes those rumours less believable. Now, I frankly couldn't care less what public opinion of you is, but you matter to Arthur. So. You're welcome."

"Erm . . . thanks," he said belatedly.

"So it's true then?" Gwaine said, getting excited again. "You really handed the Board of Governors' asses to them?"

Merlin shrugged noncommittally. But the lack of an out-right denial was enough of a confirmation for Gwaine to give a little whoop of laughter.

"Since when do you have such good control of your magic, Em?" Gwaine's question was asked with nothing but earnest curiosity, but Merlin saw the way Morgana's eyes narrowed shrewdly and the way Arthur watched him almost warily and he felt his heart sink a little.

"I don't," he told them quickly. "It's just . . . well I told you I was figuring out how to push and pull things towards me," he explained, and then waved his hand casually for Aithusa's carrier to float towards him from where it had been on the seats, only to stop in mid-air. "That's all it was. I just pulled the glass from the windows, and then stopped it. The same with the wands. It wasn't like I dueled anyone."

But Gwaine was still looking at him like he was his hero.

And Morgana was staring at his eyes. He was pretty sure that they weren't gold anymore, but they might have been, since he was technically still maintaining the spell to keep Aithusa in place.

(He didn't look at Arthur.)

Luckily Aithusa decided to voice her protest to being floated inside her carrier. She didn't seem to mind usually, but to be fair Merlin usually also floated a piece of string or one of the garden gnomes, something for her to play with. As it was, she let out a rather loud meow in disapproval.

It was enough to crack the tension in the air, if only for a moment.

"Sorry, Aithusa," he said with a small smile. At least he could always count on her to have his back.

"Aithusa?" Morgana asked, her voice sounding suddenly strangled.

"Yeah, my cat."

"Can I hold her?" she asked urgently, desperation and hope clouding over her eyes.

Merlin nodded, opening the cat-carrier to let Aithusa out. He didn't know why Morgana was acting so weird about it, but considering that she had just done him a favour, he wasn't going to say no to something so harmless. "She's a bit finicky with certain people," Merlin warned. "She likes Arthur and Gwaine well enough, but hisses whenever Mithian gets close."

Morgana nodded absently at his words. Merlin was pretty sure that she wasn't listening from the way she seemed laser focused on Aithusa's yellow eyes.

"You know, if you want a pet, father would get you anything you asked for," Arthur remarked, looking at his sister with confusion. Apparently he didn't have any better idea than Merlin about why Morgana seemed so fixated on Aithusa.

But Morgana continued to ignore them all, her arms outstretched for Aithusa to be placed into.

Merlin sighed, relieved, when Aithusa seemed to be perfectly happy in Morgana's arms. Morgana already didn't seem to like him very much, and he didn't think her opinion of him would go up at all if his cat decided to scratch the hell out of her.

But instead her face seemed to fall with disappointment as Aithusa stared contentedly back at her. "She's lovely." The compliment was sincere, but her voice still seemed to ring hollow.

Merlin exchanged a glance with Gwaine, who shrugged not at all discreetly, and watched Arthur out of the corner of his eye, staring at his sister with concern.

"Right," she said suddenly, pushing Aithusa back into his arms. She moved as swiftly and decisively as she usually did, but there was something almost vulnerable about her now. Whatever hope had been in her eyes had most definitely been lost, though he wasn't sure why or how. "I'll be off now," she told them, not looking any of them, but especially Arthur, in the eye. "I'm sure Mithian is somewhere around, so -"

"You should stay," Merlin cut in, and when she turned to look at him suspiciously he almost wished that he had bitten his tongue.

But he had remembered Mister Pendragon - Look at them. They're afraid - talking about how his daughter had only managed to make one friend at Hogwarts, being ostracized by almost all of her housemates. He remembered how when Harry had written to her for help, she had done more than what they asked, offering extra advice and additional letters. He remembered seeing the resolve on Harry's face, knowing that his brother was going to do whatever he could to befriend her after all she had helped them with.

"You should stay," he repeated, slightly less manically and a bit more confidently. "Unless you're actually afraid that I'm a violent maniac who's magic is out of control," he said, recalling Gwaine's words and ignoring the other boy's wince.

(He didn't look at Arthur.)

It was a bit of a gamble, really, just throwing that out there, reminding them all of what he was - so what sort of monster did that make him? - but Slytherins couldn't resist a challenge. And that's what that had been, a challenge.

He could see it in her eyes, the moment her competitive need to prove herself took over from the wariness she had previously regarded him with.

"Alright," she said loftily, as if she was granting him a favour, "I'll stay."

And if her agreement made Arthur beam at him for the first time today, then that had nothing to do with the sense of achievement Merlin felt.

He made an aborted move to sit next to him after that, warmed and reassured by that smile, only to stop himself. Morgana would surely feel more comfortable next to the only person here that she actually knew.

"Oh, no, don't stop on my account," she said, halting him from moving back away, "I've been stuck with Arthur all summer already. Trust me, the last thing I want is to be forced to sit next to him for the next six hours. He's all yours." Merlin wasn't sure why she winked at him after that, but it made him want to sink into his seat either way. Of course then he remembered that that seat was next to Arthur, who had barely said a word to him whatsoever and -

"Don't be an idiot, Merlin," he chided, tugging Merlin by the sleeve into the seat beside him. "Sit down before the train starts moving and you fall over."

Merlin did so. But only because he knew how clumsy he could be, and Arthur had already pulled his arm down, so if he didn't fall into the seat then he would only be falling onto the floor instead. Because Arthur was a prat.

"Prat," he told him.

"Yeah, where are your manners, princess? I thought Gryfindors were supposed to be chivalrous. You're supposed to help him to his seat, not knock him into it." See, Merlin could always count on Gwaine to have his back.

"I'm sorry . . . 'Princess'?" Morgana inquired, glee evident in her voice. "He calls you 'Princess'? You call him 'Princess'?" She laughed like she's never heard anything better.

"This was a mistake," Arthur muttered to him. "Merlin, you're supposed to be my friend, how could you do this to me?!" he hissed.

"How is this my fault?" he whispered back, watching with something akin to horror as Gwaine and Morgana bonded over Arthur's most embarrassing moments.

"Gwaine is most definitely your fault. And you invited Morgana to sit with us!" he protested, his neck flushing red as Morgana started another story about Arthur in primary school.

Merlin was caught between defending himself and wanting to listen to whatever it was Morgana was saying. Anything that made Arthur turn that shade of pink could only be incredible. Well, he could always ask Gwaine what she said later . . .

"I can't be blamed for Gwaine! He's his own person -"

"That you're friends with."

"- who's really more Mithian's responsibility than mine. I mean, they've been friends for far longer. And you were happy that your sister decided to sit with us!"

"Arthur!" Morgana's mirthful voice carried over their frantic whispers. "I had no idea your friends could be so delightful. This one's a riot," she said with a head tilt in Gwaine's direction.

Gwaine was grinning like a loon. Unsurprising, considering that he had just found the jackpot to all of Arthur's worst childhood stories.

Merlin thought he understood now, why Mithian had held off introducing her to the rest of them. Morgana was terrifying. And Gwaine was the most chaotic person Merlin had ever met. The two of them as friends, well . . .

Arthur's life was ruined.

Gwaine and Morgana . . . really? The universe couldn't come up with a worse pair of people to torment him with? Why not just throw his father into the mix too?

Alright, so he was a bit of an arse sometimes, but did he really deserve this?

Surely not.

Arthur hadn't known whether to feel hopeful or despairing when Mithian joined them half an hour into their trip. She was supposedly Gwaine's oldest friend, and Morgana's only friend, but she was also one of the most rational people in their year (barring perhaps Lance). So it was really a coin toss on whether or not she'd be Arthur's saviour or just become their enabler.

"They called him 'Wart'?" she laughed. "That's the best thing I've heard all day! Hey, Wart!"

She was an enabler.

"This is so much better than calling him 'Princess'!"

And Arthur was doomed.

The unbearable journey to Hogwarts was made only just tolerable by Merlin's presence next to him. His friend did as much as he could to distract Arthur from the chaos that was being made in the other half of their compartment. Though not even Merlin was enough to pull focus from his sister positively howling with laughter. The hag.

Arthur tried not to read too much into the uneasiness Merlin seemed to have every now and then. After all, that would just make him a hypocrite.

His father had told him and Morgana exactly what had happened at the Board of Governors' meeting; Uther Pendragon did not believe in coddling children and sugar coating facts. But Arthur hadn't known what to make of it all.

And it hadn't been helped by the radio silence from Merlin afterwards. Arthur had sent him letters. Several. Many. Even some filled solely with the drawings that Merlin seemed so fascinated by. Anything to get a response. But none had arrived.

Arthur had been dubious originally, when Morgana had brought up Merlin's supposed magical strength. Sure, he had shaken the castle a little last year, but that didn't necessarily mean anything.

Still, it had been enough for father to take Merlin seriously. And Arthur was glad that his father had been given the forewarning of what Merlin could do, otherwise he surely would have tased him when everything started to unfold.

But still, Arthur just couldn't see it. He just couldn't put together the two versions of Merlin that were in his head.

On the one hand, there was the crazy-powerful wizard who had disarmed twelve fully-trained witches and wizards and held them all at wand point with their own wands, the person who had scared Uther Pendragon (not that he had admitted as much; his father would never do that. But Arthur had still seen it in his eyes as he spoke). And on the other hand, there was Merlin. Merlin who tripped over his own feet, and mother-henned Harry and anyone who was in the vicinity at the time, who rolled his eyes when Arthur and Gwaine started bickering, who jumped out of his skin if you touched him unexpectedly.

Those couldn't be the same person.

So Arthur hadn't been sure what to expect when they'd arrived at the platform. And apparently he hadn't been the only one, because everyone had been whispering and watching Merlin.

Not that Arthur had noticed.

Somehow, Morgana's insane - but useful - act had been a lucky distraction from Arthur's thoughts. He had been so caught up in the bewilderment of seeing Morgana acting like that that he hadn't the chance to second guess his own actions when it came to Merlin. The only thing he had been able to focus on was frustration at his sister for putting her hands all over his friend.

After that, though . . . Gwaine had been asking questions about how Merlin had managed it. And there was no avoiding it then.

Merlin had tried to downplay it, that much was obvious. He himself didn't entirely seem comfortable with what had happened. But it wasn't until Arthur saw Merlin's face fall at his hesitation that he realised that it didn't bloody matter.

Arthur didn't care if it made sense. He knew who his friend was. His friend was a clumsy oaf who was going to fall if he didn't sit down before the train started moving. And that was all that really mattered.

Having come to that conclusion, there was nothing but room in his brain for the horror he was feeling at Morgana befriending Gwaine.

It was a long six hours. But not all of the company was terrible.

In the end, Arthur even found himself laughing along as they arrived in the Great Hall. It felt almost wrong to have to split up and go to their seperate house tables. But the welcoming feast was one of the few times a year where they really had to sit at their own tables, so Arthur accepted his fate and waved across the hall sadly.

Still, it was nice to catch up with Gwen and Leon. They had sent a few letters to each other over the summer, but it really didn't compare to being able to talk in person again.

"I've told him all about the Great Hall, and how you can see the sky through the ceiling," Gwen told them excitedly. "But I'm still not sure he really believes me." She was telling him all about how her younger brother was about to start his first year at Hogwarts. Apparently that was where she and Leon had spent their train ride. "I mean, we both did accidental magic growing up, and he's seen Diagon Alley, of course, but you really just don't get how amazing magic can be until you see Hogwarts for the first time!"

Leon shrugged. He had grown up with magic in his house, after all, so Arthur could understand how it might not be so impressive to someone like him.

But, "I get it," Arthur told her. Because, he remembered seeing the castle from the boats for the first time. Morgana had squeezed his arm, and he knew at that moment that she'd had just as much trouble in believing it was real as he had been having. And then coming inside and being able to see the night sky and the floating candles and the talking hats and the food that just appeared . . . "We've gotten so used to all of this over the last year that you forget how impossible it all is," he whispered to her as they watched the awe on the first years' faces as they entered.

"There he is, towards the front!"

"A bit of a short-arse," Arthur commented mindlessly, observing how there seemed to be a significant dip in height as he stood shoulder to shoulder with his year-mates. Well, more like shoulder to upper-arm

When Leon smacked him on the back of the head and Gwen pinched his thigh he was only a little surprised. It wasn't as if he was being mean! It was a fact. He was short - what was wrong with that?

But in the end, the strength of Gwen's anxiety seemed to be stronger than the strength of her glare. She grabbed both his and Leon's hands as McGonagall called up, "Smith, Elyan." She was a ball of nerves over her brother being sorted, though why exactly Arthur wasn't sure. Gwen was friendly with enough people in every house, so it wasn't like she hated Slytherins or anything like some of their other housemates. And Arthur was sure that, should she ask, any of those friends would be happy to look out for her brother.

And, sure enough, after the hat called Ravenclaw, Lance and Percy sent her a thumbs up and a big smile before introducing themselves to Gwen's little brother. He could practically feel her sigh of relief.

The rest of the feast passed unremarkably, simply filled with good food and good company. Arthur got to complain about Gwaine and Morgana to sympathetic ears, Leon managed to goad him into trying out for the quidditch team and Gwen, surprising them both, decided to join them (Arthur was also pretty sure that he heard the twins and Lee already planning their first prank but, as long as he wasn't the victim, that wasn't his problem).

It was all so completely normal that it only caught Arthur even more off guard when it happened.

"If I could have everyone's attention please," the Headmaster called, his voice carrying easily over the din of the students' chatter. "I would like you all to welcome our latest addition to the Hogwarts staff. Those eagle-eyed among you will have already seen the new face at the staff table, so please give a warm welcome to your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Nimueh Le Fay!"

There was dark hair, sharp eyes and a red-painted smile.

And Arthur was stuck dumb.

But not because of the name. Never mind the name. The name didn't matter.

What mattered was that Arthur had never seen this woman before in his life . . . and yet, he knew her face.

Because Arthur had drawn that face months ago.