to be a girl

by illusionistcity

Pony Curtis was never meant to be touched. After all, the socs never went after the girl greasers. Right? (or How The Outsiders might've unfolded if Ponyboy was a girl instead.)

7. Chapter 7: Home

Chapter Seven

I woke up to the sudden throb of pain on my sides. I groaned and instinctively went to cradle my ribs as I rolled onto my back. I wished I could fall back into my silent, dreamless sleep once again; it beat remembering what happened last night.

I could faintly hear chatter in the living room and realized the gang must be here. It was Saturday, and usually on the weekends they all came over at some point to hang out and empty our fridge. Darry always hounded them for it, but I knew by the way that he bought two cartons of eggs instead of one that he didn't mind.

I was in bed, and I supposed Darry or Soda must have carried me to bed last night. Soda wasn't in bed with me. I was somewhat grateful that he didn't have to witness me struggling to stand up by myself on wobbly knees. When I finally managed to stand up my head spun and large black spots consumed my vision. My stomach lurched as the sunlit room twisted and warped tauntingly. I immediately reached for the wall to stabilize myself as I rubbed my eyes furiously, as if that would help get my vision in order again.

I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself not to vomit.

After a moment, I peeked my eyes open and let out a breath of relief at the sight of my straightened out room. I felt my stomach settle itself as I picked up my comb from my nightstand and brushed my hair, and winced when I accidentally ran over a tender spot on the back of my head. I gingerly felt the area; it didn't feel raised and it wasn't too painful to the touch. I was grateful I didn't have a concussion or anything.

I quietly hobbled my way over to the bathroom as people talked like usual in the living room.

I shut the door, and practically shrunk away from my reflection. I knew I was bad off, but not this bad. I looked like Dally did after he fought with Tim Shepard or some random greaser he found on the street. However, Dally looked big and tuff with bruises, and I thought dryly that all my injuries made me look smaller than I was.

I slowly creeped towards the mirror and gently ran my fingers over my face. I surprisingly didn't have a shiner, but all my tears from yesterday made my eyes look swollen and I might as well have one. My cheeks, however, weren't so lucky as two dark bruises covered the eternity of the skin. It was a nasty yellowish colour, with some purple mixed in as well. Someone must've put ice on them, because they weren't swollen in the slightest. My arms and legs made it look like I rolled down cement hills for fun, and my knees stung with the pain of a thousand small cuts. I breathed out a heavy sigh, before shakily lifting up the hem of my shirt. I felt my stomach lurch as I looked at the colours splattered across my sides.

The bruises just licked the bottom of my chest as it traveled down nearly to my hip. It was all sorts of colours, ranging from bright red, maroon and purple . Not to mention, it was huge. I wondered if my ribs had been cracked or fractured from the pressure of the soc's knees. However, the fact that I was able to twist my torso—albeit with burning hot pain—answered my question.

I cringed and kneeled over the toilet despite my knees stung almost immediately. I dry heaved a few times, and was thankful that I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. However, I was left wishing I had a moment later when I sucked in a breath as a sharp pain pierced my ribs as my stomach lurched once again. My ribs rattled in retaliation everytime I heaved up nothing. The throbbing ache beneath my skin made my brain go fuzzy and my body even more nauseous. It was a vicious cycle.

After a minute, I gasped for breath as my stomach had managed to settle itself. My ribs ached like nothing before as I wrapped my arms around them. I fought to catch my breath again as I collapsed against the wall and coiled myself into a ball.

I tucked my head into my chest and let out a rather pitiful whimper. I sat there on the cool bathroom tiles for a moment, relishing in the feeling of the pain diminishing and the feeling of nausea vanishing.

I slowly made my way back onto my feet as I carefully moved toward the sink again. This time, I avoided looking in the mirror at all.

I brushed my teeth and soon realized that I was still wearing the same clothes from last night. Momma's skirt was muddy and I grimaced when there were specks of blood on my shirt.

I shoved my dirty clothes into the hamper. I didn't think I ever wanted to wear them again. I sighed mournfully; yet another thing the socs had ruined for me.

I jumped in the shower and washed all the grime from last night off of me. I winced and bit back groans as I accidentally scrubbed my cuts and bruises a handful of times. I was so exhausted yesterday that I wasn't able to bathe. I probably smelled like crap when I came home last night. I grimaced, hopefully Soda didn't mind, after all he is the one that shares a bed with me.

I quickly changed into a pair of Soda's old grey sweatpants that hung loosely around my hip and Darry's old hoodie. He wore it back in junior high, but soon grew out of it and it was passed onto Soda who gave it to me. It still fit rather baggy on me, but I welcomed the comfort it brought me. I could already see a wet splotch start to appear on it as my wet hair dripped. I shrugged before exiting the bathroom.

I was about to enter the living room when I suddenly realized something. I knew I got jumped yesterday, and it scared me like nothing before, but the gang also knew I got jumped. I inwardly groaned as I knew what this meant for me. Not only was I the youngest but I was also a girl; those two facts already made me out to be something of delicacy. Darry barely let me out by my lonesome before this! Now that I got jumped, though? I bet I would never stand under the sun again without a bodyguard flushed against me.

I sighed and walked into the living room. Darry's work boots were gone, so it was probably late in the morning. Soda, Steve, and Johnny were playing what seemed to be an intense game of poker with several packs of Kools off to the side. Once, Dally gave me his weed for me to try, but it ended with me coughing a lung out and him laughing his butt off. I never tried it again after that.

Two-Bit was sitting on the couch watching the television intensely, and to my great surprise, Susie was beside him. She obviously wasn't so into whatever was playing, and she instead focused her attention on stray hangnails.

I felt a certain weight lift off my chest as I observed Susie. Aside from a slightly bruised cheek and some scrapes, she looked healthy. Although I had seen her yesterday, I still couldn't help worrying about her. Before I had passed out in the street, I heard her crying and I wanted nothing more than to go to her side and hug her just like my brothers would've done for me. But at the time, I couldn't. The helplessness I felt was overbearing, and in the shower it was the only thing plaguing my mind.

I made my way over to Susie, she caught sight of me and gasped, "Pony!"

Her face morphed into something dreadful; her jaw trembled and she looked fit to cry again. I was faintly aware of everyone turning around to look at me, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I stumbled over beside her and sank into the spot beside her.

"Oh Pony…" She whispered. Her eyes were glassy as they traced every bruise and cut I saw in the mirror. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she looked at me with a conflicting look. I wanted her to stop looking at me like that, like I was something to pity. My annoyance didn't last longer than a second, however, as my own eyes traced the bruise on her cheek. I could never be angry with Susie.

I hugged my legs despite my ribs throbbing with anger and tucked a piece of Susie's hair away from her face. I hated to see her so distraught, so unlike her usual self.

"C'mon, turn that frown upside down." She sniffled and rubbed her eyes, "What's up, Suki?" I asked, even though I knew why. However, for some reason I felt obligated to ask anyway.

She chuckled dryly, "I mean, just got jumped, but it's like, whatever I guess." She looked up and offered me a restrained smile. I grinned at her back, despite the bruise on my cheek aching from it. It was a weak attempt at happiness, but I'll work with what I'm given.

"Yeah, I mean, things could've been worse. Like, Steve could've made dinner." I sighed with exasperation, "What are we ever going to do with that good for nothing greaser? Right, Susie?" I clicked my tongue and shook my head playfully.

The tense air vanished in a second as Two-Bit erupted with laughter, "Glory, you sure are smart, kid!"

I sent Two-Bit a wink, "Which greaser d'ya think I learned from?" He guffawed.

Susie smiled, and this time it was real, "I'll say!" Steve made a face of pure offence and threw his hands in the air. I added, "We oughta throw that greaser in the cooler, straighten him up some!"

I laughed with Susie and ignored the sharp pain in my ribs. I even saw Jonny peek a small smile. Two-Bit and Soda roared with laughter and I saw Steve sock Soda in the shoulder, but by the smirk on his lips I knew he wasn't upset. I knew I shouldn't be surprised, but I still found my eyes widening a smidge.

Usually, I wouldn't dare tease Steve like I do Soda or Two-Bit. Even though I was his best friend's kid sister, I wouldn't put it past him to sock me if I riled him up enough; not that I would ever do that—I didn't exactly have a death wish. Though, given what happened last night, I was sure he wouldn't touch me no matter what I said. I thought dully that being jumped was the only way I could get a pass with Steve Randle.

Steve was tough just like Dallas, and that was made abundantly clear to me when he beat the tar out of a greaser when he called his nose huge. If my memory serves me correctly, I think Sodapop had to pull him off of the guy, who was completely helpless under the anger of Steve Randle. So, it was safe to say that I steered clear of him. Now though, I was strangely aware that none of the guys would roughhouse with me like they usually would, and since I was desperate for the normal light-hearted atmosphere I jumped the gun.

I heard Steve slam his hand of cards on the coffee table, "You say anythin' more and I'll straighten you up for good." He pointed his finger at me threateningly, and I barely held back a wince at the threat. I knew he was joking; he wouldn't touch me after I just got jumped no matter how frustrated he was, and Sodapop would never let him anyway. However, it reminded me all too much of how the socs had straightened me out last night.

It went kind of quiet, and I saw Soda shove Steve harshly, "Shut the hell up, man." He muttered angrily. I guess I didn't hide my fear all that well. Susie shifted uncomfortably beside me.

Desperately, I tried to revive the atmosphere, "Oh yeah?" I said haughtily, "Not if I don't first, dirty greaser!"

I threw a pillow as hard as I could in his face, and I relished in the sound of his girly yelp. I ignored the sharp ache that shot up my sides. My grin widened as I saw him reach his arm out to stabilize himself. I guess I had a good arm, Darry would probably tell me that it would be good for football.

He threw the pillow off of him and I couldn't help the gleeful giggles from escaping me. His cheeks were pink with embarrassment—or maybe it was anger—I had no idea; either way it was a joy. I had never seen the tough Steve Randle flush like a schoolgirl, which was incidentally caused by a schoolgirl. I rolled on the couch as I clutched my sides as I guffawed loudly with Two-Bit. I nearly forgot about my bruised ribs before I was reminded with a sudden jolt of pain.

He grabbed a hold of the pillow and stood up menacingly, "Oh you are dead, girl-!" I heard Steve start with faux anger before Soda tackled him to the ground, "C'mon, focus up, Stevie! Or I'll straighten you out before Pony ever gets a jab at it!"

I heard Steve grunt as he and Soda started to wrestle on the ground. Johnny sighed before snaking a few packs of Kools into his jeans pocket. He sent me a smile and I couldn't help but return it. He scooted closer to me and laid against the foot of the couch; right where I was sitting last night. I shivered at the thought. Nope. Not opening that can of worms.

I desperately tried to keep my mind occupied, "Hey, where is of Dally?"

Johnny looked up at me with his big dark eyes before he shrugged, "Dunno, he went out to find a fight last night, haven't seen 'im since." I hummed and turned my head over to Soda and Steve when my brother was put into a headlock.

"C'mon, kids! Don't worry your little heads 'bout ol' Dal, he'll handle himself fine." Two-Bit threw his arm over the couch and sent us a wide grin, "Now why don't your good pal Two-Bit 'ere tell y'all 'bout the blonde he picked up last week!" Johnny caught my eyes and we both inwardly groaned.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with the guys minus Dally and Darry. To my relief, there weren't any awkward silences like this morning. To my great surprise, none of the guys left to go do whatever they did on the weekends. I thought for sure at least Steve would leave for the Dingo or a drag race. Everyone acted like normal mostly, but once in a while I caught some of their eyes as they gave me a concerned look. It reminded me of the purple bruises on my face and my cut up limbs. I averted my eyes quickly every time.

I had an inkling of a feeling that Sodapop wanted to talk to me when it was just the two of us, and I mentally prepared myself for when that time came. I just hoped I wouldn't cry.

"-ony, Pony!" I flinched and looked at Susie beside me.

I pinched my arm underneath Darry's hoodie sleeve, get it together, Pony.

I offered her a smile, "Yeah, sorry. What were you sayin'?" Her eyebrows knitted together with concern, "Are you… okay? I know it's a dumb question, 'cause of yesterday and stuff, but like… you've been so out of it all day today, I'm just-" She said in a hushed tone.

"Let's go paint our nails on the porch, Suki." I pushed myself up from the couch and caught her hand in mine.

I quickly collected several bottles of Momma's old nail polishes from my room and pulled Susie outside, and promptly ignored the look of worry Soda sent me. I didn't exactly want to talk about my feelings in front of the gang.

I heard Two-Bit's boisterous laugh before I closed the door behind me.

I sighed and let my body fall onto the cushioned bench. I didn't like cigarettes, but I suddenly felt like I needed one at the moment.

Susie sat next to me, and I practically felt her stare a hole into the side of my head.

I blew out a raspberry, "This sucks."

She chuckled and leaned back, "Yeah, this shit sucks ass." I laughed.

We both sat in silence for a little bit. I stared at the setting sun; the sky was a blend of orange, yellow, and pink surrounding the bright orange orb. The clouds wisped like cotton candy and decorated the sky with its wooly shapes. The trees danced as a soft gush of wind passed by, and I couldn't help but take a deep breath in.

I wondered if Josh was sitting on his large patio bench as his hair dripped from jumping in his pool, and Jessica Dunner wrapped in his arms. While I sat here, on a rickety bench with cushions so flat it didn't soften the steel bench in the slightest, and with bruises and cuts like I went to a rumble. It was funny; how Josh could be looking at the same sunset as me. How is it that we are so, so different—hell!—we practically live in different worlds; but at the end of the day we still look at the same sunset.

I just didn't make sense in my head; it felt as if the socs paid for a nicer sunset or something. Just how could those same socs that jumped me and Susie last night till I couldn't walk straight be looking at the same sunset as me? In a way, it was comforting that everyone shared the same sun and moon at the end of the day; it brought the farthest people away from you closer than ever before. However, I thought with a surge of hot anger that I didn't want to share this beautiful sunset with the socs. I was sure that they would find a way to tarnish it just as they did me. I felt an irrational protectiveness rush over me for the sun. The sun was important to me; it offered me a certain comfort no one could ever come close to. I didn't want them to taint the sun, I was going to protect the sun.

"I'm so sorry." I shook myself free of my thoughts, and turned to the side to see Susie sobbing as she clutched at her chest, "I don't want you to hurt, Pony. I never want to see you like that again."

I pulled her close to me and made her face me, and I blinked away the hot tears that surfaced on my waterline, "Now you listen to me close, Susie." I took a steadying breath, "I said this before and I'll say it again, I don't regret for a second what I did for you." She sobbed and wrapped her arms around me, but I didn't let her. I needed to make sure she understood.

I held her by her shoulders as she looked at me with bleary eyes, "I'm being serious," I hardened my stare like Darry does when I don't do my homework, "If it means protecting you, I will get into the ring with someone like Darry or Dally."

She let out a sound between a sob and a laugh, "Again and again?"

I sniffled as a few tears fell on bruised cheeks, "Again and again."

She pulled me into a hug, and this time I didn't stop her.

We sobbed into each other's shoulders until we had no more tears left in us. I sat on the refreshingly cool bench as Susie's warm breath tickled my neck. I giggled and let go of Susie. I wiped my tears off with Darry's hoodie sleeve, biting back a wince as I brushed my bruised cheek.

She looked at me with a new vivaciousness in her eyes as she wiped her eyes dry, "I've got you Pony, always."

I smiled and nudged her shoulder with mine, "And I've got you, always."

We settled back into the seemingly comforting cushions despite being so flat, and watched the sun just lick the horizon with its wonderful rays of light.

"It's about time we start on those nails, huh Pony?" Susie said.

I giggled and turned to her, "Definitely."

Me and Susie chatted together as we shuffled through the nail polishes I brought out.

"Now, Pony, serious question coming your way." Susie cleared her throat and I straightened my back, "Would you like Deep Throat or Orgasm Rush on your nails?"

I burst out laughing immediately, clutching my sides as the laughter brought sharp pain shooting up my ribs, I didn't mind though.

I wiped a stray tear from my eye and managed to squeeze out, "Definitely Orgasm Rush."

Susie grinned at me wide and gave me a bottle of red nail polish; it reminded me of the sun. I loved it. I loved the sun.

"Alright, guess I'll go for…" She squinted her eyes to read the label of a bottle of blue nail polish, "Aw man, my name is not nearly as great as yours! Just Seashore." She pouted.

I giggled and opened my bottle of nail polish, "I mean, what can beat Orgasm Rush, though?" I nearly burst out laughing again just saying the name.

Susie shrugged and sighed dramatically, "'Suppose your right, it's just the injustice of it all."

I giggled and shoved her shoulder playfully before starting to paint my fingers. Susie followed suit, and quickly we had done two layers of the nail polish on both our fingers and toes.

I marveled at the sight of the gorgeous red that shone under the light of the wonderful sun rays. It made my skin glow, or maybe that was the sun. Either way, I was overjoyed. My red nails were delightful, and it made my heart soar with happiness as I watched them glitter under the sunset. This was the mark of something new, something good.

Suddenly, I felt like I could deal with everything the sun and moon had given me. For the first time, I knew that one day I was going to be okay with my parents' deaths. It was unfair what had happened to them; they of all people didn't deserve to die like that. But I knew that the world kept spinning, because my Momma failed to wake me up for school the next morning.

Darry hounded me like hell these days, but my mind settled that I would try and fight less with him. He was just a kid. He ignored his dreams to make something of himself to keep the Curtis family together. As he held me last night, I think I figured it out. I felt like he hated me, but I think I always knew deep down that the boy who only reached Daddy's shoulder at the time and twirled me around in the wind was still there. I knew that the boy that came home with sore muscles and always hung his tool belt on the second peg from the left on the coat rack loved me like nothing else. I loved him too.

Susie screwed the cap of Seashore shut and twittered her shiny blue nails in the sunlight next to mine, "They look cute together, don't they?" She said.

The blue and red clashed together like salt and sugar, but like salted caramel, it was wonderful.

I nodded my head as we waited for our nails to dry.

"Whatcha kids doin' outside for?" Dally's rough voice cut in between me and Susie's chattering.

I turned my head and gasped, "Glory, the heck happen to you, Dal?" I exclaimed.

Dallas was cut and bruised akin to me, and by the way he dragged his foot against the sidewalk, he messed up his ankle too. He frequently got into fights; that's just the way it was with Dallas Winston, but he usually doesn't go this far.

He rolled his eyes and drawled, "I don't think that anythin' you should be askin' nobody." He gestured at my face and hobbled up the steps.

I winced. I wasn't exactly ready to open that can of worms, and especially not with Dallas Winston. All the cuts and bruises on my skin suddenly burned into my skin. I shifted uncomfortably and tucked my chin in to observe my toenails.

I heard him sigh heavily, "Didn't mean anythin' by it, kid." I widened my eyes and looked up at Dally, who leaned against the wall of our house. That was the closest apology I had ever heard come out of Dallas Winston's mouth my whole life. "Whatcha brats doin'?"

Susie responded, "Paintin' our nails."

I felt brave, and I knew Dally wouldn't touch me after I got jumped, "Why?" I teased with a smile, "Ya' want some?"

Susie and I giggled and she slapped her hand on my chest as she threw her head back.

I saw Dally grumble rather distasteful words under his breath.

I looked out to the driveway when I heard the loud engine of Darry's truck pull up. He got out and leaned on the wall close to Dally, "What's going on? Ya' good, Pony?" He asked me with a look of worry painted on his face. I realized with a jolt that all this time he told me off for coming home late and not spending enough time with the gang was just pure worry. Why hadn't I seen that before? I shook my head before responding.

"Dally wants his nails painted just like mine," I wiggled my fingernails and toenails at them for extra effect, "So me and Susie are gonna help 'im, I'll do his fingers and Suki, ya' can do the toes with this gorgeous shade of-" I halted before I could say the name in front of Dally and my big big brother, "uh, ecstasy."

Susie guffawed beside me and I couldn't help the laughter that erupted from my chest as well. Dally cursed loudly at us as he and Darry made his way into the house.

We chatted and giggled a bit more. She told me that Keith had ended up giving her a small switchblade this morning. She had asked me to help her decorate it with the girliest stickers we could scrounge up. I happily agreed.

We stayed outside until the last of the sun wisped away and the streetlights came on. We headed inside after that, and luckily our nails were dry now.

I smelt the salty air of spaghetti as I walked in. Soda, Steve, Johnny, Two-Bit and now Dally were all engaged in a game of poker, and I gave Soda a wink when we made eye contact as I watched him pull an ace out of his sleeve. He grinned at me and slightly raised his sleeve as he mouthed to me, I have more!

I laughed and quickly ducked out of sight behind Susie as the guys turned their heads to look at me. I saw Soda stifle his own laugh before I tucked the nail polishes back in my room and made my way to the kitchen.

I realized with a stomach growl that I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday, but I hadn't even noticed until just now how hungry I was.

I walked into the kitchen as Susie flopped onto the couch and watched the television.

I heard Susie say, "For the record, I ain't goin' no where near your toes, Dally."

I stifled a giggle as Dally grumbled a slew of curses at her.

I watched Darry stir the spaghetti in the boiling water, "Hey, Darry." He turned his head to look at me before returning his gaze back to the stove, "Hey, kiddo." He paused, "You okay, Pony?"

I hummed and willed myself not to cry, "I'm as okay as I could be after getting jumped, Dar."

He flinched and stopped stirring the spaghetti and locked eyes with me, "I'm sorry, Baby." he sucked in a breath and clenched his fists, "That I wasn't there to protect you. That I didn't go lookin' for you."

I grimaced at his words, "Nothin' to be sorry for, and it's all over and done with now, nothin' you can do 'bout it." He clenched his jaw and clapped a gentle hand on my shoulder. My body instantly tingled as his big hand spread warmness over my skin; it was a comfort like no other.

"I know," He whispered, "I know." He hesitated, before wrapping his strong arms around me. Suddenly, the boy that spun me around before his football game as I shrieked with laughter came back to me, and I realized more than ever that he was still there. He was right there. All this time I wished for that boy to come back to me as I whimpered in Sodapop's arms after a nightmare. I wished for that boy to come back to me as Darry yelled at me for not finishing my homework. I thought I had lost him; that I would never see that boy again. I never realized that my big big brother was right here all this time.

I gasped for breath as my face crumpled, "Darry, you're here." My voice broke as I gripped the back of his dirty work shirt and pushed my bruised face into his chest, and desperately nudged my nose into the front of his shirt. He was here.

"And that's the best thing that's happened to me." He was always here.

His hands held on tight as they cradled the back of my head close to his chest. I sobbed and wet the front of his work shirt. Darry was here, and he didn't ever leave me. Everything was going to be okay if I had my Darry and Soda with me. I whole-heartedly believed it.

I finally let go after a minute and wiped my eyes on Darry's hoodie sleeve, and I let out a wet sounding laugh as I looked at the front of his shirt; there was a large wet spot. "Aw shucks, Dar. Think you got somethin' there." I gestured to the spot.

He smiled and smoothed out the top of my hair and planted a kiss on the top, "Looks like it, Baby."

I grinned up at him as I sniffled. "Alright, go tell the guys that dinner's done." Darry told me and gently pushed me toward the living room where I heard Dally curse loudly and Two-Bit guffaw.

I hoped my eyes weren't too red as I dabbed my eyes dry.

I went into the living room and looked at the packs of Kools, Malborors, and change distributed throughout the guys. Looked like Dally had the most, despite coming later than the rest of them.

"I'm tellin' ya', ain't nobody in this outfit play fair!" I heard Two-Bit exclaim. Arguably, he had the least amount of winnings to his side.

I laughed and some of the guys' heads turned to me, "C'mon, Darry said dinner's done."

"Glory, ya' good, Ponykid?" I heard Two-Bit ask, and I desperately wished he didn't have to put his two bits in every time as everyone turned to look at me. I now knew that my eyes were red and paired with my bruised face didn't exactly make for a cute look.

Despite it, I nodded my head and smiled, "Yeah, I'm good." I meant it.

Two-Bit didn't look convinced, but he didn't push it. All the guys got up and made their way to the kitchen, and I promptly ignored the looks the guys sent me. Susie nudged my shoulder as she passed by and I gave her a reassuring smile. Her tense shoulders sank a bit and she happily skipped over to the kitchen before someone ate her portion of spaghetti.

I got my own plate and everyone sprawled all over the living room. The television blared as Two-Bit watched a cartoon with rapt attention and everyone chattered and laughed as they ate. My chest felt warm as Susie talked to me and Johnny about something Keith had said to her.

"Hey, think ya' overcooked the spaghetti, Darry." Steve shouted over the noise, and I nearly drowned it out with the other noise. Me and Darry locked eyes across the room and grinned at each other.

"Guess you're just gonna have to deal with it, Steve."

Two-Bit and Susie left after helping clean the dishes and Steve explained mournfully that his dad wanted him to be home tonight. Dally was going to spend the night at Buck's and Johnny followed him out the door, so I supposed he was staying there as well. Johnny looked at me one last time before he closed the door behind him and Dally.

Darry had said goodnight to me and Soda before disappearing into his bedroom for the night. I washed up in the bathroom and changed into my pajamas. I curled up beside Sodapop on the bed as he draped his arm over me.

It was silent for a moment before I heard him take a sharp breath, "I was so scared, Pony."

I knew immediately he was talking about last night and closed my eyes thoughtfully.

"Glory, when Two-Bit carried you home lookin' like you went to a rumble I thought the world stopped." I heard his voice crack, and I turned around so I could face him, "Gosh, you're gonna give me grey hairs, Shortcake."

I chuckled dryly as several tears escaped and fell onto my pillow, "Guess that won't go over too well with the girls, huh?"

Soda let out a laugh as he pulled me into his arms. I pressed my forehead into his chest as I faintly heard his heartbeat thump like a lullaby in my ears.

I heard him sniff and say with a shaky voice, "I never wanna see you like that again, ya' hear me?" I cried into his chest and nodded my head, "'Try my best."

He let out a shaky breath and kissed the top of my head, "I love you so much, Pony."

I felt my whole body tingle over as a sudden warmth spread throughout me. Sodapop. My loving, perfect older brother. My older brother that told me he was dumb, and I desperately knocked some sense into his head; Sodapop was anything but dumb. My older brother that dropped out of high school to help pay the bills with Darry. My older brother who understood me like no one else ever has. My older brother who cried buckets when his horse Mickey Mouse had been bought by a soc when he was a kid, and me who searched our home high and low for any change that I could use to save up to buy Mickey Mouse back. When you're a kid you aren't so smart. But glory, did you love hard.

"I love you too, Soda." Like nothing else in this world.