I was stunned. It took me a few moments to process what I had just heard.

Have... have I just been told that she is my replacement as Erina-sama's secretary?

Even the thought of it seems inconceivable to me. All I could do was to be dumbfounded at the girl in front of me, as my eyes wandered between her, the stack of files, and the pen in her hand.

Did she come here to rub salt?

This is Tadokoro, kindly by reputation.

Right?

"I apologise for the late hour and I understand this is an awkward situation but I need to locate some important files for a meeting with BINUT tomorrow afternoon." Tadokoro added.

A pang in my chest.

Keep it together.

"It's 'PINUT'." It was an instinctive correction that came out more firmly than I liked. My mind immediately recalled and connected the past meetings with the Philippine Food & Beverage conglomerate. A surge of professionalism welled up in me. "I will prepare some notes and pass it to you in the morning."

"Yes, that is doable, and would be more appropriate." Without skipping a beat, she gathered her materials quickly, likely reading the awkwardness that was creeping between us.

The awkwardness of an ex, meeting her replacement.

Literally.

We muttered an exchange of "Good Night", and she returned to her room, closing her door behind her.

I did the same.

My door softly clicked behind me.

Then, it started.

Hyperventilation:

Sudden. Rapid.

Suffocating.

Wits bleak, legs weak;

Back leaning on the door, sliding down onto the floor.

Ringing in my ears.

Deafening. Disorienting.

There is thumping, synced to the beat of my heart, louder every second till it takes over, speeding up… along with a sense of dread, of falling…

Of feeling the walls collapsIng in.

Tears squeezed out of my tightly winced eyes, though they barely registered their scalding trails as they made their way down my calmy anaemic cheeks as I fought to hold back a cry.

I wanted to curl myself into a ball, safe from the world.

Focus. Centre yourself.

It is just a panic attack.

I gasped and huffed, gradually regaining control with every breath.

Yet, it was fighting against the darkness that threatened to swallow me.

SOMA!

A spot of light shone through the darkness at the thought of him.

A rush of endorphins, akin to spotting a rock in the whilst being swept by strong river currents.

I have to see him.

With shaking knees, I got to my feet, focusing on my goal to keep myself together. I then reached for the door knob, only now realising how much I was visibly shaking.

'It is okay, it is just one of the symptoms', I self soothed clenching and flexing my sweaty palms. 'It will pass.'

Just focus on getting to Soma.

Out in the hallway, one arm wrapped around me while the other supported me along the wall, I made my way to his room. There was a spike in my heart rate as I passed Tadokoro's door that was between me and my destination.

Paranoid that her door may fling open any moment.

She is the last person I wish to face.

Nonetheless, I pressed on with rapid shallow breaths, feeling lightheaded from hypoxia, till I got to his door. A soft knock, pleading that he is still awake, yet not alerting anyone else.

"H-" Soma barely got his groggy word out before I fell onto him the moment his door opened. "…ey."

A hit of dopamine washed over me; Stress and anxiety melted away as I sobbed into his shoulder.

Safe.

My facade of being in control had broken, finally overwhelmed by… everything.

I always thought I had achieved mastery of my emotions, to be stoic in the face of adversity so as to be an effective assistant to Erina-sama, ready to take on any challenges on her behalf. I had always prided myself with the ability to manage multiple concerns at the same time, while being competent and excelling in anything I do.

This is humbling, and world shattering.

I have not felt so beaten down since getting defeated by Akira Hayama during the Autumn Election.

If there was a silver lining, unlike the last time, I realised that I may not have to deal with this alone as my arms instinctively pulled tighter.

I breathed in deeply savouring the musky scent of my boyfriend. His mere presence was like a comforting blanket of warmth in the middle of a snow storm. his touch seemed to radiate security as he snuggled closer, returning my hug. his words of assurance, whispered in my ear, coaxed me back onto solid ground.

'I am fortunate', I thought as I gradually calmed down.

I am fortunate to have Soma with me.

"Feeling better?" Soma breathed when I pulled back a little.

"Yes…" I sniffled. I took a steadying breath, "Sorry."

"Sorry? What for?" Soma helped me to sit on his bed. "What happened?"

"I just…" my voice caught in my throat. My hesitation was rooted by something that was deep within me, that had prevented me from asking for help.

Not to my mother, not to Director Senzaemon-dono, not to my new friends in the Polar Star.

I would rather take everything upon myself; not to be a burden:

My ego.

Thankfully, Soma did not push for a response. Instead, he ran his hand up and down my back, patiently waiting. A warm hand rested on mine, a silent but comforting gesture that assured me that I can confide with him.

So I did. I told him what just happened; whom my replacement was; and how it seemed to seal the matter of my role and status; to actually face the fact that even with my history, experiences, and the amount of heart I have given in my role as a secretary to someone so high profile… I was not as indispensable as I thought.

Yes, it is a stab in my ego.

This was a real sobering experience.

Soma listened intently, empathising with my words, and the situation as a whole, being a partner though this whirlpool of a journey. "I don't think that Tadokoro meant anything bad when she came to look for you." Soma finally said.

"You don't know that." I wanted to say, especially when we considered how estranged she was towards me, the incident with the ping pong ball, now replacing me… but I bit my tongue upon considering how unreasonable it sounded even just to vent it out.

"Maybe she just happened upon Nakiri and was just asked to do it." Soma offered.

'Or, she could have personally sought Erina-sama out.' I thought bitterly.

"You're an awesome person. No matter how you cut it, this is Nakiri's loss." Soma continued, "Tadokoro is a capable girl, but I'm pretty sure she could not do what you do."

A flash of green, and my lip twitched a little. Soma had said something that engaged me. "I recall she helped in the Moon Banquet Festival…and you won first place."

Soma grinned at that memory, "She trusted me enough to partner up with me for the project. It wasn't just the two of us, though; we had a lot of help." Some then gave my hand a firm squeeze, "So let's trust her on this, that she had no bad intentions when she looked for you"

Personally, I still do not think so.

However, hearing the sincerity in Soma's voice, I decided to side with my boyfriend's faith.

Although, there was a nagging sensation at hearing Soma speaking favourably about another girl…

"You looked real good in the maître d' attire by the way."

Huh? "What?"

"The Moon Banquet Festival… when you were the maître d' for Nakiri's booth? You look good in a vest."

It took me a moment to recall the attire, "oh, that was a uniform though."

"Maybe I just like to see you in uniform." leaned towards and took a deep breath at my neck, sending a pleasing feeling. "I recall someone was very excited to see me the moment I entered the room."

"That was…" ohh, "that was because that unpleasant guest could not handle his drink." His lip elicited a light gasp, "Good thing you came in when you did."

Good thing he is now here with me too:

For he had managed to calm me down, took my mind off my worries, and now, he managed to make me feel… desired.

And for the rest of the night, I had managed to set all my worries aside, and let off some steam.

Stupid teenage hormones.

I mentally grumbled as it was already well into the morning: much, much later than I wanted to hand in the document that I promised to prepare. Blame it on the fact of how late I went to sleep last ni-...

Ahem…

Upon entering the kitchen, I found Tadokoro absentmindedly stirring her porridge. I guess Tadokoro had not left for her new duties yet, which was not odd as Erina-sama would typically start her day late unless scheduled.

Of course, my days as her secretary would always start at 7am to prepare for the day, rain or shine.

That is not relevant now.

"Good morning, Tadokoro." It came up almost obligatory despite consciously telling myself to be civil.

The girl looked up, then nodded, muttering a greeting, before looking down again. It was clear she had a lot on her mind. Wearing her school uniform, with the school uniform blazer on her chairs' back, clearly stated what she was about to do.

At the same time, pale faced, glossy eyed with a shadow of eyebags, it seemed like she could puke at any moment.

I would say that she is…nervous.

PINUT, a government linked Philippine food conglomerate, with influence over a country wide industry sector matter, had started as a small company which had the brilliant idea to invest a significant amount of their initial start-up capital to consult Erina-sama on their first product: instant noodles, of all things. After repeated successful product launches, it eventually became so valuable to that nation that the government decided to back it. Now, grateful for how they started, they would always come to consult whenever they wish to tweak a recipe, or introduce a new product.

As such, on top of the filing system summary, I also prepared a quick history brief between Erina-sama and the clients, intent on making her role easier by giving background context.

It is just professional courtesy.

Tadokoro listened attentively, taking own notes where needed, yet noticeably avoiding looking me in the eyes.

Maybe she also realised how awkward this situation was?

And… frankly, I do not sense any hostility from her either. So perhaps Soma is right to trust her on this?

"Thank you, Arato-san. This is very helpful." Despite her words, Tadokoro still seemed hesitant about something.

Well, let's give her a proverbial pat on the back.

"I understand it may seem intimidating initially, but you'll get used to it." hoping my words were reassuring to her.

"Huh?" Tadokoro snapped into focus.

I nodded toward her phone, "Just take notes as the meeting goes along and you won't go wrong."

"Oh… thanks for the tip…"

…

…

She still seemed to have something she wanted to say, and the professional part of me refused for her to go to the meeting unprepared. I decided to prompt, "Do you have any other concerns?"

Tadokoro hesitated for a moment, then scanned for anyone who may be listening in. "It's…I want… to tell you that…" her voice trailed into a whisper.

"Sorry?" I am really lost.

She looked startled, as if I had smacked the table in front of her. She swallowed, then repeated, "I can hear what you and Soma-kun were doing…last night."

…

…

My cheeks burnt with embarrassment; it was my turn to avoid meeting her in the eyes.

Was it that obvious?

I got her point, nonetheless.

Thankfully, Tadokoro read the situation, tactfully deciding that she better head off to Erina-sama's office, excusing herself. I barely acknowledged her, while looking away.

…Stupid teenage hormones.

I was so ready to just rant out my frustrations yesterday while high on adrenaline, having just so many issues piled onto me. After a night's rest, some time to process my thoughts with distance and perspective, I think I have a clear mind to take on my current predicament.

All that was thrown out with a few buzzes from my cell phone. I chewed my bottom lip as my mind raced to consider:

What do you say to the guy you rejected?

Aida Shion.

Soma was doing some chores at the moment, so it was just me to decide how the conversation would go.

...Better get this over with:

"Hello?"

"Hi." There was a pause, and some background sounds, as if the other person on the line had not expected a pick up of their call. "I- err, h-how are you?"

"I'm alright. I hope you are too?"

"Y-yeh… thanks…"

…It is actually interesting to think that a celebrity like him could be speechless.

Then again, we did quite abruptly cut contact; and he had openly dedicated a set of songs to me. So now reconnecting suddenly… well, I think I get his reaction.

It was better than contempt, afterall.

…

…

"So… you called me?"

"Huh? …Right." So much to say, but I simply did not know how to start. "I should start with the reason for my call: your fans are disrupting my school."

"Oh." I caught a slight tinge of disappointment. "I have nothing to do with them."

"In a way, you do." I shifted my phone to say it clearly, "Your repeated mention of my name only makes them think that there is something between us… and your silence just fans the flames."

There was a pause over the phone, "Maybe I want there to be something to be between us," came his reply, "For some reason, just the mere thought of you, it just seems that music just flows out of me. Like… I was inspired by your bright cherry brown eyes and I made it the basis of my next song…"

'What are you saying?' I thought, as he went on describing how he felt the moment we met, the way that I did not care about his celebrity status, that he felt comfortable with me, that I am not clingy… that I am what he imagines when the word beautiful is mentioned.

To another girl, it may seem heart throbbingly sincere and flattering. To me, though, it just seemed unnerving.

So very much unlike how I would feel if Soma was the one who said it.

The standing hairs on my arms could testify.

I allowed him to finish his train of thought, believing it better to get everything off his chest before I said my piece: "I appreciate your interest…but I cannot return the same to you."

A longer stretch of silence than before greeted my words. I resisted prompting a response from him, opting to give him time to come to terms with my decision; He had poured his heart and soul in his confession, of course it would sting.

"You're a great guy, any girl would be happy to be with you-"

"So why not you? I would make you happy."

"It doesn't work this way." I am starting to get exasperated. "I'm sorry, but there is no happiness in forcing relationships!"

"Forcing? I'm not trying to force anything. I'm simply doing all I can to make you realise how I feel for you."

"And I appreciate your efforts, but I am already dating Soma-"

"It doesn't matter, I still wish to win you over."

Oh, COME ON! This is not going anywhere.

A tense pause fell over the call. I mean, I have already stated that I am already dating Soma, and that still did not phase him one bit. He just brushed it away as if it meant nothing. It seems we were in an impasse.

Then, Aida Shion said, "Let's meet up; just give me a chance, one chance and I will work to change your mind."

That took me aback. 'What?'

"I'll take you on a date, somewhere where we can explore how it will be like to be with each other. I'll show you my sincerity to convince you I am the right choice. This way, we can also show that we are together, and the fans at the gate have no reason to be there, right?"

Perhaps it was the way he said it, the confidence and persuasiveness, both coming from his background as a celebrity, that it sounded like it is a good deal:

Just a date and this would resolve my issue quickly.

And resolving it quickly does sound tempting, so that I could get on with my life, and resolve the worry of expulsion.

He tactfully waited for me to consider for a moment and to make the next objection, for which I am sure he would have a counter to it.

It is a good negotiation technique.

A moment later, I gave him my answer.

It is just logical.

A/N: What do you think of the story and the writing? Was I able to express what a panic attack seemed like? I hope the interactions with Tadokoro and Aida Shion seemed organic.

What do you think Hisako said?

Thanks for your patience! I hope this chapter is worth the wait... thanks for the reviews too!

Please leave a review, I love to hear your thoughts, support and interest in this story!