The world has completely torn apart, and it was ALL. HER. FAULT. Her actions brought her worst fantasies to life. Riots tore down cities, murder stained the streets (both literally and metaphorically), and mass suicides became nothing to headline. Blackmail became a daily currency, driving people to madness and despair. Y'know, her favorite. I kept telling myself any minute I would wake up from this nightmare. The parades of riots didn't even faze me anymore. I've seen more corpses than I ever wanted to. Any age, it didn't matter. The world has fallen into a state of pure misery, and it was all Junko's fault. I knew it. She never lied about her involvement and I was there to see parts of her plan unfold.
Despite everything, her frantic pounding on my dorm room door at 2 am spoke volumes. Those sharp knocks echoed throughout the hallway, stirring up a mix of apprehension and curiosity within me. Was she regretting her actions and planned to repent? The tensity behind each knock said something was wrong. I hesitated before opening, knowing instinctively it was her. No one else would bother me at a time like this. Half asleep still, I had to think if answering was even worth it. Honestly, I just wanted to sleep. When I finally swung the door open, she didn't say a word, but her wide eyes and trembling hands had a glimpse of the storm raging within. In that moment, the weight of her actions hung heavy in the air, unspoken yet obvious between us. I had a split second where I thought I could tell it was her signature Oscar nominated fake sobbing, until I noticed it. She was playing with her nails in the few seconds of silence. Something she only did when genuinely nervous. Holding back any of my well known sarcasm, I nudged her in and shut the door.
"What happened to you?" I crossed my arms and leaned on the door as Junko sat on the bed. Shaking from her crying, she had to gulp before explaining. Even with that, I couldn't be sure if it was completely real. "They're catching onto me, Yasuke." Her voice echoed her anxiety like it was shivering along with her. "Who?" I asked when I already knew the answer. Actually, it was a miracle she went on so long without anyone linking her to the countless pieces that ended the world. How long has it been again? I couldn't even remember. Logically, I knew this has only been happening for about 6 months, but it all blurred together at some point. Still, it was sickeningly impressive no one singled her out, much less stopped this sooner. Now someone has been noting her. I already knew that. Of course, I did. I'm the one they asked to talk to her.
"Everyone - the school, cops! They're gonna come after me and kill me! This can't be happening…" Her claims would sound ridiculous and overdramatic if it weren't for the conversation I had earlier. Something I probably should've warned her about. Then again, she would randomly bring up how her dreams might get crushed eventually. All this hard work put into ruining life as we know it - suddenly getting crumbled - would be a dream for her. The despair of that would surely entertain her… for a bit anyway. Wasn't this what she wanted? I couldn't ever understand what she wanted from me. "Oh yeah. I can already see the headlines: 'Local Drama Queen Evades Capture Yet Again.' Maybe they'll make a trashy anime about you if you're lucky." I decided to poke fun at her. None of this had a correct answer. She always knew how to keep me on my toes. "This is serious! Don't play dumb. I know you were asked to interrogate me." Time seemed to stop when she said that. The hurt behind it made the surprise burn that much more. All I could do in response was ask the obvious. "...How did you know about that?"
She crossed her arms with an angry sigh as if she was letting some of the smoke out from her internal fire. The thing with Junko was that I could deal with all of her emotions and craziness. All the facades and changes in demeanor meant nothing. Everything was her playing up a side of herself or just joking around, but when she became angry, that was when things became terrifying. When she felt rage, she truly felt it. Deep down into her soul, she had the purest form of wrath like it was there to make up for her other feelings. When she showed that part of herself, I always felt like it was my fault. "That doesn't matter. Why were you keeping it from me? Why do you always lie to me about these things? You're terrible! You're not even taking me seriously!" I had to do something before it got worse. Quickly!
"Okay, okay. Yeah, the Steering Committee wants me to question you about the reserve course incident. I wasn't gonna tell them anything. I figured you'd like the surprise. You typically do." Surprises were something Junko would enjoy, assuming she didn't predict it. Something different. Something unexpected and new should help her problem for a while. That was the main reason I didn't go to her immediately. Well, that and trying to think of a good plan. I wanted to come to her with a sure proof plan to save her from her own actions. I just needed time. "...This is different. I fought so hard for this. Don't act like you don't know that." A smoldering tone came at me before I realized she was getting up. Creeping ever so slowly to corner me against the door with eyes that could burn through me. "How was I supposed to know you didn't want surprises all the sudden?" I stupidly spat out the first thing to come to mind as a failed attempt at defense. I knew better. No matter how logical it was, I always chose the wrong thing to say.
Her face twisted in an expression of pure, unadulterated hatred. Her natural rage boiled to make her turn red. With a growl, she slammed her hands into my shoulders, pushing me further into the closed door with a tightened grip I should've expected by now. "You fucking idiot! It's like you don't even know me." Despite being short without her huge shoes, I could tell she could hurt me more than I ever could hurt her. Although, the disgust in her voice showed that I already fucked up more than I ever wanted to. "God, how useless can you be?" She asked between shaky, red breaths. I wanted to say something to make her stop, yet I knew nothing would be good enough. Maybe I should be worried more like when this happened last time, yet some anger of my own started to heat up. "You had multiple chances to warn me and you DIDN'T! You just want me to get killed, huh? You're sick of me. Admit it." She practically mocked me with such an accusation. I couldn't do this anymore. Nothing I did was ever enough. When I tried to do something to help her problem, I got chewed out. When I tried to stay out of it, I got ignored. How am I supposed to win here? I tried to take a breath and keep calm. Blowing up now wouldn't get us anywhere. The last thing I wanted was for us to fight and something happen to her. "Junko, I obviously don't want that. I-"
"Then why do you keep hurting me?! You can't stop lying and it hurts, Yasuke, it hurts! Can you understand that or do I have to show you what it feels like?" She practically dug into my shoulders with her nails deeply before gripping onto her shirt like it was directed to her heart. Pulsating eyes proved that she meant it, not that I needed a reminder. Instead of being pissed off that she threatened me like I would be if she was anyone else, the boiling point was how confusing this was. Again, how was I supposed to win with her? After all that happened both leading up to and after The Tragedy, I couldn't deny a sense of betrayal. Yeah, obviously I knew she had a problem and I couldn't guess what her limit was moment to moment, although I couldn't believe her ability to change the world forever just for the sake of it. It was disgusting. Repulsive, actually. And yet, for some dumb reason, I stayed with her. I only knew about so many of her crimes, and the worst thing I could think of was losing her. Even now. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I win?! Why couldn't I find some balance in this? My own exhaustion spilled over. Coming out in a terrible blend with frustration. "Isn't that a good thing? That's all you want. All your dumbass has ever cared about. Why don't you like it like all the other shitty things? What do you WANT from me?!" I yelled to suppress how desperate this all made me. How pathetic I've become.
Without missing a beat, she answered while staring directly into my eyes. No room for error or a chance to look at anything else. "Because I actually love you! How many times do I have to repeat myself? I wanted to create a world where it's us against the world and you keep spitting in my face. God, I can't look at you. I came here for comfort and you make it worse. You make everything worse." With that, I knew I had to stop. The pattern was starting again. I knew this could either end in an ugly fight where we make up after some time apart or I give up and swallow my pride. The last thing I needed was for her to go where I couldn't see her. I couldn't handle that. When was the last time I saw her so angry? It didn't matter. All I knew in that moment was to stop and do something before she abandons me again and I couldn't save her. Something much more terrifying than being yelled at. "...I'm sorry, okay?" I almost whispered it. Like a caught child, I hung my head in shame. I hated doing this. How did she always manage to get me here? She crossed her arms while watching me. Body still shaking from the roller coaster of emotions. "Are you?" She asked with a fire in her chest. I officially swallowed my pride, needing this to end. Needing her to look at me sweetly again. "Junko, I'm sorry. Really." Apologies were never easy for me. They never felt good enough or worth anything. Only bathing me in humility. She didn't say anything like she was waiting for more of a plea.
"Listen, I was thinking we could come up with a plan. Just calm down and we can figure this out." Going about this logically would only work sometimes. I figured this would be the best course of action. Of course, I chose wrong. I always did. Her eyes stared into me with a burning fury despite the tears still lining her eyes. That look was going to kill me. "I don't believe you." Her voice rang cold in the heat of it all. A subtle way to cut me down. Ruining any chance of using sarcasm to ease it. "Which part?" It could be either not believing I meant the apology or that I was thinking about anything to stop them from getting her. Either one wasn't a good option.
"That you're sorry. Prove it to me then I'll forgive you."
"Huh? How?"
"Beg forgiveness."
"Huh?"
"That doesn't sound like begging. You actually made me cry and freak out. If you just told me, I wouldn't be like this. I didn't even cry when I found out those guys were suspecting me. You did this to me by lying. Again. How do I know you won't try it again when things get worse?"
She had a point, although I knew deep down she was probably trying to humiliate me more. More than I already felt in her yelling. As stupid as it was, I fell for it anyway. I couldn't let her slip away now, even with these ridiculous games. I'd rather be embarrassed for a few minutes than regret for the rest of my life. I needed to breathe. How could I with her looking at me like that? "...Fine." Before starting, I took her hand in an attempt to get her to soften that rage based stare and to make it easier to look at her. "I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for lying. Please let me make it up to you." I lightly rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. The action only made me starve for her attention and affection more than ever. The anger eased as she sighed. She laced our fingers together and squeezed my hand with a small smile after lingering seconds to set in the embarrassment. "...hm. I guess it'll work. Only because you looked cute doing it." That settled it. She really was, at least partially, screwing with me. I should've known. Thank God! I could finally stop holding my breath. My body could stop panicking and let me use my wittiness to ease this unbearable tension.
"Oh, great, so now you're into pathetic guys. I'm not going that low for you everytime. You know you're the only girl stupid enough to get me to do that." I went back to banter as soon as I could as she backed up enough to let me slither my way out of the claustrophobia. "Mhm~ Now tell me what you plan to do about this before I change my mind." She teased as she sat on my bed again, pulling me with her. The tension didn't just go away, but the way she lightly pulled me closer made it melt faster than I wanted to admit. The sudden change in emotion didn't make the panic responses in my body catch up. I knew I had to focus and focusing on anything with her here was like trying to meditate in the middle of a fireworks display. Absolutely effortless. "Ugh, alright. I needed time to think of anything worth considering. I was thinking I could hide you somehow. Not like you'll ever be easy to hide." She thought for a second with a small hum, leaning on me as she did it. "Hmm… You're not on a bad track." Oh great, she probably thought about this before showing up here. Of course, she did. Whatever she had in mind had to be completely insane. It always was. "Well, I had this absolutely batshit idea… No, it'll never work." A half baked idea wasn't good enough. All my ideas, good or not, would be too simple for her. I already knew that. "Tell me!" She excitedly commanded with a little smile. Yeah, it would just disappoint her.
"Forget it. It's dumb."
"If I guess right, you gotta tell me. Is it about… forgetting?"
"What? No."
"Then my idea is obviously better! Let's hear yours anyway."
"You didn't even guess right."
Ah, the infamous puppy eyes. Guess I'd be caving in again. The sickening cuteness pierced though as she leaned on me enough to make it difficult to stay up. All her weight pushed into it to playfully inconvenience me or maybe she was just trying to cuddle. The forming bruises on my shoulders get irritated with the contact. "Fine. I was thinking if I could get you to disguise yourself, you could act like someone else. I know how much you love doing your stupid voice impressions. You'd love all the acting involved. People might recognize your hideous face though." I said that while moving so we could be on our sides, facing each other. Gross enough as it is, I know, then she decided to hug me. My face was almost buried in the crook of her neck. "Sure, that could help. I need something more. What if they torture me into a confession or something? They can't get anything if I can't remember what I did." Was she really implying what I thought she was? Did she want me to make her forget committing any of the ridiculous amount of crimes she did? Yeah, right. "So what are you saying? You want me to just give you amnesia?"
She shrugged before a tiny justification. "It's the best way. Think about it: Not remembering is like it never existed." What kind of braindead philosophy was that? Forgetting everything she did wouldn't make anything go away. The pain, consequences, and proof would stay no matter what she did. "Yeah, until someone finds any kind of video evidence." I pointed out only one of the many points I could've made. "Is that what they found?" Junko didn't tense up or seem upset at all. She casually asked like she wasn't crying about it earlier. "Yeah. Nothing sure enough to prove it definitely, but enough to clear the cobwebs from those geezers' brains for a bit. They know you went into the reserve course building and talked to Kamukura. That's it." I kept the same aloof attitude she seemed to have about it now. Panicking wasn't ever my style. "I see what you're saying. Looks like you're more than just a pretty boy. You passed that little test. So so so proud of you~" Oh, fun. More stupid games.
"Oh, thanks. I'll make sure to add 'approved by an evil genius' to my resume. What idiotic plan were you actually thinking then?" Ugh, why did she have to beat around the bush? She smirked before answering. I couldn't see it, I could feel it as she cuddled me a bit closer. "You could disguise me in plain sight while I can't remember. I go around as some random girl with no memory of being Enoshima Junko at all. A totally drab thought, I know. They think Miss Perfection died or whatever and I can live on as Miss slightly less Perfection." Was that it? Really? The mastermind who took over the planet wanted something so simple yet so complicated. Too many questions to ask. "Uh huh, and what happens after that? You don't seriously plan to live the rest of your life without remembering being yourself. Talk about depressing." This topic was picking at some wounds I didn't want to remember. Why did this have to be what she wanted? Was she trying to strike a nerve? "I might get my memories back eventually, right?" She sounded almost innocent while making me think about it.
Junko wasn't stupid. She had to know all of this would make me think about Mom. I kept my mouth shut about it. I did NOT want to talk about that on top of stressing out about everything else. "Depends on how you lost them." Artificial or not, different types of amnesia affect the brain differently. Some are more likely to remember eventually. Brain damage would make it less likely, while artificial memory loss was an entirely gray area. "You're the neurologist here! I know you made Kamukura forget all his memories, I know you can do the same to me. You could even make me mega talented like him. Y'know, for fun." This whole conversation was depressing. First she came crying in here, then I got yelled at and humiliated, after that I was thinking about Mom, and now I had to hear about him? This was too much. The idea of Junko going around without remembering me was overwhelming on its own.
"I'm not working on your diseased brain for any longer than I have to. Also, there's no way he'll EVER get his memories back." Kamukura wouldn't want to even if he could. Why would he? "Not even in some medical miracle?" I had to think about that for a second, although I already knew it was impossible. "Unless the medical miracle is some sci fi magic, no." I wouldn't know what to do with myself if he randomly started running around as Hinata again. I couldn't handle it. Shit, why did all this have to come up? Was she just trying to get under my skin? Whether she was or not, I stayed strong. I didn't let any pain show. She would like it. "Okay, so I live the rest of my life not remembering. I'll still have my personality." Sure, she would, but if she wanted to genuinely forget being Junko, how would it affect that? Not knowing about any of the past could make her fragile like Mom or dead inside like Kamukura. "...Yeah, and you won't remember me or Mukuro. Even if you could, you couldn't be around us too much." If she spent a lot of time with us, someone might catch on. Different look or not, her face would be the same. Would anyone suspect such a crazy theory?
"Come on, it's so crazy it has to work. No one would believe it's me when I dye my hair and drop the gyaru look." I thought about seeing her in her natural colors again. Cherry red hair and soft eyes would melt me. If she acted fragile with her natural look, this could be the death of me. Ugh. Great, because what I really needed right now was a wake-up call to stop being nauseatingly lovey-dovey and start focusing! She wouldn't choose that look anyway. "DNA, dumbass. What if they test it against you and find out?" A fair point, even she had to admit it. "And why would anyone test a random girl's DNA against Junko?" She asked it sarcastically like the topic was stupid to consider in the first place. "It could happen in some unlucky situation. All you do is overanalyze, you thought of this. I know it." With a little scoff like laugh, she continued. "I have. The likelihood of that happening is way lower than you think. A lot of the centers to test it are either dead or too busy trying to save people."
Why was she doing this? The idea of her unable to remember us ate at me. The painful memories of Mom asking me when my parents were coming to pick me up rang in my mind along with 50 other examples. I was too weak and said something stupid. "Sure. That doesn't change the fact you won't remember me." A soft, heartfelt sigh as she moved her hands up my arms. The contact forced goosebumps to line them. "Oh, so that's why you look upset." She acted like it wasn't obvious. She knew from the start, I was aware of that immediately, and I didn't let myself get fooled this time. This was different. "Yasuke, I will ALWAYS remember you." She said it with a warmth from the soul. No anger lining her words like before, only a tender comfort I didn't want to fall for again. "Not if I wipe your memories."
She lightly moved my chin to make me look at her. A face that seemed too kind to have the ability to express the rage from before. "Hey, I know this is hard for you. I get why. You don't have to explain. Believe me, I know even if I'm some random girl, I'll remember the way you make me feel. I could never not love that face. You're the only person who's smart enough to help me with anything this crazy." That was all I ever wanted. To have enough of an impact on someone so they can remember me. To be seen and appreciated. To be needed. Everything she said was something from a dream. I knew I would be replaying that over and over in my head. "Hehe, aww." Oh great, she giggled at me. That meant I was turning red. Dammit!
"W-Whatever. Who are you going to pretend to be?" This 'random girl' she chose to be had to be a real identity, right? She might choose one of the hundreds that went missing. She only had to find one who she could pass as. "I'll make someone up. Fake her records and say I was quiet so no one remembered me that well before The Tragedy. Now that everything's falling apart, people are too freaked out to question it much. Plus, I might be a quiet girl anyway." Really? That was it? "You, quiet? That sounds like the dumbest idea you've had recently." Who would fake the records? What if it gets fact checked with some system we couldn't break into? What a dumb solution. "I got it more under control than you think~" She spoke in a sing-songy voice. One I understood meant she had a lot more to it. "Okay, so you need to dye your hair. Where are you gonna go where they won't keep records of it?" I knew for a fact Junko wouldn't dye her own hair. She would get annoyed with the patches she couldn't catch in time and liked the feeling of it being played with too much to pass up the opportunity. "Mukuro can do it." Huh? I doubt she'd be the type to be interested in something like that. If it was her first time dyeing, she probably wouldn't do a good enough job. A problem. "She knows how to do hair?"
"She knows how to do a lot of things." I tried to think of some new excuse. This couldn't work out. The fact she thought about it so much already made me wonder how long she'd been planning this. Was it a back up plan she started before things got so far? In the silence of me gathering my thoughts for any way out of this and onto a better solution, she hugged onto me tighter. Sweetly waiting for my next bullet point to prove wrong with closed eyes and a smile. "...I just don't know." Anxious thoughts of what could happen to her swirled in my head. This couldn't possibly work. If she really can't remember, then there wouldn't be any plan B to Z. No tricks up her sleeve. I would have to protect her in that state too, no matter how difficult it is. "Don't overthink it too much, sweetie. Everything will work out. I know you'll be there to watch over me." She really did know me better than anyone else. No matter what terrible thing she planned to do to me, I knew in my cynical little heart I would still do anything for her. Even when those thoughts and better judgements told me I should get away from her, I knew I couldn't. She was like an addictive poison. A heroin. The lack of a response got her to say the cherry on top in a pleading tone. "Please? I need you now."
I wanted to save her from herself. I wanted to go back to when her addiction to despair didn't ruin everything. Maybe this was actually the only way to do that. "I know. You won't be able to see me much, huh? Too obvious." She giggled at that. A sweet one that made the sting in my shoulders soften. "I doubt I could stay away from you for long. With or without memories, I think I would die from being separated now." Ironic. She abandoned me before. I just hoped she meant it this time. I hugged her back. Knowing I HAD to do this. I had to save her even if it meant killing me inside.