Where TF is my update?

Anyway, chapter title is a reference to a piece in a... Piece in Hamilton.

He was gone the next time Ai went to visit. It didn't take her as long as the last time either. She'd made sure to stick to the conditions Miyako–san put up, went and came back quickly even though she didn't get a phone number out of him, and didn't complain about things still not going her way.

She'd been sure this time it'd be different too. She traced her plan of action with Ruby, after all. And even Aqua chimed in from time to time. It should've been perfect. After all, the tips and tricks to a good performance were things she had mastered already. The only way that it could've gone better was with divine intervention.

"Are you sure? Maybe he just changed rooms and you weren't notified." Ai tried to stay calm, think rationally. But it was kind of difficult after her day got soured like this.

"That'd be a difficult mistake to make." The nurse chuckled, checking her clipboard again "I'm pretty sure Hikigaya-san got out 4 days ago."

Ai's gaze turned to the ground, hiding behind her dark cap while her mind raced with all the things she wanted to say and all the possibilities that suddenly escaped her grip.

"I see. Maybe we missed a text or something." Miyako-san placed her hands on Ai's shoulders, taking the lead to disengage with the nurse "Thanks for telling us."

"Of course. There can be stressful days, or weeks after all." The two grown up women shared a chuckle before Miyako-san pulled Ai slightly so that they could get going. But Ai didn't really want to.

She still complied, slower than Miyako-san would've liked, but didn't put up that much resistance as they left the hospital.

"That doesn't make sense." She didn't want to complain, but her mood was just right to do exactly that "I don't get it. Why is he gone?"

"People usually want to get out of the hospital as soon as they can." Miyako-san gave her a knowing look "Isn't that right?"

Ai pressed her lips together.

"I guess it's kind of boring." She agreed.

"Plus it's not like that's up to the patient." Miyako-san continued as they crossed the automatic door, getting to the street "If they need the bed, there's not much to do."

"Would doctors do that? Get someone out so they can re-use the place?"

"...If they're ready to be discharged." Miyako-san said after a moment "Otherwise that'd be medical negligence or something similar."

Ai thought back to the moments she entered labor.

"Why didn't he tell me though?" She murmured, still looking down.

That made Miyako-san stop in her tracks.

"Did you give him a way to communicate with you?" The question was swift and a little choked. It made Ai look at her companion, who was drilling holes on Ai's face with her wide-eyed stare.

"I didn't have the chance." Ai sighed "I wanted to exchange numbers, but that didn't happen."

Miyako-san still stared at Ai for a bit more before sighing.

"Perfect."

"It's not! I wanted to stay in contact with him." Ai couldn't help complaining, seeing that the woman that had defended Ai's decision to come to begin with be so cold toward the guy that saved her life "It'd be great if we could become neighbors or something."

"We don't need any outsiders holding sensitive information over our heads, Ai." Getting to the car felt like a sentence. Like, if Ai got inside the guy she'd met would disappear forever. Like a dream she'd eventually forget. Miyako-san still had her enter while talking "And I'm sure he wants to move on from this as soon as possible. The kid got sliced on the stomach, I don't think that's something anyone would want to remember so vividly."

"I don't think he'd reveal stuff about me." Ai complained as she fastened her seatbelt, looking straight forward while Miyako-san started the vehicle.

"It's not about whether you think that's the case or not, it's about keeping you safe." Miyako-san said without hesitation "Better safe than sorry."

"You think someone who risked his life for me would try to harm me?"

"I think someone who has some dirt on you would try to take advantage." Miyako-san still didn't hesitate with her answer.

Ai had no choice but to pout again.

"Just think about it: Something that not even the rest of B-Komachi knew blew up to the point of someone coming for you." Miyako-san gave her a side glance before returning her attention to the road "You're in a position where everything crumbles with the smallest mistake. We can't afford to be lax about this."

Ah. That made sense. Ai knew where Miyako-san was going with that, but she would not give in. Yes, the number of people that knew about her babies could be counted in one hand, and that was counting Ai herself. And among them, there was only one person among them that would realistically not care about keeping it a secret.

So what? As they said, there could be things outside of their control that made all of this happen. Someone could've seen them with the twins, or maybe someone believed forum rumors a bit too much and got hellbent on finding her. Such people can exist, she'd been warned of such.

Of course, there was another person that could be responsible for this. But she didn't think that someone who left at such an important moment would care about doing her wrong like that.

"That might be so, but I had a very good hunch about this."

"A hunch, huh."

"Yeah, I just…" Ai lifted her hands, trying to find the right words to convey what she meant "Need to understand a bit better. I was very close to figuring him out."

"I'm sure you were." Miyako-san sighed "But please don't go around threatening everything you've built up. Think of the twins. Can you imagine what would've happened if you died back there?"

"They'd have been fine." Ai murmured "They're strong and smart."

"They're still kids who need their mother." Miyako-san furrowed her brows "Would you be alright leaving them behind like that?"

Ai thought back to her mother.

"No."

"Exactly. So please just let it rest. I know I can't imagine how much it meant to you. We are super glad that this guy was where he was, obviously. But… That's it. That's where it all ends. You were lucky this time, and we're more worried about there not being a second time. Okay?"

Ai fell silent for a moment.

"I told my babies I'd repay him."

"Ai, please…" Miyako-san sighed again, this time with more tiredness "He saved your life. Fine. But, if… I don't know, if a fire had broken out and a firefighter had gotten you out, would you be this worked up about it?"

"I guess?" Ai replied immediately "I should be thankful, right?"

"Okay, but would you try to reveal your secrets to some firefighter just doing their job?"

"Well, they're obviously nice. I wouldn't feel like they'd try to hurt me." Ai argued.

"Fine. Let's say this guy has a vocation for saving people. That and not having the willingness to hurt someone are two different things." Miyako-san started driving a little slower, being worked up about the topic more than even Ai herself.

"You think so?"

"I know for a fact. It's a job, Ai. It's like the police, you know that they should protect the people but how many times have you seen a movie not portraying them at least somewhat corrupt?"

"You're quoting movies to me now?" Ai pivoted out of the obvious trap.

"It's based on something that people can see and relate to." Miyako-san argued.

"Oh, please. Not even the director would pass that argument here." Ai looked away "You're just jealous I met a guy that would treat me like a princess before you did."

"I know you're being this defensive because you're not giving up on this." Miyako-san's face twitched as she held back the retort that she had in her mind "Let me be very clear: I'll have to get on Ichigo-san's side on this. It was cute and nice at first, but I didn't think you'd be this affected by things happening like they're supposed to."

"Affected?" Ai frowned "I just don't like that…"

"I saw you back there, you know? You looked like someone had died on you." Miyako-san pursed her lips, sounding calmer now.

"I didn't." Ai replied.

There was no reply.

Why didn't they click? What went wrong? Ai thought that making a connection when they were tied by something this big would be easy. Even if they had both their own reservations, surely coming so close to death would make people grow closer. Then again, she'd thought the same about the doctor. Yet that hadn't worked out the way she thought it would either.

Perhaps hospitals brought her back luck?

"I guess you're right." Ai finally sighed "I should've gone watch a movie with my babies or something. I kind of regret wasting my day off like this."

Miyako-san chuckled at that, and for a bit the ride back became a silent one. Ai watched the people walking down the streets, going about their day without knowing that Ai was looking at them.

What would they do? Would they recognize her immediately if she got her head out of the window? Would they cheer? Chase the car? Would they react badly to her presence and call security?

"It's okay to make some space for yourself from time to time. You're only young once, after all. You'll have a lot more time for them when you graduate." Miyako-san looked happy. Ai didn't know if it was because she was thinking about Ai's career or because she seemed to convince the idol of her point. Regardless, Ai smiled a little herself. As long as Ichigo-san and Miyako-san were by her side, her career would stay in its intended path.

With its ups and downs, at least Ai could build something for herself and her family. And, indeed, when the time came, she'd have a lot less work to keep her away from her children. There was no need to fret about that.

"Actually, can we drop by the convenience store? Let's bring some snacks so the time away is worth something!"

"Okay, okay. Let me just see what's the nearest…" Miyako switched mental gears, changing lanes and looking around while driving at a better speed to turn around. It seemed like they arrived at an understanding until they got off the road and walked into the store.

"Ok, how much can I get for myself?" Ai fixed her cap and walked straight to the aisle with salty stuff. Looking at some of the prices while Miyako-san led her by the arm like they were mother and daughter.

"I'll make an exception this time, just grab whatever you want."

"Thank you so much, best friend!" Ai cheered in her poor version of english while running ahead. She heard Miyako-san sigh while she grabbed stuff.

This was working, so she chose not to go too overboard. Just a couple of extra sweets 'in case the kids weren't satisfied'. And let Miyako-san go to the front to pay while she hung back checking the soda.

When the woman was out of sight, Ai quickly got her phone out and went to social media.

"Hikigaya, Hikigaya, Hikigaya…" In this time and age, being completely hidden away from the rest of the world is nigh impossible. Even for people that don't like to interact with others, they'll at least have an account or two on the net to keep themselves communicated with co-workers, friends, and even people they met online. Ai owed her success in great part to the power of the internet, and thus she turned toward it once again when she needed help.

Miyako-san would never understand. It was part of the reason why she never revealed Hikaru's name even to her. No one, not even the girls of her group, would understand. Ai herself didn't fully get it. It wasn't like she found this guy attractive, or funny, or even similar to her.

Not yet, at least.

But, if she was to find someone like that. If she could grasp at the feeling of kindness, real kindness, maybe she could find something that Ai-chan lacked. Not for profit, or glory, or for the idea that her actions would be rewarded. But because she genuinely wanted to help and be helped. Because those were the feelings she wanted to truly show to her children, to the family she had so painstakingly built.

So that, in the end, she could say 'I love you' for real when it counted.